Smell the Flowers
by Pathatlon
Summary: A single sentence changes Bella from the fascinating new toy of Forks High to a social pariah. A chain of events is started, which leads to horrors and pain, but ultimately the end is worth it. A self-discovery fic. A different take on Twilight. Canon characters & pairs, but non-canon elements! ExB. HEA. Complete. Nominated "Top 10 fics completed in March" by TwiFanfictionRecs.
1. Humiliation

**This is fanfiction.**

 **This story is pre-written and updates will be once a week.**

 **Only the preface is in Alice's POV.**

* * *

 **IMPORTANT:** The bond between Bella and Edward can be seen, by some, as the most **compatible match** , but not necessarily a **soulmate**. What soulmate means I won't go into, but suffice to say that **Edward and Bella ARE soulmates** , which means that it's an unavoidable love. No matter what happen, they will be inexplicably attracted to each other and forgetting that person is will be impossible. It's up to them to make it work the best way possible, which usually is easy, as vampires normally wants to please their mate. It's not like human who, in 50 years, have grown tired of their partner...

* * *

 **Preface - Alice's POV**

I don't remember my human life. In fact, my very first memory was of myself burning as I turned into a vampire. Of course, at the time I had no idea what the burning had meant or what I was becoming.

When I awoke, I was alone and scared. My senses were heightened and visions of the future swam before my eyes. I saw myself hunting and draining humans, and though I found the visions terrifying, my thirst drove me.

For a while, I knew of no other way of life, and my old, human self with human morals struggled against my new vampire self. I was lucky, though. Not much later I started having visions of vampires with golden eyes. I saw visions of a different way of life, and I found myself hopeful and less alone.

The visions gave me hope, and they helped me prepare for the new life I would be leading. I wasn't certain of the hold up, but I trusted my visions and I focused on eating animals exclusively.

Not much later, another vision presented itself to me. I would be meeting someone precious; I would be meeting Jasper, my mate.

When you know the future, it is hard not to put yourself out there emotionally. I often feel like rushing things, because I'm already way ahead emotionally.

I _know_ that people need to adjust to situations; they are not like me; they do not see and feel the future, and so they don't skip ahead. Skipping ahead means I make some people extremely uncomfortable, like when I met Jasper. I was already deeply in love with him, but he had no idea who I was. Luckily, he was easy to persuade, and together we prepared to join Carlisle's coven of peaceful and humane vampires.

I overstepped many boundaries when I met the Cullen family. I already loved Carlisle and Esme as my own parents, and Edward, Rosalie and Emmett as my siblings. I knew Jasper and I would fit perfectly into the family, but they didn't know it, and it was somewhat strange for them at first.

It's difficult for me to stay put and let things play out _naturally_ , but my family has luckily accepted me as I am.

My visions were mainly used to ensure our peace and quiet, and also to ensure our expensive life-style. For a long time, life was simple and peaceful.

Then visions of a human girl started coming to me. They were rare and far apart, and they were always muddled, as if I had trouble seeing her.

At first, I wasn't certain why I saw her, but later I saw her and _I_ have fun together. A human, no less.

The visions were always confusing and unfocused, and I kept them to myself. Not even Jasper, the most beloved being in my world, knew of them, but that was due to Edward's gift. I knew if Edward found out he would get angry; he saw us as a damned species. If Edward knew everyone would know.

Besides, I had no idea what it _meant_ , so getting worked up over the visions was far too early.

As time passed I'd only see her once in a while, and the visions were always her and I doing little inconsequential things. I tried to look further into my future, but it didn't help or get better.

With surprised clarity, I looked into Jasper's future and I saw her! I actually saw her in his future as well! Of course, it made sense, as Jasper and I were linked, but the incoherent visions gave me the impression that they were _friends_ , too.

That's when I looked into to the other's futures and saw what she was: she was Edward's mate.

I kept the visions even more tightly hidden, especially from Edward. I didn't need to be a psychic to know what would happen when he found out, and he didn't _understand_ like I did. There was a piece of the puzzle missing, and forever is such a long time. We _all_ needed her. Through my visions I had come to adore her, to love her.

Edward wouldn't understand; he would fight it. He, like Rosalie, had never accepted his fate, and he was utterly certain that we were spawn of evil; soulless monsters, destined for eternal hell.

The visions started to become more frequent, possibly because she had finally been born. They were still vague, as if I had trouble seeing her, so I scanned for my family's futures instead to see her impact.

It was obvious that she and I would be best friends, and it was obvious that one day she would join our family - forever. I only hoped Edward, or anyone else, wouldn't make the journey too difficult.

It's ironic how the most important thing I needed to _see_ was so obscured!

As we moved to Forks, I knew that it would be soon! I wanted to tell everyone so much, but this was a future I didn't dare gamble with. The visions had always been vague, and still were, even when I looked at our own futures with her, so it made it enormously difficult to ensure that everything went well. I knew everything depended on Edward falling in love with her; once they were in love nothing would be able to separate them.

Two years after our own arrival in Fork, she finally came to Forks too, and I finally had a name: Isabella Swan, chief Swan's daughter.

She was the talk of the town, naturally, just as we had been when we first arrived only a few years prior.

I saw her for the first time with my own eyes at lunch. She was lovely! Just absolutely perfect for Edward.

They shared biology, and I knew that there was only one partner available for her to join: Edward. It was so perfect. Everything was falling perfectly into place.

We left for class, my anticipation hidden behind visions of Jasper's future. It always made Edward uncomfortable to watch me scan Jasper's future, because we all knew he struggled. I felt bad for the deception, but knew it wouldn't be necessary much longer.

And then… it all went to Hell. With just one sentence, all the futures I had ever had of Bella and our family disappeared.

She had smelled so tantalizing to Edward, and he had begged for another seat. When the teacher asked why Edward panicked.

"She reeks!" Edward hissed in reply. In an attempt to hide my knowledge of the future I didn't see what would happen. I was too late to stop Edward, and visions swam instantly before my eyes with new futures - all of them without Bella!

I was in shock; I heard the intakes of breaths from the students in biology, and then the sniggering started.

Edward switched seats, and Bella stayed by herself, humiliated.

* * *

 **Chapter 1 - humiliation**

 _She reeks_

He had actually said that. I felt the humiliation burn through me; as I blushed the sniggering became more evident.

When the bell rang, Edward was out of his seat as the very first one, not even looking back. The rest of the class looked at me,with obvious humor in their eyes, before they left. The guy who had been so kind to show me around this morning didn't offer again, nor did anyone else.

I considered switching class, but, to my horrified embarrassment, I found that Edward had had the same idea. Once more, he glared at me as if I was the most disgusting thing in the world. There were no other classes available, so I hurried off, still utterly humiliated.

On my way home, I picked up groceries. I tried to distract myself, but it was strange; Edward's words had hurt more than I could've imagined. He was nothing to me, and yet he was all I could think about. His cruel expression and words were running on repeat in my mind.

I had tried not to be upset at his words, but eventually I ended up sniffling.

 _Come on, Bella, get a grip. You didn't have friends before, and you don't need anyone now_ , I told myself.

A part of me had hoped that I would finally fit in somewhere. My last school had been so big that I drowned in the masses, and this school was so small that I stood out like a sore thumb.

I scanned the papers for a contingency plan, such as jobs and anything that could take my mind away from the loneliness. I had had a paper route in Phoenix and it had held me occupied. Perhaps if I found something similar, I would be able to ignore everything else better.

 _Besides, I need to save for college as well,_ I reasoned with myself. Now I didn't need to be distracted by _friends_ …

The feeling was sour, though, and Charlie told me happily that people were so nice in this town and that he was certain that I would make some good friends.

My job hunting was set aside shortly to give the town a chance.

From what I had gathered, the Cullen children were far from popular, but their lack of popularity was chosen and not given. When Edward had said I reeked, the rest of the school just followed mindlessly. It's was a flock mentality. If he tried, he could easily become the most popular guy at school. I had seen the adoring looks the girls had given him, and the angry, jealous looks the boys had sent.

Of course, I was quick to realize, Lauren and Jessica didn't make it easier. The second day of school had been infinitesimally better at first, as some of the guys had ignored Edward's cruel jibe and approached me. Some guy called Mike had tried to include me. However, when Lauren and Jessica got to him, he quickly retreated and he never offered his goodwill again.

They had been interested in the new toy, and Lauren and Jessica had effectively put a stop to it.

After my first day I didn't see Edward again for a while. Rosalie looked like she wanted to murder me, while Alice looked uncertain and confused. Jasper and Emmett didn't really bother to look at me, for which I was grateful. I didn't know what was up with them, but I started to hate them. Rosalie had no right to act as if I had driven her brother away.

I forced myself to ignore them, to ignore _all_ of them, and my lunch was spent at a table for myself, in the far back. As far away from the Cullens and anyone else as possible. I studied during lunch, which forced me to focus on something else, and it helped a lot.

My first weekend meant job-hunting. I had given the people a chance, but their sheep mentality and their fear of standing out had resulted in my exclusion. I was certain I didn't smell. Lauren and Jessica had disliked the attention I had gotten, and had eagerly spread Edward Cullen's cruel attitude.

 _Only to the end of high school,_ I told myself, over and over again. It was hard, for with each passing day, I found myself getting angrier and angrier with the students of Forks High. I tried to retreat into myself, but it was difficult when the school was so small. People stared, they whispered, and they teased. It could hear them easily, and I burned red with humiliation and anger.

The anger surprised me. I had never been an angry person, and I had usually never been able to hold a grudge. However, I found that this was so _unfair_ that I was utterly pissed off.

I was far from a naïve high school girl. I knew teenagers sucked. I started fantasizing about getting revenge; the fantasies were both ridiculously outlandish, and sometimes plain boring. It was when I was considering a pretty boring fantasy that I had my first realization: I didn't want to just ride this out. What had happened wasn't fair and I was done being humiliated.

I wanted to be better than them; I wanted to become stronger and be unaffected by their stupid behavior. I wanted to ignore Lauren and Jessica, and I wanted to ignore Edward's stupid and weird family. I strove to rise above the stares and whispers, and my posture become more upright.

The looks peeled off of me, outwardly. Inside, I was still affected, but I found strength in my outward attitude. I found strength in keeping my head high and not caring about them.

* * *

There were no jobs in town, except for the sports store, which was owned by Mike's parents. I was certainly not going to apply there. The humiliation had stung, and I'd rather see as little of the people from school as possible.

In my second weekend I went to Port Angeles. Sure, it took a little over an hour to get there in my truck, but I felt I didn't have a choice, if I wanted to occupy myself; it seemed pretty clear that I was a social No-Go. Since I had arrived I'd received disgusted looks, mocking nose-pinches (as if I really did smell) and being obviously ignored.

I found a job at the local library, which was great as I loved to read, and they allowed me to study when there were no patrons who needed assistance. I was able to work most weekends and a few hours on weekdays, so I found I would be busy, which was all I wanted.

"Bella, you need to hang out with your friends as well," Charlie told me when I announced my plans for getting a job.

"Dad, I want to go to college," I told him, ignoring his point about friends. I didn't want to tell him that on my third week here in Forks I was now a total outcast, who was basically being humiliated every day I went to school. I didn't want to tell him about the jeers, the laughs, the constant mocking. I could handle the silly teenagers, but I wouldn't be able to handle Charlie's pain and worry.

"Bella, you don't need to think about money, your mother and I-" Charlie protested.

"Are saving for your own retirement. Dad, I _want_ this. I came to visit _you_. As long as I have you I'm happy," I assured him. It was partly a lie, but I couldn't exactly tell him anything else. "Besides, I want to go somewhere _big_." Charlie relented, uncertain, but I knew he was pleased about my focus being on him.

* * *

I was studying behind the desk at the library when a voice interrupted me.

"Hello, Bella," I looked up surprised at Alice Cullen. My heart constricted in discomfort. Outwardly, I was calm.

"Hello, what can I do for you, Miss Cullen," I wondered. I showed impeccable politeness as a way to distance myself. Alice's expression fell and her eyes seemed distant for a second. I waited patiently, trying to not be too uncomfortable by her presence. The way she looked at me creeped me out.

She seemed to debate with herself for a few seconds, before finally asking for non-fiction. I gestured to the general area, and watched her leave despondently.

She looked so uncertain, and so confused. To me, it looked like Alice always looked uncertain and confused; I hardly ever saw her with a different expression. I had prepared myself for my reaction if anyone spoke to me, and I was pleased to see that I had managed an aloof attitude.

I was angry inside, though. I knew it wasn't Alice's fault, and yet I just wanted nothing to do with her, her family or the rest of Forks. I felt so humiliated at what Edward had said, and the rest of them were just stupid sheep. I was glad she didn't linger near me, as I didn't know how I'd respond if she spoke to me further.

She stayed late, though I hardly took notice. Seeing her had reminded me of Edward, and it made me angry. Angry that someone could be so cruel, but also because I was bothering to waste my time being hurt. I wished I could just ignore them and move on.

After the first month in Forks things became much more bearable. No one glanced at me anymore and I was left to my own devices always. I had a firm routine with Charlie already built: I'd prepare dinner whenever I got home from work, around 7pm, and we usually ate at 8pm. It was a bit later, but the pay I got was worth it and it allowed me prepare for college better.

I spent my evenings with Charlie, all homework usually done while at work, or at school, since I was so far ahead. It was surprisingly nice, and we became much more comfortable with each other.

Being so similar meant we could broach private matters at a comfortable pace, unlike with Renee, where she overstepped my boundaries with several miles, usually shutting me up instantly.

In the beginning of February, I had my first close call with Death. I had always been unfortunate, and I actually found myself pretty fortunate in this instance.

Despite the icy roads, getting to school was a piece of cake. I arrived with plenty of time to spare, but most had arrived early as well, probably anticipating that it would take more time. I steadied myself on my car as I got out, but quickly moved onwards as the cold penetrated my coat.

I heard a high, screeching sound, and I turned just in time to see a blue van smash right into my car - and where I had been only seconds ago. Screaming instantly replaced the screeching of the tires, and the blue van was swarmed with people.

Feeling in the way, I moved to the side, keeping an eye on the process. Tyler Crowley had been the driver, and having hit black ice, his car had spun out of control. I watched as the ambulance arrived, and Charlie as well, who instantly recognized my car.

"Bella!" He yelled, alarmed, and reached for me in a second. I could see he was checking me for damages, but for once I was safe and unharmed.

"I'm okay, dad," I assured him. "I didn't think the roads were that icy," I admitted, while surveying the roads. Looking at them now, they did seem slippery.

"I put snow chains on your tires this morning," Charlie admitted, and I looked past him to my now ruined car. I could see the chains securing my tires, and I felt very happy of his thoughtfulness.

"Thanks dad," I told him, sincerely. He seemed to redden at the attention.

"I think you need a new car," he admitted, seeing as the side of my car was damaged a lot. I was glad to see that the car would've kept me somewhat safe had I been inside when Tyler hit it, but there was no doubt that it would need to be replaced. Getting it fixed would cost too much. "I will pick you up after school, today," he promised me.

"I got work after school," I said, but he simply nodded at me. His attention was back on the scene, and he had to leave with the ambulance.

School was very quiet today, as it seemed most had used the accident as an excuse to avoid school.

English, my first subject on the day, had no other occupants but myself, and it allowed me to finally ask Mr. Berty for extra credit material, which would look great on my college application.

The day was pretty quiet, and as always I was by myself. Lunch stood out only because the Cullens were staring, or rather Alice Cullen was staring. I remembered her staring this morning in the parking lot as well, but I assumed it was the accident she had been staring at. Now, when I noticed her staring at me at lunch, I realized I might've been mistaken in my assumption. Even her siblings sent me the occasional glance, which I had no idea how to analyze.

I found her eyes unsettling, it was as if she was looking at me, but not really seeing me. She seemed to be unsure, and at one point I was even certain she was about to come over to me.

I prepared to defend myself, to stand up for myself, but she suddenly changed course and left the room. I hadn't realized how tense I was until the last class of the day was over. I felt so cornered by Alice. Her constant glances made me tighten up and get angry. I wanted to blame someone, but most of all I wanted to _let go_. I wasn't sure why I had trouble ignoring her, or why the Cullens generally created such strong reactions in me. None of the other students made me feel tense and ready to pounce. But then again, all the other students were ignoring me; the Cullens, on the other hand, always _stared_.

I met Charlie out in the parking lot after school.

"Hey dad," I greeted Charlie. My truck was already moved, I noticed.

"Hey kiddo," Charlie greeted and gesture for me to jump in. I hated driving in the cruiser, as it always felt like people were staring, but since my first day I'd been an outcast, so I was getting used to both the intense staring or the absolute silence. Besides, screw them. Let them stare.

"I called your job to say you couldn't make it today," Charlie admitted with a grin and I stared at him surprised. "I'm taking you out to buy a car in Port Angeles." He grinned happily. I matched his grin easily, pleased at the notion. I had really liked my truck, as it had been sturdy, but I also liked the thought of picking out one myself.

Charlie insisted he'd pay for my car. My only requirement was that I wanted one that could handle a little more speed, or at least going to the speed limit without falling apart. It would make getting to work a bit quite a bit faster.

I fell in love with Volkswagen Beetle, which seemed to be in good condition, but Charlie insisted it be like a truck. With my luck he preferred if I was at least somewhat safe inside the car, and though the Beetle was nice, it was also very breakable. My old truck would've kept me somewhat safe had I been inside when Tyler had hit it. Unfortunately, I hadn't and it was pure luck that I hadn't been squished flat. I had been very fortunate this time around, so it was better not to tempt fate.

Charlie spotted a pick-up truck which was in very good condition, but it was also quite a bit pricier than what I thought was necessary. I didn't want Charlie to spend money unnecessarily, but he insisted. The car resembled the one I'd had before, though in much better condition and a good deal newer. If this one broke, I would at least be able to find spare parts for it. It looked sturdy and safe, but the color, which was a terrible screaming orange, haunted me. I mentally joked to myself that if I bought the car, I could pretend that people stared at the car, not at me.

I enjoyed driving it home, and it felt much better than my last truck. It was definitely much faster. In Forks, people stared and I mentally flipped each and every one of them off.

I was grateful for Charlie's actions and consideration, and I prepared his favorite dish as thank you.

* * *

 **Please review and let me know what you think :)**


	2. Return

**A/N: Someone mentioned they wished she'd confess her issues to Charlie. My reason for not doing so is that Bella, to me, seems more practical. Charlie can't do anything, and telling him will only hurt him, make him feel like perhaps it was a mistake for her to come or make him feel unable to actually do anything about it**

* * *

 **Chapter 2 - Return**

People are generally uncomfortable with conflicts; as such, they will go a long way to avoid it. I, however, have been through a myriad of conflicts ever since I started at Forks, so I was no stranger to them anymore.

That didn't make it less uncomfortable when I arrived at lunch the following day, after the accident, and found that Edward Cullen was back. I quickly looked away, and then I was angry with myself. Only now that _he_ was back did I realize how I had looked towards them every day to, somehow, comfort myself of his lack of presence. I grabbed my food and headed for my lonely table, far from them, while steadfastly ignoring them - or at least trying to.

 _Come on, Bella. They are NOT worth your time_ , I told myself. I fished out some extra credit work and ignored them for the rest of lunch. A part of me wanted to look up and see if he was angry, but I held my ground, refusing to be intimidated. I told myself I didn't care about _him_ , that he could go _bleep_ himself. I had never been into profanities, but Edward brought out the worst in me.

I arrived first to biology and I took a seat in the far back. I had worked alone so far, and considering _Cullen's_ behavior on my first day I doubted Mr. Banner would demand that _Cullen_ and I partnered up. Besides, he knew I was doing extra credit and he knew I was capable of working by myself, as I had demonstrated easily since my first day.

Edward Cullen arrived seconds later, and he moved easily between the rows of seats down to _my_ table. I tried to ignore him, despite the odd hammering of my heart.

"Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. I'm so sorry I was rude last time. I kinda panicked. I heard about the accident yesterday and I'm glad you're ok." Edward said with an almost rehearsed politeness. I was forced to look up and into his beautiful eyes. Everything about him was beautiful I noticed; his voice, his eyes, his clothes. I felt like a moron and I was almost beginning to wonder how this beautiful creature could do wrong. His voice was perfectly kind. There was nothing in his voice that indicated a severe hatred towards me.

And yet, as I observed him I began to see the still-ness and the stiffness in his stance. He wasn't close like you'd be to someone you spoke to, but a step further away. His hands were clenched and his jaw-line showed a tenseness, too, and his eyes were staring at me with an intensity that made me uncomfortable. He was waiting apprehensively for an answer. I found myself humiliated anew at his posture, which still screamed that I _reeked_. It was obvious that he had trouble being near me. I could see how he fought to control a sneer.

"Yeah… sure," I replied, unable to come up with a better reply to my own chagrin. I'd imagined this confrontation every day since he left. It was either him apologizing or me going berserk on him. No matter how, though, I was cool and collected. But that was in my mind. In reality, I was jittery and close to stuttering, so I kept it simple.

Edward stayed put and I bore my eyes into my schoolwork. My eyes watered when I forgot to blink, and I stared up at him, meeting his gaze unafraid. He was staring intensely at me and the weight of his eyes was almost overwhelming. I felt strong, however, as I continued to stare back at him. His eyes were bright golden, unlike last time. Did he wear contacts? As I began to discern the changes in his eyes he almost started to look unsettled; I guess my own gaze could get really intense. The other students began to arrive and the spell was broken. Edward moved back to his own seat quickly, and I let out a relieved sigh. 1-0 for me.

I hadn't realized it, but I was shaking. How could he have such an effect on me? I had never been violent, but seeing him, I just felt like clawing at him. I made myself smaller, mentally, shrinking into my seat, and was rewarded with no other confrontations.

A part of me wondered what _Cullen_ had panicked about, while a different part noted that he was the only one so far, besides Charlie, who had mentioned my narrow escape yesterday. I refused myself to consider it anymore and I refused to think more of him, except to enjoy the feeling of my indifferent reply. I felt a bit cool, for not having blindly accepted his apology. I was sure _stupid sheep Jessica_ would've forgiven him instantly.

With my new car I reached work much faster, and I spent my time occupied both with actual work and extra credit assignments.

The following days were unfortunately somewhat of a trial in regards to _Cullen_. I could feel him staring at me whenever he could, be it at lunch, in the hallways or in class. At least in class I got _some_ reprieve, as I sat behind him, and he couldn't exactly turn around and stare. I didn't stare back at him, as I felt it would be a form of invitation, so I tried to politely ignore him.

As the week progressed I could see how his resolve wavered regarding speaking to me. It was actually almost funny, once I noticed it, and somewhat empowering as well. It was obvious that he wanted to bring up the first day, so I prepared myself to be distant, but polite – to be adult about it. I kept going over scenarios in my head, pointing out to myself that I needed to be able to defend myself, and quickly, if he was cruel again, but despite his obvious resolve he never did speak to me.

The rest of the month followed in the same track, and I watched as his eyes darkened each day, making him more and more tense and cold towards me, his beautiful face becoming more of a sneer, which only made me angry with him even more. Then they were suddenly golden, making him more and more fidgy. Whenever they were golden, I was preparing myself in case he would speak to me, but again he never did, though I could see that he wanted to.

I had long given up on berating myself for noticing him, and was now telling myself that self-preservation forced me to be aware, and prepare. Very girl-scout of a me, really.

Sometimes I felt like I was in a war, though a silent one. Cullen hadn't spoken to me since he apologized, but I could see he wanted to, and I felt tense at the thought, while running through various responses that would make me keep my cool. I wanted to be grown-up about it and I wanted to dismiss him properly, but I couldn't do that until _he_ talked to _me_ , as it would seem very out of place if I simply told him off. I had no idea why I wanted to clash with him, or why I even bothered thinking about him.

When March rolled around the corner, everyone was talking about the upcoming dance. Being the social no-go allowed me to avoid it all, which actually made me happy.

"So, are you looking forward to the dance?" Cullen asked me. We had both arrived early to biology. Sometimes I wondered if he arrived early just to trap me. I could arrive later, but I had no idea where to spend the time in between lunch and the lesson.

His question surprised me after a month without speaking to me. I kept my cool and replied "Sure." My tone was polite, but disinterested and I quickly changed my attitude to 'occupied' by opening a book. I was an adult, almost, and I would be polite, but court with him.

He wasn't deterred by my obvious closed off attitude, "who are you going with?" He asked. His tone, too, was impeccably polite. I realized we both were playing a game, or so it felt like.

Now, however, I felt trapped. By saying 'sure' I had opened up the idea that _I_ would be going, which I wasn't, and now I would have to somehow tell him that it was none of his bloody business. The teenage part of me wanted to be spiteful, to bitch about it, but the adult in me forced me to be calm.

I sighed to myself, steeling myself to be grown-up about this. "No one... I'm not going," I replied, drawing out the words and keeping my voice almost vague, so that I seemed occupied by my book. In reality, I couldn't focus on a single sentence, but spent the seconds trying to calm myself.

 _Keep calm, breathe. You're an ocean of calm_ , I told myself over and over. I hated how he made me feel, so I buried the emotion. He made his heart skip, he made me blush, and he made me angry. It was all so conflicting.

"How come?" he wondered sincerely, but his voice held a tinge of regret. I looked up and into his eyes while maintaining my calm.

I really did try to be nice, and yet before I could consider my response I said, "Why do you think?" My tone was skeptic, my eyebrow was raised, while I watched him. He was uncomfortable with the truth, that much was certain. It was almost stupid; why had he asked when the answer had been so obvious? Did he expect me to shy away? I returned to my book immediately. From the corner of my eye, I saw him turn in his seat. I leafed through the pages with an interval that resembled to the pace I normally read at, as I pretended to read.

The childish part of me wanted to tell him that I wasn't going, because he'd made everyone dislike me. A part of me wanted to hurt him emotionally. However, the truth was I wasn't likely to have gone had it not happened, and I really did want to be adult about this. I didn't want anyone to be able to put a finger on _my_ behavior.

Class started and the students came piling in, giving me a pause from the chaos Edward brought. As the bell rang after class Edward stalled. I was usually the last to leave this class, allowing him to go first, but today he stayed.

"Bella," Edward's smooth voice broke my concentration. I mentally scrambled to get it back, chastising myself for being so sensitive to him. He was gorgeous in all but manners, which I tried to focus on, though it was getting increasingly difficult. I'd never been vain, but in his presence I felt incredibly so. That, and intimidated. It was a weird combination; on one hand, he intimidated me utterly, but on the other he just riled me up and made me so angry, which made me forget being intimidated and just confront him, which in turn made me feel really empowered, as I stood up to myself. Also, it was pretty obvious no one had stood up to him, as he seemed shocked each time, despite setting himself up for it.

I didn't reply, but met his eyes steadily, reminding myself that I was an ocean of calm, while he pulled himself together and said what he wanted to.

"I just wanted to apologize again," he shuffled his position, making him appear uncomfortable.

 _Good_.

I doubted his apology, though, since there were times he still acted as if I reeked, as if I was the most disgusting thing on the planet. I don't know why, but I think he thought I didn't notice the tenseness in his posture and the brief glares he sometimes sent my way, like I was his personal high school demon. Whenever I caught him, he would school his face to match a tense smile. I saw through it, though; I saw the disgust. It made me angry. I was an adult, however, and I'd be damned if I was going to whine about his manners. I prided myself in being more mature than that.

"Okay, thank you," I replied politely, hoping he'd move on. I looked away, hoping that it would deter further communication. It didn't.

"Can you forgive me?" The desperation in his voice surprised me. Why would he need it? Especially considering how I at times seemed to reek, still.

"Do you need it?" I wondered, schooling my face to show polite interest.

"Yes!" He replied seriously. The intensity surprised me.

"Perhaps you should've considered it, before…" I leaned my head to the side, regarding him. I could see he looked uncomfortable at the reminder and I could tell he was unhappy. I wondered why he bothered.

"I'm very sorry to have ruined your stay. I was horrible to you and now everyone are…" he looked truly miserable at what he'd done, more so than I would expect. A part of me hated him for it, but a different part of me felt free at not being forced to follow the teenage high school norms, as I no doubt would've been forced to otherwise. Without him, I would've been trapped in the insincere friendships.

"I think you did me a favor," I admitted finally and his brows furrowed in confusion. I didn't bother to explain further, leaving him hanging, and then I left for the next class.

* * *

A part of me hoped to avoid Cullen, and another part wanted more of him. I wasn't sure why, but I knew I felt empowered when I clashed with him, as it gave me a rare opportunity to confront him. I'd never been one to stand up to myself, and I'd always been shy. The tiny part of me that hoped he was impressed with my mature behavior was stomped down.

I didn't get to avoid him, and it was with a surprise that he startled me out of my reverie at work.

"How come I did you a favor?" His entire demeanor had changed since class. Now he was grinning at me lightly, his tone and manner easy going, as if we were close friends and no trace of anything that resembled to me smelling terrible. I narrowed my eyes at him without thinking.

"Are you actually visiting me at the library just to ask that, or were you here on other business?" I asked him with a severe tone, which might've been due to the shock of seeing him, and also the nerve of him asking such a question.

His manners told me he was being friendly, but our past were far from that point, and I found I felt trapped by it and suspicious.

He seemed apologetic at my question, "I was checking out some books, anyway," he quirked a smile, which I found I rather liked. I ignored that feeling. Not knowing how to respond I continued with my work, ignoring him.

"Are you angry with me?" He asked me playfully. I was, but I wasn't going to let him know I harbored a childish notion to hit him. Seriously, where did all this violence come from?

"No, not at all," I told him, keeping my tone sincere. It made him stop in confusion. My mother had always told me that I was like an open book, but since I'd come to Forks my acting skills had definitely improved. I wanted to laugh at him, as he watched me with his confused expression. It felt good to shake up Edward Cullen.

"Why not?" His tone was almost demanding, as if I _should_ be angry with him.

I snorted, "Do you _want_ me to be angry with you?" I wondered, humored, while walking my book-round.

"No," he admitted sheepishly. I rolled my eyes to myself. "But I deserve your anger," he grieved. True, he did, but I _was_ enjoying being only Charlie and me. When I'd told Charlie in the beginning I was here for him it had been only partly true, but now it was all true. I really enjoyed spending the evenings together, and getting to know him. I wasn't about to go fishing, or anything, but it was nice to know him, since I'd avoided Forks for so many years.

"Listen, Cullen. I'll be angry if you want me to be, and I'll forgive you if you want me to, Cullen," I told him easily, keeping myself calm. I noticed he disliked me calling him his last name. "Whatever will make you leave me alone. There's no reason for you to continue to pursue this. Just apologize and let it be. Stop trying to make things _right_..."

"My name is Edward," he offered, clearly ignoring the last sentence I said, and I stared at him, silently pointing out that I didn't care. He sighed in resignation and I rejoiced just a tiny bit. "I don't want anything, unless you give it freely," he said truthfully and I stopped up to face him fully. What an odd thing to say, I thought to myself.

"You're pressuring me to make a choice, to either accept or deny your apology. That sounds pretty selfish and far from _free_. You have no right to demand anything from me," I informed him sharply, before regaining my calm.

"I'm sorry, when you say it like that…" Cullen admitted. I moved on and he stuck to me, until I stopped again.

"And yet despite saying you're sorry you still feel the need to demand something from me…" I said, pointing out that he still hadn't left me alone.

"I just hoped we could be friends," his voice was tiny, which surprised me. He looked so uncertain and so embarrassed. It was strange considering how in control he looked at school. It actually sounded as if he meant it, which I guess made sense, since him and his family were known to avoid others like the plague.

I got angry, " _why_ would I want to be friends with _you_?" I surprised myself by sneering at him, as it was so unlike me. He looked taken aback. I let my hand rest on my hip and I stared at him coldly, waiting for him to explain.

Was he really so narcissistic that he expected me to fall all over him like all the other girls? To just say 'sure, Edward, I'll just ignore your terrible manners and your rude behavior because you're so pretty'.

"I see the way you look at me, sometimes. I see how tense you are. You're like… two people, one that detests my very existence and the other…. tries to make up for the first. I can't keep up. You apologized, not please leave me alone." My words rang true, I could see it on his face. I hadn't said such words out loud before, but as I spoke them I realized how true they rang. Edward Cullen made me confused, because he seemed like 10 different people, and it was hard to keep up.

"I think you should leave," I told him when he didn't reply and I turned from him. I felt so angry at his arrogance, and it solidified the anger I'd almost let go of. He didn't bother me the rest of the evening.

* * *

Edward Cullen let me be for the rest of the week, but it was mostly due to him and his siblings not being in school. It happened apparently when the weather was nice, and tidbits here and there let me know it was because they camped whenever the sun was out. A part of me wanted to point out the arrogance, but another part of me knew that the family was very talented and all A+ students and would easily be able to catch up, so there was room for camping.

The brief respite meant I could relax more. I felt like whenever I reached the school I would tense and ready myself for battle, but when I knew they weren't at school I could relax more.

Of course, they were all back after the weekend, and Edward Cullen actually said 'hi' to me in the hallway. I ignored him, of course, instantly realizing that he was trying to continue whatever game he was playing, for some reason. No doubt in another attempt to force me to play whatever role he had assigned me. I refused to play along, though. He had said his apology and now it was time for him to move on.

A week later Edward Cullen was finally fed up with just saying 'hi' to me, and he joined me at my lunch table. I looked up at him in surprise.

"I thought I'd join you today, if I may" he admitted, his voice shy. I noticed that a lot of people were staring at us, but I calmed myself. He hadn't sat down and was waiting for my accept. He would be waiting a long time, I decided.

"Why? What part of last time at my work didn't you get?" I wondered, almost curious at how thick he seemed to be. As soon as I'd said it I realized why. He felt guilty for having made me unpopular, and this was his way of changing it. Surely if the, though unpopular by choice, but incredibly handsome Edward Cullen didn't mind, then why should they? Sheep mentality. Despite not being a part of the social circles in school, I saw and heard how people looked at them and talked about them. Especially the girls.

"Because you thought that it would make everything _better_?" My tone was angry and he seemed surprised at my attack. I felt like a bomb that would go off at any time when he was near me. It was utterly stupid.

"It's my fault that you are in this position, I should..." he replied feebly.

I cut him off, harshly "You're quite full of yourself, aren't you? You've apologized, stop expected anything else from me." I stood and then I deliberately leaned over the table, towards him, slowly. It took all of my strength to ignore the staggering perfume he was using and the mesmerize of his eyes. I could see his entire body tense, just like the first day and it only angered me further. "Leave. Me. Alone."

I walked away with dignity, mindful of stumbling, as it would ruin the illusion.

* * *

Edward Cullen left me alone for a while after that, though he still insisted on greeting me politely whenever he saw me, which ended up being all the time, it felt like. I simply ignored him, and for a while, it worked out, until he started visiting my work again, obviously bored that whatever game he was playing was progressing too slowly. For a brief second he reminded me of a dog, following its owner around everywhere. I didn't matter if I exploded and bitched at him, he would return dutifully. I could almost admire his persistence, were it not borne out of obvious guilt. And were he able to relax in my company, rather than tense every time I passed him, which gave me a clear sign that whatever his words might be, his body reacted differently and he was aware of it. I still had no idea why he bothered, which I had told him. I had no idea why he just couldn't apologize and then move on. He had apologized, several times, but he kept coming back, making it worse and nullifying the apologies.

At this point I was sure if he just told me the truth, told me that my natural smell apparently just made him uncomfortable, apologized and then left me alone I was pretty sure I'd be OK. Who knows with biology? I'd heard of crazier stories, so this could be a thing. As long as he just accepted it, instead of pretending that there was nothing wrong, or tried to make up for something when I didn't want it. He kept pushing my boundaries.

That was the problem, he really did try to pretend nothing was wrong, he tried to lie about it, despite it being obvious. I felt like he was mocking me. Were we not far enough out that he could simply tell me the truth and move on? Why the big show?

"Excuse me, Bella, could you tell me where Tolkien is?" Edward politely disturbed me at my desk. It was the first time since his failed apology that he was at the library.

"Second aisle, to the left," I pointed him in the correct direction, not wanting to show it myself, as I was trying to avoid him. Also, I was pretty certain he knew where it was. For a few seconds I was free of him and I ignored the lustful look my co-worker sent Edward's way.

"I can't find it, could you show me, please," Edward asked meekly, his tone polite. I sighed to myself and got up. I found it within seconds and handed it to him with a raised eyebrow, knowing exactly what he was doing.

"Thanks. And can you show me where-" Edward started, but I cut him off.

"The computer is? You can type in all books you need and get information on their exact location as well as rent information," I smiled while I spoke to him condescendingly, as if he was a child. He noticed right away and looked at little annoyed, but it was nothing to what I felt like.

"Oh, thanks," he replied through clenched teeth. I had almost expected him to force a more direct confrontation, so his reply surprised me. I wondered how far I could rile him up, but instantly let the idea go. I didn't want to be near him, after all. He was stupid, I told myself childishly. I showed him the computer and moved back to my desk, wondering what he would come up with next time.

"Hello, Bella," A different voice startled me and I noticed Alice Cullen standing eagerly at my desk. Briefly, I wondered why no one else was asking for my help, but I quickly realized that there were very few visitors.

"What can I help you with Miss Cullen?" I asked politely, though there was a hint of resignation in my voice. I didn't want to familiarize myself with calling her Alice, and just Cullen seemed a little aggressive. It was reserved for Edward.

"Please, call me Alice," Alice insisted with a huge smile and I nodded numbly, not prepared for her eagerness.

"What can I do for you?" I ignored her wish, but if she minded, she didn't show.

"Do you have any Spanish literature? I thought it might be a great way to improve my Spanish," Alice admitted. I also had Spanish, but we didn't attend the same class. The idea she had was good, and I knew we had a few books in different languages, though I wasn't certain if Spanish was one of them.

"Give me second," I told her while typing on my computer.

"So, you avoided the Sadie Hawkins dance tonight," Alice small-talked. I looked at the date and realized that the dance was indeed tonight. "Girl's choice - I wanted to go, but Jazz hates it," her tinkling laugh rang out in the library. "I know it's silly, don't you think so, too?" Alice asked, forcing me to reply.

"Yeah, pretty much," I replied eventually. I wondered why she wanted to go if she thought it was silly. Seeing as I wasn't asking she decided to explain nonetheless.

"I love dressing up," she admitted with a smile, answering my unspoken question.

"I noticed," I replied while scanning titles.

Jasper joined us with a light laugh and said, "no, seriously. She loves it." He looked at her with such adoration that I couldn't help but look away.

"I noticed that you almost never wear the same clothes," I admitted, remembering Alice's outfits. They were always so original and colorful, so I was almost certain to remember them, as they stood out. That or I just noticed them a lot. My reply didn't cause more questions and I noticed Jasper moved away, leaving me alone with Alice again.

"Anywho," Alice said easily, "you're getting extra credit work as well, right?" Alice pressed on.

"Yes," I replied. I was beginning to suspect they were annoying me on purpose. Like the saying goes: you're not paranoid if someone's out to get you. I kept my replies light to see what her responses would be.

"You're doing extra credit in all subjects, right?" Alice added. I wondered how she knew, but realized it wasn't exactly a secret.

"Yep," I replied as I looked up from the monitor. "I am sorry, we don't have any Spanish books, at all," I told her. It was a shame, as I could've used some myself. Her idea was a good one.

"It' OK. I can buy some online," Alice replied undeterred. "If you like we can help each other with Spanish. We could share books," she sent off a colgate smile and I suppressed the urge to agree, since I was sure she was doing it for her brother, presumably. The Cullens stuck to themselves normally, after all.

"That's very kind," I replied instead, "but not necessary." Her expression dropped for a second.

"So listen, I know my brother is an idiot," Alice admitted freely, surprising me. I frowned, uncertain at what her game was. "But the rest of us aren't," she assured me. I remembered her odd behavior and doubted her words, though I didn't point it out.

"OK," I replied, uncertain of what else to say.

"I'd love to be friends," Alice gushed eagerly. I stepped back mentally. The Cullens weren't friends with anyone, so why was I so different? I could only assume that she was still trying to help her brother, by befriending me, or make up for his lack of manners.

"I like it as it is," I replied unthinkingly. The reply surprised her, and her face fell. I felt so cruel for hurting Alice; she seemed so small and happy. Their need to make amends was getting ridiculous. I had heard their father worked at the hospital and that their mother was into charity. I guess that explained their behavior. Seriously, they were so messed up.

"Oh," she replied, making me feel guilty. I tried to remind myself that I was a calm ocean, and my worry and guilt faded.

"Have a pleasant evening," I told her and then moved back to my desk, avoiding her. She left with Jasper seconds later, who shot me a baffled look. I wondered what had confused him.

"I'm sorry about that," Edward's voice cut through my calm and I clenched my fists. What was it with them today?

"What are you sorry about _now_?" I wondered and rubbed my face tiredly. He seemed to be sorry all the time.

"My sister. She really likes you," he admitted with a soft smile.

"She doesn't know me," I pointed out. "And none of your family talks to anyone else at school," I informed him.

"Well, none of them are like you," he told me truthfully. I stared at him confused.

"Like me?"

"Yes. You're not like the others; they're petty and jealous, and you're smart and thoughtful," Edward confessed embarrassed, and almost too fast for me to understand. It was like he had spoken without meaning to, and he even looked surprised himself.

His words were true, well, at least those about the others being petty and jealous. I wasn't sure where he'd gotten the notion that I was smart and thoughtful from, or why he was saying it. I had certainly never displayed any thoughtfulness around him. It made me feel paranoid whenever he was normal or kind.

"So, I should feel lucky that the great Alice Cullen takes an interest? Or the great Edward Cullen?" I mocked. "You're exactly like the rest of the school," I informed him truthfully and he looked hurt. I felt like that was the only thing I did these days: hurting Edward Cullen. It would stop if _he_ stopped speaking to me.

"I'm not great," Edward said and I rolled my eyes.

"Details," I replied, "you keep to yourself, except for now when you feel sorry for having mucked up. Edward, since you obviously won't leave me alone until I forgive you I _will_ forgive you," I told him. "Edward Cullen I hereby forgive you," I said theatrically. He looked thrilled and laughed.

"Thank you!" He said sincerely, "but I still won't leave you alone," he grinned easily and I frowned, annoyed again.

"My father's a cop," I warned him and he looked slightly disturbed. Despite my closeness with Charlie, I hadn't informed him about my exclusion from the social circles, and I certainly wouldn't ask for a restraining order. Still, the warning had gotten rid of Edward and the rest of my evening passed uneventfully.

* * *

 **Hello, please review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Enough

**Welcome people :)**

 **I take your advice into consideration. Please let me know if there's something I am missing, or if you have a great idea.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3 - Enough**

Edward must've known that I wouldn't actually get a restraining order, because once the weekend was over he was back to pestering me, though he'd switched tactics, to minimum contact. Though, I noticed, the tenseness he portrayed around me was mostly gone. Only once in a while would he tense up, and I would be left to wonder what the hell was going on.

The constant change was giving me a mental whiplash, and I was really trying my hardest not to ask questions about it, as I reminded myself that it was _good_ that he wasn't bothering me.

For the following two weeks Edward kept a brooding distance all the time, almost back at his earlier cold behavior from when I first met him, though without the utter hatred and the continuous tense body language, and I was seriously beginning to wonder if he was suffering from a personality disorder.

The biggest annoyance was, however, how much I _noticed_. I felt like he was on my radar, and without even realizing it I would automatically zoom in on him whenever we accidentally met.

At first I liked it, as it meant I could mentally prepare myself, but then it started to become annoying when he looked almost tortured at just greeting me in the hallway, which now consisted of a nod, rather than a verbal 'hello'.

"Okay, that's it," I finally gave in after he had nodded to me stiffly upon entering biology. As per usual we were the first ones there, and I knew we had a few minutes until the next students arrived.

Edward looked startled at my outburst. I never initiated contact, which meant that by now we hadn't spoken in weeks.

"You are driving me NUTS!" I growled at him annoyed, "I swear, one minute you're up in my face, constantly, begging me for forgiveness and not leaving me alone, and the next you're acting like a moody little child. Are you suffering from a personality disorder?" I demanded, and realized how rude I was if that was the case. I hoped it wasn't, because then _I_ would need to ask for forgiveness.

Luckily he shook his head and said, "no." It came out like a pout and I rolled my eyes at him annoyed.

"No," I mimicked his moody voice and pout, making him frown. I rolled my eyes. "Tell me, because your attitude towards me is getting pretty old," I warned him.

"It's nothing," He muttered annoyed.

"Seriously, what are you? 5?" I asked him severely. He grumbled to himself angrily.

"What's it to you?" He demanded.

I laughed at him, "seriously? Everything, considering you're taking it out on me," I pointed out. He turned back in his seat, sulking.

"My god, you're such a baby," I told him, "and your eyes are golden," I added. He turned back to me within a second, staring me down. I met his gaze unflinchingly. When it came to Edward I had definitely learned to hold my ground.

"What?" he asked incomprehensibly.

" _When your eyes are black I can't keep track, but when your eyes are gold you are much less cold_ ," I said poetically. I realized it made me sound like I'd thought about this rhyme for a while, which I _had_ , but he didn't need to know that. "Anyway, I expect you to be a douche when they're black, not golden like now," I quickly explained my observation

Edward huffed in response and turned away. I rolled my eyes at him.

Silence reigned for a few seconds, and then I said: "I don't know why you're acting like this, but you need to stop it. I don't, in _any_ way, find this funny. And tell Alice, as well," I told him seriously. I returned to my schoolwork at hand, trying to ignore him.

He ignored me until Mr. Banner entered the room. Slowly the rest of the students came in, too. Seriously, he was acting like a small child as he sat with crossed arms and pouting in his seat. What the hell was his problem?

Biology today was a review of the year, and I was pleased to note that I was very far ahead. The summer was only a few months away, which would leave me with several weeks of boredom. It would be very beneficial if I could do some extra credit in my vacation as well.

As the bell rang I decided I would speak with Mr. Banner about it.

"Mr. Banner," I called him politely as the class emptied.

"Miss Swan," he acknowledged.

"In a few months the summer vacation starts up and I was hoping you might have a biology project I could work on. I'm gathering extra credit for when I apply for college," I explained.

"I am not sure, I don't think I have anything else but assignments like you've done so far, but I will keep an eye out. I expect you'll be asking all your other teachers the same?"

"Yes, I take extra credit assignments in all classes," I confirmed. Without friends I had plenty of time, after all. I had even gotten pretty decent in math. Mr. Banner nodded and said he'd ask around for me.

When I finally left the class I was surprised to find Edward waiting for me.

"Do you see what I am saying? Either you utterly ignore me or you stalk me," I said to him, riled up within seconds.

"I'm sorry," Edward apologized quietly and I visibly rolled my eyes at him mockingly.

"The apologies are getting pretty old as well," I replied tiredly at his act and moved onwards. He followed me closely.

"I _should_ apologize," Edward informed me severely. "Bella, you were right, we can't be friends." I stopped my tracks, getting seriously vexed and more than a little hurt.

"Right? I never said such a thing. I said you should leave me alone. _I_ said that whatever … _thing_ … you're doing needs to stop. We're _not_ friends now," I pointed out angrily, not even bothering to be civil.

"I mean, I'm not a good friend, and you're better off without having me in your life," he sounded so tortured as he spoke, as if he didn't actually want to say those words. "I'm not a good friend," he spoke as if the words were physically hurting.

"EDWARD!" I growled angrily and fully turned to him. He looked almost alarmed. I stalked closer to him and he stepped back, "You are royally pissing me off!" I hissed angrily, "I cannot keep up with your act. Let me assure you that I am, in under NO CIRCUMSTANCES, interested in keeping up with your act. I don't like you, you're not a nice person!" I was on a roll and continued. "You hurt me, you try to make it up to me, you overstep my boundaries continuously and then you're back at being cruel. I don't care about being your friend, _that_ I can assure you." I snarled at him mockingly.

As I breathed out in relief I realized how close I was to him. In fact, I had backed him up at the lockers. People around were staring at us curiously, but I hardly noticed them.

"... So do excuse me, _Cullen,_ for not actually caring that you don't want to be friends or whatever," I said much calmer. "Excuse me for not scraping the floor, whimpering for your affection…"

Another second passed and I stepped back from him. He stood frozen, almost resembling a sculpture or a statue.

"You have terrible manners towards acquaintances, I don't care if you also have them towards friends," I said calmly. "I have no problem, at all, at not having you in my life." And yet, for just a second, as I spoke the words, I felt something deep inside of me. It felt like fear. I had no time to consider the emotion.

For a few moments I wondered if I should give him the chance to reply, but realized we weren't having a discussion. I had no interest in what he had to say. Finally, I stepped further away from him and looked towards my next class. Students were still staring, so was his family, though this time they looked utterly shocked. I had idea how to interpret what that meant.

"You are such a mess, Edward. I need to get to class. I don't care about anything else. I don't care that you have a million layers, when the first layer is _this_." I finished and moved onwards. My heart felt like it was hammering away in my chest, so much as it almost hurt. I felt pumped and as I went to my next class I couldn't help but smile like a goof.

* * *

I wasn't impervious to gossip, so of course the confrontation between Edward and I spread like wildfire, often more exaggerated than what had actually happened.

"Poor Edward," Lauren said as we readied for gym in the girl's locker room. She spoke with an exaggerated loud voice. "I can't believe that _some_ girl just… attacked him," Lauren continued speaking to Jessica, who bobbed her head like a good sheep.

"Poor Edward," Jessica repeated with a giggle.

"I hope he's not traumatized," Lauren sighed theatrically, "I saw it with my own eyes, you know," Lauren continued loudly. The other girls were listening in, giggling. I focused on trying to get ready. "Some girl, I won't name _who_ ," the girls giggled loudly and I assumed Lauren had looked towards me. "... just attacked poor Edward. He had told her he wasn't interested in her and she just went bananas," Lauren nasally laughed and I ground my teeth, fiercely trying to ignore her.

I was done, and I straightened up and headed for the door. I felt flushed with anger and embarrassment, and of course that meant that I stumbled as I stepped over a bag. It wasn't much, but enough to make all the girl giggle uncontrollably.

"Be careful, Bella. Wouldn't want you to trip," Lauren mocked me. For a second I wondered how I could punish her, and then then the solution presented itself. "Of course, Edward might be safer if you did…"

"You know what, Lauren," I turned to watch her fully.

"What, Bella?" Lauren replied sugary. The sheep giggled as I stayed silent a flushed in discomfort. I had no idea what I had wanted to say.

"You are such a bitch," I eventually ground out. They laughed at me.

"Oh no, Bella called me the b-word," Lauren laughed hysterically at me with the girls. I heard them continue laughing as I stalked out of the dressing room.

Okay, so telling her she was a bitch was probably a less glamorous response than I had hoped give. My ideal response would've left her stomped and humiliated, but I had yet to find something that would do just that. Except for math, but I think giving her a math problem wouldn't give the desired effect.

Still, I had stood up for myself, in a way, and in front of five girls. Sure, nothing good came from it, but at least I had done it and perhaps next time I would be able to keep my cool.

Turned out Lauren did get what she deserved. And it was more glorious than I could've imagined, or even planned myself.

Apparently Lauren had wanted to console _poor Edward_ , and had approached him at lunch as he headed to his table.

I had no idea what happened entirely, as I was sitting too far away and didn't see the beginning of it all, but I looked up when I heard Edward's mocking tone. I swear, I almost felt bad for Lauren for the viscous words Edward sent her way. He made it quite known what he thought of her, and how little interested he actually was.

I could only sit stunned back and watch as Lauren was reduced to a puddle of tears. She was whimpering at the end of his loud tirade, and then she fled the lunch room. It felt like such a TV drama and I could only stare in shock over the chaos that was happening. Of course, I knew Lauren wouldn't end up unpopular like me, but to see her being taken down a peg or two was really satisfying.

"Wow…" Someone whispered almost shocked and I whipped my head to the side to see Jasper stand not far from where I was sitting. He stared transfixed at the scene farther ahead.

"Yes… _Wow_ ," I replied lamely. Our eyes met for a second and I couldn't help but laugh lightly, stunned.

"Poor girl," Jasper said, "but she's been pestering Edward for years. It was only a matter of time," Jasper commented relaxed. I felt very calm, but I could feel the laughter bubble inside of me.

" _Not_ poor girl," I corrected him with a laugh. Jasper left me alone and I was too distracted to wonder what he had even been doing in my end of the lunch room. A part of me liked Edward just a tiny bit more for ripping Lauren a new one.

I felt bad for enjoying Lauren's misfortune. She definitely took away the focus from me, which was a big plus, but a part of me really enjoying seeing her being verbally slapped, even if it had been by Edward.

I had never been violent or cruel, but I guess isolation and being bullied will make you care less. Still, I _did_ feel bad, and I tried not to rejoice too much.

As time passed the chaos seemed to die down. It was interesting to watch from the sidelines. Everyone knew Lauren was a bitch, but no one would say it to her face, of course, so the consensus was the Edward was totally out of line, and was even reported to the principal. But as soon as Lauren was away everyone would agree that what Edward had done had been well-deserved.

The drama made my head spin. Had it been dramatic in Arizona, too?

Edward still ignored me and our contact was non-existent, though that was probably because the merest hint of attention from him produced an angry glare from me. Strangely enough, Edward seemed almost afraid of me.

When I had exploded at Edward and told him how little interested I was in anything concerning him I had been somewhat lying. The truth was that Edward was often on my mind; to such an extent that I often dreamt of him, pining for him in so many different ways. It made ignoring him that much harder, and I was starting to hurt almost physically.

Renee picked up on my despair, and she reasoned that emotionally stressful situation often made us uncomfortable, hence why I had also lost a few pounds due to it.

I agreed with her assessment, but privately doubted it. There was more to my feelings than I had initially realized, but I forced myself to bury the thoughts, not daring to open a drawer that should absolutely stay closed.

* * *

Mr. Banner, unfortunately, had been unable to successfully find any real work as extra credit, and could only offer assignments, which was getting pretty boring, though I accepted them nonetheless.

As we neared the summer vacation both Edward and Alice became more restless in regards of me, and it was getting on my nerves. Edward had been so good at ignoring me, but now he seemed troubled. They seemed unable to figure out what exactly what they wanted, and how they could implement me into the scheme. Often I found that Alice would stare at me, make a move towards me, and then change direction. Other times I saw her send hateful glares towards Edward, and sometimes uncertain.

Jasper and Emmett apparently found the whole thing funny; I had heard them once in the hallway, laughing at Edward. It made me confused, because the events were certainly not funny and I couldn't see how they could treat it like a big joke.

Rosalie was different. Surprisingly I tried to mimic her, because she did such a great job at being a bitch. Seriously, the looks she sent to the girls at school just made you freeze on the spot. She even sent me looks, but they seemed more bored and careless. As if she had just happened to look at me and found that I was lacking in everything.

Rosalie became a sort of inspiration, because she freaked me out, and I realized if I could freak _her_ out, perhaps I stood a better chance. Both against Edward and the girls at school. I didn't actually want to be a bitch, I just wanted to be able to defend myself, even if it meant glaring at people until they went away.

And so, whenever it was possible, I began observing her. That meant the parking lot and at lunch, since we didn't share classes. I was certain I was being inconspicuous, but she noticed nonetheless. The blushing was a dead give-away that I had stared at her.

I got better at my death stare. I was utterly unable to turn it into a bitch stare like Rosalie's stare, but I could stare intensely enough that I made people uncomfortable. I could even stop blinking for longer than normal. Lauren and Jessica were the first to experience this, after Jessica had made a rude comment to me I had stared at her unblinkingly and very intensely for a while. I might've looked more of a freak than a bitch, but it got the job done, so to speak. I made them so uncomfortable that they strove to avoid me.

Sure, they thought I was weird, but I managed to avoid people.

* * *

 **A quick review to tell me what you think**


	4. Frustrations

**Montara ** mentioned Bella being Edward's mate. True, she detests the way he is currently acting, but they ARE mates, and they will overcome their differences.

 **A guest** mentioned reading Edward's POV just as a contrast, and I think it's a great idea, and will probably be later on. I have an idea where to put it, so perhaps next chapter or the chapter after that.

 **Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews!**

* * *

 **Chapter 4 - Frustrations**

Edward and Alice started to behave more normally in the following months; in fact, they left me entirely alone. Both gave a polite smile if we caught each other's eyes on accident, like decent people normally would, but nothing more than that. No greetings, no pressuring me into trying to be friends. No visits to the library or any forced conversations.

It was pretty strange and a stark difference from earlier, but I wasn't complaining. My hatred levels even seemed to drop, and I found I was less inclined to glare at anyone, and I felt much less tense. Even in class, when Edward arrived early and we had minutes to ourselves, he didn't speak, but studied.

Only once had he spoken to me to ask about a school related question, which seemed entirely innocent.

One would think it was perfect, one would be inclined to say I got what I wanted.

One would be wrong.

The more normal Edward behaved, the stranger _I_ felt. I had had dreams of Edward before, but as our contact became basically non-existent my dreams would make up for it, and I would end up dreaming of Edward almost every night.

The dreams continuously shifted between nightmare and ridiculous romance. I found myself stuck between dreams of utter loathing and love. We'd fight, we'd kiss, I would run around unable to find him. The worst dreams were the ones where I searched for him at school, only to realize that he had moved school and never would return.

When I woke up I would feel like bursting, because the conflicting emotions were making me enormously frustrated and sad to the point of almost physical aching.

Coming to school sometimes felt like an emotional hell. I would feel the conflicting emotions of wanting to hear him speak to me, and at the same time feeling like I wanted to punch him.

It came to a point where I almost considered initiating contact just to hear his voice, which was annoying, as my ideas to initiate contact ranged from simple questions to starting direct and angry confrontations. Unfortunately, bitching at him and telling him to stay out of my dreams weren't exactly and option, and I convinced myself that I would just need to ignore him, and then the dreams would go away, too.

The contrast was making me feel very confused, resulting in my inability to control my own emotions, which made me end up overreacting in many instances. I had been certain Edward had a personality disorder, but I was beginning to feel as if it was actually me who had issues.

On the last day of school, before the summer vacation, Edward spoke to me once more. I was annoyed at the relief it brought to the point where I actually tensed up in frustration over myself.

"Bella?" Edward's heavenly voice called.

"What?" I snarled angrily and glared at him. Edward leaned back, apologizing for existing with his entire body language. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean… I slept horribly last night." I had actually slept wonderful last night as I dreamt of Edward, dreams that I tried hard to forget, as it was becoming increasingly hard to think around him. It was starting to make me angry, and I was more than pleased for the summer to start. Hopefully the dreams would come to an end if I saw Edward less. I felt unable to control my emotions around him.

Edward nodded, apparently accepting my behavior. "I was thinking about extra credit work," he admitted to me as I packed my things after the last bell had rung.

I stopped what I was doing and stared at him, making him fidget under my stare. I was more interested in hearing his voice, than actually registering that Edward was speaking to me. I had no idea how it was possible, but I had _missed_ his voice! It felt so unfair that he could hold such power over me, both in my dreams and in reality. It made me feel angry again, and I tried to stomp down the profanities that were threatening to burst through my lips.

Continuing, Edward said: "I just wanted to inform you that my father is looking for some help at the hospital. I know you were looking for extra credit work, so I thought of you." It sounded so innocent, but I realized he was once more back to trying to right things. Farewell to the normalcy.

"Oh," I replied blankly. I stared at him uncertain for a few seconds. It was like I had no idea what to do when it wasn't an angry confrontation. Sure, he was trying to right things, but this _was_ a great opportunity, one I couldn't ignore, unless I wanted to only do extra credit in paper form this summer. And considering how I had just behaved this was extra nice of him.

"What are you thinking?" He wondered curiously.

 _That I wish you weren't trying to be nice, because it's not helping my sanity_. I thought to myself.

Out loud I said: "What you are," I admitted. He looked disturbed for some stupid reason. "It's OK if you have… issues. You don't have to tell me the specifics, but it would be nice to understand," I assured him calmly.

"I don't have any disorders," he reiterated with certainty.

"What do I do? Where do I apply?" I wondered interestedly, moving onwards.

"You visit him at the hospital. I told him you might come by," Edward assured me. He wasn't forcing this on me, but giving me a choice, and he wasn't being moody. I wasn't entirely sure if this was Edward or if his Kind Twin had taken over. Funny how we'd switched personalities; _I_ was the idiot now and he was the kind one. I would need to work on my manners, clearly.

Trying to calm myself, I said "I don't know… I'm usually not good with hospitals," I admitted, "it's actually kind of a miracle that I haven't been there yet," I said. At his confused expression I decided to elaborate. "I get into a lot of accidents. A. LOT. of accidents. You've seen me fall over my own shoes, or even over air," I pointed out and I could see a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "And I hate the smell of blood."

"Humans can't smell blood," Edward argued logically, effectively calling me a liar. Within seconds the pent up sexual frustrations from my dreams turned to livid anger and I stared him down.

" _I_ can," I insisted, "it smells of rust and salt. But it's a great opportunity, so I will see what I can do about the smell," I said, ignoring his confused expression.

For a few seconds we stood in an uncomfortable silence until Edward said, "please have a nice summer, Bella. See you around," and then he left. I stared after him, trying to calm myself. I wasn't even angry, and yet feelings of annoyance were soaring through me; as if I didn't want him to leave, as if I wanted to yell at him, perhaps even just to keep him around longer. I started to feel annoyed. The last thing I needed was his kindness, and it even came out of thin air. Who knows how he would be next time I saw him. Seriously, if I met him in the parking lot now he could be completely opposite of what he had just been.

Nevertheless, I thought visiting Dr. Cullen would be a good idea. No matter what kind of work it was, it would definitely look good when I applied for college.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen was not what I had expected. I knew the rumors, of course, but I realized that Edward and his adopted siblings and father looked more alike than they probably should. Dr. Cullen was absolutely gorgeous, just like Edward. I quickly ignored those thoughts.

"You must be Isabella," Dr. Cullen greeted me easily. His hands were cold, like he had just washed them in ice cold water, but I ignored them in favor of his kind expression.

"Yep, and you must be Dr. Cullen," I replied obviously.

"Call me Carlisle. We're going to work together, after all," Carlisle grinned at me.

"Wait till the interview is over," I warned him with a slight grin.

"That won't be necessary. Edward has spoken very warmly of you, and I am certain you're just what we need," Carlisle assured me to my surprise.

"He has?" I said confused and Carlisle nodded. I took the chance. "Dr. Cullen, Carlisle… I know it's kinda personal, but he's been given me quite a bit of trouble… Is he… okay?" I questioned tactfully. Carlisle laughed lightly, as if enjoying some a private joke.

"He's perfectly well," Carlisle assured me with a smile, though it didn't make me feel better. Carlisle noticed. "There is a reason, but it's up to him to tell," Carlisle said. It sounded so ominous, so I nodded and let it go. I really shouldn't dig into it; I needed him to leave me alone, after all.

"Could you at least tell him to… I don't know… to leave me alone?" I asked politely. Carlisle regarded me for a second.

"I'll tell him," Carlisle assured me with a smile. "I _am_ sorry for my son's behavior, though," Carlisle apologized and I simply nodded. I wondered how much he knew. Charlie didn't know a thing. Did they share everything with their parents?

"Thanks," I muttered uncomfortably. What else could I respond?

Carlisle showed me around after that, and also showed me what I would be doing. Apparently the holidays left the reception pretty much unattended, which would allow me to work there for a few hours each day. He assured me he would also like me to help him with research, which sounded a lot more interesting than reception.

Between my now two jobs and extra assignments I would have plenty to do, and I would earn some cash, which would go to my college savings, though the library was cutting down my hours a bit, as they had fewer opening hours in the summer holidays.

Charlie was so proud when I told him, and he insisted we celebrate. I wasn't much looking forward to dinner at the Lodge, but he surprised me when he drove us to Port Angeles.

"I'm sure there's a bit more variety," Charlie said with a grin. I felt really happy and I matched his smile easily.

We found a nice restaurant, or Charlie did, "Bella Italia," Charlie said and parked outside.

The restaurant was far from what we were used to, and Charlie even looked a little out of place. Both the waiter and server were really kind, however, and we felt very welcome.

Being with Charlie was easy. Sure, I didn't tell him about the social issues I had, but that was because he couldn't do anything about it. I enjoyed our time together, and since I spent most evenings with him we were getting more and more in common. We even shared a TV-show, which meant we had more to talk about.

Who knew being a social outcast could be so beneficial? In Phoenix I had wanted friends, but the amount of people made me feel like I was drowning, so actually finding a friend was impossible. And in Forks, now at least, I found I could better see people for who they were, and I was pleased to avoid them.

Both the girls and the boys at school were mostly petty and ignorant. They all shared a creepy need to be _cool_ , which, despite my observations, I was unable to identify what meant. I was actually glad to avoid the drama and be with Charlie.

* * *

It was nice to be able to sleep in, though I probably didn't sleep the day away like I assumed most teenagers would. The library was open special hours in the summer vacation, which meant shorter days, and, for me, fewer hours. Luckily I could spend time at the hospital, and I also had the extra credit assignments from my teachers for the vacation. All in all, I was pretty certain I would have plenty to do.

My first shift the at hospital would be Monday, and as it was Saturday today I decided to do something else.

The excitement from getting the job at the hospital made me more open and adventurous, and I decided to paint the kitchen.

Charlie had gone to Billy, and I thought it would be a nice surprise. Renee had painted the kitchen bright yellow when she'd lived in Forks, but that was years ago and the color had faded to dull and greyish yellow.

At first I thought Charlie hadn't gotten over Renee, but as I got to know him better I realized he just didn't care about color schemes or decorations.

I called Charlie to hear if he had any suggestions regarding the kitchen, and he was very pleased at my enthusiasm, but had no particular color in mind.

The local hardware store didn't exactly leave room for much discussion color-wise, however.

"Oh! Hey Bella," Edward greeted me, with what seemingly seemed like surprise. My heart skipped a beat for just a second. It was odd to see Edward in the DIY store; his beauty seemed so otherworldly and it made him look misplaced. I felt really vain for always noticing his beauty.

"Oh, didn't see you there, Edward. Hello," I greeted, easily being nice as I was in such a good mood.

"What do you doing here?" He wondered curiously. "Painting?" He questioned, seeing me by the paint.

I refrained from any eye roll. "Yep. Thought I'd start the vacation being productive," I replied calmly. This was working well, I thought to myself. As long as he was the Kind Twin I would have no urge to smack him.

Silence. He stared at me, I stared back. The tension got to me "And you?" I wondered politely, succumbing to the social norms.

"Just looking for ideas. I'm putting up some shelves," he explained easily, obviously pretending not to notice the awkwardness. It lay like a pretty thick blanket around us, each sentence was spoken with hesitation and each reply was just a bit too late to make it feel normal. "The variation is a bit low here in Forks, though," and then he smiled that cute half smile that made my heart skip a beat. I growled internally as I told myself that it didn't mean anything.

"Yeah, choices are slim," I agreed, evaluating the different shade possibilities just to avoid looking at him.

"If you like we can join forces and go to Port Angeles. I think they have a bigger hardware store," Edward said with a smile. His tone and manners suggested that it was an idea he had just come up with, but I doubted his motives the second the words left his mouth. Was he still trying to befriend me? Was he just being kind?

I deliberated for a few seconds. Edward never spoke to others at school, so I had to assume that he was still trying to right what he did wrong. I would've been suspicious had he been Lauren or Jessica, too.

Considering my dreams, I really should stay away from him, as they made me behave erratically.

"We don't have to, just an idea," he said, backtracking. He seemed embarrassed. For some reason I even doubted his embarrassment. Was I really that paranoid? Whenever Edward spoke to me a part of me just screamed 'distrust'.

"I think I'll stick to white," I said, gesturing to the white paint. Sure white was boring, but white is also a stable color and it fitted to everything. Edward nodded and left me alone. I breathed out a sigh. When it came to Edward Cullen I felt tense, easily aggravated and utterly suspicious and paranoid.

I had to admit to myself that if any other guy had asked I'd be suspicious of them as well. I was a social outcast, after all. In Edward's case it was _his_ fault, and he was obviously still trying to make amends.

Still, manners dictated that I said thanks to him. "Hey Edward. Thanks for telling me that your dad needed help," I told him as I paid. I tried to leave quickly, but he didn't let me.

"No problem, Bella. Let me help you with those," he offered, grabbing the two buckets with white paint before I could protest.

"It's quite a color," Edward said, loading the paint onto my truck, but gesturing to the orange color of my car.

"Oh yeah, I know," I admitted. Wow, we were having a civil conversation and it had lasted for quite a while now. How odd, I thought to myself. I didn't even feel any annoyance at him. In fact, I didn't even feel like hitting something.

He looked like he debated with himself for a few seconds, so I quickly drove off before he could come up with anything. I wondered what he'd wanted to say, but I ignored the feeling. So he'd been kind, but that didn't exactly nullify the douchiness he'd shown earlier.

* * *

"Bella…" Charlie sighed as he surveyed the damage. The lower parts of the kitchen were painted, and one upper part, before my luck ran out.

"Well, it was bound to happen. I've been living on borrowed time," I joked. I tried not to wince as pain shot through my leg. I didn't think it was broken, but I'd definitely gotten a sprain from falling off the chair,

"Let's go to the hospital," Charlie helped me up. "Good thing you'll be working there," Charlie joked. I felt relief that he was comfortable enough to joke. He'd been utterly panicked when I'd called him to ask if he could come back home from Billy's.

"I'm sorry I had to ruin your time with Billy," I apologized.

"You're not ruining my time, Bells," Charlie assured me, helping me out to the car. "I worried…" He admitted. "You're so accident-prone," he sighed and I fastened myself in the cruiser.

We were seated in the waiting area, when was empty, and it was, apparently, unavoidable to run into Dr. Cullen.

"Isabella. Eager to start work?" Carlisle joked and Charlie tried to hide a laugh, but failed.

"Ha-ha," I replied, but with a smile. "And it's Bella," I reminded him. "But it was bound to happen," I sighed in defeat.

"Bella is… accident-prone," Charlie explained uncertainly.

"Two left feet," I added. Carlisle nodded understandingly. "But I've been so lucky since I arrived," I said.

"Alice said the car accident had been close," Carlisle said when he inspected my foot. The accident had been a stroke of luck.

"What?!" Charlie asked in shock. I hadn't told him how close it had been.

"I was several meters away," I quickly said in an attempt to do damage control. "Not close at all. Of course, with my luck and all it's a wonder. Oh well, but I was perfectly safe and out of harm's way," I rambled, hoping that Charlie would calm. I didn't like to worry him.

"It was your car that was damaged, not that you were almost hit as well. It came out wrong," Carlisle comforted Charlie, who visibly relaxed. I shared a glance with the doctor and I knew he was covering up the slip, which meant Alice must've been detailed regarding the accident. I remembered how she had stared at me the entire day. Had she been looking to see if I was OK? And why did Carlisle bother to lie for me? The accident _had_ been close.

The thought confused me. The entire Cullen family confused me and made me suspicious. And here I thought Carlisle was sane.

"Hello Carlisle," a musical voice interrupted us. Sadly, I recognized it immediately, as if I had been waiting to hear that voice. "Oh, you're with a patient," Edward apologized. We were in the waiting area still, so it wasn't exactly private.

"It's okay, Edward," Carlisle said.

"You forgot your lunch at home. I offered Esme to bring for you," Edward said perfectly naturally, as if he was simply a devout son. It was Carlisle's expression that threw me off balance. For just a second he'd seemed confused.

"Oh, thank you," Carlisle said, covering up the confusion. I was almost uncertain if it had been there. Almost.

"Hospital food no good, doc?" Charlie wondered with a grin.

"Esme makes the most delicious sandwiches," Carlisle admitted proudly. But I was still paranoid, but seriously, who would bring their father food without reason? There was no reason I should be suspicious. Perhaps something was wrong with me, I thought to myself. The lack of sleeping, the crazy dreams: it was all getting to me.

"We meet again," Edward grinned at me easily. And my paranoia was back, clouding my judgement. Edward's phone rang, and he glanced at it and put it on silence. "What happened?"

"I fell down," I said uncertain, still suspicious, though he didn't notice or care.

"I remember you said you were accident-prone," Edward recalled while nodding in understanding.

"You share classes with Bella, Edward?" Charlie asked interestedly.

"We share biology. Bella is very far ahead, of course, taking extra credit assignments. She's putting the rest of us to shame," Edward grinned. I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering what he was up to. Why was he flattering me in front of Charlie? Especially since him and all his siblings were straight A+ students themselves.

"So doc, what's the verdict?" I interrupted loudly, before their conversation got going.

"No fracture and just a very light sprain. I am certain you will be ready for work Monday," Carlisle smiled kindly at me. I breathed out a sigh in relief. "Please give it rest, though."

Carlisle and Charlie left to look at paperwork, leaving me with Edward. I ignored him steadfastly. I was paranoid, but why I didn't know. Of course he didn't bring his father a sandwich in order to just to bump into me "accidentally". He didn't even know I was here. It's not like he was stalking me. Right? Besides, Carlisle's confusion could simply be just that: confusion. He had forgotten that he had forgotten his food.

No reason to be suspicious of every move Edward did, I told myself. I remembered Edward at the hardware store just this morning.

Okay, I was officially losing it. Edward was not stalking me, and I was being paranoid for no reason. His earlier behavior had made me suspicious of even the tiniest things. My dreams were a mess and my sleep as well. No wonder I was going crazy.

I closed my eyes, keeping calm. I really needed to stop thinking that there was some grand scheme going. I really _did_ have the most unfortunate luck ever, so running into the guy who's bugging me all the time is right up that alley.

"I'm really sorry you got hurt," Edward said, startling me from my paranoid musings.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Hardly your fault," I pointed out. I turned to face him fully. "I never did get the chance to say thank you for helping me carry the paint this morning. And getting me this job. Thank you so much for your help, Edward," I told him sincerely. My politeness seemed to startle him and he looked like a deer caught in the headlight. His mouth was slightly agape and his eyes were wide.

I almost felt bad for him that he should be so anxious when I was polite towards him.

I stared at Edward using my best Rosalie-look, except this time I tried to look grateful instead of one who hated his very existence.

The effect was strange. His pupils dilated and his eyes seemed to darken. His mouth opened just a tiny bit. He looked dazed and for a moment, just a tiny moment, he had leaned towards me. He realized his position and quickly shifted and broke our contact.

"No problem, Bella." He averted his eyes, suddenly embarrassed. I felt a little warm and I'd rather he didn't notice what his eyes did to me; no doubt my cheeks were aflame. Stupid, mesmerizing eyes.

The rest of my weekend passed easily and Charlie finished the kitchen for me, since it was only half done. It ended up looking really nice, and by the time it was Monday my foot didn't hurt anymore and I was ready for work.

* * *

 **Hey all. Thanks for reviewing, you are awesome! And thanks for your reminders/questions/ideas, as they help me see what I've overlooked.**

 **Please review and let me know what you think!**


	5. Edward

**This is not a normal occurence, I just wanted to give you _some_ insight into Edward's POV**

* * *

 **BONUS:**

 **\- This was a rare occurence and I probably won't give you Edward's POV again. It was really hard to write.**

 **\- It contains ONLY Edward's experiences regarding Bella. He has SO much story, like the whole ordeal with James, Victoria and Laurent and his family as well, but that would be an entirely different story...**

 **\- I'm trying to make you see how he falls for her. I hope I succeed, because for some reason it was a pain to write.**

 **Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **ALSO: I'm considering changing the name of the story! "Smell the roses" was chosen due to the saying, but she's always been told she smell of fuccesia, so roses would be wrong. But I am unable to come up with a good name, and I also didn't want to confuse you.**

 **Do you have any ideas?**

* * *

 **Chapter 5 - EPOV**

School was hell, but I endured, as did my siblings, just like we always had and always would. Enduring was the essence of our lives, or existences, rather. It made me glum to consider it.

Alice was more bubbly than usual as we arrived at school, in fact, she had been way more bubbly in the last few months than she had for a long time, but today she seemed even more so, which was a frightening thing to behold. Of course, I _knew_ what it was about. I could just read her mind and see what she was planning for Jasper. I preferred not to, however, and did my best to ignore the buzzing.

At lunch, we stayed at our table, my four coupled siblings and I. Alice was eager, trying to break the silence with whatever she could find, which was starting to get on my nerves, but Jasper enjoying her happy emotional climate. Rosalie was bored, and Emmett was planning a match with Jasper later.

"So, new girl," Alice said and we all looked towards the entrance of the cafeteria. The new girl, Isabella Swan, or Bella as she had insisted on being called. The girls were jealous that the boys were fawning over the new toy in town. I could almost pity her.

"Fascinating," Rosalie muttered carelessly. I rolled my eyes at her, but I mentally agreed. I wasn't particularly interested in the humans surrounding us, either.

"Any good?" Emmett wondered, referring to my mind-reading skills.

" _Who are they?"_ Isabella's voice drifted easily to us and we listened quietly. Of course, she had spotted us; we stuck out like a sore thumb.

" _They're the Cullens,"_ Jessica introduced us. _"They're, like, super rich and stuff. Their father is Carlisle Cullen, who, like, looks like a model. He's so hot. He's not that old, though. He's married to Esme. They adopted, like, a bunch of kids. Get this, though. They're all_ together _. Like, together, together!_ "

" _Well, they're not actually related?"_ Bella pointed out without judgement. I was slightly impressed with her calm tone and behavior. Most we met who heard about us seemed incredulous. I listened to her mental voice, but I had trouble finding it. I looked over at her and caught her gaze. She was quite pretty, for a human. Deep, brown eyes and brown hair. Her eyes widened as she saw me look, and a beautiful red color stained her cheeks.

" _Whatever, I think Mrs. Cullen can't have kids, so she's just like taking in strays, or something."_ We all snarled quietly to ourselves at her stupidity.

" _Oh, that's really nice of them to take in so many kids. How considerate,"_ Bella responded. Her response surprised me once more, as it was kind and without a trace of disgust of how we lived.

Still, I couldn't read her thoughts. It was almost unnerving, since I had never experienced anyone I couldn't read before. I knew she was there, and yet it felt like a blank spot.

"The usual," I eventually lied to Emmett, who had asked a question. I didn't want to tell I couldn't read her mind until I was certain. I had never met anyone I couldn't read.

Visions of Jasper hunting and visions of Jasper eating a human filled Alice and my mind, and I pushed away my food and got up. It always made me uncomfortable to watch Jasper; I worried for him - we all did. I knew he wasn't likely to eat a human, but Alice saw _possibilities_.

My next class was biology and I was the only one who wasn't partnered up in this class. That came in handy when it turned out Bella was in my class. Most students had arrived and settled into their seats when Bella entered. She gave a slip of paper to the teacher to sign, and then proceeded towards the empty seat next to me, nearly falling over thin air.

Then it happened, a gust of wind blew towards me and I was assaulted by the most delicious scent ever. There was nothing next to it; it was pure, it was raw, it was all I had ever needed. All I had to do was reach out.

I was enough in control to realize I would have to kill them all; I would be able to kill them within seconds. Bella, of course, would be last and she would realize what went on, but it was a terrible cost I was willing to make; she was simply too delicious to not savor. I needed to prepare her, do make sure the experience would be absolutely perfect.

Perhaps I could even keep her alive for a while.

No, that wouldn't do. I wanted all of her. I wanted as much as possible and I wanted to feel full and satiated with her delicious blood. I wanted every ounce of droplet to run through me. It was a strangely arousing thought; I'd never been more of a monster than I was right now, mentally. I had murdered so many before, but this was nothing like that time. These innocent bystanders would die, just for this one girl. I didn't even care.

I almost rose from my seat, readying myself to attack, but another gust of wind removed her scent temporarily and I was lucid for a second, which was enough for me to gather myself.

I stopped breathing, panicked at what I had been about to do. I had been so close. Even now I stared at her, unable to keep the monster in check. She was startled by my, no doubt, hostile expression.

"Mr. Cullen, is there a problem?" Mr. Banner wondered as Bella had yet to sit, clearly terrified of me.

"Can I sit somewhere else?" I panicked, I couldn't do this. I would kill her and I had never been more scared. I could hear him wondering mentally what was going on.

I grabbed the first excuse I could think of: "She _reeks!_ " Mr. Banner stared at me almost horrified at my cruel behavior, and I heard the sniggering start. Bella blushed the most delicious shade, and I tried to keep my hands steady. Already I was making heavy dents in the woods of my table.

 _He looks awful, as if she truly does smell_ , Mr. Banner smelled the air inconspicuously, but couldn't smell anything bad. I saw myself in his mind, how terrified and disgusted I looked. It was enough to convince him and I was out of my seat in an instant. I took a seat further back, closer to a window, which I opened, much to my classmates' amusement.

I breathed in deeply from the fresh air, and then sat down. The monster was under control, now I just had to not breathe until the end of class, and then I would be free.

I started contemplating switching classes; surely, there had to be an open spot somewhere; anywhere.

For the rest of the class my thoughts unwillingly alternated between killing all the students, and trying to find out why I couldn't read Bella's mind. I tried to focus on her, but it was hard, as I had never been so tempted in my life to kill a human. I wondered why Alice hadn't seen this, but then again, she had been so busy with Jasper.

Once the last class of the day was out, I hurried to the office, hoping to switch classes. I was out of luck, and no matter how hard I tried there were no available classes.

I tried to use my allure, but all it did was make Mrs. Cope unfocused and unable to think straight.

The door opened behind me, making the wind swirl in the small office and I was assaulted by Bella's scent. Another girl stepped up and handed a piece of paper, and I only now realized that Bella had been in the office while I had tried to switch classes. She had heard everything.

I glared at her, trying to control the monster. Classes were out and she _would_ follow me if I asked her to. I might not even bother asking; I could take her when she got to her car, or when she reached home. Then no one else was hurt.

Bella fled the room, and I stared after her for a few seconds, a plan hatching in my mind. I left Mrs. Cope dazed and trekked after Bella. Outside I followed her scent calmly. The wind was blowing lightly, enough for me to keep my calm. I managed to stop, conflicted.

"Edward," Alice said worriedly as she greeted me. She had a firm grip on me.

"I have to leave," I told my siblings. Emmett and Rosalie looked confused, but Jasper felt my emotional climate, and I could tell in his mind that he was horrified and utterly worried for me. He could feel how close I had been to murdering them all.

"I know, come home soon," Alice looked sadder than I would've presumed. She hugged me tightly, "please come back soon; it will be OK!" Alice assured me.

I had no time to think about what she might've seen, as I needed to leave. Even with a clear head, I just wanted to eat her. I strolled towards the woods and disappeared into them, and then I took off at high speed. I growled loudly as I battled the monster that wanted me to pass Bella's house, and I was hyperventilating in hopes of getting enough fresh air to clear my head.

It didn't work, and I ended up drinking water from a stream. It hurt and was very uncomfortable, but it distracted me and only when I was halfway into Canada was I able to purge the water from my system and think clearly.

I roamed for an hour or so, before moving towards Denali. They would welcome me; they would allow me to stay.

In the evening Carlisle called me, the family at home in Forks gathered around the phone.

"Edward, are you okay?" Trust Carlisle to think of my wellbeing when I had contemplated slaughtering an entire class and endangered our way of life, not just by exposing us, but the wolves from La Push would hunt us down. I growled in frustration.

"I feel cheated," I admitted annoyed. "I can't go back, not yet," I found that in this moment I had never hated someone as much as I hated Isabella Swan. "I can't read her mind," I admitted. I could hear them mutter uncomfortably between themselves.

"Then we kill her," predictably Rose said.

"Don't be stupid," Alice growled. "She's no threat."

"If we kill her Edward can come back. Better it be one person than an entire class," Rose reasoned. I wanted to agree, but I was sane enough not to.

"No, I don't want to kill her," I lied, "I just need to be in control… but not yet. I don't know…" I muttered.

"Alice?" Esme wondered.

"Edward, I can't see when you'll be back, because no possible decision has been made," Alice announced, but she was holding something back, and they all sensed it, so she elaborated, "If you go back now you're only back for her blood. Please don't hurt her," Alice whispered her plea; it sounded so heartfelt. My heart constricted.

"Edward won't kill her," Esme assured us all. I hated her for a second for restricting me, but I was grateful at the same time for believing in me. Her belief made me stronger; I didn't want to disappoint. I felt guilty for my thoughts.

"Stay as long as you need to, Edward," Carlisle assured me. "We're here for you."

* * *

The longer I stayed in Denali the more uncertain I became of the entire incident. Surely, a small human girl couldn't be _that_ bad. Who was she to drive me from my home?

To my chagrin, however, my words had had a bigger effect than anticipated. Bella was now a total outcast.

"Better than dead," I reasoned when I spoke with Alice on the phone.

"Oh but it's terrible, Edward," Alice lamented, "I have trouble seeing her, too… She's scrambling all our gifts," Alice admitted, "Jasper even has trouble reading her emotions from time to time," she informed me. Eleazar was curious about this, of course, since he had never met such a powerful human before.

"But she's alive," I reiterated.

"Yes, but an outcast, Edward," Alice argued, "she has no friends, nothing. Jessica and Lauren are, surprise-surprise, total bitches," Alice informed me. I felt guilty. Bella didn't deserve such expulsion. She seemed so innocent.

Thinking about Bella didn't help at all. I was more and more convinced that she couldn't be bad. I was also feeling guiltier and guiltier for having made her a social outcast. I started to consider going back, but I still wasn't certain that I dared.

I spent my time hunting and trying to distract myself. It was hard, though, as my thoughts often strayed to Bella. I remembered her wide, chocolate brown eyes. They had been horrified at my word, and then they showed her humiliation through her unshed tears.

I remembered her expression when I realized she was in the office with me when I had wanted to switch classes; she had looked devastated and utterly humiliated. I had done it right in front of her. There was no way that she wasn't fully aware that it was about her; I wouldn't be able to lie if I ever met her again.

Whatever emotional trauma I had pushed her through was better than death. If she knew she would be grateful for my restraint. She didn't know, of course, and so did no one else, except for my family.

After almost a month away, Alice called with her weekly update.

"I swear! She was so close! I saw tiny specs of glass hit her, that's how close she was! No one cared about her, no one asked if she was OK…" Alice's words made me feel guilty once more.

"It's better than being dead," I replied through clenched teeth. I was getting frustrated. I almost saw the scene as it must've unfolded, though this time Bella was hit. Would she have realized what happened? Would her pretty eyes widen in shock as they had when she had met me?

It almost hurt to think about her death, even though a part of me longed for it. I had done so much to keep her alive, and this was how she repaid me?

* * *

I stared at the small house, nestled just by the woods. I growled quietly to myself. Her scent was all around the house, and I masochistically wondered how it would smell in her bedroom.

I had trouble hearing Charlie Swan's mind, and I realized Bella's gift must be genetic. I wondered what her mother was like. I stayed put until they ate dinner, and then I leapt up to her room. I opened the window with minimal fuss and immediately I was assaulted by her scent. I tried to stay unmoving, lest I destroyed the house or window.

Finally, I was in control enough to jump inside. Her scent was everywhere, and I tried to breathe in deeply. I was going back to school tomorrow, and I needed to prepare myself. I breathed in deeply again, inhaling her scent and trying to acquaint myself with it. I would have to muster the burning if I wanted to stay. And I did _want_ to stay; my family was here, after all.

I found I rather liked the colors of her room. I hunted through her stuff, hoping to find more redeeming things about her, anything that could fight the monster inside of me, and I found a collection of worn out classical books, as well as a CD with Debussy. I had never met any teenagers who heard Debussy, or any other kind of classical music, unless they were geeking it. It was almost all or nothing. I found a wedding photo of a woman and a man. The man looked younger than the woman did, and the woman held some resemblance to Bella. I thought this might be her mother.

Her taste was simple. I liked how I could find no trace of makeup, and how her room seemed to embody Bella's personality: quiet, introvert, intelligent. I worried about the accident, about her. Had she been hurt? Even a tiny bit? Was she scared? Had she decided that Forks was too dangerous and she'd rather go back to her mom? The last part was wishful thinking, of course.

I left not soon after. Carlisle and Esme welcomed me home with open arms, as did the others. Alice was really happy to see me, and she showed me visions of me being near Bella. It made me feel better, even though visions of _not_ hurting her was just another possibility.

"It's going to be tough," Alice admitted, "she hates us," she looked chagrined, an expression that definitely didn't suit her.

"I thought you meant because she smells edible. We're not befriending her," I told Alice. But I was wrong. I realized now that I had come back to check on Bella. I needed to right what I had done wrong, which meant I would do whatever it took. Alice smirked at me, already having seen my plans, and then she went hunting with Jasper.

I didn't include the others in my new crusade, keeping the secret between Alice and myself – for now. They wouldn't understand, especially Rosalie. She would say it was too dangerous, but Rosalie didn't get it. She didn't get how important it was for me to make sure that Bella was OK. It was _my_ fault and _I_ needed to correct it.

I wondered if Bella really was as closed off as Alice's visions said. Surely if I apologized things would be better, right? She would forgive me. I would undo what I had done and she could be popular and hang with the girls and be adored by the boys.

That thought made me growl. I didn't want her near the girls, certainly not Jessica and Lauren, and I most certainly didn't want her adored by someone like _Mike_.

I tried to convince myself it was for the best that she was friends with humans, because she didn't have any other choice, unless she wanted to be alone.

 _We could be friends with her_. The thought was provoking me. A part of me was intrigued by Bella, but I knew it was futile. I was a monster, now more than ever perhaps.

* * *

The day after the accident was my first day back again. Esme had spoken with the principal and given a good reason for my absence, which meant no teachers asked questions.

I tracked Bella through the minds of the students, and Alice had been more right than she could've known. The cruelties they thought regarding Bella was almost making me growl. Jessica and Lauren were especially nasty, and they took it upon themselves to exclude Bella from all social activities. In their minds, I saw the jealousy from Bella's first few hours as the popular new toy.

The girls were cruel and petty, but I saw that the mocking had quieted, as the month had passed. Left was _only_ comments here and there in the vicinity of Bella, just to remind her of her status. Bella bore it surprisingly well, which, for some reason, pleased me enormously.

At lunch, I got the chance to see Bella with my own eyes. Her eyes automatically sought out mine. I saw her eyes widen, and then I saw how her cheeks flamed red. I felt humored, but she looked away and stalked over to take a seat at the opposite end; far from humans and alone.

"She sits there alone," Alice commented. "No one else wants her," she added sorrowfully. I stared at her confused.

"Why the commentary?" I wondered. Was she trying to make me feel bad? Her commentary was unnecessary, since I already felt utterly wretched and oddly protective of Bella. It was conflicting emotions; on one hand I'd rather she sit alone, away from the cruel students, but on the other hand I wanted her to be happy. I glanced towards Bella and saw she was occupying herself with schoolwork. She didn't look displeased. It made me feel slightly better.

"Just wanted to let you know," Alice replied innocently. I rolled my eyes at her. Inside her head she was focusing on non-consequential thoughts, and I knew it was a decoy. I would figure out her secret eventually.

"What did you see?" I wondered. Our siblings listened to our conversation.

"That you're going to try to make it _right_. I must warn you; she absolutely loathes us. I tried to make things better, but her reaction to me changes constantly and I can't be sure of how she will react. It's very annoying, because in one vision I see that it will be good to say 'hi' to her, and in another doing so makes her hate me even more... There's nothing concrete to go on, so making things right will be fumbling in the dark," Alice laughed lightly. I stared at her.

"Alice, why would she hate _you_? I'm the one who wronged her," I wondered curiously. Alice shrugged uncomfortably.

"I'm not _sure_ … it's like… Well… It because she's difficult to read. Jasper says I make her nervous – when he can read her, but he's not sure either. But she definitely hates the rest of the school, and they _are_ cruel to her… Did you know they call her Smelly Belly? It sounds stupid, I know…" Alice rambled. I stared at her surprised. I hadn't heard about that nickname through the voices I'd followed today.

" _I_ think," Emmett added his own theory, "that Bella hates us because we don't act like the other kids," he explained. We all stared at him confused, "no, I mean, think about it. Rosalie, you looked like you wanted to murder her yourself after Edward left. That's not exactly polite behavior, either, but it's not like the Jessica and Lauren, who spent an entire day holding their noses whenever they saw her. And Alice always behaves erratically. We're guilty by association," Emmett explained.

"That's…" I failed to answer.

"It makes sense," Alice replied sadly. "I mean, I've tried to approach her, but I kept getting conflicting visions, and I often changed course… So, I suppose I would end up seeming really strange to her… Oh no! She _hates_ me!" Alice growled frustrated.

" _WHO_ cares!" Rosalie snapped. "I swear, it's just a lame little human. Ignore it and it will pass. She'll die soon anyway," Rosalie shrugged carelessly and I growled unthinkingly. She glared at me in response. I let go of my mis-placed anger.

"I'm going to apologize," I told them seriously. I could hear their thoughts questioning my behavior. Well, except Alice, who seemed to be on my side. They thought I was insane, but how could they not get it? Bella looked so utterly innocent and kind and hurting her was a cruelty in itself. My mind strayed briefly to Tyler who had nearly killed Bella. I wondered if I should retaliate. One less person to hurt her.

Alice broke my train of thought, which was probably a good thing.

"Be careful, though!" Alice warned me as I rose and left. I assumed she meant because Bella smelled delicious…

I easily traced Bella's scent to class. I inhaled it, trying to restrain myself. It was hard, but as I entered, I felt enough in control. We were both in good time.

Bella was now sitting at the table I had moved to on her first day, politely giving back my table. I wondered if this was a deliberate move on her part, as a way of giving me "my" table back, or if she preferred to sit in the back.

I easily slid between the rows down to her seat. She was studying, but I could hear her heart was beating loudly in her chest. I must've terrified her beyond reason. I felt even worse.

I had rehearsed what I wanted to say, and I controlled the monster within me as I spoke the words as kind as possible. "Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. I'm so sorry I was rude last time. I kinda panicked. I heard about the accident yesterday and I'm glad you're ok." It was a lame excuse, but I couldn't exactly let her know of all the glorious details and lying wasn't possible, since she had heard me trying to switch class. I felt I was out of air now, and I clenched my fist as I tried to control myself.

Bella stared at me for a while, and I tensed at her open gaze. She looked so innocent. Her cheeks were red and it would just be so easy to lean in and bite her.

Her words broke my concentration, "yeah, sure," she replied crisply. I stared at her confused. She was staring at her homework, completely ignoring me. I could tell my apology had had no effect on her. I wanted to say something.

Right then I wanted to beg, but then she looked up at me with such an intensity that I almost stepped back. Her gaze was so scrutinizing, and while I wanted to look away, her eyes captivated me. Humans never looked at us as they were too afraid, but Bella stared at me so unafraid.

I worried what she saw, but in her eyes I saw my own reflection and I tried to loosen my stance, to seem less dangerous. When the other students began to arrive, I moved back to my seat, though mentally I was stumbling. The intensity of her gaze had kept me rooted. I felt lost in her eyes. It was utterly ridiculous.

I shook my head to myself and tried to calm my nerves. I felt strangely odd, as if I felt clammy and anxious, which was impossible. Her scent was having quite an effect on me, I realized.

* * *

I thought Alice might've exaggerated when she said getting into Bella's good graces would be difficult – but she wasn't.

I had tried to apologize, and even though she eventually accepted, I still felt as if it wasn't enough.

I felt like an idiot most of the time when it came to Bella. At first, I tried to make up for my behavior, but realized that it was only making things worse. Then I stopped, only to start again not soon after, as I was unable to stop myself.

I had no idea why I just couldn't let it go, nor could my family, for that matter.

* * *

I was officially a stalker - and out of my mind. I tried everything; I tried talking to her and I tried doing what she asked me to: leave her alone. I even tried ignoring her, though that was for my own benefit, as I was beginning to go crazy over her.

The worst part was that in my need to understand Bella's mind I often ended up in an angry confrontation with her. Of course, usually her words were uncaring and disinterested, but they seemed like they were truly what she thought. It was a rare insight into her mind.

Humans never really spoke their minds, they always edited, but Bella, it seemed, had no problem with telling things as she saw them.

It was sad that she had such low opinion of me, but until I could rectify that I would have to live with her disinterested words.

I shouldn't have cared what Bella thought of me. Indeed, I tried hard not to care and to ignore her. In the end, I always ended up trying to talk to her. I spent hours after school just picturing scenarios of Bella and I and how I would make things _right_. It was crazy how much I bothered.

Every single time I spoke with Bella she would say something that didn't make sense. Sometimes I could see she was utterly pissed with me, but when she answered, she would be kind. Other times it was the other way around; I would think it would be safe to say 'hi', and then she'd utterly blow up.

I felt like walking on eggshells when it came to Bella. A simple nod could make her glare, and simple apology could make her speak to me nicely. A 'hi' could make her blow up. Nothing was certain, except that she seemed both immune to my vampire allure and to my vampire threat.

Either Bella was utterly oblivious, with no survivability skills, or I had lost my touch.

Humans were supposed to fear me; what had changed? I had heard about an incident involving Lauren and Bella earlier, so when Lauren approached me I lashed out automatically. All the pent up anger I felt from not being able to get through to Bella was directed towards Lauren, who left crying and wasn't seen the rest of the day.

Jasper, my hero of the hour, had kept close to Bella in order to monitor her emotions, a plan concocted by Alice, I realized. Turned out that Bella was pleased with my effort, so at least I got that going for me, which was nice.

The sad part about it wasn't that Bella had actually been pleased that Lauren had been humiliated, since it had been well-deserved, but rather that Lauren had actually _dared_ to approach me. This made for a huge joke in my family, of course.

I had never met anyone like Bella, and certainly not a human. Bella was totally unafraid to look me in the eye; in fact, her gaze was so intense that I often found myself rooted by it, almost unable to move, mostly because I seemed to forget what the hell we were talking about, or what I was about to do. I felt like she wiped my mind clean when she stared into my eyes.

I had noticed she used a similar glare against some of the girls, when they became too much, and it certainly helped keeping them away from her.

When she used it against me, it felt different. I felt like she was capturing me with her gaze, and forcing me to just stand and look stupid.

It was utterly ridiculous.

* * *

As time passed, I was still failing at getting into Bella's good graces. I felt like I had tried everything. Jasper and Emmett were especially humored by it all, since Bella was able to stare down anyone, vampire or human.

In a way, it was almost sweet. Bella looked so innocent, and yet her wit was quick and her words were sharp; she didn't shy away from confrontations. Sometimes she looked like an angry kitten. Sure, her glare sometimes terrified _me_ , but it wasn't as if she could actually do me any harm.

I might've ended up a bit more crazy than intended. I could only hope she didn't notice how she really affected me.

* * *

I growled in frustration as I tore a tree to shreds.

"Edward," Alice said. I ignored her and continued my destructive quest. I could hear her following closely behind.

"Edward," Alice called once more. I finally stopped.

"What!" I growled angrily at her.

"You're angry," she told me. I rolled my eyes at her.

"No kidding. I feel like everything I do is just… just a fucking mistake. I try to make it better and she just hates me! And who the hell is _she_? I LIVE here! This is MY home, not hers!" I was angry with Bella. Angry that my apologies failed to have the impact I wanted them to.

Angry because had Bella been any other girl at school I would've been forgiven instantly.

Most of all I was pissed because I cared. I was beyond angry that it mattered so much. I _wanted_ to be her friend. I _wanted_ her actual forgiveness, not just her words. No, I _craved_ it!

And the worst part was that I was a monster, not fit for human interaction. I would never be her friend, I would never regain her favor. She would always remember me with hatred.

"I _hate_ … THIS!" I yelled out loud and tore through the forest once more. I let myself go and every animal I sped past was brutally murdered and flung through the air. I didn't care for their blood, I just wanted them to die.

* * *

I tried to stay away from Bella. She was making me crazy, in so many different ways.

I always failed to stay away.

* * *

I hated being at home. So many thoughts that were driving me insane. What I wouldn't give to be alone on an island, far away from other's thoughts. It could just be Bella and I and we could talk. She seemed like an interesting character with lots of depth. I wondered what her favorite color was, or band. Was it Debussy? What else did she like? Why did she read so many classical novels? I was from a rather classical era, actually.

I wondered how she'd react if she knew...

* * *

As the school year ended, I finally managed to reach something that resembled normalcy in regards of Bella. I spent a lot of time trying to be _normal_ , and trying not to push Bella in any way and make her blow up.

"And you want me to hire her?" Carlisle stared at me curiously. Whatever Carlisle was thinking about my odd request, he was hiding it well.

"Yes. She's an overachiever. She's a straight A student," I informed my father.

"You don't have to sell her; if you ask I will hire her," Carlisle smiled at me fondly and I felt a little lighter. Summer was just around the corner and this was my chance for ending the year on good terms with Bella. Hopefully, if I gave her time she would be cooled down enough for next year's classes. Perhaps we could be friends, then.

* * *

I hadn't seen Bella since she sprained her ankle just as the vacation had started, She had tried to paint her kitchen and failed.

I kept away from Forks _town_ , but I had a good reason to. I had managed to stay away from Bella and the town for almost a month. It felt like forever, and most of the time I tried to tell myself that I _shouldn't_ go see her, even just to look at her from afar. I was a tough battle.

In a rare unguarded moment, I had seen what Alice had tried to hide. It turned out that Alice had known about Bella for a very long time. The only thing that came as a surprise was the actual meeting: my reaction and the following interactions.

The visions explained why I had trouble ignoring her.

"Edward," Esme's voice reached me, but I ignored her to a few seconds. Then I felt guilty and I slowed my pace. I had run from the house and from Alice's doomed visions.

"Mom," I replied weakly. Esme was by my side in an instant, hugging me.

"Alice told us…" Esme whispered quietly. Of course, Alice had told them. Alice had apparently guarded that secret for decades, but now it was out. Out in the world and mocking me.

"You're in love with her." Esme stated.

"No," I denied, though it was a lie. I wasn't sure when I had fallen in love with Bella, but I knew that I _was_ in love with her now. "Yes," I relented.

"I'm glad," Esme gently kissed my cheek and held me close as we slid to the forest floor.

"That I am in love with a **human** girl who doesn't return my feelings?" I wondered sarcastically. "Not only does she not return my feelings, but she hates my very existence," I added sourly. Oh the irony!

"No… you're in love with your _mate_ … She will come around, but you need to give her time," Esme told me.

"Time? Time?" I reiterated hysterically. "I've spent months, _months!_ I've tried everything. I've tried to ignore her, I've tried not to ignore her, I've tried to be kind, I've tried to be what she asked of me… Nothing I've ever done has made any form of impacts…" I sighed.

"And what's the point? She… She's human. I'm a vampire. She deserves better. She deserves to have children and grow old with her husband," I whispered painfully.

"Stop it, Edward…" Esme demanded. "Edward, she's your mate. Any other man will never come close to what she can have with you."

"I can't…" I replied despondently.

"I don't want to see you unhappy for the rest of our existence," Esme whispered quietly. The pain in her voice was obvious. "You can't run from your mate…"

Silence for a few seconds and then possible thoughts gathered in Esme's mind.

"No," I whispered in shock. "She'll hate me even more!"

"Edward, this isn't just _your_ life," Esme replied. "Your father and I, and your siblings, watch you in pain. You're asking us to ignore your pain forever. And what about Bella? Doesn't _she_ get a say?"

"What do you think she'll say, mom?" I wondered almost angrily. _"Hey Bella, I'm a vampire and you're my mate. Want to go to the movies with me? Also, you're my singer and it's possible I'll eat you…"_ ¨

"No, ease into it," Esme suggested kindly.

"She. Hates. Me…" I responded annoyed.

"Hmm… I guess this is was Alice meant," Esme said thoughtfully. In her mind, I saw a conversation with Alice, "Alice told me that when you're done _behaving like a child_ you should visit Bella. Be at her window at midnight, 23:51 to be precise," Esme kissed my cheek quickly, and then she sprinted away. I stared after her, wondering what scheme Alice had concocted now.

Of course, I was by Bella's window at that exact time. I sat outside her window, listening to her unrestful sleep. I had stayed away from her for so long, but sitting her, close to her, felt right. I felt like I could breathe more easily.

I wondered what was going to happen, and I felt tense at waiting. I hadn't visited Bella's house many times, as I really did try not to go full blown stalker.

There was a slight muttering and I realized Bella was a sleep talker. I laughed quietly to myself and how ridiculous I felt.

Then I heard it. It was faint, but unmistakable. _"Edward, please don't leave me_." Bella's was quiet, begging. I was against her window in less than a second, not even realizing what I had done. I stared through the window at Bella. Her rest seemed unfit and the sheets were tangled.

I felt goosebumps run over my skin, and I stared, as Bella turned uncomfortable in her bed.

" _Edward, where are you?"_ Her voice was still quiet, but clear. She wanted me to stay. I felt lightheaded and I slipped from her window and onto the ground, as I felt unsteady. I felt as if my whole body was about to burst from happiness.

Was this this was Esme had meant? _You can't run from your mate_. Was Bella doomed from the day she met me? Was there no choice?

I stayed long after Bella stopped talking, but until then every little thing she said had been pure bliss. She had spoken my name often, and each time it sounded as if she was searching for me. I hadn't seen her in over a month, as it was the summer and I had deliberately stayed out of town. Was this the consequences of not seeing your mate for such a long time? In her dreams she searched for me and begged me to come back

As the first rays of light burst through the horizon, I took it as my cue to leave.

I didn't go home immediately, as I needed to think. More than anything, I wanted to believe Alice, and even Bella. Why had she called my name? Did she feel the bond? Was her subconscious crying out to me?

I had never been so scared in my life. I thought leaving for good would be the wise choice, but it was too late, at least for me. I had tried leaving, and I couldn't stay away. Every inch of my body screamed for Bella. I tried talking myself into leaving, but I couldn't.

All the feelings, the craving and the needs I'd had regarding Bella made sense. It was painful to realize that her conscious mind didn't share the same vision as her subconscious.

"It's going to work out perfectly," Alice's voice broke through my train of thought. I hadn't even heard her approach.

"Alice," I replied calmly.

"I can't' see well. I can only see snippets when it comes to Bella, but I'm optimistic," Alice grinned at me. "And you've already decided."

I realized that I _had_ decided. Somehow, I _would_ gain Bella's affection, and one day I _would_ tell her the truth, so that she could make the choice. It would always be her choice. I would be beyond lucky if she even considered it.

"We need to discuss how to approach this best," Alice was grinning madly now and I laughed lightly as we headed back home. I would need all the help I could get in figuring out how to go about this.

I felt utterly elated at the thought. I was in love with Bella, and a part of her, even though it was subconscious, wanted me, too!

* * *

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 **Any ideas for a new name for the story?**


	6. Who's crazy now?

**Chapter 6**

* * *

 **Len Stormcrow** **asked for more Cullen POVs: I won't do that as I feel it breaks the flow of the story. At least, not now. It might come in at the very end of the story.**

 **REGARDING Angela Weber: Maxi Brux asked about her. YES, Angela is very kind, but she also came across as a little shy in the books. I don't think Angela would go out and defend a stranger, knowing that it would make her life in school difficult. I don't think that she would talk behind Bella's back. She would stay neutral.**

* * *

 _RECAP:_

 _It's the summer holidays and Bella got a job at the hospital. Her relationship with Edward is strained, though nearing neutral ground (in such a way where she doesn't feel like glaring whenever she sees him)._

 _However, often she dreams of him, which makes her very confused, as the dreams are always filled with longing. It makes her feel things she doesn't understand, since in her conscious mind she finds Edward annoying._

* * *

My first day as receptionist and Carlisle's assistant was very uneventful, though I wasn't sure _why_ I would've expected anything spectacular to happen, since it _was_ Forks. There were hardly no visitors, and Carlisle asked me to look into some topics he found interesting, using a meta-database, to ensure that the proper trials were taken into account. It was a learning experience as I hadn't, until now, understood how clinical trials were conducted.

"Ready for lunch, Bella?" Carlisle arrived at my desk in the reception area. I nodded and was relieved by the only other receptionist, who would man the phone in my absence.

"Yeah, sure," I said and rose. I felt slightly awkward at eating lunch with Carlisle. "I know you're busy, so you don't need to worry about me normally, regarding lunch," I told Carlisle as we walked to the small cafeteria.

"Oh nonsense," Carlisle smiled at me brilliantly, and I felt myself flush a little in embarrassment at his kindness, but also the obligation.

Strangely, eating lunch with Carlisle turned out to be less awkward than I had imagined.

It was still _super_ awkward, but it was obvious Carlisle did his best to make me feel calm. In return I tried to be more open, in hopes of dispelling the awkwardness.

As I returned to my seat, I still felt there had been plenty of awkwardness, but I didn't mind terribly, as Carlisle _was_ interesting and he _did_ seem very nice. I wondered about Esme, as he had briefly mentioned her. She was the only Cullen I hadn't met. I was sure she had to be pretty special from the way he spoke of her. He spoke of her with such reverence. It was very inspiring.

I spent the rest of the day alternating between reading and considering Edward. I was going to see a lot of Carlisle now; would it be out of place to ask him about his strange son? Would that be crossing a line?

It was difficult to tell.

A part of me really wanted to find out what was up with Edward. A wiser part of me told me to drop it, since it seemed like an unhealthy obsession. Still, I couldn't help but notice Carlisle and how similar he and Edward was, despite having no blood relation to each other. In fact, Edward's other siblings were very similar to Edward and Carlisle, as well.

Much of my week worked in similar fashion, and Carlisle seemed impressed of how organized I was and how well I had found the information he needed. It made me feel somewhat awkward at the praise, but I was pleased as well. I hardly ever helped Charlie, except with cooking, and Renee was far too flighty to remember to thank people.

I didn't broach the subject of Edward with Carlisle, as I really did try to mind my own business, and remind myself that the obsession I obviously had with him, was getting out of hand.

* * *

On Thursday I was totally work free, and the weather was lovely for a change, so I decided to go outside.

After having tried to read a book, but failing, as all the main male protagonists were called something similar to Edward, I gave up and went for a stroll.

Behind our house lay the entrance to the forest, and I slipped inside. I'd never been the hiking type, but since I was bored out of my skull I easily persuaded myself to go for a walk.

I didn't walk far, I wasn't _that_ confident in my abilities to stay unscathed, but far enough to reach a very small clearing, where I decided to rest. The sun shone through just enough to reach me and I laid out a quilt I had brought and opened my extracurricular assignments.

Without realizing it I fell asleep.

I awoke startled by some noise, though I couldn't tell what it was. For a second I felt like someone was watching me, but, as lucidity came back to me I started to calm. It was getting late - I had to have slept for a few hours. I hoped it wouldn't affect how I slept in the night.

I quickly found my way back, and was surprised to see that Charlie had invited Billy and Jacob Black over.

"Bella, where were you?" Charlie greeted, noticing my blanket and my schoolbag.

"I went hiking," I joked, though I'd hardly left our backyard. Charlie's eyebrow shot up, but before he could comment we were interrupted by Billy.

"Bella, careful of the woods. Lots of dangers hide in the woods," Billy greeted me ominously. From what I knew, bears were a rare commodity around the Forks town, so the warning was weird.

"Hello Billy, Jacob," I greeted both, giving a single nod to Billy in recognition of his warning, because what else could I do? "How are you? I wish Charlie had told me you'd visit. I haven't bought enough food," I admitted. "But I'll be right back." I reached for my coat.

"No, no, Bells. You smother me too much," Charlie said affectionately. "Relax for today. We'll buy pizza." I rolled my eyes good-naturedly at Charlie, knowing that he absolutely didn't mind eating pizza. He grinned easily in reply.

"So, enjoying your holiday?" Jacob wondered interestedly as we all settled into the living room.

"Yeah," I said enthusiastically.

"When you're not falling down ladders," Billy grinned at me and I flushed, remembering that Charlie had been visiting Billy when I called about my ankle.

"Well, when I'm not falling down ladders," I laughed lightly in agreement.

"Bella got a job at the hospital," Charlie announced proudly. I could feel myself blushing at the obvious pride.

"All you ever talk about," Billy rolled his eyes to me and I giggled.

"Of course, I have a smart kid," Charlie joked and Jacob protested loudly.

"I have a smart kid, too," Billy teased easily and Jacob rolled his eyes.

"What are you up to?" I wondered curiously. I had no idea what people did at the Rez, and I rarely ever saw them in town.

"I'm building my own car," Jacob informed me proudly. That seemed like a pretty big thing.

"That's pretty cool," I acknowledged. I had never been handy, but I admired those who were. I liked the idea of just fixing things myself, to be self-reliant. Unfortunately, I was likely to hurt myself.

"No driving it until you're old enough," Charlie warned with a twinkle in his eyes, and Jacob agreed, though I doubted he'd follow the rules.

"So, Bella. Planning on becoming a doctor?" Billy wondered.

"I'd like to keep my options open, and I needed something for when I apply for college. A classmate's dad works at the hospital and he got me the job," I informed him with a shrug.

"Who's dad?" Billy wondered. To me, he sounded almost suspicious.

"Edward Cullen. We share biology. His father is Carlisle Cullen," I explained, curious at the obvious recognition in Billy's eyes.

"Don't you go starting anything," Charlie warned Billy with a stern voice, which surprised me. I wondered what that was about. There was a story that I didn't know about.

"You knew?" Billy wondered annoyed, looking at my father with accusation. I was more intrigued now.

"Of course I knew. And I also know the prejudice you feel. I'm not blind, I know you hate them, for some reason. But that family has never given me any kind of grief, which is more than I can say for some of the kids at the Rez," Charlie defended. His tirade astounded me as I'd never heard him speak so passionately before. And about the Cullens, even. How about that.

"They're a whole different kind of trouble," Billy looked towards me. "You should stay away from them, Bella." As Charlie moved to protect me from Billy's words I decided to go to my room, hoping to avoid what seemed like an old couple's fight.

I invited Jacob along, realizing it was hardly fair for him to stay and watch two old men bickering.

"What was that about?" I wondered as we entered my room. Jacob looked around for a brief second to acquaint himself and then plopped down on my bed. I took the chair.

"My dad… kinda hates them. The Cullens," Jacob shrugged. I frowned confused. I agreed they were odd, but Billy seemed to really hate them with a vengeance.

"Why?" I asked confused. Jacob looked uncertain.

"It's a tribe secret," Jacob admitted uncomfortably.

"Seriously? But the Cullens just moved here, almost. What on earth did they do to piss you off?" I laughed lightly, but I was very curious as well. I tried to hard not to be, but I failed. I _wanted_ to know. I had my own reasons, after all. Had Edward pissed off Billy, too? The thought was hilarious, for some reason.

"Let's just say that they're not what they say they are," Jacob said. I could see he was refusing to say anything else on the matter and I let it drop. We spent the rest of the evening listening to music and small talking. It was actually kinda nice to hang out with Jacob, as he was easy to talk with.

When Billy and Jacob left I turned on my computer, hoping to find out what Jacob had talked about.

Unfortunately, there was nothing online about La Push legends or tribe secrets, so I had to leave my research for now.

* * *

Jacob must've started something in me, because my dreams of Edward started to become weirder that following week. I started dreaming about him being crazy and psychotic. I found myself trapped in the hospital, where I wandered deserted and bloody hallways, looking for Carlisle and Edward, though I never found them. Edward's voice reverberated throughout the hospital as he called for me. It was pretty freaky.

The nightmares died down at the end of the week, luckily, but they were unfortunately replaced by dreams that resembled those I had had of Edward in the beginning. I would go to school, but Edward would've left. I would go to his house, though I had no idea where it was, and it would be deserted, as well.

I would wander the streets of Forks, calling for him, and people would stare at me strangely, wondering what went on in my head.

And sometimes Dream-Edward had never left, but stayed by my side, whispering sweet words to me, telling me loved me. Sometimes he would kiss me and we would run around and have fun together.

I wasn't entirely sure if I preferred the nightmares over the romantic dreams, as the romantic dreams made me quite confused. Sometimes I would wake up with sweaty palms and a pounding heart, just as if I had really had a pretty crazy make-out session.

And therein lay the biggest issue. The more time passed, the longer time went without seeing Edward, and it was driving me nuts, and my dreams were reflecting it.

I tried to tell myself that I hated him, and that he was stupid, but my dreams forced me to focus on his lovely eyes (which were golden and perfect) and his crooked smile, and the way he tousled his hair.

Frankly, it was pissing me off. For some reason I had started to fall in love with Dream-Edward, and I was projecting his characteristics onto Real-Edward. It was enough to drive anyone insane, especially since I had never actually been in love before. I was sure, however, that this was the wrong way to do it.

* * *

I worked at the library in Port Angeles rarely, since the hours were fewer in the holidays. On such a day that I worked there, I heard the door open and automatically looked up, and my breath got caught in my throat.

There, in all his glory, stood Edward. I hadn't seen him in over a month. His eyes sought out mine and he smiled that crooked smile I recognized from my dreams, though my dreams didn't do him justice.

I stiffed, and then I ran out back in utter panic. I sat in the employee room for a few minutes, trying hard not to hyperventilate.

 _It's_ just _Edward, not my dream Edward,_ I told myself mentally, trying to keep calm. This guy was a douche, I reminded myself. Sure I had forgiven him, verbally anyway. And sure he was kind to me, and had gotten a me job, but he was still an idiot, right?

My palms felt sweaty and my hands were trembling. I sat a few minutes more before I managed to gather myself.

 _Alright, Bella. Keep your cool!_ I told myself. I wasn't going to fawn over Edward. I wasn't going to turn into Jessica and Lauren, and I most certainly knew how to separate dream from reality. So what if Edward was kind to me? Was it truly the end of the world if we were civil towards each other?

I sighed; I knew the problem was my dreams, and I knew if the Real Edward ever realized, I'd be humiliated anew.

 _I've gotten better at acting. Now's the time to really show it. Be an adult about it; be polite, be calm, be collected. Chill. You're an ocean of calm! Stop. Running. Away_!

I marched out again and found Edward perusing some books. He saw me and his eyes lit up. My heart skipped a beat, but I violently ignored it. Edward came over to me and I prepared myself to be calm and collected. I was an ocean of calm, I told myself.

Funny, I used to try to stay calm as to not hit him, but not I felt like I was on the brink of throwing myself at him.

"Hey Bella," Edward greeted me with a huge smile. I noticed that his eyes were golden, almost more golden than normally. The bags under his eyes he and his siblings sometimes sported were gone, and he looked like he had slept well. The summer holidays had done him well, obviously.

"Yo, Edward," I responded and he raised an eyebrow. Okay, that sounded a bit different than _me_. I considered re-formulating my greeting, but in protest decided that he didn't know me, and I could say whatever I liked.

 _Yes_ , I told myself, be cool. _He doesn't know me; I can act however I want. As long as I'm mature about it._

I tried to observe him with Billy's eyes, but despite Edward's somewhat mixed behavior, I didn't see anything dangerous, and Carlisle was just a downright saint.

"Having fun?" He asked interestedly, obvious feeling that there was room to be social. True, the last few meetings we'd shared were very non-antagonistic.

"Yeah, it's work, but it's nice. Plenty of time to work on other things in between," I told him truthfully. His smile widened and I tried not to stare at his overly white teeth. Was he bleaching them? I considered asking him about his vacation, but realized it would prolong our interaction, and I wasn't entirely sure if I was up for that.

"Sounds nice," he responded. Awkwardness arose, but unlike with Carlisle this awkwardness I didn't mind, as it meant more distance between Edward and I. God, I felt like such a mess. Who has multiple-personality-disorder now? ME!

"So, I've been thinking…" Edward admitted, prolonging his thoughts. His phone beeped, and he glanced at it for a second. Whatever he saw clearly made him annoyed.

"What?" I questioned when he stopped speaking. His eyes met mine and I swear his pupils dilated and his eyes changed color. I was right in front of him and could clearly see it, and they went from golden to a somewhat deeper golden. I saw how his pupils dilated. I stared at his eyes more intensely, trying to catch the strange changes in them. Did eyes normally act like this? Did _my_ eyes change color? I had never heard of such a thing.

I suddenly realized that we'd leaned towards each other ever so slightly and I pulled back, breaking the contact. Edward looked disturbingly confused.

"What?" He asked confused. I stared at him.

"Yes, you were saying?" I prompted him. I felt just a tiny bit lightheaded, but I regained my senses well enough. I mentally calmed myself.

"Yeah, so I know we've been kinda… weird… and it's all my fault. And I spent some time considering things, and I would really like to be friends, if you don't mind it, of course. It's not to make up for anything, just…" Edward rambled on and I stared at him.

Edward had been an idiot, but that was months ago. He'd obviously considered my accusation about him bugging me because he felt bad, and he _had_ stopped annoying me. He even got me a job. Perhaps being friendlier with him wasn't so bad?

Something in the back of my mind was nagging me. We'd had a conversation before, hadn't we? Did he say something?

"So… what about the part where you're not a good friend?" I wondered, recalling a conversation after class, where he had literally said that I would be better off without him in my life.

"I'll try to be one," he said. "But I can't be certain. It's a chance," he admitted with a shrug. I frowned; it sounded like he hadn't actually considered anything. Or whatever he'd considered wasn't what he should've considered. I sighed.

"I have no idea what that means," I confessed. I tapped my foot lightly, trying to dispel the sudden annoyance inside of me. He was ruining our streak and my dreams of him evaporated, leaving me more in control of myself.

"I know and I'm sorry," Edward replied truthfully. "But I've decided to let the chips fall as they may." I frowned at his cryptic response.

"Edward, you're selling this pretty poorly. I don't want to be hurt, by anyone, and you're basically saying that it's likely I'll get hurt," I wondered.

"I'll try not to hurt you," Edward promised uncomfortably and shuffled around. I was starting to wonder what we were talking about.

"Edward…"I sighed. "You're a car-dealer and you're trying to sell me a car, except that you're telling me it might blow up any second. Why would I buy from you?"

"You shouldn't. You really shouldn't," Edward told me seriously, "but I can't stay away from you. I've tried to fight it…"

The library was silent and there and the few patrons around seemed blissfully unaware of my interaction with Edward.

It all sounded so serious. "What's wrong with being friends?" I pressed on. I didn't actually want to be friends, since I was still suspicious about him, but I wanted to understand him, which I knew was stupid. I should just let him go.

"I'm not a good person," and Edward the Moody was back. I was about to retort, as he was riling me up which I hadn't been in a long time, but I stopped. Jacob had said something about them, the Cullens, not being who they said they were, and now Edward was telling me he was a bad person.

Perhaps this was all the information I was going to get.

 _How bad can a 17-year-old guy be?_

 _Edward look so innocent_

 _But he's warned me before, and now Jacob and Billy has, too._

 _Whatever it is Carlisle is a part of it, and he's the nicest person I've ever met_

 _But seriously, Edward's 17, it's not exactly as if he's part of the Mafia or anything._

 _But a 17-year-old probably hasn't killed anyone?_

 _Is he on the run?_

 _Surely if they were on the run they wouldn't engage in social situations such as a work and school._

I didn't know how to respond, but Edward was waiting. Carlisle was so kind and helpful; I couldn't imagine him being evil. And I couldn't imagine Edward being evil, either. He was 17.

Would that mean Alice was evil too? The small, pixie-like girl? Sure, she was annoying as hell, and she creeped me out, but evil?

As I considered the family I realized something I had totally missed before. Something that seemed now, in hindsight, so glaringly obvious.

They weren't blood-related, and yet they all looked the same, which I _had_ noticed. But each of them had a gaze that could freeze you on the spot, and each of them were capable of parting humans like the red sea. Despite their looks Jessica and Lauren always admired them from afar, never daring to step closer. No one seemed to dare step close to them. I had even seen the principal move aside for Alice. Who did that?

I came up blank. I only knew that I had to trust Edward, since he had all the pieces of the puzzle.

"Edward, I trust you," I finally said, shocking him, so I hurried to elaborate. "About you not being a good person. There's obviously something you're not telling me, and until I know I can't make an informed decision. If you say you're bad, I have to trust you on that. And so, despite your offer to be friends I just can't risk Charlie or myself for something I have no idea what is."

Wow, it all sounded so serious and dangerous, but when the words were spoken I found they resonated with me 100%. Edward was _not_ who he said he was, and I wasn't going to risk anything for that. More so, I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to be friends with Edward right now. We had too much history, both good and bad mixed together, and my weird dreams were not making it any better.

Until I could separate everything I should probably not be friends with someone, who advised me himself not to be friends with him.

Edward looked agonized over my decision, and it surprisingly hurt to watch him like this.

He left without a word, but I could tell he was hurt deeply.

I didn't see him for the rest of the summer, nor did I see anyone else from the Cullen family, except for Carlisle.

My dreams of Edward continued, more vivid than ever and more romantically inclined.

Edward always starred in my dreams, no matter what kind it was. If I were at a carnival he'd be there with me, or were I at work he'd be there, too. What was similar to all the dreams was that he was always there _with_ me, as a boyfriend.

The nightmares, though few and far in between, were just as clear, unfortunately, and it contained me trying to find Edward. I would run through the forest, school or Forks, searching for him and calling his name. I would wake up tired, confused and hurt. I wanted to ask Carlisle how Edward was doing, but I always chickened out. My dreams made me feel obsessed with him.

For some reason, Edward was always in the back of my mind, whatever I did. It was as if I couldn't let him go.

Try as I might, I often wondered if I should've accepted his friends, as his hurt expression haunted me. However, when I was awake and lucid I could admit to myself that I'd made the proper choice. I still felt like such a mess.

* * *

The summer holidays were coming at an end. Despite not having seen Edward since that day, almost two months ago, I felt that his lack of presence had still affected me throughout the vacation. Be it from dreaming of him, or working with Carlisle, who was keeping a polite distance to me, which occurred the same time Edward disappeared, weirdly enough.

I never saw his family in town, and were it not for Carlisle I would've assumed that they had left. Of course, they still could've left, because Carlisle and I never spoke of his family, but always kept our interaction polite and professional. It was driving me borderline insane.

I wanted so much to find out more about what Jacob had talked about, but there was no information, except Quileute legends, which was restricted to La Push and the people living there. I tried to ferret out more information from Jacob, but I could see the subject made him uncomfortable, and since we didn't hang out often it also felt very intruding.

I'd briefly considered getting to know Jacob, just to understand Edward better, but realized how awful that would be, both ethically, but also to my emotional state.

As 12th grade started up, my senior year, I saw the shiny Volvo parked in the school lot, and I suddenly felt very calm. It was odd, since before the vacation seeing his car would make me tense.

I couldn't say why I was so interested in Edward Cullen, or why I constantly dreamt about him. His personality was constantly in flux, and his family seemed just as unbalanced, even Carlisle, despite his kindness, had acted differently since Edward and I had talked last. It couldn't possibly be a coincidence.

I tried to tell myself that Edward had far more non-redeeming qualities than redeeming, so my obsession didn't make sense at all. I had tried to remember how I hated him, but the feelings were gone.

It made no sense.

And it made even less sense that when I spotted him near the entrance of the school, much farther ahead of me, I felt like I wanted to burst with happiness.

* * *

 **Hello, please leave a review to let me know what ya think xD**


	7. Acquaintances

**Chapter 7 - acquaintances**

* * *

 **...**

 _I couldn't say why I was so interested in Edward Cullen, or why I constantly dreamt about him. His personality was constantly in flux, and his family seemed just as unbalanced, even Carlisle, despite his kindness, had acted differently since Edward and I had talked last. It couldn't possibly be a coincidence._

 _I tried to tell myself that Edward had far more non-redeeming qualities than redeeming, so my obsession didn't make sense at all. I had tried to remember how I hated him, but the feelings were gone._

 _It made no sense._

 _And it made even less sense that when I spotted him near the entrance of the school, much farther ahead of me, I felt like I wanted to burst with happiness._

* * *

"Hello Bella," Someone spoke to me, dragging me out of the strange trance I was caught up in, and I found myself with Jasper. He was looking at me amused and I briefly wondered what he found funny.

"Oh, hello," I greeted him as I passed him. My voice sounded far away, and my eyes were zeroing in on Edward's retreating again. When I finally reached the building I felt slightly rude for my vague greeting to Jasper, who, I assumed, had been dropping Alice off at school, and probably Edward. From what I knew, it would only be Alice and Edward attending school this year out of the Cullen household.

As I reached the school, I finally got myself under control.

 _Bella, relax. Be calm. This is just a_ boy _. Stop pining like this_ , I told myself repeatedly. I even tried reminding myself of all the bad things Edward had done, but every argument was countered with Edward's attempt at righting what he did wrong. Not having seen him all summer, almost, had knocked the wind out of my sails. Being cold or distant felt unnatural. Disliking him felt unnatural.

My mental fight was leaving me dizzy. I hadn't missed Edward, I told myself. I might've missed the Edward from my dreams, but real- and dream-Edward were two different people.

I breathed out. Okay, so I _did_ promise myself to separate my feelings, in order to see things more clearly. That would mean I would have to be neutral to Edward, which meant I would be polite. I would need to shift our relationship to neutral. That also meant I would have to stop focusing on the negative things.

 _Give it time_ , I told myself. Once enough time had passed I would perhaps be able to judge whether Edward's behavior was OK or not, without being affected by weird dreams and crazy anger or lust.

Before my first class, I calmed myself, hoping to get my overeager heart under control. It was a good thing, since it turned out Edward was sharing this class with me.

"Hey Bella, did you have a nice vacation?" Edward inquired politely, almost startling me from my reverie. He pushed the chair out next to him and I sat down gingerly, feeling as if I didn't I would move my mental pointer to negative, rather than neutral. I felt awkward. It wasn't a foreign feeling, as I had felt awkward most my life, but it had been a while since I had felt awkward in Forks, since I tended to avoid people, or they tended to avoid me.

It was quite a difference to my first day, where Edward had been utterly tense and disgusted with me. Now, he was relaxed and calm, his eyes brimming with happiness. Seeing him now made me wonder what had happened that first day, and throughout the last school year, what had made him say what he said. How different would it have been if he hadn't said anything?

It felt so long ago, now, and Edward was waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, it was great," I replied, trying to keep it simple and neutral. Inside, I tried to make heads and tails of my emotions, but it was difficult with Edward sitting next to me. I felt like Edward was a magnet, and I couldn't help but shift towards him.

"What did you do? Besides the hospital?" Edward wondered interestedly. How absurd; I knew my life was dull, and I managed to stay vague in my explanation.

"Not much," It was actually the truth. I'd worked most of the time, and when I didn't I did my extracurricular assignments or read books.

Should I ask him about his vacation? It would be polite, but would it be _right_? Sure, I was dying to know, since I had seen so little of him, and as I sat with him now I felt like soaking in everything about him, from his beautiful looks to his curious personality.

Was it really wrong to be more inquiring? Did we really have to stay neutral? I mean, we could be school-friends, right? Schoolmates? No need to be friends outside of school. As schoolmates, one would inquire about holidays and such, right?

My attention was diverted as students began to arrive to class. Two boys entered, talking about their vacation. Tyler and Mike were friends outside of school, too. This town was too small for anyone not to be friends outside of school, except for me… and the Cullens.

Edward was frowning when my train of thoughts finally reached a stop.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward blurted out. I could see he was curious and it made me feel slightly awkward, since quite a few people were shooting us glances. I wondered if Edward even noticed the stares. Mentally I shrunk.

Edward's fascination was misplaced, as I was no more interesting than anyone else in this class was. I wondered what would happen when he realized this fact. I felt a strange, clenching feeling in my stomach at that thought, but buried it. I didn't need him or his friendship, after all.

"Just stuff," I responded lamely. How could I explain about my philosophical mental discussion as to how to go about a bully? Edward _had_ been a bully to me, and now I felt like I just had to forget it. Sure he'd apologized, but the impact had been devastating. More so, I actually _wanted_ to forgive him, which, on some level, made me feel weak.

"I think I'm making you uncomfortable," Edward surmised. Was it that obvious?

Instead of lying, I said, "A bit…" It was easy being honest with Edward, but then again, I had been honest every time I had told him to piss off, so why would now be any different?

Edward seemed to hesitate, and then he turned his body towards me. "Hi, I'm Edward Cullen, you must be Isabella Swan," Edward extended a long, white hand towards me, and I stared at him in surprise.

"Um…" I replied, uncertain. Of course, I knew what he was doing, and I appreciated his attempt to start fresh. I wanted to start fresh, too, so I gingerly took his hand.

His hand was cold, ice cold, but then again, we'd just come from outside, and even summers in Forks were cold. However, the coldness wasn't what I found most surprising, it was the current that ran between our hands as we connected. It felt like static electricity, but more lasting and far more pleasant.

"Please, call me Bella, Edward," I said, noting how Edward was staring at our joined hands. Did he feel it too?

Mrs. Geoff entered the class and explained in fluent Spanish that our assignment was to talk about our holiday in Spanish, and Edward turned to me again with a crooked smile. I smiled calmly at him, trying to keep calm. Surely he must know what an effect his smile and his eyes had on the girls at school, and on me. It was an annoying thought, because I'd rather like to separate myself from the rest of the girls. Not to get Edward's attention, but because I found them utterly horrible.

Not knowing about my inner turmoil, Edward said, in perfect Spanish, "I can go first." I nodded numbly and for the rest of the class Edward spoke in perfect, but basic, Spanish about his vacation.

From what I gathered, he'd been to Denali, which was north of Anchorage in Alaska, for most of the holidays. He spoke of his family, about his adopted siblings, Rosalie and Emmett, who had married and gone on a honeymoon. He spoke about his cousins and their way of life, and even showed me a handmade Alaskan bracelet they'd made for him.

It was gorgeous and his entire story made me feel really calm. I felt like I'd needed to understand Edward better, and now he was freely providing the intel.

Surprisingly, Edward's simple life seemed utterly fascinating, even the simple things were somehow interesting. After his explanation of his vacation, he talked about his plans for college and his wishes for the future. Never once did we speak about my holiday, which I was really glad for, though I did speak Spanish whenever I wanted him to elaborate on a topic.

Despite his attempt to start fresh I, of course, still couldn't ignore the past. Was this another olive-branch or was I reading too much into it? Either way, Edward didn't push me for information about my vacation, for which I was glad.

I tried to remember our last conversation, again, about him being a bad friend and that I should stay away, but it felt hazy. All I remembered was the he _wanted_ to be friends, and then, for some weird reason, he wasn't sure if he did. Now he _did_ and that's what counted, right?

As the class ended, I felt I had utterly failed my original objective at staying neutral. After his 'fresh start' I wanted more of Edward. I wanted to be his friend and I wanted to be near him. I had _missed_ him! I tried to tell myself that my dreams had made me confused, but seriously, how far out would I be for my dreams to influence me at such a level? Edward was acting _nice_ , now. It wasn't like he was a total bitch and I was ignoring it. If he reverted to his old self, I would stop talking to him. Until then I suppose we _could_ be friends.

I ignored the nagging feeling I had in back of my mind, reminding me that I had overlooked something.

"So, which class do you have now?"

"Um… Biology advanced," I quickly skimmed my schedule.

"Oh, me too," Edward said, pulling out his schedule. I glanced at it in surprise.

"Oh, we have all our classes together, almost," I noticed. My heart skipped a beat and I ignored it. Calm as an ocean.

"Oh yeah," Edward mused calmly, looking towards my schedule. He shrugged easily. "Are you asking for extracurricular assignments this year as well?" Edward wondered curiously, effectively distracting me from the strange emotions running through me.

"Ehh," I replied. "Yes, I suppose," I said. It wasn't as if I had anything else to do with my time, seeing as I had no friends.

It felt slightly surreal to enter the biology classroom with Edward. There was so much history in this room, and now, here we were, walking side by side. Edward took a different seat, in the opposite end than last year, but he made no indication for me to follow him, and I automatically went to my previous seat, in the far back. Edward flashed me a relaxed grin as I settled down.

"Hey Edward, did you have a nice vacation?" Jessica entered biology. Lord, I seriously hoped Lauren wasn't joining us. Edward nodded politely and busied himself with his book-bag. Jessica shot me a mocking glance and then took a seat near Edward. I noticed that she didn't take the seat right by him. Angela, a shy girl, joined Jessica at her table, uncertain of where else to sit.

"So, Bella, what did _you_ do?" Jessica turned to me, curious. I stared at her incomprehensibly, wondering what her game was. Was this her way of telling me how the rest of the year would be? I saw out of the corner of my eye that Edward stared angrily at Jessica.

"I worked," I replied tightlipped, not entirely sure where this was going.

"I went to California and got a tan," Jessica continued with an almost nasal voice. She opened her mouth to speak, but Edward beat her to it.

"Where in California, Jessica?" Jessica swirled around to face Edward, and I breathed out a sigh in relief. I shared a quick glance with Edward and realized that he had done it on purpose. He had actually diverted Jessica's attention from me to him, purposefully.

Should I start the worshipping now? I laughed mentally, but I was more than thankful nonetheless. I pitied Edward as we listened to Jessica's tale. Luckily, it was only for a minute or so, as the class filled up with students and Mr. Banner arrived.

Biology seemed promising, and Mr. Banner told us that he had extra assignments for anyone interested. It was clearly meant for me, and I nodded in acceptance.

"Perhaps I should get some extra credit, too," Edward mused as he joined me at my table after class, once more surprising me.

"Oh," I replied dumb, unable to find out what else to say. I hadn't expected him to join me. "By the way, thanks!" I told him quietly, referring to Jessica. He seemed to understand and nodded happily in reply.

Silence filled the air between us as we went to lunch, and I spaced out, listening to the students surrounding me in the lunch-queue.

I paid for lunch ahead of Edward, since he was behind me, "See ya later," I told Edward.

"Can I join you?" Edward paid the lunch-lady with apparently the precise amount of cash, and quickly slid over to my side, waiting for my reply.

He seemed to be giving me a choice, and I fumbled for an answer, worried about awkward silences… "It's Ok, I have things to read. And your sister shouldn't sit alone," I told Edward feebly. Was he oblivious to the awkwardness? Was it just _me_?

"Why would I sit alone?" Alice interrupted us. She looked almost hurt. "Don't leave me alone, I can't stand to be alone right now," Alice whimpered. For a brief second I felt horrified. Something terrible must've befallen her as she sounded so distraught.

"Are you okay?" I whispered. My eyes were wide and worried.

"No!" Alice continued with a whimper. "I've had the most awful day today," she explained sadly. Had someone hurt her or said something cruel to her? I tried to recall Jasper when I saw him this morning, but he had seemed in a good mood, so they probably hadn't broken up.

"What happened?" I wondered worried. My eyes scanned the lunchroom as students began to settle. I found Lauren, the Queen Bitch of the Hive, but she was talking animatedly to Tyler, not making any weird scene or acting like a bitch. Lauren, if she had been a bitch, tended to brag, and if she had hurt Alice, she would definitely brag. I scanned the rest of the lunchroom for any sign of people who might be acting a little too superior. I even looked at Jessica, but she was listening to Lauren's tale.

"I had _English_ this morning!" Alice whined sadly and I stopped my tracks, mentally, as we still hadn't moved from our current, standing position.

"Alice!" Edward admonished, "You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Edward told her severely, "I thought something bad had happened to you!"

What about me? I was already far ahead scanning the vicinity for any threats Alice could have encountered. Teenagers were vicious bastards.

"English?" I repeated, uncertain. I tried to fill out a gap of information I was obviously missing, but I couldn't figure out what had happened.

"Yes! We're reading 'The Classics' this semester," Alice lamented. "We're reading… _Romeo and Juliet_!"

I knew that Alice was entitled to her opinion regarding Romeo and Juliet, but the distaste she spoke with held so much volume, that I almost growled at her.

"Alice, you made it sound like something had _happened_ to you, but all that happened was that you were assigned a _book_ you don't like?" I almost demanded and shared a brief incredulous look with Edward.

"Bella, have you _read_ Romeo and Juliet?" Alice wondered almost snidely.

"Yes, _Alice_ , I have! And while I agree that liking a book is subjective, acting like someone has killed your puppy is not exactly a mature response," I retorted, feeling slightly on the edge from her reaction.

"Alice really does hate that book," Edward laughed lightly and I turned to him.

"Still, I thought she was hurt, and you did too," I reminded him. "Besides, what is so bad about Romeo and Juliet?" Our feet got moving.

" _Please_ don't tell me you like it. It's just so vain!" Alice bemoaned. I felt riled up now. Romeo and Juliet had a special place in my heart. Unthinkingly I sat down at their table, ready to fight for my view.

"Romeo and Juliet is one the biggest love story ever written," I told her.

Snorting, Alice said, "Oh please, even within that era are there many other books worthy of that title," Alice replied easily.

"Romeo and Juliet are so much more than _just_ a story. I love classical literature, but none of them come even close to Romeo and Juliet… And it's not vain… "I struggled for words, "it's deep…"

"I thought Romeo left Rosalin for Juliet - someone he'd just met. It seems like a fickle love, and then they get themselves killed for a crush," Edward wondered curiously. I stared at him aghast. They'd totally missed the point!

"But don't you see? The moment he meets Juliet is the moment nothing else matters. It's a story about that moment where you meet someone, and then they're… _it_. Nothing else matters, all is about them. Even their love transcends death," I explained passionately. Edward and Alice shared an amused glance.

"Really?" Alice replied, though still doubtful, "What about the general attitude regarding it? Most people think it's vain, so isn't it likely that it _is_ vain?"

"Most people are idiots," I replied flatly. _What a stunning comeback,_ I thought to myself.

"You think this was what Shakespeare intended to write and convey?" Edward asked curious.

"I do." I paused. "When Romeo met Juliet Rosaline was thrown out of the picture. Nothing else mattered. Their love transcended logic. Their love transcended death, and so it never mattered if they died, because they would be together nevertheless. Nothing could stand in their way." I explained truthfully. I was a pretty practical person, but despite that, Romeo and Juliet were role-models when it came to love. Sure, I wasn't about to pop my brains for some guy, but the fact that a bond between two people could be so strong was simply inspiring.

"Of course, the way it all happened was unfortunate and childish, no doubt about that," I conceded. "But I really like the idea about that one person, whom you meet, and then… Well, once you've met them it's too late. No one else will ever matter," I explained, putting words to my feelings.

Both Alice and Edward stared at me, and both wore a weird smile.

"I agree," Edward announced, making my heart skip a beat.

"They, the people, just feel so… restricted," Alice said, clearly unconvinced.

"But that's what's interesting. The social norms versus the personal interests and interactions. Besides, it's similar in today's society. We don't exactly act logically either," I defended.

From then on conversation flowed easily, and there was no awkwardness at all. It almost felt like all of the discomfort from the earlier semester forgotten. At least, I felt less constricted by them. They didn't pressure me, or force themselves upon me. Sure, I shared most of my classes with Edward, and I even shared a class with Alice, but that was hardly their fault.

Edward and I shared English after lunch, and we continued our conversation about books. This time I took a seat next to Edward, which seemed natural since we were talking, and hadn't stopped since lunch.

Mr. Masen didn't mind Edward's and my discussion, and as he handed out this month's book he asked us to pair up, so that we could spar with each other in regards to the plot and the meaning of the books. It came natural, since Edward and I had started it, that we would continue.

Returning home felt strangely normal, and I settled into my usual routine of making food for Charlie, since this was my day off, and reading ahead.

Charlie got home from work to me whistling quietly to myself as I did homework. He remarked on it, and I realized what a different day that today had been.

For the first time since arriving in Forks, I had enjoyed myself at school.

I was excited about tomorrow, and did my best to ignore that nagging voice in the back of my mind that reminded me of the words of both Edward and Billy.

* * *

 **Let me know what you think :)**


	8. Decisions

**Hello everyone! Thanks for your awesome reviews, they totally make my day.**

 **I've been so worried that I haven't managed to get their personalities or certain events across - I feel like I stare myself blind on the chapters, hehe.  
I can see, however, from your reviews that I have managed, so that's awesome.**

 **Without further disruption...**

* * *

 **Chapter 8 - Decisions**

Surprisingly, as the week passed Edward, Alice and I became better friends. The discussion on our first day at lunch had removed much of the tension between us, and conversation had flowed easily since then. Alice and I shared gym as the only class we had together, which turned out to be utterly perfect, as Alice could apparently be incredibly intimidating.

"Urgh, _Swan!_ " Lauren passed me from the shower and wrinkled her nose as she passed me. Her tone seemed disgusted. We'd just finished gym class and we were in the girl's locker room, getting ready for next class. "Perhaps you should shower, again, since you _reek!_ "

Lauren's posse, Jessica, Julie and Susan sniggered, and Angela, a quiet girl, looked away discomforted. I stayed calm. Lauren couldn't intimidate me, far from it, and I was pretty sure she was just trying to remind me of my _place_ in the feeding-chain, especially since she had seen Edward speaking to me. I assumed it must've sparked her jealousy.

"Really?" Alice's lithe voice wondered obliviously and she inhaled deeply just next to me, "I think Bella smells rather floral," Alice said innocently. I almost wondered if she had missed the entire debacle last year; missed Lauren's need to put me down, as Alice's voice and demeanor seemed entirely oblivious to the bullying. "Edward thinks you smell floral, too," Alice added innocently and went back to her things. Only then did I know that Alice knew what went on, because it was clearly meant to get a rise out of Lauren.

Lauren stared back, clearly getting angry at the mention of Edward, even though it had obviously been to taunt her. I could see she deliberated between saying something, and keeping quiet. She must've known that she would have to get along with Alice, in order to even have a shot with Edward. Her friends stood on the side-line, watching in anticipation. I tried to keep calm, simply because I knew that she was more pissed off when she got no reaction.

Her deliberation was short, clearly realizing she didn't have a chance with Edward anyway.

"Bella's not the only one that reeks," Lauren laughed, much to her friend's delight, who giggled along with her.

"Yes, your personality does as well," I commented calmly while I readied myself. I spared Lauren a cold, mocking glance, trying my best to imitate Rosalie's death stare. Lauren glared back angrily. Her cheeks were flushed. "It's really quite repugnant," I added quietly and my eyes slid to Alice, "ready, Alice?"

"The stench _is_ getting a bit too much," Alice laughed lightly, but I saw her eyes zero in on Lauren, who took a step back almost involuntarily. For a moment I felt cold, worried almost. For just a moment Alice's eyes had looked black. It was a look I had recognized from Edward when I had first arrived in Forks.

Lauren was left uncertain of what to say. "Well, fuck you," she hissed angrily as Alice and I strode out. I couldn't help but snort at the undignified comeback, but Alice laughed loudly, like light bells, though there was a mocking to it, directed towards Lauren.

"Oh that was hilarious, Bella. You totally stumped her," Alice grinned as we neared Edward, who was waiting for us for our next, shared class. We said our quick goodbyes to her, and I followed with Edward to class. I knew, in my mind, that it wasn't I who had stomped Lauren. Turned out that Alice had a death stare of her own; who knew that innocent little Alice could stare like that and be so intimidating? I tried to suppress a shudder.

"Cold?" Edward wondered when we reached class.

"Just a bit, it'll pass," I said and sat down, trying my best to ignore that nagging feeling.

All other classes, besides gym, were shared with Edward, who seemed to be emotionally stable and kind towards me. I didn't want to spoil our pleasant interactions, so I did my best not to overthink things, and just have fun at school, for once. This also meant that I often found myself blatantly ignoring certain aspects of our previous interaction. I knew there would be a day I would have face the music, but I decided that I would like to enjoy my time here just for a little while before reality came knocking.

We rarely spoke about me, but I preferred it that way, and they seemed to respect it. I learned a lot in the first week about both Alice and Edward. I learned that Alice loved to shop, and I was really beyond pleased when she didn't include me in her plans. I swear, for a moment I was certain she would call a girl's night, but Edward sent her a look.

Again, it showed how well Edward knew his sister to be able to predict her attitude.

"I _love_ to shop!" Alice informed me eagerly. "Karl Lagerfeld once said 'Fashion is a language that creates itself in clothes to interpret reality.' I truly think this is true. Your clothes can give a statement of who you are, and what your ideas, dreams, and wishes are..."

I stared at Alice incomprehensively. "I- I never considered that..."

"It's subtle," Alice educated me, though kindly. "A person's personality is shown through their clothes. Some like to stand out as goths, punks and such, and some like to stand out as classy, trashy, sporty or, like you, practical," Alice explained. "The tiniest accessory can change a person's clothes..."

"You can see I'm practical from my clothes?" I wondered curiously.

"Please, Bella. You wear comfy-clothes most of the time. Your shoes are sneakers. You don't wear make-up or wear clothes that resemble that of the other girls at school, which tells me that you're independent and practical. I bet you'd even wear sneakers to a party. You don't care enough about others opinion to try to fit in..."

"That's likely true," I agreed, somewhat seeing her point. There seemed to be much more to the issue, but I could tell Alice knew her lavish and vast knowledge would be wasted on me.

I guess her clothes matched, color-wise. She liked colors, and her personality _was_ bubbly and exuberant, which I supposed matched with her clothes.

I also learned that, while Alice adored fashion, she was in no way like Jessica and Lauren, who adored _wearing_ fashionable clothes, but had no real knowledge other than the brand. Alice seemed to understand fashion, and she would never wear a brand, just for the brand.

Almost in the same breath Alice informed me that she loved economy and to trade stocks.

This surprised me more than anything, but somehow it made Alice seem far more rounded as a personality. I _liked_ that Alice had other interests than _just_ fashion, though it was clear fashion seemed her priority.

"Are you planning on becoming a designer?" I wondered curiously. Alice made an uncomfortable face.

"Well, I don't know," she said uncertain. A sudden sixth sense told me that Alice didn't seem to like the idea of actually working with fashion. I wondered why that was; what was holding her back?

"I think you should," I simply stated. I would've dropped the conversation the second I noticed her reluctance, but I couldn't help but prod a little in order to see her reaction.

"Perhaps," Alice replied with a grin. It seemed a little fake, or perhaps I was reading too much into it. I didn't want to push the subject any more than I had, so I let it go.

Edward, I learned, was a perfectionist. He seemed to have a pretty high standard, and he was very self-critical. I learned that he loved music, and any song I ever mentioned he knew basically by heart, which had turned into a very funny game during a particularly boring History class.

Sometimes I noticed that Alice would space out and Edward would have to pull her out of her reverie. They'd grin at each other, and almost make me jealous for not having a sibling to share inside-jokes with. Mostly I preferred to be alone, but when I saw them together, I envied them for having that one person to always rely on. Or in their case: several, as they had a rather large family. I wondered what their holidays were like.

* * *

My first weekend since school started meant work. The library was up and running at normal hours, which meant I could clock in a few hours of work throughout the week. My work at the hospital had ended the week before school, so now I only had the library.

The sound of a book smacking onto the table startled me from my organization work at the library. I looked up to see Edward grinning and I easily matched his grin. I squashed the butterflies that threatened to escape my stomach.

"I thought I'd better read it again; you know, with the new spectacles on," Edward gestured for the book on the table. It was Romeo and Juliet.

"Great," I scanned it. "You know, not to traumatize you, but you should watch the movies as well, we have them all you know," I bit my lip and tried not to laugh and his pained expression.

"I think this will be tough enough to get through," Edward admitted.

Before I could process my next thought I blurted out, "we could watch the movies together. I have them at home as well," I think I might've looked like a deer caught in the headlight. My own eagerness had gotten the best of me and I flushed uncomfortably, wanting very much to backtrack.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Edward asked casually, as if he didn't notice my sudden panic. I felt relieved and able to backtrack, but as I considered it I realized I didn't necessarily want to backtrack. I had actually enjoyed his company since start of the school, and it had been so long since he had been moody or cruel, after all. I _liked_ this Edward. I had fun with this Edward. All week had been fun at school. He was really insightful about a varied range of things. I was looking forward to go to school, which was a pleasant change.

"Sure, I mean, if you want to. Whatever," I replied off-handedly with a shrug. Great, I sounded like a stupid lovesick girl. It wasn't like that, I told myself. I was sure I only thought of Edward extra much because of how traumatizing our interaction had been. I disliked animosity - normally. I never wanted to be one of his many fan-girls.

"Sure, I'd like that. That would be cool. So yeah," Edward rambled equally eloquent, which made me feel better about myself.

For a few moments we just stared at each other, though I was mentally trying to calm myself. I told myself over and over that I was an ocean of calm. I almost missed when he spoke next.

"Perhaps tomorrow? It's Sunday, unless you're working?" He offered, his words almost too fast for me to understand. I shook myself, trying to be calm and collected.

"Yeah, sure, no problem. You can come by around noon," I told him and he nodded pleased. I was glad he left after that, because I felt my face flushing. I told myself I was flushing and had butterflies in my stomach because I was an awkward teenager, and someone had spoken to me. So what if it was Edward? That was totally just a coincidence. I didn't _like_ him like that. We were just schoolmates... Who were meeting outside of school.

But, I wasn't in total denial and I knew myself well enough to recognize that I might have a _tiny_ crush on Edward.

Perhaps it was my weird dreams that had given me this unrealistic expectation of Edward. He was always kind and sweet in my dreams, so now I attributed the same kindness to the real Edward?

 _Yeah, because the real Edward was such a douche_. I sighed; I felt bad for thinking that. He wasn't a douche, not anymore, and he hadn't been for a while. He was actually pretty pleasant.

Perhaps we had simply just gotten off on the wrong foot.

 _Yeah, Bella. Whatever makes your boat float_ , I told myself, realizing that I was totally rationalizing my need to spend time with him. It wouldn't matter. Soon he'd find me boring, or, as unlikely as it seemed, I might find him boring. And if that didn't happen soon enough, I would be going to college next year, and he would probably go to Harvard or some other fancy college.

The pain in my chest constricted. I forced myself to ignore it.

* * *

Edward arrived at 12:00, noon, precisely. I had cleaned the entire house, as well as my room and I had showered twice. He had brought food his mother, Esme, had made, which was perfect as I had forgotten all about lunch and I had gotten hungry. It consisted of homemade sandwiches with homemade bread. For some reason Edward looked strangely normal carrying the food, and I released a breath I had been holding.

Charlie had left early this morning for work, which was perfect, as I wasn't entirely sure I was ready for the two of them to meet.

"Oh, wow, they smell delicious," I told him and we munched them down. "You don't like them?" I wondered as I saw how hesitantly Edward ate. Edward swallowed a bit and he shook his head in denial.

"No, they're great," he said, "but I've already had dozens of them since this morning," he said with a smile and I watched as he lowered the sandwich. For some reason eating made him seem so normal and I felt strangely comforted by the sight. I didn't recall seeing him eat, despite spending lunch every day with him this week.

 _Wow… I am really unobservant_ , I thought to myself.

"She cooks a lot?" I wondered. I'd never met Esme; if fact, I think she was the only Cullen I hadn't actually seen.

"Yeah, she loves it. She also cooks for parties at the hospital and such events," Edward told me. It felt nice knowing this tidbit of information about his family "What about your mother?" He wondered. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Let's watch the movie," I said instead and pressed play.

I, of course, loved the movie, and Edward seemed more impressed now that we'd discussed an alternative way of seeing things.

"Now I don't have to read the book," he said as it ended. I was about to go on a tirade in order to inform him of why exactly he definitely _should_ read the book, but I saw him smirking at me and I realized he was joking. He laughed at me when I visibly deflated.

After the movie we small-talked about it. I knew it wouldn't last, and eventually he'd go home, but Edward pleasantly surprised me.

"I know it's a bit presumptuous, but I did bring my homework for English with me. I thought we could start on the book, and the talk it over when we finished first chapter," Edward admitted. I felt delighted, but I tried not to show it. I didn't want to seem too eager. I was beginning to think Edward kept to himself to avoid the girls fawning over him, so I wanted to be anything like that. I wanted him to be comfortable around me, be himself.

We read the first chapter of The Great Gatsby, and then we discussed what we had read. It turned out, however, that we had both read the book previously, so our discussion ended up being about the entire book, rather than just the first chapter. Soon the discussion moved to other topics, such as our reading list for this year.

"I'm looking forward to Harry Potter," Edward admitted. "I love that our syllabus is so varied this year, and not restricted to the old romantic classics like last year. I can't wait to hear the different outtakes of those books," he added. "Perhaps we can skip Gatsby, since we've both read it recently?"

I nodded in accept to skipping Gatsby, and then said "I've never read the Harry Potter books." Edward stared at me in horror. It was almost comical.

"You've NEVER read Harry Potter? But it's a … a classic!" Edward said aghast. I laughed at his expression.

"Classic?" I said doubtfully. Sure I knew the story, and I knew they were very, very popular.

"I dare say they are," Edward said confidently. For a moment he sounded so old, and I laughed at him.

"There are some books and movies that everyone sees, or at least know about. It's just general knowledge. The Harry Potter books and movies, and The Lord of the Rings, as well." Edward insisted. I shook my head uncertainly. "Oh god, you haven't seen or read _them_ either?" Edward growled almost and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Yeah, yeah, I've been living in a basement," I joked dryly.

"Seriously, Bella. You know Star Wars at least," He said desperately. At my nod he visibly calmed. "Both Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings have influenced the modern world to such a degree that almost everyone has either read or seen the movies. It's kinda a shock that you, being into reading, haven't read them… Star Wars has had a huge impact on the history of movies, and both Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter has influenced the book-world considerably, as well as the movie-verse. There are some hilarious rip-offs…"

"I'm into classical literature," I reminded him. "Elves, wizards? And Star Wars in space?" I shrugged.

"So, a love that transcends logic, a love that transcends _death_ , but wizards are where you draw the line?" Edward wondered curiously.

I laughed, "I guess when you put it that way," I said. "I just never really got around to it," I said. I _had_ actually wanted to see the movies, but I'd never had anyone to watch them with. Renee promised to go with me to the movies, but, of course, it never happened. When they got released on DVD I just never got around to it. Star Wars was before my time, and I had never really had anyone near me who wanted to watch them. Renee watched chick-flicks and Charlie preferred sport.

"I think we need to expand your horizon," Edward threatened good naturally. I felt a flutter in my stomach and I tried to bury it again.

"Oh?" I wondered innocently, hoping he'd suggest we'd watch them. I wasn't disappointed.

"So, what's your work schedule? I'll come over every day when you're not at work. We start with the books. We can always tell Mr. Mason that we've read ahead. He definitely won't mind," Edward said with certainty. I think Edward had Mr. Mason in English last year, so I supposed he'd know.

"Fair enough, since I got you to read and watch Romeo and Juliet," I agreed readily and Edward awarded me with a radiant smile. I had to fight the dazzling and the blush easily creeping up on me.

Unfortunately, our day was cut short when Edward's brother called, insisting that he needed Edward's help.

He smiled apologetically to me, but assured me he'd see me tomorrow.

Charlie was home ten minutes later, followed by Billy and Jacob. I guess it was a good thing that Edward had had to leave; otherwise Billy would probably have had things to say.

I sighed when I saw Billy, remembering his warnings, and remembering Edward's warnings as well. It felt like so long ago, but I remembered that I had told Edward that I would trust his judgment on whether or not he was a good person. I didn't have enough information to make an informed decision, and I didn't want to risk Charlie and myself for something I didn't know or understand.

After Billy's warning I was pretty sure the Mafia wasn't involved, or that the Cullens were under witness protection or on the run. They simply stood out too much. Billy acted as if they shared a history, so I felt pretty confident in my assessment that this was some crazy family dispute.

The danger about my assessment was that I took both their warnings for granted.

It was like I'd forgotten, or rather ignored, all the warnings Billy and Jacob had given me, and even Edward himself. I _still_ didn't know enough, but Edward had apparently decided we could be friends, which made me think that whatever it was that was going on between the tribe and the Cullens it couldn't be that bad, or at least didn't involve others.

Would Billy hate _me_ if I he found out I hung out with Alice and Edward? Billy and Charlie were so close, like brothers, would the dispute affect us?

 _This is_ NOT _Romeo and Juliet_ , I reminded myself, frustrated. I could already see where my thoughts were taking me, and I was quick to stop them. I wasn't going to turn whatever the dispute was into a romance novel.

Perhaps, more importantly, I wasn't going to get myself into the middle of something I had no idea what was, nor would I want to indirectly bring Charlie into it.

So, I would have to either listen to their advice, or ask for the truth. I could do that, couldn't I? I had the right to know what went on if I was going to be friends with Alice and Edward, didn't I? Would Edward fault me for asking?

 _It's time to stop hiding, Bella. Grab the bulls by its horns and talk to Edward._ I told myself. I had never had troubles confronting Edward before, and I refused to have troubles confronting him _now_. It would be wrong to ignore this any longer, and I felt bad for having ignoring it for this long already. I knew that nagging feeling I'd had since the start of school had been a reminder, but I'd pushed it away because I had, for once, enjoyed myself.

But no more. I wasn't going to continue my denial, especially since I'd been given clear warnings from so many people. Perhaps I could reason with them, perhaps I couldn't. It didn't matter, I would still have to confront the issue.

My dreams that night were troubled, and I kept dreaming that Edward would tell me that he was sorry, that he couldn't tell me, and that it was best not to be friends.

When I woke up I felt saddened and worried. I was sure I was probably blowing things out of proportions, but at the same time I felt they, both Edward and Billy, had given me pretty stern warnings. I felt incredibly dumb and reckless. Sure, I doubted it was anything dangerous, but that didn't make their warnings less serious. Either way, I had the right to know if I was about to enter some weird family feud.

I woke up early, way before Charlie, and I fixed him breakfast both out of adoration, but also to occupy my mind before school. I was rewarded with a huge smile and a hug when Charlie woke and found the table set for him.

"Bells, it looks amazing," Charlie murmured, eating the pancakes with glee. I laughed lightly while watching him dug in. He was like a little child. Had I been strict with my healthier diet for him? I knew he tried to get pizza whenever he could.

"Don't get used to it," I warned him with a grin, "Tonight's veggie-lasagna," I told him and he made a face. I tried to incorporate a healthier lifestyle into all my dishes, knowing that Charlie had ignored healthy food before I moved here.

It was a nice to spend the morning with Charlie, and his calm demeanor helped _me_ calm down, too.

Still, I was early at school, and as I drove I started to imagine what I would say to Edward and Alice. Hundreds of different scenarios sped through my mind. I worried how fast our friendship had progressed, and I found I was annoyed with myself at becoming so obsessed with Edward that not just my waking hours were spent thinking of him, but my dreams were filled with him as well.

I approached Edward before our first class, and I was surprised to see that he seemed to expect me. I wasn't sure if it was due to us meeting up being a usual thing, or if my somber mood gave away my thoughts.

"After school, let's talk," I told him, not giving him much of an explanation. Edward glanced towards the woods and nodded in accept, not even asking what it concerned. I was glad he didn't ask more questions, and it gave me time to think about what I wanted to say.

Edward seemed distracted for the rest of the day, too, but it was OK, since I was distracted as well. Even Alice seemed oddly distracted, so we must've been quite a sight at our lunch table, where none of us spoke, but just stared at our plates.

Was that feeling of utter doom normal, I wondered to myself.

* * *

 **Hello peeps. I hope you enjoyed it. Chapter 9 is already planned, so I expect only a week until next update! ^_^**


	9. The Truth

**Nocturnal Storyteller** **: I've explained in the bottom of the story my reasoning for doing what I do in this chapter. Hopefully it makes sense :)**

 **Thanks to everyone for reviewing. It's not many who reviews, but I can tell from the story stats that people read the story :) Though stil, please R/R**

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 **Chapter 9 - The Truth**

At least, we'd had a lovely week together, I told myself to cheer me up. If it turned out that Edward and I couldn't remain friends, for whatever reason, I would at least have those few days. Of course, if Edward and I couldn't be friends, then nor could Alice and I. The feeling was sour, too, though not nearly as uncomfortable as not being friends with Edward.

I told myself that both Billy and Carlisle were honest and kind and reasonable people. If I spoke with them, I was sure they would grant me immunity from their feud…

 _No such luck_ , I told myself, remembering Billy's rage when he realized I'd be working with Carlisle Cullen. I would just have to try harder. Demand to stay passive.

School, today, felt like a nightmare. I was distracted, and time ticked by at an impossible slow speed. Yet, somehow, it was suddenly over, and I sat at my desk, staring at the clock for a few seconds, as everyone cleared out around me. I tried to gather my thoughts.

Slowly, it felt as though I came back to the real world and myself, and I realized Edward was sitting next to me, patiently waiting. He seemed just as distracted as I did. It was time.

"Where is Alice?" I wondered as I finally rose from my seat at a very slow pace. My entire demeanor seemed reluctant, just as my mind.

"She was picked up by Esme. They're going to Port Angeles," Edward explained easily and I nodded in accept. I wondered if this would make things easier.

Slowly we left the classroom. The halls were already deserted, and briefly I wondered where we should talk. Edward, however, lead the way, and I followed behind him as we moved outside.

In a corner of the school property, nestled near the woods, stood some benches, and Edward took a seat.

I took my time sitting down and getting comfortable, and Edward, once more, seemed to patiently wait for me.

"So," Edward announced. I dragged my gaze away from my hands and looked at him. Edward seemed so at ease, so comfortable, like he didn't have a care in the world. I felt almost silly for asking what I was about to ask him.

I decided to be direct, rather than drag things out more.

"The thing is, Charlie, my dad, has a friend, Billy Black, who really doesn't like you," I told him. I could see the recognition in his eyes, and yet his demeanor never changed to anxious. He seemed calm and collected throughout my speech. "He even warned me about you, and so did his son, Jacob… and so did _you._ "

"I have no idea what's going on with your or your family. You once said you weren't a good friend or person, and that I should stay away from you. Since you're in the know I decided to agree, but now… now we're friends… and… I don't want to put Charlie or myself in a _compromising_ position." I took a deep breath while keeping an eye on him. He seemed really relaxed, and not worried at all.

Edward didn't talk, but allowed me to gather my thoughts. For some odd reason he seemed completely at ease with the way our conversation went. I suppose it must've been obvious that I was planning to talk to him about it. He seemed prepared.

"After the vacation I forgot, or, I suppose, ignored, the conversations, the warning both of you gave me… I really like being with you, Edward, so when I was reminded, I worried… You've made an information decision, I suppose, since you hold the cards, but considering your earlier attitude and Billy's warning…" I breathed out in uncertainty, suddenly not sure what I wanted to say. I had tried to plan this so perfectly, but now the words seemed so out of reach. My mind felt jumbled and my heart felt like it was beating wildly in my chest.

"You wonder what changed?" Edward supplied calmly and I nodded. "You want to make an informed decision yourself," Edward stated. It wasn't a question. I nodded again.

"Yes. I know it's presumptuous of me to assume I have the right to know anything… But if your family is part of some feud with the Blacks I'd like to know before I get involved in it..." I explained.

"Feud," Edward murmured, clearly humored. His eyes were bright and his mouth was quirked upward just the slightest.

"So, it is a family feud?" I wondered curiously. I felt like an idiot. A deeper part of me had been ready for the Mafia, undercover stories, and witness protection. Something crazy. How lame was I?

Edward sighed, "no, not exactly. I think you need to know, and I think _I_ should be the one to tell you. I've spoken with my family and we all agreed... I tried to leave, but..." Edward sighed. Perhaps it _was_ something crazier. Why would he try to leave? Did his dad just give him permission to leave his family?

"Bella, I really... _like_ being with you, too," Edward admitted truthfully. His eyes bore pleadingly into mine. "And I can see that it's not fair to make decisions on your behalf. I tried..." Edward stopped himself again, and then shook his head lightly as if to clear it. I wondered what he was about to say. I wondered what he had tried to do.

"My family and I are… different," he admitted. I stared at him incomprehensibly. I had no longer an idea where we were going with this conversation. No scenarios involved him ever saying his family was different. What did that mean?

"What kind of different?" I knew they looked different, but he couldn't possibly mean the rumors about Carlisle performing plastic surgery on them were true.

"What have you noticed?" He asked me, now curious.

I stared back, uncertain. It's not like I had gathered a list of things I noticed… Yet, as I sat there, considering his words, I realized that I _had_ observed something.

"You're all very pale," I admitted, clearly recalling when I had seen all him and his siblings together.

"Despite claiming no actual kinship you all look alike. I mean, sure some have dark hair and some of you have light, but the basics of you are similar. You're all exceptionally pretty. Your eyes change color, too… I have only seen Alice's and your eyes do that," I said, remembering how they sometimes turned almost black. "And Carlisle," I unwillingly whispered, remembering my time at the hospital. His eyes never became as dark as Edward's did, but they changed from their golden color to a darker color.

A chill ran through my body and a forbidden image rose to my mind.

Edward had stared at me with such utter hatred that first day. I remember thinking _If looks could kill_.

I could almost see the storyline continue by itself, and it was painting a picture of something else than a fairytale. I felt frightened and cold suddenly, as if my clothes were suddenly permeable to the cold Forks weather.

"Please don't be scared," Edward begged quietly. He reached over to touch my hand, very gently, and I felt both the coldness and the electricity between us. "My family and I are different, even from those of our own kind." His words shut down my brain.

I stared at him. He had said _kind_. What did that mean? Fighting against my body, I pulled my hand back and crossed my arms. My heart clenched at the saddened look on Edward's face. I tightened my crossed arms.

"I won't hurt you," Edward assured me with such conviction that I felt oddly safe. For a moment, I trusted that I truly wouldn't be hurt. My crossed arms loosened and I laid them on the table between us, though Edward didn't touch me again.

"Please, just say it," I whispered, trying to stay calm. He was part of some weird gang, I was sure of it. They were criminals. Oh god, what if Charlie found out and tried to arrest them? Would they kill him? How far would they go to protect their criminal secrets? _How_ criminal were they? Did they kill? Steal? They were incredibly rich...

"We're vampires."

I'd had my eyes closed, but as he spoke my eyes snapped wide open. "What?" I asked confused. My voice sounded dazed to me.

"My family and I are vampires," Edward repeated calmly, staring at me intensely. "We're different from other vampires: we hunt animals, _not_ humans. Billy Black knows this. We first came across his tribe many years ago, and we made a treaty. We'd be allowed to live in the area, provided we didn't eat humans…" Edward explained.

I stared at him. "What?" I must've sounded so dumb. I felt pretty confused and I probably would've keeled over had I not been sitting down.

Edward didn't repeat himself, but seemed to let me absorb his words.

Just to double-check, I asked "So… You're not part of the mafia?"

"No," Edward grinned at me lightly, but his eyes held a seriousness. I really _did_ believe him. Why did I believe him? Why did I feel down to my toes that he was telling the truth?

A vampire. He had said he was a vampire. That was just utterly absurd. I remembered being scared of Edward on my first day. I remembered feeling, deep down, that Edward was dangerous. I remembered Alice's glare at Lauren that had seen beyond hostile.

They were beyond beautiful, they were pale, and they were cold. Their eyes changed color. They were inhumanly attractive.

I breathed steadily in and out. Calm.

I focused at Edward again and realized he was still. Too still. In fact, he looked like he was made of stone; a statue.

Something inside of me agreed that, not only that they were vampires, but that they could be dangerous.

Slowly, as I came to a realization that Edward, Alice and even Carlisle were dangerous, I also realized something crucial: for some inexplicable reason, I trusted them. They could be dangerous, but I didn't think they would hurt me. Edward seemed to have done his best to avoid hurting me, and his attitude and demeanor didn't exactly scream _villain_.

That's not to say he was innocent. I refused to see him as some misunderstood puppy.

 _Okay, Bella. Take this seriously._ I told myself as I tried to be analytical about it.

So they all looked alike, they were all pale and beautiful. They were nothing like the vampire I had read about in book, but I guess the books could be wrong.

I breathed out, "I'm sorry, I think I need you to explain _your_ definition of a _vampire_ ," I made an unwilling face at the word. Edward seemed to expect that I needed more.

"The most obvious point is that we drink blood, but we drink _animal blood_ ," Edward said calmly, and I nodded. "We're also technically dead," he added. I crossed my arms, uncertain.

"Dead?" I asked for clarification.

"In 1918 I was dying of the Spanish flu when I was turned," he paused to gauge my reaction. I think I was holding up pretty well. I tried to keep my expression as blank as possible, because I wasn't entirely sure what it would show. "I died when I was 17," he added and let that sink in. So, he was 104 years old I quickly mentally calculated. I gestured for him to go on. I was quite proud of my own self-restraint. I listened attentively as he spoke.

"When we're turned we change appearance, or rather, our appearance as a human becomes more defined as a vampire. We become more attractive to our _intended prey_ ," he hesitated, checking my expression.

"Humans," I acknowledged unemotionally and he nodded, looking relieved. I realized he was worried about telling me. I would think about this later, once I understood the facts.

"We also become stronger," to demonstrate Edward pressed his finger through the wooden table, as if it was water, leaving a hole. I traced the hole with a finger, feeling the hardness of the wood beneath my own fingers. Briefly I pressed, hard, but it didn't give away.

I indicated for Edward to continue.

"We're very fast," he whispered. And then he was sitting next to me. I gasped in quiet terror and Edward looked pained. In the blink of an eye he was back to sit across from me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he apologized sincerely.

"Okay," I replied weakly, trying to calm my frantic heart. I marveled at how trusting I was of him. "It's… OK," I reiterated as I was more calm. "But you ate food at my place?" I questioned, remembering the sandwiches his mother had prepared. It also occurred to me that I didn't recall having seen him eat at any other time.

Edward looked almost comically disgusted, "we don't eat human foods. We can, but we can't digest it," Edward explained with a chagrined look, "but, looking more _human_ sometimes helps people relax…" Edward explained.

I tried to figure out what to think. I did feel more relaxed at having seen him eating. He had looked so _normal_. That must've been part of the deception, I realized.

Something nagged in the back of my mind, "if you can't digest the food," I said quietly, my eyes meeting his.

"Right," he agreed uncomfortable. "I … _purged_ later…" it sounded incredibly gross.

It all sounded incredibly weird. Why would they even go to such lengths to go to school? Why go to such length with _me_? Why was _I_ special?

That wasn't a question I was ready to have answered right in this moment.

Instead, I wondered "What about the sun?" It wasn't sunny in Forks, and I remembered how they were never at school when the sun was out. Apparently they went camping.

"The sun doesn't hurt us, but it shows our true nature. I'll show you sometime, if you'd like," he told me simply. I stared at him for a while, simply unable to comprehend what he was saying. For a while I tried to organize my thoughts, but it was very difficult, especially since Edward was staring at me.

My heart fluttered and I squashed it down. Now was really not the time to act like a lovesick child.

With that, I realized that despite what Edward had told me, despite truly believing that he was a vampire, I was _still_ crushing on him.

I felt like such a mess.

"So, does Carlisle not bring back blood from the hospital?" I wondered. Edward snorted at the idea.

"Human blood turn our eyes red, while animal blood turns them golden," Edward explained. "Carlisle loves to help people, so he uses his years of expertise to do just that," Edward explained.

I noticed he said 'years of expertise' and I wondered.

"Vampires are… like… Immortal, aren't they?" I asked, trying to make sense of what I knew of vampires from the stories. I felt completely ridiculous talking about this like it was any normal conversation.

"Yes," Edward admitted apprehensively. When I didn't reply he asked, "what are you thinking?"

I looked into his eyes and said, "I don't know," I admitted. "I have so many questions, but it's like my throat doesn't have the capacity to ask them all at once, and my mind can't comprehend which question is more important to ask. It's all jumbled up," I said in a rush.

"Then allow me to explain," Edward said. "I am truly sorry about my previous behavior. When I first met you, your scent was overwhelming to me. More than normal, much more. I had trouble…" Edward was looking for words, but I realized what he was saying.

"You wanted to eat me?" It dawned on me. I leaned away from him involuntarily and saw his regret at my actions.

"I _am_ sorry. I promise you that I won't hurt you!" Edward promised me severely. "I tried so hard to ignore you, to leave, but I couldn't stay away… From you," he fell silent, "something about you was interesting…" Silence reigned and I stared at him patiently, or tried to, at least. It wasn't every day that you find out how close to death you had come.

"So all the tenseness, the sneers? Your eyes?" I eventually broke the silence. Edward nodded numbly.

"I wish I could apologize better…"

"What changed? Did I stop smelling?" I whispered quietly, nervous of the answer.

"No, I just… Couldn't stay away. Mind over matter," he sent me a crooked smile, which I had come to like. His eyes seemed almost far away as he spoke next, "my family and I had many discussions about you. Should we leave? Should _I_ leave? I tried to, but I kept returning. Whenever I thought about leaving you I was filled with-" he fell silent. I breathed out a breath I hadn't noticed I had been holding.

"Eventually I decided that I didn't want to stay away. I wanted to be _friends_. My mother said that if that was the case you deserved to know the truth. That brought on a lot of other discussions, but in the end I knew she was right. You said it yourself: you need to know in order to make a choice. How could I take the choice from you?" He ended with a whisper and for a while we sat there in silence.

"Are you scared?" He wondered as his eyes searched for mine.

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. I was certain Edward wasn't about to kill me, but there was still a lot information I seemed to be lacking, which meant I couldn't be sure of anything. "Tell me more," I asked, hoping to get a better glimpse of what I was missing.

"Your father will be home soon… If you like, we can continue this at your house, so he doesn't get worried," Edward suggested. I didn't want to do that; I didn't want to involve Charlie and I didn't want Edward near my father until I could think more clearly. My basic instinct told me to protect Charlie, but it felt slightly irrational, since I at the same time utterly trusted that Edward wouldn't hurt me, or Charlie. The fact was, I didn't know _why_ I trusted him so fully, so I couldn't involve Charlie. Not yet, at least.

"Can I borrow your phone?" I wondered and he handed me it. I pressed the code for secret number, and then dialed Charlie at the station.

"Chief Swan," Charlie answered on the second ring. I breathed out, not realizing how much better I felt at hearing his voice.

"Dad, it's me… I'm caught up at school and I'm not sure what time I will be home, so pizza tonight," I told him easily.

"Okay, be safe, Bells. See you later," Charlie agreed easily and I almost rolled my eyes at him. I snapped the phone shut and Edward looked at me disapprovingly.

"You didn't tell him you were with me," Edward noticed.

"You won't hurt Charlie," it was meant as a question, but it came out as a demand. Edward looked appalled.

"Of course not!" He insisted. I stared at him defiantly. "Bella, we don't do premeditated murders," Edward assured me.

"So, I would be an accident," I wondered, taking Edward off guard.

"Should you ever be hurt it would be an accident, but I promise you that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe!" His words resonated with his demeanor and his earlier promises.

"Tell me more," I repeated my earlier request.

"When I met you, you smelled more delicious than I have ever experienced. In order to avoid hurting you I ran off," Edward explained, clearly taking note of my expression. I kept calm. "I ran to Denali, where we have cousins. They drink blood from animals, too… I stayed, but I had trouble believing that you had really had such an effect on me. I kept trying to make up excuses to come home, but it wasn't until Tyler Crowley almost squashed you that I finally came back," Edward admitted.

I wondered why that was. "Why?" I said out loud. I wanted to ask _Why me_ , but I didn't.

"I don't know," he admitted. The explanation felt a little empty. "At first I thought it was because I felt guilty, and I tried to make up for it," I grinned despite of myself at the reminder of last year. It was not remotely funny, but I _had_ been right in assuming that he was trying to right what he had done wrong.

Which made me realize, although I understood that Edward was a vampire and he was dangerous, I also realized that I believed that he wasn't _bad_ or _evil_. He had tried to right what he had done wrong, after all. Who ever heard of a villain _caring_?

"The more I tried, the more I _wanted_ your forgiveness…." Edward explained.

"Ahh," I exclaimed and Edward stared at me confused, "your multiple-personality disorder? You tried to ignore me, and yet you wanted to apologize," I said and he nodded with a light smile, as it seemed I understood what he was saying.

"Exactly," Edward offered me a smile. I wish he'd smile more, I realized. "The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to be your friend, yet I felt I shouldn't… Eventually I had to make a choice: either become your friend and tell you the truth, or stop all communication," Edward explained. I frowned, not liking this, though I obviously knew how it turned out.

"When did you decide?" I wondered.

"In the summer holidays. I-" Edward fell silent, "I realized that I _wanted_ to be your friend, and that it would mean telling you things… I knew that I could no longer stay away from you…" his sentence felt so loaded with unsaid things, things even I didn't dare voice loud.

"So, when you said I reeked," I backtracked, "it was to get away from my _scent_?" I clarified and Edward nodded. "You tried to right things, and in your effort you decided you wanted to be my… friend?" I tried to say the word normally, but there was something _wrong_ about that word. My stomach fluttered uneasily.

Edward nodded again, "yes," he agreed.

"So, your earlier warnings?"

"I was afraid you'd get hurt. It could happen so easily… It wouldn't be on purpose," Edward said chagrined. I understood his hesitation. "I just… can't stay away… By telling you, you can decide for yourself…"

I quickly moved on. "You're 104 years old, you were changed while you suffered from the Spanish Flu?" I added for clarification. At Edward's nod I said, "did I miss anything?"

"We have an amazing hearing and sense of smell. I can hear your heart," Edward said quietly. As he spoke my heart stuttered and Edward smiled. I blushed. "I can hear you blush," as if that made me blush any less. I wondered what that sounded like. Was is like a rushing river? I had so many questions, but this was not important right now.

Trying to remove the focus from me, and my blushing, I hurried said, "how did you get turned? What does it mean?"

"All it takes is a bite. We have venom in our mouths," Edward explained, "Carlisle changed me, both because my mother insisted he save me _somehow_ , but also because he had been alone for a long time." Edward trailed off. I listened attentively and tried to look calm.

Edward told about Carlisle, his age, and Esme, as well as Rosalie and Emmett. I felt a little proud for being able to act so calm. The feeling of trust was ever present, but until I understood things more clearly I didn't want to show many emotions, as I worried I might give the wrong idea.

In his storytelling, Edward reached Alice and Jasper.

"Alice and Jasper became vampires separate from each other, but also separate from the rest of the family. Alice doesn't remember her past life, and Jasper…." Edward trailed off, "he lived a different life." So, he ate humans, I realized. I nodded and gestured for Edward to go on.

"There's something you should know… It might unease you," Edward stalled.

"I don't think I can become more uneasy," I admitted unthinkingly. Edward looked uncomfortable and I tried to loosen the atmosphere by rolling my eyes. "Come on, now. Are you also a Space Wizard?" I joked. Edward smiled lightly, but I could tell he was still uncomfortable. If _he_ was uncomfortable, what would I be?

"Amongst vampires, some have certain skills… For example, as a human some were very empathic, and so as vampires they can manipulate emotions," Edward explained weakly. I stared at him in shock.

"Are you messing with my emotions now?" I whispered hoarsely in terror.

"No! I can't do that," Edward quickly assured me. "Jasper can feel emotions and manipulate them, to some extent…" Edward explained awkwardly.

"You knew how I felt," I felt dizzy. So, Edward knew about the hatred I've felt for him, but he also knew about the _other_ emotions. Panicked, a scene suddenly played out in my mind. It was the first day after the vacation and Jasper had dropped off Alice and Edward. When I had seen Edward I had felt elated, happy, excited. Had Jasper known this? Did Edward know this?

"Oh god!" I whispered panicked, and side-tracked, and hid my face in my hands. He knew, Edward had to know. He knew how I felt about him. My mind felt like a mess, and I tried to point out that if he knew, he was _still_ here!

"Bella, what's wrong? Please tell me," Edward whispered agonizingly. I finally removed my hands from my face and stared at him.

"It's nothing," I lied. "Jasper must've told you about my angry feelings towards you," I tried to distract both Edward and myself.

"Your feelings are natural," Edward told me, "I understand them," he whispered quietly. For a moment we were silent, and then I forced myself to dispel it.

"So, Jasper can feel my emotions," I said.

"Sometimes," Edward corrected. I frowned at him, confused, "you're… difficult to read. It's like you're hidden from his view sometimes," Edward explained, "and… Alice," Edward made a very uncomfortable face.

"What?" I whispered, horrified once more.

"She can see the future, but she had trouble seeing you, because you can apparently hide yourself, just like with Jasper's gift," Edward spoke in a rushed tone, and my mouth fell open.

"You knew?" I suddenly realized that Edward must've known about this conversation, if Alice really could see the future. I had been so worried, and he had been so calm. Was this why? "You knew about this conversation?" I recalled both Alice and Edward being quiet at lunch. Had Alice seen this then?

"Please don't be mad," Edward whispered. I wasn't mad, was I? I realized that my tone had indicated I was angry. I think I was more in shock than angry, though.

"Explain," I demanded quietly. Edward explained about the gifts vampires could have, and that it wasn't everyone who were gifted. He also talked about that they didn't know how gifts came to be, but that everything about a person became more enhanced once they became a vampire. Rosalie was beautiful in her human life, so as a vampire she had become utterly stunning.

"Who else has gifts?" I all but demanded to know. Edward looked uncomfortable and I realized he had to have a gift.

"I can read minds," Edward almost whispered. For a moment I thought I heard wrong, and then I felt humiliation flood through me once more.

"You read _minds_?" I asked panicked. A part of me wondered why he just hadn't answered the questions my mind was brimming with. A more worried part was quite aware about certain thoughts that I wanted to keep secret.

"No, well, yes, but I can't read yours," Edward announced. I stared at him confused. My emotions seemed to deflate. He could've said that from the beginning, so I hadn't had the few seconds to panic.

"Why? Jasper and Alice have troubles with me, too. Is that norma?" I frowned. My initial thought was to wonder what was wrong with me, but another part was glad that he apparently couldn't read my mind. I felt a little bit more calm.

"None of us has met someone who can resist our abilities… There are limitations to all powers, why I don't know." Edward admitted. For a while we sat in silence, while I tried to absorb all he had told me. I wondered if the others had powers, besides Jasper and Alice, but he hadn't mentioned them.

"Billy really doesn't like you," I told him, trying to backtrack.

"He's right to be careful," Edward said, "we _are_ vampires. We crave blood, especially human blood. But we like to live normal lives, so we don't… you know… Though, sometimes we slip," Edward explained severely. I understood now his earlier warning, but wondered why I was no longer a meal-option. I ignore that question for now.

After a while of silence Edward said, "I'm confused. You haven't asked me to prove any of this," he said. He had talked about his abilities, about their strength and their speed, but I hadn't actually seen it, except for his hole in the table. I didn't doubt him, though. Despite a part of me saying that is was simply illogical, another part of me sort of clicked into place.

"If you want to flex, feel free," I said cheekily. It felt surprisingly good to joke. Edward rolled his eyes and stood. I mirrored him and stood as well.

"Let's get further into the woods," he said. Once we were far enough into the woods he started running around from place to place. I couldn't see him run, I only saw when he stopped at a point, and then it looked like he was teleporting to the next place. When he slowed his run, just enough for me to follow him with my eyes, I could see that it was definitely by inhuman speed.

I could tell that he was watching me constantly, as if trying to see my reaction. He even broke a tree, though it was done pretty hesitantly. I could tell he was worried about my reaction. His worry strengthened my calm and my trust in him.

"Poor tree," I joked, though inside I felt a bit strange. I didn't want Edward to worry about whatever it was he was worried about. My joke made him relax.

"I'll apologize later," he assured me.

"So, you use your crazy strength and speed to eat bunnies?" I really tried to lighten the mood and Edward snorted.

"Something like that," he admitted. We sat in silence for a few minutes, but a pressing question made me finally talk.

"Why tell me?" I asked and turned to him. "It seems like a pretty big deal. No one believes in this stuff, so why let me in on the secret?"

"We don't ever tell anyone. But I … I really like you. I want us to be... friends, and we can't be that unless I tell you the truth. At first I didn't want to involve you, so I left. But I couldn't stop thinking about you, so I had to come back. The summer vacation was especially messy emotionally, and eventually Rosalie told me to get a grip on myself and make a choice. I spoke with the entire family. But I couldn't make a choice for you. I knew I would have to tell you, so that you can make your own informed decision."

As he spoke I knew that there were a lot more he wasn't telling me, but I was also certain it might be because it was all a lot to take in. I appreciated him giving me time to digest what I had been told. I also noticed how he said 'friends', almost hesitantly.

As evening progressed Edward simply sat with me as I considered things. It was a difficult task.

"I think I need some time to think," I finally admitted. Edward rose and held his cold hand out to me. I took it gingerly and the electricity sparked between us. "At least we've got good chemistry," I joked uncertain. His eyes widened, but he didn't respond.

Edward followed me to my car.

"Take all the time you need to think," he told me sincerely. I nodded and drove off. I felt like I would need at least a year to sort through the emotions running through me right now, not to mention all the information I'd been given.

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 **It was never about Bella being observant enough to realize the secret, but about her being Edward's mate, and therefore she would have to be told.**

 **In the books, I always got the impression that vampire lives were set in stone, until they meet their mate, which makes them able to chance, perhaps in order to accommodate their mate into their lives.**

 **In the books, Bella was a child (despite SMeyer's insistence of otherwise), so was it really a surprise that Edward would act like a whiny child, too? Despite being 104 years old? He was simply reflecting her childish behavior.**

 **I wanted Edward to be resolved. Sure, they will still have plenty to talk about, especially regarding his feelings on the matter, but now, at least, he understands that HE can't make that call alone, which he tended to do in the books. I wanted them to have an equal relationship, not a controlling one.**

 **By making Bella more mature, Edward become more mature, too.**

 **Anyway, that was my reasoning for telling Bella.**

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 **Chapter 10 is ready for next week!**

 **Please review**


	10. Choices

**SURPRISE!**

 **This is a pre-Easter bonus! I'm going to London on Saturday, so I won't be able to update Sunday.**

 **So many thanks for your review, keep them coming, because they make my day 3**

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 **Chapter 10 – Choices**

I pretended I was sick the rest of the week, just to avoid seeing Edward and Alice, as I couldn't pretend that everything was fine and normal. Charlie worried, of course, but I played the part well, since I looked like crap. Besides, I'd never given him any reason to doubt me before.

Strange nightmares plagued my nights, but I noticed that I was never fearful of Edward in them, which I took as a good sign that at least my subconscious seemed at ease. Now the rest of me needed to follow.

When Charlie left for work, I would sometimes slip out of the house, and walk the small path from the edge of our garden and into the forest. I never went far, just to a huge fallen tree, where I could sit and think. In the forest, surrounded by nature and ancient trees, the idea of the supernatural didn't seem so weird or frightening. If I was especially open and poetic, it was almost beautiful and magical.

I tried to understand what Edward had told me, and what the implications were and what they meant. I knew there was something they were keeping from me, and I knew it was about _me_ , about why _I_ was told.

In my hearts of hearts, I hoped I knew why, but I ignored it for the time being, as I needed to concentrate on other things. Besides, before I even started considering dating him, I needed to start being real friends with him. Or at least dispelling all the akwardness between us.

Would it even be possible? Cross-species dating? He was technically still a human, just with some added power...

* * *

I decided to visit Carlisle, and since I was pretending to be sick I knew Charlie wouldn't mind me leaving the house for the hospital.

It felt immensely odd walking the familiar hallways on the way to Carlisle's office, now that I knew what he really was. He knew I was coming, and the door was open when I arrived. I wondered if Alice had tipped him off, or it was his extraordinary hearing or sense of smell. I shook my head to myself; this was so absurd.

"Bella," Carlisle greeted me. I let go of a breath I had unknowingly held. Carlisle was so obviously good and I instantly felt calm in his presence. He seemed so serene, so true. Carlisle wasn't evil or bad.

"Hey Carlisle," I said shyly. He closed the door behind me and I took a seat in the chair in front of his desk. He took a seat next to me, rather than behind the desk.

"I know you've had a lot to think about." Carlisle opened the conversation easily and I nodded.

"A bit," I agreed with a grin. He regarded me with calm eyes, and let me gather my thoughts.

"It's just… crazy," I admitted. "I mean, I believe you. I _know_ , but my mind…" I trailed off. "Why _me_?" I whispered, unable to keep the question to myself.

"I think you know why it was you." Carlisle offered me a small smile. My heart picked up and I blushed unwillingly, knowing he could hear it.

"You've been given quite a bit information over a very short amount of time," Carlisle agreed. "Think about what _you_ want. The rest of the information will come by itself," Carlisle said. I considered his idea.

I wasn't sure what I wanted, but I realized what I _didn't_ want. I _didn't_ want to stay at home, and I _didn't_ want to avoid Edward and Alice.

"We have a lot of history, and there's no need to tell you everything in seconds. We got time," Carlisle reminded me. Being reminded that I wasn't facing a deadline made me feel immensely better. Still, though...

"If something happens, if I become the meal, Charlie won't be touched?" I asked for reassurance.

"Only by the grief," Carlisle admitted sadly. "I can assure you that everyone is taking utmost care regarding you," Carlisle promised. "Were you ever to… _become the meal_ , it would happen purely by accident, not due to a well-planned strategy."

"But accidents happen," I added. He nodded sadly.

"Yes. Which is why you need to understand the dangers of being near us. You must always consider interaction between us could have serious consequences. A hug could be too hard, and squeeze…" He trailed off. I understood what he was saying.

"Have you ever done this before?" I wondered curiously.

Carlisle shook his head, "no, this is a first. None of my children, nor my wife, were aware of vampires until they had been changed themselves…" Carlisle explained. I wondered what that meant for Edward and I.

"If I walk into this with open eyes, and something _does_ happen, I don't want anyone to blame themselves," I said quietly. It was still an 'if', but I knew that I couldn't put the blame on their shoulders. I could see Carlisle's shoulder tense less, and I knew he felt grateful. An eternity of guilt must be horrible.

Carlisle was a great source of comfort and information, and I felt much better talking to him. He repeated one thing that he demanded from me: that I always consider the consequences, the good and the bad. Being around vampires could be dangerous, for a human, so I needed to understand the dangers all the time.

"I need you to understand, Bella, that being amongst vampires might not necessarily end with you dying. You could simply break your bones, or you could happen to be turned into us by accident, and both has quite a few consequences," Carlisle said seriously. I hadn't considered this. I had only thought that I might end up as the meal. Of course, I could break some bones. Worse, I could become paralyzed.

"You mean, if they stop eating me before I'm dead?" Edward had said their saliva was venomous.

"Yes. If something _does_ happen, this could be the outcome, too," Carlisle said seriously.

"What would that mean?" I whispered. Surely, it wasn't worse than dying.

"If it happens at 17 you'll be stuck as a teenager forever," Carlisle explained, "if you're a little older you'll be stuck like that forever." It didn't sound so bad. "But we cannot change, Bella. If you were ever to become a vampire, you would most likely have to say goodbye to your family… We'd have to fake your death…"

"If I died for real it would be the same," I commented, but Carlisle shook his head.

"There's a difference between losing something and never knowing, and then continue living on, knowing you've lost something," his words seemed to reflect something deeper, "as a vampire, you will be aware of the loss of your family. It can hurt a lot and for a long time," Carlisle explained. "There are other things as well, such as never growing old or having children…" his voice trailed off. His tone somewhat more severe as he spoke the last words.

If I entered into this, I could end up dead, or becoming one of them. I would never grow old or have children, I would never be able to visit Charlie, Renee and Phil again. There would be no lounging on the beach. Could I live on, knowing that they believed I had been killed somehow? My thoughts strayed to Charlie. He was a lonely man, and he loved deeply. It would hurt him more than Renee. Renee had Phil, and she was easily distracted. Charlie was different.

The silence stretched between us as I considered his words. The dangers and consequences were many, that much was obvious. I felt my stomach drop and turn uncomfortably.

"There's one last thing," Carlisle almost whispered. I met his gaze. "Alice told me that she or Edward will talk to you about it, but I feel that it is my duty to address it as well. My family and I trusts you with our secret. I cannot even begin to express the importance that you never tell it to anyone else…"

"Carlisle, I would never…" I whispered horrified, but Carlisle held up a hand to stall me. I would never break their trust.

"I trust you, Bella, but this is something that must be said out loud, and not just assumed. The only rule our kind has is keeping the secret, and Edward took a big chance on telling you…" Carlisle's eyes softened, "I believe it was the right choice, Bella," Carlisle assured me and I felt a little better, "nevertheless, we have a group of vampires that govern us, and their policy is strict… Whatever happens, you must keep our secret…"

"Of course," I promised. I wanted to ease Carlisle's fears, but in truth, I also needed to think. There were rules, or rather 1 rule, and they had broken it - for me. What would happen to them if we were caught? What would happen to me?

"To alleviate your fears, they live in Europe and are unlikely to find out about you…"

* * *

My talk with Carlisle had been tough. I now realized what a huge risk Edward had taken by telling me, and I worried that I would somehow let them all down.

I vowed to myself that I would do as Carlisle told me: consider the ramifications of each possibility. If I did this, if I accepted their friendship I might never see my family again, nor grow old or have kids.

I hadn't ever considered getting kids, but this was so huge, that I would have to consider just that. Did I want them?

Carlisle had also been right; there was a huge difference between actually dying, and living the rest of your existence knowing what you've lost. Being dead meant no regrets, no thoughts, no nothing. Becoming a vampire meant I would suffer an eternity, if I had many regrets.

Carlisle spoke from experience, and I wondered if he, or any in his family, felt the loss of their humanity deeply. Perhaps they all did, each in different ways.

I realized that they had made a choice. I understood that they actually broken a rule in order to tell me, and that brought on so many other questions.

I would keep their secret, no matter the outcome, but I had to make a choice, too. I had to consider if I could do this, if I could take that chance. I had to do it not just for my own sake, but for the Cullen's sake as well. If something happened, I needed them to understand that I had understood the dangers and accepted them.

Should anything happen the last thing I wanted was for anyone to feel guilty, at least if I made the choice of keep seeing them.

Regretting not having children would only count if I wanted children when I was turned, and currently I had no interest in them. The truth was, right now all I wanted was Edward. I was not blind, I knew Edward had affected me since the day I started at Forks High, and I recalled my romantic dreams with perfect clarity. However, since the start of the new school year, since we had become friends, I had gotten a glimpse of a person who truly fascinated me. I wasn't sure if it was because he was a vampire, or because of his personality, but I _needed_ to find out. I needed to get to know him, to understand him. I wasn't sure why, and for now I had to consider if being near Edward would be worth it if an accident happened, be it broken bones, death or becoming a vampire.

Logically I would say no, but I knew it was hollow. The mere thought of staying away from Edward brought a strange pain thought my very core. I spent every dream trying to keep Edward with me, but he kept slipping away. In my waking hours, I became irate and frustrated, longing for him. It started to hurt that he was so close, and yet so far.

This week without him felt like torment.

" _I think you know why it was you"_ Carlisle's words often ran through my mind, and I often found myself thinking about it. If he was right, it meant that Edward liked me the way I liked him.

I felt like a preschooler to think about us 'liking each other', but I knew I wasn't in a place right now where I could be more serious about it. There was simply too much going on. For now, I just wanted us to be Bella and Edward, to be friends. I wanted to take things slowly, so that I could really feel if I was on the right track. I wanted to be able to get off the train easily, if I were so inclined.

I worried for Charlie, but I knew it was futile to stay away from Edward, since he was on my mind constantly. A parent should never have to put their child in the grave, but I accepted the terrible possibility that Charlie might end up doing just that. Edward had once said he couldn't stay away and the truth was that _I_ couldn't stay away either. For now, I would take my first steps with Edward, but be mindful in case I changed my mind.

I knew that I couldn't live my life half. I wanted to be near Edward, and I knew, if my parents were ever told the truth, that they would understand. Well, understand might be a poetic way of saying it, but I knew that they would want me to be _happy_. To live your life half due to fear is no life. I trusted that Edward or his family wouldn't plan to kill me; I trusted that if it happened it would be an accident.

As the week neared its end I felt I was finally able to put words on some of my feelings.

 _I'm irrevocably in love with Edward_

 _I think Edward might be in love with me, too._

I don't know what that meant, but perhaps it didn't have to mean anything. Perhaps we could just be Bella and Edward, and then see where it went from there.

 _I know he or his family could accidentally kill me at any time. I accepted that risk._

 _I know I could accidentally be turned into a vampire, and I accepted the risk and the implications._

If anything, I could always re-evaluate later on. Carlisle was right, it was important to ask myself often if it was worth it. If it turned out that Edward held no romantic feelings for me, then I was pretty sure I would have to end our friendship. It was a painful realization, and I only hoped it wouldn't come to that.

I decided to meet with them Monday and try to get to know them better. Perhaps that would strengthen or weaken my decision. Once I had realized this, I found myself excited for Monday.

* * *

Monday morning dawned early. I was up before Charlie, fixing him breakfast both as a pre-emptive apology, but also because I felt I needed to let off some energy. I even wrote an email to Renee, telling her that I missed her.

I arrived at school twenty minutes before the first class started. The parking lot was empty, save for one other car: a silver Volvo.

I sucked in my breath, feeling the tingling sensation of butterflies. I had missed them silly, especially Edward. I stomped it down in order to be more alert and serious, though it was hard.

Alice and Edward had obviously arrived, but I didn't see them, not until I reached my first class of the day. Edward was already seated inside, waiting for me.

"Hello, Edward," I greeted him almost shyly.

"Are you OK?" Edward wondered tentatively. His concern made me feel calm and happy.

"Yeah. Sorry. I just… can we start over? Be friends?" I asked him seriously. _Third time's the charm, right?_

"Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. What's your name?" Edward extended his hand, just like he had done last time after the vacation. He had offered me a new start, and now I offered him one. I grinned and shook his hand, ignoring the tingling sensation as our flesh met.

I noticed that Edward's handshake was somewhat loose, and I understood that he, too, tried to hold back. It seemed kinda sad that it was necessary.

"My name is Isabella Swan, but please call me Bella," I asked of him. I felt a bit better, hoping I could get to know Edward better this way.

"So, enjoying Forks so far?" Edward wondered interestedly. His smile held mirth, and I felt pleased to see him smile.

"Oh it's okay. My dad lives here. He's a cop you know," I told him informatively and with a smirk. "It's a dreary place, but I enjoy living with my dad," I admitted easily.

"Cop? Oh, I think I might've heard of him. Chief Swan, correct?" Edward winked at me and I laughed lightly.

"Yeah, well, I guess with a small town such as Forks there are no secrets," I replied and then Edward leaned back and laughed. I was startled by his laugh at first, but then I joined in. It felt good to laugh, I had missed it, and it was wonderful to see Edward laugh. It suited him.

My stomach tinkled.

Whenever we had time, we continued this type of small talk throughout the day. He asked about my favorite subjects and colors, music and whatever else he could come up with. I asked him about his as well. At lunch, we sat with Alice, who fell into the conversation easily, and I found I asked her the same questions I'd asked Edward, just out of curiosity.

We ignored the whole supernatural part for a while, just getting to know each other, which was a great help, because I was getting to know Edward as I thought he really was, sans supernatural.

It also helped me affirm my decision. I had now gotten to know both Edward and Alice a bit better, and I _wanted_ them in my life. I felt I understood the dangers, but I still wanted them in my life.

On Friday, after four days spent with the 'getting to know you'-game, I was finally able to give my decision to Edward and Alice. I had delayed giving it, but I needed them to understand that I _understood_. That I didn't make light of their condition or my decision.

"Hello, Bella!" Alice was extra cheerful today and almost bouncing in her seat as Edward and I reached her.

"Oh god! You've already seen it!" I exclaimed, realizing now what an annoyance her gift was. "I thought you had trouble seeing me!"

"I _have_ trouble seeing you, but this decision is really firm. I don't think I could've avoided seeing it had I tried. Now, come on, tell anyway," Alice demanded happily, as Edward and I sat. I spared a glance towards Edward, who seemed very happy. So, he knew as well, but he hadn't let on at all throughout our classes.

I started my well-rehearsed speech. "Thank you both for giving me time," I thanked them both. "Most of all, thank you for letting me make the decision," and I frowned, not sure how I could explain, "this is so… life and death, it has really given me the chance to re-evaluate some things in my life. So thank you for giving me that opportunity," I said.

Continuing, I said, "I know what can happen…" the mood dropped slightly, "but I trust you, and if something does happen, know that I don't blame you. Honestly, I'm generally pretty accident prone, so if something happens it's likely my fault," I tried to grin. "And if it isn't, that's okay."

"I've decided that I would rather take a chance and be your friend, than live a life of regret. I don't know what will happen, but I want you to know that I plan on having my eyes open all the way, and if anything ever happens, know that, as things stand between us now, I really do forgive you."

"Oh Bella!" Alice reached over and hugged me tenderly. She was careful, and I hugged her back, trying to use my entire strength. Of course, she didn't realize.

Edward was extremely happy as well, and he looked like he wanted to hug me, but refrained. There were a few awkward moments and Alice sat there grinning stupidly at us. I was blushing furiously.

"So we're friends?" Edward dispelled the awkwardness. I nodded, smiling greatly. It felt like such a relief to finally get it out.

"Yep. And if you like you're welcome to come by after school and we can carry on with our movie/book deal," I told him. Alice seemed elated, and I wondered what she had seen. I knew I would have to talk to her about her visions eventually, but for now, it was okay to let it be.

Edward assured me he wasn't busy, so he followed me home after school. I felt really giddy the whole ride home, and I was really annoyed that that I had work this weekend.

"Perhaps we should do our homework first," Edward suggested and we quickly got done the few things we had.

"So, Harry Potter," I said and picked up the book.

"It's the next on the list," Edward said and fished out a copy of his own. I stared at the front cover uncertain.

"Isn't it a kid's book?" I wondered.

"All ages," Edward replied easily and opened it. Edward started to read, and I found myself mesmerized by his voice. So much so, that I ended up not listening. Edward laughed when I spaced out, and then he insisted I read instead.

We were interrupted by a text, but Edward had already read before I had barely realized that he had received it.

"Your father will be here in ten minutes," Edward said. I knew it must've been Alice who wrote. "Should he know about me?" Edward wondered.

"Should he?" I wondered in reply, biting my lip. "It won't complicate things if I become the meal?" My sentence seemed to startle Edward, perhaps because it sounded so casual.

"You're absurd," he whispered with wide eyes. I raised an eyebrow. "If anything were to happen there would be nothing that leads to us," Edward finally replied uncomfortably.

"If something does happen, can you make sure Charlie gets my body? Just make it look like I was attacked by a bear or something," I replied.

Edward struggled with himself, and very hesitantly, he reached out and touched my cheek. His finger slid down my cheek, leaving a hot trail. My heart thudded in my chest.

Hoarsely, Edward whispered, "yes." We stared at each other. There was so much I wanted to say, but I found it difficult to breathe and think. His hands, which lay so close to me, called for me. The trail he had left on my cheek made me burn with a need I hadn't experienced before. I saw him struggle with emotions that resembled my own.

For a while we simply sat, staring at each other intensely. I felt lost in his eyes - lost in him.

It was only when I heard Charlie arrive home that both Edward and I realized we had subconsciously leaned towards each other. We moved back from each other and I tried to busy myself with the books, and ignored Edward's dazed expression.

"Bella, I'm home," Charlie called. It occurred to me that I had forgotten about dinner, and I scrambled up from my floor where Edward and I had sat in my room.

"Hey dad!" I called.

"Whose car is it outside?" Charlie called from downstairs. I felt my heartbeat pick up.

"Edward Cullen's car," I left my room to greet Charlie. I tried to calm myself and stop being irrational.

"Edward Cullen?" Charlie quirked an eyebrow and looked over my shoulder. I turned to see Edward at the top of the staircase.

"Yeah, Edward this is my dad. Dad, this is Edward," I fumbled with the words, and Charlie looked at me humored. Why was I suddenly so nervous? There was absolutely no reason to panic.

"Hello, Edward," Charlie grasped Edward's hand firmly and shook it.

"Chief Swan, sir. I am Bella's study partner in most of our classes. We're reading Harry Potter," Edward spoke with certainty and ease. Charlie didn't believe it one bit, but that was probably because Edward was a boy.

"We were reading Harry Potter," I reiterated and refastened my ponytail as way to keep my hands steady.

"Of course," Charlie replied calmly but with a glint in his eye. It suddenly dawned on me that Charlie was amused. His eyes crinkled with humor and his mouth was quirked upward. I flushed.

"Anyway, so… Edward needs to go home now to… to eat. And I need to cook dinner, I lost track of time, so dinner might be a little late," I explained feebly.

"Why don't you join us, Edward," Charlie suggested. He seemed amused.

"No, he can't. Not today," I all but shoved Edward back to my room, where I panicked as I collected his things. Edward watched me, amused.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward wondered. I straightened myself.

"Yeah, sure!" I replied chipper. How could Edward be so oblivious? Couldn't he read Charlie's mind? Didn't he understand what Charlie was thinking was going on? Charlie thought Edward and me were… And we weren't. It wasn't like that. Edward and I hadn't even neared that part of our discussion, we'd slowly danced around it, and so I was definitely not ready for anyone to make assumptions. We had only just gotten to the friendship-stage, barely leaving the awkwardness behind us! I tried to backtrack mentally and emotionally. I needed to clear my head.

I felt hot and embarrassed, never having stood in this situation before. Edward didn't reply, but graciously accepted that I was kicking him out.

"I'm sorry… I forgot about the time. You met Charlie; I'm glad you did," I told Edward on the porch. My words were rushed and I still felt ludicrously pink.

"I am as well. See you tomorrow," Edward winked and me and moved to his car. I watched him drive off, feeling as if my heart was being constricted.

"So, Edward," Charlie startled me.

"Oh yeah. Study partner," I replied and entered the house again. I moved to the kitchen and Charlie followed me.

"He seems nice," Charlie continued.

"Uh huh," I replied vaguely.

"You like him," I stopped what I was doing and stared wildly at Charlie. He laughed at me. "Come on, Bella. It's pretty obvious. I don't mind if you were doing something else than homework in your room, as long as… well, you're being safe."

I stared at Charlie. "Dad! We were just studying. I promise. It's not like that. We're just friends." I hissed, still in panic. Was Edward far enough away or did he hear this? I knew I was panicking unnecessarily, but I think it might've been due to the seriousness of it all. It wasn't just a boy, it was Edward, and he was a vampire, and I could die, and, and, and... I couldn't deal with all the emotions.

"Bells, I'm glad you've gotten a boyfriend…" Charlie said calmly.

"We're not dating," I insisted, feeling like I wanted to escape to my room.

"But you want to," Charlie smirked at me. I fell silent and then I sighed. Edward had to know, there was no way he couldn't know, after all.

"Perhaps," I finally agreed. "But we're just friends right now, or trying to be…" I said.

Charlie moved towards me and kissed my hair. "I'm glad to see that you've gotten a friend." With that, Charlie sauntered into the living room, leaving me to gape after him.

My status as a social pariah had obviously not gone unnoticed by Charlie, though I had tried to shield him from knowing. I realized now that Charlie was so pleased to see me socialize, that it didn't matter if Edward was a boyfriend or friend, as long as he was willing to be near me. I felt a bit bad for Charlie; it must've been hard for him and he must've worried.

The rest of the evening was spent trying thinking about things. If Charlie could see that I was in love, then surely so could Edward. Edward hadn't said anything, and he was interested in continuing our friendship. I had to wonder, however, considering the dangers, that Edward would be unlikely to continue our friendship if he knew about my feelings and didn't return them. By that logic, Edward must feel _something_ for me, mustn't he?

I could always ask. I knew I would ask, eventually, but I wasn't ready for that conversation just yet. There was so many things overwhelming me, and I needed some stable ground before I tackled _that_ conversation.

* * *

Edward called Saturday morning, and Charlie picked it up.

"Hello _Edward_ ," Charlie raised his eyebrows at me, making me flush. He was enjoying this far too much.

"Hey Edward," I tore the receiver from Charlie's grasp, and Charlie laughed at me.

"Hello, Bella. I wanted to know if I could come by today - after work," Edward spoke from the other end and the butterflies in my stomach danced around.

"Yeah, sure. I'm off at 2pm," I replied. I looked at my watch and saw that there were hours till 2pm. We agreed to meet at my house at 3pm, and I hung up. Charlie had his body turned towards me in his seat and watched me, humored.

"You're finding this far too funny," I growled at him.

"I'm just happy. I worried, you know…" Charlie admitted and I felt guilty. I moved over to him and kissed the top of his head.

"I'm sorry," I told him.

"So, Edward's coming by later?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, after work. We're reading Harry Potter," I said, "for school," I noted how Charlie's eyes seemed to glint, but he held his tongue. Despite his amusement, I was his daughter and he wasn't supposed to want me to have fun with boys.

* * *

 **Regarding Charlie being open about Bella possibly having sex: I don't know how controversial it is in the States, but my father knew that he couldn't keep me from doing things, so he strove to ensure I took precautions and genereally ensured that I knew I could come to him and where to find knowledge if I needed it. Seeing as Charlie is a cop, I'd like to think he would do so same.**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review**


	11. Friends

**Thank you so much for your reviews, they totally make my day!**

 **If you have any concerns or questions don't hesitate to ask. Usually, I will try to either PM you or answer here.**

 **Cissan** writes that she misses deeper feelings from Bella's regarding Edward. Do not fret, they will be more pronounced later, but hopefully her attachment to him shines through via her dreams and that she constantly thinks of him. I tried to make it a bit subtle, since there are other themes in focus (such as her finding out his secret).

I'm glad that you all like her relationship with Charlie. I know where the story goes, but it's important to me to make the story rounded, rather than just rushing to the main event ;)

* * *

 **Chapter 11 - Friends**

Despite being busy at work, time felt like it passed infinitely slow. I alternated between thinking about Edward with excitement and feeling like a bad daughter, as I was to be willing to take such a risk. I _had_ made my choice, but I found it unavoidable to ignore the thoughts about Charlie, Renee and Phil and how they would take it if something happened to me. In moments when my thoughts became particularly morbid I pictured my own funeral if I had died in an _accident_. The morbidity made me sick, and I switched to pleasanter thoughts, such as Edward. Whenever I thought of him, I just _knew_ that I had to take that chance. It felt like my entire being was screaming for Edward, and any thoughts and fears I might have had was overridden.

In my last hour of work Edward surprised me by dropping by. My heart picked up speed, and I knew he must have heard it.

"Surprise," he grinned at me.

"Hey," I replied, instantly blushing. Blushing was happening far more frequently, and I had to remind myself that I was an ocean of calm. It had been so much easier when I had been angry with him. "I'm sorry for my father's thoughts," I felt I had to apologize, "he's just so happy that I have a friend," I said lamely.

"I have trouble hearing his thoughts, I think it's from him you get your mental muteness," Edward admitted. I breathed out, relieved. Edward noticed and grinned lightly. "I wonder what your mother's mind is like," Edward mused almost to himself.

Edward tailed me home in his car, and as I prepared to step out of my car, he was already by my side, opening my door like an old-fashioned gentleman. Then again, he was probably raised quite differently than I.

"So, I've been thinking," I said as we entered the house. Charlie wasn't home and I knew he was probably fishing or in La Push.

"What have you been thinking about?" Edward wondered indulgently. He was smiling at me and I realized he found my curiosity funny.

"Does wizards exists, too?" I wondered curiously.

Edward shook his head to himself and replied. "Not that I know of. But then again, vampires are stuff of legends, too." This time we settled on the living room floor.

"What _do_ you know?" I wondered.

"Well, werewolves exist. But they were hunted to near-extinction," Edward revealed.

"Why?" I wondered horrified.

"War between races. What are you thinking?" Edward wondered curiously.

"Well, I mean, werewolves shift only at full moon?" I asked and Edward nodded, "so they're regular people all other days, right? It seems a bit…" I pondered the words, "excessive, to hunt someone who basically is defenseless and not dangerous most of the time…"

Edward laughed lightly, "that's very kind of you, Bella. But once you're bitten by a werewolf you change, physically and mentally. Most werewolves are… monsters, even when not shifting," Edward said. "Or so I heard. I guess it's a bit like vampires. We're monsters, too, after all, all the time. Despite Carlisle being good, he's still a vampire…" his tone was pensive and brooding.

"How did vampires come to exist?" I wondered pensively, trying to distract him. I didn't like him thinking that he was a monster.

Shrugging, Edward said, "Evolution? We could've evolved just like everything else… From what I have gathered there was no supreme being that started everything. We have ancient vampires, but all were created, and their sires are dead…"

"How did they die? I thought you were immortal," I commented curiously.

"Throughout history there have been _many_ vampire wars, mostly in attempt to gain land and _feeding ground_. Most ancient vampires tend to stay out of any possible limelight, preferring a solitary living, the Volturi and very, very few other groups notwithstanding."

"How ancient is ancient?"

"Plus 1000 years, I suppose…" Edward's voice was calm, but his eyes were evaluating me. I really tried to school my expression, but it was impossible. My mouth hung open. 1000 years. I couldn't imagine living that long. The mere thought filled me both with horror and fascination.

"What are you thinking?" Edward begged, obviously worried about having scared me.

I opted for honesty, "I am both terrified at knowing you might get to see the end of the world, and at the same time in awe of the thought that you've seen so much, and will continue to do so. You might see when we get flying cars…" I said curiously. "In the last few hundred years' humanity has changed _so_ much, especially with the industrial and information ages. To see that must've been…" words failed me.

Something puzzled me and I changed track. "You said you think evolution created the vampire?" I wondered and he nodded "then, why do you see yourself as a monster? I don't think you're a monster," I told him. "you said evolution could've done this. I don't think the carnivorous animal is a monster for hunting other animals," I frowned.

"Nevertheless, we've all done things. Horrible things, well, except for Carlisle," Edward informed me. We were opening a subject that was new ground, and I knew that if I wanted Edward the Kind, I would have to deal with all the other Edwards as well. This Edward seemed to be a bit pessimistic. I'd already realized he had a low opinion of himself, but to see himself as a monster seemed quite excessive. I didn't like that he had such a lowly view of himself, and I vowed to try to change it.

"What did you do?" I wondered, though it was pretty obvious. I suspected he must've killed quite a few humans. Carlisle had briefly mentioned that Edward had had a rebellious period, and I was clever enough to understand the implication. Strangely, the knowledge didn't frighten me. I felt no fear of Edward.

"I don't want you to be scared," Edward admitted. He tried to change the subject, but I stopped him.

"You must've killed quite a few people. Tell me about it," I asked. I didn't know why I asked him to be explicit, but I didn't want Edward to suffer, or at least not to suffer alone. Perhaps I could help, being his friend and all. That was what friends did, right? Besides, it would help me understand and make sure I was informed. I told him as much, which seemed to make him relent.

"I could hear their thoughts, so I hunted the ones I thought deserved it. I hunted rapists, murderers. Criminals," Edward admitted with an emotionless tone. He hung his head. I considered his words. He had hunted criminals, not innocents. Despite the revelation, it did not bring relief, and I didn't think it was wise to focus on the kind of people he had killed. I doubted my opinion would make him feel better. Since I didn't condone the death penalty I found it morally wrong to say his actions were fine.

"What are you thinking?" Edward wondered hoarsely.

"What are YOU thinking?" I stalled.

"That I deserve Hell."

"Because you've killed?" I wondered.

"Because I'm a vampire, a soulless monster," he explained.

"Hmm… that sounds pretty discriminatory," I considered, hoping to sidetrack him from such glum thoughts. It worked as Edward stared at me bewildered before snorting.

"Discriminatory?" He reiterated.

"Well, yeah. I think it's wrong to assume that just because you are vampires you're doomed. I mean, look at Carlisle. He's never hurt anyone and he works as a doctor to help people," I pointed out. "To assume an entire species is doomed _is_ pretty discriminatory. Species discrimination," I explained, my voice calm and reasonable.

Edward laughed, but I could tell he looked startled at my speech.

"That is so absurd," He laughed.

"I don't think it is," I contemplated. "Edward, just like with other carnivorous animals you're not bad for eating what nature intended you to eat," I said. "I think it's not so much that you've killed people, but perhaps more about the manner of which you did it," I explained. He looked confused.

"The manner?"

"Yes… I mean, you have the brains to be compassionate. If you have to kill someone or something, do it humanely," I explained. "No need to make your intended meal suffer unnecessarily. Or did you do that?"

He looked disturbed, "Of course not."

"Oh," I replied. "I think that makes me feel better," I told him truthfully. "I mean, I've killed, too, though indirectly. I've killed the food I eat. And some of my food aren't in the best of conditions… Such as chickens… I mean, that's not humane or compassionate… It's not right. I really should be more eco-friendly," I said contemplatively.

"You're comparing vampires to eco-friendly humans?" Edward wondered confused. The look on his face was hysterical.

"No, well, depends. I mean, if you were humane about the killings you're probably better than most of humanity. We slaughter mindlessly, after all," I reasoned. "We treat our cattle inhumanely."

Edward considered this. "I've killed people, Bella. People aren't cattle," Edward intoned eventually, gauging my reaction. I was silent, thinking. Edward looked annoyed and I recognized the expression: it meant he wanted to know what was going on inside of my head.

"We're cattle to _you_. Do you think it's because you can't accept what you are - that you beat yourself up about it, still?" I wondered curiously.

"I'm fine with being a vampire," Edward assured me while rolling his eyes.

Frowning, I questioned, "are you?" I stared into his eyes, hoping he could see what I saw. A man who tortured himself mentally for something that isn't his fault. He can't let go of the accidents, because he doesn't accept his role in them as a vampire. I realized I would do my best to help him be better. The thought of Edward thinking so lowly of himself was almost painful. Edward deserved to smile always. I _wanted_ to make sure he could always smile. The thought filled me with a surge of loving emotion.

"Another thing, if that's ok?" I asked and he nodded almost resigned. "Say you _are_ a soulless monster for being a vampire, how does that fit into the whole Hell and Heaven thing? Doesn't that imply that, once turned, your soul departs for either Hell or Heaven depending on your life as a human? And if that's so, nothing you do now will affect your soul, and you should not worry about Hell, because there's nothing inside of you that can go there…" I considered philosophically.

I wasn't sure if Edward understood what I meant, but he was quiet, brooding - again. He didn't answer my question and the silence stretched.

"May I ask something else?" I wondered. Edward rolled his eyes and gestured for me to ask. "Why do you keep to yourself at school?"

"We don't want to hurt anyone. We don't want to be monsters, to roam the earth with no purpose" Edward explained.

"But you're not actually managing. I mean, Carlisle manages to work his dream at the hospital. But you attend high school after high school, never actually getting involved. It's kind of counterproductive to your goal, isn't it?" I was surprised that he didn't see the flaw himself, but perhaps I had missed something crucial.

"You want us to… go to parties? Make human friends?" Edward wondered shocked. He'd made friends with me, I wanted to point out. But I didn't want to talk about _us_.

"Well, I do prefer to have you all to myself," I admitted with a massive blush before I could filter my thoughts. Edward grinned at me hugely and I quickly continued, "You are teenagers, you and your siblings, that's what you should do. But instead, you're not embracing your vampire side, and you're not embracing your human side, so, in a way, you linger between the two, undecided," I explained poorly.

"I think I get what you mean. But it's hard to say goodbye," he shrugged, "so we avoid it," I didn't want to ask about our goodbye, and I pushed it from my mind. The mere thought seemed painful and it was amazing how quickly attached I had become to him, despite just being friends.

"But then what's the point of going to school? You could do so many other things. It's not like high school embodies what humanity is about, or I seriously hope not," I argued. "What is the point in trying to be human, when you don't actually try?"

Edward was still again.

"I guess we have to do something to keep our humanity in place," he shrugged, but I could see he was embarrassed. "So you think we should get more involved?"

"I think getting more involved would make you feel more human. I can say that I'm 100% human, but being an outsider makes me feel… alone," I admitted uncomfortably. Edward looked chagrined. "I was alone in Arizona, too," I added for his benefit. "I've never fitted in anywhere. I've never had friends. But it meant I always felt out of step with the rest of my peers," I informed him. "Regarding your worry about saying goodbye: people rarely stay friends with after high school, anyway."

"I guess it makes sense. Except, of course, if you participated and someone cut themselves nothing would happen, whereas I would likely eat them," and he smiled his crooked smile, despite the dark conversation.

I snorted, and then I was disturbed, "Oh no!"

"What?!" Edward said anxiously.

"Can you tell… I mean, when… you know… girls are… Does that make you want to?"

Edward started laughing. He seemed a little embarrassed. I flushed tomato red.

"No, it's a valid question. I'm sorry for laughing," Edward apologized. "We can tell, but it's not edible and we don't feel like eating you. The blood smells stale," he admitted.

"Okay, back on track," I said quickly, "but being in a school still means accidents can happen. Someone can cut themselves everywhere, so it's a risk you're already taking now," I argued again.

"I agree, but no point in taking more chances than we already are. Another thing is my mind-reading ability. It's not easy being around people whose mind you can read. Often teenagers, and adults, are kind of jerks. But especially teenagers. I'm sorry that I made you become excluded at school, but in a way I'm glad, too. They're not nice people. Jessica and Lauren are terrible people." Edward admitted truthfully.

"I know they're vain," I told him, "but Edward, you, of all people, should know that despite people's cruel thoughts they don't actually act on them, right? How many times haven't Lauren wanted to slap me, but not done it? How many times has Jessica imagined you and her together, but never actually jumped you?"

"What would you know about that?" Edward wondered with a smile.

"It's pretty clear on her face," I grinned.

"I-I haven't considered that," Edward said thoughtfully. He looked uncomfortable.

"I just think it's important to listen what people say out loud, rather than what they think… We all think terrible thoughts sometimes," I admitted, thinking back to the days I wanted to hurt Edward for being a jerk. "Most of what we think isn't translated into words or actions, after all."

Oddly enough Edward's mood seemed to drop after that, and he said he had to go. I hoped I hadn't ruined something, but decided I would find out whenever he was ready to talk again.

* * *

Sunday morning dawned and the doorbell rang after Charlie had left. I assumed it was Edward, and hurried to open. To my surprise Alice was there instead of Edward.

"Hello Bella," Alice greeted me enthusiastically. She gave me a quick hug and strode past me into the house. She looked around curiously.

"Hello Alice. Would you like to come in?" I wondered automatically, despite her being inside already.

"Thanks, Bella," Alice grinned.

"So, since you know about us I thought I'd have a chat with you alone. Girl to girl. I sent Edward out to hunt, he needed it," Alice explained easily. I had noticed his eyes were black.

"Oh," I replied intelligently. "He really should hunt more often, you all should, considering your positions."

"I agree," Alice said. "So, what are we doing today?" Alice wondered while looking around the small house. I shrugged, uncertain of what Alice wanted to do. She seemed so exuberant and I wasn't sure if the house could contain her.

"What do you want to do, Alice?" I wondered curiously.

"Well, we could talk. There's something I'd like to share," she confessed. I gestured for her to sit on the sofa and I took a seat with her.

"Can I get you something?" I asked her out of politeness. Alice laughed a tinkling laugh, but shook her head.

"So, what are your thoughts on all of this?" Alice wondered. Her eyes were brimming with curiosity.

I considered her question and how to respond as simple as possible. "I guess… I don't understand _why_ you do it. I know Edward said you don't want to be monsters, but then why the bad charade?" I cocked my head to the side, contemplating if there was more I wanted to add. But this seemed to be the core.

"It _is_ silly, isn't it? You made Edward think a lot yesterday. Actually, you made us all think a lot. We've been so busy trying to _not_ be monsters, that we didn't even try to be human. I know we're not human, of course, but we pretend in order to not lose our humanity… And in the process we kind of lost both things," Alice confessed while she crossed her legs and corrected her dress.

"None of us realized it until you said it," and then she grinned, "you should've seen Edward yesterday. He was completely out of it when he got home," she laughed again.

"What happened?" I asked confused and somewhat worried. I recalled his subdued behavior.

"Well, Edward has always judged people from their thoughts, but you reminded him that only a small percentage of those thoughts are converted into actions. Is it right to judge someone on something they technically never did? What is goodness, really? If everyone has nasty thoughts once in a while does that, inadvertently, make us all bad people?" Alice wondered philosophically. "I think you changed the way he looks at others…"

"I didn't know my words had such an effect," I admitted.

"It's a good thing. I think he realized that he can be a bit cruel to others because he's judging them on their thoughts, not on their actual actions. Before he even greets a person he has already judged them and usually found them lacking..." Alice shrugged. "You've really made him think about things," Alice revealed, but she sounded pleased.

"As long as that's good," I shrugged.

"I wanted to share something with you," Alice settled into the sofa better. "Edward told you I can see the future, yes?" Alice wondered and I nodded.

"Yes, it's pretty strange…" I agreed, "I think I've already experienced your gift quite a few times," I noted. Alice simply smiled, but it occurred to me there might be much more I wasn't told of, yet.

"Do you want to know something?" Alice questioned happily and I laughed lightly and nodded.

"I saw you arriving here in Forks. I saw us become friends," she revealed. "I see the weather, I see stocks, I see fashion trends…." she listed off a bunch of things, but I was interested in the first few things she'd mentioned, and I was certain she was aware.

"You saw me?" I asked. I realized the implication of what that meant.

"I saw the impact you'd have on our family. But then, Edward ruined it," Alice admitted bothered. "I mean, when he spoke in biology everything just fell apart."

I couldn't imagine that. "I, I don't know what to say," I replied, uncertain.

"Until someone makes a choice, I see possible futures all the time. Nothing is set in stone." Alice explained.

"We vampires change very rarely. Initially we're solitary and selfish creatures, not that being selfish is a bad thing, mind you, just that we only look out for ourselves. Even in a family such as ours, change demands a lot from us, which is hard… So, when I saw you, saw the impact you'd have, I wanted to meet you… Then Edward…" Alice fell silent again. I noticed she was sitting very still, now.

It was a lot to take in.

"How much is actually a surprise, then?" I wondered, my throat dry. I knew she had seen my decision to talk to them, and to become friends, but how far did her gift stretch?

"When it comes to you most if a surprise. Somehow you elude my vision. But, some decisions are far-reaching, such as when you decided to be our friend. I saw that," she smiled a small smile. "I saw your decision to speak to Edward, and while you prepared your questions he prepared his answers," Alice told me. "He used his ability to see my visions," she explained. I hadn't considered that.

"The future is a bit blurry when it comes to you. I have trouble seeing you, I don't know why, but you're immune to Edward and Jasper's powers. Edward can't get anything from your mind, and Jasper has trouble reading your emotions. It's like you keep a tight rein on them," Alice explained, and then she giggled, "though he had no trouble reading them when he dropped me off on our first day of school." I remembered it very clearly and I flushed. My heart picked up at the thought of seeing Edward that first day, and my blush deepened. Alice laughed lightly.

"Oh," I replied numbly. "Jasper can manipulate emotions. Can you influence the future?"

Alice sighed, "I know you probably think we've been manipulating you, but we haven't. You've been so aggressive, and we could hardly get near you. The future was so uncertain. There were always two possibilities: either you'd get angry or you wouldn't, and I wouldn't know which one until I tried, because you are kind of a blind spot to me, and if we took the chance and you got angry we lost ground, so to speak. It was impossible to tell how you'd react."

She continued: "Sometimes I was sure if I tried to right what Edward did wrong everything would be OK, but I could tell trying to do anything would be unproductive. I had to let it run its course by itself. I tried to be kind, or neutral, instead, so that at least, towards me, you'd feel no animosity…" She trailed off.

"I guess I was a bit aggressive… he just… riled me up," I admitted truthfully. Alice laughed lightly. "It's not even funny, you know. I was never violent until I met him," I told her and we both laughed.

"So… What do you see now?" I asked, curious. Alice regarded me for a second and I busied my hands with a pillow.

"Some futures can change; some things aren't set in stone. Some things _are_ …" She offered me a choice and I knew what she was talking about. My heart picked up and I tried to think straight.

"Perhaps another time," I replied trying to contain the shiver running through me. I wanted to know, but I knew I wasn't emotionally ready for any big revelation yet, and I could tell Alice understood, perhaps even knew before I'd answered her. She offered me a smile, and I knew she understood.

"So, Edward gives you no privacy, you see the future and Jasper can tell if you're PMS'ing?" I summed it up.

Laughing, Alice added, "Jasper can also manipulate emotions, but that's about it," she grinned and I nodded.

"But that's kind of a pretty handy skill," I mused.

"Yeah, but living with Edward since we met you has been kind of a pain," Alice admitted. "Has Edward told you _why_ he was so rude first day of class?" Alice wondered.

"He mentioned something about me smelling extra yummy," I recalled our conversation.

"Well, it's a little more than that, you need to understand. Think of human blood as food, but then there's this favorite dish, which is just mouthwatering. You can't help but eating it," Alice said.

"Ice-cream," I said instantly.

"Yes, but worse. Because you don't run down to the market to buy ice cream all the time, do you?" Alice wondered and I shook my head.

"This scent is so appealing that we lose all our senses. There is no logic, no focus on anything else," Alice explained.

"Sounds horrible," I admitted uncertain. "This is what I smell like to you?"

"No. Just to Edward. To him your blood is the very thing he never knew he needed, and now utterly craves," Alice explained. I sighed, wondering what it meant.

"He's not befriending me in hopes that I will offer my blood, right?" I whispered, a lump in my throat. I had understood that Edward found my blood very delicious, but I hadn't realized just how delicious that was.

"No, he ran off because of your blood. He came back because of _you_ ," Alice said. He hadn't known me then, but it seemed obvious he felt the same pull I did. The pull that made us come back, made us accept reckless things, just to be _friends_. A fleeting thought mused that I might not need Alice's vision to tell the future.

"Oh," I replied eloquently. Edward had already said much of this, but hearing it from Alice made it somehow more real.

"It's quite amazing, really," Alice added, "I can't even imagine such a delicious scent. Emmett has experienced it once, and he ended up eating her… But Edward's tried leaving several times, but he always came back, and each time he seemed more _resolved_."

"He must have quite the self-control," and I understood now why I, especially, needed to be extra careful. Blood can be spilled without sending them into a frenzy, or they will at least recover quickly, but spill my blood and all hope would be over. "Better be careful then," I concluded. Alice rolled her eyes.

"Well, under normal circumstances yes, but this is… You _really_ do smell nice. Even I can tell, though it's definitely not the same pull as with Edward."

"He looked at me with so much hate," I remembered the first day. It was hard to talk about that time with Alice, but at least she would understand. Who else could I talk to?

"I saw several scenarios that day," Alice revealed. At my urging she continued, "I saw him leave you alone, I saw him kill everyone and then you, and then I saw him stalk you after class, kill you in the woods or at your home," I swallowed.

"Wow."

"You're taking things pretty well," Alice noted.

"I'm trying," I admitted. "I need to know, after all. I believe that knowledge is power. If you were to eat me now, purely by accident, I need you to know that it was my choice as well, that I went into this with both eyes open," I told her severely. She looked very touched. "I don't like to ignore the bad stuff. I don't want to dance around on a grassy field and pretend that everything is Disney-perfect." Alice laughed lightly, but seemed to agree with me. I knew I was already skating over quite a few subjects, but I did vow to come back to them when I was more ready. I didn't want to drown in information and feelings.

Moving on to more pleasing topics, or so I thought, I asked Alice about her life and how she met Jasper.

"Edward only mentioned that you came to live with them together, and that both you and Jasper acquired _awareness_ before you met Carlisle. You don't remember being human, he said," I told her, and I tried to be factual rather than sad on her behalf.

"He said that?" Alice wondered, "hmm…" She fell silent.

"What?" I wondered.

"I think Edward has skipped a bit in the story about me," Alice admitted. "I don't remember being human, but a few months ago, before the summer vacation, we were playing baseball… Three nomads passed by. They heard the commotion and wanted to play," Alice fell silent and I worried about the horror story she was bringing on me.

"What happened?" I whispered. I was surprised at the protectiveness I felt towards her. I worried for her. As that thought struck me a stronger worry surged through me: protectiveness for Edward. Where had he been?

"One of the nomads remembered me. Edward heard his mind and told me everything he saw afterwards," Alice admitted sadly.

"I don't understand," I whispered quietly. Alice seemed lost for a second.

"One of the nomads we met was called James. He was a tracker and he lived to hunt. Edward saw that James recognized me from when I was human. I was institutionalized by my parents due to visions, and a vampire at the asylum, Abraham, kept me safe. James took it as a challenge and tried to get to me, but Abraham changed me before James got to me…" Alice said in a rush. "Abraham was murdered by James…"

I could tell she was affected and I gently patted her shoulder, hoping to convey comfort. She seemed to get better.

"That's awful," I whispered saddened.

"Yes. Edward told me all he had found in James' mind after the game was done. James had killed Abraham, but left me alone," Alice said. "I- well-" Alice fell silent and I wondered what had happened. "I got my revenge," she finally admitted.

I felt as if my heart had been beating furiously, but now it was calm again. I was surprised at how _pleased_ I was on Alice's behalf.

"Good," I replied. "But how do you kill a vampire? You seem so indestructible," I commented.

"Our venom, though perfect in almost every way, has one flaw: it's highly flammable," Alice told me. I laughed at the incredulity of it.

"Seriously?" I whispered shocked.

"Yes. Though, mind you, it will take quite a lot to get to our venom, since our bodies are so strong… Anyway, we laid out a plan and, between Edward, Jasper and my own powers, it was pretty easy. We ripped James and Victoria to threads and burned the pieces," she told me factually. I stared at her. Surely someone would've noticed such a fight, but I remember nothing of the sort. I didn't even remember not seeing them at school. Wouldn't someone have noticed if a couple of vampires got into a fight?

"Victoria?" It sounded like such a normal and innocent name.

"It was his mate. She had the gift of evasion. Or running off. I don't know. Suffice to say she complicated things. But perhaps it was best that way," Alice commented.

"Mate? And what about the last nomad?" I wondered. Edward hadn't told me about mates.

"The last one was Laurent. He went to meet up with some of our extended family." Alice said.

"Mates?" I pushed, unthinkingly.

"Edward didn't tell you?" Alice said, though it sounded more to herself, "We mate for life."

I stared at her for a few seconds. "Wow… that seems… very absolute," I admitted. Alice giggled.

"Yes, very Romeo and Juliet," Alice grinned, clearly recalling our first conversation after the vacation. It felt like so long ago, yet it was only two weeks' time.

"But seriously? Mate for life? There are no others, then?" I wondered. As much as I admired the idea, in reality it sounded crazy. But then again, my parents were divorced.

"Oh we can fool around as much as humans, if we're so inclined, but once we meet our mate that's it. There are no others. It's forever. I mentioned how we rarely change, right? One thing that can definitely change a vampire is meeting our mate. Someone so precious that we're willing to change ourselves to accommodate another being," Alice explained.

Something tingled in the back of my mind. We were reaching dangerous territory again, and questions that I wasn't ready for was slowly pushing their way forward. I pushed back, not ready to acknowledge something so huge like that. I needed to take one step at the time, not rush forward.

"Seems kind of nice," I finally responded. Alice seemed at ease, as if my crazy imagination was simply that: crazy. I deflated mentally and tried to relax. I couldn't help but wonder what that meant. I wanted so much to ask, but what if the answer was not to my liking? Was I ready for that? And what if it _was_? For now, I decided, I would go slow and not rush it.

I pressed Alice for more information about her and Jasper, how they met and what she'd done before the Cullens. It helped me re-focus. Alice loved to talk, especially about Jasper, and I enjoyed listening to her.

I'd had a great time with Alice, who, after the initial traumatizing conversations, had been lots of fun. It was really nice to get to know her, and I found, to my surprise, that she seemed like someone I could easily be friends with. Mostly, she seemed so much herself, if it was impossible not to like.

I'd introduced her to Charlie, who seemed ridiculously pleased that I was making friends, and he really seemed to like Alice, too.

Alice spent most of the day with me, and when she left she winked at me conspicuously, which I didn't understand until I got to my room.

* * *

 **I know it might seem like the Cullens are really stupid, and they're not, but I really feel that they focused _so much_ of their energy into not being monsters, that they simply didn't think about being more human, or even considered the possibility that being more human might help with the bloodlust (becoming desensitized). **

**In the books, the bloodlust is a constant thing in the back of all their minds, so I see it like a constant reminder of the danger they pose, which they use much of their energy to keep in check. It's only because Bella is a human and smell like she does to Edward, that Edward realized he had to desensitize himself. This is technically what Carlisle did, too, in order to work at the hospital.**

 **They've been so focused at being good vegetarians that they didn't consider how Carlisle had done what he did. In the books, it's explained as if Carlisle is simply more compassionate than the rest, when, in reality, it simply might be that he was "just" so focused on being able to do what he loved (being a doctor), that he managed to desensitize himself.**

 **Of course, there's also the fact that Change is difficult for vampires, which bring us back to Alice's Preface, where she mentions the affect Bella will have on the family.**

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 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please leave a review. Next chapter will be up next week :)**


	12. Boundaries

**I decided when I wrote the story to ignore canon timeline, such as James and Victoria. I read re-writes where the exact same thing happens as in the books, and I thought it shouldn't be like that with my story, since her reactions makes her unable to be in some of the same places, and making her end up in the same places might make it seem forced.**

 **Stuff WILL happen later on, dangerous stuff, but right now a lot of other things needs to happen too. I'm going slow :)**

 **You will find that Bella needs Edward less to be her savior, but more to be her partner and mate. In the books it felt like, to me, that Bella couldn't even walk straight without Edward holding her hand.**

 **The story is pre-written, and each week I polish and prepare the next chapter, and I have a lot! The chapters are usually around 7-13 pages long.**

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 **Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews! 3**

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Chapter 12 - Boundaries

 _I'd had a great time with Alice, who, after the initial traumatizing conversations, had been lots of fun. It was really nice to get to know her, and I found, to my surprise, that she seemed like someone I could easily be friends with. Mostly, she seemed so much herself, if it was impossible not to like._

 _I'd introduced her to Charlie, who seemed ridiculously pleased that I was making friends, and he really seemed to like Alice, too._

 _Alice spent most of the day with me, and when she left she winked at me conspicuously, which I didn't understand until I got to my room._

* * *

"Oh!" I nearly shrieked.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Edward whispered quietly by the window. I listened for signs that Charlie had heard me, but all was silent except from the sports commentary on the TV.

"You're in my room, on the first floor, in the late evening," I emphasized, though still shocked. It was the first time a boy, who I had a crush on, had ever been to my room, though technically Edward wasn't a boy, which was a pretty silly thought to be having, I realized.

Edward looked embarrassed as he tussled his bronze hair. I calmed down, and despite my initial reaction I _was_ glad to see him. My heart was still beating furiously, but now it was due to his presence, rather than surprise. I was sure he must think something was wrong with me, since my heart always beat so fast near him. Or perhaps he knew about my crush.

"Sorry, I… I promised I'd come by, but Alice sent me hunting," he explained hesitantly. I wondered if this kind of behavior was normal for vampires.

"so you broke into my room? That's a little stalker-ish," I snorted, but I was joking to lighten the mood, though Edward didn't seem to notice.

"I just wanted to let you know I was back," Edward admitted. I looked past him curiously and wondered how he'd gotten up here, but then again, from what I'd seen so far I doubted it had ever been a problem for him.

"Don't leave on my account," I told him easily, and gestured for him to take a seat. He closed the window and sat gingerly in the rocking chair in the corner of my room. It seemed absurd to see him like that. In my utterly normal room he resembled something from a fiction novel than anything real. It made everything next to him seem so incredibly plain, even myself. He sent me a radiant smile that made my heart melt.

"So, is breaking into the bedrooms of young defenseless girls a habit of yours?" I winked at him and grinned easily. He seemed more at ease when I teased him, and looking back I understood why, considering how angry I'd been before. He probably expected a full blown assault.

"No, just yours," he teased me back with a humored glint in his eye. "I like to watch you sleep".

I could tell immediately that Edward understood he had made a mistake. For just a brief moment, I felt the world had stopped, and I stared at him frozen.

"What?" I whispered horrified, all the ease from our banter gone. There was something utterly wrong about this picture and I swallowed thickly as I tried to contain the sudden discomfort I felt.

"I- I didn't mean it like that. I mean, not in here. I've only been in here a few times, just to smell and test myself, but you weren't here. I sometimes sit outside and watch you sleep, just to be near you…" Edward fell silent and I could see that his expression indicated that he understood how _wrong_ it sounded. "Are you very angry?" He whispered worriedly. I wasn't flattered that he was watching me when I slept, but I _had_ noted when he said 'just to be near you', which almost let the steam out. _Almost_.

"Edward," I struggled for words, "I'm not angry… I'm _horrified_ ," I finally managed to whisper. I couldn't believe he had watched me sleep. "How many times have you… _watched me sleep_?"

"A few times. I'm sorry," he whispered forlornly. He looked at me wretchedly.

"Are you? You don't seem to understand. Edward, you're a vampire. Freakishly strong and fast…. I- I can't _fight_ you… I can't fight you off… I'm putting my life on the line and you're basically stalking me. What if I hadn't wanted to be friends? What if I disagree with you? I can't get away from you…" I was rambling now, but I was realizing how vulnerable I really was and it was terrifying. "You cross my boundaries and there's _nothing_ I can do to stop you…" I felt panicked and cornered at the thought.

Edward was with me in seconds, "Please…" he gently brushed my hand, but I pulled back unthinkingly.

"I didn't think of it like that," he said painfully. "I'm so sorry, I won't ever do it again," he promised me and moved back to the chair to give me space. He seemed to curl together in my rocking chair.

"I need to be able to trust you, in parts due to us being friends, but also since my _life_ is on the line. All the physical power lies with you, so I _need_ some form of power. I'm trusting you with my _life_ , and I need to know that that trust isn't misplaced," I told him severely as I paced. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to straighten my mind. I felt like begging; I needed something to hold onto, because now I could clearly see how easy it would be to drown in the mythical world, and I wasn't strong like them. I couldn't fight them off. I needed the illusion of independence; I needed to be able to trust him.

"Yes, you're right. I didn't think," he replied sadly. He looked like he was fighting with himself internally, and I wondered what he was trying to convey. "It's so stupid. I never think when it comes to you," he admitted in frustration. "You should be able to trust me..." He whispered.

For a few seconds a very uncomfortable silence reigned. I grasped for something to say, but I could find nothing.

"I don't ever want to hurt you. I really want your trust," Edward told me sincerely. His eyes stared into mine unblinkingly, making me feel strangely dazed. At the same time, I believed him. He looked wretched at the thought of me hating him.

"Good, because I'd be _screwed_ if you didn't," I told him honestly to break the dazed feeling. Edward winched. "Please don't watch me sleep anymore," I asked of him.

"I promise," Edward told me sincerely and I nodded.

"I talk in my sleep," I knew I was talkative in my sleep and I wondered if he'd heard anything. From his expression I could tell he had.

"I-" he held his tongue, but I rolled my eyes at him. A bit too late to keep secrets now. "I heard you whisper my name," he looked embarrassed, "that's what brought me back, made me decide to tell you everything if you asked. I heard you whisper my name and I just…" he looked hopeless as he sat there in my rocking chair, both forlorn and embarrassed and unable to explain himself. He looked more man than vampire right now.

"So, this is awkward," I decided to acknowledge the awkwardness and Edward sent me a strained smile. "Let's talk about something else…" I wracked my brain trying to find a suitable topic.

"How's your mother? Do you talk to her often?" Edward grasped for information.

"A few times a week. We talk via e-mail, since she's kind of … distracted, and often forgets to charge her phone," I replied. Talking about my mother was easy and the discomfort dissipated.

After two hours we were back to _normal_ and I was beginning to get tired. Edward left, but promised he'd come back tomorrow, unless I minded, which I told him I didn't, as long as he gave me my privacy when I slept and respected my boundaries.

My sleep that night was restless. I dreamed about Edward, though this time the nightmare was of him chasing me, toying with me and humiliating me. I was unable to get away from him.

When I awoke I remembered the dream, and knew it was a result of my boundaries having been so thoroughly crossed yesterday. In reality, I was pretty sure Edward wouldn't hurt me, but I understood now that I didn't actually trust him. I hoped he would earn that trust quickly, and that he would keep it.

* * *

Monday started with Charlie peeking his head into my room, telling me that 2 teachers were out, leaving me with only gym today. I told him I'd stay home and he nodded in accept, probably thinking it was safest anyway. I wondered why Edward or Alice hadn't mentioned this yesterday, but then again, my conversation with both of them had been very intense, so I understood if both of them had been side-tracked.

Edward arrived after Charlie had already left for work, which suited me nicely.

"Sorry I didn't mention you could sleep in today…" Edward apologized as the first thing. I waved away his apology.

"So, what are we doing today, Spiderman?" I wondered casually.

"Superhero?" Edward said with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't flatter yourself. You climb impossible places and are not necessarily welcome," I stuck out my tongue at him, which made him grin. The awkwardness from yesterday was behind us.

"Ahhh," Edward said understandingly. "I really do promise I won't ever do something like that again. And if I do something regarding you I will tell you beforehand," Edward swore, "I seem to get a little unstable around you," he admitted.

In a way, it was flattering knowing that I made him unstable, ignoring the whole stalker-part of course. He made me unstable as well.

"You and me both," I told him, "you know, I was never violent until I met you," I told him and he rewarded me with a laugh.

"Must be my winning personality," he replied jokingly. We settled into the couch in the living room. "But the weather will be better later," Edward told me.

"Talking about the weather?" I said incredulously. Of all the weird things we could talk about.

Laughing, Edward said, "I'd like to show you something. Remember I said the sun doesn't burn us?" He asked me. I nodded eagerly, wondering what happened. Whatever it was it would explain why they weren't at school on sunny days.

"How exciting," I told him interestedly.

"I thought we could go to a special place of mine. It's private and I can show you," Edward said almost shyly. I was touched that he would share something private with me, and I nodded eagerly, which obviously pleased him.

We lounged around the house, reading Harry Potter, until noon, where we took Edward's Volvo to the outskirts of town, where there was a trail, apparently.

"Must be your vampire eyes, because I don't see anything," I told him, trying to locate the trail. I guess that there were a few less things on the ground where we walked, but calling it a trail seemed a bit farfetched.

"It's less clustered here," he acknowledged my mental assumption. I tripped and was about to crash to the ground, but Edward reached me easily in time. My heart skipped a beat and I flushed.

Brushing off the embarrassment, I said, "so, I'm clumsy normally and in here I'm likely to kill myself," I warned him. He laughed again, this time louder and much more free. Despite being a never-aging being, I swore Edward looked almost younger, or perhaps just more carefree. It was really nice to see.

"Don't worry, I'm here to catch you," he promised me while staring intensely into my eyes. _Gulp_ , I thought to myself.

"How long does it take you to get there normally?" I asked, trying to redirect the conversation and break our gazes. It worked, and I felt slightly lightheaded. I wondered if his ability to bind me with his eyes was a vampire thing, or just him. I hadn't stared at Alice or Carlisle like this.

"A few minutes," Edward revealed. I stared at him. I knew he could run fast. "If you like I can carry you," he grinned at me.

Rolling my eyes, I replied, "I think I'll take my chances on walking," I said, embarrassed by the notion of being carried.

"You could weigh a ton and I probably wouldn't notice," Edward said temptingly.

"Because of your massive biceps," I poked his arms in fun - they were hard as rock. "How far if we walk?"

"With you? I'd say an hour," Edward considered with a laugh. I rolled my eyes and made my decision.

"Very well, giddy up," I replied and prepared myself. Edward held a secure grip on me. "Just don't hit any trees," I begged him. I could feel him laughing.

"You're so absurd," Edward announced, "and I want you to understand what I love about this, so we'll go slow, for now," he told me. It made me feel really good knowing that he was taking it slow to ensure I was with him all the way.

Of course, his version of slow was my version of pretty damn fast. We were running perhaps a bit slower than my car, and I could easily see our surroundings. Being in a forest, however, made the experience terrifying. He flashed between trees, and I didn't get how he could even notice them so fast.

I think he could tell I wasn't entirely OK, so he slowed down a bit more. By the time he stopped, I was feeling somewhat sick.

"I don't get how you don't hit the trees," I admitted as way of explanation.

"Our reaction time is zero. By the time you realize there's a tree, I've seen it long before and will be able to prepare accordingly. Or rather, have already prepared accordingly," Edward explained. I nodded feeling only slightly jealous.

Briefly I wondered if I could challenge that somehow.

I managed to get off Edward, though not so ladylike. Ahead, I could tell there was a clearing, and the discomfort I'd felt was replaced with eagerness.

"We're here?" I asked, stepping past Edward. I saw him nod, and follow me to the outskirts of a meadow. It looked so beautiful in the later summer. It was a bit sad that the weather wasn't always sunny, as a place such a this obviously deserved the light.

As that thought struck me the light shone through the clouds, and the meadow lit up beautifully, making me gasp. Without thinking I stepped into the light, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face. The meadow looked like a fairytale, or from a Disney movie: untamed, wild, and absolutely beautiful.

A sparkle caught my eyes and I turned slightly to see what Edward meant: he lit up like a small star, sparkling in all directions.

Were I not so shocked at the sight I might've laughed at the craziness.

"You sparkle," I observed, unable to tear my eyes away from the sparkling skin. "You're like a star," I said.

"Really? Most think we resemble diamonds," Edward admitted. I stared at him, but I understood what he meant.

"I'll have to say diamond makes it seem less glamorous," I told him. It seemed girly, and Edward was not girly at all, even with sparkling skin. "But I suppose it's because you reflect the sunlight, rather than emit it yourself," I finally said.

"Hmm... diamond is just the wrong words," I continued observing him and he stood very still. I wondered if it would be OK to touch him.

"Can I?" I lifted my hands and he nodded. He stared at my hands with such intensity that I wanted to stop, but I slowly continued until I reached his skin on his arm. It was hard, like I knew it would be. The sparkles hadn't changed that.

His skin was also cold and smooth, and I could feel the electricity running between us. I wondered what it was. I had touched Alice yesterday and there had been no current.

I felt a little wobbly on my feet, so I pulled Edward down with me. The ground was hard and cold, but not wet, luckily. He sat transfixed as I touched his hands, tracing the lines over and over.

"Let me know if it's too much," I asked of him. I wasn't sure if it was from being touched by a human or my blood, but I could tell he looked strained.

"Yes," he replied with a very rough voice. I continued in obvious and predictable patterns, hoping that I wouldn't startle him. He closed his eyes eventually and looked so comfortable and at ease.

I contemplated his skin and my own reaction to it and I realized the nature of it. His skin somehow had a lure to it, like the anglerfish that lives in the deep sea and uses a lure of light to ensnare its prey. I felt drawn to the sparkling Edward, and I was sure that any human seeing him would approach him, rather than flee. Funny, the more innocent he looked, the more dangerous he was.

As I ran my fingers over his skin I felt the current follow. "Can you feel it?" I whispered quietly. He looked at me uncertain and I elaborated, "the electricity," my fingers caressed his hands and he breathed out deeply.

"You feel it too?" He whispered, almost surprised. His eyes bore into mine. I nodded, just to break the spell he put me under when he looked at me like this. It was so intense.

To break the ice, I cheekily said, "so, do you sparkle everywhere?" His eyes snapped open and he laughed loudly. I followed suit. It felt so easy to joke with him, and seeing him laugh made me want to always make him laugh.

Our gazes locked and then with a wink he said "yes." He grasped my hand, obviously signaling that it was his turn to explore my hands. I stared at him dumbfounded and then burst into giggles.

"So, tell me more about yourself," Insisted as our laughter died down.

"I think it's your turn," Edward smiled crookedly at me and my stomach knotted in excitement.

"It's not that interesting," I said, "Renee married Phil, and now they're looking for a permanent job for him," I replied informative. "she's a kindergarten teacher, which suits her well, since she's very young at heart," I added. "Charlie is the complete opposite. He's stable and serious," I considered my dad, "he and I are very similar," I said.

"What about your family?" I wondered and Edward rolled his eyes at my poor attempt to move on.

"That was very little," Edward laughed at me, "how did she and Phil meet? When did Charlie and her get divorced? Did you ever visit your father? And when is YOUR birthday?" Edward launched his questions at me and I laughed lightly at his enthusiasm for getting to know such boring details.

"The last is easiest: my birthday is September 13th, so you just missed it," Edward looked chagrined at the thought of missing my birthday, but I had never been one for celebration, so celebrating with Charlie had been perfect, as he'd handed me two presents without a fuss.

I continued quickly. "My parents they got divorced when I was very little, around 1, I think. Renee has always been flighty; she loves adventures and she's very spontaneous. When she met Charlie it was love at first sight, but slowly the days became monotone for her. Getting a child was exciting, but it was hard for her to stay in Forks, because there's so little to do. She hated the rain and the cold. Charlie had to stay because he had just become a cop and his mother, his only living parent, was sick…" I considered my words.

"It makes Renee sound really awful," I admitted uncomfortably. "I love her a lot, despite everything," I quickly added. "She dated very rarely, and I never met them. It was only when I was older that I even realized she had dated at all. She always made sure I was her priority," I told Edward. "When she met Phil it was unavoidable," I laughed a little at the memory.

"How come?" Edward wondered eagerly.

"I saw she was in love before she realized it herself, I think. She adored him; the way she looked at him… He was everything she wanted in a man. His life was exciting; the baseball-thing allowed him to move often. He was young and adventurous," I said.

Adding, I said, "I always felt awkward with Charlie, because I only visited a few weeks each summer. We'd talk throughout the year, but conversation was always stifling, because we're both very private and shy…. Coming here was the best decision I ever made," I suddenly added. I felt the truth of my words resonate within me. "I love Charlie a lot and I am beyond grateful for having gotten the chance to know him better," I smirked at Edward, "all thanks to you," I winked at him and he ducked his head in embarrassment.

For a few seconds I let myself be swept away in the memories

Eventually I asked, "do you remember your human family?"

Edward told about what he remembered. He talked about his father and his mother, who had both died just before he had been turned. He talked about the dreams he had had as a human, about joining that war and proving himself.

"Hmm… Carlisle said that the likes and dislikes you have when you're changed are still present as a vampire… How do you feel the need to join the military as a human affected you as a vampire?" I wondered curiously.

"Hmm…" Edward said as he considered things. "I think, in light of our conversation last time, I would say my need to do the right thing stayed strong after my transformation," Edward admitted, "when I… _went off the wagon_ , I killed people who I thought deserved it. When I was human I wanted to go to war, not just for glory, but to protect the innocent people who didn't deserve be murdered. I was very idealistic, which created quite a few tense moments in the household," Edward explained. I opened my mouth in awe as it seemed like a very noble thing to do.

"I didn't consider that," I whispered quietly, almost sad. Edward looked at me confused and I elaborated, "I didn't think eating humans, despite their transgressions, were good. You took them off the streets, however. Sure, I don't support the death sentence, but I can't help but feel like you did the right thing taking them off the streets. So many innocent people were spared… you have the ability to stop them, after all. You can hear their minds. Right now, people are being murdered and raped, and no one can stop up until it's too late…"

"Humanity is a flock-animal, so to speak. When someone breaks the rules we have a natural inclination to want them punished," Edward said. "I've come to think that being humane, however frustrating that might be, is best, because once we lose that humanity we lose sight of ourselves. Imagine a society that gives no second chances, that allows no room for error…" I nodded in understanding.

"But still, to be able to hunt down the man that hurt you or someone else must be really… satisfying," I finally said.

"No one said we had to drink the criminals or kill them," Edward pointed out, "I could've just left them with the police. Of course, that would mean I would have to gather evidence..." For a while we sat pondering our own things. I wondered about the vigilante aspect and about doing what is right, when going above the law is so easy.

"Am I selfish for not sending you out in the streets to protect people while wearing a cape?" I wondered. Edward laughed lightly.

"Only if I am selfish for wanting to stay here," he replied and I blushed and my heart stuttered.

Our heavy conversation lightened, and I asked him more about our first interactions.

He told me about his reaction to me, about trying to become desensitized to my scent by familiarity, he told me about his point of view last semester. I persuaded him to tell me about his life, from the start. When he mentioned a country I wanted him to go into detail about the country and what he learned, about the different time periods and all that he could.

Of course, I might only have my own life-time with Edward, perhaps even less than that, which was really depressing.

I forced myself to engage more in the conversation, ask more questions. Edward loved to tell me about his life and I found I absolutely adored listening to Edward's voice. I couldn't remember the details of what he spoke, but listening to him was soothing. Being _near_ him was soothing.

* * *

 **I hope you liked the chapter. Let me know if you have any questions or anything you want adressed in the next chapter's A/N**

 **Like I've mentioned before: this is a slow moving story, but it's PRE-WRITTEN, which means that there will be no hiatus or anything like that. I'll be updating once a week :)**

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	13. Something more

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* * *

 **Chapter 13 – Something more**

 _Our heavy conversation lightened, and I asked him more about our first interactions._

 _He told me about his reaction to me, about trying to become desensitized to my scent by familiarity, he told me about his point of view last semester. I persuaded him to tell me about his life, from the start. When he mentioned a country I wanted him to go into detail about the country and what he learned, about the different time periods and all that he could._

 _Of course, I might only have my own life-time with Edward, perhaps even less than that, which was really depressing._

 _I forced myself to engage more in the conversation, ask more questions. Edward loved to tell me about his life and I found I absolutely adored listening to Edward's voice. I couldn't remember the details of what he spoke, but listening to him was soothing. Being near him was soothing._

* * *

As Edward talked about his life, I closed my eyes and listened to his almost ethereal voice.

"I don't think sleeping out here is safe for your health," Edward whispered gently. I blinked my eyes open in surprise and I realized I had almost dozed off. We lay on the ground in the meadow, our hands entwined while he caressed my hand. His caress was calming and his touch felt hot on my skin, despite his hands being cold.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to doze off while you talked," I apologized. "It just felt so nice," I whispered as a way of explanation. Holding hands was better than _nice_ , but no need to go into details of how obsessive I felt of him.

"I agree," he replied and sent me a shy smile. I could tell he wanted us to leave. The sun was disappearing behind the clouds, and I was starting to feel cold. I stretched myself languidly and Edward rolled his eyes at me, while a smile played on his lovely lips.

"Let's go home," I finally said in accept and he heaved me to my feet easily. "Let's not dawdle," I grinned at him as I climbed his back. He laughed freely and secured me with his arms. I held on tight and then he sped off like a bullet. It was beyond fast; so fast that everything was a blur. It was making me feel woozy, so I closed my eyes.

"We're here," Edward announced. I opened my eyes and realized we were still.

"Oh, that was fast," I told him. Hours of trekking done within minutes. He helped me down and eased me into the car. I quickly pushed for seat warmth when he started the car and Edward held my hand again, as he steered his way back. Too fast were we back at my house.

"Anyone ever tell you that you drive like a maniac?" I wondered incredulous. "My father's a cop, you know," I reminded him teasingly. He grinned in reply.

"Built in radar," he tapped his temple. "Your father's home," Edward said. I looked over and noticed the cruiser.

"Would you like to come in?" I asked politely. Edward looked pleased at the offer and nodded.

I was very aware how Edward kept a polite distance from me on our walk up to the house. Our fingers were no longer entwined and I felt annoyingly naked for it. Was Charlie watching or had our moment passed?

"Hey Bells, Edward," Charlie greeted us upon entering. I could tell he'd just gotten home too.

"How was work?" I asked interestedly. "Did you have a nice day?"

"Yes, it was good. We're helping another district regarding some thieves," Charlie said.

"I'll make dinner soon," I promised him.

"Take the night off," Charlie said affectionately. "I don't mind," he assured me.

I rolled my eyes at him, "I'm sure you don't." He almost looked guilty.

"So, what have you kids been up to?" Charlie asked to steer the conversation away from him.

"We went hiking," I replied, "or trekking," I added.

"Really?" Charlie looked at me skeptically. "Your family are outdoor people, or so I'm told" Charlie commented to Edward. So, the information about them camping when it was sunny was common knowledge.

"Yes. I found a meadow I wanted to show Bella," Edward admitted. It sounded pretty romantic and Charlie looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Really? _Interesting_ ," Charlie intoned, staring straight at me. I could see the humor in his eyes and knew he was teasing me. I mocked-glared at him, but I couldn't avoid the blush that accompanied it.

"Well, I'll sort out dinner. Go have fun," Charlie told us happily, "but keep the door open!" He warned me. I stared at him shocked and then I blushed once more.

"I- we-" I sputtered.

"Of course, sir," Edward replied easily and pulled me with him.

"I'm sorry. God, how embarrassing," I whispered when we entered my room. Edward seemed amused.

"Are you seriously embarrassed about _that_?" Edward wondered amused. "After all the confrontations we've had, all the fights, and _this_ is what makes you mortified?" Edward laughed lightly.

"Well, I've never- I mean, and we're not. It would be wrong to mislead Charlie," I continued embarrassed, realizing that he didn't _understand_ why I was embarrassed. Edward observed me and my rambling came to an end.

"What?" I whispered, eyes wide. What had I missed? He was staring at me in a strange way.

"We don't have to mislead him," Edward whispered almost too quietly for me to hear. He was looking distinctly embarrassed. I stared at him, confused.

"What do you mean?" I questioned him, confused. Edward gave me an incomprehensible look, but I stared at him blankly until I finally managed to register what he was saying and I gaped.

" _Really_?" I wondered in a high pitched voice in shock.

Taking my hand, and caressing my fingers individually, Edward finally replied, "I mean, we don't have to date, we can just be friends, but if you don't mind being more I would really love to be your _boyfriend_ , though the term isn't entirely correct," he replied, sounding so vulnerable. He was telling me that he liked me and offered me a choice. I felt euphoric.

"Because you're in love with me?" I questioned, just to be sure, but also because I felt slightly overwhelmed and surprised.

"Yes. I'm very much in love," Edward replied truthfully. I stared at him again.

"And not just because I smell delicious?" I wondered. Edward looked horrified and I took that as a sound _no_. "Or because you can't read my mind?" He looked confused.

"What is it?" Edward asked.

I blew out air to relax, and then I said, "our conversations always seem so _heavy_. Were it not for the meadow, when you talked about your past, I would think we had never had any light conversations. I decided I would cross the bridge regarding _us_ when things settled down a bit," I admitted. "I knew it was a possibility, but I felt no need to rush things, so I ignored the topic for the time being, which means I ended up surprised just now..." I admitted.

"The topics _are_ heavy and I know it weighs on our conversations. I can imagine it can be a little claustrophobic. We don't have to rush, it, we can go slow," Edward quickly said. I was surprised at his shyness, and it was easy to see he was trying to appease me. I saw how vulnerable he was, and it was making my heart stutter.

"I'm Ok," I said and laid my hand om his while I considered things. I had known I was in love with Edward for a while, and going slow would not change that. I was happy to find out that he liked me as well. I had been distracted by all the other substantial topics, and I kept saying to myself that things just needed to calm down, and then I'd look at that aspect. There were more things to consider than just dating, after all. Again, another heavy subject that I just wanted to ignore until things settled down between Edward and I so I might get the chance to think.

"Charlie pushed my plans forward a bit, I admit," Edward revealed, distracting me from my internal thoughts. I stared at him, once more, confused. I felt confused a lot lately.

"Plans?"

"Well," Edward moved closer, easily entwining both our hands, "I would like to have courted you, before we reached that question." Edward was looking at our entwined hands, and I got the sense he was embarrassed, or perhaps shy.

"Courted?" I repeated. To me, my voice sounded slightly dazed.

"Yes, with flowers and dinners and movies," Edward told me, moving closer to me. His breath hit me like a battering ram. It felt so intoxicating. I felt like I was flying. Someone was calling my name somewhere.

"Bella? Bella!" Edward hissed. I opened my eyes.

"Wha-?" I whispered, still dazed.

"You fainted," he looked slightly worried. "Perhaps we should go to Carlisle," he tried to help me up, but I pushed him away.

"That won't be necessary," I denied, but Edward seemed insistent. I could understand why, and I had to admit why I had fainted. "Your breath just… dazed me…" Edward stared at me worried.

"I've been meaning to ask, is that a vampire thing? The current between us and the dazzling? The effect of your breath: I felt like I forgot how to human..." I whispered quietly. Forgot to be human seemed like an understatement. "Is your breath another weapon designed to subdue your prey?" I wondered, still slightly confused. Had I been more alert I might've managed to keep myself from saying that out loud. Edward pulled back from me and looked chagrined.

"I'm sorry," he whispered quietly.

"Edward, please don't be sorry. I am quite aware of what you are, and so are you. And it's _OK_. Now we just have to work with it. Perhaps practice makes perfect?" I winked at him and his shoulders seemed to ease a bit at my gentle teasing. "What about the current?" I wondered.

"I think it's a Bella and Edward thing," Edward grinned slightly, more at ease. "We _are_ attractive to our prey, but your reactions are more intense, since we're... _together_ …" There was something behind that word that was left unsaid.

The heavy topics were pressing in on us. Alice had talked about something _deeper_ , and both Carlisle and Edward had alluded to something as well. I needed the dust between us to settle before I tackled what they had alluded to. Emotionally I wasn't quite ready for that talk yet, though I knew we'd have to talk about it eventually. Right now, though, I just wanted to be us, with no assumptions. Perhaps we just liked each other _now_ , and that was it. Did it really matter? Didn't it only matter whether or not I liked him and he liked me? Or was I simply trying to ignore the topic because it could ruin things between Edward and I before it even started? Either way, I seriously needed things to calm down before another huge and heavy topic was opened.

Trying to calm myself from my serious internal thoughts, I said: "Oh. How odd… I don't see you faint…" But as I spoke I recalled times when Edward had seemed to completely space out.

"You affect me," he told me seriously while running a hand through his hair, almost frustrated, "sometimes, the way you look at me, I feel lost in your eyes…" It sounded romantic and I recognized the feeling.

"So, dating?" I recalled vaguely, trying to move the conversation onwards.

"Well, if you're not busy later I'd like to take you out," Edward offered. I noticed how he gave me a choice. Always a choice. I appreciated it.

"For dinner?" I couldn't help but joke as I feebly touched my neck. Edward rolled his eyes and the poor taste of my joke.

"Part of it," he said.

"Are you sure?" I questioned. I wanted to be sure it was what both of us wanted.

"I've never been more sure in my life," he assured me. I stared at him. "You?" He wondered hesitantly. I considered his words. I wanted to blurt out that yes, I was sure, but I knew he needed to understand that I had considered my options.

I gently took his hands in mine and looked into his eyes, "Yes, I'm sure," I nodded. "Wow… my first date. How odd..." The butterflies somersaulted in my heart and I couldn't avoid grinning like an idiot.

"This is your first date?" Edward questioned surprised. His golden eyes seemed intent on me.

"You seem surprised," I replied curiously, wondering what his thoughts were.

"Well, I know how teenagers are nowadays," Edward admitted and I laughed.

"I guess Jessica and Lauren are pretty good examples of promiscuity," I pointed out, "but I've never had friends before and I was certainly never asked out. There were usually a ton of kids at my previous schools, and I just sort of blended in." I sounded so sad when I said it out loud.

"Strange. Most of the guys at school wanted to ask you out… until… Well," Edward stumbled verbally. "I really am sorry for what I've done. You might've made me realize I'm not necessarily a monster for being a vampire, but I am certain a monster for my atrocious behavior towards you," Edward told me. Again with the monster, though I noticed something.

Ignoring the last part, I quickly said, "so you don't think you're a monster for being a vampire anymore?"

"Almost," he grinned, "bad habits die hard, after all. But, I think talking to you made me realize a lot of things. I think Alice mentioned something about us trying so hard, that we sort of… lost our vision?" Edward questioned and I nodded. "I've always been so sure, until I met you. Suddenly I felt like Bambi on ice. Nothing I did made you dislike me less. I had no way of predicting your replies," he shook his head at the memories. "It made me realize how little I understood of people in general."

Edward looked at his watch. "Let's talk about it in the car. We should get going before we're late," he said and helped me up from the bed.

"You've already planned this?" I wondered surprised.

"I had ideas, but Alice made the arrangements," he tapped his cellphone. I hadn't even noticed he'd checked it. I followed him downstairs and informed my smirking father that Edward and I were going out, but that I would be home before ten, which he easily accepted. He seemed really pleased with Edward, or perhaps he was still riding the high from me being social. I guess I could've asked Edward, but it felt wrong to intrude on my father's thoughts.

In the car I urged Edward to continue, and he did as he drove towards Port Angeles.

"In order to maintain our way of life, my family and myself heavily depend on Alice's, Jasper's and my gift… I'm used to seeing people's thoughts and judging them before they've even said their first word out loud. I focused on whether or not they were a threat to the family. The constant use of our abilities have rendered us… _blind_ , so to speak. We forgot that we're not infallible. We often take Alice's word as law, but her visions are technically flawed, as they rely on decisions, and things can easily change. My mind-reading ability is just as flawed, as it only tells what people might think, not how they really are or how they will act. Jasper's gift is just as flawed, as it's 'in the moment' emotions." Edward explained.

"No one has ever contested our abilities before, and then you come along and I'm unable to read your mind, Alice and Jasper both have trouble seeing and reading you," Edward laughed lightly, "I guess you reminded us of our _humanity_."

"You make it sound like you thought you were gods," I noted interestedly.

Edward laughed, "it's not that far-fetched. None of us see ourselves as gods of course, far from it, but I dare say we believed in our capabilities beyond what might be reasonable. We've never had to fear anything because we had our abilities. We live beyond comfort and never worry about money, because we have Alice, and we never worry about people finding out who we are either, as both Alice, Jasper and I can foresee it and influence people and either change possible outcomes or make the person ignore something. It was interesting to experience what would happen once we couldn't rely on our abilities any more. I certainly realized that I was far worse at understanding people that I had initially assumed," he winked at me and I responded with a light giggle.

"I can imagine you must've been very surprised then, when I came to Forks." I was beginning to realize how much of a stir I had caused his family. A part of me was very pleased by this.

"At first I ran off because of your blood, but then I talked myself into coming back. I couldn't imagine such an innocent little girl could really be such an issue," Edward entwined our hands as he drove and sent me a grin. I laughed in reply.

"So I came back and I saw the destruction I'd made from when I said you _reeked_ ," he shuddered at the word. I felt better understanding why. "I felt awful…"

"And then I just wanted to do everything in my power to right what I did wrong. I think, had you been a different girl I wouldn't have bothered. Lord knows I've hurt Jessica and Lauren enough times by telling them to… _go away_ ," he admitted. "But... I still had trouble righting my wrong-doing, and I was undecided by so many things. Not your blood, necessarily, but… other things… It was just chaos…" and then he grinned at me, "I guess, saying I had bad manners was what really made me stay. I hated the thought that you thought so ill of me! That, and when I heard you whisper my name in your sleep..."

"But at the same time you couldn't stand being close, either," I added. "I remember the fluctuating personality. I called it Edward the douche," I laughed at the surprise on his face, but he quickly joined me.

"Edward the douche?"

"Yes, and Edward the moody. That was when you were all 'hey, let's be friends, but not be friends, because I'm emo'" I dropped my voice and he laughed loudly, "and then there's Edward the kind. The one who's… _nice_." It was far from a sufficient word.

"I'll strive to be more Edward the kind," Edward promised. I breathed out in relief, I really appreciated it.

"But I can't promise I might not act out… I'm 105, trapped in a teenager's body. I have a lot of knowledge and experience, but I often act upon it like a 17-year-old would, or so I've come to realize..."

"That must drive you insane," I said surprised. I couldn't even imagine such a scenario.

"Well, you don't hate your own reactions do you? I don't notice it either. Well, until I met you, I just… My family was just used to me being Edward the moody," he smiled at me. "But now I'm Edward the kind all the time," he laughed and I felt my stomach flip delightedly.

"So… 105? I thought you were 104. When is your birthday? Or do you go by the day you were changed?" I wondered curiously.

"June 20th is my birthday," Edward said with a smile, "and I guess it depends on who you are. But, like I said, we ARE a family. Most vampires are lone creatures, so they usually don't celebrate," Edward explained.

"What do you give someone who has everything?" I pondered philosophically, "I mean, Alice can see the future, so I know you guys are utterly loaded. You can usually just buy it yourselves when you want it?" I questioned, "not to mention that surprising you must be really difficult, since you can read people's minds." I considered that he couldn't read _my_ mind, so my gift would be a surprise. Unless he saw it through Alice's eyes.

"Well, it's true, gift giving _is_ pretty difficult, but we tend to find things that means something. Either that or we accept our lot in life regarding gifts. Alice rarely updates her subscription to _Vogue_ , because it's usually a gift at Christmas," Edward explained. "But the gifts might be a bit boring, but the holiday season is kind of nice."

"I still don't get it. It's always the same. Even more so since you keep to yourself. I mean, I get it if you get outside interference to shake things up," I explained confused.

"We _do_ actually. Sometimes. Esme loves to help, so at Christmas she bakes a load of food and helps out poor people…" He stopped and considered things, "I guess it doesn't count, because I find it personally easier to just donate a lot of money rather than actually go out and do it myself," Edward admitted.

"But you're far more resilient than humans. You could help out a lot. After all, the best way to feel better is to help others," I advised him.

"How egoistical," Edward noted with a grin.

"I don't believe in altruism in humans," I explained, "no one does anything unless they get something from it, even if it's just feeling better with yourself. Be it governments or individuals," I said. "But that doesn't make it less wrong," I insisted.

"It's just… our sense of smell is pretty acute, and there are places, especially around those who _really_ needs help, that just…"

"Reeks?" I wondered with a light smile. Edward looked frustrated at the word, but I understood what he meant. Imagine having a great sense of smell, and then having to stand in pee. I thought male bathrooms were disgusting, but imagine smelling it with a vampire nose.

"I guess I understand," I conceded, "but Christmas spirit, and all," I pointed out. Edward sighed. "Not to mention being more human by it."

"Urgh, I don't need to be Alice to see the future," Edward growled, "If you think helping personally is better…" He trailed off before adding "but then you're coming with me!" He threatened. I hadn't wanted to force him to do anything, but when he gave me a long term plan such as this (with almost 4 months till Christmas) how could I resist?

"Deal!" We shook on it, and I mentally marveled how lovely his hands felt against mine, despite being ice-cold. I was surprised at how fast I'd gotten used to the coldness. The tingling sensation I felt when we touched was ever present.

The rest of the evening was absolutely lovely. Edward took me to Port Angeles to eat at _Bella Italia_ , and afterwards we went to the movies, where we saw some plot-less movie. I didn't care for it, and frankly, I wasn't paying attention. The moment the light dimmed the electricity between Edward and I intensified, and we looked at each other with a wry grin. Our hands found each other in the darkness, and I spent the time enjoying the feel and comfort his presence gave me, rather than listening to the movie. Edward seemed just as engrossed as myself, and it was only when someone had to pass us that we realized the movie had actually ended.

I blushed at the thought of how intimate the experience had felt, even though we had only held hands and stared at each other, and I could tell Edward was just as affected as me. Though Edward couldn't blush, I was beginning to recognize his behavior when he was embarrassed or shy. I gave his hand a comforting squeeze, hoping to ease both our shyness, and he grinned at me happily.

Even removing the supernatural part, the night had been magical to me.

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	14. Official

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 **Chapter 14 - Official**

Tuesday had me on the edge, since Edward and I were _together_ now. I woke up early, in part because I couldn't sleep, but also because I wanted to tell Charlie before he left for work. I knew that after this day, everyone would likely know, as gossip spread like wildfire in a town as small as this; I preferred Charlie knew it from me, instead of someone else. I prepared a delicious, and unhealthy, breakfast.

"What did you do?" Charlie wondered suspiciously when he saw the meal, but his eyes crinkled with humor, revealing the joke.

"Can't I pamper my dad?" I asked rhetorically. Charlie raised an eyebrow and I hesitantly said, "now that you mention it…" I sat down. "Edward asked me to be his girlfriend." I bit my lip. Sure, Charlie had been welcoming towards Edward, but that had been when we were friends.

Charlie relieved me by breaking out in a huge smile, "congratulations," he said. At my gaping mouth he added, "I see how you look at each other, I'm not blind…" I blushed. "If he makes you happy, _I'm_ happy." Charlie touched my hand tenderly for a second before diving into his food. I breathed out, pleased at how easy this had gone.

I knew Charlie was beyond happy that I had friends, enough that he was willing to accept a boyfriend.

The doorbell rang and I rose from my seat, wondering who that could be. Edward was much too early.

"You're early," I greeted Edward surprised, but let him inside. He was grinning happily at me.

"I was driving Carlisle and Esme insane," Edward admitted with a wink.

"Edward," Charlie greeted Edward, but his voice was stern now, and I realized that Charlie might be OK, but he was still my father. I tried not to show the panic I actually felt. "I hear congratulations are in order," Charlie extended his hand and gave Edward a firm handshake. To my surprise, Edward winched. I realized a charade was going on.

"Thank you, sir," Edward replied courteously.

"And know, if you ever hurt my baby girl, I will find you. I'm a cop, remember that." Charlie's voice was even and he grasped his gun from his gun-shelf and secured it to his belt, all the while he stared at Edward. Then he grasped his jacket and turned to me. Edward stood slightly awkward and almost worried.

"I love you, Bells. Call me if you need me," Charlie kissed the top of my head. "Have fun at school, kids," and then he sauntered out the door. I stood staring after him as he drove off to work. Finally, I managed to peel my gaze from the now empty street.

"What-?" I said, uncertain. "What was he thinking?"

"Come on, Bella, your dad needed this," Edward replied quietly, shaking himself out of whatever stupor he was in. "Alice saw he was intent on meeting me at some point. This just happened to be the perfect set-up for him," Edward grinned at me. "You didn't actually think he'd just let you get a boyfriend and not do his fatherly duty of speaking to him, did you?" Edward was amused by my silence.

"I never considered it," I finally managed to say. "You know, I really do love him. That was quite amazing," I admitted. "I am sure had you been human you would've been scared."

"Had I been human my hand would've been broken and I would've run for the hills," Edward winked at me and I laughed lightly. "Don't worry, he _is_ happy for you, no doubt about it, but you're his only daughter and he _is_ your father," Edward explained calmly.

"And you knew it was going to happen?" I wondered curiously. Once more the Cullens had twisted the events to suit them. Not that I blamed them.

Frowning, Edward replied, "Partially. Charlie wasn't sure what he was going to do exactly, only that he wanted to speak to me. Of course, Alice saw and let me know. I thought it would be a good idea to meet you early and give him the chance… Arriving like I did, standing like we did, gave him the opportunity to do what he did." Edward paused and ran a hand through his hair, almost embarrassed.

"You were freaked out, weren't you?" I realized. My entire body was tingling at the absurdity of what just happened. I wanted to laugh. My 105-year-old vampire boyfriend had, perhaps briefly, been scared of my human father.

"It freaked me out," Edward finally admitted with a laugh. "I've never met a girlfriend's father, so while I knew what might happen I still worried. I want his accept, after all..." And then he grinned mischievously,

"It's your fault for making me doubt my ability to understand humans… Charlie's mind is slightly closed off, that didn't make things easier."

"I am kind of glad!" I admitted with a grin, "Charlie deserved this, and I know you're a Big Bad Vampire, but it's nice to see you shaken up," I teased him and laughed at Edward's incredulous expression.

"Are you coming?" Someone called and I peeked out of the still open door to see Alice in Edward's Volvo. I hadn't noticed her.

"Thank you for the warning Alice," Edward told her in a normal voice. She had no trouble hearing him and I heard her laugh loudly.

"What?" I wondered curiously.

"Alice hid a few details of her vision from me…" Edward shot Alice a glare and she laughed once more.

I hurried down to Alice and I split into a huge grin when I hugged her. "Thanks for giving Charlie opportunity to like a normal dad," I whispered into her ear, though Edward heard it easily. His expression softened.

"See, it _was_ for the best," Alice looked at Edward as he started the car.

"It's a rite of passage!" I insisted and he snorted. Soon we were all laughing again.

We arrived at school during rush hour, which I would've preferred to avoid as now everyone were likely to spot us immediately.

For the first time ever, Edward draped his arm around me, and I reveled at both the closeness and his care. People noticed immediately, of course.

"So, what are they saying?" I wondered curiously as we walked towards the school.

"You don't want to know," Edward almost growled. I giggled in response.

"I'm sure I can handle it," I insisted when I noticed Lauren glare at us.

"That is _so_ not happening," Alice said with a high pitched voice as she imitated Lauren. "I bet she puts out," Alice continued. "That was Mallory, by the way," she added.

"Alice," Edward replied exasperated.

"Oh please, Edward. I'm not a baby. They've been cruel to me since I started. I am quite aware of the vitriolic words. Know thy enemy and all that," I told him good-naturedly. He calmed down.

"Yes. Besides, it's kind of entertaining," Alice pointed out. I didn't necessarily find it entertaining, but I was sure they had to see it that way, since they must've been affected by gossip for so many years.

"Their thoughts are hideous," Edward muttered. I wished I could shield him from their thoughts.

"Are they going to do something?" I wondered if I should ask Charlie for self-defense lessons.

"I don't _see_ anything. But you've really pushed their buttons. Edward was the one who made you a social outcast. If he likes you, then it stands to reason that the other boys will as well," Alice said pragmatically.

"Ahh, sheep mentality, what's not to like? Edward and I've been friends for a while, though" I noted and Edward snorted disdainfully. I saw he was looking towards Mike.

"It's started," Alice laughed lightly at Edward. I wondered what I was missing.

"Wait, are you saying Mike is thinking about me?" I whispered horrified. Mike had been kind to me on my first day – until the sheep mentality kicked in. Despite being a social pariah I knew exactly what went on, as it allowed me to be like a fly on a wall, as I largely went unnoticed. It meant I often heard things I probably shouldn't have. Such as the various guys making bets about the girls, and girls fretting over possible pregnancies.

"It's stupid," Edward muttered annoyed, "he wasn't even interested in you, but now that I got you I'm suddenly _'taking all the pretty girls'_... Before, when we were just friends, they thought it was out of pity, or that's what they told themselves…"

"Ahh well, what do you expect? You _do_ have the entire female population in your hand. You need only say a name, and the girl will say yes," I giggled at his uncomfortable expression. "I guess he feels worried that if you're suddenly dating…" I trailed off.

"Please don't defend him, he does _not_ deserve it," Edward insisted. "And I only want _one_ girl," he looked down at me with so much adoration that I forgot to walk. Alice laughed lightly at us, and I managed to get my feet up and running.

"He's very admiring. It goes from you being mousy, to you suddenly being-" Edward made a face, obviously reluctant to tell me, "well, it's the quiet ones," he said. I felt vaguely disgusted, but I had asked.

"This is just so weird," I whispered. "I've never been the center of anything," I admitted.

"You're the center of my universe," Edward whispered into my ear. I could feel myself blushing and the butterflies in my stomach flipped.

"Oh _please_ ," Alice moaned good humored, "let's get to class," Alice insisted and dragged us onwards. Today was like my first day: everyone was staring at me, though the reason was far different than on my first day.

I was suddenly glad I shared all my classes with either Edward or Alice, because it meant I was distracted from the either cruel looks and whispers from many girls, or the calculating looks from some of the guys. Edward, however, was utterly tense, and I worried. I hated seeing him like this, as if he was in physical pain.

"It'll pass. It just needs to become old news," he said when I asked how he was holding up. I wished it would happen soon, because feeling so helpless in regards to him was incredibly annoying.

"Can't we push it along? I don't know, break Lauren's leg?" I whispered. Edward stared at me with uncertain amusement.

"You know, I have no idea if you're joking or not," he told me seriously. I laughed. I wasn't entirely sure either. Lauren had been a right bitch to me, but breaking someone's leg just to remove the attention was pretty low.

I shrugged in response and Edward's eyes filled with mirth.

"I think we have to ride it out," Edward admitted and stroked my hand gently. I sighed in contentment.

"Good thing we share classes. I would hate to be by myself," I admitted. At his inconspicuous look I rolled my eyes, "seriously? How exactly did you manage to do that?"

"Jasper is awesome with computers," Edward explained neutrally, but I could see a hint of a smile tugging in the corner of his mouth. I snorted and shook my head in disbelief.

"I am beginning to realize that all the times I felt paranoid it was warranted," I told him, "the hardware store, dropping off _lunch_ to Carlisle, having all our classes together…" My feelings were off the radar. I almost didn't mind. Oh who was I kidding? I didn't mind. I just wanted Edward. I might've minded a few months ago, but it was like finding out he was a vampire excused all his weird behavior - except for the stalker-behavior.

The rest of the day went fine. At lunch I needed the restroom and Alice went with me. I wasn't sure why, but I guessed that Lauren and Jessica might act out, or some of the boys would. It actually felt kind of nice being protected like this. I'd always been the one to take care of things, so being cared for made me feel good; it made me feel like they liked me. It was normal to look out for each other when you were friends, after all.

"You know, soon you have to go _camping_ and I will be alone at school," I reminded Alice. She looked pained at the thought.

"Bella, Lauren is a bitch," Alice told me, "I don't see Jessica actually doing something, but Lauren is another matter. I need you to be careful when we're not in school. Don't antagonize them, don't look like a victim that they feel they can pounce on easily. Stay in crowded areas…" Alice lectured me as.

"Great…" I muttered annoyed.

"I don't see her doing anything, as such. It's all just possibilities based on her dreams to beat you up… Edward sees her mind, but it's just daydreams… for now…" Alice warned.

"Great…" I reiterated. "What can she even do? It's not like she knows karate," I pointed out.

"She has very sharp nails and shoes to match," Alice pointed out.

"Well, we can always break her leg before she breaks mine," I finally said with a resigned voice. "It'll be like killing two birds with one stone: the focus will be removed from us and Lauren will be unable to do anything," at the end of my sentence I actually sounded hopeful, like this was a good idea. Alice laughed at me, but she looked vaguely intrigued. Of course, I wouldn't do anything to Lauren - it was only in my mind.

"So, what does your parents say?" I wondered to Alice, after our restroom break.

"They're dying to meet you. Of course, you've met Carlisle, but Esme is just ecstatic. Edward's been a pain for so loooong! I mean, alone," She laughed and I joined her easily.

"Oh, they want to meet me?" I asked surprised. I hadn't seen any other Cullens since last school year, and a part of me was unsure if Edward actually wanted to introduce me.

"Oh," For a second Alice's expression seemed far away, and I could tell she was having a vision, though brief, "Silly Bella. We were waiting for _you_. You decide the pace!" Alice linked our arms and we headed back to lunch, pointedly ignoring any stares.

"Really?" It shouldn't have been a surprise. Both Edward and Alice had been enormously patient with me, always making sure that I made the decision. I considered what I wanted now, just like Carlisle had asked me, and I found that I _wanted_ to meet the family - officially.

"Oooh! Excellent! You can come over today!" Alice said excitedly as we sat down at our lunch table. Edward immediately grabbed my hand and caressed it. Besides this morning, when he'd draped his arm around me, we had only ever held hands and he had, a few times, touched my cheek briefly. We both needed to get used to being in love, and we both needed to get used to the physical proximity of being near something dangerous. I was dangerous to him and he to me.

That's not to say that I hadn't considered kissing, but _that_ was an area I knew Edward would need to control. I wasn't entirely sure if it was even possible, but I was OK with taking things slow - for now.

"If you want to," Edward added quickly; again, always giving me a choice.

"Sure. I'd love to meet everyone," I agreed, even a little excited at the prospect. Besides Alice and Edward, I'd only talked to Carlisle and I hadn't even seen Esme. I called Charlie after school and told him of my plans to visit the Cullens, which he seemed pleased about.

After school we drove to the Cullen house. Edward wore a massive grin that revealed his excitement. He caressed my hand while he drove.

"Yes! Do you think they'll like me?" I almost whispered and both Edward and Alice laughed lightly.

"Visiting a family of vampires and you're worried they won't _like_ you," Edward shook his head.

"They're my boyfriend _and best friend's_ family" I told him, making Alice squeal in the backseat before I continued, "I'd rather like to make a good impression," I insisted.

"Don't worry, they'll _love_ you!" Alice insisted. "Well, except for Rosalie, she's hard to please, but give her time," Alice added. Edward frowned in the rearview mirror, obviously looking at Alice. "Come on, it's not like Rosalie keeps her disdain for everything and everyone a secret. Bella is bound to find out, and better now than later," Alice told Edward off. I didn't like that Rosalie didn't like me before she got to know me.

"I agree with Alice," I admitted. That way I could prepare myself.

"Don't worry, Bella," Edward said. "Rosalie is very protective of the family." Alice snorted from the backseat. I decided to take a wait-and-see approach. I could understand that Rosalie was protective; this was a huge thing that was apparently happening and I was human.

Deciding to distract me, Edward said, "Esme has wanted to meet you for ages."

"You've been given me time," I said, referring to how he hadn't pressed the issue of meeting them, at all.

"This is different, human and vampire. We need to make sure we're both on the same page before moving onwards," Edward acknowledged. My belly fluttered, I wondered if he was on the same page as me with some things.

"I'm glad," I told him truthfully, "thanks for respecting me," I thanked him.

Edward drove through twisted forest-roads, and I could already tell that I wouldn't be able to find it on my own. The roads were almost invisible the farther you moved into the forest area; a part of me couldn't help but hope that one day I would have it memorized.

I had no idea what to expect, but we eventually reached what looked like a long driveway, and I felt the car begin to slow. As we came to a halt I couldn't help but gape. I didn't even notice Edward move to my side of the car to let me out.

"Do you like it?" Edward wondered.

"It's so… big and open," I stared at the huge house, which looked like it was mainly made of glass. A massive garden spread out by the house, leading right up to the forest, which lurked thickly just beyond. It felt like a sanctum. I guess a part of me still expected the old stories about vampires to hold some truths, but everything was the complete opposite.

"This is our home. We don't have to hide here," Edward said. I could hear the pride in his voice. He looked at me eagerly, and I knew he was pleased to be able to show me his home.

"It _is_ nice," Alice came to rest next to me, and we observed the house for a few seconds. Then, gently for Alice, I could feel her grasping my jacket and trying to pull me along. I grinned at her, understanding her impatience.

"Let's go," Edward grinned and took my hand securely in his. The butterflies flip flopped in my stomach and we moved to the entrance. Alice was way ahead of us and was already inside.

We followed Alice inside, and immediately I was accosted by warmth. The heaters were definitely up and running, and I opened my jacket, which Edward took from me. I could see a huge fireplace with lots of logs cackling away, as well.

"We don't usually heat it up. We wanted to make sure you're not cold," Edward told me with a huge smile. I hadn't considered that they wouldn't need heating normally. I appreciated the gesture.

"Hello Bella, it's so wonderful to see you again," Carlisle greeted me easily. We shook hands like old friends, which made me feel incredibly welcome.

"You know my father, Carlisle, allow me to introduce my mother, Esme," Edward pulled me along to Esme. She had the look from the silent movie era, and she looked very motherly. Just like Carlisle, Esme looked compassionate and caring. As I observed them together I found that they seemed to fit each other perfectly.

"It's so wonderful to finally meet you, Bella!" Esme wasn't shy of contact and she hugged me gingerly. I hugged her back, instantly liking her comfortable and welcoming attitude.

"Thank you, Esme. Your home is amazing," I tried not to look around too much since there were several vampires I had yet to meet.

"And this is Jasper!" Alice introduced insistently before Esme could respond. Jasper was like I recalled him: tall, light-haired and reserved. I swore he almost looked uncomfortable, and I remembered that Alice had once told me he was the newest to their diet, and the one who struggled most.

"Hello Jasper, it's so nice to meet you properly," I greeted him easily. He nodded his head, and I noticed he didn't offer his hand. I took a polite step back, hoping I wouldn't overwhelm him. I hoped he could tell from my feelings that I wasn't scared, but that I was respecting his personal space, or trying to. I understood the dangers.

"Jasper is our newest," Carlisle explained apologetically.

"I know, Alice said. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable in your own home, Jasper," I apologized, but then I had an idea. I reached back to my coat and my scarf.

I offered the scarf to Jasper, "Edward said being near me helped desensitize him. I understand my scent is pretty delicious. Perhaps this will help," I held the scarf out and I swore Alice and Esme looked like they were about to cry. Jasper looked very affected and I was reminded that he could read emotions.

Ever so gently, he accepted the scarf, while staring intently at me. I was uncertain of what the look meant, but I tried to stay calm and relaxed, hoping to convey such emotions to him. I wasn't entirely sure if it worked.

"Thank you, that's very considerate," Jasper said, clutching the scarf. Alice was grinning massively, and she laughed a tinkling laugh and hugged Jasper close. Edward looked at me with such love that it made me blush, which I felt was really annoying, especially now. He pulled me onwards, but I swore I saw Jasper sniff the scarf and wink at me. I giggled uncontrollably before I collected myself.

"Hey, sup! I'm Emmett!" Emmett was huge. I remembered him from school and how terrifying he looked. From Edward's, stories Emmett was like an immature teenager, but he still looked pretty intimidating to me.

"Hello Emmett!" I pulled out my hand for him to shake. Emmett grasped my hand very, very tenderly, probably aware of his strength if his expression was any indication. I squeezed harder, putting all my strength into it, and he laughed at my obvious attempt.

Rosalie was next, and she looked like a goddess, both beautiful and terrifying. Her beauty made everyone pale in comparison and her coldness made me feel like turning around and run. She politely stuck out her hand, though, and I grasped it, pleased. "Rosalie," Rosalie greeted coolly. I was reminded of why she was my intimidation-inspiration. Right now, the way she looked at me, made me feel as if I was undeserving and that I should go home.

"Bella," I said with a happy voice. Rosalie dropped her hand almost a second later and crossed her arms. I felt I had to say something to make her loosen up, "thanks for telling Edward to 'get his shit together'," I quoted. She raised an eyebrow and I blushed, "Edward said you'd told him to stop whining. Thanks." Without her Edward might've continued the Emo-Track.

Emmett laughed loudly and slapped Edward hard on the back, so hard that I almost winced from the sound.

"Well, someone's got to tell him to get his head out of his ass," Rosalie replied with a smirk. She pulled on Emmett's hand and dragged him along, and I could tell the introductions were over. Alice winked at me and pulled Jasper along as well. Carlisle and Esme left as the last people and they sent me a happy smile on their way out.

As we stood alone, I finally gave myself a few seconds to enjoy the decorations. It was impossibly classic, but with obvious modern twists. The eras blended so well together. It was incredibly personal, as well.

"It really is quite an impressive house. I bet everything, every nook, crook, and speck of dust have a history," I said to Edward. We were alone now, so I felt I could move around a little more.

"Pretty much. We accumulate a lot, after all," Edward agreed while watching me interestedly.

"I'd love to hear the stories. Why _this_ couch? I mean, you said sitting down and standing up is the same to you, so what made you choose this one?" I wondered curiously, gesturing to the beautiful and very comfortable looking couch. Like most things in their household, I assumed it had been extremely expensive as well.

"We _do_ try to blend it. Should we ever have visitors it's important for the vision to be complete. So we have a kitchen and a dining room, too," Edward gestured towards a door on the side, which apparently led to the kitchen.

"And regarding the comfort: we follow the reviews," he explained.

"What about this sculpture?" I wondered, pointing towards a small, white bust on the mantelpiece above the roaring fireplace.

"That was actually Esme's from when she was human. After her transformation she salvaged some family heirlooms that had some emotional value. I think this was from her father," Edward picked it up and studied it. I didn't recognize the small bust as someone famous, not that I had seen a lot of busts before.

"Oh, that's really lovely," I said emotionally. It sounded like a beautiful thought to keep something from their human time. "Do all of you have personal memorabilia like this?" I wondered what Edward might've kept.

"No, not at all. I have the most, seeing as Carlisle took care of it when my parents died," Edward explained,

"Carlisle have a few things, and Esme of course, and I think Rosalie have a few things as well," Edward explained.

Hesistantly, I asked "If you're so flammable, how come you have the fireplace on? I mean, the heaters are fine on their own, I'm sure…" It was a question I had pondered since I had seen the fireplace. Edward laughed lightly and I heard laughter from upstairs as well. They could hear me, obviously.

"Our venom is flammable, but hidden beneath very strong skin," he showed me his marble arm. I nodded as I remembered Alice mentioning just that. "And it's not like I'll go _poof_ if a droplet of fire touched my venom, though it would definitely be uncomfortable and something to avoid," Edward added.

"You have venom in your mouth?" I said.

"Yes, definitely no fire-breathing shows," Edward said and we laughed together.

"Wouldn't it be easy for a human to hurt you, then?" I wondered again, curious.

"I see you won't need your father if I step out of line," Edward pondered with a grin.

"Better be careful, Cullen. I will put Buffy to shame," I teased Edward and we laughed again.

"Even a human with fire would not be able to get to us. We're _very_ fast, after all, and unless we have our mouths open and have numerous cuts, it is unlikely we would be hurt unless we stood in the fire for too long. Our clothes and hair would likely be damaged, though," he stared at me curiously, probably wondering if I was scared.

"Perhaps I should take notes?" I questioned with a grin, making him roll his eyes. The tension faded from him. I moved onwards. "What about this piano? Who plays? I suppose with infinite time you _all_ play?" I wondered; the perks of being an immortal, no doubt.

"Actually, no. We still have interests, after all. I love cars, especially fast ones, but I have zero interest in what's below the hood, whereas Rosalie is actually the mechanic in the family," Edward explained. I raised my eyebrow.

"So much for that stereotype," I grinned easily. I liked that Rosalie worked with cars, as it gave her a more rounded personality. For some reason I didn't like to think of her only as the most gorgeous woman on the planet. "I like that Rosalie tinkers with cars," I admitted.

"Rosalie has a lot of depth," Edward admitted with a faraway expression and a considering tone. I wondered what that was about; he sounded almost as if he was surprised. "But Carlisle, who has lived the longest, has little musical interest, so he actually doesn't play anything," Edward continued.

"Oh, so who plays this?" I wondered, sliding my finger along the exquisite piano.

"I do," Edward admitted. I turned to him surprised.

"You never told me," I accused of him with a grin. I wanted to hear and eagerly gestured for him to sit. He complied easily.

A sweet melody flowed gracefully from the piano, and I closed my eyes and enjoyed it. I'd never really been into instrumental music, except for Debussy, who was only a favorite due to fond childhood memories. Renee had once tried to learn how to play, but like with most things she quickly gave up. Good thing, too, as she was utterly horrible at it.

I could see myself playing in my mind, but as I opened my eyes and watched the tangents all I saw was confusion.

"I wish I could play," I admitted. "It looks so sophisticated," I laughed lightly.

"I can teach you," Edward offered me. I nodded happily. For a while we sat together at the piano. I wasn't doing very well, but I was distracted by the happiness I was feeling. Edward wanted to teach me, and Edward wanted to watch movies with me, and read books. We had such a long list of things to do that I felt utterly giddy at the thought of knowing I'd secured him for quite a while.

We laughed as we played, or rather as _he_ played and I tried to help. I didn't even notice dinner, until Esme called and said it was ready.

"Oh, you shouldn't have," I told her sincerely. They'd put on heat, they'd made food, and what else had they done for my sake? I felt embarrassed, but happy nonetheless. I felt welcome, and it was a really nice feeling. Everything came so easy for them, so it helped me feel less of a burden.

"I tasted the sandwiches you made. They were amazing," I complimented Esme, remembering the sandwiches Edward had brought me.

"I adore cooking, dear. It's rare I actually get to do it, except at holidays and events," Esme said pleased.

"Isn't it hard when you can't taste and smell it? Edward said that human food smells disgusting," I wondered curiously. Esme laughed lightly, but it felt so warm and pleasing.

"Whether it smells good or bad is irrelevant, as long as it smells the way it should," Esme explained as she took a seat at the dining room table next to me. Edward sat also. It felt odd having to eat alone, but as Esme talked I relaxed and quickly forgot about it.

"Our noses are very sensitive, of course, so we're all perfectly able to tell you without hesitation how lasagna should smell like, or pasta, or beef," she explained. "Our sense allows us to pick up on the rarity of a steak, or over-salting, where you, as a human, would probably have to taste it in order to realize the if it was over-salted," she explained.

"How annoying, I was almost hoping I might learn something useful," I admitted with a chuckle. "It seems almost cheating that the ones not actually eating are the best cooks," I mused.

"Truthfully I _wish_ I could eat," Esme admitted with an almost faraway look in her eyes. "There are so many different kinds of food… There's so _much_ …" she trailed off. She didn't seem sad, though.

"But blood is better, isn't it?" I wondered curiously.

"Blood is more an addiction. It doesn't matter if it tastes good or not," Edward explained easily. I raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure what he meant.

"Hmm… Have you ever eaten something that didn't fulfill your needs? I mean, you probably stopped being hungry, but… something was missing?" Esme wondered. I nodded.

"Sometimes food is just… _nutrition_." I said, thinking of boring food-days when I wasn't sure what I wanted.

"That's what the bloodlust feels like. It never _enough_ , never quite _it_ ," Esme explained. I considered her words, but found it sounded pretty terrible.

"But the bloodlust kind of controls you?" I wondered, realizing that the horror stretched very deep. Imagine never feeling fulfilled? I wondered how they did it.

"Well, yes. As vampires our minds are truly expanded. We _can_ think of other things, many other things, but it's always there - in the back of our minds and something to consider," Esme explained with a soft smile.

"I can't even imagine what you're talking about," I confessed and Esme laughed lightly, "I mean, Edward took me running, and while I trust his judgement on not hitting the trees… I just can't _see_ it," I said and shrugged with a grin.

"You've been given a lot of information within a very short span of time. Perhaps, once things have cooled down a bit, it makes a little more sense…" Esme said. Edward grinned easily and grasped my hand. I was done eating and Esme took my plate away, easily ignoring my protests.

As the evening came to a close I said goodbye to the entire family before I made my way home.

"So, what did you think?" Edward wondered as we made our way to the car.

"I loved it. They're all so wonderful, Esme especially. I love Rosalie. She's so beautiful, but at the same time she surprises you with her abilities. I guess at school you see the usual beauties, but they're just so shallow and talentless. I like how Rosalie challenges that stereotype," I admitted with a grin, "she plays, she sings, she tinkers with cars and has a medical degree… And Alice is awesome, of course. I hope Jasper will be able to become desensitized, because he seems so nice…" I felt giddy at the experience. "Emmett… the stories you told me," I laughed lightly, "I can't wait to see what he cooks up…"

"You know…" I fell silent, wondering if I should reveal this tidbit of information. Edward looked at me frustrated from being unable to read my mind.

"What?" He pressed, obvious curious as to what went on in my mind.

"Rosalie inspired my death glare," I admitted finally. Edward stared at me and then he burst out laughing.

"Death glare?"

"Yes, and don't laugh. It worked against _you_ and it works against the people at school," I informed him seriously.

"Oh, I remember…" Edward fell silent, probably thinking about some memory. "It's a good glare; very intimidating." He didn't even smile; it sounded completely serious.

Charlie was home when I got there and we small-talked a bit about the Cullens and I could tell Charlie was happy for me. When I went to my room I almost wished I had told Edward to meet me there, because I wasn't tired and I missed him already

* * *

 **If you enjoyed the chapter, leave a quick review - thank you :)**


	15. Fitting in

I am sorry for the **delay**! I got a BETA-reader to help out with the few mistakes I make. Hopefully, I will learn something! Thank you so much, Momma Laura.

Chapters will be out more sporadically - at least until we've got a thing going for us. Hopefully, we'll manage to keep it around once a week.

Thanks for your patience!

* * *

If you ever have **questions** , or need **clarification** , let me know in your review, and I will either PM you, or mention it in the A/N, in the following chapter. It could also be if you're just **curious,** about what went on to the family meeting, before Edward and Bella started dating.

* * *

 **Chapter 15 - Fitting in**

School was awesome now. Who knew having a boyfriend and a friend could make the experience enjoyable?

A routine started up: Alice and Edward would pick me up every morning for school. After school, depending on whether or not I had to work, I would spend time at the Cullen houseuntil dinner time, when I would head home and cook for Charlie and enjoy my evening with him.

We often spent dinner making small talk, like we'd done since I arrived. On some days, Edward arrived after dinner to study with me, while Charlie was nearby. The reason for this had been Esme's idea.

No matter what happened, Edward was obviously a part of my life, and if things went perfectly, it would be important for Charlie to know and understand that Edward and I were together. I also realized that it was important to me that Charlie not only approved of Edward, but liked him, too. If things went bad, nothing would implicate the Cullens anyway.

It would be perfect if I had Charlie's blessing if we ever decided to leave Forks together. He needed to understand that I would be happy.

Once or twice a week, I'd write to Renee, though I never told her much, nor did she seem interested in knowing. My flighty mother was always away on adventures, either in real life or in her mind, and getting in contact with her could be difficult. I didn't mind, and I didn't try to change it.

At the Cullen home after school, Edward and I often read ahead of the class schedule, just as we planned, and he also tried to teach me how to play the piano. It was always fun, but I mostly sucked at it, and my outbursts always made us all laugh.

I loved spending time with all the Cullens, and I was overjoyed to feel how welcome I was. I was surprised at how fast I came to care for them, and how fast I saw them as part of my own family.

Rosalie was the Cullen I saw the least – but I did see her, which seemed to surprise Edward. It seemed Edward had anticipated that Rosalie would be a total bitch towards me, but after giving my scarf to Jasper, I had earned some of her respect. Still, we weren't talking very often, but she acknowledged me, which I counted as a victory based on Edward's horrific stories.

Still, I knew it would take time to warm Rosalie up to me. While it had been her to tell Edward to get his act together, she still didn't like the idea that a human had _infiltrated_ the family. I wasn't sure what her issue was about my humanity, but Edward said it was Rosalie's story to tell, so I would have to be patient.

Emmett found me fascinating, and he would often watch me. He liked to tease me, and he found my blushing interesting, since it often gave me away. He'd tell me all sorts of silly and perverted things, just to see how embarrassed he could make me. Jasper didn't help at all, and he enjoyed trying to spin my emotions into wild directions - when he could, at least. I found that when I strove to be calm, Jasper had trouble reading and influencing me. Carlisle found this really fascinating, and he theorized that I might be a mental shield. I loved the idea, and I would sometimes try to work with my shield, though to no avail. I had trouble grasping and understanding it, and Edward thought it might be because I was human. Until I became a vampire, my subconscious would be unreachable.

* * *

Emmet was staring.

"Would you like to try some?" I gestured at the salad Esme had made for me. It was delicious, and I envied her skill; this was Michelin style. Emmett looked strangely intrigued and Edward rolled his eyes. Jasper and Alice were by our side in an instant. I had found that Jasper, being an empath, loved a good emotional climate, and I was always happy, so he was often near me. Sometimes we played board-games or chess, and he liked to mess with people's emotions to make them fail. It was hilarious, and he was quickly becoming one of my favorite Cullen.

"What does it taste like?" Emmett wondered, curious.

"Pure deliciousness," I replied and picked out a piece of salad with a litte dressing.

"It doesn't smell delicious," Emmett replied uncertain, but his hand moved towards a piece of salad. Edward's grin at me made me realize that Jasper was copying my emotions to Emmett, making him feel hungry for salad. I stared at the scene before me, as Emmett stuffed the salad in his mouth and chewed for a while. Unthinkingly, he picked another piece.

"Dude!" Emmett suddenly roared. A blur later, I found myself on the other side of the room with

Edward. Emmett was growling angrily at Jasper, who was laughing hysterically at Emmett. "You're going to pay for that," Emmett threatened. I burst out laughing, followed by Edward and Alice. "That's not _fair_ ," Emmett whined.

"And here I thought you were a vegetarian," I grinned at him, and he huffed. A moment later, he grinned.

"No!" Edward growled, and I wondered what Emmett had thought about.

"Stop being such a downer, _Eddie_ ," Emmett mocked. "So, Bella," Emmett sauntered towards us. "Since I ate this, I'd like to propose a game," Emmett's eyes glinted with eagerness.

I wasn't dumb enough to fall for Emmett's schemes, but I was curious as to what he might propose. "Continue," I replied.

"We each choose human food, and we both have to taste it," Emmett suggested. I stared at him. His offer

had merit in the sense that I would also get to see him eat.

"What _kind_ of human food do you want me to eat?" I narrowed my eyes at him. I was intrigued, and I saw Edward try to hold back a grin. I looked towards Jasper who looked very innocent. Too innocent. "I'll do it if Jasper joins us - though nothing alive!" I finally replied, and Alice and Edward laughed loudly.

"No way," Jasper replied coolly.

"But it will be _fun_. I've seen it!" Alice promised Jasper. I knew Jasper couldn't say no to either Alice or the promise of fun. He was an empath, after all. Emmett insisted we all find one thing to eat, but it couldn't be too obscure, and it couldn't be alive - I reluctantly agreed, but only because I was sure that they would be in a worse state than I.

* * *

I hadn't told Renee much, since she had a tendency to overstep my boundaries by several miles. Despite not saying much, Renee eventually realized that something was up with me. Of course, she immediately assumed it was a boy. It _was_ a boy, I had to admit, but I also talked about Alice. In true Renee-style, she tried talking about sex, protection, positions, and several personal stories, which instantly shut me off. I could tell, however, that Renee was happy for me as well and didn't mind in the slightest that I had a boyfriend. She always wanted details, and I was happy to provide the fake stories that circulated the town, but I refused to tell her anything personal. Besides, there was nothing to tell, and admitting that would raise more questions from her.

Charlie had really taken a shine to Alice, and I knew a part of him hoped Alice would help drag me out of whatever shell he thought I was in. If Alice wasn't quick enough to suggest girl's time, then Charlie he would hand me some money, and insist Alice and I go have fun.

I couldn't even be mad at him, as I realized he knew that I had had no friends before. I felt so stupid for thinking that I could ever fool him into believing that things were okay. He was a cop, after all.

In the beginning, Edward and I only saw each other in the evenings when he visited officially after dinner. Eventually, that extended to him secretly waiting in my room while I finished dinner. This arrangement didn't last long, as I had trouble focusing on Charlie, when I knew Edward was in my room. Instead, we agreed to he could come by late in the evenings, so that I wouldn't feel any need to hurry on mine and Charlie's alone-time.

We then spent the time before bed talking and cuddling. We still hadn't kissed, but I could tell it wouldn't be long before that happened. I tried my best to go slow. Alice had told me it would happen eventually, and we would have to kiss with our mouths closed. Knowing it would happen made it really difficult to take it slow, and I got a better understanding of Alice's gift.

Edward still left when I went to sleep, and I knew he honored his promise not to watch me sleep. I also knew that it was a routine that was likely to be changed soon, as I found I _missed_ him when I didn't see him, even if I was asleep. The idea of him watching me sleep was getting disturbingly less creepy as time passed. When he wasn't there, my dreams called out to him.

* * *

"So I won't see you until Monday," I said, saddened. It was Thursday, and tomorrow was Friday and _sunny;_ a rare sunny day for Forks, especially since it was fall.

"We're going on an extended hunting trip, but I will be back Saturday and will come by then," Edward promised me, and slid a finger down my cheek. As always, his touch left a burning mark, and a need for more.

"Humf," I responded, and Edward laughed quietly. Something stirred inside of me, and I stared into his face intensely. "Will you stay with me tonight?" I whispered quietly. Edward looked at me, surprised. "I mean…" I fell silent. "I just like you around…"

For the first time, Edward stayed overnight. It was very innocent. I lay under the covers, and he lay on top of them, while humming a melody. He was humming _my_ melody, a melody he had composed himself, and I tried, and failed, to remember how it was played.

Edward awoke me just before my alarm clock. His hands were playing gently with my hair, and I slowly opened my eyes. I could get used to the look of utter love in his eyes.

"Had I known it would be this nice to see you in the morning, I would've told you _ages_ ago that you could stay," I grinned at him cheekily, and Edward laughed lightly. "Can I have a human moment?" Edward nodded easily, and I quickly skipped to the bathroom. Charlie had already left, I realized.

"You look very cute in the morning," Edward admitted with a grin when I bounced back to the room. I blushed.

"So do you," I replied, and he ducked his head lightly. Technically, he looked cute all the time. "When are you leaving?" I wondered. As I spoke, I heard a sound by my window, and I nearly shrieked at the sight of Emmett.

"Hello, Edward and Bella!" Emmett grinned from the other side and slid the window open. "Bella, you should really lock your window. Who knows who might enter!" Emmett laughed loudly and slipped inside. He immediately began going through my things out of curiosity. I had nothing to hide but decided I might have some fun.

"Not that drawer!" I screeched when Emmett neared a drawer. He stopped and turned to me. I was blushing because I was a bad actor, but it led Emmett to believe I had something to hide.

"Oooh…" Emmett said, nearing the drawer with an exaggerated slow pace.

"Emmett, behave," Edward sighed like an adult. I neared the drawer as well.

"But what's in there?" Emmett asked eagerly, his hands on the drawer.

"My secret stash of pencils," I whispered and opened the drawer to reveal school supplies. Edward laughed at Emmett's expression. I had wanted to say something entirely different, something very embarrassing about sexual toys, but I had chickened out. Only now that the moment was lost did I regret wasting such an amazing opportunity.

Emmett soon left with Edward, and I was now facing my very first school day without him by my side. At least, the first day since we'd gotten together. It was difficult as I was already missing him. Our relationship had progressed pretty fast, emotionally speaking. I struggled with the need to tell him that I loved him, but at the same time, Renee's upbringing made me hold back. It annoyed me, because telling someone you loved them shouldn't have a mark of date for when it was okay to say it.

The philosophical thoughts of love followed me to school. Today I drove a bit faster, and I arrived before there were too many students. I quickly went to my first class and stayed there until the teacher arrived.

Luckily, the hype surrounding Edward and me had died down a bit.

I remembered Alice's warning, and I made sure my phone was charged in case she saw something. Usually, she couldn't see me, but I hoped that if something bad was coming, she'd be able to see it.

Lauren and Jessica were in one of my classes, but neither of them spoke to me, for which I was grateful. Of course, my luck didn't last.

I reached lunch without an incident, but then Mike and Tyler greeted me in the lunch line.

"So, Bella," Tyler greeted me with an overly friendly voice.

"Yeah, hi, Bella," Mike quickly added. Mike and Tyler were the popular boys, though I didn't get why. More importantly, they were also the most outspoken boys, which meant if anyone would to talk to me, it would most likely be them.

"Um, hi," I replied and turned away from them. I hoped that I looked like I was minding my own business. Alice had said to avoid trouble and keep my head down. I wasn't sure if that meant I should stay clear of everybody. "So, Bella," Mike reiterated, clearly unbothered by my closed-off attitude.

"Where's Edward?" Tyler added, trying to dominate the conversation. I was very sure they knew where Edward was, since it was no secret that the Cullens went hiking, whenever the sun shone. I was also sure that they weren't actually interested in me. They were more interested in what the rumors said I could do, since I'd gotten Edward to date me. Sometimes, you didn't need to be a mind-reader to know what people thought.

"Camping," I replied. "Excuse me." I paid and left for my table.

"You can sit with us," Mike quickly called after me. "We can keep you company," he offered. He looked sincere, but I knew where his thoughts were.

"Not interested," I replied and moved over to my customary table. I sat with my back to them all, but I soon realized I shouldn't have, since I now had no idea what was going on. A prickling sensation told me someone was staring, and I tried to ignore it.

"So, Bella. Edward's gonem and now you're throwing yourself at Tyler and Mike?" Lauren's nasal voice cut through my self-imposed silence, and I turned around. There were plenty of people, so I knew I was safe enough.

"Hello Lauren," I replied neutrally. Jessica was with her, but no one else was with her. I wondered why, as I was sure she preferred a crowd to cheer her on.

Lauren went straight to the point, "So, what did you do to get Edward? Spread your legs?" I decided to ignore Alice's warning. What could Lauren actually do to me? Besides, Charlie was a cop, and he would instantly know who had hurt me if she did.

I looked up from my book, almost bored. "If that had worked, you'd have been there ages ago." Lauren's cheeks were momentarily stained red, and she looked furious for a second before her countenance changed to smug.

"Perhaps I've already been there," she replied nonchalantly and with a smirk. She failed at making me jealous.

I laughed in reply, "Oh please, at least when I say merry-go-round, I'm talking about the carnival, not what you call that thing…" I glanced towards her crotch. "Edward would not come near you willingly, even if you begged…"

"Calling someone a whore might be dangerous," Lauren threatened coolly.

"Are you going to threaten the rest of the school, too, then?" I replied very innocently. Lauren's lack of virtue was hardly unknown, and I enjoyed her anger. "Unfortunately for you, this is strictly a personality thing. You wouldn't understand." I rose from my seat just as my phone rang. I strode away from Lauren as I picked up the phone.

"Bella, what the hell?" Alice was on the other end of the line and clearly furious. "I told you to stay low…"

"You saw me?" I replied surprised.

"Yes, barely," Alice explained. "You really need to be careful. She's very angry," Alice warned me.

"I've considered that, and I've decided to hell with it. All she can do is scratch me up, and I won't give her a chance to be alone with me," I promised. I knew I was being very immature when it came to Lauren, but it was like she enjoyed humiliating people. I just wanted her to stop. Besides, I wasn't her only victim. Perhaps if I pissed her off enough, she could focus on me and no one else. I could handle it, and I had both Charlie and a small vampire army to protect me.

"Just BE CAREFUL!" Alice intoned. "Also, that was so awesome!" Alice laughed ecstatically on the other end, and I matched her laugh.

The rest of the day passed comfortably, but I had no doubt Lauren was plotting something. I kept myself to crowded areas and open spaces, and I tried my best to overhear the conversations around me in case something interesting was being told. Nothing was on the radar, and I assumed Alice would've called if Lauren had made definitive plans.

* * *

The sun shone for most of the day, which I had already begun to detest. When I got home, I was surprised to see Jacob on the porch.

"Jacob," I greeted, easily. Jacob looked slightly sheepish, and I wondered what was going on.

"How's the new car running? Not as good as the old one, right?" He winked at me, and I laughed lightly.

"Well, this one hasn't shown its worth yet, but hopefully it won't have to," I replied. "And if something does happen, at least it can be repaired," I added with a grin. Jacob easily matched it.

"So, Bella, how are you?" Jacob asked, interested.

"I'm good. Just got home from school. You? How are things at the Rez?" I small-talked.

"They're good. The weather is nice and people are nice…" Jacob trailed off, and we stood there, slightly awkward. I could tell he wanted to say something specific, so I waited patiently. Jacob ran his hands through his long locks of hair, obviously feeling embarrassed.

"Hey, so listen," Jacob said. "This isn't me, but … My dad said I had to say something to you…" Jacob made a wry face, clearly showing his discomfort. I could guess what Billy had to say, especially since he had been so frustrated, when I had started working at the hospital. News about Edward and me must've reached him. "My dad says 'you're making a huge mistake, you need to stay away from the Cullens', and 'we'll be watching'..." I laughed lightly to diffuse the tension, and Jacob let out his steam by laughing lightly, as well.

"I get it; I'm not surprised, since he seemed to angry when I worked at the hospital," I told Jacob. I felt sorry for him; he looked so uncomfortable. I was pretty sure Jacob still thought that the legends were still just legends, and nothing more. I felt somewhat angry with Billy, for dragging his own son into this.

"Yeah, so…" Jacob breathed out. "I'm sorry," he admitted. "My dad promised me he'd buy me a new industrial lamp for the garage, as the old one broke." Jacob shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably.

"Don't worry about it, Jacob. Consider the message received. Tell Billy he'd better pay up," I demanded with a grin, while ignoring the message. If Billy wanted to say something to me, he should say it himself - not send his unaware son.

* * *

Edward was back on Saturday, just as he promised.

"I've missed you," I breathed out. Edward reached for me tentatively, and embraced me. I clung to him.

"Tighter," I whispered, begging him to hold me closer. Edward complied.

"Is this enough?" He asked, uncertain of his own strength.

"A bit more," I asked, and he tightened his grip on me. This was good. "This is it," I said, and leaned into his embrace. I knew he'd probably remember how much force he had applied in our hug, so that we could recreate it later.

"It felt like forever," Edward murmured into my hair. "Alice told me about the incident," he added. I pulled away.

"Are you very angry?" I wondered, but with a smile. Edward laughed lightly.

"No, I found it very…" he struggled with a word, and I could tell he was embarrassed, "attractive..." the word hung between us heavily, and I found myself really pleased. Edward found me attractive; the knowledge surprised me for some reason. Our relationship was so precariously balanced, and I always wanted things to settle down, before moving around too much. I felt there was something I had to ask.

"Edward, we've been holding hands for a while, and you've even hugged me a few times…" I took a deep breath. "I was wondering…."

"Can I kiss you?" Edward interrupted me. My eyes snapped to his, and I nodded relieved. "Be still," he asked. I stilled, closed my eyes, and I tried to pucker my lips.

Very slowly, I felt a cool pressure on my lips, as Edward's lips met mine. I leaned into it, and I was surprised as my mind started to shut down. My heart hammered in my chest wildly, startling both of us, and I felt him pull away.

"Wow," I whispered, touching my lips lightly with the tip of my fingers.

"Wow," Edward mirrored my movement. "Can we try that again?" Edward grinned boyishly at me, and we both leaned forward awkwardly. It was good that our stance was awkward, because both of our reactions were almost possessive. However, since we were standing precariously, any change in our stance made us more aware, and therefore able to stop, and get control of ourselves.

"Probably a good thing we're standing up," I admitted. My knees buckled below me, which helped me keep my cool, "otherwise I might throw myself at you." I blushed as I said it, and Edward responded by touching my cheek. Again, a hot trail followed his fingers.

"Bella," Edward whispered, hesitantly. My heart skipped a beat, anticipating what he was about to say.

"I love you," I blurted out, unable to control myself. Edward's face broke into a giant grin.

"I love you, too!" He laughed lightly, and I followed suit. It felt amazing to say those words to him, and I realized now how much I had wanted to say them before.

"I do want you to be careful, though. No antagonizing Lauren while I'm away," Edward begged quietly.

I considered his words reluctantly. "I'm not the only one she bullies," I pointed out. "I know I get most of the heat, but there are others…"

"I know, but my concern is you," he kissed the tip of my nose quickly.

"You can see her mind, can't you? Why does she do it? I thought maybe she might have a bad home…" A bad home-life might explain things.

"No, things are fine at home. I know you want a reason for her to be a bitch, but some people are just like that…" Edward admitted. "It's not her home-life that makes her act out, it's her personality."

"Are you saying, that's she's just a bitch through and through?" I wondered, amused. Edward sent me a wry grin.

"The school is small, so is the town, and she has high thoughts of herself. Automatically, she ends up dominating the place…"

"I hope she gets into a large school, and finds herself on the receiving end," I pouted.

"Unfortunately, that only happens in movies," Edwards sighed. "We want the bad people to be punished, but it is likely Lauren will go to college, and she won't have any grand epiphanies, and she won't be bullied. Slowly she'll become a better person, as the need to be in the center wanes, or not… She might eventually find such behavior abhorrent, depending on the success of her own children, or she might not." He shrugged once more.

"So she wins?" I replied aghast. "The good people are supposed to end on top…" That's how it happened in the movies, and I liked that. I liked the thought that goodness prevailed.

"That's life. Unless something life-changing happens, Lauren will be as she ever was. I know it sucks, but that's life…" I stared at him, and he looked back at me apologetically, as if it was his fault.

"I just wish we could talk to her," I groused out.

"Sometimes that works. I doubt it would work on Lauren. Jessica is too cowed by Lauren to stand up for herself…"

"What about Angela? Lauren often calls her nicknames, like goody-two-shoes, and such."

"You can't save the world, Bella," Edward reminded me, amused.

"Not with that attitude," I tutted.

"Feel free to try, of course. I doubt Lauren will suddenly realize that being a bitch is bad, and apologize to you," Edward warned me. "If you told Angela, she would no doubt apologize. But, she doesn't bully anyone, and she knows what it's like to be bullied. Lauren wants to be the Queen Bee, and that comes with both perks, and collateral damage. The collateral damage will be those she steps on in order to stay on top."

"But that's ridiculous! It's not like people like her, so how can she be on top?" I pointed out.

"The ones who share the same mind do; Mike, Tyler, Jessica, Julia…" Edward trailed off. "Sheep mentality; they tell you they're popular, ergo you think they're popular…" Edward explained.

"Did I ever mention how I hate high school?" I shook my head in frustration, and Edward chuckled. He ended out discussion by distracting me with kisses.

Kissing was dangerous, and we had to find ways to stand that would be uncomfortable, after a short amount of time. The problem was, that we both spaced out when kissing, which made it easy to forget how sharp his teeth was, or how breakable I was. I trusted that Edward wouldn't willingly hurt me, but Edward had had to remove himself from me a few times, because he found himself too dizzy to think, and therefore, too dizzy to be careful.

"I feel quite proud of that," I told, feeling quite dizzy myself. "I can make you dizzy," I grinned stupidly, and Edward smiled happily in reply.

"Dizzy is just one of the many things you make me feel..." he breathed out, heavily.

"You and me both," I winked at him, and then we laughed quietly.

"I love you," he whispered, making me flush and giggle. I wrapped my arms around him.

"I love you," I whispered with a grin. The butterflies went crazy in my stomach. I think my cheeks would hurt later from all the smiling!

* * *

 **I hope you can forgive the delay :) Leave a starving writer a review ^_^**

Next chapter will be published as soon as Momma Laura and I have gone through it :)


	16. Confrontations

Thanks to Mommy Laura for BETA-ing the story.

If anyone has ideas, or think I have missed something, please let me know. ConvelYlva reminded me to show the relationship between Bella and Jasper/Rosalie. I had completely forgotten the Bella/Rosalie talk, so that was a great reminder.

If you have any questions, let me know in the reiview, and I will PM you :)

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. They really make me happy! **That fact that you took the time means a lot to me!**

* * *

 **Chapter 16 – Confrontations**

I guess it was a fool's hope.I had hoped, once Billy's message had been delivered, that that would be the end of it. Unfortunately, it wasn't. Billy started visiting more often, making up all kinds of excuses to come visit. The first time I saw him after Edward and I were official was kind of awkward. He kept staring at me, and it was obvious he wanted to talk to me, but he didn't get the chance. Instead, he dropped vague hints and tried to make me feel guilty - all without mentioning the Cullens, as that would offend Charlie.

"So, Bella," Billy said. Billy and Charlie had managed to tear themselves away from the game - just long enough to get food. "How's school? Applying for colleges yet?" His question was innocent, but aimed at finding out what my plans for the future were, perhaps regarding the Cullens. Briefly, I wished that I

wasn't hidden from Alice's view, so that she could've prepared me.

"Soon," I admitted. "I'm gathering information right now," I replied vaguely. I had already written my essay, as well as gathered recommendation letters.

"Planning on applying near Renee?" Billy fished, curious.

"Yeah. I'll be applying everywhere, I think," I said calmly. The dream would be a full scholarship. I would apply for grants to support the savings I had, as well. I knew I would need to apply for a job wherever I went, but a part of me hoped that I would be able to focus on my studies, rather than work.

"I think Charlie will miss you to bits once you go away to college," Billy said innocently. I didn't reply, as I was too angry with him. I understood that he was looking out for his friends, but at the same time, I found it to be condescending and ignorant. Hating someone, just because they were a different species, seemed wrong to me. I wouldn't condemn an entire species myself, and knowing that he did, judged me, and tried to manipulate me, pissed me off.

* * *

Work was a tedious chore. It was mostly due to missing Edward, though. Sometimes, an hour or so before my shift was over, Edward would come by. Today, Edward surprised me with chocolate and flowers.

"What's the occasion?" I wondered, with a grin. I looked through the chocolates interestedly.

"Because I love you," Edward revealed with a crooked smile. I smiled happily and reached over to peck his lips.

"Thank you - I needed this," I admitted, relaxed. "My feet are killing me; I've been standing all day," I told him. I said goodbye to Anne, my middle-aged co-worker who, I thought, might have a crush on Edward. The Cullens garnered crushes everywhere they went, no matter the age of the admirers. It made me a bit jealous, but I saw how he treated me compared them, which strengthened my belief in our relationship. I guess some of my insecurities were hard to get over, but that was normal, wasn't it?

"Allow me to pamper you tonight." He swept me off my feet, making me shriek quietly in surprise. Had Edward not had his super strength, this might've made me uncomfortable. As it was, my feet were spared, and Edward hardly felt my weight, anyway.

"I shan't object to that, my good Sir," I replied, with a posh voice.

"I'm glad to hear that, my dear," Edward replied, with an equally posh voice. The voice suited him, and sounded far more real than when I spoke that way. I laughed and wondered if his parents had spoken like that when he had been human.

Edward gently settled me into the car, and together we drove to Bella Italia, which was easily becoming a favorite place to dine when we were in Port Angeles.

After dinner, we sat in his car, enjoying the view over the bay. The night stretched ahead of us, making it difficult to see the sky, or the sea. Both seemed to blend together.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked Edward.

"How amazing you are." The honesty in his voice disarmed me, and I blushed.

"Really?" I blushed, embarrassed and pleased at the same time.

"You do not believe me?" Edward turned on his side, so that we could face each other. I mirrored his position.

"I do," I assured him. "I can't help but be surprised, though," I admitted. "All my life, I've kinda been invisible. I've always felt out of step and awkward around my peers. With you, I feel more whole and more _me._ Does that make sense?"

"Completely," Edward said. He grasped my hand lightly and caressed my fingers. "I've been the odd one in my family for many, many years… I've waited for you for such a long time. When I found you, I was terrified because you were human. Just thinking about wooing you made me feel like a monster… When Alice, Carlisle, and Esme said I should let you know about me, let you make your own choice, I was terrified. What if you refused me?" Edward fell silent.

"I guess we both have insecurities we need to get over," I whispered, quietly. I sent him a small smile.

"Rosalie said something similar," Edward revealed. "She said that I couldn't keep hiding behind my _faith_ forever. Eventually, I would have to realize that I was insecure…" Edward chuckled lightly. "I still have my beliefs, but since I met you, I've realized I am far more insecure that I first believed myself to be…" He chuckled to himself. "I feel more grown up, if that makes sense." I laughed lightly.

"Me, too," I admitted. I felt I had grown up a lot since I had come to Forks. I had always been Renee's caretaker, but my attitude had been that of a child's. I would often pout or be passive-aggressive, when something bothered me, rather than talk about it like I did now.

"You always seem so certain always. It's inspiring to watch. The way you handle the girls and boys at school, the way you handled _me_ …" Edward told me with awe in his voice.

"I was never like that before. I honestly think you did me a favor when you said I reeked. I was forced into situations I had never been in. I was forced into the spotlight, and I found I suddenly had to stand up for myself." I fell silent, thinking. "It was liberating."

"I can't imagine you like that," Edward said.

"I think I was more the suffer-in-silence-type," I revealed. "Thinking back, I am almost angry with myself. I've let a lot of people step on me… I never told you, but thank you for telling me I reeked." We laughed together for a while.

"I love you." Edward leaned over and kissed me gently. I sighed. "And one day, I will take you with me to a truly magnificent place." Edward turned his head towards the sea. The night stretched before us. "There will be miles of water in front of us and no light pollution. We will be able to see all the stars and the Milky Way…" His voice was a whisper, and my heart skipped a beat at the promise.

"I'd like that," I whispered in response.

* * *

I was out shopping for groceries when I was met with the next person who felt they had the right to demand something from me. He was obviously Quileute, so I immediately knew what he wanted.

"You're Bella Swan." He was tall and very muscled. His hair was cropped short, and he wore shorts and a t-shirt, despite the cold weather. Just looking at him made me freeze.

Paranoid, I said, "Billy sent you."

"I am Sam Uley. I came because I had to. I must tell you to stay away from the Cullens. You do not know what they're like, and for your own sake, and Charlie's, I need you to leave them alone."

I deliberated a moment, and then very carefully put down my basket.

"Sam, I know you mean well…" I said very slowly. "I will tell you something that I need you to understand, and make Billy understand, and whoever else is involved in … _whatever it is._.." I continued with the exaggerated slowness. "This... _thing_ you're doing needs to end. I do not condemn people just because they're a different color, nor will I do it because of _anything else_ … I don't care _what_ people are, I care about _how_ they are. So far, the Cullens have shown themselves to be far better beings than many others in this town. So, if you want to talk to me, quit being an ignorant bigot…" I grasped my basket and stared at him.

I then added, "They're _vegetarians_." If he really knew about the Cullens, this would make sense. I could tell that it did.

Sam didn't like my words.

"Vegetarians," Sam scoffed, angrily, "You know nothing-" His body was shaking, and unthinkingly, I took a step back; something about him screamed danger. My move, however, seemed to make him focus, and he turned and exited faster than I thought humanly possible. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought he had the speed of a vampire.

Sam's words did have an effect, however. Though, probably not the way he had intended. It was very apparent that I needed Edward in my life. It didn't feel like a crazy teenage crush, but something much deeper and much more connected. The conversation I had with Alice about mates – a while ago – ran through my mind constantly.

My biggest fear was losing him; I had never been more dependent on anyone. The way he made me feel – I think my heart would almost break if he didn't feel the same way about me. Something deep inside of me _hurt_ at the mere thought of losing him. While I was hesitant or scared, at labelling us, a part of me had begun to yearn to claim him as definitely mine.

Carlisle's words, from our talk at the hospital, rang in my mind. I knew I needed to consider what I wanted with Edward, what I needed, and what was possible.

From what I could see, I had 3 options.

Option 1: Stay human.

Option 2: Become a vampire.

Option 3: Leave Edward.

Option 1+2 demanded that I was his mate while Option 3 meant that I wasn't his mate.

The first option meant that I would be with Edward for as long as possible. I'd grow older while Edward never changed. One day, I would be mistaken for his mother, and then his grandmother. Worse than that, Edward and I would never be able to act out our love in public, as it would draw too much attention, and attention for vampires was never good. Nor would we likely be able to act our love out in the bedroom, as his strength and my squishy-ness would cause issues. I would also never be able to bring him with me to visit Charlie or Renee and Phil; they'd either know that I was with him, though never see him - or I would pretend I was a spinster. Either way, I would have to endure their questions, and I would have to lie.

If I stayed with Edward I would never have children. I would be able to, but why would I want another man's child?

And what were the dangers of staying human all my life? It would be an unnecessary risk.

So, this would mean I would live half a life; neither fully human nor fully vampire. I wouldn't be able to make friends with humans, and Edward couldn't exactly broadcast our relationship in the vampire world, either.

One day, the only 3 humans I cared about would die.

Since it was so early in our relationship, option 2 felt a bit weird to think about; I had to think about it, though. Becoming a vampire meant we would be equal in all aspects of our lives; we would never worry about the cold or getting hurt. We would be able to act out our relationship with all it entailed. I would lose Charlie, Renee, and Phil much sooner than I would've if I'd stayed human, but I would lose them no matter what I chose.

Once more, I'd lose the opportunity to have children, and once more I wouldn't want children unless it was with Edward. Carlisle had done his best in making me understand that if I happened to be changed, my dislikes and likes would be fixed. That meant I would have to consider the idea about children. Currently, I had no interest in them unless it could be with Edward, and if I was changed, this attitude would follow me into immortality. I could live with that. I think, had I wanted children for sure, _that_ would've been an issue.

From what I understood from Edward and Carlisle, someone in the family regretted their inability to have children. From the few things I'd been told of her, I highly suspected it was Rosalie. Whether or not she died was immaterial. Staying alive, as a vampire, meant she'd live with the knowledge of what she had lost, forever.

However, I could choose. The question was, how much did Edward mean to me?

This brought me to Option 3. As painful as it was, I had to realize that unless I was Edward's mate, unless I was absolutely certain of us being together _forever_ , I could not take the chance to give up everything for a brief fling - my life, my family, my humanity. To me, Edward was my life despite how little time had passed.

I could not take the chance of staying with Edward, not as a human nor vampire, in case his mate suddenly arrived and claimed him. Despite how little time had passed, I found that I was deeply involved in our relationship, and emotionally dependent on him and his family. I had never become attached to anyone this fast, and I knew it would hurt to leave. Leaving scared me, but I would have no other choice.

I wanted to say I was certain that we were mates, for I had certainly been given enough incentive to believe just that. At the same time, Edward mesmerized me and made me stop thinking. I could not ignore that he had the _vampire allure_ , and this meant I didn't feel sure about anything. What if his allure made me think that this was more? What if his allure made me overthink our relationship? What if it was just an innocent fling to him, borne out of curiosity for my silent mind and my scent? What if I was just another Lauren Mallory, only one that he had allowed close, for a brief period of time? Even now, just thinking about him made me overthink.

I didn't think that the allure made me love Edward, but at the same time I knew I was human, and I had seen enough evidence of how humans reacted to vampires. Every day at school, I was reminded how attracted the humans were to the Cullens.

It was a relief that I wasn't affected by the other Cullen males, as that, at the very least, gave me some indication that it might not be due to his vampire-ism, but I needed to be sure.

I kept my thoughts to myself for a while. Despite insisting that I would have to pull out of this relationship, if it was just a fling, I had trouble actually having the talk with Edward. Each time, the mere thought of losing him forced me to ignore the topic. I felt more scared than ever, more in love than ever, and weaker than ever.

* * *

Despite my heavy and glum thoughts, happiness did have its way with me. Often, even.

In the darkness of November, Emmett claimed that it was time for our game, which Jasper had been forced to participate in, due to strange dares that I had no understanding of. I suspected each of us was only willing because we found the others' suffering amusing.

The rules were simple: we'd each choose an edible, _dead_ , thing. I had no doubt Jasper and Emmett chose disgusting things, in order to enjoy seeing me humiliated. Knowing they had to eat it as well made it seem worth it. Of course, that might just be Jasper's ability making me feel this way. Edward was also no help, as he did a good job of assuring me that it would be fun. It made me terribly suspicious of him.

"We need to establish rules," Jasper demanded as the first thing. He was grinning from ear to ear, all doped up on the emotional climate.

"Yes. Backing out means dress-up in public," Emmett gleefully said. I wondered if Emmett was a secret cross-dresser, as every dare he made included some form of dress-up.

"No," Edward replied, with a sigh. It didn't sound so bad, though, and I looked at him curiously, "Emmett wants you to wear leather clothes in public…" I gaped at him.

"No way, my _dad_ will see me!" I replied in shock. Emmett and Jasper laughed hysterically. "Can't it be tutu skirts? Something more innocent..."

"Or," Alice quickly said. "The loser has to wear their partner's clothes for a week in public." Alice grinned happily. So, I would wear Edward's clothes. That wasn't so bad.

Emmett realized the same thing as I did, "Not fair. Bella is a girl. Edward's clothes won't look as horrible on her, as Rose's clothes will look on me," Emmett whined, just as Rose entered. She joined our group and gave me a small smile. I beamed back, unable to contain myself. Jasper reveled in my happiness.

"Okay, what if she wears pink male clothes?" Jasper asked.

"I'll look like a pimp," I argued.

"The point is to ensure you won't back out," Edward pointed out. I grumbled to myself, but accepted the terms. I vowed _I_ wouldn't back out.

"What if none of them backs out?" Rosalie raised a valid point.

"Isn't watching your siblings eat disgusting things a reward in itself?" Alice laughed lightly.

"So, do we have an agreement? Backing out or _running off_ means losing?" Edward asked Emmett, Jasper, and me. We nodded in reply and prepared ourselves.

"So, little sister," Emmett teased me, making me grin happily at the nickname. "It's… Time," he whispered, theatrically. He was gone a second, making it look, to my human eyes, that he had simply vanished. I had barely registered it before he was back. He had produced something from the kitchen, and I instantly realized what it was.

"Oh," I grimaced. "Chili."

"The world's strongest chili!" Emmett pointed out.

"That's hardly fair," I responded. "You won't feel it," I mock-whined. I had thought this would be more disgusting to them - perhaps something with cake-like properties. Privately, I was a little relieved, since it could've been much worse. Chili wasn't so bad, was it?

"Don't worry, Bella," Alice laughed lightly, "I got your dare here," Alice produced a bucket of ice. We all stared at her, though Edward looked humored. Alice had told me she'd take care of my dare, but she never told me what it was.

"I don't get it, Alice," Emmett admitted.

"What's in the bucket, Alice?" Jasper actually looked somewhat frightened.

"Oh you know… Surströmming…" I stared at her incomprehensibly, while Edward snorted. Both Emmett and Jasper looked confused.

"Oh dear, do take it outside, Alice. In fact, do it at least 20 miles from here, downwind, mind you," Esme strode into the house, wearing her garden gloves. I stared at Esme as she strode past us, and then back at Alice.

"Fermented herring." Edward answered someone's unspoken question.

"That doesn't sound so bad," Emmett replied, unfazed. I agreed with him; fermented didn't seem bad. Alice and Edward smiled innocently.

"What about you, Jasper?" Emmett interrupted. "What is your dare?"

"I thought Bella should try some things from the animal kingdom, so I've brought edible insects-"

"No way!" I gasped, horrified. I wanted my food to _not_ resemble what it used to be. Jasper laughed at me.

"Are you backing out?" Jasper grinned at me.

"No!" I felt like stomping my foot. I should've been more specific in the rules.

"Good, because I really think you will love these larvae and cicadas." Jasper opened the small box, and I gagged. I stared at them, and realized I had somehow gotten the short straw in this game. Were pink clothes really that bad? Sure, I'd be mocked mercilessly at school, but I could always hide behind Alice and Edward. I was sure I could guilt-trip Edward into wearing something similar. I could make it a fashion challenge for Alice. This could actually work, I thought to myself.

"Eww…" Emmett said, disgusted.

"Well, while I'd love to stay and watch, but I can do that later through your minds. I happen to have things to do. I am sorry that I can't be there to cheer on you, Bella," Edward apologized sincerely. I was surprised at this; I had assumed he'd want to, at least, watch his brothers' doom.

"You're lying," Jasper growled. I stared at Edward's smirk.

"Well, yes..." Edward admitted with a smirk. He obviously knew more than he let on.

"I need to say a proper goodbye to my husband." Rosalie laughed and pulled Emmett with her, leaving his dare on the table. Alice and Jasper followed their lead, leaving Edward and me to ourselves.

"I think I've made a horrible mistake," I admitted.

"It will be horrible for them, too, don't worry," Edward assured me. "The insects are too dry, which will make it very difficult for Emmett and Jasper to chew," he looked at the insects with obvious distaste.

"And the herring?" I said anxiously.

Theatrically, Edward said, "alas, I think it would be wise if we didn't see each other for a while…" He lifted his hand to his forehead, giving the expression the feeling of feeling faint. I nudged his shoulder with a laugh.

"What did Alice see?" I wondered, curiously.

"Not much, since you're interfering with her vision," Edward replied, easily.

"Come on, you can't leave me…" I tried to beg him. "Where's your sense of chivalry?" I pouted. Edward laughed lightly, and leaned down to capture my lips in an innocent kiss.

"The last kiss before it's too late," he whispered, and deepened it for a few seconds. We were getting better at controlling ourselves when kissing, but then again, we had practiced _a lot._ Still, we both pulled away dazed, and I found it difficult to stand. Edward must've realized this, because when I was more lucid, we sat on the floor.

We stayed in each other's embrace until the others were _done_ , and then Edward ran with me to Mount Olympus.

"This is pretty far away from home - is it really necessary," Emmett eyed Alice's bucket.

"It's a nice view" Alice sang delightfully. "Here you go, Bella. You should open this first," Alice instructed. Edward looked at the scene with a neutral expression, which I knew meant something strange was going on. Jasper was narrowing his eyes, which I knew meant _he_ , too, was aware that something was off. Emmett seemed either oblivious or he was having too much fun to care.

"Right," I replied, and nodded. I watched both Alice and Edward wave goodbye and run off. "Should we be worried?" I wondered curiously.

"Naah," Emmett shrugged, his attention obviously diverted. I shared a look with Jasper, and noted that we probably _should_ be worried.

"Okay, so trust Alice, or?" I wondered.

"Don't trust Alice," Jasper instructed, seriously. I grinned at Jasper.

"Awww, come on! Are you chicken?" Emmett asked, with a laugh. He folded his arms and flapped them like a chicken, while clucking. I laughed at the sight.

"Let's just get it over with," Jasper insisted, and grabbed the can from the ice bucket. This seemed like the least terrible thing, to be honest.

Turned out, we _should've_ worried. When Jasper put pressure on the can, the can burst in his hands, literally. A foul streak of liquid sprayed out on all of us, though mostly on Jasper.

We all screamed and jumped back. Emmett and Jasper cried out loudly, and made heaving sounds, and only seconds later the most disgusting and putrid stench filled my nostrils.

It smelled rotten and beyond anything actually comprehensible. I felt like I had dipped my head into a publicly stuffed toilet. The stench was so foul that we all made reeking sounds. Emmett and Jasper were gone in an instant; I don't know who took off first, but I could hear them not far from me, screaming about the stench.

I couldn't move, as I wasn't entirely sure which direction their voices came from. Also, my human brain seemed to have several things it needed to catch up on.

"Bella wins!" A voice called loudly. I stared around me, confused, and I saw Alice and Edward some 30 yards from me.

"What happened?" I asked, still confused. I my lower lip was quivering, as if I was uncertain if I was about to vomit. My stomach tightened and my throat clenched. I tried to heave in air, but the air smelled so horribly foul and each breath made it worse.

Alice was next to me in an instant, and she tore off my clothes, leaving me in my underwear, and then she carried me speedily to a nearby lake.

"This is going to be cold, sorry," Alice warned, and threw me in. It was cold, but the smell still lingered in my skin.

"Why does it smell?! It STILL smells!" I cried out in horror.

"Sorry, I didn't see you'd be sprayed," Alice apologized, and dropped a sponge to me. I cleaned myself until Alice said I no longer smelled, and then I changed into the clothes Alice had brought.

"I thought you said you didn't think I'd get sprayed," I commented, as I got on the clothes.

"I might not see it, or you, but I like to be prepared." Alice winked at me.

"I feel like this was another set-up by Alice Cullen," I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Come on, Bella. You won," Alice laughed lightly. I lost my edge and calmed down.

"I thought you wanted Jasper to win," I wondered, surprised.

"Edward gave me an offer I couldn't refuse," Alice grinned at me. "Besides, Jasper and Emmett won't actually have to go out in public. Everyone thinks they're away at college, so no one will see them wearing the clothes anyway, except for the family," she pointed out. I realized that I had been the only one affected if I lost, as the whole town would see me.

"I think there are so many double crossings in this family. It makes my head spin," I replied, and shook my head.

"It spices things up," Alice shrugged, with a smile. Edward arrived a moment later with Jasper and Emmett in tow. I laughed when I saw them; both of them were wearing dresses, and I knew it couldn't belong to Alice or Rosalie, since that wouldn't fit. Edward flitted to my side, and gently, but fast, rubbed my arms, making my body warm up.

"I call cheating," Emmett growled in response to my laughter.

I laughed at the absurdity of what had happened. It had all happened so fast. Jasper started laughing, too, and a second later the rest followed suit. We laughed for a few minutes, until Jasper finally managed to wonder what it was we had opened.

"It can't have been edible," Emmett was sure.

"It is. In Sweden, Scandinavia, this is a traditional dish. It's basically very close to rotten fish. It's been prolonged for a long time…" Alice explained.

"Someone actually _eat this_ ," I asked, incredulous.

"Apparently," Edward shrugged.

"I wonder what it tastes like," I replied, unthinkingly, earning me stares all around. I laughed again, and once more we all laughed together.

"Still, this is cheating. You even had the clothes ready for us," Jasper pouted, but Alice kissed him tenderly in response.

"Like I told Bella, it's not like you will have to show yourself to the rest of the town, which _she_ would've…" Alice said. Despite the logic of Alice's argument, I was sure that Emmett was planning some form of retribution. Edward assured me that I was safe, but Alice wasn't. Of course, whatever he did would likely backfire, since Alice would see it coming.

Since Jasper and Emmett had lost, we avoided eating any of the food, for which I was truly grateful, and so were they.

A few days later, Alice received a yellow Porsche.

* * *

I started applying for college in late November; I needed to apply, both for my own sake and for my parents', but also because I didn't want to assume anything in regards of Edward. We were pretty tight, and I had promised Carlisle to consider the ramifications. So far, from what I'd gathered, being a vampire meant you'd never change, it meant no kids, no growing old, and a life of solitude - to a certain extent. I knew I couldn't hold off the conversation about mating indefinitely, and when I started looking at universities in the colder areas, I reluctantly decided that I would have to speak with Edward.

"What are you up to?" Edward slipped inside my room, and I turned off my computer. We kissed each other in greeting and managed to stay sane through it all, which was a small victory.

"I need to start applying for college," I admitted, not mentioning that it was colleges in colder areas. Edward looked at me enthusiastically.

"I thought you were applying already? Are you expanding your horizon? Where are you applying?" He wondered, eagerly, while he caressed my hand.

"I'm not sure yet, perhaps… somewhere cold?" I wondered, hesitantly, while watching his expression. He looked elated at the idea, and I mentally tried to calm myself. There was a deal-breaker hidden in the conversation, and I worried I was going to get hurt. At the same time, I was rational enough to realize that if I cared so much after just a few months, what would happen in a year? The longer I waited, the greater the pain. Rip it off like a band aid - I had prolonged it long enough.

"I need to talk to you," I sat on my bed, and beckoned him further.

"We've been going slowly. I didn't want to overwhelm you," Edward told me. Alice must've seen something, since he already had an idea about what I wanted to talk about. Hesitantly, he slipped his hand to my face and brushed my cheek. I felt the tingling sensation, but ignored it for the time being. Our touches were always slow and careful. I yearned for him to grab me and kiss me passionately, like he did in my dreams.

"We need to make a choice," I replied. "I need to know what _this_ is. I know about your vampire allure, and I worry that it's what makes me love you. At the same time, none of the others affect me like you do." My words were rushed.

"I'll give you anything you want," Edward promised me, sincerely. At the same time, he seemed sad. "I don't want to be without you. I tried it and it didn't work… I know I'm selfish, but-" I cut him off.

"I don't want to be without you, but I need to know: am I your mate? Or am I… am I a delusional teenage girl?" I whispered, and looked away. With a finger on my chin, Edward turned my gaze gently back to him.

"It's such a damning word," Edward admitted, while his hand gently played with a strand of my hair. "I wanted you to make the choice yourself, but when it comes to mating I don't think there ever is a choice," Edward admitted. My stomach knotted. "We're mates." His hands grasped mine and we both enjoyed the tingling sensation. "I have no doubt we are, nor does my family. It's rather uncommon," he admitted. I breathed out heavily, suddenly feeling much lighter.

"But being a mate… it _should_ be a choice… If you want something else…" Edward trailed off.

"Edward, mating doesn't make me do something against my will - I think," I told him. "I _want_ you. I _have_ a choice and I have made it."

"Then why are you worried?" He wondered, curious.

"Because if we weren't mates, if this was just a fling - to you - I would need to… I," I trailed off painfully. "I won't give up my family for a fling. To me, this is the real deal. I just needed to know if it was for you, too," I told him.

"I have no doubt that we're mates," Edward admitted, but there was still some sadness in his eyes.

"Then why do you seem so sad?" I wondered, matching the sadness in his eyes with my voice.

"I-" He raked his hands through his hair. "You remember I told you how I tried to leave? The truth is, I don't wish for anyone to become a vampire. The thought of you lifeless terrifies me. I'm scared that you'll lose your soul because of our bond," he admitted, and shrunk back. I realized how scared he had been to tell me this.

"My soul?" I wondered. We had spoken about souls before, I recalled.

"I know you argued that this is our nature, and that we're not damned for being vampires," Edward explained, uncomfortably. I stroked his hand, hoping to convey my support. "I was raised differently and it's ingrained in me to think this way. I _have_ changed since I met you, but there is still a part of me that's utterly terrified that I am damning you," he sighed. "I want to give you the world; you deserve a real life - to have children and grow old…"

"You mentioned this before." I couldn't help the slight anger that tinted my voice. "I find it very _rude_ to say there's only one way to live our lives… What about the people who cannot have children, or live a different sort of life? Are they lesser beings?" My voice smoothed out, making it sound rhetorical. Edward didn't answer. It hurt to think that he was fighting _us_.

"I dreamed about you - even before we became friends," I admitted. "I think the bond was strong long before our consciousness's acknowledged it," I said. "While I understand your fear, I don't share it, nor do I share the view of how a _real life_ should be..."

"It's a double standard, I know. Of course I don't think lesser of humans who cannot have children, but at the same time, I think lesser of vampires for being unable to do just that… I have my issues, and you were right when you wondered if I had trouble accepting myself as a vampire…" Edward hung his head in shame, but I patted his hand to let him know I was there for him.

"Perhaps, in time, I might see things differently, especially because you will help me." He gave me a wry smile. "Until then, know that I won't stand in your way with _my_ beliefs. I won't decide anything on your behalf, because I understand that my belief isn't yours… I will change you if you ask it of me, but I must know that it is something you truly want. It's a never-changing process, and I couldn't bare it if you ever regretted it..." Edward whispered, quietly. It was my turn to turn his head upward to face me.

"We have time. I want us to do this together. I want us _both_ to be completely on board. No regrets," I promised him. His face split into a calm smile. I added: "There's no point in my humanity without you, is there?" I questioned rhetorically. "Without you, why have children? You'd feel the same way if it was the other way around."

"Yes," he acknowledged, heavily.

"I _want_ you. And I've considered the ramifications. I am not sure I am ready to become a vampire just yet, but I know that I want to become one and be with you. I don't want anyone else, and staying human is simply too dangerous," I told him. "I promise I will let you know if my thoughts changes. If you ever feel scared or worried, or even excited, please share it with me." I told him quietly. "I…" I faltered, knowing I was about to reveal something that scared me. "Sometimes, when we speak of this, I feel like you're fighting _us_ , but your actions shows that you accept it. I worry that it's because you've given up, because fighting it is too hard…"

Edward relaxed more and nodded.

"I'm sorry," Edward apologized. "I didn't mean to make you feel this way." He sighed quietly. "There was a time when I would've fought you on this matter, no matter what the facts said. I would've said we could be together and keep you human, but now I am not so sure. Not because I worry you'll be harmed, but rather because it's unnecessary. There is no one else for us, and while we might not be able to have kids, you've opened up my eyes in regards to my personal beliefs. I still need time, but I am glad you're willing to go slow with me… I understand now that there's more ways to live a life than the one I was brought up with..." We shared a kiss and then lay on my bed, hugging, for a long time. "I am not fighting _us_. I love you!" His voice was serious, and I held him tighter.

We were silent for a while, and eventually Edward broke the silence. "You've opened all of our eyes to becoming more human." Edward chuckled. "We're even talking about joining after school- activities the next place we go to." He laughed lightly and I grinned, pleased.

"Really? That's perfect," I said. My thoughts strayed to Jasper, who was doing much better since I regularly gave him a piece of clothing with my scent. It seemed that being more around me made him more controlled. In fact, when we went shopping a while ago, he had looked much more relaxed than I had ever seen him around humans. Of course, my experience with him was short, and it was through Jasper himself that I realized how much he had suffered. My constant happy mood always made him gravitate to me, and we often ended up talking.

I loved hearing about his life as a human. He remembered so much, and it was a very different life than the lives the others had led.

"Rosalie is even contemplating working with children. That might take a while, but like you said: if Carlisle can take a chance with his dream, why shouldn't Rosalie? It will require much effort and help, but I think, in time, she might be able to be like Carlisle around blood. She's certainly determined. She's considering working as a nurse to start out with, so that Carlisle can be near her to support her," Edward admitted.

"I feel such a relief." I breathed out heavily. Edward grinned.

"Me too," he admitted. "We've been skating around a lot of subjects since we got together," Edward said. "We both needed time, but I can see it from your point of view, as well. I can understand your worry. I've been waiting for you for 90-odd years, so when Alice saw you, I knew right away what you were to me. But you were rushed into everything," Edward explained. I nodded sagely.

"I did need time, but less time that I anticipated. Then again, the whole 'applying for college' set a lot into motion. I don't want to go somewhere you can't follow," I said. He squeezed my hand.

"So, which colleges have you applied for?" Edward wondered. I launched into a tale about the places I applied for. Most of them were secondary wishes, as they were places Edward probably couldn't stay at, but I'd applied in order to have a safety net. Edward acknowledged my plans and approved of my decision, and thought-process, and he told me about the colleges that were available to him.

He even mentioned places in Europe. I knew that by going to Europe, I would be able to become a vampire without my parent's knowledge. I could pretend to be human for a while longer, thus keeping them in my life. I would be able to talk to them on phone and email, for a little while, at least.

I wasn't sure if dragging it out would help or not, so I decided to keep my options open.

* * *

 **Please review. I get so happy :) If you have any questions, or just helpful advice, let me know!**


	17. Christmas revelations

Thanks to Mommy Laura for BETA-ing the story.

Thanks to all the kind reviews! Especially thanks to the people who follow the story and always review! You're pretty awesome :)

* * *

 **Chapter 17 – Christmas revelations**

The Christmas holiday paved the way for more interesting times.

Charlie was taking time off to be with me some more, and Esme insisted on inviting him for dinner at the Cullen home. I worried that playing human would take its toll on my vampire family, but I was surprised at how eager they all were - even Rosalie. The normalcy was bringing her out of the garage, and I hoped I would get the chance to bond with her, before she hid herself away again. Edward said she wasn't nearly as bad as she had been before. She was quite reserved towards me, but not unkind or cruel.

"It's a beautiful home you have," Charlie commented when we arrived together for dinner.

"Thank you, Charlie." Carlisle introduced Esme, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper. While Charlie was kept occupied by Carlisle and Esme, the _kids_ were free to roam around and enjoy ourselves. A perk, Alice joked, of being a young adult. You avoided weird questions and responsibilities.

"I think it's crazy how people can't seem to look beyond your beauty, and see how different you are." I shook my head in amazement. "But, Charlie is a cop. He's supposed to be suspicious. Won't he find it odd that you're all very cold? Despite not being related, you're all very similar..."

"First of all: assuming that we're supernatural is a very outlandish thought to have, right off the bat. People tend to make excuses to explain what they've seen. Secondly, we've taken precautions." Edward smirked at me and grasped my hand. To my surprise, his hand felt warm and I turned his hand around, curious. At my questioning look, Edward elaborated. "It was Rosalie's idea. We don't interact much with humans, so we didn't consider it. Carlisle probably should've considered it, considering his work." Edward smiled wryly and produced a small bag from his pocket. The bag felt warm.

"It's a heat pad," Edward explained. "When this metal is prodded, a chemical reaction occurs, warming the pad. We each have one. It's quite a brilliant idea, and Carlisle is very eager to use it at the hospital."

"Wow, that's quite impressive," I replied.

"Another thing we've never thought about," Edward murmured, and shook his head in obvious self-contempt. I was beginning to realize the effect I had had on them. Only now, that they were forced to interact more with a human, did they realize how bad they were at it.

"Soon you can befriend Lauren and Jessica without worrying that they'll discover your secret," I winked at him, and I laughed when he made a face. His eyes showed he was no longer sad, which had been my goal.

Before dinner, I pulled Charlie over to Edward's piano. I wanted to show him what I had learned. It wasn't a big production or anything too complicated, but Charlie was still proud of me. I felt I had slaved away to learn this piece of music, especially since I wasn't exactly musically gifted. Luckily, Charlie wasn't musically gifted, either, so he was oblivious to the few errors I made.

Afterwards, Edward joined me on a piece of Christmas music, and we made everyone laugh at my poor attempt at playing synchronized with Edward; his parts flowed beautifully, while mine seemed edged and abrupt. Still, seeing Charlie smile had been my objective and I had obviously succeeded.

Dinner was an interesting affair. I had not been included in the planning, but I picked it up pretty fast. Carlisle and Esme would show good parenting; they wanted to show Charlie that they were trustworthy and upstanding citizens and parents. Everyone else pretended to be diligent children. Rosalie and Emmett pretended to attend college, but they were home for the holidays. They talked about Dartmouth and how exciting college-life was.

In between their stories, Rosalie and Emmett gave the distinct impression that they were in a relationship, which I could tell made Charlie pause for the briefest of seconds. Carlisle and Esme explained that, since none of them were actually related, they accepted that their foster kids dated; they preferred to give knowledge, rather than foster ignorance. I could tell Charlie admired and agreed with that attitude. I knew he was completely swept off his feet by both Carlisle and Esme. Were in not because I knew the truth, I would've believed every word Carlisle and Esme said. As it was, I was simply in awe at their ability to spin stories.

I was amazed at my vampire family's ability to make anyone feel calm, even if it was just a show they put on. Emmett and Jasper were both great at talking sports with Charlie, and they easily made him feel at ease. Alice, whom Charlie cared for to bits, was great at talking about whatever came to mind. I think it made Charlie feel more of a parent when he listened to Alice's stories. Her attitude sometimes resembled that of a child's; she was eager to tell someone what she had been up to. Charlie loved to feel included, and I knew I was never good at telling about my life, so Alice did it for me. I felt very grateful for her, and I knew I would have to tell her that later.

Edward tried to be the perfect son-in-law, and he eagerly listened to Charlie's stories.

All in all, when I looked around me, I saw how eager and happy my vampire family was to include Charlie. It made me beyond happy and grateful. It also meant that sometimes, Jasper wasn't able to contain the happiness from us all, especially from me, and he'd end up overloading us all; we'd all become very blissfully quiet. The unnatural feeling was obvious to those who knew, and I thought Charlie must think we were on something.

"You should say something to Bella, Charlie. Bella won't help me buy clothes for the poor." Alice distracted Charlie, when one of the calm moods had lasted for an especially long time.

"The poor?" Charlie wondered, coming out of his daze. He blinked owlishly.

"It was actually Bella and Edward's idea," Esme explained, happily. The flow of conversation started up again. "I usually bake for the hospital in the holidays, but Edward and Bella suggested we go the extra mile and help out more. We're renting a place in Seattle this holiday; Rosalie and Emmett are on food-duty, Carlisle will do free examinations, Alice and Bella are on clothes-duty, and Jasper and Edward will shave and cut hair on the men who wants it. I will distribute the homeless to shelters and give out sleeping bags."

"Bella, how can you _not_ want to help out Alice?" Charlie turned to me in obvious disappointment.

"I _do_ want to help, but Alice's form of help is beyond the limitations Carlisle and Esme set," I replied, smirking in Alice's direction. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Alice," Esme warned. This had been an ongoing debate. Alice wanted to dress the needy and the homeless in Gucci and designer clothes, but Carlisle and Esme insisted that the clothed be neat and coordinated, but _practical_. Still, the clothes were already bought, and I was sure Alice had sneaked some designer clothes into the piles.

"You should join us, Charlie," Carlisle suggested, distracting Charlie from the topic of clothes. "I am sure you can direct people who need help. You know the system, after all…"

Charlie nodded eagerly, and the following weekend our first day of helping started.

* * *

I had never helped out in the community before. Had it not been for Edward, I would never have considered it. I was looking forward to it. There were many benefits from doing this, but the more personal benefit was in the form of Billy Black's shock.

Billy had approached me a few days prior and tried to persuade me into staying away from the Cullens, since Sam's warning was apparently lost on me.

"You have no idea how dangerous they are!" Billy was obviously agitated. He had arrived before Charlie had gotten off from work, and he had gotten rid of Jacob by saying he forgot something at home.

"I am quite aware," I responded.

"Are you?" Billy considered me carefully.

"Yes, I know what they are." I turned to face Billy. "Do not mistake me as an ignorant little girl, Billy. Carlisle Cullen told me to always consider the good and the bad when interacting with them," I explained.

"The good and the bad," Billy growled. "Did you consider you might die?"

"Yes." My calm response startled him and he was at a loss for words. "Billy, I've made my choice. I know what they are and what they _aren't_. You know as well…" Or so I assumed. The Cullens had been reluctant to give information about the Quileute tribe, but from what I understood, they somehow knew of the Cullen secret.

"If you know, then why are you doing this? Bella, we can help you on the Rez," Billy begged. I sighed, and sat down nearby.

"Billy," I said reluctantly. "I refuse to judge someone based on their color _or_ species. The Cullens are good people. In a few days they are going to Seattle to help homeless and poor people, and Charlie and I will join them. They're not sinking their teeth into them, they're not doing nefarious things. You have your _legends_ , but that's all they are." Billy looked upset and shocked at the same time. It was almost comical.

"This will be the death of you!" Billy replied angrily.

"I won't listen to more of your prejudice," I replied, coolly. I rose from my seat and left Billy behind, as I went to the kitchen to cook. I was angry, but I had no idea how to make Billy understand. No matter what happened, if I died or became a vampire, I would need his help with Charlie. I couldn't tell him this, and it was enormously frustrating.

* * *

Helping those in need was a fascinating experience. I loved that Charlie partook, as it made him and me closer, but also him and my vampire family.

Esme had obviously considered each of our strengths. When someone arrived they were offered a shower and new clothes by Alice and me. Alice surprised me; she had hardly bought any designer clothes. Instead, she focused on basic clothes and how to make it awesome. While giving people new clothes, and extra sets as well, Alice asked about each person's dreams, likes, and dislikes - as well as their past. I copied her and tried to make people talk about themselves. Some were eager to tell about their lives and some weren't. Some had chosen the simple life, while others had had no choice.

After having clothed them, Jasper and Edward took good care of them, after which Rosalie and Emmett ensured that everyone were well-fed. Carlisle and Charlie helped with examinations and legal advice, while Esme gave out sleeping bags, and arranged for pick-ups to various homeless shelters to those who needed it.

To my surprise, I found that there weren't that many homeless people, but quite a lot of poor people. With the low minimum wage, poor people were everywhere. It was terrifying to realize, but some people had a full-time job, and they didn't make enough money to survive.

"This is utter crap!" I growled, angrily, when Edward and I had had a spare moment together. "These people are working a full-time job at minimum wage! If someone spend their life working, they should make enough money to actually survive! I don't care if they work at McDonald's, because they're still working all their hours, and getting nothing from it! I feel like the system is screwing people over!"

"I know," Edward replied simply. "But we can't change the mentality from one day to the next."

"Can't we?" I replied, sourly.

"Like with all things, you can't force people to change their entire mentality. It's a slow-going process. Despite the western countries eagerness to supply _freedom_ to various other countries, it won't actually work if the people aren't mentally ready for it. We've seen it throughout history. The USA was built on different principles, some of which is the American Dream… There's little room for those who doesn't reach the _American Dream_ …" He trailed off. "There will be, eventually." He gave me a small smile.

"What did Alice see?" I wondered, hopeful.

"One day, the country will be more like Canada and many Scandinavian countries. Wages will be more aligned; of course, you can never get rid of the 1%, no matter which country it is, but minimum wages will be raised and healthcare will be for everyone… But everything takes time..."

"But soon," I almost begged. "It's so hard to listen to their stories. They work so much, but get nothing from it. It's like a waste of time…"

"Her visions are blurry," Edward seemed to be concentrating. I realized he was looking into Alice's mind. "The entire world might be united one day… or it might not…" He smiled at me. "It's difficult to see so far into the future. Also, humanity is often cruel. To become united and reach beyond just our own, tiny planet, will require many years – if it ever happens…"

"I hope it will happen. A united Earth sounds pretty cool," I admitted. "I just don't like waiting."

"Alice are checking out people's futures, and I am looking into their minds to see what's there. When we see someone with potential, we ensure they get a full scholarship – we're trying to make people better, and consequently the world." Edward admitted. My heart swelled and I actually felt like crying. I felt so blessed and so privileged, and it was hard not to be affected.

I spent some time with Charlie, too. I actually started crying as I thanked him for what he had given me. He hugged me tightly and told me he was proud of me, and that he loved me. I had never been this close with Renee, and I had never imagined that I would get this close with Charlie. I was beyond grateful.

Everyone was more subdued through the Christmas holidays, and it was borne from our continuous help in Seattle, which we did most of the days throughout the holiday. I don't think any of us could've anticipated the effect helping like this affected us. Even Esme admitted that it had always been easy just to bake some cakes and send them off with Carlisle.

The experience certainly opened up for more varied and philosophical discussions about economics and societal builds, as well as leadership, corruption, and power.

Rosalie had been especially affected by the children from the poor neighborhoods. She decided she wanted to be a social worker, and she wanted to help the children in vulnerable areas. Her insistence and determination really awed me and the other Cullens as well.

The biggest hindrance was the bloodlust. The problem wasn't so much attacking a human or running away, in case of spilled blood, but rather staying sane and helping while the blood flowed freely right in front of them. Carlisle was the only one they knew who had the strength.

* * *

Christmas day and eve turned out to be a strained affair. Charlie usually celebrated with Billy and Jacob, and this year was no different. Billy and Jacob arrived early on the 24th, just after I had spoken with Renee on the phone, wishing her a happy holiday.

"Wow, you've grown… It's been, like, a month since I last saw you." I eyed Jacob with surprise. His hair was cropped short, and he had obviously been lifting weight. I couldn't ignore the obvious muscles, and I started to worry if Jacob was doing drugs. He didn't look like this the last time I saw him.

"I had a growth spurt." Jacob shrugged. His response was standoffish, which surprised me.

"So, what are you up to?" I wondered, curious. Jacob responded with another shrug. I could tell he seemed off today, so I left Jacob in the living room with Charlie and Billy.

However, barely had I started dinner when I heard raised voices.

"They're good people," Charlie told Billy, clearly frustrated. I knew immediately of whom the conversation revolved about. Jacob stood behind Charlie, and each word Charlie spoke seemed to make Jacob shake even more with obvious anger, though neither Charlie nor Billy seemed to notice. I knew the saying "shaking with hatred" existed, but I had never seen anything like this; he looked like he was going to explode. Jacob, to my horror, sent me a disgusted and angry look, before almost ran out of the house. I stared after him in shock. Charlie and Billy seemed to recover from their dispute.

"What's up with Jacob?" I derailed the tension. Wasn't rage a side-effect from anabolic steroids? Was that what Jacob was on? A memory triggered in my mind, and I recalled Sam Uley shaking at the store, just before he had left. I had briefly felt afraid of him.

"He just needs to run off some steam - he's a growing kid with lots of energy," Billy replied with ease. I bit my lip, uncertain. I had seen how Jacob looked, and he had looked utterly furious. For a second, I had worried.

"Why don't you find him, Bella," Charlie suggested. I could tell he wanted to speak with Billy in private, and I grabbed my jacket.

Outside, I had no idea where to go. Their car stood in the driveway, so Jacob must've run or walked wherever he went. I looked up and down the street, hoping to discern his direction, but nothing gave it away. I decided to let it be, and go for a short walk instead.

It ended up being Jacob who found me. He strolled out from the forest area not far from my house.

"Jacob, are you alright?" I wondered. He still looked slightly annoyed, but not as much as earlier. Perhaps getting some fresh air did him good.

"Sure," Jacob replied, his voice still cool.

"You must be freezing in so little clothes." I tried to ease the tension with a joke. His clothes _were_ scarce, though. Jacob replied with a cold shrug. "Jacob, you seem pissed. Did something happen with Billy?"

"Billy? No." Jacob tone was mocking humorous. I felt his anger was directed at me, but for the life of me, I couldn't understand why.

"Did I do something wrong? Why are you angry?" I wasn't going to spend Christmas in this mood, so I decided I might as well ask.

"Wrong? Nothing is wrong. Everything is peachy." Jacob responded mockingly with a fake, high pitched voice. "I mean, my father's best friend is defending a bunch of psychopaths, and his daughter is in love with one of them…" I stepped back in surprise.

"I thought you didn't believe in legends," I replied vaguely, trying mentally to put the pieces together. How did Jacob know?

"Things change." We stared at each other, waiting. I wanted to tell him to mind his own business, but I realized that probably wouldn't happen. Instead, considering it was Christmas, I decided to just ignore it.

"Well, let's get inside. I've prepared some delicious lunch," I gestured towards the house, but Jacob barked out a loud, startling me.

"You're not even denying it!" His tone was accusing.

"It's not your business," I eventually said and turned to walk away. Jacob grabbed my arm and spun me around. The force of his grip, and the strength of his turn, made me stumble and fall.

"Like hell it is!" Jacob growled. His ran a hand over his face, and then he extended a hand to help me up. I basked his hand away in defiance and pulled myself up.

"Why?" I replied angrily.

"Because they're monsters!" Jacob said angrily. "And you don't seem to _care_!" Jacob was almost yelling now, and his body was shaking.

"Enough. I don't hate an entire species just for existing. Let's go inside." My tone was final, and I turned towards the house. Jacob's angry hissing forced me to turn around again, and I saw that he was shaking violently. Suddenly, Jacob seemed to explode and I shrieked in surprise and fell back. In front of me stood a giant, russet wolf; It stared at me for a second, before it jumped into the woods and out of sight.

I stared towards the wood in shock; I could feel my heart beating furiously away. I wanted to run home to Charlie, I wanted to call Edward and the Cullens, but my body didn't work; I felt rooted in fear.

A million thoughts ran through my mind, but I couldn't seem to grasp them. I tried to understand what had happened, but my mind refused to acknowledge what I had seen.

Someone called my name.

"Bella." Sam's broke through the clouds in my mind, and I immediately stepped back.

"Get away from me!" I demanded, fearfully. Instinctively, I knew Sam was a werewolf as well; I had seen him shiver with anger, just like Jacob had in the house, and just like Jacob had minutes ago before he turned into a werewolf.

"Bella, please. I am not here to harm you." Sam neared with very slow and measured steps.

"Jacob just turned into a werewolf. I know you are one as well!" I stepped back from Sam and he paused.

"We're wolves, not _were_ wolves. Did the Cullens tell you that?" Sam voice was accusing and his eyes were hard.

I snorted angrily, "Please! You and Jacob are similar; I am not blind. I can put two and two together. I saw you shake when we spoke at the store, just like Jacob did before he turned into a wolf…" Sam seemed momentarily mollified.

"Sam," Jacob's voice called out, and I saw Jacob slip out of the forest. He was wearing new clothes, which was a good thing, as the clothes he had had on were torn to pieces, and lay scattered where he had burst from them. As Jacob neared, I took another step back, and he came to a halt.

"Bella, I'm so sorry!" Jacob said, painfully. I felt angry with him.

"All the bullshit you spouted about the Cullens, and it turns out _you're_ there one who's dangerous!" I snarled, angrily.

"The Cullens are dangerous," Sam stated.

"Cut the crap, Sam," I snarled. "I know what the Cullens are, I know that they have the capacity to be dangerous. I also know that none of them have been close to hurting me as Jacob was tonight." I stared coldly at them both. Sam seemed a bit uncomfortable.

"We're protectors of human life," Jacob tried to reason with me. Something tickled in the back of my mind; a story about a girl who had been a victim of a bear-attack. Didn't Charlie say it was Sam's girlfriend?

"I heard about the bear-attack. It wasn't a bear, was it?" My question surprised Sam, and I saw the pain on his face before he could even consider hiding it. "Oh my god, it was you," I realized, horrified. "You hurt her and you have the gall to call yourself protectors! You have the audacity to call the Cullens dangerous, despite them being vegetarians!"

"Vegetarians!" Jacob growled.

"Shut up, Jacob! Sam has hurt a girl and you nearly hurt me!" I snarled in reply, staring at Sam. Silence reigned.

"We're all upset right now, let's calm down," Sam intoned calmly, gesturing just as calmly with his hands.

"Yes, let's do before one of you _lose_ control," I replied snidely. Jacob looked at me angrily, but he could hardly object, considering how close I had been to him when he changed.

"There's no point in standing around. You're clearly biased and you refuse to believe anything else…"

"Are you saying they're _not_ dangerous?" Jacob interrupted me, challenging me,

"No, Jacob, that's not what I am saying. What I _am_ saying is that they're vegetarians. They strive to be amongst human and they have excellent control. They don't want to be monsters, Jacob, and treating them as such without reason is unfair." I replied, coolly. "Before you pass judgement, perhaps you should take a look in the mirrror!"

"So you admit there's a risk," Jacob countered.

"You are so fucking dumb." I paused to let it sink in. Jacob made a surprised expression, before he tensed. "There's a risk around you, but you seem to ignore _that_ …" There was no comeback, of course. "Carlisle asked me to consider my involvement in their family very carefully-" I said.

Once more, Jacob interrupted me. "So you know the risks and you choose to ignore them?" His attitude was petulant.

"Okay, I'm going to cut this out in tiny bits for you both," I said, very quietly. "I know the risks and I've chosen to accept them. Just like you did, Jacob, when you _apparently_ decided it was safe enough to join Charlie and me for Christmas dinner. If you recall, you almost turned into a wolf in my living room. I saw you shake when Charlie stood up for the Cullens, right before you left. You turned into a wolf _right in front_ of me. You nearly hit me! Don't you dare say that _your_ kind of supernatural is safe and dandy!" I hissed. For good measurement, I added, "Just like you, Sam, thought it was safe to be around your own girlfriend…" There was real pain in Sam's eyes.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Jacob whispered, painfully.

"The Cullens would never hurt me on purpose, either. In fact, they told me the truth, so I could make an educated choice. Don't pretend that you're better than the Cullens," I lectured coldly and stared at them both pointedly. "So far, the only supernatural danger towards me has been you."

"I would like to talk to you about this some more; It's clear you know quite a bit more than we do," Sam suggested, politely. I knew he would try to sway me in some way if I agreed, but it would be a chance for me to sway them, too.

"Right, let me inform my vampire boyfriend and his family that I am going to visit some hazardous wolves, so they can tell me about life," I rolled my eyes.

"They don't have to know, unless you can't do anything without their permission," Jacob said, innocently. I rolled my eyes at his pitiful attempt.

"Jacob," Sam warned.

"I will not keep this from the Cullens, and when they find out, I bet they'll react just as you have. Unlike you, they have reasons to back up their refusal," I warned.

"They know we're keepers of _life_ ," Sam intoned.

"Are you sure? I could've sworn I was almost mauled a few minutes ago-"

"Bella, please!" Jacob whined. I could tell he regretted what had happened, but he was acting like a big baby. He was completely ignoring the danger surrounding himself.

"Let's talk about it some other day," I agreed. Jacob moved towards me, but I held up a hand. "No offence, Jacob, but you _did_ nearly maul me, and you _were_ close to changing in front of Charlie. You haven't proven your control, so I won't be letting you into my home, or near Charlie, or myself." Jacob looked at me shocked. "You're a danger."

Before Jacob could answer, Sam said, "Tell Billy that I needed Jacob's help. He'll understand," Sam ended our conversation, and I turned and left.

I stood on the porch for a few minutes, trying to gather my strength, and courage.

"Did you find him?" Charlie asked when I entered. It seemed Billy and Charlie had calmed down and were back to being great friends.

"There's been some urgent situation, so Jacob had to help Sam in La Push," I lied.

"On Christmas day?" Charlie looked towards Billy.

"Jacob wouldn't leave unless it was urgent," Billy soothed.

"Can we help?" Charlie wondered. I crossed my arms, curious as to the reply.

"I am sure he's got it under control, otherwise he'll let us know," Billy assured Charlie. "Besides, there's plenty of time till dinner, so I bet he'll be back before then," Billy smiled easily.

 _Not likely,_ I responded mentally. Out loud, I said, "I'll be in the kitchen."

As I cooked, I tried to clear my mind, and answer the few questions I could.

I didn't really want to believe that Jacob had meant harm, and both Jacob and Sam had been sincere in their regret. Still, Jacob _was_ dangerous, obviously, and calling himself a _protector_ wouldn't change that.

I wanted to speak to Billy about it, but now was not the time, since Charlie was around, and he deserved a calm Christmas. Besides, asking Billy would only make him question what I knew, so it would be better if we could find a different day to talk things through.

I had an inkling of hope, that one day we could all be friends, but I was aware of how naive that seemed.

Jacob didn't come back for Christmas eve, and Charlie simply had to accept whatever excuse Billy came up with. Seeing that Billy was OK with it, Charlie was unable to argue on the matter.

It was far from the best Christmas I had ever had. Edward and his family wrote me a message to wish Charlie and me merry Christmas, which had brightened my evening quite a bit. I didn't share this with Charlie until Billy had left. Billy was picked up by Emily, Sam's girlfriend. I noticed her scarred face, and I wondered how she could stand being in the same room as Sam. She sent me a wry smile as she introduced herself, and only her kind and unassuming manners, prevented me to point out that her own boyfriend had destroyed half of her face. It would have been a cruel thing to point out, but I was done being pleasant.

* * *

Through the night, the anger dissipated, but that might have been due to Edward arriving to hold me when I went to bed. I was letting go of the idea of him watching me. I knew him better now, and I found I needed him, which removed all thoughts of creepy-ness. Then again, having my boyfriend stay over wasn't creepy.

I didn't tell him what I had learned, as I was too tired, but I would when we got the time.

If Christmas eve had been the worst I had ever had, then Christmas morning was the best I had ever had. Edward woke me up with light kisses, and we snuggled until Charlie got up. I prepared breakfast for both Charlie and myself, and we watched Christmas cartoons until noon, where we went to visit the Cullens for our second Christmas.

"Charlie, Bella!" Esme greeted us happily upon arriving. Charlie flushed as Esme insisted on hugging him, which I found amusing. He was like me; he was easily overwhelmed by the kindness of the family, and the attentive behavior of Esme.

"Merry Christmas," Charlie offered Esme a beautiful bouquet of flowers, as well as some expensive chocolates. I had briefly considered trying to dissuade him from buying it, but realized it would seem odd. Instead, I made him buy the ones I liked.

The Cullens greeted us both eagerly.

"So, how was your Christmas?" Esme asked interestedly, as we all settled into the living room.

"It was very calm. Jacob was busy and ended up not joining us at all," Charlie explained.

 _Oh, you know, Jacob nearly mauled me when he turned into a giant wolf. I forbade him to visit, so he couldn't join us for Christmas_ , I said in my own mind.

"How odd, it's Christmas," Esme said, unassuming.

"Kids nowadays. I hope I raised you better, Bella," Charlie gave me a look.

"Of course, dad. I won't ditch you on Christmas," I assured him obediently. Another lie. I was planning on ditching him forever. Jasper sent me a look, clearly wondering about my emotions. I shrugged and calmed myself.

The day passed in a much better and lighter mood than the day before. Dinner had been a hilarious affair, and both Charlie and I were regaled with the most outlandish stories. I was certain they were true, but Charlie simply laughed, thinking everything was just funny stories and jokes.

After dinner, Edward and I played on the piano, as everyone sang Christmas carols.

We stayed until late, making me unable to tell the Cullens about what had happened with Sam and Jacob, but I did tell them that I would see them tomorrow, because I had something I wanted to share with them.

All in all, Christmas had been awesome.

* * *

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	18. The Meeting

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* * *

 **Chapter 18 - The Meeting**

The following morning, on the 26th of December, Edward picked me up. He had spent the night at home, enjoying his time with his family, and doing whatever vampires did at night.

"They all missed you. _I_ missed you." He held me close to him, he and chuckled when I tried to hug him tightly.

"I missed you, too. To think, only a month ago I thought the idea of you watching me sleep horrifying! All I want now is that you stay the night," I admitted with a light blush and a shake of my head. Edward chuckled lightly.

"I _am_ your boyfriend, so I suppose our situation is normal - now, at least. I'm glad I can stay, though." His voice was a whisper, sending shivers down my spine.

"You can watch me anytime," I whispered, quietly. His eyes darkened slightly and he leaned closer to me. The sudden intensity of his gaze and our closeness made my body tingle. He leaned down and kissed me. As we kissed, our bodies pressed against each other, trying to be as close as possible. Edward pressed his body against mine, and I moaned quietly.

We broke apart, having reached the point where both our sanities were flailing. I leaned against the wall, trying to catch my breath, and give my racing heart a pause.

We embraced again, but this time just hugging.

"You are incredible," Edward whispered into my hair. We broke apart and slipped outside. The cool December air cleared my head, and I sent Edward a dazzling grin.

Our conversation was light and innocent on the way to the Cullen house. Edward told me stories of the silliest Christmases he had experienced, and I tried to pay attention. It was difficult, though. My body was screaming with want, and I knew he must know this. I wanted so badly to beg him for more, but I knew it was too dangerous.

Were there other ways to be together? Could we explore other venues? Could we, in any way, make it less dangerous? Those thoughts made me eager and excited, and I had to stuff them away as we reached the house.

"You said you wanted to speak to the family," Edward asked, as the car came to a halt.

"Yes, I do have some news," I admitted, knowing they could hear me. They were already seated in the living room, ready for us when we entered.

"Hello, dear," Esme hugged me in greeting followed by the ever eager Alice. The others waved from their seats, and I settled into the couch. A bowl of fruit stood nearby, probably courtesy of Esme, and I grabbed a few grapes.

"I saw you wanted to speak to us." Alice explained why they were all gathered.

"I haven't said anything before, because I honestly thought it was just stupid," I explained uncertainly. "The Quileutes have asked me to stay away from you." I could tell they all were upset. "I know they're prejudiced morons, so I've just been ignoring them." I sent a wry smile to Carlisle. "But on Christmas day, something happened. Jacob visited and it turns out he's a wolf…"

"He told you?" Trust Carlisle to ask the wrong question. I couldn't lie to them, and a part of me didn't think I should.

"He kind of turned into one in front of me." I felt Edward tense and I tried to soothe him by caressing him. The room seemed very quiet and I felt strangely numb - a telltale sign that Jasper was doing his best to control everyone. "I wasn't hurt," I said quickly. "But I've been pretty angry with them for being bigoted, especially since a Sam's girlfriend apparently was a victim by Sam himself." Another wrong thing to say and Jasper made a small, strangled sound.

"Calm down," Carlisle said quietly. Edward remained tense and I tried to soothe him.

"Those _wolves_ -" Edward looked me over, as if to make sure I really wasn't hurt.

"Yes, I know," I said. "I told them that I would speak to them-"

"Out of the question," Edward demanded, looking horrified at the idea. My hand rested on his cheek, caressing him gently.

"Let me finish," I told him. "I was thinking, perhaps we could all meet and get to know each other. We have several assumptions of them and they have of you…" I trailed off.

"I don't want you near those volatile beasts," Edward muttered, frustrated.

"I know, and I don't plan on visiting them, but Charlie _is_ , and I need to understand what goes on, so I can protect him the best way possible. I need to know what I'm dealing with, and I doubt Charlie will accept if I just forbid him from going to La Push," I reasoned.

"You said he phased in front of you," Jasper pointed out.

"Yes, and while I don't forgive it right now, I know Jacob regretted it. Perhaps with time, he will have better control - just like you guys. No matter what, I need some solid information, not just vague legends and biased nonsense. I need their trust, since they'll be around my father."

"I think it would be wise to speak with them, nonetheless," Carlisle admitted. "I wasn't aware anyone had phased and I would like to re-negotiate the treaty, now that Jasper and Alice has joined us."

"Treaty?" I wondered curiously.

"We should tell her; she already knows quite a bit," Rosalie argued easily. I sent her a soft smile in thanks. Carlisle nodded in agreement, and he told me the story of when he, along with Esme, Edward, Rosalie and Emmett, met Ephraim Black and made a treaty. I was surprised at the deep history of La Push; it was a history I had never heard of.

It didn't come as a surprise that Billy knew exactly what went on, and he agreed to meet us on neutral ground. Edward didn't like the idea of me joining them at the meeting, but he understood the wisdom in it. Meeting with another supernatural species made it very prominent how human and squishy I was. Were it not for our agreement about choices and gaining knowledge, I think Edward would've tried to keep me at home.

For some reason, Alice couldn't see the meeting, and Carlisle theorized that the wolves might have a defense mechanism, since they were technically the enemy. It meant everyone was on edge, and we approached the neutral area hesitantly.

"They're connected through their minds," Edward whispered quietly, almost in awe. I only hear because I was riding on his back as we ran through the forest. Someone must've asked a question, because Edward said, "there are 6 wolves," Edward counted quietly. "From what I can gather, they're not shielding themselves deliberately, Alice…"

I could feel Edward slow, as we neared the open area. Ahead I could see 5 massive wolves and four people standing – 3 people, since Billy was in his wheelchair. I sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling worried on behalf of my vampire family. The wolves looked dangerous. For some reason, I didn't recall Jacob looking like this, but perhaps I had been in shock. Seeing him now, I recognized his reddish-brown fur, and I realize how lucky I had been to leave unharmed that night.

"Sam, the human _boy_ , is the Alpha of the pack; the men are unable to phase," Edward whispered quietly. So, Billy was _safe_. That relieved me. As we came to a halt, Edward let me down from his back, gently. Esme was by my side in an instant, keeping me company and probably protecting me as well - just in case.

"Mr. Black, I am Carlisle Cullen." Carlisle introduced himself to Billy, who nodded from his wheelchair.

"I know who you are," Billy replied, calmly. His eyes strayed to me for just a second.

"Many years ago, we made a treaty with your grandfather. As you can see, we've got two new additions to the family. Both of them value human lives. They're vegetarian, like the rest of the family. We'd like for the treaty to be extended to them." Carlisle's voice was calm and peaceful, but of course the wolves were suspicious.

" _Just_ them?" Harry wondered curiously.

"Just them," Carlisle reiterated. _For now_ , I thought to myself.

"What is your business with Bella," Billy asked, directly. Perhaps I shouldn't have been here, since it seemed to take away the focus from Alice and Jasper.

"Bella is Edward's girlfriend," Carlisle calmly explained.

"You've poisoned her mind," Sam replied.

"She's my Emily," Edward said, unexpectedly, and with a firm voice. I had no idea who Emily was.

Sam hissed and the wolves growled. "You're a soulless monster; don't you dare compare my love to whatever it is you've forced upon Bella." Sam looked angry. I rose from my seat with Esme.

"Who is Emily?" I asked. If I was right, Emily was the girl who had been mauled, also Sam's girlfriend. Charlie had told me when it had happened, and had asked that I not wander too far into the woods. I hadn't been given a name, though.

"Sam's girlfriend. Sam imprinted on her and then he lost control," Edward explained coolly. The wolves growled angrily in response to the accusation.

"How do you know?" Harry asked.

"What's an imprint," I interrupted. "Is it like mates?" I had reached Edward and grasped his hand.

"Yes, it is the equivalent of the mating bond," he replied quietly. I turned to Sam.

"I wondered why she would stay with someone like you," I told Sam. "But I see she didn't have a choice…" It was a cruel thing to say, I could see it in Sam's expression. I was angry at them, though, for the double standards the continuously displayed.

"We don't choose our own imprints. It's genetic," Billy explained.

"We don't choose our own mates, either. Once we mate, it's for the rest of our existence," Carlisle responded, kindly. Sam snorted coldly in reply.

I was seething. "You of all people should understand Edward's and my relationship, Sam." I forced my tone to be polite.

"It's not the same," Billy demanded.

"Enough!" Carlisle called with a sure voice. Once he was calm, he said, "We came here because Bella insisted we all meet and get the chance to get to know each other. I am sure there are many things we can learn from each other, and even teach each other."

"Teach us?" Billy snorted, mockingly. I was seeing a new side of Billy, one I found I absolutely loathed.

"My son, Jasper, has been in the vampire armies and knows how to fight. We respect human life like you do, and if anyone encroaches on your territory, who does not respect your views, you should be able to fight them. We will teach you about the bad vampires, if you can set aside your current ideas about my family," Carlisle explained calmly. Sam looked intrigued. I was less than happy about how accommodating Carlisle was being.

" _Ideas_!" Billy snarled, "You are monsters!"

"Like your son?" I interrupted. "Did Jacob tell you how he nearly mauled me the other day? Did you see how he nearly phased inside the house on Christmas day- near Charlie?" I snapped angrily. "When it comes to _monsters_ , only YOUR kind has shown yourself to be vicious." I could tell Billy didn't know what I was talking about, and he sent Jacob a glance.

"Think about Charlie, Bella," Billy asked, his voice pained but rough.

" _You_ think about Charlie," I told Billy. "Your son nearly mauled me, and I came here to learn more about you, and to ensure that they can stay calm around Charlie. They haven't proven that they can control themselves, so I will do whatever I can to keep Charlie off La Push!" I felt like yelling, but I managed to keep my voice calm.

"Bella, please," Jacob stepped out from the forest, having obviously just phased back. He jogged over to us. "I won't hurt Charlie," Jacob promised me.

"Says _you_. I haven't see proof. You're asking me to trust you, to set aside the fact that Sam _mauled_ his own girlfriend – his _imprint_ , but you won't even consider that there are _good_ vampires and that the Cullens are some of them…" I crossed my arms, waiting for the denials.

"Perhaps we can come to some sort of agreement," Sam suggested. Billy did not look happy.

I wanted to snarl profanities and accusations at them, but Edward squeezed my hand.

"I am sure we can," Carlisle responded gently.

"We need to talk," Harry spoke up. I shrugged and moved away with the Cullens. They must've known that vampires had great hearing, so they decided to write down their conversation, which Edward translated to us, as he could see it through their minds.

"Be calm, Bella. I would rather have it be them that destroy the treaty than us," Carlisle patted me gently on my shoulder. "We must rise above their notions," Carlisle said. I knew he meant he didn't exactly like my outburst, but I had trouble reining in my anger. The Cullens were good _people,_ and I hated seeing anyone treat them so badly. Edward rubbed circles on my back, but I was still tense and aggravated. I tried to calm myself, be an ocean of calm.

"Whatever you're doing now makes me almost unable to read you," Jasper mentioned, interestedly. Edward interrupted us with a slight snarl, before I could reply.

"They're accepting Jasper and Alice, but they will do anything to keep Bella from _harm_ …" Edward explained.

"Let them try," Emmett growled.

"I will not let _them_ dictate my life. The only victim here is Charlie. I doubt Billy will agree with that…" I said. A plan was starting to form in my mind. We re-convened with them.

"We will add the two new vampires to the treaty, if-" Sam informed us hesitantly.

"-You relinquish Bella," Billy ended. I saw red and I clenched my jaw.

"We're willing to go a long away, and even work with you, but I will not separate Bella and Edward. This is her choice, too." Carlisle's voice was firm. "Perhaps we could think things over and meet again in a few days." Carlisle spoke kindly, but I knew the stupid mutts wouldn't get it through their thick skulls. I decided then and there that I would speak to Billy, and I would _make_ him understand. I was done being nice; I was done having my life dictated by a bunch of idiots. If he felt he could threaten me, then I would call his bullshit.

We all agreed to think about it, and I asked Edward to take me home so I could be with Charlie a bit, which he accepted. My mood was soured by the experience, so my quietness wasn't disturbing to Edward.

Charlie was watching sports, and promised he'd be done in an hour. I assured him it would be fine, as I had an errand to run. Within minutes I was on my way back to La Push.

I drove to Billy and Jacob's house. The group and not yet split up and seemed to be discussing the events in Billy's backyard. It was cold, but they all seemed unbothered by the weather. They looked up surprised when I approached.

"Bella," Billy said almost relieved.

"Bella," Jacob greeted.

"Hello," I said. I took a deep breath. "I need to talk to you all, and you need to listen," I finally said. "If you can't handle your anger, perhaps you should leave," I was glaring at one of the guys, who was looking very angry already.

"We will listen," Sam said.

"I don't trust you," I told them, honestly. "Jacob nearly hurt me, and Sam has actually hurt his very own girlfriend. To me, you're a danger," I told them factually.

"Bella-" Billy winched.

"I know that you're supposed to protect humans, but accidents have happened," I said, my voice softening for their benefit. Inside, I was still stewing. "Can you deny this?" I asked.

"No," Sam admitted. "It's dangerous for a newly phased wolf to be near humans, as we're very easily influenced," Sam explained. "We try to stay away from human until we're stable."

"Why was Jacob at my house?" I asked. My voice was tinged with frustration. "He was clearly not stable enough."

"Bella, please. I am stable normally; I just…" Jacob tried to explain, but failed. I tried to be more accommodating and less severe. I had things to say and I didn't want to argue.

"You get why I feel you're dangerous. Ergo, you must understand why I can't ever have you near Charlie again. For Charlie's sake, Billy, you will ensure that he never enters La Push again," I demanded calmly.

"Bella, there's nothing wrong with _me_ ," Billy argued.

"And there's nothing wrong with the hospital, yet you avoid going there because Carlisle works there," I replied. "I am only following _your_ logic, Billy. Charlie can't come here because Jacob lives with you," Jacob looked pained at the thought. I knew Charlie and Jacob were close, due to the friendship between Billy and Charlie. Charlie had been there ever since Jacob was born, and Jacob often went on fishing trips with Billy and Charlie. I hoped Jacob's love for my father would aid me.

I then added, "I heard the story about how you refused to take Emily to the hospital." I glanced at Sam.

"Your irrational hatred has blinded you to such a degree that you would refuse the help of someone who can actually help. Did you know that Carlisle knows how to do plastic surgeries? He would help you with Emily if you asked him, I have no doubt about it, but you would rather have she keeps her scars, than help her, all because-"

"Enough!" Sam begged. The elders were watching with rapt attention.

"Yes, enough," I agreed calmly. "It's enough now." I said. "My life is entwined with Edward's and I won't leave him. I don't care if you accept the treaty or not, this will not change. If you refuse the treaty because of me, the Cullens will be forced to leave, and so will I."

"You can't be serious. What about Charlie?" Jacob demanded.

"Charlie would want me to be happy, and I can't put my life on hold just because _you_ have issues. I had hoped you could be there for him, Billy." I looked at Billy.

"If you do this, there will be no life to put on hold," Billy begged me.

"I can't let your _emotions_ dictate my life," I replied, calmly, deliberately making it a point-of view-thing rather than a universal truth. "I want to stay, Billy," I tried to push the guilt-buttons. "But if you drive the Cullens away, I won't have a choice. Edward and I are mates, just like Sam and Emily. You might hate it, but it won't change anything. Just be happy that they're at least good vampires…" I trailed off.

I backtracked. "Until I can trust you to actually keep your temper, and not rip anyone else to threads, I can't allow Charlie to visit you here in La Push." Wasn't the best defense, offence? "I had hoped you were more willing to prove that you can control yourself…"

"This is ridiculous," one of the wolf-guys snarled.

"Paul," Sam ordered.

"Give me the chance and I will prove that I am in control," Jacob asked me. I knew he hated that I, or probably anyone, saw him as a dangerous monster, and I was hoping for this reaction.

"If Jacob proves it, will you reconsider-" Billy tried in vain.

"I've chosen my path, so please leave it alone," I stated. "This is about Charlie visiting you, and Alice and Jasper, two people who value life just like you do. Deny them into the Treaty, and I will be forced to leave…"

"You'd really leave with them?" Billy replied, frustrated. I felt like we were going in circles. How many times had we been over this?

Patiently, I said, "We're like Sam and Emily." I hoped that would make them more agreeable. "I won't leave unless you make me. Are you forcing me to leave?" I stared at Billy calmly. "You can't ignore the mating bond, just like Sam couldn't ignore Emily, despite being with Leah," I looked towards Harry. That had been another story that had only recently made sense, thanks to Edward's ability to read minds. "I've already chosen my path. Please accept Alice and Jasper into the treaty, and show me that I can trust you around my father."

"This is your choice?" Sam's voice was void of emotion. I almost wished Edward was here to tell me what Sam was thinking.

"Yes. This is my choice."

"You choose become a monster?" Harry asked, severely.

"Humans and _wolves_ can be monsters, too. It's a choice you make, and the Cullens choose to be better than the monsters you perceive them as. It would be nice to see you make the same choice…" I told them, trying not to sound too condescending. "It's not up for discussion. Whether or not I can stay in contact with my dad, after I'm eventually turned, is entirely up to you. I can stay away long enough to learn control, since I would never want to be near anyone while not being in control," I jabbed lightly "- but I can only do that if you accept Alice, Jasper, and I into the treaty." I let my arms fall to my sides. "My future is not up for debate," I told them once more. "The choice is yours. Will I have to pretend to die, or will I be able to write, skype, or visit Charlie?"

Billy was at a loss for words.

"Think about it," I moved back to my car undisturbed, as I knew they needed to consider what I had said.

It was a weak plan that I would ever see Charlie once I had been turned, but I wanted to make Billy feel guilty. I felt the tribe kept pushing the bad conscience onto the Cullens and myself, and taking no responsibility themselves. It felt like a part of them still denied they were dangerous, despite it being so obvious. Their whole identity was based on their ability to fight vampires and protect humans, which, in their minds, made them _good_ and unable to do bad. Sure, Sam had admitted that it could be dangerous around a new wolf, but they seemed to accept the risk without a second thought.

As I drove back home, an inkling of hope arose in my chest. What if Billy agreed to my almost outlandish suggestion? What if he actually said Okay, which meant I might be able to return one day?

There was a major plot-hole in my plan, of course, and they would realize it, too. One day, Charlie wouldn't be able to ignore how I never aged. I would be able to email him, but for how long without him insisting we see each other somehow? I might be lucky to get ten years more with him, but either way I would have to pretend to die before him.

It was probably no good to drag things out, despite fervently wanting to. I couldn't stand the thought of losing my parents, but I had made my choice. You have to take the good with the bad.

My hope for visiting La Push had been to establish that this was _my_ choice, and that it wasn't up for negotiating. I hoped guilt-tripping them would make them more compliant. Only time would tell if I had succeeded.

Jacob called me a few days before New Year's.

* * *

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	19. Silver linings

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 **Onwards**

* * *

 **Chapter 19 - Silver linings**

Jacob called after a few days.

"I want to prove that I can control myself." Jacob's voice was certain and firm. I felt my heart lighten just a tiny bit. I was glad that he, at least, seemed to understand my reluctance towards the tribe. Charlie hadn't visited La Push, as promised, as Billy had made up excuses, but I knew the excuses were reluctant. I knew it couldn't go on forever, and I knew Billy knew this. He'd be the biggest hypocrite if he ignored me and invited Charlie to La Push, after all.

"How?" I wondered, curious. I hadn't even come up with a good way to prove his control myself. I had considered things briefly, but I wasn't entirely inclined to let him loose in a kindergarten, just to see if he could be trustworthy.

"I will meet with you and your leech boyfriend," Jacob said, clearly trying to keep the word _leech_ in a neutral tone, though not entirely succeeding. "Sam doesn't like it much, but he understands your reluctance. If I can keep calm enough near him, will it be proof enough? Will Charlie be able to visit?" Jacob wondered.

"Yes," I replied, relieved. Wow, was I stupid or what? That had seemed like a fairly obvious idea, yet I hadn't even considered it. Perhaps it was because a part of me thought it would've been impossible. I was grateful for Jacob's suggestion.

"Okay, let's meet where we had the meeting in an hour." Jacob hung up. I bit my lip; I hadn't told Edward about my solitary meeting with the wolves, and I knew that had been wrong on some level. I hoped Edward wouldn't get too upset. I sighed, and sent him a text, asking him to come by.

"Bella?" Edward asked, slipping through my open window. He embraced me lovingly.

"Hey." We kissed lightly. "I need to tell you something…" I bit my lip. "I visited La Push after the meeting with them." Edward stilled. "Hear me out," I begged him. "I had to. Charlie has friends in La Push, and I needed to talk to them about it… I need to know Charlie is safe down there, and I needed them to understand my choice in all of this - they think you've influenced me, and I needed to show them that it wasn't true!" Unwillingly, my tone had become a bit frantic and I fell silent, waiting for Edward to speak. I couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking, and my stomach started to churn uncomfortably.

"Bella." Edward rose and moved away from me. I felt a stab of pain as he extracted himself from me. I felt so naked. I wished that I had his ability, so that I knew what he was thinking - the waiting felt unbearable, even though it was mere seconds. Somehow, I knew Edward was more than just slightly upset.

"You told me that Jacob nearly hurt you." His voice was very soft and controlled. I had never experienced this kind of Edward before. I knew he was angry.

"You're angry," I whispered. I hadn't considered he'd be angry with me.

"No- yes! More than that, I'm disappointed. You told Carlisle that you would consider the good and the bad when around us, but it seems you've completely ignored that advice regarding the wolves…" I found myself blushing in shame at his words. He was right - I had ignored my own precautions.

"I- I didn't think… I'm sorry…" I whispered, unable to come up with a better excuse.

"Bella," Edward sighed, frustrated. "I could've _lost_ you when Jacob phased. At the meeting, I saw in his mind what had happened. You could have died or ended up hurt! I felt so close to just tearing him a new one, but Jasper held me back." I stared at him in shock. I knew I had been close to Jacob when he phased, but I hadn't considered that Sam probably hadn't been much closer when he hurt Emily.

"I-" I faltered. I felt so stupid, now.

"You knew they were dangerous, they've already hurt one, and they were close to hurting you. Yet, you decided to meet with them - without telling me. What if something had happened? They didn't bring Emily to the hospital, after all. I trust you enough to let you live your own life, but my life is so entwined with yours… If anything were to happen to you…" His broken and unstable voice undid me and I started crying.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried. "You're right. I didn't even think about it." I couldn't contain the tears, and I flung myself at Edward, burying my face in his shirt. In my mind's eye, I saw Emily's scarred face and I realized now how close I had been to suffer the same fate. They would never have taken me to the hospital.

"I can't lose you," he whispered, quietly. "You once told me you needed my trust, because your life was at stake. I need your trust, too…" His voice was soft, now, but I could hear the pain in it. I felt stupid and inconsiderate. Jacob had nearly hurt me, and Sam had definitely hurt Emily. I went to talk to them about something I _knew_ would make them frustrated, thus more likely to phase, and thus putting my life on the line. _Without telling anyone or taking precautions!_

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, still crying. We stayed in each other's embrace for a while, and I had trouble moving. I couldn't look him in the eye, afraid of what I'd see. Our entire relationship was based on taking our and considering the ramifications. I had failed at doing that and I had put my life at risk. What if something had happened? Edward would've felt pressed to cross the boundary line to get to me, thus calling for war between them. The Cullens were so careful not to entice the wolves, and I had ignored that. I had put the Cullens and myself at risk.

"I love you," he whispered, healing my breaking heart.

"I love you so much!" I replied, trying to get myself under control. "I should've called them. I should've called Billy and Jacob instead meeting with them…" I trailed off, feeling more foolish than ever. "Please forgive me." I buried my head into his chest further, but Edward easily extracted me from him.

"I love you. I forgive you," he told me sincerely, while he looked into my eyes deeply. "But please, don't put your life at risk like this. I need to be able to trust you…" His words were the same as the ones I had used so long ago, when I had first realized he had been watching me sleep.

"I feel so stupid," I muttered, deflated.

"We all make mistakes," Edward smiled, lightly. "Luckily, you won't get rid of me that easily." He leaned down and kissed me, and I clung to him a little more. He easily accepted my need to be close to him, and he held me tighter.

After a while, Edward said, "Since you _did_ go there, did you accomplish what you wanted?" Edward wondered.

"It's difficult to tell. I got the chance to tell my side of the story, without vampire influence. I also tried to point out that, to me, they're dangerous, and I can't trust them around Charlie…" I sighed quietly to myself. "Jacob called today to tell that he wanted to prove to me that he could be safe around Charlie…" I looked over at the watch on my desk. There was still half an hour until we were supposed to meet him. "I hoped that I could turn the tables on them, and I think I may have managed - even if just a bit…"

"Jacob wants to meet with you?" Edward wondered, clearly not liking it.

"I think he wants to meet _you_ , actually. He told us to meet him in half an hour, where we held the meeting," I said. "He specifically told me to bring you… I hope you can help me find out what his thoughts are," I admitted.

"We shall see." Edward was texting rapidly and receiving responses just as fast. "Jasper and Emmett will be in the woods near us, just in case…" I nodded in accept, knowing that it was likely Jacob would do the same, especially if Sam didn't like the idea. I jumped onto Edward back, and held him close, closer than normal. I knew he could tell, because he caressed my hand as he ran.

We arrived in good time, and Edward and I made small talk until Jacob arrived. I desperately tried to remove the tension I felt between Edward and me. This had been our first argument - or fight - and it hurt. I felt like I had betrayed him and his family. A part of me wanted to say I exaggerated things, but a larger part knew it wasn't an exaggeration. I had put my life at risk, despite knowing that the Cullens would be forced to break the treaty if they had to retrieve me. Sure, I hadn't entirely been conscious regarding it, but that was the problem. My dealings with the supernatural world were supposed to be conscious. Always be aware of what might happen. Always make a choice.

"Jared and Embry are in the forest," Edward said very quietly, breaking me from my reverie. "They're just keeping an eye on Jacob… and us," Edward explained. Jacob slid out of the forest - in his human form. He was wearing old, rugged pants, but no shirt and no shoes.

"Bella." Jacob greeted me happily and sent an unwilling nod towards Edward.

"Jacob. This was a great idea," Edward admitted, politely. Jacob seemed surprised, but I knew Edward would be on his best behavior, just to make sure they couldn't fault him for anything.

"Can you speak up? Some of us don't have supernatural hearing," I commented, trying to smile. We were standing far from each other, just to avoid any mishaps. Edward smiled and pecked me on the cheek.

"Please sit back," Edward asked. I nodded in accept, knowing that things might get dangerous. I moved further back – closer to where Emmett and Jasper were. I tried to let go of our earlier conversation, at least for Jasper's sake, but it was hard. I felt like a terrible girlfriend and person. I had ignored the very thing my foundation was built on - regarding the supernatural world. I had deliberately not told my vampire family about visiting La Push, nor had I told about the constant warnings I received. I may have downplayed the warnings, and thought the tribe to be bigoted and silly, but I shouldn't have kept it to myself.

What if something _had_ happened? I had told Charlie I would be back within an hour, so the Cullens wouldn't know until Charlie had worried long enough to sound the alarm. They, the tribe, hadn't brought Emily to the hospital, so why would they bring me? I wouldn't be able to trust them with my well-being, as the tribe would always come first. Despite my close relations to Billy and Jacob, I could not trust that Billy would look after my well-being, especially if it meant admitting that they had been the ones to hurt me – it would mean they had to risk a war with the Cullens.

The worst-case scenario, based on what I had seen of the tribe's attitude so far, was that they would keep me on the reservation until I was well. Had I died, would they admit it to anyone?

The thoughts were glum and full of what-ifs. I knew, however, that I couldn't trust the elders or the wolves with my safety – not if I had been hurt due to them. They would seek to protect themselves, whatever that meant.

The thought scared me, but I knew it to be true. The risk of admitting to anyone that they had hurt me meant breaking the treaty, as the Cullens wouldn't sit back and let it go – no matter if I died or survived. Another thing was my bond with Edward; what happened if you lost your mate? The thought scared me as I considered what would happen to _me_ if I lost Edward.

I felt wretched and I knew I would have to find a way to make up for it. At least, now, that I had considered things, I knew I would be able to avoid such situations in the future.

Only if Jacob proved himself today would I let Charlie go to La Push, and even then, I would have to ensure his safety. I would have to buy Charlie a cellphone, so that I could know where he was, and I would ensure that I myself never entered the La Push area without Edward knowing.

Edward and Jacob neared each other, and eventually I saw them both still - it was as if they were experiencing something unpleasant. Edward had told me the wolves smelled awful, and I wondered if this was what was happening.

Unfortunately, it didn't take close contact for Jacob to burst. He changed into a wolf in seconds. This far away, safe and secure, I couldn't help by admire the wolf form. Jacob was massive and, in a strangely weird way, very beautiful with his reddish-brown fur. Edward looking back at me to make sure I was okay, and Jacob mimicked his actions, making a wolfish noise and wagging his tail.

His attempt at making himself appear friendlier worked, and I chuckled lightly. Encouraged, Jacob rolled around on the ground, pretending to be a big, overgrown dog. I laughed more, and Jacob slinked into the forest, where he changed into new pants. I briefly wondered how often they bought clothes, but from what I could see the clothes Jacob wore was very old and used – perhaps chosen due to the risk of ruining it.

Jacob phased once more when he came in close contact with Edward. Edward was awesome, and he sprung away from Jacob immediately, giving Jacob the chance to cool down.

"Stay like a wolf," Edward called, when Jacob moved to change in the forest again. "I'd like to see if you can stay sane in your wolf-form," Edward explained.

"Edward!" I rose from my seat, not liking the idea. Jacob whined in response and I shot him a look.

Edward was with me in a second. "Trust me; I know what he's thinking. This is a good challenge," Edward assured me.

"You didn't like that I visited them behind your back because I could get hurt," I whispered to him, frantic. I felt scared at losing him. Edward leaned down and kissed me tenderly, caressing my cheek as he broke our kiss.

"I know, but I can take quite a few hits without getting hurt. I am also much faster, faster than Jacob is. Jasper will keep him calm, if he needs it," Edward whispered, quietly. I didn't like it, but unless we took chances, we wouldn't get anywhere. Who better to take the chance than someone who could endure it? I nodded reluctantly.

Jacob and Edward moved around each other carefully. Only when Edward got too close did Jacob seem defensive; I wondered if it was about trust, rather than anything else. If Jacob trusted Edward not to hurt him, would he react the same way? I wouldn't know until I could speak with Edward again.

This _game_ continued for a few hours, and eventually I dozed off. Edward woke me up as the sun set.

"Look." Edward kissed me lightly, and then he ran back to Jacob, who was standing in new pants once more.

Edward neared Jacob, and they shook hands easily. Jacob didn't even shake. I neared as well, and I could tell Edward was taunting Jacob, but Jacob seemed sure. I knew it was probably because he knew it was just for show, but I was impressed nonetheless.

To my surprise, Emmett and Jasper was not far from them with Embry and Jared, who were in wolf form. I hadn't noticed them before, but I could tell Jacob was able to stay human, despite being around three vampires.

"So, do you trust them?" I wondered, curious.

"You were out cold, so you didn't notice." Emmett laughed happily and I wondered what I had missed. "We surprised Jacob, and he turned on us, shoving Jasper back, hard…" I didn't like this.

Seeing my distress, Edward explained. "It means that Jacob feels safe enough in his ability to phase really fast, if he needs to. Knowing he can protect himself and others very, very fast, he will have better control as a human…"

"Do you trust me around Charlie, now?" Jacob asked. His voice held a sincere, pleading tone. I looked towards Edward, who nodded. If Edward trusted Jacob around my father, then I could, too. I was very curious, but I knew I would have my questioned answered soon.

"Yes, I trust you, Jacob." To prove it, I stepped up to him, and gave him a light hug. Edward seemed calm, which I took as evidence that Jacob had himself under control. "You can tell Billy that Charlie is spending New Year's with you." Jacob merely grinned in reply.

"The rest of the pack and the elders want to meet you all tomorrow," Jacob revealed. "If you have time, meet us here around noon?" Edward nodded in accept, and Jacob told me goodbye before he ran into the forest. Edward threw me gently on his back, and together with Emmett and Jasper, we ran back to the Cullen's house.

"I couldn't see _anything_ ," Alice whined, when Jasper greeted his anxious wife. They hugged closely, and Emmett grabbed Rosalie and kissed her roughly. I looked away at their display, and settled into the couch.

"Did you learn anything?" Carlisle took a seat as well, and the rest followed suit.

"Quite a bit," Edward squeezed my hand. "Jacob can't stand that you think he's a monster. He cares about Charlie a lot – like a second father. Charlie has always been there, and Charlie and Billy are best friends…" Edward explained. "Jacob truly felt he needed your trust," Edward smiled. I breathed out. "The wolves don't see themselves as dangerous, but you've forced them to admit that it's a real possibility. Or rather, Sam and Jacob have admitted it. The rest seems reluctant…" Edward shook his head.

"I had hoped it would work," I sighed, and I turned to Carlisle. "I'm so sorry, Carlisle. I had to go see them after our meeting. They think I'm under some sort of spell, and I had to make them see my view of things. I didn't think of how dangerous it was - please forgive me, I will be more considerate in the future!" I bowed my head in shame. My cheeks were burning with humiliation and I felt the tendrils of Jasper's gift try to influence me. I felt undeserving at his attempt to cheer me up.

"Bella, it's okay. We were worried, but I am glad you're safe and that you learned a lesson," Carlisle assured me with a small smile. I didn't like to think I had made things worse for him, or the others, but I didn't think I had.

"What else did you learn?" Rosalie wondered, curious. The discomfort dissipated as Jasper's gift finally took hold of me. I sent him a thankful smile and he grinned at me in reply. Alice took up a seat on my other side, linking our arms. Having my best friend near me made me feel so calm. Alice always had such a bright outlook on life and it was contagious.

"The pack can read each other's minds when they're wolves," Edward revealed. Edward told us about Jacob, who was supposed to be the Alpha, but who wasn't certain enough to take the reins. He told us about the drama of Leah, Sam and Emily, some of which we already knew. He told us about Embry Call, who wasn't supposed to be able to phase, but since he could, his father's identity was brought into question.

It was painful to find out that Billy could be the father. It only served to piss me off even further, though, as Billy still thought he had the right to judge, when his people were so fucked up themselves.

After the meeting, I stayed until I had to go home. Alice drove me home, claiming girl time, for which I was grateful. We spent some time in my room, discussing what had happened as well as my feelings. She assured me that none of them disliked me for what had happened. I was grateful as she pulled the conversation from my dark and gloomy thoughts to lighter and happier things.

After almost no time, we were laughing and enjoying ourselves.

* * *

Meeting with the pack, and the elders, the second time was quite different. The pack and the elders were tense, and I could tell Billy was annoyed. Edward sent me a happy grin and I knew the news would be good.

"We've decided to include the two new vampires into the treaty." Sam's voice was hard and certain. "The rules that apply to you apply to them. We wish to point out that any human, bitten willingly or unwillingly, break the treaty." Despite his words, I wasn't too happy. While it meant that I wouldn't have to leave right now, it also meant that I wouldn't be allowed back to Forks once I was changed. It meant that Charlie would have to think I died.

I knew having Charlie in my life, once changed, was a silly dream. I had accepted long ago that I would leave him, but the feeling was still sour.

I think it was sour because I was angry at the wolves – angry that they felt the right to dictate my life.

After the meeting, I spent time with Edward, talking about my emotions. I knew it would be stupid to try to keep Charlie in my life – I would be a newborn and a vampire. It was both illegal and dangerous, but I hated the idea that others felt they had the right to make that decision for me. Sure, I would've come to the decision by myself, but I just really disliked the tribe for choosing for me.

Edward reminded me that the pack would forget. In a few generations, I would be able to come back to Forks. He promised me that, although I would lose my dad, I would have the house and the memories. He'd help me remember.

Knowing that Edward cared so much made me happy.

I felt much calmer after the meeting. Everything was out in the open, now. Carlisle was sure, and Edward backed him on this, that Alice and Jasper had primarily been allowed into the treaty in order to keep me in Forks. The tribe truly believed I would leave, and they needed the extra time to persuade me from my path.

Edward revealed that of the tribe, only the elders were directly against my change. Sam seemed more accepting of it, somehow understanding due to his relationship with Emily. Jacob accepted it as well, but that was due to having seen me with Edward. Our love was simply too obvious to deny. The other wolves were not in any way emotionally tied to me, and they didn't care one way or the other.

* * *

I spent New Year's Day with the Cullens, while Charlie was in La Push. I was getting ready to go to the Cullens, when there was a knock on the door. I naturally assumed it was Edward, so jumped down to greet him, eagerly.

"Oh!" I laughed lightly at Rosalie, whom I had been prepared to tackle. She smiled serenely in response.

"May I come in, Bella?" Rosalie asked, politely. My interactions with Rosalie had always been civil, but distant. I had never been alone with her. I tried not to fiddle too much as I nodded. It looked very strange to see Rosalie at my home – it seemed so plain. I tried to remember Rosalie's other attributes, as it helped me see her as more than just an overly beautiful vampire.

I opened the door and stepped aside, "Of course, Rosalie," I told her. Old habits die hard, so I asked, "Can I get you anything?" She laughed lightly in response, and we settled into the living room.

"No, but thank you," she replied with a light smile. We sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence. "I came to talk to you." Her voice was surprisingly hesitant.

"Oh, sure, what do you want to talk about?" I asked, curious. I couldn't imagine what Rosalie wanted with me. We seemed so different. I would go to great lengths to get her approval, however.

Rosalie seemed to debate with herself for a few seconds. "Did Edward ever tell you my story?" I shook my head and Rosalie smiled softly, shaking her head and making her golden locks wave by the motion.

"I-" To my surprise, Rosalie faltered. She seemed unsure and I had no idea how to make her more at ease. As she crossed her legs delicately, she seemed to gather herself. "You've realized I've been reluctant around you?" I nodded. "The truth is… I don't like change. I didn't like the thought of you becoming a part of the family – becoming a vampire…" I tried to school my expression to polite interest, but Rosalie saw through it. She sent me a wry smile.

"Why?" I wondered, confused.

"The thing is, if I had had the choice, I wouldn't have chosen this life…" Then she sighed. "Though, I've become a bit unsure on this…" Her voice was very quiet now, and I strained to hear it. Her volume increased as she spoke next. "Tonight is New Year's Eve… It means a new year… A fresh start…" She trailed off again, obviously lost in her own world.

"Okay," I replied, unable to think of anything else.

"I know that you're Edward's mate," she assured me. "I know you won't likely find someone else, but a part of me _wish_ you would. Being a vampire is _hard_. You're constantly reminded that you won't change; you won't have children and you won't grow old. Everything around you will change, but you won't…" She sighed. We sat in silence, and then Rosalie smiled a small, sad smile.

"My life as a human was perfect – or so I thought. It was all taken from me by the man I was supposed to marry – my life, my family and my dreams. I had it all, but he and his drunken friends beat and raped me. They left me for dead. Carlisle found me…" I stared at Rosalie in shock. I had not anticipated this story. I had no idea how to respond. "I'm telling you now, because I need you to understand that, once you become a vampire, you will live with those regrets. I wanted a family, I wanted to grow old, and have kids… To me, a stereotypical life was my dream. A house with a white picket fence and a few kids…" She looked away from me in pain.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. I wanted to touch her and offer my comfort. I understood how dangerous becoming vampire was, but there were the emotional issues to consider as well. Rosalie had lost everything she had ever wanted, and she lived to _know_ it.

"I have Emmett." Rosalie smiled soft at me. "Still, the need I had as a human won't ever leave me. I need you to know that…" She looked searchingly into my eyes.

"Don't think that I haven't considered it, because I have," I revealed. "I just… I concluded that the thought of _being_ with anyone else but Edward is a thought I can't handle. I want everything with Edward, but I accept the things I can't have. I don't want children with anyone but him…" Rosalie smiled in understanding. "In my mind, I saw it as Edward being infertile. It's not about him being a vampire, but about him being unable to make babies. Had he been human, I would've stayed with him just the same."

"That's an admirable thought," Rosalie admitted. "I guess _times change_." She smiled wryly. "I'd like us to be sisters. I know you will become one of us, one day. You're Edward's mate. It was hard to accept it, because I was forced to accept some very uncomfortable truths about myself." She laughed lightly at some joke I didn't understand. "I want to understand you, and I want you to understand _me_ … New Year's Eve is tonight and I want a fresh start."

"I'd like that," I agreed. Rosalie smiled happily at me. I hesitated, but Rosalie could tell and she beckoned me to speak. "Thanks for telling me and trusting me with your story. I'm so sorry for what happened…"

"Thank you, Bella," Rosalie replied, sincerely. "I got my revenge…" She smirked at me. As with Alice, I couldn't help but feel happy for Rosalie. I didn't support the death penalty, but I couldn't ignore the feeling that Rosalie had the right to do what she did. I let those thoughts go – for now.

"I can see I have to look deep into my closet, to clear it from skeletons, before I am changed," I admitted wryly. Rosalie laughed.

"We _can_ change. The big things just take a lot from us. Usually, it happens when we meet our mate." This was just like what Alice had told me, and I nodded in understanding. "I think change is coming, though," Rosalie smiled wistfully at me. "You've changed the whole family's ways of thinking about things," Rosalie told me. "Edward had to deal with some of his most hidden away emotions and fears. I had to face my own assumptions about what being a vampire or human meant… Because of you, I finally feel strong enough to contemplate a life outside of high school and college." She grinned happily at me.

"Really?" I wondered, surprised

"With time, we all end up in a monotone life-style. I couldn't handle the thought of hurting a child, so I decided to never pursue the idea of working with children. It never occurred to me that I might actually be strong enough not to hurt them – that hurting them might not even be an issue. I want this as much as Carlisle wants to work with humans at the hospital. I truly believe in this." Rosalie's voice was full of conviction. "I _will_ become strong enough." I wasn't sure if she said it for my benefit or her own, but I nodded happily in reply.

"I'm glad," I said. "I truly feel my life has changed after meeting you all, as well… I've never considered my life or my death before, but suddenly I felt I had to. I've found a better appreciation of life, and I feel that I've become better able to be me… Did Edward tell you how I was before I met him?" Rosalie shook her head.

"I was a doormat, practically. Meeting Edward forced me to stand up for myself, and I changed. Finding out about your family, forced me to grow in ways I hadn't considered before; ways most humans probably miss out on… I feel so much more in charge of my life…"

"I guess we can all learn something from each other." Rosalie smiled at me and rose. "I'm glad we had this talk." Rosalie moved forward and hugged me and I hugged her back, tightly.

"I want us to be sisters, too," I told her truthfully.

Rosalie and I drove together to the Cullens house. The atmosphere was lighter, now, and we chatted easily.

Edward was outside, waiting for me, and Rosalie sent me a grin before she dashed inside, leaving Edward and me.

"Did you have a nice talk?" Edward's voice was soft and shy, almost hesitant. I realized Edward worried about my reaction to Rosalie's story.

"I think the outcome was nice," I hedged with a small smile. We moved into the garden, taking a small walk. "I know that you're afraid, and so am I." I stopped and turned to Edward. "I want a life with you – whatever that entails. I promised you once I'd tell you if that changed, and I promise to be truthful. I hope you will be the same." I couldn't help but caress his cheek as I spoke. His eyes closed and he sighed.

"I'm so worried that you'll regret it…" The words came hesitantly from his lips. "I feel like I condemn you to this life. What if you change your mind?" His jaw flexed and pain flashed through his eyes. I wondered if he would've cried had he been human.

"I feel the same way about you." My words surprised him and I smirked at him. "Don't think I'm the only one capable of having regrets. What if you change me and realize you don't love me because I'm no longer squishy and smelly Bella? Then you're stuck with me…" My words were a part lie. Deep down, a small part of me had this irrational fear of losing him, but mostly I trusted our relationship.

"That won't happen," he assured me, nuzzling my cheek.

"I guess it's hard not to be scared when you have so much to lose," I admitted. "I've never been so deeply involved in anything. It occurs to me how much I can lose if something happens you do – or if you left me…" The mere thought was painful.

"Let's not talk about those things," Edward begged.

"Yes, enough angst," I laughed lightly and he joined me. He hugged me tightly and we spent some time talking and enjoying ourselves outside.

* * *

School started up again, which brought some semblance of normalcy back in my life.

Lauren made no form of retribution towards me, but that might be because she was busy with college applications. I had applied before Christmas, and I was surprised to find how behind she was.

For me, it was good, though, as it meant her focus was towards her future, rather than me, or anyone else.

Billy still insisted that he and Jacob visit as often as possible. Billy alternated between trying to remind me of how much I'd miss Charlie and just ignoring the whole thing. It hurt a lot, but Billy was completely out of reach when it came to the subject of vampires. He was so invested in his conviction that he couldn't open up for different thoughts.

I tried not to mind, but it was hard. Essentially, Billy's lack of accept meant he would rather have Charlie, his best friend, thought I was dead. It was a painful subject, and Jasper helped me understand my emotions. We had a few therapy-like sessions, which helped me come to grips with the fact the same people are idiots. Jasper was an expert in that area, after all, since he could tell what people felt. It also meant that he was able to see things from other people's perspective, and he told me what he had felt from Billy – an enormous amount of fear for my safety – regarding the Cullens.

Billy's concern would've melted my anger towards him, were it not because it was willfully ignorant. He clung to the legends of his people, refusing to see things differently, despite having many opportunities to learn. His willful ignorance made it hard to tolerate him.

From Edward, I found that it was due to Sam and Jacob that Alice and Jasper were allowed into the treaty. Originally, Billy had wanted to call my bluff, by refusing Alice and Jasper's presence, thus forcing the Cullens to leave. Sam and Jacob had realized that I wasn't kidding, and that there was no bluff to call. It was due to them that the Cullens could stay in Forks, and I got more time with Charlie. It made me even more grateful for the two of them, and made me like Billy even less.

This meant that Jacob became a better and closer friend than I had anticipated. Billy tried to use our newfound friendship to his advantage, but Jacob merely rolled his eyes to me behind Billy's back. Jacob seemed to enjoy my company, but had no interest in me romantically. We only met when Charlie and Billy did – and when we were forced to join, which wasn't that often, as Jacob had pack business, and I had my own things. However, when we did meet we were good friends and talked well with each other.

Edward told me that Jacob found me interesting. Jacob couldn't understand my relationship with Edward, but at the same time, he could clearly see that the vampires, who had once attacked his tribe in the legends, were not the same vampires as the Cullens. It made Jacob curious, and it made me able to influence him, by telling him about the goodness of the Cullens.

"Feel free to join us for Easter. We're going to Seattle again and helping out," I invited Jacob.

"I don't think I can be near them for that long," Jacob grinned at me easily.

"I thought you had control over yourself," I replied, amused.

"Oh no, it's not about control. You obviously haven't noticed, but they _reek_!" Jacob admitted. I laughed hysterically and Jacob sent me a look.

"You know, Edward and I didn't have the best start," I revealed to Jacob. He raised an eyebrow.

"Really? I thought the mating bond would have smoothed things out," Jacob wondered.

"Oh please. I've heard rumors about Leah, Sam and Emily. They didn't exactly have it easy, either," I reminded Jacob. He chuckled and gestured for me to continue. "Edward thinks, or thought, that he was a soulless monster, doomed to wander the earth forever," I explained, dramatically. "When he met me, my blood sang out to him. Apparently, some humans are just utterly delicious." Jacob looked horrified, but I laughed at him.

"Because of my scent, Edward tried to switch seats," I chuckled lightly. "He told the teacher I reeked…" Jacob frowned, not sure that he understood the punchline.

"Right... But at least he tried to not hurt you…" Jacob reasoned.

"You're missing some story," I laughed again. "Because he told me I reeked, our relationship ended up starting in a far different way than if hadn't he told me I reeked. I became a social pariah at school, and I ended up hating Edward and his family." Jacob stared at me with surprise.

"You seem so close with them," Jacob admitted with surprise.

"Now we are, but before…" I shook my head as I trailed off. "Eventually, it went better. Despite our chaotic start, I constantly thought of him, and often dreamt of him…" I sighed to myself.

"Really?" Jacob wondered. "Emily said she resented Sam at the beginning. Emily is Leah's cousin, and she felt horrible for hurting Leah. She said she dreamt about Sam every night, though, making it difficult to ignore the _Call_ …"

"Same with Edward and me. Well, just me, since Edward doesn't sleep," I grinned wryly. "Edward came back, because I spoke his name in his sleep. That's when he understood that he couldn't run from his mate. He told me the truth, and gave me a choice…"

"He told you, _'I'm a vampire, you're my mate, let's get together'_?" Jacob wondered, serious. I shook my head, amused.

"He told me he and his family were vampires. Carlisle told me to always consider the consequences, good and bad. So… that's what I've done," I shrugged in explanation. "I found that I was far too dependent on Edward, and I knew about mating, so I talked to him about it. The Cullens have been very insistent that I make my choices based on knowledge, so they've done their best to provide said knowledge…"

"That must've been some weird conversations…" Jacob pondered.

"Well, you share a mind with Sam. Emily must've been very confused about the dreams and the sudden attraction. Sam must've felt he had to tell her the truth…" I was curious.

"Oh yeah, it was weird!" Jacob laughed lightly. "We're allowed to reveal what we are to our imprints, obviously," Jacob told me. "He told Emily the truth, and she needed some time. She came around, of course. It's terrible for Leah, though. Despite Harry being an elder, Leah isn't allowed in on the secret. She doesn't know, or understand, why Sam left her. She hates Sam and Emily, which hurts the two of them a lot, of course. Our community is very small, so Leah runs into Sam and Emily often. Since they're getting married, everyone is basically attending, except Leah, who feels betrayed. I get where she's coming from – it's very sad."

"That's horrible," I admitted, with feeling. "Poor Leah," I whispered quietly. "I think I would leave if I were her."

"Yeah… From what I know, Leah does plan to leave. Harry doesn't like it, but his hands are tied. He can't force his daughter to ignore the pain." Jacob seemed hesitant now. "That's why we're not supposed to date. Well, now that we know, at least. Imagine if I date a girl and my imprint pops up…" He shook his head.

"That sounds like a reasonable attitude," I admitted. "I had the same thoughts when I wondered if Edward and I were mates, or if I was just some lovesick girl…"

"It kind of sucks. Sometimes we meet a really sweet girl, but we can't explore that path… I mean, you know Billy is trying to push me towards you, but I couldn't do that to you. I can't use anyone like that when I've seen Leah's pain…" I was touched by Jacob's honestly and maturity.

* * *

Despite the amiable friendship Jacob and I shared, getting the wolves and vampires become friends was a lost cause. Jacob and Edward could be civil and even friendly towards one another, but none of them had any need to be more.

Jacob, and even Sam, could admit that learning from each other could be beneficial, but they were all reluctant to let down their guard near one another.

Perhaps the whole 'natural enemies' was simply true. None of them had any need to challenge it, so I ended up leaving it alone. It was enough, for me, that Jacob and Edward could be civil, since both visited the house on regular basis.

From Edward, I knew Jacob took some heat from the pack, for not trying to persuade me to leave Edward.

* * *

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	20. Human experience

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A guest mentioned that Bella's reasoning is flawed. Yes, Sam and Jacob are more aware of the dangers they pose, while the rest of the pack are, perhaps, more naïve regarding their abilities.

Now that Jacob has proven himself, Bella has no issues sending Charlie to La Push. Charlie only goes there to visit Jacob and Billy, so it's unlikely that he'd run into other wolves. The chance of experiencing something related to the wolves is small, but Bella is not naïve and still gives her father a phone. It's a better-safe-than-sorry-mentality.

Of course, the proper course of action would've been to tell anyone exposed to the supernatural world about it, so that they can make their own choice. As this isn't an option, Bella simply tries to ensure that her father will be safe if he's near supernatural beings. Should Charlie somehow befriend another wolf then Bella would have make sure that the person took precautions and that he/she proved himself, like Jacob.

* * *

 **Chapter 20 – Human experience**

Not far into January, I received an invitation to join the yearly library party. It seemed all the surrounding branches would meet up to eat and drink. I had never attended a party before, but considering my relationship with a supernatural being, I was beginning to think that it would be wise for me to go, perhaps even healthy. After all, I might never get the chance again.

At home, Charlie instantly noticed my subdued mood.

"Are you and Edward okay?" Charlie wondered, uncertain. I glanced up from our dinner, realizing I had retreated into myself rather than enjoy our dinner together.

"Oh yeah, we're fine… I was invited to an annual party at work," I admitted, reluctantly.

"Okay…" Charlie paused, clearly uncertain of why I didn't seem okay with this. "When and where?"

"Glen Cove, it's a bit further from here. And it's in two weeks." I admitted.

"All the branches meet up?" Charlie wondered and I nodded. Still, that would probably leave us around 40 people if everyone gathered. I had only met three, which were those I worked with at the branch in Port Angeles. "You would have to rent a room…"

"I don't know…" I trailed off, uncertain. "I suck in social situations," I managed to say. I didn't like to talk about how much I sucked around people; I felt out of step or just generally silly. It felt like I never really fitted in. Charlie finally seemed to comprehend the reason to my mood, and he made an o-shape with his mouth in understanding.

"Well, the people you don't get along with are teenagers. This will be different," Charlie pointed out, trying to ease my mood. "I think you should give it a chance. At your age, I was drunk almost every weekend." Charlie grinned and I raised an eyebrow doubtfully. Charlie was from Forks, and getting drunk here was a rare occurrence. The town was too small to hide a party of underage drinking, and I had only heard rumors of a few people meeting up and drinking at the beach.

"Aren't you supposed to tell me _not_ to drink?" I laughed lightly.

Charlie seemed to consider my words, and then, slowly, he said. "My job is to make sure you're equipped to face the world. This means I have to ensure you know how to drink responsibly, amongst other things. I would rather have your first time drunk be near me, where I can easily get you and make sure you're safe, than across country and amongst people of questionable character. Hopefully, after your first time drinking, you will know to take it slower and be more careful…" His considerate parenting touched me. I rarely needed his help or advice, and I felt like a teenager-daughter for a rare few minutes.

"Just remember to eat before you drink and switch to water ever second or third drink. Getting drunk can be fun, but getting so drunk that you become sick isn't," Charlie told me "Rent a room while you're there, don't drive home at night, even if you don't plan on drinking. Remember your cellphone and call me if you need me!" Charlie told me sternly and with a small smile.

"If I call you, you have to pick it up." I was teasing him. I had given him a phone for his birthday, but Charlie wasn't used to having his own personal cellphone, so he often ignored it or forgot it. It would take some time to get used to, but I liked the idea that I could text him to tell him that I was okay, or that I loved him.

* * *

Edward had encouraged me to go to the branch party, and as a bonus, he insisted on sneaking with me. I was excited to go, but it was due to him and me sharing a hotel room, rather than actually going to a party.

"Come one, Bella. I am sure you'll have a great time. Remember when you told me that it would be good human experience?" Edward tried to coax me. Edward was all for human experiences, but he hadn't like the thought of me getting drunk. I had told him that this is what I _wanted_ , that it was _my_ choice, and that I _needed_ to have this human experience. Now, however, I found it difficult to drag myself away from him. Of course, Edward had begun to warm up to the idea of seeing me drunk, which was why he was trying to get to me actually leave. I think he was excited to see a new side of me.

"Gaaah!" I replied, and rolled out of the bed. Edward looked adorable as he lay in bed; his hair was a mess, and his clothes tussled. We could do so many other things - now that we were away from vampires with super hearing.

"Drink responsibly. Call me if you need anything," Edward told me mock-severely. I rolled my eyes at him in the mirror as I corrected my clothes, courtesy of Alice. I had almost accepted Alice's offer to buy me clothes permanently – that's how pretty the clothes were. I wore a beautiful blue silk shirt and some dark blue skinny jeans, and -to my surprise - flats. Even Alice had acknowledged that trying to get me to wear anything with high heels, especially since I might drink, would be a very bad combination. Her love of high heels had been set aside. I looked very sophisticated and trendy, and perhaps slightly older. I liked this look.

"I'll probably be home in half an hour." I winked at him. He laughed in response and kissed me goodbye.

Shelly, Anne and Helen, my middle-aged co-workers, picked me up outside the hotel, and together we walked the short distance to the assembly room. I had never talked much with my coworkers, since I was a very quiet person.

"So, Bella, you're the youngest here." Helen laughed easily and the other girls followed. I tried to laugh as well, but it felt the laugh was stuck in my throat.

"Yes, be careful of Michael." Shelly grinned. I stared, confused.

"Girls, don't traumatize the poor girl," Anne laughed loudly.

"Who's Michael?" I wondered, worried.

"An old fart," Shelly laughed. "Here, have some vodka." She handed me a neutral-looking hip flask, and I reached for it automatically. They seemed to asses me, so I took a swig in order to remove the attention. The smell and taste was foul, and it burned in my mouth. I couldn't avoid making a face, and the three women laughed happily. I didn't feel like they were laughing _at_ me, though.

"Should I be worried about him?" I wondered, reminding them of Michael.

"Not at all, dear. He won't do anything, darling. His interest is in the old girls over there." Shelly pointed at the other women, who laughed girlishly. She handed me the flask again and I took a swig and grimaced.

Shelly laughed once more at my expression, and she regaled me with a story from when she first got drunk. The other women joined in, and I found myself laughing along with them as they told me stories from not just their youth, but also elderly days.

"You never cease to be young!" Anne assured me. "It's not like you wake up one day and feel like an adult." They all nodded in agreement. I wasn't entirely sure how one became an adult, but a part of me had thought you grew into it. Seeing my co-workers so loosened up made me realize that perhaps you never left that young part of you behind. Shelly could tell I was thinking too much, and said so, and she insisted I drink a beer she had brought. This, too, tasted foul.

The assembly room was old, but nicely decorated. Most people seemed older than I was. My colleagues were great at including me, and they pointed out people for me. This was great, since I had mailed with a lot of people, but had no idea what they looked like.

Not soon after I arrived, I met a girl called Julie. We automatically gravitated towards each other as we were near the same age. Julie introduced her co-workers, who Shelly, Anne, and Helen already knew, and our group grew in size. Stories were exchanged and I actually started to have fun. Of course, Helen was very attentive to both Julie and I, making us both feel included all the time, and making sure we were never thirsty.

Soon enough, I was the one regaling our group with tales, and I told about the the _Surströmming incident_ , which it was now called. My colleagues found my stories hilarious.

In between each story another beer or drink snuck in, and I was soon feeling very, very tipsy.

I was not the first one to go down, however, and we laughed uproariously at the sight of our colleagues, who had to be driven home in cabs, or picked up. There was nothing cruel about the laughter, but there was a sort of bet going on, and it was _fun_. I started to think that I had been wrong in my assessment of growing older. You grew older, but you didn't _grow up_.

" _Pilk mik soup"_

" _What?"_ Edward replied. A second later the phone rang.

"Yo, sup," I slurred. The room seemed to be faintly spinning and I held myself steady using a wall.

"Hello Bella," Edward sounded humored.

"So, what are you wearing?" It was something June, a co-worker from another branch, had insisted I ask. Of course, all three of my coworkers had seen Edward, and they were quick to inform that he was possibly the handsomest young man they had ever seen, and if he had been single, and they a few years younger, they would totally have tried something. Shelly joked that she might've tried something no matter the age. I wasn't sure it was a joke and her red stained cheeks made the others laugh hysterically. They insisted I show them pictures of this perfect specimen, but I actually had none.

"I'm wearing a blue shirt and jeans," Edward replied, with humor in his voice.

"That is so hot," I breathed into the phone. I heard Edward laugh lightly. "You know, you're so hot. So hot. Why are you so hot? You should not wear _any_ clothes at all!" I told him seriously. A part of me knew that I was drunk and I wouldn't normally say this, but in my drunken state I had asked myself _why not? He's my boyfriend, my mate!_ That made perfect sense.

"Do you need to be picked up?" Edward wondered interestedly. I could tell he was still amused. Ideas sprung to my mind of what might happen if he picked me up.

"Yes!" I insisted. "Hurry! Pick me up!" I tried to sound suave, but it probably came out wrong. I was beginning to feel somewhat disconnected, now. My body was warm and my mind was tired. The thought of sleeping, even standing, seemed pretty attractive. Still, knowing that I'd be seeing Edward soon kept me awake. I said goodbye to my colleagues, and thanked them for a wonderful evening. I was handed a last beer, which I drank as I waited for Edward. He arrived in my car not much later.

"You seem very drunk. Your pupils have dilated, and their response time has lowered. Your eyes are slightly red," Edward murmured as he observed me. I stared at him in confusion.

"Right," I responded. "You really know how to woo a girl." I started laughing, and Edward rolled his eyes, and helped me into the car. "Come on, Eddie, lighten up," I whispered with a grin.

"Pleeeeease, don't call me that," Edward winched, but his voice and eyes showed humor.

"Eddie? Eddie Pettie? Want a pet, Ed?" I wondered in a sing-song voice. Edward shook his head, amused by my antics. "No, I'm serious," I turned to him fully, looking serious. Edward laughing at me in response.

"EDWARD, I said I'm serious!" I insisted. The world was spinning and Edward made me turn in my seat, so that I could see where we drove.

"What are you serious about?" Edward asked, humored.

"I don't know," I replied. I was feeling very tired, now. "Should we get a pet? Would you eat it? If I got a cute little dog, would you eat my dog?" I wondered, seriously.

"No, I wouldn't eat it," Edward assured me with a chuckle.

"Edward… There's something I want to discuss." My tone was serious, but I still felt drunk. I hadn't mentioned this before, but the alcohol had made me bold. It was a subject we usually skipped because it was so emotionally touchy.

"What do you want to discuss?" Edward's voice was indulgent and I giggled lightly.

"We can talk about my possible death and such things with ease… But… We don't ever speak…of other things. Will a human experience be sex with you?" My question threw him off and he stared at me with surprise. "Watch the road! We're gonna crash!" I screamed, horrified. His rolled his eyes at me and returned his gaze.

"I- I don't think we can take that chance…" Edward said.

"Well, I've been thinking," I leaned closer to him, caressing his cheek. "We don't actually have to have sex… We can do… _other_ … things…" My voice was probably more slurred and drunk than husky and sexy. I saw him tense his jaw.

"I-…Oh lord!" Edward hissed instead of replying. I stared at him confused. "Sorry, love, but we got company." Edward pulled up next to a shiny, red BMW, and I realized that his siblings had joined us.

"Oh goodie! Alice!" I slipped out of the car, but in my drunken state I slipped, and, surprisingly, caught myself. Edward stared at me with a raised eyebrow. "You know, since I met you I've become far less accident-prone," I told him. "Must be your crazy voodoo magic."

"Voodoo magic?" Edward wondered, wryly.

"Oh yes. Everyone knows vampires practice voodoo magic, sleep in coffins, hail Satan." I made a gesture, making someone laugh. "EMMETT!" I yelled in response.

"No, Emmett!" Edward replied.

"Tell meeeee!" I demanded. Either Edward had answered an unspoken question, or their voices had been too low for me to hear.

"Belly-button!" Emmett hugged me and swung me around eagerly.

"Emmett!" Someone called, and he released me from his strong arms. I swayed for a second, and then I vomited all over the ground. Cold hands held me and kept my hair out of the way.

"Oh, that is nasty, Bella," Emmett laughed at me, but I felt sick from the swinging, and I couldn't laugh. Others had no such issues, and I could hear Alice and Rosalie giggling.

"Jasper… attack," I whispered, disoriented.

* * *

The room was dark and the bed felt uncomfortably warm. The cold figure by me made me aware that Edward was with me, and I calmed down.

"Here, I have some water." His voice was tender and calm. I managed to squint my eyes open, and I accepted the glass he offered to me.

"Urgh," I replied. Edward handed me two aspirins as well, which I swallowed easily. I felt horrible. I turned in the bed and snuggled closer to Edward. His hand rested on my forehead, making me feel much better.

I slept for a few more hours before waking up again. The room was lighter, now, and Edward was still holding me. I wondered if he was bored when he lay with me all night.

"How are you?" Edward asked quietly, reaching for more water. I accepted gratefully.

"Better," I managed to croak. I leaned into his hand, enjoying the cool sensation. "So, what happened after I got home?" I wondered, recalling his siblings vaguely.

"Well, you were pretty drunk." Edward smiled overbearingly at me, and I rolled my eyes. I had made the choice myself, after all. "You were also very tired. You might not remember it, but you fell asleep for a few minutes in the car. You woke up when we reached the hotel."

"Oh, I don't remember," I admitted. In my head, I recalled being picked up by Edward, and then talking as we drove back. "Wasn't Emmett here?" I wondered. Vague, fuzzy memories seemed to try to catch my attention.

"Yes, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper were here. They wanted to partake in your _human experience._ " Edward chuckled. "Unfortunately, Emmett hugged you too hard, swung you around, and made you vomit, and then you nearly fell asleep while you vomited." He was trying not to grin, but I could tell he was amused.

"Did I vomit on anyone?" The thought of vomiting in front of 5 vampires with sensitive noses made me cringe. Edward laughed at my expression.

"No, but you did make a request from Jasper, one he was eager to comply with." Edward made a face now, and I wondered what had happened. "You said 'Jasper, attack', and so Jasper tried to simulate your drunken emotions onto Emmett, Rosalie and Alice. I was spared, because I was holding you." He looked amused.

"What happened?" I wondered, tired and feeling hungover, but curious.

"It was… interesting. The thing is, vampires can't get drunk, and simulating it removed our inhibitions, and mental faculties to some extent. Add our strength to the mix… Well, a car and a wall were broken. We had to cover it up as a car accident, and pay for it." Edward was now laughing openly, and I stared at him in shock.

"Seriously?" I asked surprised.

"You should've seen them." Edward continued chuckling. "Alice was making heaving noises, as if she was vomiting, and she was begging Jasper to stop. He did stop, but not before she broke a car. Rosalie and Emmett broke the wall to the neighboring room. Good thing the room wasn't rented," Edward said.

"Wow… I wish I had seen it…"

"It was very funny." Edward grinned easily. "Now, try to sleep some more. I sent a text to Charlie, pretending to be you, just letting him know you were okay…" Edward revealed and I nodded gratefully. I had planned to send a text as well, but right now, it seemed so difficult.

Edward took great care of me for the rest of the day; he bought me food and drinks, and in the evening, he drove me home.

* * *

"I see you're no longer hungover." Edward had come by Sunday evening. I still felt tired and worn out, but I no longer felt sick to my stomach.

"I don't entirely get why people drink," I admitted. Sure, I had a lot of fun, but considering how I felt afterwards, I wasn't sure if it was worth it.

"It's fun when you keep it at a reasonable pace." Edward smiled lightly at my expression.

"Perhaps. It _was_ fun and I _did_ enjoy myself – until I became sick. I guess the secret to success is limiting the intake." I moved a little on my bed to make room for Edward, who joined me on the bed.

"Are you well enough to talk?" Edward wondered. I turned to face him fully, wondering what was on his mind.

"Sure," I said. I drank a bit of water before getting comfortable.

"Do you remember what we talked about in the car back from the party?" His innocent question was loaded with tension. I didn't remember, but suddenly I worried I had said something weird.

"… No…"

"You mentioned sex…" Edward's voice dropped slightly and he seemed a little shy. His shyness was nothing next to my embarrassment and I felt my face heat up. I tried to calm myself. I remembered vague thought of wanting to seduce Edward. I reminded myself that I shouldn't be embarrassed for wanting my mate.

"Ahh yes," I mumbled. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable…" I admitted. Being intimate was a touchy subject, as there were so many emotions tied to it, so we usually didn't speak of it.

"No, not at all…" Edward said. "But perhaps this is something we should talk about."

I sighed, "I think you're right. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I know things are _different_ for vampires." Or so I had assumed. Edward didn't seem much interested in being too physical with me, but at the same time I knew that the others had sex, so it was something that was practiced. Perhaps that was something that changed when you became a vampire – perhaps sex happened _differently_.

"It's not that different," Edward assured me. My heart sped up involuntarily, and Edward laid his hand near my throat, feeling the beating of my pulse.

"We've been avoiding doing anything more than just kissing… I thought… I don't know…" I trailed off, slightly uncomfortable. I didn't like the thought that he might not want me. I'm sure he did want me, because otherwise he wouldn't be with me, but it still hurt whenever he pulled away from me. I tried to gather strength again and to stop avoiding the unpleasant subject.

"So what's the deal?" I finally said, closing my eyes as I slowly sipped some water. It was a weak way to gather strength.

Edward chuckled slightly. "It's problematic that we haven't had this talk before," he told me. I agreed.

"Yes," I admitted. "I thought it might be because I'm too squishy – or that you didn't want me…"

Edward chuckle. "I want you, trust me. It's not _just_ about hurting you… That's actually a small part… Rather, it's about my world-view, so to speak. Bella, I was raised to treat women properly and to marry them before we did anything with them. Kissing you has been amazing, but even that almost pushed my limits." I stared at him in shock.

"What?" I wondered, surprised. I hadn't anticipated this. Sure, I knew he had pretty deep set of morals, but for it to extend to this was somewhat surprising. Or perhaps it was simply because I had assumed something else.

"We've talked about it before, lightly. I can kiss you, but I can't touch you, because we're not married. And I know that times have changed and that women no longer suffer if they lie with a man outside of marriage, but this is such an ingrained part of me that I can't ignore it…"

"So it's not just about me getting hurt?" Edward shook his head. "So, every time you've pulled away?"

"I wanted you, but I thought it wasn't proper." I stared at Edward in shock. I had thought that it was due to him risking his control. I thought he feared eating me.

"I though you wanted to _eat_ me!" I accused.

Edward burst out laughing for just a second. "Eat you?" His tone was shocked.

"Yes!" I cried out. "I'm your singer, I smell good! When we kiss and you move away, I thought it was because you were scared of losing control!" I felt frustrated out. I had completely missed this.

"I _am_ afraid of losing control," Edward assured me. "But as a man…" His voice dropped. I stared at him in surprise.

"So… All this time, I've been thinking that I could lose my life by kissing you. I made the decision to do it anyway, and now you tell me that it wasn't about me losing my life, but rather my _virginity_?" The words were crude, but I was shocked. I felt I had completely misinterpreted some situations.

"I-" Edward faltered. I felt angry, now. I knew Edward was dangerous, and I knew kissing was dangerous, so I knew every time we kissed that I could get hurt – or that's what I had assumed. "Please, Bella, let me explain…" Edward begged. I gestured for him to go ahead. "In the beginning, it was about you being hurt, no doubt… But I became desensitized and I learned control. Sure, I could still technically crush you, but I feel like I'm in enough control to kiss you without losing my senses…" This didn't make me happier and my expression told him so.

"So when you move away from me, it's not because you fear hurting me, but-"

"Because I fear taking it further… I'm a man, I do _want_ you." His assurance made my heart swell and my expression softened.

"I wish I had known that, Edward," I told him. "I thought physical attraction was different for you…" I sighed to myself and Edward lifted my head.

"I'm sorry, I never meant for you to think that."

"So you _do_ want me?" My heart sped up and Edward nodded. "The same way I know _you_ know I want you?" I knew he could sometimes smell my arousal. It was embarrassing, or it had been, since I had thought I was the only one of us feeling it.

"Yes!" He assured me.

"So you want me like a man wants a woman – it's not about me being too squishy?" I rephrased the question to make sure.

"Yes. I _do_ worry about your _squishiness_ , too, no doubt about that. I would fear making love to you while you're human. But, it's the propriety of doing anything more than kissing that keeps me in check. Making love, touching, and exploring… All those things are for when we are married – no matter how my body responds to you…" Edward ducked his head lightly and I kissed his forehead. I liked when he had mentioned his body responding to me. My hands never wandered, but I wondered what I'd find if they did.

"I didn't think about that," I told him. "I thought it was about my squishiness or that you might eat me, not that you were brought up in a different time – even then, I thought you could _cheat_ by doing other things… Perhaps if _I_ did things to _you_ …" Edward looked at me intensely and I felt myself leaning towards him. For a few seconds, we kissed passionately. I wriggled, feeling aroused, and I suddenly wondered if he felt it too. We broke apart, and my eyes sought out his crotch. I could tell there was a bulge, something I had never noticed before. My breath quickened and I flushed in want.

"I see," I whispered, pleased. Edward ducked his head, but I lifted it easily. "Please, I _needed_ to see this. Sometimes I worried that I was the only one affected…" I whispered.

"You're not," Edward assured me. I felt reassured that we were on the same page, now.

"Tell me more," I asked, moving onwards. I wasn't sure I wouldn't jump him if I continued looking at him

"This is a very broad subject," Edward said. "It touches not just my status as a vampire, but my role as a man brought up in a different era, as well as my religion."

Edward seemed to consider his words carefully. "It's difficult to explain. There are several aspects. The first one is the way I was brought up. In that time, the man was the provider. I was raised to take care of my wife and children. Things were simply different back then…" Edward stilled, contemplating his next words.

"The religion makes things difficult. Religion had a huge impact on my life, because it was such a large part of the society. It's pretty complicated, but an example is women's rights. Women were supposed to be cared for by a husband, so a woman couldn't lie with a man outside of marriage, in case it resulted in a child. Religion took care of the women by making it a sin to fornicate outside of marriage; sure, some did it anyway, but a woman who had a child out of wedlock was destined to a life of poverty… Thus, religion had a huge impact and control on people. It was before contraception and abortion became known, were widely used, or even socially acceptable…"

"I can't imagine such a time…" I whispered. It seemed like half the society's potential was wasted.

"Looking back now, I can't even imagine it. I believe in equal rights, but a part of me still wants to take care of you. To pay your bills, hold the door, whatever is needed. It's an ingrained part of me that has roots in religion due to era I was brought up in…"

"You don't mind me opening my own door." I recalled a time where he had tried to open it for me, but waiting for him, if we were in public, to walk at a human pace to my door seemed too slow.

"There are things I can let go of and things I cannot. I can't make love to you or explore with you until marriage, because religion made me believe that I would sentence your soul to Hell. Despite our earlier conversation, the idea of Hell terrifies me and I just can't take that chance…"

"Why do you accept me becoming a vampire if you think I'm losing my soul, then?" I was curious.

"I'm not a total idiot," Edward smirked at me. "I know that my beliefs are mine and I know which fights to fight. It's _wrong_ to take the decision regarding you becoming a vampire from you. I can only ensure you understand every aspect. When it comes to intimate matter, however…"

"Well, if I don't believe in Hell…" I wiggled my brows at him and he chuckled.

"I do. I know it's irrational, but I believed in it before I became a vampire, and now the feeling has strengthened. A part of me agrees with you, or wants to believe that I have a chance of redemption, but another part of me is sure that I'm a lost cause… I've done enough to secure a place in Hell, but as to how much I will suffer…" He trailed off.

"This would be so much easier if you didn't believe that being intimate without being married and Hell were connected…" I scrunched my face up in annoyance. "In fact, your life would be much easier if you didn't believe in Hell… Doesn't God forgive those who truly repent?" I raised an eyebrow at Edward. Of course, I knew Edward would always see himself as doomed; he was a martyr to the core and he would never believe himself worthy of anything. Having been brought up to believe in biblical superstitions, Edward had been forced to detest himself as a vampire. It was a terrifying aspect of the _change_ , I realized. To forever have such a low opinion of oneself.

Edward shrugged lightly. "We all have ingrained things… Even you."

"What do I have?" I wondered what he had noticed. I wasn't even sure myself.

"Well, the most obvious one is your aversion to marriage." His words were teasing.

"I don't mind marriage," I contradicted.

"You don't like marriage in a young age," Edward amended. How did he know?

"Have we talked about this? I don't recall," I admitted.

"Not in so many words, but we've spoken of Renee enough…" Edward chuckled lightly as I bit my lip.

"Well…" I hedged.

"Let's say I asked you to marry me now. How likely is it you would say yes?" His question was rhetorical, yet I flushed in discomfort and probably looked like a deer caught in a headlight.

"But I'm only 18!" I whispered.

"But you're my mate. There won't ever be another one for us," Edward argued.

"Edward, people don't know that. I think Renee would freak out if I told her I was getting married at 18. Everyone would assume I was pregnant. Real love at 18 is just so _unlikely_ …" I trailed off and Edward smirked at me.

"Despite your lack of popularity, you can't handle the thought people would have if you announced you were to marry at 18," Edward said. "You've been the adult regarding your parents your whole life and doing something that seems too reckless, despite me being your mate, holds you back." He was right. Despite not caring about anyone in town, the thought of owning up to marrying at 18 was almost inconceivable. I was mature, conscious of my decisions, and thoughtful. I didn't do thoughtless. Or, I tried not to, at least.

"So you're saying my mother is my religion?"

"In a sense…"

"I see your point," I admitted. "Does this bother you?" I wondered. "You were raised to marry young; I was raised to marry old…"

Edward laughed lightly. "No, not as long as we're _proper_ ," he winked at me.

"But technically, if we _know_ we are mates and won't ever be with anyone else, isn't it kind of like marriage? And couldn't we explore _just a tiny bit_?" I pressed my thumb and index finger together to show how tiny I meant. He laughed.

"If we _know_ we are mates and won't ever be with anyone else, couldn't we get married before you're turned?" He turned the question around and I narrowed my eyes, but I still smiled.

"So I guess we'll have to wait till I'm changed," I concluded.

"Yes. Probably a few years after that. Being a newborn is very hard, so you probably won't have the mentality to go through marriage…"

"How did Rosalie and Emmett do it, then?"

"Oh they made love the second he was turned – almost. Rosalie had no mind not waiting until marriage." Edward words were innocent and I wondered if he knew what he did to me. I felt very sexually frustrated.

"Great," I said with fake enthusiasm. Edward laughed at my pitiful attempt, leaned over, and kissed me.

* * *

 **Feed a starving writer ;)**

 **The truth is, I have an event in mind, which is WHY I wrote the story. All these last 20 chapters have just been leading up to it. We're so close! A few more chapters...**


	21. Change of plans

**Thank you all for your lovely reviews! They make my day :D**

* * *

 **NO means NO**

A review from Lily (Guest).

You said you found is frustrating that Edward always get his way regarding sex.

Yes, yes he does. Anything else would be **rape**. It's NEVER okay to "persuade" someone into sex. I'm not talking about the sweet-talking you do to your partner, but trying consistently to get your way despite having been told no – **even if it's your partner**. Edward's morals (though we might not agree) are HIS morals, and to disregard them is not okay. He's made it perfectly clear, even in the books, that he believes in marriage before sex.

It doesn't matter if it's sex or not. Even if Edward exclusively ate mountain lion, only wears pink, or whatever, to disregard his emotions on the matter would be wrong.

It is my solemn belief that _**you can do whatever you want, as long as you don't inflict your doings on others**_. That's why Edward accepts that Bella becomes a vampire – because it's not HIS choice. It's not HIS life. He might point out the dangers and explain his opinion, but in the end, it's her choice. Of course, if she tells him to bleep off with his opinion, he should accept that.

As with sex, Bella might tell him her opinion, but a **no is a no.**

You might argue that Bella is his mate and so on, but that's no excuse. He has made his intentions clear, and as a decent person, Bella should respect it.

* * *

 **IMPORTANT A/N**

I've had 2 reviews mention that they worried Bella was going back to book-Bella in ch. 19.

She's not. You might see Bella mellow out a bit, which should be understandable. What she did in ch. 19 was wrong, because she risked a lot, and had she denied that risk, when Edward pointed it out, she would've been childish.

My Bella can admit that she's wrong. She can even cry when it's warranted. You won't see her crying because it rains, or make act like a stubborn baby.

* * *

 **Chapter 21 - Change of plans**

In February, I started having second thoughts about college. I turned to my vampire family for help.

"I've applied to several colleges, and I've applied for grants as well," I admitted. "But, I've begun to think that I don't want to attend college just yet. I mean, if I'm turned, I can attend college any time I want…"

"What are your thoughts?" Esme asked me, kindly. Her kind tone made me feel so comforted and accepted.

I looked towards Edward, who sent me a reassuring smile. "I want more human experiences. I will be giving up a lot of things, and I don't mind it the slightest," I assured Edward, who nodded in accept of my assurance. "But I do mind knowing that my last time as a human is wasted in college… Forks High hasn't been the greatest experience, and I don't want to go to another place, where I have to waste my time pretending…" I leaned over to kiss Edward on his cheek. He massaged my shoulders lightly in support. His cold touch distracted me until Carlisle spoke.

"What do you want to do?" Carlisle asked, curious.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I thought of making a _bucket list_ – is that too morbid?" I wondered. They all chuckled at my idea, but seemed to like the prospect.

"I think it's a great idea," Rosalie said. "You can add all the things that you won't be able to do when you turn, or will be able to do, but with ease…" Her proposal was good. What would I lose once changed?

"So, intense training that leave me sweaty, breathless, and in pain?" I joked, and we all laughed lightly.

"And food!" Esme insisted. "Oh dear, we went to Japan, and I just loved the idea of walking from stand to stand, tasting different things – unfortunately it smells horrid to a vampire, but I've heard it's something humans love to do." Esme sighed contentedly at the memories. I had never even considered Japan – that seemed so far away, but why not? Edward and I would be able to go _anywhere_! The prospect excited me.

"And get a tan!" Rosalie added. "Or not…" A look had passed between my vampire family, which I didn't understand.

"What?" I demanded, not liking being left out.

"A tan might stay if you're changed. You don't want to risk having tan-lines forever," Rosalie explained with a wry smile.

"If something happens and we must change you, a tan would be horrible to have forever," Alice supplied. "Better safe than sorry…" I raised an eyebrow.

"We can't measure venom or break it down, so we actually know very little about it, and how it would affect a tan." Carlisle explained.

"Better avoid a tan, then." I grinned.

I wanted to know more about venom, as I hadn't really considered what venom was before. Our conversation, however, moved along.

"Okay, so what else for your bucket list?" Esme pondered, thoughtfully.

"Training, food, travelling…" Edward murmured.

"I'd like for you all to meet my mom. I know you'll meet her when I graduate, but I wish you could get to know her just a bit better. You're very close to Charlie now, but I'd like if we could invite Renee to any holidays," I admitted.

"Of course, dear! We would love to get to know her better!" Esme promised me, lovingly. It almost felt odd thinking of introducing Esme to Renee. In many ways, Esme was more a mother to me than Renee had ever been. Her kindness and loving, gentle attitude made me feel safe and loved in ways Renee had never made me feel.

We continued talking for most for most of the day. It was interesting to hear what everyone missed, or what they had dreamed about, or what they wished they could re-do as humans. In the evening, after having dinner with Edward and Charlie, Edward and I were alone, talking.

"Tell me more about venom," I asked him. "What was it about a tan?"

"It's a very long subject, but I will try to explain it as simple as possible," Edward explained. "Basically, it seems our venom has two parts of it. One part is the standard recipe for vampires, and the second is what the individual brings to transformation."

"Right." I nodded in understanding as I paid attention.

"The first part _never_ differs, which is what is really interesting. All vampires are cold, hard as stone, have enhanced strength and vision, drinks blood, never sleep, sparkle…"

"- have perfect white teeth," I supplied, and winked, and Edward nodded and smiled wryly.

"Exactly. The thing is, we don't know why this is. We don't understand venom. There has never been a vampire with crooked teeth, non-sparkling skin, and so on. Since we never age, we can see that the oldest vampires, that lived right now, still have the basic vampire traits as the newer vampires, but we don't understand why this is. With our perfect memory, our oldest vampires recall perfectly the ones before them, and it's the same. Carlisle, especially, has tried to find out how venom can demand certain traits to always be there, yet ignore it in the individual make-up…"

"I don't understand," I admitted.

"There are vampires with something akin to tan-lines, and even a hint of freckles. It's very hard to see, as it seems the venom smooths it out. Carlisle once met a Caucasian vampire, who had lived as a human in Africa and had gotten tan. When changed, he kept his tan, though the Change smoothed it out. Yet, other vampires have experienced that they lost their tan. Yet again, vampires, who from birth are of darker skin, always keep their dark skin color…"

"So, you're saying that in some cases the venom removes the tan, but all who have dark skin from birth keep it? When it's a tan, whether or not it stays seems random?" I summarized.

"Yes. But a tan and having dark skin is about melanin in the skin – pigmentation, so how does the venom "know" what to change and what not?"

"I don't get it," I said, confused. "You make it sound like venom is sort of alive…"

"I know, and the problem is that we can't figure out what venom actually _is_ , as it's apparently really hard to measure and analyze…" Edward explained. "Another thing is how venom is constructed. Mutations happen everywhere, so you'd expect to see, over time, vampires who might have crooked teeth, but we don't… It's as if that part of the venom is fixed, unchangeable… This is why we speak of two parts of the venom, the standard recipe and the individual part."

"Wow…" I replied. "It sounds so complex."

"It _is_. Carlisle is very frustrated. It can't be measured. We have no idea if it's biological _, alive,_ or not. Sometimes it acts like an acid, a chemical, by dissolving things, and yet it also acts like a biological being, such as how it spreads. Still, we assume it must be biological, since it must contain some kind of DNA that tells how to make a vampire, but we _don't know_. We have only ever observed it through a microscope, and in that we can't see what it's made of. The only thing we're certain of is that it likes blood. It either eats it or converts blood into venom, which of them we don't know."

"Wow," I repeated.

"We can't know for sure until we can analyze it, and currently there are no ways to analyze it…"

"What does venom look like?" I wondered. I knew Edward had a venom production, he had told me that had been why French kissing had been difficult in the beginning – because he couldn't control it.

"Like spit, actually. It's sort of translucent and watery. We know it runs through our veins, but have no idea _how_ , since we don't have a heart to pump it. Somehow, it just does it on its own…" Edward shrugged, clearly confused.

"Sounds a bit like a parasite," I muttered. "I mean, perhaps it's not right to say that vampires are parasites, but rather their venom. You're just a host to the venom and your need to feed gives it the chance to spread. Perhaps that's what the bloodlust is all about…"

"Interesting theory," Edward admitted. "I've heard it before. I think Carlisle have been through all the theories… Unfortunately, we can't _know_ … Not yet, apparently…" Even Edward seemed frustrated with this.

"Unmeasurable… That seems crazy," I admitted.

"Well, there are things in the human world which cannot be measured, such as azidoazide azide."

"A-what-what?" I blinked.

"Azidoazide azide," Edward repeated and laughed lightly. "It's a compound that's too sensitive to measure. If you measure it, it blows up, if you leave it alone, it blows up." Edward shrugged. "Not that venom blows up, but it can't be measured, either…"

Something occurred to me. "Are there vampire scientists? I know Carlisle likes to help, but he doesn't seem to research as much…"

"He did at one point, but it's a difficult case and he likes to help people, so helping is the priority. The Volturi have tried many things, but their _expertise_ is limited to the era we're in…" Edward's voice had dropped a little and his face showed a form of reluctance when he spoke of the Volturi.

"What's up with the Volturi?" I wondered, referring to the reluctance Edward showed.

"Well, technically they don't like to analyze things. In fact, they seem to ignore the modern world – from what Carlisle has observed. They tried to prove that vampires are best served drinking from humans, but as they failed to prove it, they just kind of ignored the whole deal and kept their opinion…"

"That seems very unscientific," I commented. "But it's kind of cool to think there's such a massive _thing_ that no one knows anything about… Perhaps _I_ will be the one to solve the mystery!" I grinned and Edward chuckled. "And then I will prove that animal blood is better for vampires." I winked at Edward, who chuckled.

"Don't set your hopes up on _that_. Human blood, regardless of whether or not it's better for you, _tastes_ better. And, like I mentioned, the Volturi are doubtful to consider changing their stance… They tried fervently to change Carlisle into a human drinker, to no avail." Every time Edward spoke of the Volturi, I registered an almost hidden dislike.

"You don't seem to like the Volturi much. Why is that?" I wondered, calling him out on it.

"It's… With my gift I can see things people think about, but I don't feel their emotions, so I miss a lot, obviously," Edward explained. "Whenever Carlisle has had a thought about the Volturi, my view on it has been very different than his. For example, he remembers Aro's attempt at conversion with humor, but when I see it in his mind…" Edward shook his head, "I see Aro much differently than Carlisle does… But like I said, I'm missing a lot of information, but it's still hard to ignore the dislike I've ended up having for them…"

* * *

A few days later, I visited Carlisle at the hospital. I did it on one of the few days when I wouldn't get to see Edward after school, and when I knew Carlisle had a long shift. Then he would have more time to bury our conversation before meeting with Edward.

"Bella, this is a pleasant surprise." Carlisle gestured for me to enter his office, and I easily took a seat.

"Hello, Carlisle," I greeted him, easily.

"Did anything happen?" His question was warranted. Lauren had not made any form of retribution, yet, though Edward said she was thinking about it often. Lucky for me, school kept her busy.

"No, no," I assured him. "It's regarding my bucket list," I admitted. Carlisle leaned forward, curious. I took a deep breath. "I want to donate my eggs. Not now, I think, as I know complications might arise, but as close to my change as possible," I revealed. Carlisle leaned back in his seat, and I could see the respect in his eyes.

"That's quite a decision," he admitted. "I'm very proud of you for considering it." His tone was heartfelt and I blushed at his praise. "I will see what I can do. Am I right to think that Edward is not to know, since you came here?"

I smiled wryly. "Well, you can hide what I want to ask you now behind what I just told you, if you need it…" Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "I want to donate blood - for Edward."

Could vampires be shocked? Carlisle looked pretty shocked, right now.

"Donate blood?" He finally managed to whisper.

"Yes. Edward has given me so much. I want to give him something that reflects how much he means to me. What better than the blood of his singer?" Carlisle forgot to blink. "It's the most precious thing I have to give…" The last was a whisper, but Carlisle heard it perfectly.

"I've never heard of a more precious gift. That is truly remarkable." His voice was full of awe. "Yes, donation…" Carlisle busied himself with something in his desk. "You can donate every 2nd month. Am I correct in assuming it's not a one-time-thing?" Carlisle asked. I nodded.

"Definitely. I'd like to start as soon as possible." I replied.

"Hmm…" Carlisle considered things. "We will do it off the record, naturally," Carlisle said. "I don't think Edward will find out. I will make it so that we do it when he's busy," Carlisle assured me.

"And he won't be able to tell? He can't smell I'm missing blood?" I asked. Carlisle chuckled lightly.

"No, but I suggest you don't see him until a few hours after. Normally, the wound closes quite fast, but the scent lingers for a little while longer. Your scent is especially potent, more so for Edward. I will choose days where he won't be home, or where he will be busy." Carlisle winked at me conspiratorially. I laughed excitedly.

"So, when do we start?" My voice automatically became a whisper as we conspired, and Carlisle chuckled. "And where will you keep the blood?"

"I have a storage unit I will place it in," Carlisle assured me. "And we can begin in two days. It's sunny, so Edward and the Alice will stay home, but I will come in to work before the sun is out, and leave once it's gone. You can come by after school."

"You don't think Alice will realize? I mean, she has trouble seeing me, but if I am near you, she might have trouble seeing you…" I trailed off, uncertain.

"Actually, I have been pondering your gift. At the first meeting with the elders, Jasper mentioned that you did something consciously to block him. Do you recall?" Carlisle's curious eyes were watching me. I thought back, remembering how I tried to shrink into myself, cloak myself.

"When I visit next time I can test it…" I was excited that I might be able to control my gift. I had tried to control it before, but I had failed. It seemed an unconscious thing. Thinking back, I remembered how I always tried to keep myself calm as an ocean. Was this the secret of my gift? I tried to visualize a stormy ocean becoming calm, but I had no idea if it worked.

"If it doesn't, I am sure Alice won't tell. You can tell her – she's very good at hiding her thoughts from Edward."

* * *

The following months were busy. I got replies from the grants I'd sought, and I received replies from the universities I had applied to. I was beyond pleased to find that I had been accepted to some of the more prestigious universities, as well as some of the vampire-friendly ones.

The grants were turned down immediately, since I had decided not to attend college. For Charlie and Renee's sake, I would pretend to go, and pretend to keep the grants, which would allow me to focus on my studies.

"I don't know what will make him happier," I admitted to Alice. "Should I pretend that I only got accepted to Alaska? Or should I pretend I got into Harvard?"

"You _did_ get into Harvard," Alice pointed out, making me laugh myself silly. I felt beyond proud that I had managed to get accepted. I had worked so hard for this, so it was amazing to know that my labors had borne fruit.

"Yes, well, you know! Should I _pretend_ that I attend Harvard? I don't know what will be best for your family and for Charlie? Harvard is on the other side of the country, but I know he won't actually care where I end up, because he'll be proud. But, what if he ever decided to visit spontaneously, then it would have to be a place where you guys can go out safely…" I was rambling now. I was excited and felt unable to sit still.

"Bella, calm down," Alice told me, and tried to get me to breathe. "Listen, there are too many variables for me to see anything conclusive," she said. "I can see Charlie will be proud wherever you decide to _pretend_ to go." Alice laughed lightly

"Hmm..." I responded.

"If you want my opinion, I would choose Alaska. The family won't have to hide, like you mentioned. Despite your plan to travel with Edward, you should still be home for the holidays, which will give both Charlie, Renee and Phil an opportunity to visit. You could show them around campus easily and pretend to attend the school…"

"Okay, Alaska. I got into University of Alaska in Anchorage." I breathed out deeply. "Did I get in?" I started looking for the acceptance letter, uncertain.

Laughing, Alice handed me the papers. "You are so stressed. It will be good for you to travel." We laughed easily together.

"This is so exciting! Did you know, the only states I've ever visited are Washington and Arizona? Renee moved to Florida, but I haven't visited her…" I felt like jumping up and down. The idea of travelling with Edward made me excited.

"And here I thought you were excited about being turned," Alice rolled her eyes. Suddenly, she stilled. I recognized her expression as if she was having a vision. To my surprise, she blinked rapidly afterward, seeming very confused.

"Alice?" I wondered, when she didn't seem to snap out of whatever had drawn her in. Her head turned to me, and she looked a little confused.

"That was odd," Alice told me. Her tone was vague, and for a moment she looked more human than I had ever seen her; she looked confused. "I saw- I thought-" Alice frowned.

"What do you see?" I wondered, confused and nervous.

"Nothing, well…" Alice closed her eyes for a second, and slowly a smile spread out on her lips again.

"What?" I asked, apprehensively.

"I had a vision just before, only, it was strange. I saw a Christmas tree, and then suddenly everything cut to black…" Alice explained, clearly uncertain.

"Are the wolves coming?" I knew her vision usually disappeared when the wolves were close.

"No, this was different. It kind of disappeared like with the wolves, but… _different disappeared_. Does that make sense? It cut to black, as with the wolves, but different black…" I wasn't sure I understood what she meant.

"No. Perhaps we should speak to Carlisle," I suggested. "Has it ever done that before?"

"No," Alice said. "But it seems to be back now. I can see the vision normally. It's winter, Christmas… I'm not making much sense, am I?" I shook my head, uncertain. How can you see that you can't see? I wasn't sure what it meant. "At any rate, there's nothing wrong, nothing weird happening," Alice said.

"Still, if it made a _glitch_ , Carlisle should probably know…"

"Perhaps it was just the wolves… They're always messing with my vision," Alice muttered. "I'm looking very much forward to getting away from Forks – away from _them_ …" Alice admitted.

"Perhaps to a place with better shopping opportunities?" I raised an eyebrow and Alice laughed.

"Well, Anchorage is quite a bit bigger than Forks, I'll admit that." Alice winked at me and we laughed.

* * *

That evening, I told Edward about my plans.

"I'm really proud of you," Edward revealed, happily. "You got into Harvard!" He hugged me tightly and I laughed happily in his embrace.

"I'm really happy!" I grinned widely.

"May I ask what your paper was about? I know you kept everything very quiet, and I didn't want to overstep your boundaries by asking," Edward admitted.

"I wrote about Renee," I revealed. "And you." Edward looked at me surprised. "I wrote about my life with Renee." I felt slightly ashamed at saying this. "I feel like I threw her under a bus, to be honest. I wasn't very nice…" I paused for a few seconds, gathering my thoughts. Edward waited patiently. "At first, I had trouble figuring out what to write about. I know I'm not the only one to write a personal essay, so I decided that if I did it, I would be completely honest - well, sort of," I grinned at Edward, who chuckled in response.

"I told them about growing up before my time, about the emotional and physical neglect. I wrote about the friends I missed out on, because I had to take care of her. I told them what a bad person I felt I was becoming, which I only realized after I had met you…"

"You felt you were a bad person?" Edward said, surprised.

"We've talked about it before," I reminded him. "It's not like I went on a roaring rampage, but I started to neglect myself. I stopped caring about myself, because a part of me felt I perhaps wasn't worthy?" It came out as a question. "When you fail to have any real success-experiences growing up, you end up becoming stunted, and I became emotionally stunted, and, perhaps, intellectually stunted. I would let anyone walk over me, too afraid to face them. I would've chosen the easy and cheapest way, because I didn't want to be too far from Renee or Charlie, and I didn't want to burden them financially. I don't think I would've made a very good adult." I paused again, contemplating how much Edward had changed me.

"You forced me to stand up for myself. With you, I started to take chances on myself," I said. "Imagine being my mate, but where I was just a doormat…" I sent Edward a wry smile.

"I think I'd still love you, but I would miss your spunk."

"Spunk?" I laughed.

"Emmett's word. It's a good word, though. You're a strong woman, who knows what she wants and considers her options. I was so afraid of telling you about me. I was afraid that the mating bond would make you accept things, without thinking it through. The worst about being a vampire are the regrets. I couldn't take it, if I thought you'd ever regret it, or regret anything. But, time and time again, you've shown me that you've considered the dangers, you understand them, and you accept them." Edward paused.

"You could just as easily have said 'to hell with the dangers' and ignored it all, but you didn't. You looked at it, considered it and decided…" He smiled happily at me. "I think that's why I feel more confident about your change, too. Knowing that you've really considered it is a huge relief."

"I see what you mean," I nodded my head. "In another universe, I might've just said that I wanted you, and ignored everything else. I don't want you in a position where you feel you have to blame yourself, because I refused to be better prepared…"

"Had you not focused on learning all about us, the good and the bad, I would've probably fought the idea of you becoming a vampire," Edward revealed. "I mean, I don't like to think I'm taking your soul away, but now I feel like it's not my choice. You've decided, and to ignore your choice would be wrong. Had you not thought things through, I might've overstepped your boundaries and chosen for you…"

We ended up snogging each other senseless until Charlie came home.

"What have you two been up to?" Charlie looked at our messy hair and rumbled clothed. I tried to smooth out my clothes without him noticing, but Charlie merely rolled his eyes at my poor attempt.

"Dad, I have something to tell you." I reached over to grab the large envelope on the table.

"You got in!" Charlie said, happily.

"Yes!" I rose from my seat hugged Charlie happily. Charlie was beyond excited and happy for me.

"Wait, where did you get in?" Charlie wondered, and we laughed. I handed him the envelope, which he opened. "Alaska, Anchorage," he read. Charlie beamed at me. "I'm so proud, Bells!" He hugged me tightly. "We should celebrate!" Charlie insisted we eat out, and Edward and I happily agreed.

* * *

Renee was ecstatic that I had been accepted at a college, but she complained that Alaska was cold and very far away. I told her I hoped she'd visit nonetheless. Edward had yet to meet Renee and Phil, and though I wanted them to meet, I was also slightly worried. My mother, despite her constant confusion, was perceptive. I hoped her mind would be open to Edward.

"I hope you'll stay for a while when I graduate. I'd like for you to get to know his family." I had practiced those words to sound nonchalant, but Renee saw through it right away.

"Really?" She laughed at the other end of the phone. "You make it sound so serious." Renee giggled. "He's your first boyfriend, but of course I'll meet them!" I tried not to grind my teeth at how she managed to disregard my relationship and the same time sound happy to meet them.

"Great," I replied, faking my enthusiasm. "I've got to go. Billy and Jacob are coming over." I had barely hung up when Jacob and Billy drove up to the house.

The evening with Billy and Jacob was tense. While my friendship with Jacob was good, Billy always got on my nerves. His constant reminders of what I would leave behind, veiled as to not make Charlie suspect anything, grated on me.

As graduation neared, Billy seemed to get more and more tense. His attempt to persuade me, and Jacob's obvious refusal at getting involved in the matter, made Billy more apparent.

"Billy, Bella should go to college!" Charlie snapped, one evening not far from graduation. "Of course I will miss her, but I want what's best for her and what makes her happy. I will not force her to stay in Forks, like the people on the Rez are!" Charlie thought mistakenly this was about me leaving for college. Sometimes, I wished I could tell him the truth.

Silence. I tried not to smirk at Billy. I enjoyed his discomfort.

"I think-" I joined the conversation. "- that Billy misses Rachel and Rebecca." My words made Billy narrow his eyes at me. I smiled sweetly at him. "You can always call them. I mean, it's not like _anyone_ is keeping you from contacting them, right?" My words were bittersweet. Once I left Fork, I would not be able to return for a very long time – all because of Billy.

* * *

 **Hello all! Feed a starving writer ;)**  
 **Let me know if you have questions or anything!**


	22. Happiness

**Thanks for your wonderful reviews**

* * *

 **Lille (Guest)** I am sorry, I didn't mean to insult you, that was not my intention. I usually respond in PMs, to thank and address whatever ideas people have. I had no other way of addressing your feedback, since you're logged in as a guest. Please forgive me, it was not my intention to sound harsh or blast it out of proportions.

I agree with you; it often seems that it's only Bella who is compromising (not just sex). Somehow, Bella and Edward, in my story, haven't had the need to decidedly compromise, but it's something that makes things more real, so I will look into it.

Again, I'm sorry if you felt I insulted you or made you feel bad.

* * *

 **Chapter 22 - Happiness**

In late March, I said goodbye to my coworkers at the library in Port Angeles. It was a heartfelt goodbye, and I would miss them and the work itself. Since arriving at Forks, working had kept me busy and distracted, and provided me with a steady routine.

It was very strange to leave the library, knowing that I wasn't coming back.

"I wish I could do something to make you happy…" Edward's voice was forlorn and tinted with misplaced guilt.

"Edward, it's not about becoming a vampire, it's about _leaving_ and _growing up_ ," I told him. "Even if you were just a regular boy, I would still have to leave Charlie, just like I had to leave Renee. That was hard, too. And it will be hard to say goodbye, but we all have to do it. We do it with a sad sort of happiness…" I philosophized. "I think you must've read that in hundreds of people's minds. The sadness of going off to college or where ever, yet the eagerness to start their lives…"

"You're going to say goodbye forever," Edward quietly argued, clearly unable to help himself. My sad mood was making him depressed, I realized.

"So I am," I agreed. "If not now, then later. We cannot control the future, and dreaming about the ideal world is silly. I might die before them even if I stayed human – simply because of an accident or due to sickness…" I trailed off, keeping my voice light and relaxed. "Hurting is normal; we hurt in many different ways, and just because it hurts doesn't make it bad… I will miss Charlie, Renee and Phil, you know that, and I will probably cry, but that doesn't mean that I don't want _this_. I will cry over their loss and my own – it's a way to deal with things emotionally…" I was rambling a bit, and I hoped Edward didn't misinterpret it.

Edward was quiet after that.

Having said my job up meant I was now studying for the exams on full time.

Studying, however, was hard. The closer I got to graduation, the more _other_ thoughts seemed to press in on me.

I wasn't sure how long I would stay human and travel with Edward, but I doubted it would be for many years. I thought I could stretch it until I was 20, perhaps, at tops, 21, but then I would like to be changed. I didn't want to look much older than Edward, no matter what.

This meant that I would have limited time with Charlie and Renee; in fact, I would have 1½ years, perhaps 2, and 3 if is really stretched it. Most of that would be over phone or e-mail, since I was pretending to be busy at college, except at holidays when we would meet up. Despite wanting to stay in contact, even just electronical contact, I knew that once I was turned it would be best if I pretended to die. They wouldn't be able to see me in real life anyway, since I would look so different, and I didn't want to ruin the rest of our time with lame excuses as to why I couldn't visit for Christmas or holidays. I knew I was going to miss them terribly, and I had started writing a diary for them to find. It had been Esme's idea for me to write a diary that Renee and Charlie could read. I would partly lie in it, make it sound as if I enjoyed life at college, but also tell the truth of how much I missed them and loved them. I hoped such a diary would bring them some sort of peace. I wanted them to never doubt of how much they meant to me.

This brought forth another thought.

Since my conversation with Edward about marriage and sex, I had started to reconsider things. After having realized how little other people's opinions should matter to me, the idea of getting married at 18 was becoming less and less abhorrent to me.

I'd like to think it wasn't _just_ my hormones, but rather our conversation that made me think about things. I prided myself to be mature and considerate. Edward was my _mate_ , and I knew he and I would be together forever - or however long we would exist. Why should I care what strangers thought? So what if the people of Forks, or whomever, thought I had been knocked up and was utterly irresponsible? Renee and Charlie would be the only ones whose opinion would matter, and I knew they wanted me to be happy, and I wanted them to be a part of it.

I was touched by unhappiness that my father might never get the chance to walk me down the aisle, nor would they know that I had found the person who fulfilled me. Renee's dismissal of Edward as just my boyfriend provoked me. I wanted, I _needed_ , her to understand what he meant to me.

Edward and I would marry no matter what, but I was beginning to feel a need to have my human family be a part of it. As much as I loved Carlisle and Esme as surrogate parents, I wanted Charlie, Renee and Phil to be there and to see me marry Edward and know that I was happy.

"Your heart is fluttering away." Edward's soft voice broke me from my reverie, and I blushed. I wasn't entirely sure how I could tell him that I had changed my mind regarding marriage. While I could technically do the proposing, I knew Edward, due to his upbringing, would really like to do it. In fact, I was pretty sure Edward would find far more pleasure in asking for my hand that I could comprehend. Giving him the opportunity to ask my father for my hand would be icing on the cake for him.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward wondered, curious. He leaned on his elbow and gazed at me lovingly. His hand played with some of my hair, almost distracting me.

I bit my lip. "Just thinking about the future. How much I've changed and will change..." My heart sped up and I felt warm.

Edward chuckled, "And I thought it was only guys who had a one-track mind!" Edward incorrectly assumed I thought about sex since I was blushing.

"I wasn't thinking about sex... Rather, what _preludes_ it." My voice was perfectly steady and innocent. Edward was silent next to me. Trying to keep my voice calm and steady, I added "I've come to realize how little other people's opinions matter to me." We lay against each other in silence. Edward wasn't breathing - I could tell, since I lay up against him. My heart must be deafening to his ears.

Edward jerked and I gasped in surprise.

"Alice is here!" Edward looked at me with wide eyes. He looked surprised, and I thought his mind must truly have been miles away to be surprised by Alice. There was a knock on the door a few seconds later.

"Bella!" Alice screeched from the other side of the door. I rose, slightly thankful for the distraction.

"Alice." I opened the door. "You're early." I wondered if she had seen anything.

"I am precisely on time," Alice replied with a singsong voice, and slipped around me gracefully. I looked at my watch and noted that she was correct. Where had the time gone?

"Oh," I replied and settled into the living room. It was Saturday afternoon and Alice was here to study - or help _me_ study.

Alice opened her bag and produced her notes. There were far too many. At my inquiring glance, she said "I grabbed notes from our last few schools as well - for you."

"Cool." I sat down beside her, sending Edward a grin.

We spent the rest of the day reading up on our subjects. Both Alice and Edward were experts, of course, so it was great to have them help me. Charlie spent the evening in La Push, so I enjoyed having Alice and Edward over the entire evening.

Late in the evening, Alice and Edward prepared to head home. Alice, standing by the door, had a faraway expression. "Bella, Lauren has decided not to study much more, since she's already been accepted into college. She's considering pranking you. Nothing cruel, like beating you up, just good old humiliation."

"That sounds like fun," I replied, snorting.

"Perhaps we can break her leg." Edward winked at me and I laughed lightly, remembering suggesting that exact thing months ago.

"Or perhaps we can prank _her_ ," I suggested.

"We're not allowed to prank humans," Edward said, sounding too grown up. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Really? What did Emmett do?" I wondered, making both Alice and Edward laugh.

"Emmett made a guy pee his pants, once… Carlisle and Esme doesn't like that we use our _advantages_ to prank people, or hurt them, even if it's just words," Edward said. I tried not to laugh, but failed.

"Oh my god, yes!" I hissed. "I don't care if I am going straight to Hell for this," I joked. "We're doing this. Call Emmett!" Edward dialed his siblings, and Alice was laughing gleefully, clearly seeing the future.

"What do you see?" I wondered, curious.

"That we're blaming it on you. Carlisle and Esme won't punish you. Considering how Lauren has acted they'll be more lenient with us." Alice winked at me. I don't think many minutes passed before Alice threw the door open.

"Bella!" Emmett roared eagerly and slipped inside. He hugged me eagerly. "I hear you're planning things!"

"Well, no broken legs. It's Saturday and Lauren is probably with some of the others, celebrating somewhere," I said. "I thought we could prank them a little. I don't know what exactly, but let's find her and see what she's doing!" Jasper was influencing us all with an eager mood.

"Any ideas?" Jasper looked around at all of us.

"Hair!" Rosalie and Alice said at the same time. "Graduation is not far away. We add color to her shampoo!" I laughed at the idea. What color would be great?

"Add a color that would look like she wanted to do it on purpose, but failed at it," Edward suggested, deviously. Emmett and I cackled together devilishly, making the others laugh.

"Or," Jasper called said, "- We could do it over a longer period. Just slowly make her crazy." I laughed at the idea.

"I think it would be wisest if we don't traumatize her for life," Edward said. I agreed with him and Jasper looked mockingly disappointed, making me laugh.

"Would it be too cruel to add the color the day before graduation?" Alice wondered, innocently. I realized now why Carlisle and Esme had forbid their children not to prank humans: they didn't seem to have a stop button.

"No!" I insisted, making Emmett boom with laughter. A small voice in the back of my mind told me that this was cruel, but considering Lauren's past behavior I decided to ignore that voice.

"Alright!" Emmett laughed eagerly.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked, worried. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Lauren won't be ruined because we prank her once or twice," I said. "Of course, we can only hope she will," I added. Rosalie winked at me and grinned.

"Okay, so let's save the hair color for graduation," Alice said. "If we wait about an hour, Lauren will be back from the beach. She's been drinking a very little bit, so that'll make it fun."

"We can add some cans to her room. Her mom and dad can find them," Jasper suggested, grinning. I nodded eagerly. I didn't have anything specific in mind.

"Jessica and Julia are staying over as well. This is going to be great!" Alice jumped up and down eagerly.

"But what's the plan?" I asked, trying to find out what exactly we'd do.

"We'll keep them awake with noises - just make them scared. I think we can do it without waking her parents. They won't get in trouble for drinking, since she's an adult, but if there are plenty of cans lying around they probably will be disappointed."

We worked out the details quickly. Well, _they_ did. I mostly listened. Listening to Jasper outline the plan of attack made me feel like I was about to go to war. Everything was accounted for, and Jasper insisted we used code names.

"Is the _Package_ secured?" Alice winked at me.

"The _Package_ is secured." Edward laughed and held a tight grip on me. I was riding on his back, since I wouldn't be able to get around like them.

"Package," I muttered with a roll of my eyes. "Are the others ready?"

" _Nikita_ has bought plenty of beer in Port Angeles," Alice nodded. Nikita was Emmett, who had insisted on the name. " _Cuddles_ is following the girls home from the beach at a discreet distance. He's slowly building up anxiety," Alice said, trying not to smile. _Cuddles_ was Alice's code name for Jasper. He had tried to resist, but the rest of us had agreed - laughing. "And Bitch Pudding is keeping an eye on house till we get there."

"Why don't I get a cool name?" I whined.

"It was a unanimous vote," 8 Ball, also called Alice, said.

" _Fine_. Let's go, _Mr. Twinkles_!" Edward barked out a laugh at his code name.

"Don't be scared, but I will jump a bit," Edward, Mr. Twinkles, warned me. I was somewhat looking forward to it.

"I have always liked roller coasters," I responded, making Alice laugh. "What? It's almost the same!" I insisted.

With the vampire-speed, we were by Lauren's house in no time. We met up with Bitch Pudding, who told us that the parents had just retired to bed.

"What's going on?" I whispered, seeing Edward's pained expression. Rosalie and Alice chuckled.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mallory are just enjoying some alone-time," Alice explained with a wink.

"Eww," I replied. "You can hear them so well! That must be disturbing. Or perhaps that's what you do at night, _listening in on people._ " It was their turn to looked disgusted and we all laughed together quietly.

"Enjoying the show, Edward?" _Bitch Pudding_ asked, laughing at his neutral expression.

"I'm trying to focus my ability on Bella… It helps block everyone else out… _Almost_." Edward made a wry smile and I chuckled.

"Is Cuddles on his way?" _Bitch Pudding_ wondered, glancing around her.

"Tyler was designated driver. They stopped at the gas station because the girls wants to buy something. They're going to walk the rest of the way home - it's a short distance. Tyler is too tired to wait. They should be within hearing range in a minute," Alice said. "Can you hear them, Edward?" Edward focused.

"They just came within my range," Edward said. "Jasper has been giving them goosebumps," Edward related.

"Well, that was quick," Rosalie commented.

"What?" I asked. Were they here already?

"Mr. and Mrs. Mallory are _done_ ," Edward explained and I burst out in giggles.

"Oh this is so rude. I feel horrible," I admitted, still giggling. "Imagine is someone listened to _us!_ " Rosalie, Edward, and Alice raised their eyebrows at me and I fell silent. "Oh yeah, I forgot… No secrets in the family…" The words were hesitant and unwilling. I was _not_ looking forward to have my private life exposed like that. No secrets indeed.

" _Cuddles_ says they're close. He's making them feel more drunk than they are," Edward said. His voice when he pronounced Jasper's code name made Alice and me giggle.

"Let's get out of the way." Rosalie was gone in a second. It literally looked as if she had vanished on the spot. I was looking forward to be able to do that. I mounted Edward, who jumped up into a tree, making me squeal as it tickled in my stomach. I could hear Alice and Rosalie laugh from their hiding place, and I could feel Edward laugh to himself, too.

It didn't take long for Lauren, Jessica, and Julie to arrive. Jasper had obviously made them feel more drunk than they were, and by the time they reached the house, the three girls were constantly giggling. They were inside the house not soon after, making me unable to follow their movements.

"Mr. Mallory hadn't fallen asleep. He can hear them. He thinks they got really wasted, but from what I can see in their minds, they only had three or so beers each," Edward said, telling us what was happening. Another peal of laughter sounded from Lauren's bedroom.

"Mr. Mallory is up," Edward related. Silence followed. "He's telling Lauren that he thought she'd drink responsibly," Edward whispered, letting me know what went on in the house, since I didn't have super hearing.

"Oh snap!" Emmett's voice startled me. I hadn't realized he had joined us. Edward chuckled lightly at my surprise. I tried to look around, but from my vantage point I couldn't tell where the others were. Emmett had to be close, though, since I had heard him.

"What happened?" I asked, curious.

From just above me, Emmett's said, "Lauren told her dad to _chill_." Emmett sniggered. I looked up, seeing his mischievous face look down at me. He looked so weird, perching on a branch just above me.

"Mr. Mallory has decided to go to bed," Edward related. I turned my attention back to the house.

"What now?" I asked, curious.

"Now we play," Emmett whispered, laughing. I heard the branch whistle quietly as Emmett sprung from it. He landed languidly on the roof of the house. It was fascinating to watch; Edward hadn't liked the thought of me watching him hunt, but being stealthy and seeing them in action like this made them seem so _real_. Of course, seeing Emmett giggle as he slipped over to Lauren's window almost ruined the impression.

Some quiet conversation went on, too quiet for me to hear. Rosalie joined Emmett near the window. I assumed they were trying to sleep, because the light turned off as I watched.

Quietly, Emmett let a finger slide down the glass, making a high, scratching sound. As he did, Rosalie matched the sound with her voice, producing a terrifying, quiet, girlish cry. The hairs on my neck and my arms stood, and I felt myself stiffen at the sound. Edward stroked me gently and I clung to him tighter.

"They're freaked out," Edward told me, barely a second later. The light was on another second later and Emmett and Rosalie was gone from the window. I could see all three girls looking out of the window. I felt their fear – not because Jasper was projecting it, but because the sound Rosalie had made.

"You're safe, Bella," Jasper whispered near me. I could feel his gift trying to calm me and I let it.

"God, _Bitch Pudding_! I swear I almost lost it," I hissed, laughing slightly panicky. "I don't think I had considered what you would do." I heard them chuckle.

"The girls are going to sleep again," Edward told me just as the lights turned off. " _Cuddles_ are going to make them sleepy," Edward said. Edward adjusted himself so that I was pressed more firmly against him. I appreciated his effort. I waited for what felt like minutes. "They're close to dozing off," Edward whispered to me. I watched as Jasper jumped over to the window. "He's going to startle them awake…" A few seconds later Jasper's gift aided him in instantly freaking the girls out. I heard screams. The light in Mr. and Mrs. Mallory's room turned on and I sniggered.

Edward relayed Mr. and Mrs. Mallory's discussion. The house fell silent as the girls had fallen silent, too. The lights turned off.

Alice and Rosalie took up the next part. Their high toned voices resembled wind chimes with a hint of children's cry. The sound freaked me out and I could only imagine how the girls must feel like. I could hear them freaking out again and the light turned on. This time, Lauren opened the window and looked outside.

"Mike, if that's you, you're being a real dick!" Lauren growled angrily.

"And Tyler!" Julie's voice called. The girls discussed who might be outside, or whether it might just have been the wind. They were getting very uncomfortable, now. Slowly, they got back into bed, and I waited patiently to see what would happen.

"Jasper is making them sleep," Edward told me.

"Are we _done_?" I wondered, surprised.

"No," Edward chuckled. "Emmett wants to go inside. I stared in surprise, but dutifully turned my attention to the house. It didn't take long for the girls to fall asleep. I watched Emmett open the window and slip inside.

Edward relayed what Emmett did. From what he said, Emmett had slipped inside and was putting cans around the house, primarily the bedroom. Then, he added things on top of each other, such as Lauren's chair on top of her desk. With a huge bang, Emmett threw the bedroom door open, and then quickly slipped out of the window again.

At the loud bang of the windows, the girls woke up, screaming.

"I felt something!" Jessica screamed. "Something touched me!" They scrambled about and the lights were turned on. Edward jumped closer to lie on the roof with me, closer to the window. I could hear them freak out at seeing the window open, as well as the chair on the desk.

"Lauren, enough is enough!" Mr. Mallory's voice thundered as he entered the room. There was a sound of several cans being kicked around.

"That's not ours!" Lauren insisted, her voice tinted with fear.

"Someone was here!" Julie insisted. I tried to muffle my laughs.

"Enough!" Mr. Mallory said. "Are all of these condoms?" Mr. Mallory sounded shocked and I frowned.

"I thought it was only beer?" I whispered.

"Emmett founds Lauren's condom stash," Edward replied in a whisper. Condom stash? How many did she have? I shook my head in disbelief while Lauren and her father argued. Edward told me Jasper was pushing her emotionally, making her more confrontational. Soon, Mr. Mallory was yelling, and Jessica and Julie insisted they wanted to go home. Mr. Mallory ended sending them home, and then calling their parents to let them know what had happened.

"They're all grounded for bad behavior," Alice told me. "Their parents accept light drinking, but they think the girls were smashed…" Edward chuckled.

* * *

I didn't get to see the aftermath of what happened with Lauren, Jessica, and Julie since school was out while we studied for exams. Alice, however, kept an eye on things and related what went on. All three had been grounded. Jessica and Julie were angry with Lauren, who they thought had been behind some of the things. Also, they knew about her condoms, and keeping them lying around had impacted them when Mr. Mallory had found them.

Meanwhile, exams were drawing closer. I studied vigorously with Alice and Edward, who helped me as much as they could. I was pretty sure I'd do well, since I always got good grades, but I wanted to be perfect, now.

Surprisingly, the exams were over rather quickly, and it almost felt anticlimactic. After my last exam I lazed around in the Cullen home.

"So… Alice," I said, nonchalantly.

"You're getting top grades in everything," Alice replied, not looking up from her magazine. I laughed, making Alice laugh.

"Really?" This was what I had wanted to ask her, but she had obviously seen it. I was giddy at the knowledge that I had done so well.

"Did you expect anything less? _I_ was helping you," Alice reminded me with a wink. I chuckled.

"Thank you so much for your help, Amazing Alice," I stood and bowed to her with a flourish and Alice giggled. I sat back into the couch again. "Looking forward to graduation - again?" I teased Alice. Graduation was two weeks away, and we had just received our graduation outfits; yellow. I think Renee would love them, but I thought they looked ugly. They resembled the faded yellow Charlie's kitchen had had before I painted it.

"Don't get her started," Edward moaned. I chuckled.

"I just don't _get_ why we have to wear such ugly gowns! I mean, I know clothing isn't _all there is_ , but who came up with that color? Why do we need to wear such ugly clothes to such an important ceremony? To _me,_ it looks like no one _considered_ it, and that says something about the school!" Alice ranted. I stared at her, surprisingly unsurprised.

"Alice, if you wore a bag you'd look great," I assured her, but she merely rolled her eyes petulantly. I wondered how Rosalie had survived wearing it.

"For a human, yes," she agreed sourly. "But I would never be able to look great for a vampire," she told me, her voice bordering whining.

"Well, technically you're not showing off for anyone," I pointed out.

"Jasper will see me." I could tell she really didn't like that thought. It occurred to me that I didn't like to look like an idiot in front of Edward, either, so in a way I understood her. Of course, she reached her limit much faster than I reached mine. I hadn't given the color a single thought.

"Alice, why don't you just… _remove his attention_ from the ceremonial dress?" I asked, suggestively wiggling my eyebrows. She stared at me stunned, and I could tell she was having a vision. Edward looked vaguely uncomfortable, and Alice grinned and laughed joyously.

"Oh, I see what you mean," Alice purred. I laughed. "I better buy matching stockings!" She was gone before my mind could register it, and I looked around myself mildly surprised.

"You're really good at making people focus their attention on something else." Edward kissed me lightly. I sighed in his embrace, always wanting more. For a while, I lay against Edward, gliding my fingers up and down his arms. I knew he liked my warm touch - just as I loved his cold touch.

"Want to go to our meadow?" Edward suggested and I nodded.

"Sure," I agreed. I climbed his back skillfully. We reached the meadow in no time, and in the late April weather the meadow was dry and in bloom. I wished it would be sunny so I could see it in the light. I looked so amazing.

"You've been so quiet lately, are you alright?" I wondered, curious. I gently stroked his face, and he closed his eyes. His expression was one of peace.

"You notice so much," he whispered quietly, serenely.

"I just know you well," I told him simply, but I knew it wasn't necessarily true. Since being with Edward, my senses had been tuned to fit vampires. Of course, I couldn't hear what they said or match their speed, but I was just aware that _something_ went on, while most humans didn't notice. I had also realized that I had perhaps always been extra aware of the Cullens, since no one else at school noticed their eyes change like I had done, even before befriending them. I think it had something to do with being Edward's mate.

"I love you," he whispered, and held me close. He held me tighter than usual, and my heart thudded pleasantly at the contact. He released me all too soon, and his eyes found me. "I wish you could feel what I feel right now. I've waited so long for you, and meeting you just changed everything; it changed me. I had to consider things that I'd never had to consider before. My ideas about the afterlife, about good and bad, about right and wrong, and about souls were challenged. So many things have happened. All vampires know that we're unchanging, but one of the biggest things that inspire change is meeting your mate. I never realized how true this was before I met you," Edward said. His eyes held so much love and devotion. Goosebumps broke out over my body at his words.

"I'm a selfish creature, but I never wanted to condemn anyone to this life; after numerous talks and discussions I also found that I couldn't condemn you to the human life, either. I had to make a choice, _you_ had to make a choice, and it meant that everything I believed it had to be reconsidered…"

Smirking, Edward continued, "When I look back I feel like such an idiot. I understand why Carlisle almost sighed every time I wanted a discussion. I always thought I'd be stuck as a teenager, but since I met you I've grown up."

"We rarely change, but I _had_ to change in order to accommodate you. Thank you for helping me grow up," Edward whispered quietly. I was touched by his words.

I stared at him, my eyes almost brimming with tears. He was so sincere, and I knew, both from his account and his family's, how he struggled with being an older man stuck in a teenager's body. I understood why Carlisle had been so worried that he'd changed Edward too early, and I understood why Edward had believed what he did.

For a while we sat there, enjoying each other, until I heard a rustle from Edward. My heart stopped as I saw a small box in his hand.

"Bella, I can't live without you. You make me stronger, you make me feel more than I've ever felt. You make me want to _live_. Please consent to become my wife." He fell onto one knee and opened the box. Inside lay a gorgeous ring. it was huge; long and oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds. It looked timeless, which fitted our situation perfectly.

"Yes," I replied breathlessly. The ring was a perfect fit. It looked so out of place on me, and I felt like a ball gown was needed in order to wear it. Edward looked ludicrously happy and kissed me all over my face, with such haste than I simply had to sit still, until I burst into giddy giggles.

"Wow…" I said eloquently.

"You said yes," Edward breathed out a sigh.

"Of course," I replied. "I told you I would." I grinned at him, referring to when I had hinted about reconsidering my stance on marriage.

"I know," Edward laughed and ran his hands through his hair. He looked like he had just run a marathon –exalted. "When you told me you had considered how little other people's opinions mattered to you…" He trailed off, shaking his head in wonder. "Wow, I was just blown away… Despite it, I was still anxious. You know Alice has trouble seeing you," Edward admitted. "It's been horrible. I can't read you, nor can Jasper and Alice fully, so actually knowing if you said yes…" He trailed off, laughing in obvious relief.

"Well, Alice can see the wedding, I'm sure," I reminded him.

"At some point. It might have been the third time I asked that you'd say yes." Edward rose in a fluid motion, pulling me with him. He stared at me with such longing, that my knees went weak. "I almost can't wait for me to be able to hug you like I really want," Edward admitted. His hands fell limply to his sides, and I regretted our position.

"Well, perhaps I can hug _you_!" I flung myself at him. It was like hugging a rock. I gave it my very best, and Edward laughed. "Can you feel how I crush you?" I wondered.

"Yes, I almost can't breathe! You're too strong," he teased me.

"Aww, I gave it my all," I replied with a laugh. We settled onto the ground again, and I snuggled into his embrace. "I imagine Alice will be terrible," I foresaw. Edward kissed my forehead.

"It's _our_ wedding," he replied, grinning absolutely ludicrously. "Don't worry about her." I nodded in reply. Silence filled the air between us, and I spent it contemplating what just had happened. Edward had proposed. I was filled with excitement and worry at the same time. In a week, Renee would be arriving, and I was already stressing over this.

"You're thinking hard," Edward observed.

"Renee is arriving in a week. She has yet to meet you," I explained.

"You don't have to tell her yet. We have plenty of time," Edward assured me. "We can pretend to get engaged at Christmas, that will give us some time."

"I understand the reaction both Renee and Charlie might have; you and I have only been together less than a year. Telling them we're _mates_ won't go over well. Still, this is my choice…" I saw in my mind the conversations I'd have. "I want to tell them," I looked up into Edward eyes and knew he liked this choice. I kissed him on the nose and prepared myself for the inevitable discussion.

"But not today," I added. "Do you have a date in mind?" I wondered, curious.

"Not particularly. We can compromise and tell them we'll be engaged for a while…" Edward suggested.

"I turn 19 in a few months. Perhaps we can marry around March – that's nearly a year away, or earlier if the weather is better for you. I am sure they'll have enough time to get used to the idea…" I considered.

"Good idea. I think March will be fine – not many sunny days in Anchorage, and Alice will keep an eye out, I'm sure," Edward nodded in agreement.

"Does it bother you that you didn't get to ask Charlie for my hand?" I was curious about this; I knew he had wanted it.

Edward shrugged lightly, "A little, but compromises must be made. I admit I am glad you're willing to tell him right away. A part of me doesn't like him thinking we're living together unmarried, even though I know he thinks we're having sex. I'm a little undecided on what I feel in regards to that," Edward chuckled. "On one hand, I want to tell him we're not active and are waiting until we marry, and I want to ask him for your hand, but on the other hand, I can see it doesn't fit in anywhere, and I'm also okay with it…" I nodded in understanding of the polar feelings he had – I had many of the same type of feelings.

"He thinks we're active?" I made a wry face, not liking the idea that Charlie had considered my sex-life.

"Of course. He wondered if he should have a talk with you, but he decided that you knew enough to not get pregnant or sick. Also, you worked in a library, so he was sure you would find some books if you needed to know more…" Edward explained. "To be honest, you're a person who tends to study and be prepared, so I am sure he thought you had everything under control." I was touched the Charlie had so high thoughts of me.

Hesitantly, I said, "Do you think it will be weird for Carlisle and Esme?" At his confused expression, I elaborated, "I mean, when I die..." Edward looked sad.

"I've spoken briefly with Carlisle and we agreed that it's likely I will pretend to die as well," Edward admitted. "You'll need someone with you, after all." I nodded in understanding. "I am sure Carlisle would like to add to your savings account before handing it over to Charlie and Renee, just to ensure that they're somewhat taken care of…"

"Perhaps some of the grant money, unless they have to hand them back?" I suggested.

"I don't think they have to hand them back, but we can pretend you have a job on the side; perhaps Carlisle recommended you for a job at the local hospital, which allowed you to earn a bit more on the side…" It was all speculation, but I liked the idea of leaving money to Renee and Charlie. I knew they were saving up as well, but I liked the thought that they could live without worry. I was sure that Carlisle would try to add as much money as possible to leave financially secured, and find some weird explanation as to the money. I could probably pretend I won the lottery.

We spent the evening together. I avoided Alice – for now-, but I knew she would pounce tomorrow. I wasn't sure if she had seen my decision – I hoped she hadn't. It would make her reaction much more precious. I decided that Edward and I would tell Charlie tomorrow as well – perhaps after Alice, so that she might glimpse a vision of how it would go.

* * *

We lay on my bed until I had nearly fallen asleep.

"Are you leaving?" I wondered, drowsily.

"No, love. Jacob is outside, he just wants to talk," Edward assured me. "Sleep, I'll be back in a second." As if I could sleep now. I forced myself up and unsteadily I stood. Edward surveyed me.

"What does he want?" I wondered, moving towards the window. Outside, Jacob stood as a giant wolf. I wondered how weird it would be if Charlie happened to glance out the window.

"Jacob picked up a scent that doesn't belong to us," Edward explained, glancing towards Jacob. "Jacob, I've texted Carlisle; he's bringing Alice, Jasper and Emmett. They'll meet you at the border. I will stay here..." I watched Jacob nod and take off.

"Is it dangerous?" I whispered. Edward slowly moved me back to the bed.

"No, it's probably just a nomad. I can hear anyone within a few miles, but I recognize nothing new, so whoever it was isn't near us," Edward revealed. I wondered how his mind could handle all those voices. I wanted to ask, but I was getting tired again.

"I'm sure Alice would've seen if it was related to us," I told Edward and settled into his embrace again. I felt Edward kiss my hair and I slowly dozed off again.

* * *

 **Please review :) Thank you.**


	23. Family relations

**A/N:** The drinking age is 21 in USA, so please forgive me that the parents let their children drink (even Charlie). For the sake of the story, pretend that the drinking age is 18.

* * *

 **Chapter 22** has been re-written regarding how Lauren and her friends came home. Originally, they walked and stopped at the gas-station to buy more beer, but I can see how this can be misunderstood as if they were driving drunk. Not only that, but walking seems unlikely considering the distances, so I've changed it so that they were driven to the gas-station by Tyler (which wasn't far from Lauren's house) and from there they walked home.

* * *

 **Chapter 23 – Family relations**

The following morning, I woke up early. My dreams had been plagued by the inevitable confrontation with Renee regarding marriage.

"You slept like a rock," Edward said, smiling when I asked if I had been noisy.

"Really? I had a really horrible dream… I think Renee will freak out on me… I mean, she knows that I'm not like her, but she often has trouble separating herself from any situation…" I tried to dispel the dream from my mind.

"Perhaps we should wait?" Edward suggested, but I shook my head.

"We're not getting married tomorrow. She will have plenty of time to get used to the idea," I brushed off his concerns. Renee would be the difficult one of my parents to convince, but that was probably because I rarely mentioned Edward and she hadn't met him.

Changing the subject, I asked, "Did you find out who that nomad was?"

"No; it wasn't a scent Carlisle recognized," Edward said, shrugging.

"Do you think the wolves were in danger of exposure?" Though I could hardly imagine anyone being able to threaten Jacob, I had been led to understand that if the right vampires found out there was a specific breed people/animal they, the wolves, might be eradicated. They were nothing against an army of vampires.

"It was far from their border - on neutral land. And the scent was closer to _our_ home than the wolves'," Edward revealed. "Carlisle thinks they got a whiff of our scents and realized the territory is occupied and moved on." It seemed so crazy to think of other vampires. Vampires who could be dangerous. I was so used to Edward and the rest of the Cullens being so _safe_. I giggled, unable to control myself.

"What?" Edward asked, curious.

"Well, I was just thinking of other vampires. That nomad might've eaten humans… And I realized how _tame_ that makes you look." I was teasing him and I laughed at the end of my sentence. Edward looked amused, but his expression quickly changed to playful.

"I think I have to show you just how _wild_ I am," Edward threatened mockingly. I laughed loudly, and then I shrieked as he sprung at me. He held me secure in his embrace as we skidded across my room. Something didn't feel right; I felt heavy. As I slowly began to realize my new surroundings, I realized I was upside down.

"I thought you said you didn't turn into a bat," I commented. He held me safe in his embrace, but we were upside down. I tried to see how he actually managed this feat, but I was unable to do so. "How are you managing this?" I wondered, incredulous.

"You have a small suspension nail in the ceiling that my toe is stuck on," Edward said, completely serious. I laughed in shock,

"You're lying; you can't hang in that." I knew what nail he spoke of, but to hang in that seemed impossible. It was for lamps.

"So, I'm fast and strong, but hanging on a nail is impossible?" Edward laughed at me. I was getting red-faced from hanging upside down, so Edward turned me easily in his embrace, as if I was a mere object. I found myself back on the ground and I looked up to see him hanging perfectly from the suspension nail in the ceiling.

"As long as it can handle the weight, we're fine," Edward was by my side in an instant. I looked down and saw he was wearing shoes again; it occurred to me that I had never seen his naked feet.

"I don't know how to respond to this," I admitted, falling short of making sense. I shook my head instead and sat down on my bed. "Has Charlie left for work? Otherwise, it would've been a funny sight," I chuckled lightly.

"A few hours ago," Edward said and sat down on the bed with me. "Alice is on her way," Edward revealed. "I'm sorry, she insisted on visiting the moment you woke up…"

"I wonder why," I replied, winking at Edward who laughed. "Let's eat." We moved down into the kitchen, but barely had we arrived before Alice knocked eagerly. I gestured for Edward to open the door.

"Bella!" She was by my side by vampire speed in no time, hugging me. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Alice." I hugged her hard, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Please, please, please, please-" Alice bounced on the spot next to me, eager.

"You can arrange the wedding," I cut her off. She squealed loudly. She was grinning massively as me, but restraining herself from hugging me.

"I want to hug you _so bad_ , but if I do there won't be a wedding," Alice explained, giggling madly. I laughed and leaned over to hug her, trying as best to squash her once more. She laughed happily.

"This is a real honor!" Alice told me. "Thank you so much!"

"Just remember it's Edward and me. Keep it to our style. I'd like veto on the guest list, and by that I mean the only humans allowed should be my parents and Phil, and I'd like to be in on the wedding dress, too…" I asked. I didn't much care for the rest, but I'd like to know what her thoughts were.

"It's going to be _amazing_!" Alice assured me, happily.

"You can't _look_! Edward will see!" I insisted.

"Don't worry, I haven't looked," Alice assured me, sounding almost annoyed. I raised an eyebrow and she elaborated. "Edward said you thought the wedding could be next year, but it's too far away for me to see anything - it's just dark. I think there are too many possible things happening for me to get a clear vision. Or the wolves are coming..."

"Didn't you lose your vision regarding the wolves? You had a short period a while ago I remember," I said, recalling a situation where Alice's vision had been blank for a few seconds. Perhaps that was the reason she had lost her vision?

"What was this?" Edward wondered, confused. His expression cleared up, somewhat, after seeing it in Alice's mind. "That seems like an unlikely glitch," Edward argued.

"Well, the wolves _are_ making it difficult to see when they're near; It would make sense to invite them - be a good sport and all that. Still, I've always been able to get a hint of the far future, even if it's just many, many possible futures…" Alice replied, not sounding entirely sure. They were staring at each other, seeing things I wasn't privileged to. I cleared my throat.

"What?" I demanded.

"I lose my vision of the future sometimes; just for a few seconds, and then it's back… I think the wolves are involved, and it's annoying…" Alice explained.

"It's only been a few times, now," Edward reasoned. "I still think we should keep an eye on it… There's no reason the wolves should affect your vision if we live in Alaska."

"I told Carlisle," Alice said. "He said it's likely because of Bella. Her existence makes a hole in my vision, sometimes. If she's excited, such as at her wedding day, it _might_ make her emotional enough that her ability expands…"

"It can do that?" I asked, surprised.

"Our abilities are tied to our emotions," Edward explained. "If I'm especially upset, I can't control my ability and I end up hearing everyone within a few miles. Normally, I can keep everyone at a low buzz in the back of my mind." This explained how he could ignore people, and how he perhaps missed a nomad.

"I can't imagine what would happen if Jasper lost control." I shuddered at the idea.

"It's happened before," Alice said in almost a whisper. "Once he _fell of the wagon_ , and he was very _distraught_." I felt so sad on Jasper's behalf and I squeezed Alice's hand in support. "Enough with the gloomy thoughts," Alice announced. "How are you going to tell Charlie and Renee? I can see you plan on telling Charlie tonight, but you haven't decided on how…"

"We sit down with him when he gets home…" I suggested. "We tell him that we're getting married…"

"You're more like him than Renee; once you make up your mind that's it. We don't plan on children just yet and we're planning the wedding to next year, but we wanted him to know that this is our choice." Edward's voice seemed so reasonable and compassionate. I couldn't imagine Charlie denying this.

"Hmm… Waste of time," Alice said, and Edward chuckled. I frowned, uncertain. "Almost all possible futures seem positive inclined regarding his reaction."

"Charlie won't be surprised at this. He thinks it's early but supports your decision…" Edward explained.

"Keep your tone mature and secure. Do not act like a petulant child, do not threaten to move out instantly if he doesn't comply…" Alice warned. "He respects you like an adult, and I think that's the way to go about this… The only way I can see that he's against it, is if you act like a child..." I nodded in acceptance of Alice's words.

"What about Renee?" I wondered. Edward and I tried to be more specific, but Alice saw too many possible futures. Renee seemed like such a loose cannon, and for now, there were too many variables. In one future we could tell her and she'd be fine, but in another, we could tell her in the exact same way and she'd get angry. Her mood was tied to things in her own life.

Around lunch we went to the Cullen house to meet up with the rest of the family.

"I am so happy!" Esme hugged me gingerly, clearly excited at the prospect of the upcoming marriage. "I am so proud of you, Edward!" Esme moved to hug Edward more firmly, and I could tell Edward would probably have blushed at her praise had he been human. I liked to see him so rattled - in a good way, at least.

"Welcome to the family!" Rosalie hugged me eagerly as well, and I merely grinned in response.

"Big brother!" I greeted Emmet, who did his best not to squeeze me too hard, and I laughed. It was followed up by a hug with Jasper as well.

"Congratulations, Bella," Jasper congratulated me happily. I laughed, feeling giddy, and he giggled as well - obviously high on emotions. Carlisle wasn't here, since he was at work, but Esme said he wished us both congratulations.

We stayed with the family until an hour or so before Charlie got home from work. I had decided to cook him his favorite food; perhaps it would soften him a bit.

"Hey dad." I really tried to sound calm and keep my cool, but I think I must've looked off - I was very anxious. Charlie sniffed the air and narrowed his eyes at me, obviously sensing his favorite dish being prepared.

"What did you do?" Charlie asked, though he was smiling as he said it. I breathed out, wishing that we could have this conversation after dinner.

"I made your favorite dish." I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm off to college soon, I just want to pamper you while I can. Besides, imagine if Renee insists on cooking when she visits…" Charlie looked horrorstruck at the thought.

"I thought she'd stay in Port Angeles," Charlie responded, uneasy.

"I was just kidding," I assured him, realizing that the presence of Renee would perhaps be upsetting to Charlie. Or perhaps it was the presence of Phil that made him anxious. I knew a part of him still loved Renee.

"Hello, Edward," Charlie greeted Edward, who had been hiding in the kitchen.

"Just making sure Bella doesn't burn anything," Edward explained, teasing me. I scurried into the kitchen with Edward again, leaving Charlie to relax.

"What are his thoughts? Is he curious?" I whispered, impatiently.

"You seemed a bit _exuberant_ when you greeted him, he thought we'd been kissing in the kitchen. Or rather, he _hopes_ that's what we did…" Edward snickered at my expression of horror.

"I wouldn't do _that_ in his kitchen!" I whispered, shocked. Of course, I wouldn't do that at all, since Edward was a stickler for marriage first. We prepared the rest of the food in a comfortable pace. Normally, I would hang out around Charlie some more, but my anxiousness was shining through and I knew he could tell something was up, so I tried to busy myself in the kitchen. It didn't help that Edward seemed anxious as well.

It resulted in an awkward dinner.

"What have you been up to today?" Charlie inquired.

"Just hanging out. Went to the Cullen's house… Came back and cooked…" I answered, playing with my food and trying to sound nonchalant. I felt too wound up to eat.

"How did your exams go, Edward? And Alice's?" Charlie continued, questioning. Edward seemed more eloquent than me, but even he seemed slightly off. It was enough that Charlie lay down his knife and fork and looked at us.

"Alright, what happened?" Charlie asked, staring at me intently.

"Nothing, everything is fine..." I said, trying to be calm, but failing. This wasn't how I wanted the conversation.

"Edward, what happened?" Charlie demanded, switching target to Edward. I think, had this been an entirely different situation, I would've appreciated how Edward seemed to shrink under Charlie's penetrating stare.

"I asked Bella to marry me and she said yes..." Edward said in a rush. I stared at Edward and he stared back at me with widened eyes, clearly not intending to put it like that.

"Marry?" Charlie echoed, surprised. "Are you pregnant?" He narrowed his eyes at Edward.

"No, no," I hurriedly said. "We're not _active_. Edward believes in marriage before _that_ , so we don't…" I trailed off, feeling as if I was rambling.

"You're 18," Charlie reminded us.

"Sir, I love Bella more than anything. I guess in my family love runs deep; once we meet that special someone that's it… Carlisle and Esme met young and so did my biological parents… There's no one else but her; she makes me feel so _whole_ …" I think had anyone else but Edward said those words, I would've found them naive, corny, and probably rolled my eyes. However, somehow Edward made those words seem so natural, as if he was simply stating a fact, like the earth revolves around the sun; it was undeniable. Charlie leaned back in his chair, clearly a bit overwhelmed by Edward's powerful voice. Was there some vampire allure hidden in his voice? I knew he often got his way, so maybe this was why.

"I'm not surprised - I've seen how you act around each other…" Charlie admitting quietly. "You're like me, Bella." His hidden meaning about his continued love for Renee saddened me. Even Charlie looked momentarily saddened at the unwelcome memory of his lost love.

"You're not angry?" I whispered, reassured. I feared that we had screwed things up to ruin Alice's prediction. It would be my luck to end up making the 5% of Alice's predictions, which were a negative response, become real.

"Of course I'm not. It's not surprising, like I said. I do have eyes, I can see how you behave…" Charlie told me, caressing my hands lovingly for a second. "It's… strange…" For a moment his voice faded as he mulled it over. "The way you move around each other, it's like your bodies complement each other and _fit_ …" There was no response to this, but I liked the idea of his words.

"And you're really waiting with sex until you're married?" HIs question threw me off and I blushed a deep scarlet.

"Yes. I was raised on different principles," Edward merely replied. He was much better and keeping his cool than I was. Of course, he still looked very embarrassed, but at least he could talk...

"When are you considering the big day to be?" Charlie wondered.

"Next year, perhaps March," I replied. "We're not clear on the details, far from it…"

"Hmmm… What are Carlisle and Esme saying to all of this?"

"They're happy for us. Carlisle and Esme are moving to Anchorage as well - we've lived there before and have family nearby. We will live with them while we're attending college - and sleep in separate bedrooms until we're married. Carlisle and Esme are very focused on decorum." I think if Edward would have blushed, he could've. His tone was somewhat neutral, showing just how shy he was from the conversation.

"That's all nice a good. I don't mind you two sharing a bed before marriage, as long as you're being smart about it. Still, I can't say I don't appreciate you waiting," Charlie told us, strictly. He cleared his throat in a vague attempt to dispel the discomfort.

The conversation after this was somewhat stunted. Charlie seemed to be deep in thought, and Edward told me he'd leave me and Charlie for a while, giving me the impression that Charlie wanted to speak to me privately.

"Dad?" I wondered, breaking his train of thought when Edward had left. "You okay?"

"It's just very soon. You're so young, you grew up so fast… But you're like me, so much like me…" His voice was thoughtful and almost too quiet for me to hear. Charlie looked at me and smiled. "I trust you, Bella. If this is what you want, then I'm happy for you. I'm glad that you're waiting a bit, but you _are_ like me; once you love someone, you love them always… Edward is a good guy..."

"I love you, you know that, right?" It suddenly seemed so _real_. Charlie hugged me tightly.

"I love you, too, Bells. I'm very proud of you. Edward seems like a genuinely nice guy. I can see it's more than just a teenage crush you have; I think everyone can see that." Charlie smiled happily at me, but I could see that his eyes seemed shinier than normal; it put a lump in my throat. "I couldn't be happier that you've found such an amazing family to join. Carlisle and Esme are wonderful people, and I trust them and you. I'm a little surprised at Edward's old-fashioned upbringing, but I'm glad. It gives you time to enjoy and explore each other's minds, rather than just the physical aspect." I nodded in reply, but couldn't quite deny that I had wanted to explore the physical aspect. It seemed Charlie could see that and he chuckled at me.

"Suppose it is _you_ I should worry about rather than Edward." Charlie chuckled and I flushed.

"Renee, mom, will not take this well… Will you help me?" I looked at him for support and he gazed back at me with soft, caring eyes.

"Bella, I am with you 100%. I love you, no matter what you do. You've shown yourself to be a capable young woman, and you were capable long before you came to Forks. Renee will respect this," Charlie assured me. There was a hint of steel in his voice regarding Renee, and for a moment he was cop-dad - tough.

I made tea for myself, since it was evening, and handed Charlie a beer before we settled into the couch.

"I'm not entirely sure of how to tell her," I admitted. "I was thinking a few days into her stay, so that she's gotten the chance to meet the Cullens and Edward…"

"I don't know, Bells. I think perhaps you should be upfront as soon as possible. I don't think your mother would like finding out that Carlisle and Esme partook in keeping your engagement a secret from her - or me, for that matter… I think that would send the wrong message," Charlie admitted. I nodded in agreement, not having considered this aspect.

"Perhaps Edward and I will tell her when we eat dinner together on her first day…" I trailed off, uncertain. I knew Renee would freak out. In the long run, I was sure she'd support me, but Renee wasn't known for being subtle. She would react first and think later. I wasn't sure I liked to put Edward through that.

Our thoughts were the same, and Charlie said, "Perhaps spare Edward her raging outburst and tell her in the car when she arrives… If you're really sneaky, you will invite her to have dinner with all the Cullens the day she arrives. They're quite a sight, and I'm sure that will keep her quiet," Charlie chuckled and I laughed along with him. Yes, the Cullens were quite a sight.

"If we're going to eat dinner with them I'd like for you to be there, if it's okay with you. I get it if you'd prefer not to, but if I do, you're more than welcome…" I admitted, uncertain.

"Bells," Charlie smiled at me with love and grasped my hand. "I love Renee, but she and I didn't fit together. In many ways, I'm glad, because she's quite a handful. I love her, but I'm okay that she's with Phil. He seems like a decent guy, and I wouldn't miss dinner with my daughter and son-in-law's family for anything. Don't you worry about me." He squeezed my hand.

"Thanks dad," I whispered and hugged him tightly.

* * *

Preparation for Renee's arrival was almost an event in itself. Carlisle and Esme had asked me to tell them about her, so that they could meet her needs the best way possible. Alice was sure that Renee would be distracted by the idea of planning a wedding, and although I feared bringing Renee into planning anything, I could see the merit in both the distraction, but also letting her be part of something so important.

It felt like a strenuous affair, and it only served me to make me tense when I drove to the airport to pick them up. My engagement ring glistened in the midday sun, and I was briefly reminded of the comical expression Charlie had worn when he was my ring. Of course, we pretended it was an old family heirloom and not his mother's.

I parked the car and went inside; their flight had just landed. The pain in my stomach was growing and I felt like I would throw up any minute. I considered going to the bathroom when my cellphone rang.

"Alice?" I wondered, surprised.

"I _saw_ you!" Alice sounded happy at the notion. "You looked very sick. Relax, Bella. We're taking care of everything. Renee will freak out to begin with, but soon she'll be on board. Deep breaths," Alice instructed. "Now go buy a soda and a cookie. Calm down. Breathe. We're here for you. Your mother and Phil are coming out of the gate in ten minutes. In 1 hour you'll have delivered them safely at the hotel, and in 1 hour and 2 minutes you will see Edward, who has run to Port Angeles to drive with you back." Her voice was like chanting.

"1 hour and 2 minutes," I repeated. "1 hour and 2 minutes…"

"Breathe…" Alice instructed. I took a deep breath and let it out, feeling more relaxed. "Now go buy a soda and a cookie. Remember you're loved; Remember that Charlie loves you…"

We hung up, and I bought the recommended soda and cookie. It helped. As I sat waiting for her, I started wondering why I was even upset. Since coming to Forks, I had changed so much. I was no longer willing to let anyone walk over me, or tolerate anyone hurting me. Why was my mother so different? There was no doubt she'd be upset at first, but I was no longer that little, silly girl that backed off when she had a fit or acted immaturely. I was my own woman, now.

The recognition that I wasn't _scared_ of Renee or her reaction made me feel more relaxed. I knew she would need time to understand - she hadn't been here, after all, and seen what went on like Charlie had.

"Bella?!" Renee's screeching voice broke my musings, and I looked up to see Renee rushing forward towards me, and Phil lumbering behind with their luggage. I smiled hugely, having missed her a lot.

"Mom!" I hugged her tightly and Renee made a squeaking sound. Perhaps I was used to hug sturdier things? "Sorry," I chuckled.

"You look so beautiful! I am so glad the Forks didn't ruin you!" Renee hugged me tightly again and I exhaled calmly.

"Of course it wouldn't; I'm more like dad in that sense," I replied with a smile. "Hey Phil!" I hugged Phil happily.

"Bella! You're looking well. And congratulations!" For a moment I felt a twinge surprise, until I realized he was talking about graduating.

"Thanks. Come on, the car is out here." I dragged them outside to meet the Orange monster.

"What is _that_?" Renee laughed happily when she saw my car. "It's awesome!" Of course she'd find a screaming orange car that stands out to be perfect.

"I'm glad you like it," I replied. "I bought it last year. Sturdy, good miles, and a great conversation topic." We laughed as we settled into the car.

"So, how you've been? Looking forward to get away from Forks? I already _miss_ the sun… Two weeks in Forks and we'll be white as ghosts," Renee joked, laughing, and both Phil and I chuckled.

"It's not that bad," I argued.

"Come on, Bella. The people here are awful, I know _you_ know that," Renee reminded me.

"Not _all_ of them are bad," I told her. "And didn't you have friends here, too?" I tried to pull forth some of her happier memories, hoping it might make her smile.

Renee shook her head. "I miss First Beach, but that's it," Renee told me. "You must go to school with… What was her name?" Renee looked back at Phil, as if he was supposed to remember something. "Blond-haired mother and stupid father; not that she was any cleverer…"

"The Mallorys?" I ventured.

"Yes! Yes! Linda Mallory and that awful Stanley-woman… I hated them. Worst gossipers in town. Because I wasn't like them they felt the right to harass me…" Renee seemed angry at the thought for a moment. I wondered if she would be pleased to know how I had pranked Jessica and Lauren, the offspring of my mother's bullies. Better not risk it.

"Yeah well, apple doesn't fall far from the tree," I said instead.

"To think they reproduced…" Renee shook her head. "What is that?" Her tone was sudden and she leaned closer. I realized she spoke about my ring, which glittered as the sun showed itself.

"It's a ring," I replied. My heart hammered in my chest.

"It's gorgeous," Renee admired, probably not realizing it was real. From the backseat, Phil seemed disinterested. I bit my lip, hoping that wouldn't change too much.

"Yeah… It's an engagement ring. Edward proposed a few days ago…" The words were spoken with perfect ease, even a little happiness creeped into my voice.

"Are you out of your mind?!" Renee replied, shocked. She pulled away, as if the ring now repulsed her. Phil tensed in the backseat.

"You're engaged?" Phil wondered, surprised. His eyes strayed to Renee, assessing her reaction.

"Yes. We're thinking next year. Edward and I are going off to college together, and we'll be living together too-"

"Bella, you don't need to marry just because you're going to college and live together!" Renee replied, talking to me as if I was one of her kindergarten children. From the corner of my eyes, I saw her calm down, obviously thinking that it was just a little misunderstanding.

"I know," I chuckled. "I happen to love him, deeply-"

"You're 18, what do you know about love? You've never dated before!" Renee cut me off, patronizingly. Surprise colored her voice as she had realized that I was perfectly sane.

"Isn't it somewhat hypocritical considering you married Phil after a year?" I asked, trying not to sound too snide.

"I am quite a bit older than you!" Renee's voice rose as if that would make her win the argument.

"So you're saying your experience with men allowed you to realize the potential of marriage with Phil after 'just one year'?" I clarified.

"Yes!" Renee said. "My experience has taught me the do's and don'ts…"

"Not everyone screws up at first," I replied boldly. I didn't like to sound cruel, especially regarding Charlie, but I knew Renee felt she had made a mistake in marrying young. She loved me and didn't regret having me, but it was hard to feel wanted when she spoke so ill of her time with Charlie.

"I didn't screw up!" Renee defended herself, cornering herself.

"So why should I?" I replied, trying not to smirk.

"Our marriage didn't last very long; I don't want to see you trapped in an unhappy marriage." Her voice was begging now. I think I had gotten her out of her initial rage, which made it easier to talk with her.

"First of all, a short marriage doesn't equal failure, just as you don't 'win' if you've had a long marriage. What's important is that you were happy while it lasted, and when you, mom, became unhappy you left, which doesn't mean that you're a failure," I told Renee, seriously. It had suddenly occurred to me that Renee thought of it as a failure, which might explain a few things. "We're not rushing out to buy baby supplies and we're not even _thinking_ about babies. We have college ahead of us and plenty of time…"

"If you have so much time, why do you have to marry?" Renee glowered.

"Why did you marry Phil after only one year?" I sighed, glancing towards her. She crossed her arms, glaring at me.

"It's not the same, Isabella!" Renee huffed. She was angry now, but I was in my Zen. I was calm.

"That's what you feel. Please wait to pass judgement until you meet him. We're having dinner at their place tonight. I will pick you up at five," I told her.

"I am sure he's a nice _boy_ ," Renee sneered. If she only knew, I thought to myself "-but that doesn't change the fact that you plan on marrying at 18. You're not pregnant?"

"No, I'm not pregnant," I replied, wearily. "Mom, I don't really care what if you like this or not. I want you to be a part of it, I really, really do. I love you and you're my mother…" I let the sentence hang, not wanting to voice out loud what would happen if she fought me.

"This is ridiculous!" Renee muttered, coldly.

"Honey, let's just calm down for a bit. We have a few hours before Bella picks us up for dinner," Phil suggested, massaging her shoulders from his seat behind her. He glanced towards me, and I knew that he, at least, realized what had been left unsaid.

Renee muttered under her breath, still angry. I rolled my eyes to myself.

"So, how's Florida? You're doing great with the team, Phil?" My voice was happy and joyous as I tried to steer the conversation to lighter topics. We still had half an hour before we arrived at the hotel, after all. Phil, in his own wisdom, quickly launched into all kinds of stories about his team and what he was doing. It didn't really help distract Renee, who spent the rest of the time muttering under her breath. I saw her turn to me once, but changed her mind.

"I'll pick you up in a few hours." I hugged Phil. Renee resisted my hug and I sighed.

"Stop whining," I told her, seriously.

" _Excuse_ me, Isabella?" Renee asked, surprised.

"I said: Stop. Whining. I will not have your childish mood ruin my graduation or anything else. Start acting like an adult and respect me as I respected your choices." She was shocked at my words, but then again, I had never stood up to her before.

"What is the matter with you, Bella?" Renee's voice was filled with disbelief, as if it was a surprise that I would speak up for myself, or not allow her to walk over me.

"I've grown up," I told her, serious. "I won't be subjected to your hissy fits. I won't let anyone ever walk over me-"

"I've never-" Renee denied.

"I took care of the bills, I reminded you of the dry-cleaner. I cooked, I cleaned, I washed clothes, and I did our finances…" I interrupted her, and crossed my arms. "And whenever you were suddenly in the mood to try something new, I was the one to find the money in our budget, so that you could play around." My voice was hard as steel. Her eyes widened at my words. "I won't have your sour attitude ruin my last time in Forks, nor will I listen to you demean my relationship!"

"Renee…" Phil muttered quietly.

"I will pick you up at 16.00 where we stand now. If you're not here, I will take it as a sign that you don't want to be a part of my life, and if that's the case I suggest you find a cab and go back to Florida." The words hurt to say, but at the same time I felt liberated. "It was good to see you, Phil," I said, parting with them.

I drove away with dignity, but had to pull over once I was a few blocks away. I sat in my car, taking deep breaths. A knock on my window startled me.

"Oh for f-" I muttered, holding my hand to my heart. "Edward, I'm sorry, I forgot you would join me!" I opened up for the passenger side.

"I saw what happened and followed your car when you drove." Edward leaned over and kissed me. Just like that, I felt more calm and more whole. "I'm sorry about your mother…"

"It's not your fault," I said, automatically. "I think this would have happened sooner or later; I couldn't hold back when she didn't want to hug me. I felt like I just exploded!" I laughed slightly in amazement. "What was she _thinking_?" The question was rhetorical, until I looked towards Edward.

"Her mind is interesting," Edward revealed. "It's like she's the exact opposite of your father… Your father's thoughts are very calm, but hers are scattered wild about. She thinks about many things at the same time, and her thoughts seemed disjointed. When you stood up against her, she thought she couldn't recognize you…"

"Do you think she will come?"

"Alice says she will… No matter how she took it, Alice could see that Renee would stay no matter what. She loves you a lot…"

"Yeah well, she has a funny way of showing it," I replied, annoyed. Edward smiled and kissed me, effectively distracting me.

"She'll come around," Edward murmured.

"I hope she doesn't act too difficult and ruins things… I won't tolerate it for long..."

"You're so strong, but cut Renee some slack…" Edward suggested. "You only have her for a little while."

* * *

Renee opted to pretend everything was fine when I picked her and Phil up in front of their hotel. I didn't mind, and took it as a vague attempt to show that she was adjusting to the news and was supporting me in her own special way.

We reached the Cullen house and Renee got out of the car. Phil quickly put a hand on my shoulder, keeping me back. "Bella, I'm sorry about your mom." His voice was an urgent whisper.

"Don't be," I replied.

"She does support you, she just has a hard time admitting she was wrong…" Phil apologized.

"Well, perhaps she'll grow up one day." I sent him a wry smile, which he vaguely returned, and then we slipped out of the car.

"This is some house," Renee commented, seeing the house. For just the briefest of moments her eyes glanced towards my ring, probably realizing that it was entirely genuine.

"It is," I agreed.

"Bella!" Esme and Carlisle slipped out of the house. "And you must be Mr. and Mrs. Dwyer!" Esme smiled radiantly, and I noted both Renee and Phil seemed dazzled.

"I-" Renee mumbled.

"We're very happy to finally meet you!" Carlisle shook hands with them both, and Esme eagerly hugged Renee. I bit my lip, trying not so laugh at Phil's expression. Was this how I looked when Edward dazzled me?

"We're very happy to meet you, too," Renee finally managed to say. Carlisle and Esme pulled Renee and Phil inside.

It was a well-orchestrated event. Just like they had with Charlie, Carlisle and Esme showed how compassionate and level-headed they were. They praised me, they praised Charlie and Renee for their parenting, clearly stroking Renee's ego. All the _kids_ were introduced, and, just like with Charlie, Phil was distracted by Emmett and Jasper, who were both sports fanatics, while Alice and Esme admitted that they would be planning the wedding, but might need help.

The outrageous ideas they came up with distracted Renee flawlessly, and by the time Charlie arrived, Renee was laughing and enjoying herself, clearly pleased with the family I was planning to marry into.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Renee told me, meeting me on my way back from the bathroom.

"Mom?" I wondered, curious.

"I was wrong. These people seem so nice, and you _are_ a level headed young woman… I don't want to miss a thing. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did." Her apology surprised me – she was more into ignoring things and let it slide into the sand. Her apology touched me.

"Thanks, mom." We hugged, and I realized how much it meant to me that she was on board. I didn't have much time left with her, and it had been frightening to think that I would lose her on bad terms.

* * *

 **The main event is ahead of us. Soon. ;)**

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	24. Excitement

**Thank you so much for your reviews.**

* * *

 **Chapter 24 - Excitement**

"Jacob!" I hadn't seen Jacob in a long time, so when I ran into him at the supermarket I waved wildly. Jacob stopped and waited for me to catch up with him.

"Hey Bella." Jacob greeted me with a hug.

"What's up?" I asked, interested. Someone whistled and I saw one of Jacob's pack members waving at Jacob near their car. Jacob gestured he'd be a minute.

"I should ask _you_ what's up. You're graduating soon…" Jacob didn't look too happy, though.

"Is Billy very upset?" I wondered, attributing Jacob's unhappiness to Billy's unease. I hadn't seen Billy for a while; it seemed he was avoiding me _and_ Charlie. That alone frustrated me.

"I think that's an understatement…" Jacob admitted, scratching his chin. "Listen, Bella. This sucks, but we're told not to talk to you. To me, it seems you've made your choice, but the council can't get over it…" Jacob ruffled his hair, uncomfortable. I exhaled, pained.

"Seriously?" I raised an eyebrow. The council had shown themselves to be utter morons, so I wasn't too surprised. "Does this extend to Charlie?"

"From what I know, things will get better when you've gone…" Jacob trailed off, uncomfortable. "They want our dealings with you limited; they think our judgement will be clouded if we're too close…"

I laughed, mockingly. "It seems like it's _their_ judgement which is clouded…" I replied, crossing my arms. "So, they realized they can't sway me, so now they'll just ignore me?"

"Yeah, well," Jacob shrugged. "I get where they're coming from. Both Sam and I can see the benefits of having a good relationship with you and the _them,_ " Jacob shrugged again. "But we got to take care of our own, and this is unchartered territory…"

"Unchartered territory!" I laughed coldly. "Ephraim Black understood the benefit of making a deal with vampires; _he_ understood that there are different kinds of vampires… They're afraid because they don't _know_ , and they won't _know_ because they don't want to take a chance. It's easier just to be bigoted!" I was beginning to get angry.

"Yeah, well, this is how it is. I'm sorry… I wish we could be friends, but…"

"So you're just giving up? We can't be friends anymore?" I stared at Jacob, disappointed.

"What do you want from me? In a few months, you're going to be one of _them_ … I'm really trying to get it, a part of me does get it, but you're still willing to turn into my natural enemy. Vampires smell so incredibly bad; it's a natural dislike on a very deep level. Did you really think we would hang out afterwards?" Jacob's voice was reasonable and calm. I stared at him, not having considered things that far, but having my own defense ready nonetheless – though mine was far more practical.

I sighed. "Jacob, I know we're more like acquaintances than actual friends," I acknowledged. Jacob nodded vaguely. "I had hoped that our friendship could set precedent for future dealings between the wolves and vampires. You and I could function as a cover; a cover to show that not all vampires are inherently bad, and that inter-species corporation can exist. If you and I can stay friends through this, even if just pretend friends, the future generations of the wolf pack could greatly benefit, just like we could benefit from knowing you…"

"It's not my call…" Jacob insisted.

"If you leave it up to the council, you know what the answer will be. Can you really stand by and let some old men's poor judgement affect the rest of the pack?" Jacob didn't answer, and I sighed. "Listen, Jacob. I have to go… Think about it…"

I doubted I would succeed in this, but on the plus side I supposed Alice's vision must be clear without any chance of the wolves joining us in the future. Or perhaps they were right; perhaps it was _I_ who did something to her vision.

* * *

My conversation with Jacob annoyed me. The tribe was cutting all contact to me, but also to Charlie. I hadn't seen or heard from Billy in a while, nor had Charlie. Charlie, currently, wasn't too affected, since he was occupied by me, Renee, and the Cullens. Jacob indicated that Charlie's isolation would be of short duration, probably only until I was gone. Still, to treat a friend like that was despicable, and were in not because I counted on Harry and Billy to take care of Charlie when I was gone, I probably would've marched down there and given them a piece of my mind.

"You did your best," Edward said, when I told him of my run-in with Jacob.

"Yeah, well," I replied, vaguely. "At least we can't blame Alice's vision issues on the wolves. I doubt they would come to the wedding, even if we invited them…" I said.

"I still think we should invite Jacob and Sam, just to be polite. I doubt they'll accept, but I think you were right: being polite could be good for our future…"

* * *

Having Renee and Phil in Forks had been great. I loved that Renee got to know the Cullens, and I loved that she and Esme got on so well. However, I was relieved when graduation came around. Being around so many people all the time was hard, and Renee was always a handful.

"3-2-1…" Edward counted down. I stared towards the entrance where Lauren and Jessica entered with their parents. Both Lauren and Jessica were smiling widely, but I noted that their hair was utterly white. Not just platinum, but white. It was clear they had done something drastic to remove the color Rosalie and Alice had added to their shampoo last night. Sure, the color was gone, but the new results looked far from pretty.

"And Julie," Edward added. She had apparently not talked to her two friends, who rushed to her side upon seeing the orange color of Julie's hair. They had a heated conversation and glared around the room.

"Wow, what the hell did they do to their hair to get the color out?" I glanced at Edward.

"Bleach. It completely ruin the hair…" Edward chuckled, not feeling sorry for the girls.

"They've spotted us…" Alice said, sliding up next to us. "They brought detergent to smear the floor when you walk up there."

"That's crazy," I replied. "I could break my legs… Or someone else could…"

Alice shook her head and winked at me. "Emmett is exchanging it with water. You're wearing sneakers, you _should_ be fine - even if it's just water."

Our conversation was cut off as we were asked to take our seats. Alice and Edward, being Cullens, headed towards the front of the line with the rest of the Cs, and I headed to the S-line.

"Awww, Bella!" Jessica simpered, as I sat down behind her. "We're finally graduating! Aren't you excited?" Her smile was fake, just as her words.

Knowing she was planning on pranking me, I felt less inclined to reply politely. "What happened to your hair? It looks god-awful…" Her panicked expression distracted me from my nerves, and I observed as Jessica found a mirror in her small handbag and tried, in vain, to make her hair look better. My feet touched something, and I briefly looked down and saw a small flask of detergent. Emmett had replaced Julie's with one with water, and given me the real one.

I glanced towards Emmett, who sat in the family-section, and he waved at me, grinning. I bit my lip, not sure if I wanted to do this – they could break a leg.

"Bella!" Alice called, as the room quieted. My eyes swirled towards her and she had her thumbs up. Okay, so if Alice was fine with it, surely Jessica wouldn't break her legs.

The proceedings started with Principal Greene welcoming the families and giving a small talk. The valedictorian, which was Julie, followed the principal with a passionate speech about the friendships we'd forged in high school, and the future. I almost felt like vomiting. The pretentiousness was overwhelming.

I was _so_ glad to know that Edward and I would be travelling, rather than attend college. More years of this crap would've been painful.

There were clapping and cheering, and the principal finally got to the name calling. Whatever feelings I had about not pranking Jessica disappeared when I saw my tormentors on stage, smirking and laughing happily. I felt so angry at what they had put me through. I should probably be better, but knowing they had planned the exact same thing towards me only made me more determined. I pretended to tie my shoe, and then I sprayed detergent next to Jessica, which meant she'd step in it when her name was called.

My heart pounded in my chest, and I glanced towards Alice. "Alice," I whispered very quietly, hoping she heard. She turned for just a second and winked at me.

"Cullen, Alice!" I cheered happily as Alice gracefully danced towards the podium. The rest of the Cullen family cheered loudly, making a ruckus. I loved it; It seemed so _real_.

"Cullen, Edward!" The principal called and Edward stood. I cheered loudly again, but noticed that Jessica cheered a little too eagerly, as well. Others followed, but I didn't care much. I kept a close eye of Lauren, but no pranks happened, which almost disappointed me.

"Stanley, Jessica!" Principal Greene called and Jessica stood. Jessica stepped in the detergent and skated around for a few seconds, flailing for just a second in order to regain her balance. People chuckled, but she managed not to fall. I didn't see her expression, but as she walked towards the podium she was far more careful. She received her diploma, and tried to smile at the cameras, but at the same time she was glaring towards me. Obviously, she knew who had pranked her. I gave her a small, mocking wave.

"Swan, Bella!" Principal Greene called. I stood to loud cheers from the Cullens, who seemed to outdo themselves with the noise. I grinned, unable to avoid smiling. I deliberately stepped in the small puddle Julie had put in my way, but it was just water and I didn't slip. As I looked towards the crowd from the podium, I deliberately winked at Julie, who obviously realized that _something_ was going on.

I received my diploma under loud cheers, most of it from the Cullens. I could see Charlie and Renee clapping eagerly, and smiling proudly at me. When I got down from the podium, Edward and Alice hugged me tightly. We stood to the side, with the other graduates, until the entire proceedings were over.

"Bella." Edward nudged me and I glanced up at him. "Angela." I turned and saw a timid girl near me.

"Um, Bella?" Angela said, as she approached me. She looked uncomfortable. Angela, the preacher's daughter. She was an inactive bully, someone who watched and didn't do anything. Someone who just kept her head down. I disliked her almost as much as the Three Bitches.

"What is it?" I raised an eyebrow. Angela seemed to shrink a bit under my stare.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry…" Angela apologized, weakly. "I should've said something; I should've been better. My father would be disappointed in my if he knew how much I had failed him…" Her tone was miserable, humiliated. I softened just a bit, but only because she seemed truly genuine in her apology.

I inhaled and exhaled slowly, considering my words. "I'm strong enough to accept that you've learned your lesson on _my_ behalf. I mean, better mine than someone who ends up committing suicide, right?" Angela looked horrified at the idea that she could've caused someone to kill themselves.

"Y-yeah," Angela whispered. In the spirit of the moment, I leaned over and hugged her. She hugged me back in surprise. "Thanks, Bella… It means a lot that you forgive me."

"Don't worry about it, Angela," I told her. When I turned around, Lauren and Jessica had trapped Edward.

"So Edward, what are your plans now?" Jessica wondered, twisting her hair flirtatiously with a finger. She glared towards me for a second, but I just smirked at her.

"Bella and I will be going to college together. We plan on marrying next year." His smile threw the two girls off and they stared at us in shock. I stepped closer, smiling at them winningly.

"Jessica, the floor sure was slippery. You almost fell and broke your leg." I conjured the fakest smile I could. I felt strangely giddy. My stomach was tingling.

"Well, I _didn't_!" Jessica's reply was short, but angry.

"And _what_ a pity!" I laughed at her expression and Edward quickly steered me away.

"Jasper," Edward murmured, explaining the giddiness I had felt. The proceedings were over and the families converged on the newly graduates.

"I don't think I would've needed your help, Jasper." I greeted my almost-brother and he shrugged in reply.

"Better safe than sorry," Jasper laughed and hugged me. "Congratulations." A second later, the rest of our families joined us and Charlie and Renee hugged me tightly.

"Congratulations, honey!" They looked so proud of me, and I was glad to be able to share this special moment with them.

Esme and Carlisle told us that food was ready at their home, and together we all left the school and drove towards the Cullen house. I still had no idea how the Cullens managed to look like they actually ate, but they did it so well that the atmosphere was homey, nice, and joyous. It felt like one big family, and even Emmett and Jasper fought over some of the food. I guess the intent was to make Charlie, Renee and Phil calm down and feel normal, but I felt very affected as well. I don't think I had ever felt this good and this whole.

Barely a week later, Renee and Phil said their goodbye. We celebrated their last evening with another glorious meal, and this time I knew what happened with the food. Edward told me that all the food was hidden away, and would be distributed throughout the forest for whatever animals might stumble upon it. It was probably Esme who had insisted on it, perhaps even Carlisle. I had initially the observed that the Cullens seemed to forget the importance of human moments, be it eating, bathroom, or sleep. Sometimes, I wondered if Edward was even aware that famine existed in the world.

With school being done and over, I now had an exceptionally lot of time on my hands. We would move to Alaska in July, and Charlie would help me pack and fly with me, while Edward drove with his family. I could've driven with them, but Charlie wanted to see the house in Alaska, and I wanted to show him around campus while it was vacation, so that there would be minimum of people. Until then, I Edward and I would plan our vacation.

I tried to ensure that I spent as much time with Charlie, so I planned with Edward when Charlie was at work.

"Well, let's stick with the cold or vacated areas in the summer," Edward suggested. He told me about the places we could visit that would be devoid of humans, and in the evenings he told about places we could go, that wouldn't expose him. It was made a lot easier, since we would have contact with Alice, who promised to keep an eye on the weather. All in all, I was excited to see the world.

We planned to come back every holiday, and ensure that Renee and Phil could join us as well as Charlie.

* * *

"How will I manage to keep up with donating blood?" I asked Carlisle, not liking the thought of not donating for the entire journey.

"I thought about it," Carlisle said as he taped a bit of cotton to where the needle had penetrated my skin. "I've reminded Edward that you need to experience the sun as well, and he agrees that you should experience the sightings in sunlight, so I am sure he won't mind if you come up with an excuse to leave him for a few hours. I will forge a medical card for you that will allow you to be tapped at any hospital - they will send the blood to me. If I need it, I will include Alice in the planning process." I smiled, relieved that Carlisle had everything under control.

"Thanks!" I told him, grateful.

* * *

"Anxious?" I teased Charlie.

"Been awhile since I've flown…" Charlie admitted, gripping the armrest as the airplane took off from the ground. I grasped his hand and smiled at him.

"I've heard that the chance of dying in road traffic is 1 in 100, while airplane accidents are, like, 1 in 10.000 or something," I told him, trying to soothe him.

"Yeah, well… We might be that 1 in 10.000," Charlie replied, uncomfortable. I chuckled, amused by his uneasiness. I was so used to Charlie being calm and collected. I had never flown with him before; I had either flown _to him_ , or he had flown to _me_.

Eventually, he calmed down and we managed to have a nice flight. Esme and Edward picked us up at the airport, and together we drove to the new home.

"You guys don't hold back," Charlie commented, upon seeing the new house. As with the house in Forks, this house was huge. Esme launched into some story about it, and I observed my future house as well. It was likely that Edward and I would stay here once our vacation was over, and once I was changed.

The inside of the house was just as amazing as the outside. Esme showed us around. I noticed that their kitchen and dining room was connected, and it seemed far more homey than the house in Forks. This looked as if it was going to be used; it looked believable. I was touched by the gesture. Edward seemed to notice my mood and squeezed my hand. I smiled up at him, happy.

"Of course, Emmett and Rosalie are off to college as well. Unfortunately, they're across the state, so we won't see them often." Esme sounded so sad of the thought of missing Rosalie and Emmett. I knew they weren't going to attend college, but were working on trying to desensitize themselves, so that Rosalie could work with children. That, and going on a small vacation as well. We talked about meeting up with them somewhere in Europe, perhaps.

"They're coming back in the holidays?" Charlie wondered.

"Oh yes," Esme said, relieved. "We expect you to join us as well!" Esme added, sternly.

"Yes, we plan on having Thanksgiving here," I added. "Mom and Phil will join us as well. Please say you'll come," I asked of him.

"We'll see," Charlie replied. I decided not to press it. Alice had already seen that both of my parents and Phil would join us.

The house was still in a state of arrival, with boxes everywhere. Obviously, Charlie would find it weird if everything was unpacked a day after arrival. I showed him my room, and together with Edward, we moved my sparse belongings into my rooms.

"I think you will miss your old bathroom," Charlie said, observing my new bathroom. I suddenly worried my vampire family had forgotten about my human needs, so I hurried past him to see it. "Ha-ha, you should've seen your face," Charlie laughed, amused. The bathroom was huge, easily at the size of my old room. There was a huge tub as well as a shower cabin. It looked luxurious and I was already pining to try the tub… Or was it a Jacuzzi? I was getting more excited.

"Wow…" I replied.

"You're sharing with Alice and Rosalie. Probably good that the bathroom is huge," Charlie joked. I grinned at him.

"Emmett, Jasper, and I have our rooms downstairs," Edward said. "Carlisle and Esme have theirs at the end of the hall."

We spent dinner in town, just Charlie and I. I said I wanted some alone time with him, feeling somewhat guilty that the Cullens had to pretend so much for me. Charlie was staying until tomorrow, so the Cullens would also have to pretend to go to sleep, eat breakfast and all the other human things. I was amazed that they bothered, but knowing them, I knew now that they reveled in feeling _normal_.

The following day, I showed Charlie around Campus. It was far more believable _now_ than if I had done it later, since I had no idea where most things were. We toured the grounds together, talking about my fictive upcoming classes and enjoying each other's company. We ate lunch in a café on campus, and I _almost_ wished I was actually going to attend college - just because the atmosphere seemed so wonderful. I would have plenty of time to attend college later, though.

"It feels like yesterday you were born." Charlie shook his head in obvious amazement. "And now you're off to college…"

"I'm excited," I admitted. "Carlisle got me a job at the hospital."

"I thought you received grant money?"

"I did," I assured him. "Quite a bit," I added for his benefit. "But I'd like to get the experience - and the pay is great." I added. "I'm still undecided on which direction to go it…"

"Just remember to focus on your studies… If you need anything, call me!" Charlie asked me. I smiled, happy at his thoughtfulness.

"Even if it's wedding related?" I winked at him.

"Well, if it's about money..." Charlie trailed off.

"Oh, so no lace?" I grinned at him.

"No lace!" We laughed together.

* * *

Due to it being somewhat sunny, I drove Charlie to the airport alone. I hugged him tightly.

"Aww, Bells. Don't cry, you're making _me_ cry," Charlie whispered, holding me close to him.

"I'll miss you!" I whispered, hoarsely. I tried to hold back so that I wouldn't break down in front of him.

"I'm just a phone-call away. And with my fancy new phone, you can reach me anywhere!" Charlie assured me, trying to ease my sadness.

"Thanks, dad…" I sniffled. It felt as if it was the last time I would see him and it frightened me. "I love you, you know that?" I searched for confirmation in his eyes, and saw the crinkles around his eyes soften.

"I love _you,_ Bells!" Charlie hugged me again, tightly.

"Have fun on the plane. If you're scared, ask the stewardess to hold your hand," I chuckled, tearfully. Charlie gave me a wry smile, and then I was alone.

I went to the small café and got a soda and a cookie, just like Alice had suggested when I had waited for Renee to arrive in Seattle. It didn't help much this time around. I was very aware how far away both of my parents were from me, and how little time I had left.

I sat for a while in the airport, staring at the sea of humans and feeling less and less connected. Finally, I managed to drag myself from my seat and go to my car. To my pleasant surprise, Edward was waiting inside. The windows were toned, since it was Carlisle's car, so he was safely hidden from the sun.

"You're here," I said, my voice tired, but pleased.

"I didn't want you to be alone," Edward admitted. A few tears trickled down my cheek and I buried myself in his embrace.

"It's so strange," I whispered. "It's so _real_ … Does that make sense?" I didn't receive a reply, probably because Edward didn't know what to say. "I'm glad you're here. Thanks." We kissed briefly and I sighed.

"Let's go home," Edward suggested, and I started up the car.

"How come we're not closer to the Denali National park?" I wondered, as we left the airport. Our house was located in Anchorage, around 10 miles from the airport, and close to the water, but in the opposite direction of the park. I had initially thought we'd live closer to the Denali siblings.

"We prefer to spread out," Edward explained. I nodded in understanding. I couldn't imagine the thoughts people might have if they saw a huge family of utter gorgeous people. "It would attract too much attention otherwise. This also allows us to spread out our hunting grounds. The Denali are hunting north, and we're keeping to south to south-east…"

"Oh," I replied, not having considered their hunting grounds. "How's the game?" I wondered, curious. Edward chuckled in response

"It's very diverse. There are loads of bears, moose, and caribou..." He seemed to enjoy telling me, which made me happy and included.

"No mountain lion?" I teased.

"A few, but they're too rare here for us to hunt them." Edward sounded almost sad. "Sometimes, we go on extended trips, and we're not that far from Washington, which have a larger population of them…"

"Are you going to hunt seals or penguins when we visit Greenland?" I teased him. Edward laughed, feeling at ease with the conversation.

"I'll figure something out," Edward chuckled. A part of me really wanted to see him hunt, but I knew that wouldn't happen until I became a vampire myself.

"Happy hunting, then." I chuckled. "Does the Denali clan know we're here?"

"Of course," Edward said, surprised. "They're visiting us in a few days," Edward revealed. "They're excited to meet you." Edward chuckled at my momentary worried expression.

"Really?" My voice almost quivered as I spoke.

"Let me guess," Edward replied, amused. " _You're worried they won't like you_?" I snorted and rolled my eyes at him. I had been worried about this when I had been about to meet the Cullens officially.

"Ha-ha," I replied, mockingly.

"I'm sure they'll love you," Edward assured me.

"They better. Otherwise, I might do my crazy karate moves on them… Tell them to fear me!" I promised Edward with a mockingly vengeful voice, and he laughed in response.

"You're such a dangerous kitten, _aren't you_!" Edward cooed at me. "Who's a good little kitten?" He tried to keep back laughter, and I swatted him.

"Careful, or you'll find out just how sharp claws this kitten got!" I warned him. I laughed, unable to hold it in.

* * *

By the time Edward and I arrived back, everything had been unpacked. I was pretty sure that everything had been unpacked ten minutes after I left with Charlie. Out of all the rooms, my room still seemed bare and boring. I had very few belongings, mainly book and pictures.

Edward helped me frame the pictures and put them on the wall - they were mostly of Charlie, Renee and Phil, but I had, by now, quite a bit of the Cullens as well. All in all, my room liked sparse, but personal.

"You can always find souvenirs where we travel and send them home. I think that would add a very emotional and human touch; perhaps it will remind you of your human life once you've Changed…" Edward's suggestion had merit, and I promised myself that I would try to find some interesting things to fill out the room.

"To think, in 1 year we will be married…" I sighed contentedly at the idea. "Which room will be live in, then?" Edward looked ridiculously happy at the notion of officially sharing a room with me.

"We'll rearrange later. And who knows, we might even want to live by ourselves for a while – once you've gotten over your newborn phase, that is," Edward told me. I hadn't considered that possibility. "For Charlie's sake, we said that the girls sleep upstairs and boys sleep downstairs, but Rosalie will take over my room and Jasper's room. We'll get Rosalie's room and tear down the wall between yours and hers.

"But, then Jasper will only join Alice in her room? Do they have enough room?"

"You didn't see Alice's room when you showed Charlie around?" Edward sounded surprised and I shook my head. I hadn't entered any bedrooms other than Edward's and my own. "Follow me." Edward pulled my hand and we went out into the hallway. Alice's door was already open, and Edward pulled me inside.

"You're here to be traumatized, Bella?" Alice chuckled. "I heard you talk. You don't really think that I would subject Jasper to an itsy bitsy cupboard, would you?" I had my doubts that it was due to Jasper that Alice wanted a larger room.

" _This_ is not a cupboard," I replied, eyeing the huge room. It was bigger than what Edward and I would eventually have when Rosalie's old room was added.

"Oh please, it's _nothing_ ," Alice opened the double doors in the back of the room, which I had assumed was a closet. Now, though, I wasn't so sure. We slipped inside and I felt like I had entered Narnia through her closet.

"Wow…" The room was over twice as big as the first room, and I realized now she had taken over the rooms above the garage. It was already fully furnished in an eccentric style that simply _screamed_ Alice and Jasper – it was strange to see, since their styles were so different.

"You like it?" Alice bounced eagerly on the spot. "I plan to use some of it as a studio for the wedding…" In one part of the huge room, I could see different sorts of textiles - it seemed Alice might be creating something. I also saw huge bookcases, with plenty of books, which I attributed to Jasper.

"Hang on," I said. "Did Rosalie really give up _this_ much space?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You haven't _really_ seen Emmett's room, have you?" Alice laughed at me, and I raised an eyebrow.

"What? Where the hell do you get the space from? I mean, I get _this_ : it's above the garage, but Emmett's? Do you happen to be able to bend time and space to create a new dimension?" Edward and Alice laughed at me.

"Well, for starters, _that's_ not the garage," Alice pointed out. "That's part of Rosalie and Emmett's room, like mine and Jasper's. The garage is at the other side of the house…"

"Oh…" Hadn't I paid attention at all?

"You didn't walk around the house outside, did you? I think, had you gone around the back of the house, you'd see how huge it really is," Edward said. I peered out of a window and then shrugged.

"I think I'll go back to my own room. I feel like I'd get lost in all this space…" I waved at Alice and pulled Edward with me. We greeted Jasper on our way out.

"I can't imagine what they need all that room for… I mean, Alice said she wanted to use it as a studio, but what is Rosalie's excuse?"

"They take up a lot of space," Edward shrugged.

* * *

"You must be Bella!" Kate greeted me eagerly, and I tried not to blush at the attention I received. Of course, I could not control my beating heart, and everyone easily heard it. Their smiles widened.

"Don't worry, we won't bite," Tanya assured me, winking at me.

"She's not worried about that," Edward replied, amused. Tanya quirked an eyebrow, but Edward didn't elaborate.

"It's so nice to meet you." I shook their hands and noted that each of the three sisters' handshake were surprisingly sturdy and natural. Edward had told me that they liked human men, so I assumed they were used to managing their strength.

"We've been so curious since we were told Edward had found his mate!" Irina smiled happily at me. "Please, allow me to introduce Laurent." Irina introduced me to a dark-skinned vampire. There was something European about him, and in some ways he looked even more graceful than Alice. He nodded towards me kindly, but did not move to greet me.

"Sorry about Laurent; he's our newest," Kate explained, as Laurent sent me a small smile.

"Oh, that's okay," I assured them, sending Laurent a slight smile. His eyes darted around the family quickly, and then he pulled Irina away.

"Irina might join us later." Kate sounded apologetic, but I waved her off.

"Don't worry about it," I assured her.

"This is Carmen and Eleazar." Tanya introduced two vampires, who had slightly darker skin, though not as dark as Laurent's.

"So good to finally meet you, Bella!" To my surprise, Carmen had a slight accent. "I'm from Spain originally - we both are," Carmen explained, seeing my surprise. She hugged me gingerly, clearly showing that she had no problems with my human-ness.

"We love Spain deeply and opted to keep our accents." Eleazar shook my hand in greeting, but his eyes seemed measured and curious. "You are right, Carlisle. She is definitely a shield…" I turned my head to Carlisle, confused.

"Eleazar's gift is being able to sense what others are - what their gifts are," Carlisle explained, smiling.

"So it _is_ a gift?" I wondered. I wasn't sure if there had ever been any doubt, but it was nice to have it confirmed.

"Well, I can't be certain, since I cannot get a read from you," Eleazar chuckled and I smiled in response. "It's very curious; I've only met two others who were gifted as a human, or rather, where it was so obvious…" At my inquiring glance, Eleazar elaborated. "Jane and Alec of the Volturi guard."

"Ahh yes, of course," Carlisle replied in recognition. "I believe our Alice was gifted as well," Carlisle gestured to Alice, who nodded.

"Oh yes! I heard you've found out more about your past. I am so happy for you!" Carmen was by Alice's side in an instant, holding her hands to show Alice her support. As with Esme, there was something very motherly about Carmen. Alice told about her findings, dragging Carmen with her to the couch area. Eleazar followed easily, and slowly the room dispersed.

* * *

In the few days that they visited, I got to know the Denali clan much better – all except Laurent, who wasn't comfortable near me. They were all curious about me, and I was curious about them. Kate, who had the gift of shocking other beings, had tried to shock me, but to no avail. Curious, Eleazar tried to teach me to extend my shield, but after I became dizzy we decided to quit trying.

As July ended, Edward and I readied ourselves for our adventure. It was fun to go to the airport wearing huge backpacks. Of course, Edward had no trouble with his, but I looked ridiculously funny with it, and I had trouble standing. I had insisted on using backpacks to complete the vision of traveling the world. Of course, it was slightly ruined when we took our seats in first class on the plane.

"So, we have a few hours before we land in Canada," I said. "Teach me the Cullen ways." I fluttered my eyelashes at him, making him raise an eyebrow.

"Cullen ways?" Edward wondered, amused.

"Yeah, well…" I said, shrugging. "Since I'm using your money, unabashedly I might add, I should get to know the Cullen ways… You know, stocks, finances, and whatnot."

Edward snorted, amused. "I don't think I can teach you about stocks and finances before we land…"

"Now we know what we'll do on all future flights!" I grinned at Edward.

"To be honest, I don't know that much about the finances… Alice is the expert there…"

"So she just uses her powers?" That seemed a bit boring.

"Both she and Jasper know a lot about economy and finance. Her gift is subtle on the stock-market, since so much can change really fast, so it's a great mix between using her intellect and her gift," Edward told me. "I can tell you a bit on how the family's personal economy…"

"And your forgery!" I insisted, grinning. "I want to know how you manage to stay young in the system!"

"Ahh, we don't make our own papers. We have a guy for that," Edward admitted. I raised an eyebrow. "It's complicated, and usually Jasper deals with it." Edward launched into a tale that didn't seem as interesting as I thought it would, but I tried to take an active interest. I truly felt that if I spent their money, at least I could try to get to know how they did things.

* * *

 **Feed a starving writer :)**


	25. Travelling

**Stuff is happening ;)**

Thank you so much for all your reviews! They truly make my day when I see them!

 **PENGUINS, GREENLAND: I have been made aware that there are no penguins in Greenland, but I have written the chapter and I won't edit for a while. So please, ignore this point and let's pretend that there are totally penguins in Greenland.**

* * *

 **Chapter 25 - Travelling**

Travelling with Edward was amazing. He knew exactly where to go and what to see. Most of the places he had already been to, but he made it known I made it a different experience for him.

If there was something he didn't know, he had prepared and planned it from home, so he ensured we didn't miss a thing.

I loved seeing this side of him, because he was beyond eager, which made _me_ beyond happy. He seemed so relaxed now, and he seemed to want to share all the experiences with me – it seemed as if he truly reveled in experiencing these things with me! It made my knees soft to feel that much love from him.

Our large backpacks were stuffed with essentials we might need, of course. One of the things was a small, homemade computer. Homemade, because I needed to save space and because Jasper apparently insisted that small computers were the worst, so he tuned, or did his magic, on a small one to make it more powerful.

My computer was used devotedly to write with Charlie and Renee. Sadly, I couldn't tell them the truth of what I was _really_ doing, so I made up vague stories, and instead talked about Edward and myself, and memories of the past. I loved asking and hearing about both of my parents' lives, and I learned a lot more from them through e-mail.

It was strange, but over the e-mails I got a completely different relationship with both of them. Topics were mentioned that weren't normally accessible, such as sex. Renee had hinted about wanting to discuss sex, and I ended up straight out asking her for guidance. There were several reasons for this, but the two most prominent reasons were that I wanted Renee to feel useful in my life. She hadn't had that chance often, and so this was an area where she could guide me. The other prominent reason was that I needed to know. Edward and I would eventually have sex, and I had absolutely no idea how to go about it. In fact, the aspect made me so excited, that I felt scared.

We travelled quickly through Canada, taking a beautiful scenic route by train. We were there for almost two weeks, after which we travelled with airplane to Nuuk, Greenland. I was excited to experience Greenland, and it fitted perfectly into our program that it was summer, since Edward took me to the deserted plains of Greenland. There was ice everywhere, but the sun made it bearable for me, as it warmed me up.

"Today you're going sledding," Edward informed me, amused by my excited expression.

"You can't come." My face fell a bit.

"Well, they can sort of sense that I'm…"

"- More likely to eat them?" I supplied, laughing. He smiled at me and shook his head in amusement.

While I would've loved to have Edward with me, I knew that it wouldn't work with him and the dogs. I enjoyed the trip alone; I enjoyed the view, but knew that the next time I came here, I would be riding on Edward's back.

True to my assumption, a few days later our stay in Nuuk concluded. There wasn't much to see, and Edward wanted to show me the vastness of the Greenland desert of ice. He held me securely on his back, and then we travelled over the ice, to places where humans rarely ventured.

"Perhaps we should consider investing in a saddle?" I laughed as we ran.

Edward turned his head slightly and winked at me. "Perhaps," he agreed. He barked out a laugh, sending me into a fit of giggles.

It was a truly fascinating experience, and Edward had prepared himself beforehand and knew where to camp. He made igloos and set up the camp within minutes. While I might've thought it would get cold, we were packed so well that I stayed warm through it all. When we stayed put it was actually quite warm in the summer sun. We saw seals and polar bears, and loads of penguins. I tried to get the penguins attention, and they would come quite close - until they spotted Edward, who ended up hiding in the igloo so that I could take pictures. After a while, though, some were okay with Edward nearby. Edward said that penguins weren't that edible, since they were so small. They were like critters of the ice.

"See, even the penguins think you're lovable," I commented. Edward seemed amused, but also very fascinated. I gathered he very rarely got the opportunity to be near animals he didn't plan on eating, or which didn't try to run from him.

"Lovable," Edward shook his head. "There's not much in them, so it would be a waste."

"How come we've never recycled?" I wondered, thoughtfully. "I mean, you drink the animals try, and I eat the meat…" Edward snorted, amused by the idea.

"We can do that when we get home," Edward suggested.

"I like veal…"

The ice cap was a wonderful place to be, and it was breathtaking to go places that I knew very few had ventured. We got close to polar bears, that tried to chase us until they, on some animalistic level, recognized Edward as much higher on the food chain. It was exhilarating to experience being chased, until they got too close and quickly scurried off. The seals were impossible to get close to, since their senses were sharpened to notice polar bears, so seeing Edward sent them into a frenzy. In such cases, Edward let me walk a bit closer alone, and then he kept an eye on me to keep me safe. Without him, I got some amazing pictures of the seals. It was also very humbling to realize how non-dangerous such beasts found me, and also very frightening.

We followed the Sirius Expedition's track, and Edward told me the history of it. We neared the end-point Daneborg, but ventured no further, since Edward said that there were always humans guarding the place, and ensuring that the sovereignty was enforced by the Danish government. I could see tiny dots ahead, and I knew it was best that we moved onwards.

"You know, I love being here with you alone. If I wanted to avoid the people's mental voices, I would usually have to hide away – alone…" Edward told me one evening as I readied for bed.

"I hadn't considered how this is for you," I admitted, thoughtfully. "I'm glad." I moved to him and straddled him, kissing his throat gently. He made a purring sound, making my heart speed up and my loins tighten. I continued kissing his ears and throat, and I nibbled gently; gently, because it was still hard as rock.

I sighed, contentedly, knowing we had reached our limits of how far we could push things. I wanted to do more, and I could _feel_ that he wanted to do more, but it wasn't safe.

"You're testing my strength." Edward's eyes seemed much darker and he breathed in deeply, calming himself.

" _Your_ strength…" I replied, chuckling. I pulled him down with me, hugging him as I let myself fall asleep.

From Greenland, we ventured to Iceland. That, too, was a breathtakingly beautiful island to visit, though much smaller. We spent the majority away from humans, and only ventured into Reykjavik in the evenings to sleep at a hotel. We rented a car with toned windows, and drove from sightseeing to sightseeing. When the car couldn't get close enough, we parked it and Edward would carry me the rest of the way. This was how we got close to the few volcanoes, which, unfortunately, weren't active enough for me to see lava or magma, which I came to realize that I really wanted to see. Of course, Edward had a healthy dislike for the volcanoes, and was very careful when we went close. I think he wasn't interested in finding out if lava could break through his skin and destroy him. I wasn't either.

Every evening in Reykjavik, we went to the local community pools, which consisted of lots of hot springs. Edward enjoyed this a lot, and our skin temperature was the same for quite a while after. We usually ended up with some steamy make-out sessions, which tested our endurance.

"I can't wait for you to be a vampire," Edward groaned. I tried to keep my eyes away from his almost naked body and the obvious bulge in his pants.

"I- I agree," I whispered, feeling somewhat dazed. I wanted him so much that it almost hurt. It felt enormously frustrating for both of us. I wished there was something we could do, but I knew that it likely wasn't safe, even if I did all the work. Not only that, but Edward still had his beliefs about marriage, which, by now, seemed to have weakened just a bit, as he had touched my breasts a few times now, and had only retracted his delightful fingers because he feared he wouldn't be able to focus, and as such end up hurting me. I felt very conflicted regarding this. On one side, I wanted to support him and help him keep his belief safe, but on the other hand, I wanted him _so_ much, that it was difficult to think.

We both breathed out, pained by the need to fulfil our needs, and the we laughed, dissipating the sexual atmosphere.

Despite how much I wanted Edward, I _did_ enjoy being with him without sex. I loved our endless discussions, and how he made me laugh. In the deserted plains on our trip, talks we hadn't had before seemed to lie before us, and we spoke at lengths about sex and what our assumptions were. Slowly, the talks became more about what our fantasies involved, and what we wanted to do to each other. This, of course, always left us in a horrid sexually frustrated state, as our conversations were _just_ conversations, but we were so sexually charged that it was difficult to think straight.

It helped to talk about it, though. If we couldn't have sex and touch each other, at least we could talk about it. We left Iceland in late August. Our first stop when, we reached the Europa mainland, was Norway, which was becoming quite cold. There were many desolate places in Norway, which were astoundingly beautiful.

In Norway, we had our first orgasms together. Our talks about sex had long since turned into full-blown sex-talk, where we tried to turn each other on. I had felt so unable to keep my hands to myself, that I had accidentally cupped myself. Seeing the spark of desire in Edward's eyes, this had led us to explore a safer path – a path where we sought enjoyment individually, but together.

Our orgasms were reached in as close proximity as possible, while we touched ourselves and whispered to each other. I had finally seen Edward naked, as he had seen me, and I yearned to feel him, which only served to make my body ache even more.

"I love you so much," Edward whispered as we came down from our climax. "I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you… It's so painful…" He shook his head in quiet amazement.

"I know _exactly_ how you feel," I told him, seriously. We chuckled together and snuggled together, naked.

From Norway we traveled into Sweden, following the desolate paths and enjoying to ravishing nature. Edward revealed that his idea about sex before marriage was almost out of the window, since we had done the things we had done anyway.

"Well, technically we haven't had sex," I argued.

"I'm not petty enough to find excuses," Edward admitted, making me frown in confusion. He elaborated. "Some people can't handle the limits set by their religion or upbringing, and so they find loopholes. What we've done has technically been a loophole, but if I ever stood in front of God, I doubt he would clap me on the back and congratulate me from circumventing his laws…"

"You know, I heard about some religious young people doing blowjobs and such things, which they said was fine, since it wasn't sex, and they wouldn't be going to Hell…" I cast my mind back to the daily paper we had received at my old work, where I had read an article about sexual abstinence within religious groups, and how they ended up doing other sexually related things – called it loopholes.

"I see what you mean," I told Edward.

"If you're looking for loopholes, you don't fear your God enough…" Edward shrugged.

"How are you, then?" I worried he was beating himself up over this, but he seemed _happy_.

"To be honest, I feel a _little_ guilty." Edward grinned at me. "Mostly, though, I feel great. I know you're _it_ , and to wait until marriage seems redundant… Sure, we can't make love because of how easy it is to hurt you, but what we've done until now works perfectly. I think, as long as you can own up to what you've done, you should be fine…"

"Well, your God might not see it that way," I reminded him.

"Then he's not worthy of being my God," Edward revealed and I laughed, delightedly. Was this finally the path for Edward to become whole? To truly accept his fate? I knew a part of him, deep down, still had so many issues to work out, but most of it was borne from his religious upbringing. Would this set him free?

Just before we left Sweden for Denmark, Edward decided he wanted to hunt properly, as the game in Denmark was apparently non-existent. While Edward hunted, I took my forged papers to a hospital.

True to his word, Carlisle had forged documents that allowed me to get my blood tapped and shipped off to him immediately. The nurse was curious about me, and I stuck the simple story Carlisle had told me - I had a blood-disorder, and everything had to be sent to specialists.

Denmark was a small country, and not that impressive as I had just passed through Norway and Sweden. It was much flatter and smaller, and there really wasn't that much to see in the "wild". I spent the majority of the time alone, as most sightseeing was in the city, but we had 1 day where Alice assured us that Edward would be able to join me. We took tour-busses around Copenhagen, and we even rented bikes to try to drive around ourselves. With Edward's formidable mind, this was great since he knew exactly where to go.

I would've loved to move southward, to France, Italy, and Spain, but the weather became better southward, so we decided to wait with those countries until it was winter. Instead, we moved eastward, to Poland and the Baltic countries - Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, followed by Russia in late September.

Russia was an impressive country. It was huge, and the weather varied immensely, so Edward and I had loads of opportunity to mingle amongst the humans.

Once more, I travelled on Edward's back as he ran through the Russian nature. It was absolutely magnificent, and Edward took me along the mountains as we travelled towards Mongolia and China.

"Can we climb Mount Everest?" I wondered, curious. That would be kind of cool.

"I think we should wait until you're a vampire. First of all, it's _really_ cold up there for you. Second of all, the air gets thinner the further you go up, so we would need to have a lot of extra equipment with us. There's a lot less oxygen in the air, so you would need additional oxygen to ensure your safety… And thirdly, the mount is treacherous, I would feel better knowing you can take care of yourself if something _did_ happen…"

"So when I'm a vampire, we'll totally climb it!" I agreed, and Edward nodded, smiling.

While we couldn't climb Mount Everest, we could climb several other smaller mountains. We camped often enough, since riding on Edward's back felt like riding a horse, so I felt pretty stiff. A lot of the time, I insisted we walk, and so we trekked our way into Mongolia along the mountain.

By mid-October, we reached China, where we toured the countryside, where the human inhabitants were less concentrated, and where the nature was still untouched. By the time we got to the larger cities, the weather was perfect for Edward to stay outside with me. Of course, that might've been due to the pollution.

China was vastly different from what I expected, and as a human with human needs, I found the hygiene to be less than stellar, so we went onwards pretty quickly.

We spent only a few days in South Korea, and, for some strange reason, Edward secured us access to North Korea, which was a terrifying experience.

Everyone we met in North Korea smiled, but I knew it was lies. Edward was in pain constantly, and we ended leaving before our time, as he was utterly overwhelmed by the painful thoughts of the people. While he didn't speak Korean, the gist of the thoughts gave the distinct impression that people were in pain. I tried to distract him by saying we could come back and assassinate the government, something he agreed with. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

We reached Japan in the beginning November. Japan quickly became my favorite country. Not only was the hygiene beyond what I was used to, but the food was utterly delicious, which I gushed to Esme about when I spoke with her on the phone. Japan also had a spectacular nature. To me, Japan seemed like the ideal country.

For the first time in my life, I tried sushi, which I found was to die for. It was absolutely exquisite! I wanted to stay longer in Japan, and we spent almost the entire month there before we decided to head home to Alaska, as Thanksgiving was drawing closer. Edward carried me back through Russia and northward, where we sailed across the narrow sea to Alaska, and picked up Carlisle's car, which he had generously left for us.

"Welcome back!" The entire family was gathered to greet us upon our arrival. I was filled with so much emotion that I nearly felt like crying.

"Bella, please…" Jasper murmured, making me chuckle and then cry out in happiness.

"I am just _so_ happy!" I laughed, and cried just a bit.

Jasper hugged me tightly in both greeting and support, and chuckled as I tried to rein my emotions.

"Bella, Bella, Bella!" Alice bounced. "I have so much to show you, and so many questions to ask! But first, tell me all about your trip!" She managed to keep herself from exploding with all her questions until I had hugged everyone. After that, she hauled me to her room to show me the bridal gown she had chosen for me.

"Alice, where is your dress?" I looked around, not finding it.

"My dress?" Alice's voice was hesitant, and I realized I had never officially asked if she wanted to be my maid of honor.

"Alice! Please say you'll be my maid of honor!" I insisted, and Alice squealed in delight and hugged me. "I didn't think that I would need to ask, I'm so sorry! And Rosalie has to be my bridesmaid, too!" I insisted. Rosalie was with us in an instant, hugging me eagerly.

"I would love to, Bella!" Rosalie told me, happy. We spent the rest of the day talking dresses with Esme, while the boys and Carlisle went hunting. Edward needed a good hunt, so they were gone for two days.

"So, what was it like to travel with Edward?" Rosalie winked at me, making me blush.

"It was great," I admitted.

"Uh huh," Alice grinned.

"I thought you couldn't see me!" I blushed furiously, and Esme, Alice, and Rosalie giggled at my expression.

"Jasper said that both of your emotions were different – the dynamics has changed…" Alice revealed.

"Ooooh," Rosalie giggled.

"You don't have to talk about it," Esme assured me, ever the mother. She winked at me, making me roll my eyes.

"We haven't had sex," I finally admitted. Alice raised an eyebrow. "But we found other ways to…" I trailed off, embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed. We're so happy for you, dear," Esme assured me, making me look up into their faces. True, they did look happy for me.

"We can't have sex, because I'm too squishy, but it was great to experience each other, though." The embarrassment was fading from me. This was my family, and soon enough they would know everything about me, since there were no secrets in the family. Besides, they could plainly hear me go to the bathroom, so was talking about sex really an issue?

"You must've done something to break down those morals of his," Rosalie poked, interestedly. I laughed.

"I think it just boiled down to sexual frustration," I chuckled. "We did talk about sex a lot, though, and what our thoughts were on the subject. That led to more intimate talks, which led to… other things…" They giggled excitedly, making me laugh.

"Edward did seem more relaxed," Esme commented, laughing lightly.

"Actually, I think he's _finally_ accepting himself… He's been so hung up on right and wrong in the eyes of God and his upbringing, but now it seems more like he listens to _us_ , listens to what _we_ want, rather than what we _should_ … He seems to finally listen to himself, his own needs and feelings, rather than anything else…" I explained.

"Thank you so much, Bella." Esme suddenly leaned over and hugged me. I could feel her body shaking with tearless cries. "Look at me, I'm a mess," Esme whispered, pulling away. She looked anything but a mess. "Carlisle and I were so worried about him… You've done so much for him. He was in so much emotional pain, stressed from the ideas he had of himself… To see him letting go, freeing himself from such a self-imposed burden…" She trailed off, obviously affected.

"What she's saying, Bella, is thank you for coming into our lives. You've changed Edward to the better – much better. But you've also changed us – me." Rosalie's voice was hitching and unwillingly I sniffled. I'm not sure who started crying first, but we were all crying and hugging not soon after.

I had so much to thank my vampire family for, and it was almost hard to say it all. Once more, I felt as if there were too many emotions for me to explain.

By the time the boys were home, we were a bit more emotionally stable. Still, Jasper instantly picked up on it, and he slipped out of the house with Alice.

* * *

"When are you travelling?" I wondered, curious. The family was gathered in the living room, chilling and just enjoying themselves. Jasper and Carlisle were playing chess, and Edward and Emmett were on the PlayStation.

"Well, we're thinking in February," Rosalie announced. "The weather in Europe will be bad enough for us to join you in Paris."

"Ahh… Paris…" Alice sighed. While Rosalie and Alice adored Paris for the fashion, I wanted to strictly see the sights and the nature. In fact, if I could avoid anything related to fashion I would be really happy. I wondered what Emmett wanted to do in Paris.

"Rosalie, how is it going with desensitizing yourself?" I wondered, curious. Rosalie looked frustrated for just a second.

"It's slow-going." She sounded annoyed at that. "It's hard to ignore your natural instincts…"

"What exactly is happening?" I wondered, curious.

"We test ourselves to see if we can stay sane with blood nearby. Usually, we can stay sane enough to stop breathing, but the task is to continue breathing, to continue smelling the scent, _and_ stay sane enough not to go berserk." Perhaps it was a good thing I hadn't been here to see it. It sounded rough. From what I gathered, Rosalie had yet to manage to stay sane while continue taking in the scent.

"I can't imagine how hard that is," I admitted.

"You will experience it soon enough," Alice assured me, chuckling. "I can't imagine how Carlisle does it. He stands in front of bleeding humans without wanting to eat them…" she shook her head in disbelief, briefly glancing towards Carlisle, who looked up at us and smiled.

"Years of practice…" Carlisle told us.

"Hopefully, I will eventually be able to work with children. It's not enough to just shut down and run away; if a child is hurt, I need to be there to help. I can't risk being near children if my only defense is to run away…" I padded Rosalie's hand in comfort, and she smiled lightly. "Luckily, I've made _some_ progress. Emmett, however, is utterly lost…" She rolled her eyes.

"I've made progress!" Emmett called from the spot near Edward. I admired how capable they were at multitasking. "Somewhat," Emmett amended, making Rosalie chuckle.

"He takes being a vampire very lightly. Do you think that's why it's harder?" I wondered, curious. Rosalie shrugged, uncertain.

"Existence will be a pain if you end up blaming yourself every time an accident happens. We're made to kill humans, abstaining is what is extraordinary," Emmett said, still deeply engrossed in his game.

"You sound almost smart," Jasper teased Emmett, making us laugh.

Later on, I spoke with Edward. "I just don't get it. I mean, going to school was _really_ dangerous!"

"We _can_ handle blood, to some extent, even a freshly scraped knee, and even for a few seconds," Edward explained. "But this isn't just learning to stop breathing, like we'd do before. This is taking the cloth to her nose, breathing it in, smelling it and tasting it, and forcing herself to stay sane throughout it all," Edward said. It sounded like a painful process, and I admired Carlisle even more.

* * *

A few days before Thanksgiving, I picked up Charlie from the airport.

"Dad!" I hugged him tightly, beyond happy to see him.

"Bella!" Charlie greeted. "How are you?"

"Absolutely great!" I assured him. "Though, I kind of miss my dad," I added with a grin. Charlie looked beyond pleased.

"I missed you, too. It's been great mailing with you. Life has been almost quiet," Charlie announced. From his mails, I knew Billy and Harry were talking to Charlie again, which was a relief. I hated the idea that Charlie might be alone. He would soon need friends.

"How is college?" Charlie asked, interested. I lied and told the story Carlisle and Edward and instructed me in. It was elaborate enough to be believable, but vague enough for me to remember. At home, Charlie saw my room, which was now filled with schoolbooks and assignments, courtesy of Alice and Rosalie, instead of the many wonderful artifacts Edward and I had collected throughout our trip. It looked like a college-room, now, and I could almost believe that a student lived in it.

Having Charlie over for a few days meant we needed to do something to pass the time. Charlie suggested fishing, which Edward eagerly joined in on - though I assumed it was to please Charlie than due to a sudden love for fish. Emmett, not one to back down from a challenge, insisted on going along, as he was certain he could catch the most fish. I was amused to see that Charlie had baited Emmett into going, clearly recognizing the nature of Emmett.

It was an established lie that the Cullens were capable in the wild, but I knew that they weren't exactly the fishing types, so I worried that they might come back empty handed, or make utter fools of themselves.

"You're not interested in fishing, Jasper?" Charlie wondered, extending an invitation to Jasper.

"I have too much homework, chief; another time," Jasper replied, apologetic. I tried not to laugh, as I knew that Jasper absolutely loathed the idea of sitting still in a small boat for hours. Rosalie wasn't keen on the idea either, but that was because she worried Emmett would end up smelling.

Carlisle, however, joined them on the fishing trip. He had taken a few days off from work, but would be back to work again on Black Friday, when both of my parents and Phil had left.

One the day of Thanksgiving, in the early morning, I drove to pick up Renee and Phil. Alice joined me for the trip, but I assumed it was mostly because she _still_ had wedding questions.

"I thought this was a simple wedding… Who cares what the invitations look like?" I grumbled to myself.

"Bella," Alice sighed dramatically. "Surely you _must_ realize - Wait, I have an idea…" She fished around in her purse for her phone and typed something in it. "Look at this invitation." I briefly glanced over a saw a horrid pink invitation, which looked like a preschooler could've created it.

"I see your point," I replied.

"Exactly. When you do this, you realize that it's not so much as what you _want_ , but rather what you _don't_ want…" Alice explained.

"But I trust you not to choose something like that…" I replied.

"And what if you don't like it? I can't see you very well, so you're asking me to risk your _wedding_ day…" Alice's voice was anxious, and I realized how much she depended on her ability. Under normal circumstances, she could see what people would think, but I was a hole in her vision.

"Okay," I relented. "Once Thanksgiving is over we can begin. Edward and I don't plan on leaving the country until after New Year's anyway, so we have a month for you to ask me whatever you need to know…"

"Thank you so much!" Alice told me, happily.

"Alice, _I_ should be the one thanking you. Thank you for wanting to plan the wedding for me, and you're right, I _should_ give you some feedback." I sent her small smile before I pulled into the airport parking lot.

"Your parents have arrived. If we hurry, we can greet them just as they enter the arrival area."

We managed to arrive just before Renee and Phil came out into the arrival area. Alice held up a sign with their names on it, decorated wildly with hearts and flowers.

"Bella!" Renee hugged me eagerly. "What a wonderful sign!" Renee hugged Alice as well. I gave Phil a brief hug, and Alice merely greeted him by hand. We spoke loosely about how things went with Phil and Renee and what they did with their lives.

"I've started painting again," Renee admitted, sheepishly, while admiring Alice's sign.

"I thought you hated it." I distinctly recalled Renee throwing her painting supplies into the trash, ranting about her inability to draw, and that it was a ridiculous thing to waste time on.

"We saw an exhibition…" Phil smiled a goofy smile as he glanced at Renee. I warmed my heart to see how lively their love was, and I knew Renee would be god good hands once I was gone.

Esme greeted Renee happily, and the two women chatted like old friends. Charlie took an interest in Phil's baseball career, and along with Jasper and Emmett, they had a lengthy conversation. As I looked at my family, both vampires and humans, I felt beyond content; I felt _whole_. I only wished Charlie would have someone special to keep him company when I left, but that was not up to me.

Esme and Renee went to the kitchen to prepare the food, and I ended up joining them to ensure that it ended up edible. I trusted Esme without a doubt, but Renee could ruin everything. I had experienced her try to sneak spices into my dishes when I lived with her, solely because the spice had a nice name or a pretty color.

"How's college? Is it great? Made some good friends?" Renee asked as we prepared the first part of dinner. Esme sent me a brief glance and a small smile, clearly giving me silent support.

"Yeah, it's great," I lied, skillfully. "People seem nice enough, but you know me, I prefer a book…" I said.

"Esme, you should've seen Bella when she was younger," Renee said, bringing forth anecdotes from my childhood. This brought Edward to our side almost instantly, as he was curious to ask questions. He found my childhood exciting, apparently, and he loved to know every piece of information about me. I tried to distract him by making him do the dishes and such things, but Renee was eager to share.

When we had a brief pause in the food-preparation, I spoke with Renee, who confided her thoughts about Edward.

"You just seem … perfect for each other," Renee confessed. We were talking a short walk in large garden, but I knew the family could easily hear us – the vampires anyway.

"Thanks," I replied, happy that she approved.

"How is living with his family? They're very nice," she commented, interestedly.

"I love it. Carlisle and Esme are the best guardians, and Edward is a perfect gentleman. His siblings are insane, as you've no doubt noticed." We both laughed lightly. The others soon joined us, eager for a walk, and as it had snowed heavily Jasper and Emmett were having a brutal snow fight, while Rosalie and Alice were making fashionable snowmen.

I decided to make a snowman as well, but he was far less perfect. Charlie helped me, and it did end up looking somewhat like a snowman.

As the snow began to fall again we headed back for warm drinks.

This had been the best Thanksgiving I had ever had, and I reveled at the idea of celebrating Christmas together as well.

In the early morning on Black Friday, Edward and I drove Charlie, Renee and Phil to the airport hastily, as Alice said a storm would be hitting, so instead of staying the weekend they ended up having to leave before the chaos started – both the weather and the shopping.

As we drove back, I reveled in the wonder of the past few days. It felt like everything was perfect. I could see my entire life ahead me, spreading out perfectly.

The Cullens were great, Edward was great, my family were great, both families together were great, and travelling was great.

 _Everything was great_.

As the evening closed in, I prepared to go to bed. The decision had barely registered in my mind when a _thump_ sound, sounded. I looked over at Alice, who had fallen to the ground, horror written in her expression.

"No-" Alice choked on the word.

"No!" Edward whispered, hoarsely.

"Alice?" Jasper blurred to her side instantly.

"Edward." Carlisle kneeled by Edward. I wanted to move to Edward side, but his expression was terrifying.

"They're coming… They're coming," Alice whispered, painfully

"Who?" Carlisle whispered, sounding almost frightened. Goosebumps traveled down my spine as fear cursed through my body.

* * *

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	26. The Threat

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* * *

 **Chapter 26 - The Threat**

The room felt tense. I couldn't avoid the shivers the ran through my body, even though I knew I was perfectly safe.

"Alice!" Jasper was hissing at an unseen enemy. He looked every bit the vampire that he was.

In the stressed situation, my mind seemed to split. A part of me tried to keep calm, to remind myself that I wasn't in danger, and the other part was shaking in terror.

Edward, obviously sensing my fear, or perhaps it was simply very visible in my expression, flashed to me and held me. He was the first to regain his senses, though he looked very uneasy.

"They're coming, Carlisle; the Volturi and the entire guard. They do not seem pleased…" His expression said so much more than his words, and once more, I felt myself shiver in fear. I didn't even know why this was so frightening, but the faces of my family were frightened.

"It makes no sense!" Alice hissed, clearly trying to see something hidden from her view. Both Alice and Edward seemed momentarily lost in her vision.

"Explain. Now!" Esme demanded, her voice quivering. Carlisle was at her side in the blink of an eye.

"The Volturi. I can see them visiting us. It's not just a chance visit, but a deliberate one. They seem aggressive." Alice frowned, trying to see what was going on. She seemed more composed now, but I knew her well enough to read her body language: she was scared. What else had she seen?

"Why would they come here?" Jasper wondered confused. I felt like I was missing some vital information that could help me make sense of things – right now my body was in charge, and it clearly reacted to the anxiety in the room.

"I can't _see_ … There's something missing!" Alice paced while her hands massaged her temples.

"Is- is it me?" I whispered.

"No," Edward denied instantly.

"Not _just_ you," Alice amended, earning a glare from Edward, which she easily ignored.

"What did you see? What have you so scared?" Carlisle sounded impatient. His voice was stern, demanding now. Both Alice and Edward seemed more attentive.

"I saw them coming; Aro, Caius, and Marcus. They're bringing the guard… They've come for us…" Alice said.

"They're coming because of Bella?" Esme whispered, anxious.

"I-" Alice faltered.

"Alice's vision has holes," Edward explained, looking at me apologetically.

"They know she's human…" Alice was certain of this.

"They wouldn't come _just_ for that," Carlisle denied, equally certain as well.

"That's the thing," Alice explained. "I can't see very well. I get the sense that there's more to the visit. There's something we're missing… I can definitely see that they don't like that we have Bella, but it's as if there's static…"

"Can it be due to Bella's ability?" Carlisle confirmed.

"I don't think so." Alice said, uncertain. "You remember when I talked to you about the cut-off in my vision a while ago?" As Alice spoke, her eyes suddenly widened. "Oh my God, it was decided even then!"

"What?" Emmett asked, confused.

"I tried to see the future regarding the wedding, but I kept seeing darkness. Carlisle, could a decision have been made to come here even back then?" Alice sounded frightened at the prospect.

"I don't know," Carlisle admitted. "If it's the same cut-off you're experiencing, which is seems like, then it does sound as if there's been a deliberate decision for a while… Are you certain it's not Bella's gift that has expanded?" Carlisle seemed it want to be absolutely certain. I hoped it was truly just me ruining things. That seemed far less dangerous.

"The hole Bella makes in my vision is different…" Alice seemed annoyed at being unable to explain how different it was.

"It's like the hole Bella makes in Alice's vision is grey, but the one she's seeing now is black. While it seems like the same hole, there's a different feel it it…" Edward explained. Alice sent him a thankful look.

"Is Bella human when they come?" Carlisle's words silenced the room. Alice and Edward looked at each other, clearly looking for some indication within her visions.

"I can't tell," Alice finally said. "We're in the fields ahead of the house. I can see us all there, even the Denali, but not Bella…"

"There are things that doesn't add up. If the Volturi were displeased by Bella's existence, only a few guards would be sent to discuss with us. It seems unlikely that Aro would come, and even more so that Caius and Marcus would join him, as well as the entire guard… Not only that, but if you're right about the cut-off of your vision, this has been planned for months…" Carlisle's words were soft and almost unwilling to consider the idea.

"What are we missing?" Rosalie wondered, glancing around at the family.

"The nomad," Jasper announced. "The nomad whose scent we caught was observing us. Maybe it wasn't just a passing nomad. Maybe it was a scout?" Jasper looked towards Carlisle.

"It wouldn't be unheard of… What is unheard of is the reaction…" Carlisle seemed confused.

"What if it wasn't a scout, but actually a passing nomad that saw something they believed to be different that it actually was?" Rosalie suggested instead.

"Still, Aro would only send a few guards to investigate further. For them all to come…" Carlisle trailed off, still looking as if he was thinking hard.

"Perhaps we're making it worse than it is…" Esme suggested. Her voice was tender, calming. I wanted so much to believe her, but everyone else looked on edge.

"No. The first time my vision cut off I was with Bella. The nomad arrived _after_ the cut-off… Aro must've known about my ability before the nomad." Alice insisted immediately. She looked frustrated at the thought.

"If this is truly true, then this is troubling," Carlisle admitted. "I am not aware of any other nomads visiting our area…"

"Are you not? I seem to recall 3 nomads visiting," Rosalie stated. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she leaned heavily into Emmett.

"We killed James and Victoria… But we let Laurent go to Denali." Jasper spoke carefully, eying Carlisle, who frowned.

"I agree with Carlisle," Edward admitted, obviously listening to Carlisle's mental voice. "Laurent have no reason to go to Volterra, and I am sure we would've heard if Irina and him left for Italy…"

"Either way, Carlisle, their intentions are not kind," Alice insisted. "I can definitely see that they didn't like that we included Bella and kept her human."

"So it's because of me?" I felt a lump in my throat.

"No…" Alice seemed to see the future again, but her expression was one of frustration. "You're not the reason… I think…" Her voice was slow as she spoke. "You're… I don't know? The excuse?" She glanced towards Edward, who frowned.

"We're missing a link," Edward said.

"Explain," Carlisle asked, trying to understand the situation better.

"I can see that Aro is upset that Bella was human…"

"Was? So she's changed?" Emmett noted. Alice nodded vaguely, having more visions.

"I _think_ so…" Alice said, glancing towards me. I sent her a vague smile, trying my best to be calm. "But she's not with us. I… I _think_ she's near, possibly in the house?" Alice glanced at Edward, who seemed confused.

"We're missing the obvious," Esme reminded us. "Alice, you said that Bella's presence isn't the reason they've come. So, why?" Again silence fell. We waited patiently for Edward and Alice to interpret her visions.

"My visions are conflicting. It's like there isn't a clear reason. Not one I can see, anyway. I am pretty sure that Bella isn't the only reason, but my visions keep cutting off, though sometimes differently…"

"Why would your vision cut off differently?" Rosalie wondered, confused.

"Alec is able to cut off our senses," Carlisle explained. I had heard a little about the Volturi, but I hadn't considered the guards and their abilities. There had to be some pretty hardcore ones, to ensure that the power stayed with the Volturi.

"Maybe…" Alice allowed, uncertain.

"I think we should contact the Denali," Esme insisted, glancing at Carlisle. "Eleazar would know better than anyone. Besides, we need to know about Laurent."

While Carlisle called the Eleazar, Alice kept trying to understand her visions.

"What is happening?" Jasper implored, wanting to unburden her.

"I can see that they've come. Aro is offering me a place amongst the Volturi… I deny and the darkness occurs…" Alice explained.

"Eleazar is on his way. When does the darkness or static end?" Carlisle had hung up the phone.

"I-" Alice fell silent, trying to see. "I- It doesn't…" A worrisome feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. What did it mean? Alice continued to scout ahead, trying to see what lay beyond the static. Edward sat with her, scouting alongside her.

Meanwhile, Esme moved to support me. I was calming down, and focusing on my breathing. I didn't want to burden Jasper with my emotions right now; he had enough on his plate. The calming exercise served to help me find peace, and slowly I could join the others in contemplating what we had been told.

It was getting dark outside, very dark, as the night fell deeply around us. It was snowing heavily, but I couldn't appreciate the beauty right now, nor could I get any sleep – I was too wound up.

My worst fear was death. At the same time, it seemed unlikely. From the stories I had heard from Carlisle, the Volturi punished, but they didn't do it without reason. I couldn't imagine a reason why we should be punished now. That I was human seemed very inconsequential, considering the reasons.

"Eleazar is here." Carlisle was by door in an instant and allowed Eleazar entrance. I sent him a vague smile, which I wasn't sure if he saw. He strode to us.

"What happened?" Eleazar wondered, immediately getting up to date.

"Alice has seen a vision of the Volturi coming for us." Carlisle's voice was soft and calm.

"Coming _for_ you or coming _to_ you?" Eleazar noted.

"It would appear _for_ us. We do not know what the trigger is, or why they would come… Has Laurent been with you all the time? We did dispose of his coven, perhaps he holds a grudge…" Carlisle revealed.

"Laurent made it very clear that there was no love between him and his last coven," Eleazar said. "He said they'd only been together for a short while, and that it was borne out of convenience, nothing else. I cannot imagine that he would've contacted the Volturi – it would affect us as well, and Irina especially… Nevertheless, I shall look into this, just to be on the safe side." Eleazar looked towards Alice. "Alice, what did you see?"

"All three are coming along with the guard. There are many guards. I can see plainly that they're displeased that Bella was human. I am quite sure now that she _isn't_ human when we meet them." Alice's voice was firm and certain. I felt a rush go through me at the knowledge that I was turned.

"But?" Eleazar asked. "I cannot imagine they would all gather just because of Bella… It's very unorthodox…"

"I am pretty sure Bella _isn't_ the reason they're coming. To be honest-" Alice breathed out unnecessarily. "It almost seems as if it's an excuse…"

"Why would they need an excuse to come here?" Esme wondered, trying to be reasonable. I wondered the same thing; the Volturi had enough power – surely they could do whatever they wanted.

"Perhaps it's not to come here why they need an excuse. Perhaps it because of what they want to do here…" Jasper's words fell heavily on us all. Carlisle, however, quickly dispelled the idea.

"No… I simply cannot imagine Aro would come to eliminate us - not without reason. And certainly not without warning." Carlisle denied. It argument was reasonable – or I was very naïve. I couldn't imagine being prosecuted without warning.

"I agree… It's not their style…" Eleazar said, frowning. "What happens next, Alice?" Our eyes turned to her again.

"That's the weird part…" Edward interjected.

Alice nodded. "Normally, the future isn't set in stone. There are usually so many possibilities. But this vision… There are no possibilities. It's always the same. Aro offers me to join him, I decline. The vision turns black. He _must_ have already made the decision. He _must_ know about my power…"

"Try to say yes," Eleazar said. Alice glanced towards Carlisle, who nodded.

"I would rather you say yes, than put yourself in harm's way…" Carlisle said. Alice fell silent, trying to see a new future.

She shook her head. "He offers me a place, but when I say yes he doesn't believe me. The vision goes black…"

"Why ask, then?" Emmett wondered, confused.

"Your vision turning black might just be another vampire's power," Eleazar suggested.

"Could it be Alex?" Carlisle asked.

"It could be; his power would work in that moment, but Alice should be able to see what happens after," Eleazar argued.

"Do- do you think he kills her?" Esme wondered, tentatively. It was a question that had been hidden deep in my own mind – something I hadn't dared voice out loud.

"It seems unlikely. I cannot imagine a reason for Aro to do this…" Eleazar shook his head. "You said you have holes. There must be something we're missing because of that…"

"I can't push the blackness away. I try to argue with Aro, but my vision cuts off. It's as if it has been decided that I cannot see, and nothing I do changes this…" Alice frowned. Her eyes seemed to slip out of focus, as she was lost in another vision.

"Alice!" Edward hissed and we swirled towards her. Her eyes were wide.

"I saw something! It was brief. I saw us running. It was summer!" Alice whispered. "It was just a short flash, but I saw all of us – your family, Eleazar, as well…" Her shoulders sagged, relieved.

"Us?" Eleazar confirmed.

"Summer…" Carlisle said. "When will the Volturi be here?" I glanced at Alice again, as her eyes turned vacant.

"It looks like winter… I'm making markings. It's this winter… It's… just before Christmas." Alice fell silent. November was ending now. This gave us only weeks to prepare, if we were lucky.

"I will call the others. They should know. I am sure they would like to be here with you," Eleazar said, still sounding troubled.

"Eleazar, I cannot ask this of you. If the Volturi have disagreeable intentions, you're risking yourselves in getting involved…" Carlisle said.

"Carlisle, I will not let you stand alone. Alice said that they use Bella's humanity as an excuse, but it seems like she's not the reason they've come… Until we can be certain of their intentions, I would feel best if we stood together…" Eleazar argued. "Besides, Alice said saw us with you. It has been decided, then." His voice left no room for argument.

"Your thoughts-" Edward glanced at Eleazar, clearly having seen something in Eleazar's mind.

"Back in the day, when I worked for them, my job was to find vampires with abilities. I never liked my work, it felt dishonest, but… It's only _recently_ that I've begun to realize the method… They would find a coven or a vampire that was guilty of something, and in redemption, they would offer a place among themselves, to the gifted vampires. The vampires would think they were spared," Eleazar explained. "I am sad to reveal that it was _my_ job to look for talented vampires… Once I found one, the Volturi found a reason to pay them a visit…"

"You truly think we're being threatened?" Carlisle asked, his voice serious.

Alice spoke up. "Yes, the sense I got was threatening… But, when Aro offered, it seemed like he didn't expect me to accept, and when I did I could see he distrusted it…" Alice explained. "To be honest, I got the feeling that he didn't expect me to join, as if his offer was just for show… Whatever happens, I can't see, but I got a bad feeling…"

"This is what I don't get. Why the masquerade?" Eleazar wondered. "Why act is if you plan on acquiring, when it's not your intention?" Eleazar pondered this question. "Not only that, but Aro desires gifted vampires above all else – for that reason alone I am almost certain he wouldn't annihilate us."

"I can't imagine Aro would want to hurt me - or the family. I have never given him any indication that I could possibly be a threat. When I lived with them, he and I were great friends…" Carlisle explained, recalling his past.

"The question is: does Aro have great friends – or even friends?" Edward said, suspicious. I recalled Edward once mentioning that he got a different impression of Aro through Carlisle's thoughts, since he lacked the emotions Carlisle had. Had Edward been right to be distrustful?

"What would he gain from the pretense?" Carlisle argued. "It was many, many years ago. I am far from unique; I've made you, just like many others have made their covens…"

"Is it because we're vegetarians?" Esme wondered.

Eleazar shook his head. "Aro might not understand that path, and while he looks down on it, he never gave me the impression that he wanted to eradicate any vampires who did it…"

Once more, silence fell.

"It seems we still lack questions…" Eleazar.

"You should go back…" Carlisle insisted.

"No, Carlisle. While we still lack questions, there is one question that has already been answered, perhaps the most important one: why can't we see?" Eleazar glanced at each of us.

Edward, obviously reading from Eleazar's mind, supplied, "Because Alice has been taken out of the equation - deliberately."

"This has been long underway. I've lost my vision of the future a few times – a few months ago – before the nomad arrived. This means that someone else must've told them _something_ that made them send out a scout… Or whatever the nomad was…" Alice explained, making Eleazar frown.

"If that is so, this would heavily imply that Aro knows about Alice's ability, perhaps knows intimately how it works in order to avoid it… Considering Aro's gift, it does not necessarily mean that any friends who have visited Volterra meant us harm…" Eleazar glanced at Alice. "What do you see if you look for Aro?"

Alice fell silent, looking into the future. Her expression turned frustrated. "He seems normal. He does his duty - the same with the others…"

"Would you say that they're specifically avoiding us, as to not arouse suspicion?" Eleazar questioned. I had been told Eleazar had worked with the guard, and now I saw his analytical and calculated mind come into play.

"If it was so, it's too late for me to see. The choice has been made. I can't see any of the brothers making decisions regarding us…" Alice shrugged, uncertain.

"I need to call Carmen. I have a bad feeling, and I will not leave you to stand trial alone. We are your family, and we can attest that you've done nothing illegal. I doubt they would consider Bella illegal, considering her status as Edward's mate…" Eleazar was on the phone in seconds.

Meanwhile, the family all became unnaturally still, even Edward, and I tried to ignore the claustrophobic feeling. However, after a while each vampire rose, except for Edward and Alice, and I realized that the rest of the Denali clan must be close.

Carlisle opened the door and greeted Tanya. The stillness of the room lifted and people eagerly greeted each other.

"What is this we hear?" Carmen strode to Eleazar's side.

"The Volturi are coming; the three brothers and their guard," Eleazar explained.

"Why?" Kate sounded worried.

"Where is Irina and Laurent?" Carlisle wondered, curious. I hadn't realized they were not here.

"Laurent is not yet comfortable around humans…" Kate glanced towards me, and when she caught my eye she smiled lightly. "We're certain he hasn't contacted the Volturi, and we know for certain that he hasn't visited them."

"What happened, Alice?" Carmen wondered.

"I can't see what started it, but I can see that they don't like that we knew Bella when she was human." Alice explained her visions, obviously still sifting through her them as she spoke. "It's difficult to say..." She said.

"But coming because of Bella seems highly unlikely," Tanya reasoned, just as we had earlier. Edward nodded.

"It doesn't look like it?" Edward wondered with a glance at Alice. She shook her head. "It seems almost like an excuse…"

"I'm missing some information. They had their entire guard with them, from what I am aware. I can't see why they would come for Bella, when only a few are needed," Alice informed.

"Tell us, dear Alice, what you see," Carmen begged. She sat next to Alice, holding the small pixie in her embrace.

"I see them coming, I see them making demands of us. Bella is a vampire. I- it's so blurry. But I can see that they're all there," Alice tried to explain feebly. "They're asking something from us…"

"But all because of a human?" Tanya whispered, confused.

"But it's not just her, it's her family as well. They might not know, but we're giving them the opportunity to find out the moment we touch Aro. The Volturi won't condone that chance," Kate mumbled. Silence. I hadn't considered that my human family might suddenly be at risk.

"Still, this is only added fuel; what are the original reasons?" Tanya insisted, sounding almost impatient.

"Focus, Alice." Carmen's voice was soft, as she stroked Alice's cheek gently.

Alice glanced up at us, finally. "I don't know… I'm cut off all the time… I get the sense that we're a threat to them. Cutting off my vision has been decided, and I can only see up to a certain point…" Alice looked saddened at being so unable to help us.

"But that makes no sense. It doesn't matter the size, we're not threat," Carlisle said with certainty. Eleazar glanced at Carlisle skeptically.

"Covens as big as yours have been eradicated before, just for this," Eleazar said. "And it's not just you 8, we're with you too. With all of us, all 14 of us, there have never been a larger coven," Eleazar said. I worried that if Eleazar thought the Volturi were out for us, then it had to be true. He should know.

"But they know us. Even if we're a large family, they know us well enough…" Carlisle shook his head.

"What are your memories, Carlisle?" Eleazar wondered. Carlisle looked uncertain.

"There's a trial," Carlisle explained unsure. "There are witnesses…"

"There are no witnesses here. Only the Volturi," Alice said with certainty.

"Then I worry," Eleazar admitted. "My dealings have shown me that they bring witnesses if the family has actually done something, but if the wrongdoings are small, such as ours, witnesses would only complicate. They _want_ some of us, and that means they will ensure not witnesses will see the terror they plan on doing," His eyes fell on Alice and Edward. "Without witnesses we stand no chance. No one will know," Eleazar said.

"But they _don't_ want us…" Alice reminded him.

"We can't know, because your vision cuts off… I think Alex might be influencing you, and we must assume that Aro deliberately cuts off your gift, so that we cannot prepare beforehand…" Eleazar pointed out. "There must be another vampire helping – I can't imagine how he's managed to keep you out of the loop beyond the actual events…"

Eleazar continued. "Edward is certainly a great asset; so would Bella be once she's turned. She already has a remarkable talent. Jasper and Alice are valuable, too, with their gifts." Eleazar seemed so vocal about the defeat and acquire theory.

"So, what? We're assuming that Aro apparently knows Alice's gift perfectly enough to keep her blind? That he wants to kill us who doesn't have gifts and acquire those who do?" Rosalie stood, pacing. She was angry, but I could tell she was scared, too. Emmett was by her side and hugged her.

"We're a large family - someone _would_ notice if we suddenly vanished…" Esme argued.

"Vampires normally don't live in large covens because they end up fighting," Jasper pointed out. I realized that an explanation had presented itself: we would kill each other, and those surviving would be granted a safe haven with the Volturi.

"I don't understand – let's say they want to defeat and acquire," I spoke up. "Let's say some of us ends up with them. We'll always know… We can tell the others… That seems like a pretty dangerous thing to have someone around who knows the truth about what happened…"

"They have Chelsea. She's able to manipulate emotions. You might know about what actually happened, but you will be fine with it, as she'll have ensured your loyalty to the Volturi…" Eleazar told me. I gaped at him, shocked. That seemed crazy.

"I can't see why Aro would hurt us. There _must_ be something we're missing… Alice, you said you saw a brief glint of us running in the summer…" Carlisle seemed desperate for a solution.

"It was brief, vague…" Alice responded.

"Perhaps we need to calm down," Tanya spoke up. "We're all very upset. I think we should ponder what Alice has revealed, and consider alternative explanations. It could very well be that Aro simply needs our help. Though unlikely, it would not be the first time vampires have rallied together. He could be here because someone is threatening their rule… I, for one, would put my money on the Romanians…" I had no idea who that was, but this idea seemed plausible. The others nodded I agreement.

"Yes," Kate added. "No matter what, we will be here for you. Alice, you should try to see the Romanians…" Alice spaced out, searching that specific future.

"I would prefer you do not put your own family at risk," Carlisle asked.

" _You_ are our family," Carmen insisted. There was no room for arguments, and the family dispersed. Edward pulled me to his room.

I tried to talk to him, to tell him my fears, but I found that I was unable to talk. Instead, we lay on the bed, while Edward calmed me by humming. Eventually, Esme knocked on the door.

"I'm sorry, dear. You must be absolutely starving!" I hadn't even considered this, but I nodded and accepted the food she had prepared for me, grateful.

"Thank you, Esme," I whispered. She smiled a calm, serene smile, clearly trying to make me feel better.

"You're not tired at all?" Edward wondered, caressing me as I ate.

"I feel too wound up. I couldn't possibly sleep," I admitted, as I ate.

Hours later, I must've dozed off anyway. I woke when Edward gently kissed me.

"Sorry to wake you, love," Edward whispered. "We need to go meet the others." His voice was soft and I rose with him quickly. The others were already gathered when we joined them in the living room.

"The vision from earlier in the summer - I see us _all_ running together. We're alive, and not with the Volturi – but it's vague…" Alice said.

"Yet your vision at Christmas cuts off. There's nothing in between," Edward added. Alice nodded.

"What?" Rosalie asked, impatient.

"I can't see what happens between Christmas and summer. It's as if there's something blocking me. I try to tell myself to dance in April, but there's nothing…" Alice bit her lip, uncertain.

"Can you see more of what happens at Christmas?" Carmen wondered.

"Aro tells us that he is displeased that Bella was human for so long, and that we have close ties to her human family… I've only had this vision twice – it's as if he considered saying it, but changed his mind. Now, Aro starts out with the usual greetings, asks me to join him and then cuts off my vision…"

"This shows deliberation. It would appear he deliberately doesn't want you to see more…" Kate murmured. "I think we can all agree on this."

"I think it's clear that Aro must know how Alice's gift works. He's ensuring we cannot prepare," Tanya said, nodding.

"And you're certain of us being together in the summer?" Eleazar confirmed, as Alice nodded. He frowned in reply. "We're blind, then…"

"It's obvious they won't hurt us. Whatever happens at Christmas doesn't interfere with Alice's vision in the summer," Carlisle reasoned. Carmen nodded.

"Yes, I agree. If they wanted anything malevolent, Alice would not see us in the summer." Carmen's voice was certain and pleased. I still felt uneasy, though.

"There are still too many questions that are unanswered…" Alice said, uncertain.

"Alice," Eleazar grinned now. "Try to signal yourself. Imagine standing in front of them – now signal what you know so far before the vision cuts off…"

"That's a great idea!" Alice said, eager. She closed her eyes, focusing. It felt like we waited for her for quite a while.

"There's not much." Alice opened her eyes. "All I tell myself is that they're hostile. Jasper tells me that their emotions are hostile…"

"Still, we're all together in the summer," Tanya reminded us. "This means that it can't be that bad…"

"Can it be the wolves?" Edward wondered. "You can't see them, they interfere with your vision," Edward reasoned. Alice cocked her head to the side, considering the idea.

"No- Yes? It's… different, isn't it?" Alice asked Edward confused, "I mean, you've seen my visions with the wolves go black, is this the same _black_?" I wondered how black could be different, but then again, apparently the whole I created was different as well.

"We should try calling the wolves, nevertheless…" Carlisle suggested.

"Don't bother, they say they won't come." Alice shook her head.

"Perhaps they change their mind?" Jasper suggested. Carlisle nodded, and decided to call them nonetheless.

"Why does it feel like we're preparing for war?" Rosalie wondered, anxious. "If the Volturi feels antagonized, having wolves by our side won't make that antagonism go away!"

"They are coming with hostile intentions; of that I am sure." Alice insisted.

"So you think we will fight them? Fight the entire Volturi guard?" Rosalie sounded skeptical. I could see what she meant; we were nothing against the entire gifted Volturi.

"We cannot know what will happen. We will have to trust Alice's vision of summer. Whatever happens will turn out okay. It seems obvious to me that we cannot possibly fight the entire guard..." Carmen insisted with a calm voice.

Carlisle returned from making the call to Billy. "The wolves will not help us."

"It's better this way, no doubt. No need to add fuel to the fire," Eleazar insisted.

"We'll be here then. We're as much involved as you, after all," Tanya assured Carlisle.

"But we should consider Bella," Kate motioned to me. I felt like a deer caught in the headlight.

"She must be changed," Alice insisted. "If not, they will kill her. I am certain of this."

"Bella…" Edward's voice was hoarse. My heart was beating furiously in my chest, almost hurting me. We made a deal - it had to be our choice.

"What about-?" I fell silent, my heart constricting. There was no choice. The Volturi couldn't come here and see me human. I cleared my throat, painfully. "When?" My voice sounded hoarse and rough to my ears.

"As soon as possible," Alice insisted. "We need to prepare as much as possible. Your parents must think you're dead…" Alice glanced at Carlisle, who looked pained for a second, but nodded.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," Edward turned to me, his hands gently stroking my cheeks. I had been prepared for this for a long time. I stroked Edward's cheek in reply. I tried to stay strong for him. It was just so sudden.

"I love you," I whispered and our foreheads rested against each other. "Will you be able to do it?" I wondered. I hoped he would.

"Perhaps there's an alternative solution," Carlisle smiled gently at me.

"Good idea," Edward replied, smiling. Everyone looked annoyed. "Carlisle is thinking about injecting you with my venom. That way I won't have to bite."

"How long, Alice?" Esme wondered.

"They will be here December 19th," Alice said, certain. "We will need to pretend you died, Bella…"

* * *

As day-break arrived, I wrote a mail to Charlie.

 _Hey dad_

 _Thank you so much for coming by for Thanksgiving - it's not the same without you. The Cullens really had a great time, and I know they're looking forward for Christmas – as am I._

 _Edward and I are leaving in an hour to go skiing. Yep, no need to re-read it! I am going skiing. I hope I don't break something, haha._

 _Anyway, I love you. If you hear from mom, tell her I love her, too. I don't dare to tell her that I am going skiing – can you imagine her reaction?_

 _See you soon!_

 _xBella_

Edward read my mail before I sent it – just to ensure that I didn't sound suspicious. I tried to keep the shaking at a minimum, but I was finding it hard not to cry. It was just so sudden. I avoided sending a mail to Renee, knowing that she would call me and freak out on me for going skiing. If I spoke on her on the phone, she would know instantly that something was wrong.

Edward and I weren't going skiing, but it would be a good enough excuse for us to suddenly disappear. We had to act fast, since we only had almost 3 weeks until the Volturi came. Emmett and Jasper prepared a car, filled it with Edward's and my belongings, and were planning on making it look like a crazy bear attack on our way to go skiing.

In the meantime, it was decided that I would be changed at the Denali's place, since it was likely Renee, Phil, and Charlie would visit our home when the search for us began. Alice foresaw the conclusion of our ruse in about two weeks' time, leaving us a week before the Volturi would come.

Edward and I left with the Denali clan for their home. They had come to us through running, and we would run as well. I was packed up good, since it was still very cold, though at least it wasn't snowing that much anymore. Carlisle said he needed to pick up some things from the hospital, and that he'd meet us at the Denali home.

I knew Edward could feel my tremors. "It's not that I'm unhappy, it's just very sudden," I hiccupped uncomfortably, trying my best to bury the cries. "And I have no idea what's going to happen," I tried to assure him. I tried to keep my emotions under control, not wanting to hurt Edward, too.

Suffice to say, the trip to Denali home was horrible for me. I was beyond tired, and I was very upset. In a masochistic way I was glad for the pain I was about to experience, if only just to take away my mind from what had happened. It felt so strange, but mere days ago everything had been perfect. Only a day ago, we had sat around the Thanksgiving table with my human family, enjoying ourselves.

Everything was wrong, now. What happened to our plans? To my dreams? I was only grateful that I had just seen my parents, yet already now it felt like forever ago, while in reality it had been one day ago since we'd driven them to the airport.

In a way, our ending had been perfect, since I had just seen my human family and the encounter had been filled with love, and I dearly hoped the Volturi wouldn't harm my parents. Alice hadn't seen it, but who knew what would happen.

"Don't worry, Bella. Alice saw us in the summer. No matter what happens we must look towards that, at least," Carlisle calmed me. I nodded. Alice had seen us all running in a forest, so the Volturi's visit couldn't be as bad as we feared. I tried to ignore how Alice insisted something was missing; I tried to ignore her scared voice, which was imprinted in my mind.

"I'm sorry we couldn't do it like you planned," Edward carried me to an empty room.

"Edward, this way I get to be a teenager forever with you," I kissed his nose. For his sake, at least, I had to be strong. "I never did tell you, but I asked Carlisle if we could donate some of my eggs before I was changed…" He was effectively distracted.

"When did you decide this? And why didn't you tell me?" Edward seemed surprised at my choice, yet pleased.

"It was regarding my bucket list. I guess other things came in the way…" I replied. I had never intended not to tell him about it, I just figured we had enough time. Truthfully, a part of me assumed Carlisle would use it to explain my visits to him – if Edward or Alice had realized I had been there. Apparently, none of them had found out of my secret visits, and so it never came up.

"That was a very noble thought. I wish we could've done it," Edward admitted and leaned down at kissed me briefly.

"We will take care of you, Bella," Tanya assured me. Edward left me alone with Tanya.

"Have you ever met them?" I wondered curiously. Her expression darkened and I realized she must've.

"I have no love for them," she replied, sounding unemotional. "My mother did a horrible deed, and she was punished with death." She sighed. "I know what she did was wrong, but it's still painful," she admitted. Edward returned a second later, followed by Kate, Carlisle, and Irina. The latter smiled at me in greeting.

"I don't know if it will help," Carlisle brought forth a drip stand for intravenous injection. He added the needle to my hand and started it up. After a minute or so, I felt slightly lightheaded.

"I feel it," I said. My mouth felt strange to me, buzzing.

"We're going to knock you out of it, and we will try to keep you out of it. Hopefully you won't register the pain," Carlisle explained. The drip was working. I felt more and more lightheaded. Eventually I faded out.

* * *

 **Stuff is happening! Stay tuned ;)**


	27. The Change

**Have faith in the story xD**

* * *

 **Chapter 27 – Change**

I felt like I had slept deeply for a long time, and now I was waking up. Except, I wasn't actually waking up, and a part of me was aware that I was asleep. Perhaps it was my subconsciousness waking up, and reminding me that I was doped up on morphine. It felt a bit like lucid dreaming – I was awake -somewhat -in my mind.

The morphine made my thoughts disjointed. It was as if I was trying to build a bridge between my consciousness and the thoughts below, but I kept missing the connection. For a while, I felt like I was fumbling to make sense in my head; a part of me was confused, perhaps because I wasn't quite sure why I was 'awake'.

In my muddled mind, something slowly became certain: there was an itch somewhere.

I tried to scratch it, but my body wasn't working due to the morphine. For a short while, I tried to ignore the itch, and instead focused on trying to remember what exactly had happened. Everything felt so slow in my mind, so it felt like it took forever to sort things out; one thought took hours to unravel.

The itching increased. I tried to ignore it once more, but it wouldn't go away. I wanted so much to itch it. Was it my leg? I felt like, whatever the itch was, it was filled with bees that were trying to sting their way out of me.

Panic set in, as I realized I couldn't remove the itch. I wanted to claw my arm off – Was that where the itch was? If I removed my arm, the pain would stop?

It hurt more and more. I had to wake up now. Edward had to help me remove the itch, which was now turning in to a full blown assault of pain.

 _I'm changing_. I concluded this very slowly, somehow having failed at realizing it sooner as my mind felt blurry from the morphine. The pain was coming into focus. I felt like I was drowning, except it wasn't in water, but in everything else. The pain drowned me, the numbing feeling that kept me down drowned me, and even my own body felt like it was drowning me. I tried to wake up, to snap out of the morphine-induced sleep. I had to tell them to stop. It was hurting me and I wouldn't be able to survive this. No one could possibly survive this.

 _The Volturi are coming!_ The mere thought made me angry, frustrated, and scared.

It felt as if a part of my mind refused to accept it. The pain, amazingly enough, seemed to increase. It was getting unbearable now – I had thought it was unbearable before, but obviously, I had been wrong. I wanted so much to continue, but it hurt too much. I had to stop it. It hurt so much, and I needed to remove the pain.

I couldn't stop the pain; it was like an express train bursting with speed. I was trapped in my mind as the pain marched on, touching other parts of my body. I tried to scream, but my screams were silent. I tried to yell, to beg, but that was silent, too. I felt as if I was being held down, and someone was slowly moving a red hot iron across my body, sticking to my skin and peeling it off slowly.

No, that was wrong. That would have been preferable to whatever was happening now. A red hot iron poker would've been better than this torture.

I tried to force my mind to focus on the Volturi. The anger seemed to help, and I hissed mentally at them, and cursed them. They were coming for me, for my family. This was _their_ fault. They did this. They took my choice from me – from us. I had plans and dreams! I had a family! Charlie was supposed to walk me down the aisle at my wedding! Renee was supposed to cry as she gave me her blue and borrowed. I was supposed to donate my eggs! I had plans!

I had dreams!

I would hurt them! I would tear them limb from limb!

In my mind, this seemed very reasonable - as if it could actually happen. As I lay, scorching and in pain, I imagined how I hurt them - how I tore at them all. How I destroyed Aro for making my family fear for their lives. I didn't even consider that I couldn't take him – take them all. In my mind, I took them all down. In my mind, I was invincible.

Mentally, I yelled in anger and victory. I would tear them all apart. I would be unstoppable. I would make them suffer and they would fear me!

The pain changed, and I lost my focus and my hatred shortly, as a new pain soared through me. This had to be was it was like to slowly dissolve in lava.

So much pain. I could hardly bare it. I needed someone to kill me. I needed to kill someone. I needed to be alive and stop the Volturi. I needed Edward.

I couldn't think anymore. So much pain.

Pain. I tried screaming. So much pain. My entire body was in flames. It hurt so much, it was unbearable. How could I be alive? How had this not ended me? It felt like forever.

 _Edward, help me! Kill me!_

The pain got worse. _Kill me!_

For a while, I felt dulled by the pain and the headaches, which felt like they were splitting my skull open. The pain increased once more. I felt like a giant supernova and I couldn't look away from the pain - the brightness of it all blinded me. I was exploding and the very core of _me_ was being torn apart. I wanted to scream.

….

….

….

….

I could hear something: steps. The pain raged on, but this was new. There was a voice. It felt muffled to my ringing ears.

...

The ringing of my entire body slowly subsided, or perhaps I just found a way to look past the pain. The voices started to make sense.

"We can't know until she wakes up."

I tried to move, to break the bonds, but I was still stuck.

Eventually I found that my head was clear from pain, or rather, that my head could think despite the pain. The pain was ever-present, ever burning me. I think my body should be ash now. My body was becoming lighter, I could feel the bonds melt away, but I had enough sense to stay still; I knew I couldn't speak, and I didn't want to scare Edward. I kept my mouth shut, because I knew if I uttered the smallest of things, I wouldn't be able to stop again. I would scream and I would cry, and I couldn't do that to Edward. I endured the continued pain.

It shifted once more. My body was soaring. The pain was moving to my heart.

Now, I started screaming, simply unable to keep it in any longer. Once the first scream was uttered, I was unable to stop. Whatever resolve I'd had was utterly shattered as screams tore through me.

"Bella, you're nearly there!" Edward assured me, his voice painful from hearing my agonized screams. I tried to stop, to shield him from my pain, but I couldn't.

"Listen," someone said. I tried to stop screaming so I could hear what they could hear. Was there a danger? Was someone coming? Snarls broke out – sounds I wasn't even aware I could make. I would tear whoever apart before they hurt my family.

Then I heard it; between the screaming and the snarling was the sound of my own heart. It was beating furiously, like a hummingbird's wings. It was rapid. Faster and faster! I felt my body arc, as my heart soared inside of me. I let out a last, agonized scream, as the final pain shoot intensely through my body. For a moment, there was only my screams and me.

And then: silence. I no longer felt any pain, and I no longer screamed. The beating heart had stopped.

As I registered the silence of my screams and my heart, it occurred to me that there now was a new noise. I could hear _everything_. The wind was dancing with the grass outside; there were birds flying around, and the sound of a something humming. The humming came closer, and I realized it sounded like a fly. My head swirled towards the sound and I saw a fly pass the window. In the window, I saw the reflection of Edward, and I swirled towards him.

"Bella?" Edward. He was perfect, my Edward. I was hugging him before I had decided to, and he hugged me back. A part of me noticed how warm he felt now.

"Not so hard, love," Edward whispered. I let go, instantly. I marveled at my reaction time.

"How strange," I said. My voice sounded unrecognizable to me. "What a strange voice," I continued, listening to my melodic voice. I was distracted by Edward's radiant smirk. "You are so beautiful," I said, equally pleased at the sound of my voice and at the vision in front of me. I had never been that self-absorbent, but right now I just wanted to talk and hear my own voice. It seemed so unreal.

"How are you?" Kate wondered. I zeroed in on her, observing her as a vampire. Before I knew it I had hugged her, grateful for her presence and her help. "Well, she's certainly still immune!" Kate gasped under my hug. I released her and hugged Tanya, Carmen, and Eleazar eagerly, before returning to Edward.

I hadn't replied yet, but Edward distracted me once more. My hand slid around his body, feeling it give way beneath my hands. He had always been hard like stone to me, but now he felt soft. Unthinkingly, I squeezed his butt, and he yelped in surprise.

"How precious!" Carmen laughed. Her Spanish and exotic beauty was enhanced to my eyes.

"I feel so… much," I admitted, while I listened to my own voice. I felt like I could focus on so many things, one of them being my own voice.

"You'll get used to it," Edward assured me. His expression, which had been soft while looking at me, frowned as he briefly glanced at his phone. I growled unthinkingly.

"The Volturi!"I recalled. I growled again, crouching defensively and instinctively. I was scraping my hands over the bed by my side. It gave away beneath my fingers. I wanted to fight.

"Shh, it'll be alright," Edward assured me while grasping my hand and caressing it. He smiled, "We must trust the summer vision Alice had," Edward reasoned.

"But her visions can change," I reminded him. Our story had been a testament to that. A small thing had changed everything; in an instant, our future had been erased.

"Let's not talk about that, now. Are you hungry, Bella?" Irina wondered, as she entered the room. I had almost forgotten her. Automatically, I crushed her in a hug, and they all laughed.

"My throat," I whispered as I released Irina. I touched my throat. It felt like it was on fire. This was the famous bloodlust. It felt like something was stuck in my throat and I tried to clear it, but to no avail.

"Let's hunt!" Edward held out his hand to me, and I took it eagerly. I felt excited. The others laughed and followed us as we sped out of the house. I noticed Irina stayed back, as well as Carmen.

Edward, Eleazar, Tanya, Kate, and I sped with inhuman speed through the park. I laughed out loud at the exhilarating speed.

"I get why you never ran into a tree now!" I yelled unnecessarily. I could hear the others laugh at me. I marveled how I had yet to run into a tree, despite my clumsiness, but I realized my reaction time was so much better, that even if I in some way managed to stumble I would catch myself within milliseconds. But it was not possible. I could never imagine tripping again.

For a while, we ran around, jumped rivers, jumped trees, and made a mess of the forest. At a particular calm river, I caught a glimpse of my own reflection and I stopped. I marveled at my own beauty. I looked so different, and yet so much the same.

It looked like everything was enhanced. My brown hair was _browner_ , and my skin was _smoother_. My eyes were blood red, and I found that I kind of liked it. Somehow, I looked _dangerous_. The others probably didn't think so, but _I_ thought I looked dangerous. _I_ could be a threat. For a moment I recalled the thoughts I had had when I was under my change – I had felt powerful and vicious.

"I look so dangerous," I commented, pleased.

"You're are very dangerous," Tanya teased, giggling. I laughed along with her.

"I feel so invincible!" I admitted.

"Well, I suggest you use it while you can and take out Emmett. He's dying to beat you in a fight," Edward admitted. "I think it's time someone put him in his place." Edward laughed and I giggled delightedly.

I could no longer ignore the burning of my throat, and I eventually stilled.

"What do you hear?" Edward asked me, his eyes almost distracting me. He looked so lovely. I wanted to hug him, to kiss him. I forced myself to listen; there were noises, so many, but my body automatically zoomed in on the edible parts. There was something somewhere not far from us. Bears?

I made a move towards it, but Edward held me back. "The bears have gone into hibernation. We tend to avoid eating them then," Edward explained.

"Why?" I was hungry, and I didn't understand the logic.

"Many female bears have their cubs hibernating as well – we tend to steer clear of mothers. This way, we ensure that the next generation will be around." Edward chuckled at my expression; it was both annoyed and understanding.

"Gaah, I really do want to eat them, but I can see that it would be best not to… They just..." I shook my head, trying to distract myself from their smell.

A different scent hit me and I followed it while the rest of them followed closely behind, observing me. This might've made me uncomfortable, but for a long time I had had vampires watch me eat human food, just because they found it interesting, so I was unfazed now. Far head I saw my prey: mountain lion. I laughed loudly at the idea, and the lion heard me. The mountain lion readied itself and pounced when I was close enough, but I was faster and studier, and I broke its neck easily and drained it.

I felt like a mess, but to my surprise, I hadn't spilled blood. But then again, the thought of spilling delicious blood didn't appeal to me. I wanted it all. I kept sucking, eagerly.

"It's dry, we can find more - though not mountain lions. They're rare..." Edward reminded me. I threw the mountain lion away as if it didn't weigh anything and ghosted through the forest again. The others were scattered around us, finding their own food.

My mouth was filled with venom and I smelled my next prey. One caribou later, I felt disgustingly full.

"How can I even feed this much?" I wondered confused. Kate giggled as she reached us.

"We're not sure, though it probably comes down to venom." Tanya laughed lightly. I simply nodded and we returned to the house.

Being a vampire was overwhelming. I could see everything so clearly and I could do everything so easily.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I was wrong whe I said I understood your hesitance towards me. Only now do I understand," I admitted. The table looked so breakable. Everything looked breakable. I couldn't imagine how easy it could've been for Edward to snap my weak, human neck. How had he even managed not to hurt me?

"Don't worry," Edward replied, and kissed me. I was momentarily distracted and I curved myself around his form, until Edward laughed lightly. I realized my position and let go, although it was with obvious disapproval.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, once more. "When are we going home?" I wondered, curious. I stared out the window, trying to see how far I could see.

"8 days. I'm sorry, Bella. Phil, Renee, and Charlie are there. They're looking for our bodies," Edward apologized. I had forgotten our ruse. Edward and I would be dead to the world, now. I sighed. I felt my heart constrict at the thought of having lost Renee and Charlie. Right now, they would be looking for evidence that their only child had died with her fiancé; it felt very unrealistic.

I had prepared for this for a while, and that was the only reason I wasn't wailing hysterically. We had just seen each other, we had all been happy and we'd left on the best of terms. Our situation, while not perfect, was certainly above and beyond what could've happened.

"Any news?" I wondered, feeling saddened. I watched as our cousins settled into the couches. It seemed unnecessary, but for the sake of testing, I followed suit. Kate laughed lightly at my attempt. I felt rigid and strange.

"You need to feel the couch. Lean into it," Kate taught me. I tried to do what she said, but every motion felt controlled, rather than calm. I leaned back, and again I was rewarded with light laughter, though not cruel.

I had spoken with Edward and his family about their take on human nature. I knew about blinking, breathing and fumbling, but doing it was difficult. Despite having done just those things my _entire_ life, now it felt completely foreign and unknown to me. I tried to busy my hands and blink at the same time, and I might've ended up looking strange.

I kept blinking, and too fast and too often. I let it go, not interested in pretending right now.

"Where's Irina and Laurent?" I wondered. Irina was gone again, and I had yet to see Laurent since my change. The family shared a look.

"Trouble," Carmen muttered. Tanya looked angry. I wondered what had transpired. What had I missed? Kate growled.

"When Irina and Laurent met there was love right away. Laurent was all over Irina to ensure her affection, and she fell for him, hard… We thought they were mates, as you remember when we introduced you," Tanya looked angry as she spoke.

Kate took over explaining. "We really thought they were mates… _Irina_ thought they were mates. But, after Alice's vision it became clear that Laurent might only have been here because we're a big enough coven to protect him - from what, I don't know. With his former coven, he had the protection of the female's gift, and with us our numbers, but the danger of the Volturi has made him fearful. He broke Irina's heart and took off, and Irina is trying to locate him..." Kate ended.

"Oh," I replied blankly. "Poor Irina." From what I remembered, she looked so much in love.

"He tricked her!" Tanya growled angrily.

"We cannot know that." Carmen spoke with a soothing voice, but even I could see the doubt in her eyes.

"It certainly looks like he did," Kate acknowledged, "I have no idea what he's done to feel a need to protect himself to such a degree that he would manipulate a woman into believing they were mates…"

"But why didn't Edward see it?" I wondered, curious. Edward grimaced.

"He's been uncommonly good at either avoiding me, or thinking of something different. I never noticed, because his thoughts were normal, except regarding the family, I realize that now. Whenever his thoughts strayed to our families, his thoughts instantly re-focused on memories from when he was just turned. I never understood the connection until he fled," Edward admitted sourly.

"Are we certain he didn't go to the Volturi, then?" I wondered, anxious. Despite no danger being present, the mere thought made me want to growl.

"Irina followed him when he first left; he said it wasn't him and that he wanted nothing to do with them. He refused to stay, knowing they would come so close," Carmen revealed. I was shocked that he could use Irina so badly - she had truly thought they were mates.

There was no love lost from their side, I could tell, and I worried only for Irina. I hoped she would come home, but I knew their stories. The Denali's had lived for a long time and had been alone equally long, none of them mating. I had no doubt Irina would track down Laurent for more answers, though I worried if she could accept the answers.

"On to something slightly different," Eleazar mused. His intense gaze captured me. "I have trouble sensing you at all, Bella. I wish I knew more about your power. It's obvious that you're a shield of some kind. It feels like you might be shielding Edward a bit…" I looked at Edward and my interlocked hands. "Edward, can you read everyone's thoughts?" I frowned, confused.

"I have no trouble reading your thoughts, except for Bella's, of course," Edward frowned, obviously listening to Eleazar's thoughts.

"What is it?" I wondered, curious.

"You've always been difficult to read, be it your emotions, thoughts or future, but Eleazar is having a difficult time reading my gift," Edward explained. "He wonders if your gift is protecting me… It seems like it."

"Try to let go of Edward," Eleazar asked, and I hesitantly let go. Eleazar smiled and I could tell he could read Edward again. "Well that is certainly interesting," Eleazar grinned. "It will be interesting to see how your gift works once this _thing_ is over…"

"I'm not doing anything on purpose," I assured him. A part of me instantly hoped that whatever was happening would be useful in the coming weeks - or if the hole in Alice's vision was due to me. A growl erupted from somewhere, and I suddenly realized it was from me. I had crouched and was growling angrily into the air. The other stared at me calmly, as if it was expected. I felt embarrassed.

"Sorry," I apologized, realizing that the thoughts of the Volturi was riling me up.

"You're much more lucid than any other newborn vampire I've met," Eleazar admitted, interested. I felt pretty crazy, so I could hardly imagine what kind of newborns he had met.

"Normally, newborns are crazy, right?" I questioned, remembering what I had been told when I was human. Those thoughts felt so far away; like it had happened a long time ago.

"Yes. Though they can be lucid, their reactions are much faster and violent. Imagine blowing up all the time without reason," Eleazar informed me. I considered his words and realized that I _was_ lucid, but not in control. Somewhere, below the surface, an anger lay, threatening to burst forth any minute.

To prove this I once more found myself growling uncontrollably and without conscious decision. I looked at them chagrined, but they merely smiled with humor and understanding. There were no judging eyes amongst them.

"I can't stop thinking about the Volturi," I admitted, frustrated. "Even as I _burned_ , I felt the anger, the fear… The mere thought of them makes me crazy." Edward nuzzled my hand and we settled into the couch. The only good thing about the couch was that I could snuggle into Edward. I wondered if my newborn status meant we could kiss more. As the train of thought continued, so did my caresses. Soon I found myself force-straddling Edward, and kissing him intensely.

Someone was pushing me away, and I snarled and growled, until I realized it was Edward.

"Oh Edward! I'm so sorry!" I wailed hysterically, my mood dipping instantly. The others had subtly left us.

"It's okay, Bella. You are just very strong and this isn't the place or time." Edward smiled at me, and I growled, frustrated with myself, and slumped into his embrace in defeat.

"I can't seem to control myself around you," I admitted, painfully. Even now, as I lay in his embrace, I felt the need for him - a need much more _violent_ and _explosive_ than when I'd been human.

"I like that," he kissed my hair. "Give it - us- time," he asked me. "You've just been turned and everything is really new. You're easily distracted." I nodded, trying to ignore the traitorous thoughts that demanded that we bond now.

I forced the annoyed feeling away, and the growls that had threatened to burst from me in frustration dissipated. I would give us time, of course I would. Right now, I was easily distracted and I wanted to be able to focus on us.

"Let's practice drawing. It will help on your fine motor skills," Edward suggested. He rose fluidly and found the necessary things. Just as fast as I had lost myself in Edward, I now lost myself in drawing, my attention span obviously lacking in my newborn state.

Drawing wasn't easy. I kept destroying the pens and Edward had to take me outside just in time before I blew up utterly. I took it out on the trees, and the ground, smashing and destroying things, until I felt I had gotten the rage out of the system. The rage, though, felt ever-present and never really left me. Not only that, but I could clearly feel the tension coming from my family regarding the Volturi - this alone riled me up.

I knew it was normal to blow up easily, but at the same time, I found it annoying that I would change _just_ because I was now a vampire. I hadn't been violent before – at least not physically – and I refused to be so now. I hated the idea of going bananas over silly little things, and I feared that my temper what my temper would make me do when the Volturi got here. What if I attacked them upon arrival? What if I couldn't control myself, and my actions condemned my family?

I tried to distract myself, but the anger was hard to ignore. I tried to focus on Edward, but that made me remember when we met, and how cruel I had found him. I suddenly felt like punching him, and those thoughts brought me back to lucidity pretty quickly, and I felt utterly guilty for wanting to hurt Edward. He was my one and only - my mate.

"Bella, the fact that you stopped tells a lot about you," Edward reminded me, after having pried the information from me. I had been pretty distraught, my mood taking me from angry to crying within seconds.

"But still! I considered it!" I whined. Didn't he understand how the mere thought of hurting him was _wrong_?

"A clever girl once told me that people rarely act out their thoughts. Judging them for having such thoughts would be wrong," he reminded me. I glared at him for repeating my own, wise words, and then I melted at the sight of him.

We ended up kissing in the snow outside, passionately, until Edward broke it off. I lay, panting on the ground. I had no idea why I was panting, since I didn't need the air, but when I breathed in deeply I could smell him, and he was utterly delicious. I felt high on Edward.

I calmed myself, and my breathing, realizing I was going to jump him again. He seemed to be aware and laughed lightly. I mock-growled in reply.

* * *

I didn't speak with the Cullens until my human family had left. They had left, devastated under the assumption that Edward and I had been killed by vicious animals. On December 12th, exactly a week before Volturi would arrive, the Denali family, Edward, and I gathered and prepared to run back home. Irina met us on the way. I could tell she'd had no luck with Laurent, but she was determined to stay with us through this, so Laurent would wait. I smiled at her in welcome, and I heard her sisters greet her.

The trip barely took half an hour, though it would've taken several by car.

It was utterly exhilarating to run, and Edward and I made it into a game. We were pretty equal, because he was fast, but I was a newborn. The others lagged behind as we tore through the scenery.

Faster and faster. I found myself growling furiously at the competitive sprint with Edward. He laughed at me, and I pushed onward. I growled louder, a massive snarl bursting from my lips. I was ahead of him.

I reached home only seconds ahead, but it was seconds that mattered to me. I had beaten Edward in speed - even though it was only as a newborn. I saw the family ahead of us, and I burst with happiness. Instinctively I crashed into Alice in a massive hug. We flew backwards, but I hardly noticed. I heard her tinkling laugh.

"Alice! I'm so happy to see you!" I yelled at her excitedly. My feelings were soaring. I realized we were on the ground, a large trail leading from where I'd jumped her. I rose, pulling her with me instantly, and I was back at the others, hugging them excitedly, and not hearing her reply.

I started moving around, excitedly, almost running in circles. Edward said something, but I wasn't paying attention, as I was admiring Rosalie. For the human eyes, Rosalie had looked like a goddess, but even with vampire eyes, she was still a goddess to look at.

"You are _so_ beautiful!" I informed her, my tone almost high pitched as I admired her. I was onwards before she could respond. I felt so happy, so energized.

"Wow, she got some energy!" Emmett laughed at me. I hugged him tightly, making him gasp and beg me to let go. I laughed and left him standing, almost wheezing.

"Ready to be beaten by the newborn?" I laughed at Emmett as I slipped past him. I hugged Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper just as eagerly.

"I can't even control her," Jasper said. I realized he was talking about me. I tried to calm myself, but it was impossible. I wailed in frustration and my mood changed to somber in an instant.

"How did they take it?" I wailed, wondering about Charlie and Renee. I didn't miss the looks they all shared.

"Well, we lost a child, too," Carlisle said regrettably. "They were as you'd expect them." Carlisle sent me an apologetic smile, and I nodded vaguely in return. "Everything regarding your account and such things are set into motion, and in a month's time, they should receive all of your things, including money. As you know, I've added a sum of money each month for a while, so your family will have a bit. I also drew a solid life-insurance at the fake company we pretended you worked at, so this will leave them more money… There are also the fake grants."

I knew money wasn't everything, but the idea that they would make their road a bit easier made me happy. I knew they'd receive my laptop soon, and in it, they would find my diaries – diaries I had created on Esme's suggestion to give them some closure.

"Thank you, Carlisle." My tone was subdued, as was my mood. I hugged him, trying to focus on not squeezing the life out of him.

"You are welcome, Bella." Carlisle sent me a soft, loving smile. "I've spoken with Billy Black on the phone again. He knows. We informed him about the Volturi, but they won't join us, nor should they risk themselves…" Carlisle said.

I saw the flaw immediately, of course, "But you said Aro will know everything at a touch. Won't he know about the wolves?" I questioned. I was calming down, now. Edward was by my side, soothing me. I tried to keep my focus. We were talking about my parents, my presumed death, and stupid wolves - it was no time to get aroused.

"Yes, but they were adamant. This is not their war," Carlisle explained. We moved inside and I slid into the couch eagerly, hoping to snuggle with Edward. The couch skidded across the floor, leaving marks along the floor.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry, Esme," I whispered, horrified at my lack of care.

"Don't worry, my dear," Esme kissed the top of my head, mothering me. "If this house still stands in a month I should be very surprised." Esme laughed and the sound distracted me, which led me to be distracted by the sounds my family made. It was fascinating to observe them as a vampire and compare them to what I remembered as a human.

* * *

The last week leading up to the visit from the Volturi was utterly tense. I was a mess; either I was utterly horny, utterly sad, happy, frustrated- I went through all of the emotions, sometimes in just a minute. I felt pretty crazy, but everyone said that they had been much worse, and that generally I was _tame_ for a vampire. I didn't get this, and I certainly couldn't imagine anyone being worse.

I tried to control myself, but it was to no avail. The closer the date got the more tense I got. We tried working with my shield, but it was a lost cause, because I couldn't focus.

Though Alice tried to scout ahead, she couldn't see past the cut-off, which meant her ability started to work less and less, since the cut-off was coming closer and closer. Carlisle, Esme, and Carmen insisted we had to trust the good vision of summer, but Alice was doubtful, and when did you ever bet against Alice?

We were all tense, and Edward broke down three days before, and asking if I wanted to spend some alone time. I felt tense, and alone time seemed like a great idea. I knew Edward was scared - as was I. He, however, could see what Alice saw, and he was getting more and more worried.

Our cousins allowed us to use their home for our alone time, and we sped there in silence.

We had barely entered the house when Edward turned to me and grabbed me. He pulled me close to him and kissed me passionately. Despite being surprised by this, I nonetheless kissed him back - eagerly.

"I know I said we should wait - just until there's not so much chaos… But-" Edward fell silent, his eyes silently conveying his emotions. He wanted to fulfil our bond. The eagerness spread from the grin on my face, down to my belly which felt filled with butterflies, and all the way down to my toes.

"I love you," I whispered and pulled him closer to me.

Our lovemaking was passionate, desperate, and untamed. This had been so long under way, and it was beyond pleasurable to finally touch him - all of him. It was fascinating and liberating to have him moan under my touch, just as he had moaned under his own.

The room was trashed, not an inch spared. Our bodies clashed, our hands dug into each other's flesh. It was needy, it was desperate, it was utterly fulfilling. We felt whole.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," Edward revealed.

"I get why you were waiting… Everything seems so breakable…" I shook my head, chuckling lightly. "Ever since I first saw _you_ , I've wanted to touch you…" I glanced down at his naked body, already feeling needy again.

* * *

We couldn't stay for long - no more than almost a day. It was enough to get our needs momentarily controlled. Knowing that I'd finally _had_ him, I couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. When we reached home, Emmett teased us, but I was calm, calm as an ocean. Unfortunately, it didn't last for long, and as the dreaded day neared, we all got more and more tense.

"Should we stay here?" Carlisle wondered, referring to inside the house.

"Alice saw us outside, near the woods," Kate argued.

"Urgh!" Alice growled, clearly failing at seeing the future. I was starting to lose my sanity, despite Edward's nearness. I was wailing in worry, unable to express myself otherwise. I felt like I could think, but my mouth and brain didn't work together. Edward tried to calm me.

"We should keep Bella back. She's too unstable." Jasper motioned to me. It was true. I wanted to come with them, but I worried I would do something drastic and ruin everything. I was so easily influenced, and the mere thought of the Volturi sent me into a frenzy. "Alice never mentioned she saw Bella out there," Jasper added. Alice's vision seemed to come together nicely, but I didn't like this.

"I wish I could come," I admitted. I didn't like separating from Edward, and I wished I could be stable enough to stand by them.

"Alice never saw you with us when we meet the Volturi," Edward reminded me. He was trying to calm me down by caressing my back. It didn't help.

"If they're here to acquire we need to stay calm, and we need Jasper's help. He can't focus with you around, you take too much energy from him," Carlisle said calmly. I felt guilty for being such an emotional wreck. I knew they were right. The moment I saw _them_ I feared what I might try to do. I seemed to lose my rational thought whenever I thought of the Volturi, so seeing them would make me go berserk. I would ruin everything.

"Why do we follow Alice's vision? Why don't you and Jasper go alone?" I wondered, curious.

"Alice saw we were all there," Esme explained.

"We can't trust Alice's visions blindly. Mistakes were made before…" My tone was soft, and I referred to Edward and me. Alice was far from infallible, she had said so herself numerous time.

"Bella is right. Something is wrong, I can't see…" Alice said, "I have no idea what will happen. We've been over this." I was obviously missing quite a few discussions that had occurred while I was in Denali.

"We all decided we won't join them, that we'll decline any offer. You saw us all together in the summer, despite our decision. We follow through, decline their offers, and we go home. Everything will be well," Emmett argued logically. It sounded so simple when it came from him.

"Aro won't hurt us. Both Eleazar and I are old friends with them," Carlisle was certain. "We have to go out there together, to show we have nothing to hide. They know who we are, most likely. We must play with open cards. Bella, you _must_ stay here," Carlisle warned me. I could do that, though I seriously disliked it. "Besides, we have no choice in this. If we don't play with open cards we'll condemn ourselves…"

"Can't Edward stay, too?" I whimpered pathetically. I already knew the answer. Edward's gift was needed, now especially. I knew that I couldn't come, and I knew that Edward couldn't stay, but it was hard not to voice it, and it was hard not to sound whiny. My newborn state was making me act irrational, and it was really frustrating, which was making me growl. I forced myself to keep calm.

"We need him," Esme patted me comfortingly. "Don't worry, Bella. It will be alright." I couldn't help but feel calm by her voice.

With minutes until the Volturi arrived, I started to feel agitated. I was getting more and more tense, and the worst part was that my newborn mind couldn't handle it, and I shifted wildly between emotions.

We were fearful, but with Alice's unable to see we were forced to rely on her earlier visions.

Edward kissed me passionately before they all sped out of the house. I listened to them run, hearing them just as easily as if I was with them myself.

A hundred yards away they stopped. I could hear them moving amongst themselves. I worried, but I tried to stay calm, and lucid. The last thing I wanted was to go berserk and ruin whatever happened out there - and prove that I really shouldn't be out there with them.

The silence stretched, but suddenly I heard a light, thumping sound, and I realized it was the sound of several vampires running synchronized across the plains. I wished I had Edward's ability, so I could see what they saw, and I closed my eyes, focusing on listening. The sound rose as they neared. And then they stopped.

"Carlisle, my friend." There was an insincere pleasantness to the voice. In my mind, I matched the voice with an equally insincere smile. I tried to keep in the involuntary snarl, but I was too slow and I had snarled before I could control myself. There was the briefest of pauses. I could hear snow crunched beneath feet. I realized most likely Aro wanted to touch Carlisle for information.

"Aro, friend," Carlisle greeted him. I wasn't sure if they'd heard me or not, but I vowed to stay silent. I pressed my lips firmly together, focusing on the task Carlisle had asked of me: stay back, stay silent. I would not destroy our feeble chance of survival.

"It's quite a gathering you have," Aro replied. I listened closely.

"This is my family. My wife and mate, Esme. Our children Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett. Alice and Jasper. Our cousins Tanya, Irina, Kate, and Carmen and Eleazar," Carlisle introduced easily. I could just imagine how he smiled his kind and unassuming smile as he introduced the family.

"You mean coven," another voice corrected, rudely. I felt the anger rise in me, but I pushed it down.

"No, family," Esme's voice rang sure and I felt calm and loved. "We're bound by love and by our shared vision," Esme said.

"Vision?" Aro stretched the words and I got the distinct impression that he had wanted to say something else. I wished I could see what he looked like. I remembered vaguely a portrait in Carlisle's study back at Forks.

"You know my way of life. These are people who share that idea," Carlisle explained. His tone was unassuming and kind.

"That is ridiculous. All of you: denying your true nature. It makes you _weak_!" The other person growled. I found myself following the growl, but very quietly. I was sure they didn't hear me.

"Peace, Caius," Aro asked, his voice almost amused. "One of you are missing," Aro observed. I bit my lip, begging that he wouldn't demand that I come outside. I truly feared that I would destroy our chances. I don't think I could be calm. I would be every bit the newborn vampire that I was.

"Bella, Edward's mate, is in the house," Carlisle said clearly, not hiding anything.

"And she is not here, why?" Aro wondered in an almost sing-song voice.

"She's a newborn," Carlisle said. Aro must've known this, so Carlisle must've said it for the sake of the others, for the sake of the guard. I felt like we were judged already, as if this was just for show. It scared me, because it meant I couldn't imagine how we would get out of it alive.

"Yes. And your son Edward courted her as a human," Aro said almost pleasantly, as if he'd known all along. Had he known? For how long? Had be run into anyone when we traveled? Edward would surely have noticed if there were other vampires following us.

"Despicable!" Caius growled.

"Our reports tell of this human," Aro continued, not acknowledging Caius. There was a growl, and I swore I recognized it was Edward's. What did he hear? Aro continued, undisturbed. "And her family. Humans. You've put our world at risk, Carlisle…"

"Her family knows nothing. And, as you saw in my mind, they now believe her to be dead… It's safe," Carlisle reasoned.

"But it was a chance," Caius pointed out. I tensed. "Enough of this, Aro!"

"Aro, I am surprised that you've came here yourselves… Had you sent a scout, we would've cleared this within minute…" Carlisle spoke, calmly. I was amazed at his ability to be calm and steady.

"Carlisle, friend. We've received disturbing information that you're planning to attack us." If I hadn't known better, I would've believed Aro's sincere and pained voice. Perhaps he truly believed we were planning something? Or perhaps he thought the rest of us would be shocked and think that Carlisle had plans behind our back, and then join the Volturi willingly? Or perhaps he was doing it for his guards - giving them a show? Manipulating them?

"I can assure you, Aro, my _family_ and I have no interest in what you do – you know that since you touched me. We just want peace," Carlisle said simply. But it was futile, and even I could hear that. The Volturi knew Carlisle's dream of helping people, there was simply no way he'd be interested in govern the vampire world. I felt frustrated with the lack of honest communication.

"Our reports say otherwise. I'm afraid we will have to disband you," Aro continued easily, ignoring the point about Aro being able to read Carlisle's thoughts. For a brief moment I felt a flicker of relief. We could pretend to disband, right? This would explain Alice's vision of summer.

Carlisle must've seen the same, for he said, "If that is your will. We will no longer live together, then," Carlisle acknowledged.

"Perhaps if some of your coven joined us? Eleazar, you and Carmen have always been welcome. And I dare say, Alice and Jasper, too. Even Edward and your newborn can join us!" Aro suggested generously.

Something was happening. I could feel it deep inside of me. Something was _wrong_. This must be his attempt at acquiring which Eleazar mentioned.

"Make her stop!" Edward's voice was rough as he spoke, and I hissed, fearful of what was happening. Who was doing what? What was happening? I wanted to ask, but I had promised to be silent. If I spoke up, Aro might demand that I come outside, and I knew I would probably end up being very _uncivilized._

"Aro, we only want peace. You've read my mind - you know we've done nothing to deserve this…" Carlisle's voice was almost quiet.

"Yes, old friend," Aro agreed, sighing as he spoke. "You're a good man…" Aro's sentence ended with a sigh.

Sudden yells and screams broke out. I recognized Edward's and Carlisle yelling. I was undecided on what to do, since I had been told to stay. The screams and the yelling continued. I could hear Edward and it pained me.

"Aro- ARO. ENOUGH!" Carlisle begged. I pressed against the wall, trying to understand what went on. I felt terrified, utterly scared. I wanted to help, but I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, since I had no idea what went on.

And then Carlisle screamed. A screamed filled with such pain that I couldn't bare it. I had risen in less than a second when the scream was cut off, brutally and with a tearing sound.

I stilled in horror at the implication, and then I ran. I burst straight through the wall.

I was outside in a second, and ahead of me I saw the terror. And suddenly I understood why Alice's vision had kept cutting off, becoming black. Her head was separated from her body. There lay my entire vampire family, in pieces. I found Edward immediately and to my horror I saw his head was torn from his body, as well as limbs. I wailed a high pitched scream in shock and utter pain.

Ahead of me stood Aro. He was tall, almost regal in his stance. His eyes observed me as I came to a standstill. In his hands was a head - Carlisle's head.

"Ahh, Isabella." My name rolled off his tongue. "Kill her," Aro commanded calmly, sporting a serene smile.

And then I saw red. I didn't care if I would die, but I would take Aro out.

I sprinted across the field, murder in my mind and my vision red from anger, pain and hatred.

* * *

 **Please have faith in my story. Don't freak out – there are many chapters to go…**


	28. Aro's secrets

Thank you so much for your reviews, they really made me happy. I worried when I posted the last chapter that you would freak out on me :P

Thanks for being awesome

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 **Chapter 28 – Aro's secrets**

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Could vampires go into shock?

I fell to my knees.

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There was a haze in my mind, making it difficult to focus. I felt confused. Somehow, it felt like a dream. Only, I was a vampire, and vampires didn't dream. In fact, as a vampire, being confused seemed almost impossible with the amount of brainpower available to me.

I shouldn't even feel tired.

And yet, tired was what I felt. Confused was what I was. Perhaps it was because my entire being was trying to _lock_ something away – something unpleasant.

I felt like I had run a marathon, and now I was drained. I wanted to lie down and sleep; I wanted to lie down and forget. My body, though, did not move and obey me, and I didn't have enough strength to tip to the side and let gravity pull me down.

I continued sitting on my knees, staring lifelessly into the open fields.

The world had stopped.

I heard the weather change, and the wind picked up. I heard the snow beginning to drift, the light wind whistling in the trees not far from me. Critters were scattered around me, making noise as they gathered food.

The world hadn't stopped, only _my_ world had.

It felt like a warzone, but it looked nothing like it. There were no screams, smoke, or absolute gore, and the bodies all resembled dolls rather than actual beings. The actual war had been silent and short.

Eventually, the haze slowly lifted. My eyes slowly drifted across the ground. My chest made an involuntary spasm as I spotted Edward. I started wailing - I almost sounded like a banshee, perfectly synchronized with the wind. I felt pain and grief burst through my body, making me quiver violently. I tried to look away, to deny the pain, but it was impossible. Trembling took over my entire body as I slowly came to my senses.

"Ed-" I wailed loudly, unable to complete the sentence. The snow was falling hard, already covering all the bodies. "EDWARD!" I screamed. The sobs came from deep within me; it felt as if my body couldn't handle the amount of pain and sobbing, so I shook violently as they tried to escape from my body. For every sob, I felt my entire being break little by little.

Edward's lifeless body was not reacting. I located his head and feebly tried to put it back on his body. His eyes stared back at me, unresponsive. I wailed more. I had never known such pain before, and I almost wished I was human, so that I might be able to faint, or anything that might take my mind from this. It felt unbearable. I'd never felt so alone in my life, as if someone had picked me up and dumped me on a remote planet.

The Volturi had murdered my family, my beautiful family. Now I understood why Alice's vision cut off: she was dead.

All of my family had their heads torn off. Some had limbs as well. As much as it hurt seeing Carlisle and Esme's headless bodies, nothing ripped me apart as seeing Edward's torn body. My entire being shivered in absolute pain as if my inside had been torn out of me. As if, someone had taken the very essence of me, and shredded it. I wailed high-pitched again.

Day turned to night, and eventually I gathered myself enough pull my family's broken bodies to the side.

I clutched their body parts close to me, as I tried to move around. Carmen, poor, lovely Carmen, had lost her head and arm, while Eleazar had lost both arms and one leg, besides his head.

I found a hand. It was Aro's. I growled angrily and then wailed disconsolately again.

* * *

As time passed, the pieces of the puzzle were starting to click together and make sense in my mind. The haze had finally fully lifted.

I had burst through the wall, only to be greeted by the sight of my slaughtered family, and Aro with Carlisle's head in his hands.

" _Ahh… Isa-beeeeella…" My voice had rolled off Aro's tongue calmly, almost pleasantly. "Kill her."_

I had never felt so angry. A deep rumble had burst from me in a massive snarl, as Aro had told his guards to kill me. I refused to die! My transformation into a vampire was stained by fear, pain, and anger towards the Volturi. Now, I recalled those emotions with perfect clarity, and I felt high and invincible.

My vision became tinted red as the bloodlust tore through my entire being. I felt as if it's was the Universe's bloodlust, and I was merely the vessel; so much power, so much anger!

I saw my shield flex before me, encompassing me. It had been what kept me safe from Edward's, Alice's, and Jasper's ability, and now I was safe from the Volturi's Alec and Jane, whose abilities seemed to be trying to hurt me. Aro hadn't been discouraged, and his strongest assailants had tried to attack me physically.

It happened instinctively, as if I had known all along how my gift worked. A part of my shield bounced off me, latched onto Alec, and twisted and trapped Alec with his own ability. As a large vampire tried to tackle me, I forcibly added my shield to him as well, capturing him with Alec, effectively stunning them both forcibly using Alec's gift, but still keeping myself separated.

Upon realizing that I could twist my gift to trap them with their own power, I added more and more vampires, until they were all subdued. I acted speedily, both fearful and pumped on the bloodlust. I tore off the physical attacker's head, and I tore off the rest of the guards' as well. Neither Marcus nor Caius noticed when I ripped their heads off, leaving only Aro and Alec within my inverted shield. I wished I had known my gift better – I had wanted to prolong Caius's pain.

As Alec fell, I lost the use of his numbing ability, and Aro was released from the subdued prison that was Alec's gift.

"What-?" Aro's voice had been fearful as he realized I stood behind him, while his entire guard lay destroyed in front of him, as well as his brothers. I wanted to know why he had done what he had, so I twisted my shield to include Aro. I had only just touched him when I experienced the consequences of unthinkingly reversing the shield on Aro and with myself included. His years of knowledge poured into my head and I screamed in horror and in shock at the mental images came speeding through my mind. I was overwhelmed.

Aro used my momentary distraction and he tried to get away, but I was faster and ripped his head off, before I fell to the ground, screaming endlessly from the memories that were threatening to drown me. There were so many memories within Aro's mind. So much information was passed on within the few seconds I had touched him, and it was more than I could handle. Only my immortality kept me sane and alive.

I had killed them all, all of the Volturi who had come to us today. I had slaughtered them ruthlessly. My plan had worked, and I had taken Aro's gift and seen all he had seen, and I saw what he had planned. The downside was that my plan had worked _too_ well, effectively drowning me mentally.

I had fallen desolately to the ground, pained by the loss of my world, and unable to cope with the mental onslaught of Aro's memories.

* * *

In the middle of the night, the snow had turned to rain. I had gathered the remains of my family to the side, while the Volturi burned in the large fire I had created. I watched dispassionately as the purple flames danced as the Volturi turned into ash.

Eventually, the fire died out and the rain turned to snow once more. I felt like a snowman, so much snow had fallen; or perhaps I had been still for too long. Had I been still for hours or days? How many times had it been night?

I was no longer sure and nor did it matter. I returned to the house. My family lay spread out inside the house. I laid their torn off limbs by their bodies. They looked like human sized dolls that needed assembly. I hadn't been able to burn them – the pain was too great.

I was lost in Aro's world. I had used his ability on himself, and it was a mistake, as I felt like I was drowning in his memories. The little information I now knew about Aro's gift, was that the more Aro touched people, the more he saw. While I had only touched Aro for seconds, that had felt like hours to a vampire, and the amount of memories had been immense – too much to deal with.

The only good part was that I now knew what had happened. Through Peter and Charlotte, an innocent chance encounter, Aro had found out about Carlisle's large family. I was distraught to gather the truth from Aro's mind.

As with many wars and fights, _this_ fight was all about jealousy, too. As simple as jealousy seemed, I knew from Aro's mind that it was very complicated. It was almost hard to keep track of the emotions Aro had recalled feeling, but what stood out the most was the burning hatred, born from centuries' long jealousy.

Aro had spent the majority of his life in Volterra. He loved the power his position gave him, and he reveled in feeling important, he reveled in being a ruler. Meeting Carlisle had been a captivating experience. Aro had been entertained and curious by the then young vampire. It had been interesting to see Carlisle's life and ideals through his mind, and Aro had enjoyed Carlisle's stay at the beginning.

Slowly, Carlisle's dreams and ideals became _antics_ to Aro, and he became bored with the notion. Aro tried to convert Carlisle into drinking from humans; it would be a testament to the power of human blood, but also a way to stomp down the younger vampire's _antics._

All attempts at conversion failed, as Carlisle resisted easily. Any argument was easily be won by Carlisle, who backed his arguments with science, while Aro preferred to win debates due to the subservience of his opponent, but it failed with Carlisle, who had either been too stupid, naïve, or both to recognize where his place had been – according to Aro. Aro had been used to the fear vampires displayed when meeting with him; he was used to not being challenged, and he _liked_ not being challenged. What was the point of a democracy, when you could have a dictatorship?

The biggest lie the vampire world was under, was the idea that the Volturi were _good_. They upheld the law, but only because it served themselves.

While Aro and Carlisle had parted with a smile, Aro had been fuming - cursing the weak animal drinker for constantly undermining him. With his vast mind, Aro couldn't hide the truth from himself, and he knew that what threatened him the most was that Carlisle's ideas threatened Aro's own ideas and way of life.

As with all vampires, change was hard. Some vampires were more susceptible to change than others were, but Aro absolutely loathed change. He had a very fixed idea of how the world was, and how it should be.

For a while, Carlisle was forgotten, but reports here and there slowly made their way to Aro. At first, he had cared little for any news, until it became blatantly obvious that others seemed to follow Carlisle's lead.

Aro had spent years trying to find someone like Chelsea, and his rule consisted solely on the fact that Chelsea bound vampires' loyalty to him.

However, once more, Carlisle proved to be superior to Aro. Instead of a coven, he had a _family_ , and instead of fighting, they _loved_ , and it was all possible because Carlisle was a _natural leader_.

While Aro fought for his leadership, vampires seemed to flock to Carlisle automatically.

His _kindness_ , his _goodness_ , his _humanity_ , made Aro hate him even more. Slowly, he found Carlisle to be an abomination, a threat to the ways of the vampire world. Aro felt that what Carlisle stood for was a mockery to Aro and his way of life.

The last drop came upon hearing that I, as a human, had been with the Cullens. Like Alice had said: I had been the excuse, not the reason. The centuries' long-held hatred and jealousy Aro had nurtured towards Carlisle had been unleashed, and plans set into motion. Aro couldn't handle the threat Carlisle posed to Aro's personal ideas and ideals, and he told himself that Carlisle was a threat to the vampire world as well. Carlisle's way of life meant that others might convert into drinking animals, and that would make the Volturi obsolete.

Of course, none of that was true. It was only an argument used to persuade Caius and Marcus into joining his private crusade. In reality, Aro just wanted to remove that which made him angry and jealous. Most importantly, Carlisle made Aro feel _old_ and out of pace with the rest of the world. Carlisle made Aro feel _stupid_ and _lost_ in the modern age. Aro detested it.

Aro detested knowing that he himself had no actual power. He wasn't a natural leader like Carlisle, and he wasn't charismatic. All his power came from the vampires he had forcibly bound to him, and without _them,_ he would be weak and alone. His hatred blinded him, and he sought to eradicate that which did not fit into his world.

Carlisle Cullen didn't fit into Aro's world, nor did his vegetarian family.

Caius had been easy to persuade - he liked destruction veiled as justice. Marcus didn't care, and the guards did what they were told. He could've sent guards to do it all for him, but he wanted to watch. He didn't tell Carlisle the truth, but that was because Aro refused to put himself in a position where he had to admit a weakness.

There was so much information, so many memories. Sometimes I felt like I was going to keel over, and I often ended up locking everything away in the back of my mind. I only looked for specific things regarding their visit, such as the reasons for it and how much he knew about the family, but all else was put away, as I couldn't handle focusing on it – there was simply too much

"You were wrong, Alice, there's no summer," I whispered quietly. I wished I could make everything better, but all the powers I had, disappeared once their owner died. My gift, though powerful, could only borrow while the owner was alive, not steal permanently.

* * *

The house was quiet. I lay on the floor with the remains of my family scattered around me. I felt so lifeless. I wondered if I could die like this. I wished I had kept a guard alive to kill me.

* * *

I stared unseeingly at Edward's hand. If I looked at it just right, I could almost imagine that it was attached to his body and that he was alive. I held his hand, but it felt wrong. Still, I closed my eyes and tried to pretend.

* * *

I stared blindly at Edward's head. It lay not far from me. His eyes stared lifelessly into mine. I started sobbing. I reached over to close his eyes, unable to handle the pain. As I did so, a thought hit me.

What if I put them back together? Venom healed, after all. I'd heard of stories where vampires got hurt but their venom healed them. Jasper said that he had once lost an arm, but it was re-attached.

Something I had never considered occurred to me: to kill a vampire, you must burn the pieces. Did this mean that dismemberment wasn't enough to kill a vampire? Even if it was their head?

Was Alice right, after all? Was there really a summer for us all? I suddenly felt excited and exuberant.

Suddenly, I felt as if I had a purpose.

A new feeling spread through my body: hope. I took all of the pieces of my family to the attic, where I spread them out. I found duct tape and used it to keep their body parts together. It took hours, perhaps even days, to ensure that it stayed together, and in the correct place, too.

Then I waited. I waited for their venom to heal them, but nothing seemed to happen. Perhaps the venom wasn't there, or it wasn't moving, since the veins had been cut off? I tried to focus, unable to bear the thought of losing them.

I spent a lot of time trying to sort through Aro's memories, and seeing if there was something about venom. Unfortunately, Aro ruled not via science and discovery, but through feelings, which sole purpose was to make him feel grand and important. If something had occurred, that he didn't like, Aro preferred to ignore it. It had been true when I was told that Aro simply ignored the evidence that claimed the opposite of what he believed it, and none of this was helping me now, as he had seemed to refuse to explore paths that didn't lead to the answer he wanted. It also meant that I now distrusted the any evidence that _didn't_ oppose Aro's view.

It was chaos in my mind due to Aro's vast life and memories. It was hard to find heads or tails in any of it. I decided to ignore the memories.

I tried to donate my own venom on Edward's neck, but it had no effect.

"You just need time!" I informed my family hysterically. They lay before me, like taped up rag-dolls. "I'll make you better," I whispered crazily. I was sure that I could do this. They would get better! Alice had seen us in the summer, so they had to get better!

I ignored the whispers in the back of my mind that reminded me that Alice could be wrong.

* * *

So far, I had managed to ignore my thirst, simply because I had been preoccupied. However, as I found myself less and less mentally stable, and my strength seemed to vane, I decided I had to no choice but to go hunt.

Snow was falling around me, and I quickly located the closest forest near me, so that I wouldn't have to go far from my family. I felt crazed with thirst, but at the first smell of food, the venom had pooled in my mouth, and I had sprinted back to my family, unable to waste the venom. I licked Edward's wounds, trying to add as much venom as possible.

"You just need a bit more!" I insisted. From the cupboards, I found various containers to gather the venom. I hoped it wouldn't break through.

I went hunting a second time. The blood of my prey made the venom flow, perhaps even more so because I was a newborn. I gathered my venom in the containers I'd brought, and then I ate a few animals.

An idea occurred to me, and I killed a few animals and gathered their blood, which I planned to share with my family. Surely, this would help them. They had venom and blood – everything they needed to wake up. They just needed sustenance, and then they would be fine!

"You'll get better!" I whispered with a promise, as I poured down blood into their throats. The blood leaked out from their torn necks. I added my venom to the torn places, in hopes that it would close the wounds - seal the body parts together. The only effect the venom had was on the duct tape, which seemed to lose its adhesive qualities.

* * *

I told myself that in order to get well, my family needed venom and blood – probably in large quantities and often.

I was collecting more venom and blood on a hunt, when I spotted another hunter. I had killed the Volturi because I had numbed them with a gift I had borrowed, but without a power, I couldn't fight. I had never learned to fight, and all I had was my newborn power, which was nothing against a trained vampire. Not only that, but I didn't eat often myself, as I was usually too focused on bringing food and venom back to my family, so I was weak for a newborn. I tried to be careful, hoping to avoid detection. My hopes were futile.

"You there!" A strong female voice called out to me and I involuntarily stopped. A pair of blood-red eyes met mine. She was a vampire, obviously, but what stood out the most was her cape – it was a Volturi cape. It was deep black and the Volturi crest was sewn on it with golden thread. I wanted to know more about her, but I was scared what would happen if I opened the floodgates to Aro's memories. There was so much, and I often ended up spacing out due to the sheer amount and intensity.

"Hello," I finally said. I worried how many guards were back at Volterra. Would they come for me? Would they realize the truth and kill us all for good?

The vampire strode purposefully towards me and said, "I'm looking for someone." Her manners made me think that she didn't perceive me as a threat, so I expanded my shield and opened up to feel her gift. I felt content, strangely. Whatever she did reminded me of Jasper. It occurred to me how stupid that had been: what if she had been like Jane? I would've tortured myself.

I would be more careful next time, I reminded myself. I couldn't afford to take chances as my family was relying on me. Without me, they would have no hope of getting better.

"Oh?" I wondered, pretending not to have done anything. I let her gift touch me; I made her believe I was calm and posing no threat to her. I had no idea how I did it, but in my mind's eye I saw my shield drop to allow her gift to touch me. I wanted to explore, but now was not the time. It distracted me.

"Yes. Your masters - the Volturi; they were last heard to have travelled these parts." Her red eyes bore into mine. I forced myself to be utterly calm, lest she feel the spikes in my mood.

"I heard something," I admitted. "I was out hunting a few nights ago and heard commotion." My eyes were still red from being a newborn, so I could easily pass for a regular human drinking vampire. I just hoped she didn't wonder about what I was doing in the forest with empty glass flasks.

"Nights ago?" She looked skeptically at me. "They were in these parts almost two months ago," she said. I stared at her, almost uncomprehending. Had it been so long? Had I lost that much time?

"I didn't notice," I admitted truthfully. The woman didn't mind, it seemed. I assumed regular vampires rarely kept track of time. This guard had a very good gift; if I could harness it, I could ensure our safety. The only problem was that I would lose it once she died. What if I kept her alive? If I cut off her legs and arms, but kept her alive? I could feed her and make sure she didn't die…

Surprisingly the idea wasn't as disgusting to me as it probably should be. My need to protect my family overwhelmed any disgust and worry I might've felt from inflicting harm on others.

I let my shield envelope her and then I made her feel calm with her own gift. It wasn't like Jasper's gift, I realized. This woman's only gift was to feel content, happy with any situation, no other emotions. I pressed it over her tightly, and she ended up staring into nothingness, as if she was lost in a sea of utter serenity.

I tore off her limbs and she wailed, but I dosed her with more of her own gift, and she silenced.

At home, I burned her legs and arms, just to be safe, and then I laid her on the couch. I stared at her, contemplating my situation. I needed to know what went on, and how many guards I could expect to be snooping around.

"ARGH!" The female vampire wailed angrily and she snarled as I pulled my inverted shield from her. The calm she had been under dissipated, leaving her aware and furious.

"Be quiet," I commanded, unemotionally.

"Who are you? Do you have any idea who _I_ am?!" She was snarling again.

"No, I don't. I'd appreciate if you'd tell me…" My tone and reply, which was calm and polite, startled her, obviously not understanding why I had hurt her when I had no idea who she was.

"I'm Corin," Corin replied, angrily. "I'm a member of the Volturi guard. You'd be best served if you gave me back my limbs!"

"I burned them," I explained, unapologetically.

"What?!" She screeched, shocked. "When the Masters hear of this-"

"The "Masters" are dead." I cut her off, and she stared at me wide-eyed. A part of me couldn't help but suddenly giggle. I must've looked utterly mad to her, but as she lay there, on the couch, with no arms and legs, she resembled a potato. The laughter died out at the look Corin was sending me: she looked utterly shocked and terrified. I felt disconnected to the reality – this was a being whose limbs I had torn off, and yet I could feel no remorse.

"No-" She denied, quietly.

"Yes."

"Who are you?" She seemed anxious now.

"Part of the coven your masters came to destroy," I told her, observing her reaction. With my enhanced vision, I was able to catch the small frown on her face.

"Do you know who we were?" I wondered, curious.

Corin shook her head. "No, no I -," She fell silent. "Are you with the Romanians?" It seemed Aro kept his plans to destroy my family quiet, less we found out – possibly through Alice.

"Yes," I replied, lying. Telling her that I apparently murdered them all myself seemed on the border of disbelief. Besides, fake associates might come in handy.

"I- I have to go back!" Corin whispered, horrified. "Please!" Corin seemed truly upset, which surprised me.

"Why?"

"The wives! They're alone. They'll be killed. You got what you wanted: the Romanians taking over Volterra. Please spare the wives!" Corin's voice was frantic. I wanted to find out more about the wives, but I had no time to be overpowered by Aro's memories now.

"What was your job?" I wondered, curious.

"I took care of the wives. I wasn't important- I promise!" Corin promised me, insistently. I considered her words, wondering how she took care of the wives, and whether or not she was as important as she claimed.

"How did you take care of the wives?" I asked, curious. "With your ability?" Her eyes widened. She must've assumed I had the same ability as hers, since I could subdue her. I had felt her try to use her ability against me, but I kept my shield up and I was untouched. I gently eased up on Corin ability, and rather than drown her in calm, I let her be just calm enough to be compliant.

"Yes… My job is to ensure that Sulpicia and Athenodora are content…" Corin fell silent, and I frowned. Why wouldn't they be content?

"Why wouldn't they be content?" As I spoke the words, the answer came to itself. Aro loved power, but he hated the restrictions that came with it, such as the danger.

"They stay, mostly, locked up in Volterra…" Corin replied, as if the rest was obvious. Her voice seemed subdued. "Caius and Aro wanted to protect them – but it made the wives sad and it made them feel like prisoners. When Aro found me, he used me to keep the wives happy…" Her voice was dull, now, and I tried to ease up on her gift again. It was hard controlling it.

"Did you use it on other people?" I wondered.

"I used it often," Corin replied, dozily. She seemed almost drunk, but I had a hard time controlling her gift. At least I got answers.

"Anyone specific? Who were your primary targets?" I insisted.

For a second, Corin seemed to drool. "The wives," she whispered, almost too quietly. "And Chelsea."

Chelsea? Wasn't she the one who did something with bonds? "Chelsea?"

"She has the ability form and break bonds between vampires – except between mates. Aro wanted to ensure she didn't leave, so he had me keep her content…" Corin sighed, almost oblivious to the outside world now. I let her dissipate into her own happy bubble by using her ability on herself fully.

I could easily guess that, while Corin used her gift on Chelsea, Chelsea used her gift on Corin. This way, Aro kept everyone in a loop. However, if Chelsea or Corin fell, everyone would be free. That was a scenario I'd like to have seen.

There were so many questions, and so much buried in the back of my mind. I had to constantly and actively try to ignore the many thoughts, but I decided I had to look into his memories and sort it out. There could be valuable information.

First, however, I needed to hunt. Corin had interrupted my last hunt, so now I needed to go out again. Still, I couldn't leave without Corin, just in case I met a threat, so I found my hiking backpack that I had used when I travelled with Edward. Impassively, I put Corin into the hiking backpack and slung it over my shoulders. It looked too large for me, but I didn't care, as I had no trouble with it, considering my inhuman strength.

With my flasks and the Volturi guard in my bag, I went back to hunting. If I ran into other vampires, I could calm them.

I stretched my shield, testing it on Corin. From what I could gather, I was a shield, but I could project it to protect others. What I had done to the Volturi and Corin was to turn the shield on itself, and somehow using their powers against themselves, or others who were trapped under the same shield. I wasn't entirely sure how. Either way, I could manipulate other's gifts as long as they were alive. Working my shield on Corin had been more instinctual, rather than a keen understanding of my own gift.

In my almost normal state of mind, I had trouble re-enacting what I had done that fateful night, but I kept at trying. It was difficult to focus, though, since so many other things wanted my attention. Not only did I have to figure out my gift, but I also had to figure out a way to sort through Aro's memories, which were pressing in on me from all side. I also had to find out how I could ensure my family's revival in the best and quickest way possible.

With my expanded mind, I concluded that learning how to use my gift would have to take precedent over all else. Without my gift, there would be no hope of ensuring the safety of my family. With Corin, it had seemed easy, but I needed to understand it, in case something happened; what if it failed, because _I_ had failed to understand it?

I would also have to sort through Aro's memories. I would have to open the floodgates and let it all in. Only then would I be able to make sense of it all, and perhaps find the answers I was seeking. I hoped that there would be something useful regarding venom, which would help with my family.

As I ghosted through the forest in search of something delicious, Corin began to whine from my backpack. I eased up on my hunt and found a smaller animal for her.

"I got you food," I told her. I offered the dead carcass to her, and Corin sucked it dry quickly, spilling the blood all over herself.

"Please let me go," Corin asked, pained. I felt a stab of sadness at the thought of what I did to her.

"I can't," I replied, sadly. I reversed my shield to keep her more compliant.

"But the wives don't know where I am…" Corin replied, dazed.

"I am sure no one knows what has happened to the Volturi - yet – the wives will probably leave if someone tries to enter… There are no other guards at Volterra?" I wondered, just to be sure.

Corin shook her head drunkenly. "Not anyone _special_ … But they're not there…" The words were almost slurred, as I had made her drunk with her own gift. Now, I eased up.

"What?" I asked, worried and almost frightened.

Corin's eyes rolled in her head. "I lied… I took them with me… They have to be protected, but now they're alone…" Her words were still slurred. I felt panicky.

Distractedly, I sped through the forest and back towards the house. I had to figure out what to do and how to deal with this new information. If Corin was right, two vampires, not far from me, knew _something_. The wind shifted and suddenly a growl tore through me, startling myself; a scent so sweet, so perfect, so mouthwatering hit me. I was unprepared. I'd never smelled anything like it.

I had to follow I - there was no choice. I had to sink my teeth into it. As a newborn vampire, I suddenly realized _why_ I had become a vampire. I knew now what my entire existence revolved around: that exquisite scent.

I had never run so fast before, growling fanatically as I went. It was the most delicious thing I had ever smelled. All else dissipated from my mind as this new scent tore through my body.

* * *

 **When I started writing this story, THIS part was my inspiration. The last 27 chapters has all been leading up to this very point, and I am excited to FINALLY get there!**

 **I know a lot of you were moved by the last chapter, and I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations.**

 **There's still a lot of be revealed regarding Aro - and understood. Fear not, there are MANY chapters left ;).**

* * *

 **Let me know what you thought :)**


	29. Consequences

**GUEST REVIEWS:** I have a guest who has just read the entire story in a few days. Reading your reviews has been an epic journey. You've gone from having a somewhat negative opinion, to becoming really curious, and to liking the story a lot. Thank you so much for letting me follow your journey!

I don't mind guest-reviews, but I wish you'd PM me or login, so that I can reply.

* * *

 **Chapter 29 - Consequences**

As the wind shifted, my entire perspective changed. For just a second, I forget that my family lay in pieces at home; and for just a second, I forget that I had an arm-and leg-less female vampire hidden in my hiking backpack. And, for just a second, I seemed to forget that there were two female vampires hidden somewhere in close proximity, who could shatter everything for me in they ran into the wrong vampires.

I tore through the snow-land scenery, disturbing the snow and the animals. As Corin began to object from her place in the backpack, I only had enough sense to quiet her with her gift, so that I wouldn't be disturbed any further. My entire focus was on my hunt, and to ensure that no one got in the way. A viscious, excited snarl tore through my body – I was truly a hunter now, an animal.

The scent had been further away than I had anticipated. A part of me was quite aware that it was human, and I had been since the second I had smelled it. The weather was far from nice, and I tore through the woods after whatever stupid human had been dumb enough to venture outside in this weather.

I reached a clearing, and, far ahead, I saw him: a ranger. Venom pooled in my mouth – too much venom. I growled eagerly and prepared to attack.

Within a nanosecond of a second, I had managed to slam my feet into the ground, and my hands had destroyed several trees in an attempt to stop myself. The ranger heard the commotion, but I was too far away from him to see me properly, or the trees that had fallen. His attention faltered and he moved on.

The venom flowed at the scent and I growled, my chest vibrating loudly.

 _I can't waste venom like this_ _!_

My only thought was that the venom could be used on my family – to _save_ them. The thought was accompanied by a painicked feeling. I produced the flask and spat repeatedly into it, letting the venom out of my mouth and collecting it. I hissed as I spat, struggling with the bloodlust versus my need to help my family. I controlled myself, my need to help my family far outweighing my own selfish needs.

Masochistically, I smelled the air, letting his scent overtake me, producing even more venom. I growled menacingly as I sucked the air dry from his scent. My jaw was hurting and everything within me wanted to attack him and drink him dry. But I couldn't. There were more vital things, one of which was the safety of my family. My venom made me stop. My venom was the most important thing I had to give to my family – I couldn't waste it on a human, and I could almost not waste it on myself.

As I stood, continuously spitting into a container, I found that I could look around my need to kill him. In a way, it made me feel much more in control of myself, which was a relief. So far, I felt like an animal when I hunted: out of control and aggressive, without being able to think clearly. As it stood, he was more valuable to me alive, as his scent allowed for my venom production to work on overtime.

Briefly, I wondered if I should abduct him, but realized that it would be too dangerous. Killing vampires was easy, as there were no trails leading anywhere, but a human man would be missed, he would be noticed. People would ask questions and I couldn't take the chance of risking any visits from humans.

A part of me knew that even the mere thought of abducting anyone should've made me uncomfortable. As a human, I had had solid values, but as a vampire, I felt all my values had gone out the window. I had to relearn everything.

I'd like to think that I would never have kidnapped him, but the truth was that had he been a lone, homeless person, and there would be little chance of anyone following up on the disappearance, I might've actually done it. The only thing that mattered was my family; I had no one left. I would do anything for them.

I tapped myself dry from venom. The innocent human was still ahead - blissfully unaware of how close he had been to losing his life.

My sanity came back to me gradually, and I decided I couldn't linger for much longer. There were threats somewhere that needed to be dealt with.

I stayed for just a short while longer, masochistically sniffing the air and spitting into the flask repeatedly, until the ranger moved on. I filled my flask to the brim, now, and I quickly killed a nearby animal and gathered its blood. I drank the leftovers, but it was distasteful compared to the mere scent of a human.

I gave the ranger's retreating car a last glance, before I sagged with relief. I had been reminded of Charlie, my own father. I felt like I had completely forgotten about him. As I considered him, I recalled Renee. Though it had apparently only been two months since I had been changed, I found that my human memories were fading. I tried to remember, since Edward had said that remembering early on would mean that I never forgot.

On my way back, I focused on remembering my parents and my time with them. I think it worked, since feelings started to overwhelm me. At first, it was easy to ignore the emotions, but as I reached the house I felt like I was in pain, grieving my parents and the loss both of us felt. They thought I was dead, and more than anything I wanted to call Charlie and ask for his help. I couldn't call him, though, and he couldn't help me. The only thing I could do was to clear my mind and be strong – my vampire family needed me, and now was not the time to wallow in self-pity. I had made a choice. Once this was over, Edward would tell me about my human life and remind me.

My thoughts strayed back to the run-in with the ranger. I was happy that I had been able to stop, and more than a bit impressed with myself. Edward had once said that upon changing, I would still be essentially _me_ , but since I had been changed, I could hardly recognize myself. I didn't want to be angry, I didn't want to destroy the entire Volturi, I didn't want to imprison Corin, but I truly felt I had no choice in these matters, and a large part of me _didn't mind_ doing these things. I didn't _lose any sleep_ over it. Perhaps the indifference was what scared me the most. Despite being a vampire, I had thought my morals would be intact, but I could see how difficult it was to uphold the values I had had as a human.

Philosophically, I wondered if becoming a vampire was the same as being born. You start up as a blank slate, with only basic instincts. Sure, my instincts differed from a baby's, but both of us would have to learn patience, morals and all the other rules regarding code of conduct – or rather, I knew about the morals, I just had to learn to enforce them and accept them as a part of _me_.

Back home, I dropped Corin on the floor, keeping her subdued with her own gift. I quickly scurried to the attic to tend to my broken family. I was briefly ecstatic at the amount of venom I had produced, and I dropped quite a bit on all their limbs where they had been torn.

The container with animal blood was wafted around the room in a vague hope to entice their bodies. The smell seemed dull compared to the human smell.

"You know, I met a human," I revealed to Carlisle, as I tended his wounds.

"Oh no, you didn't, Bella!" I replied to myself with a deeper voice. I giggled lightly at my poor impersonation of Carlisle.

"I _did_ meet a human," I laughed at my own silliness. "I didn't drink him. Aren't you proud of me, Edward?" I asked, as I poured some animal blood into his throat. It came out of the tear in his throat, just like last time.

"I'm always proud of you, Bella," I replied once more to myself, trying to imitate Edward. I started crying, and I wanted so much to bury my face in Edward's body, but I was afraid I would do more damage to his already damaged body.

For a while, I lay sobbing tearlessly near my family.

"You'll be fine… You just need time…" I wailed, quietly. The venom and the blood hadn't done anything.

* * *

My attempts at learning about my gift as well as going through Aro's memories, were put on hold for a short while. There was something far more important that needed to be dealt with, and soon. Corin had mentioned that the wives had gone with her – she hadn't wanted to leave them unprotected – since the only guards left were few and non-gifted.

"Where are they?" I asked, my tone insisting. Corin tried to refuse, but I doped her up on her own gift.

"They're at the resort in Alyeska, west of here…" Corin replied, dully. "They're waiting for me…" I felt my silent heart almost begin to beat due to anxiety. Before, I had fought instinctively, but now I had to consider a plan.

"What are their gifts?" I demanded.

"They have none…" Corin replied, still dull. I glanced out the window and towards the ceiling. I didn't like to leave my family for a longer period of time – or further away than I already had been. Using Google Maps, I tried to estimate the distance and the time I would need. What if someone had already found them? Corin hadn't been certain about where her masters had headed, only the general location, but she came close enough nonetheless. What if others came close while I was away? The smells in the house were obviously vampire, and a vampire stopping by would be curious immediately.

I bit my lip, making up my mind. I had no choice but to hurry and find the wives.

"Let's go," I told Corin, though not really caring about her reply. I dropped her into my backpack and subdued her. I checked on my family one last time, before I tore off towards Alyeska.

I had recently fed, and I was still a newborn, which served me well as I tore through the Alaskan terrain. I reached the resort fast, but the smell of humans tore through me and I quickly took off to gather myself for a second.

It occurred to me that I looked like crap. Since the night Volturi had attacked, I hadn't showered or changed my clothes – I hadn't even considered doing it. I had removed the worst grime in passing, but otherwise I hadn't bothered, as my focus had been on other matters.

Now, though, I came to regret that decision. The resort looked expensive, and I looked like hell. Not far from me there was water running, so I quickly hurried down to the creek and washed myself. My clothes were washed quickly as well, and with my speed it was damp by the time I got back to the resort, rather than completely wet. Luckily, it was dark, so I could go mostly unnoticed.

The smells as I came closer to the resort were almost unbearable. I wanted so much to eat them, especially since I hadn't brought my flasks with me.

However, my meeting with the ranger had prepared me, and I was better equipped at handling the smells and keeping a level head.

 _Killing them will attract attention - unwanted attention_! I tried to remind myself what I was doing, but with each step, the smells seemed to threaten to overwhelm me.

 _Edward… Alice… Carlisle… Esme… Jasper…_ _Emmett… Rosalie… Eleazar… Carmen… Tanya… Kate…_ _Irina…_

The names rebounded in my head as I focused. They were my priority, they were important. I had to be strong for them. If I ate the humans there would be consequences.

"Corin, which room are the wives in?" I whispered, easing up on her gift.

"314…" Corin whispered dazedly.

The reception was empty, save for a single clerk. I doped him with Corin's gift, perhaps a bit too eagerly, and he fell to the ground, unconscious. I let him be and hurried on. I tried to walk at human speed, but it was difficult. It seemed so absurd to me and unnecessary, but I forced myself to be calm, not breathe, and go slow.

I reached 314 easily and knocked.

"I'm here on Corin's behalf," I whispered quietly, lying. Corin's gift was seeping through the door, enveloping the wives. There was silence on the other side for a brief second, before I heard the light sounds of a vampire moving.

The door opened and a female vampire stood before me. Her hair was messy and dark, and her eyes shone ruby red. She looked like a girl, perhaps 16 or 17, but definitely not much older than that. Somehow, considering her actual age, I had expected more of a woman. The part of never aging was quite surreal to me, still. Her skin was powdery and, in a way, she looked very fragile. It was an odd thing to see a vampire look like, since we usually looked so strong and impenetrable.

Her entire demeanor seemed subdued and quiet, and I had only lightly touched her with Corin's ability. I guessed that Aro and Caius preferred subdued women.

The other woman in the room looked just as fragile as the first. This one was fair-haired, though. They wore robes, rather than human clothes – obviously not even bothering to blend it. The Volturi crest was embroidered onto their chests. I had no idea which one of them was who.

"You're here to kill us." The fair-haired woman spoke with certainty, startling me. For a moment I worried that she wasn't affected by Corin's ability, as she had seemed so resolved. I kept an eye out for danger.

"Yes," I admitted. I didn't like all this talking. I prepared to add more of Corin's gift on them.

"Very well, then…" The other woman replied calmly, and sat by the fair-haired on the bed.

"What?" I stared at them confused. I glanced around me quickly to see if there were anyone ready to jump me.

"Please be quick about it," the fair-haired vampire asked me. Her voice held relief, accepting of her fate. I noticed how both seemed resolved and ready, and I didn't understand why.

"You _want_ me to kill you?" I wondered, apprehensively.

"That was your plan." The dark-haired woman, or girl, looked up at me, clearly confused as to why I didn't kill them. Her gaze felt disturbing. She looked so young, and yet there was the typical vampire-aura. She reminded me of the freakish little girls in horror movies.

"Corin's been gone for a while…" The fair-haired wife said, calmly. "Her effect dissipated and left us more aware…" She sighed. I had no idea what this meant. It didn't explain anything to me. It didn't explain why their attitudes seemed to welcome death.

"My husband, Aro, is dead… And so is Caius," Sulpicia said, revealing her identity. Despite the revelation that she knew, Sulpicia did not seem too upset – and Corin's ability was only just touching her lightly. I worried it was a ploy, and kept a distance from them both, and I was ready to use Corin's gift on full force if I needed it.

"How did you know?" I wondered. I worried someone had told them. In my mind's eye I saw all the loose ends that seemed to flail in the wind while I tried assiduously to grab them.

"It feels so empty…" Sulpicia looked away, clearly pained and for once showing a true emotion. Her hands balled into fist. I recognized her pain, but I refused to think like her. Edward was not dead. Edward would be _fine_!

"Did you kill Corin as well?" Athenodora wondered, with composed curiosity. Again, none of the two women spoke with any passion – she might as well have asked about the weather.

"Yes," I lied. I didn't like where this was headed. They were supposed to put up a fight. The actual killing was supposed to happen instinctively, so that I didn't have to think so much. Now, I was thinking _and_ feeling and it was scaring me. I tried to focus on Edward – I had to protect him.

"You have to come with me now," I demanded. Corin's gift took a hold on them lightly, and they rose. I wanted to keep them aware enough to ask them questions, but subdued enough to follow my lead.

I lead the wives out of the resort and into the woods, where we picked up pace. I wanted to go down wind, so that when I burned the pieces, the smoke with stay hidden within the forest. The wives were quiet as we ran, which unnerved me endlessly. Their attitude made me unable to think of any questions to ask.

Eventually, we stopped and they turned to me. They seemed somewhat unaffected by Corin's gift, and I feared they had lured me into a trap. I prepared for a fight and I crouched down.

"Don't worry, we won't fight you," Athenodora assured me, calmly, as if she could read my mind. My growl died in my throat.

"Why?" I whispered, confused. "Why are you letting me do this? I can tell that you're not much affected by _my_ gift," I told her, lying about Corin's gift being my own.

"We have been used to that gift for many, many years," Sulpicia replied, smiling very softly. "Even without it, we won't run." I stared at them confused.

"You want to die?" I asked, serious. "You're not going to fight me?" I was apprehensive. I eased up Corin's gift, wondering if that's what made them so complacent. They seemed _too_ complacent.

"You don't understand …" Sulpicia glanced at Athenodora sadly. Despite not being touched by Corin's ability, Sulpicia and Athenodora didn't change their view.

"Explain?" I asked, uncertain.

"We just want to be _free_ …" Athenodora supplied, grasping Sulpicia's hand in silent comfort. She sat down on her knees and bared her neck, and Sulpicia followed her. I was still not certain that this wasn't a trick, so all my senses were ready and aware.

It was strange. As they sat now, prepared and willing to die in front of me, without even asking questions, I wanted them to live. I wanted to understand why they were so willing to die. The truth was, however, that with the sparse information I had already gathered from Aro, I knew somewhat what they meant when they said they wanted to be free.

"Come now," Sulpicia asked, quietly. I knew I didn't have a choice – not really. I couldn't take them with me, as I didn't trust them and I couldn't jeopardize the safety of my family, nor could I let them leave considering the amount of information they had.

I flitted to stand behind them, and then I overwhelmed them with Corin's gift, hoping to make it easier for them.

I felt tense and anxious as I tore off their heads, but there had been no secret ploy, and the two wives fell to the ground, headless. I was quick to make a small pyre, and then I spread the ashes and the snow to ensure no vampire would find it and wonder.

On the way back, I started to sob tearlessly. My chest heaved uncontrollably. I felt so overwhelmed by the emotions the wives had displayed, or rather lack of it, as well as the entire situation.

I only managed to check that my family was safe and unharmed, just as when I had left them, and then I fell to the floor, crying hysterically. Aro's memories took over, and I let myself succumb to the vast and painful memories.

When Athenodora had said she and Sulpicia had wanted to be free, I had had a pretty good idea of what they meant. However, seeing it through Aro's point of view was painful. They never wondered who I was or what had happened to their mates; the only thing that had mattered was that their mates were gone.

With Aro, it always came down to jealousy.

He had met Caius and Athenodora, and not much later Marcus. They shared a passionate view and created to Volturi together and took over the vampire world. However, Aro was always jealous, and he always sought what made him stronger. Not many years later, he changed his own sister, Didyme, hoping that her gift would be useful to him. However, Didyme's gift was making people happy, and Aro found little use for that.

He couldn't ignore the jealousy of seeing Caius and Marcus so happy, so Aro began to look for his own mate. Looking was a strong word, though, as he designed her himself. He found a human girl with the qualities he sought, and then he molded her into the perfect mate for him. When she was old enough, he turned her. Sulpicia was specifically created for the purpose of being his wife and mate.

Their love flourished at first, but his devotion to power and the role as a leader of the vampire world changed things.

When Marcus and Didyme planned to leave, Aro killed his own sister to keep Marcus around. This destroyed Marcus, and realizing how much losing a mate could actually affect a vampire, Aro did his best to keep Sulpicia safe – to such a degree that he kept her locked up, allowing her few visitors other than himself.

In Aro's memories, it was extremely obvious how a vampire's mate could be used against them, and Aro strove to ensure that such a thing could never happen. In his endeavor, he destroyed his own mate by breaking her down more and more. He might as well have killed her. Corin's existence had been to soften things, but it had been far too late already then.

I couldn't imagine the horrors of being tied to someone you despised, but this was what seemed to happen with Sulpicia. There was little love and affection, almost no sex at all, and when they did have sex, it was raw and wild, but dispassionate. Their bond was needy, based solely on their mate-ship, but that was it. They needed each other to survive, but other than that, there was nothing. I felt traumatized at seeing Sulpicia wither in Aro's memories, and seeing how he only cared for her safety, which, in reality, was more about his own safety, since losing her would pain him.

Sulpicia hated her prison, but was forced to feel content due to Corin, which over time wore her down.

Athenodora had much the same experience, from what I could tell from Aro's memories. Aro had met Caius and Athenodora before meeting Sulpicia, and I saw the happiness Caius and Athenodora shared, and I saw how she was worn down in her prison in Volterra. I wondered what Caius had thought about it. He had once looked so happy.

I wept at the life the wives had lived, and I wept at the lost opportunity to punish Aro and Caius. I wept at the lost opportunity to tell Marcus the truth, and to set him free. I wept when I realized how Aro had murdered his own sister, blaming the Romanians, and I wept when I saw the shell of a man that Marcus turned into.

With Aro, it all came down to jealousy.

* * *

There were so many memories. Could vampires get a headache? I felt like my head was exploding…

* * *

The memories seemed to die down and come to an end. I knew there was much more information I was lacking, but I had only touched Aro for a few seconds, which seemed to be my luck. Perhaps 'luck' was too positive, considering what I had seen. I forced the memories from my mind, simply unable to deal with all the horrors of Aro's life. If I thought his dealings with his own mate had been bad, but it was nothing next to what he had done to other vampires under his rule.

Eventually, I woke up from my self-imposed mental imprisonment. Aro's memories were still scattered in my mind, but I had now viewed them all and they wouldn't threaten to overwhelm me again. I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I naturally freaked out and worried that my family was unsafe.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here," I told Edward. "Being a vampire is so _hard_ ," I added with a slight whine. "I forget the time; I lose so much of it… I can't seem to…" I fell silent, unable to express my frustrations.

"I am here now," I finally added. "I will get you some dinner – or lunch or breakfast, depending on what time it is." I glanced towards the window. It was raining a bit and it wasn't entirely dark. Perhaps it was afternoon. "I'll get you some dinner. You'll be fine soon. I love you – all of you," I reminded them. "See you in a bit…" I slipped out from the attic and quickly gathered Corin.

Two things occurred to me right then. Corin was awfully quiet, and I couldn't feel her gift.

I panicked. I ripped the backpack apart, and exhaled sharply. Corin lay in the backpack, but she was obviously dead.

Somehow, I had assumed that the killing blow would be to remove her head, but I realized now that perhaps without her arms and legs, Corin's venom couldn't circulate, or whatever it did. I had fed her, but that hadn't seemed to be enough.

A strange, detached and rational part of me found this incredibly interesting, as it seemed to point towards the venom needing circulation, and without it the vampire would die. I had no idea how the venom circulated, since our hearts didn't beat, but somehow it must be like a human bleeding to death – except I never saw the venom dissipate, and neither my family nor Corin changed consistency when dying, like a human seemed to do. There was no rotting flesh, no decaying of the flesh. They just stopped _being_. She looked like a cracked porcelain doll. I had so many more questions. Blood flowed to distribute nutrients, so did that mean it was the same with venom? Where did the venom go if you pulled an arm off? I never saw Corin _bleed_.

I didn't have enough information to conclude anything, and my ponderings were very basic, since I generally lacked knowledge on the subject of advanced biology.

Of course, a more important part was that I didn't have time to consider it, since my family _lay upstairs in pieces_.

I wailed for a brief second in frustration at being so easily distracted. I regained my senses and forced myself to focus.

I had to burn Corin. I had no plans on wasting time, venom, and blood on her, so her existence was a burden. I quickly built a small fire and watched as her body turned to ash. As I watched, I started realizing that I was now, once more, completely unprotected.

I tried to focus on my list. I had somewhat gotten to know my gift. Further study would be impossible without another gifted vampire, and I was lacking in that department.

I had gone through Aro's memories, and, while most of it was locked away and ignored, I was now no longer threatened with being overwhelmed by them. I still needed to process them all and learn what he had learned.

There was something important I had to add to the list, something that should've occurred to me a while ago

For two months, Carlisle hadn't shown up at work and no one had contacted us about it. This worried me, because I had no idea why that was. Under normal circumstances, Carlisle's colleagues should've wondered and probably come by.

And speaking of humans, I had yet to see any mail man. I was pretty sure I would have noticed if a mail man dropped by – or any other human.

Most importantly, staying in the house was getting too dangerous. If Corin could find me, so could other vampires. We would have to leave. As this dawned on me, I also realized that the best way to go would be to the Denali home. It was far enough from here that I might be able to hide – if only for a little while. I just needed to get away.

"Carlisle, do you think we should go to Denali or somewhere else entirely?" I asked, worried. "Is it far enough away? Where should we go?" I fretted anxiously.

"Bella, we can go to the Denali home. We can be safe enough for a while, just while we make new plans… Besides, it not like you can rent a hotel - you can't run around with 12 dead vampire bodies…" I mimicked Carlisle, poorly.

"Good thinking," I replied to myself. "I should probably quit your job – just in case anyone begins to speculate…" I added.

* * *

"This is the Alaska Regional Hospital, how may I direct your call?" The question was innocent enough, but I felt completely surprised. For some reason, I was overwhelmed at the thought of speaking with a human on the phone. It seemed completely surreal to me.

Barely a second had passed and the human hadn't noticed my silence. "It's regarding Doctor Carlisle Cullen," I said, almost uncertain. I wondered if I should speak to HR.

"I'm sorry, but Doctor Cullen doesn't work here anymore," the receptions replied, quickly. I frowned, confused.

"What? Are you sure?" It seemed weird that he would be fired without anyone checking up on him.

"Doctor Cullen's position was very short, and he left a few weeks before Christmas," the receptionist replied.

"Oh…" I fell silent. "Do you know why?" I wondered.

"I'm not privileged to that information," the receptionist replied.

"Thank you." I hung up. Why had Carlisle quit his job? Had he done it as a precaution? Or had he known he wouldn't be back? I couldn't imagine he had known – he had relied so much on Alice's vision. And yet, this was just so convenient for me.

As that thought occurred to me, I flitted outside to check the mailbox further down the road. It was empty. I knew everyone subscribed to various magazines, so why was the mailbox empty? Was I overthinking things? Was it just a coincidence? What about the house, how was that paid for? Was it paid for in advance or would someone come by?

The thoughts stressed me out, because I had currently no way of knowing. Briefly, I wished I had touched Aro for a longer period of time – perhaps I would then have seen the lives of the people Aro had touched – including Carlisle.

 _We have to move_. It was my only conclusion. I had no idea how compromised my current location was, whether it be due to humans or vampires, but I knew I had to leave. I couldn't take the chance of someone beginning to wonder. The lack of foresight frustrated me – my family was in danger and I didn't use my brain. I should've moved us the moment I had killed the Volturi. I couldn't rely on luck, as I apparently had so far. It was only then that I realized how crazy and mentally numb I'd been that I hadn't even considered these things. What if he _hadn't_ left his job? Humans would've looked for him! What if others came to look for Corin? Did anyone know the Volturi had perished? My lack of foresight could've have endangered us all.

* * *

 **I am overwhelmed by your reviews. Thank you so much!**

 **Some might wonder why the wives gave up so easily, and I want to say that once their mates died, they didn't care any longer. Their lives had been so horrible, and to stay alive for even just a few more minutes just to 'understand' was pointless to them. They just wanted it to be over.**

 **I hope you don't mind the pacing. There's still a lot to do, and Bella is definitely going to dance around the event horizon of her own sanity.**

Thank you.


	30. Down the rabbit's hole

**Thank you so much for your reviews. Enjoy :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 30 – Down the rabbit's hole**

Since my first days as a vampire, I had become marginally more controlled. Of course, it was all due having no choice. I _couldn't_ go berserk, and I _couldn't_ run amok. I had people counting on me – my family. Controlling myself was something I _had_ to do, unless I wanted to jeopardize everything.

It didn't mean, though, that I wasn't emotionally unpredictable anymore. I might not be like a newborn, but I still had my moments of despair and rage.

The worst part of being a newborn was the conflicts within me. Perhaps it was even worse due to my unique situation. A normal newborn didn't have to consider the future, a normal newborn was usually taken care of by their sire, and if not their sire, then they were taken care of by their instincts.

I had to fight my instincts - alone. I had to constantly fight against my rambling and unfocused mind, as I had to focus on the future. I had to fight against the fear that would've left me snarling and growling, but now I had to stay sane, focused, and aware, otherwise I would miss crucial ideas or considerations. I had to fight against my need to satiate myself, because there was too much at stake and I couldn't just take off.

I felt a lot like I was second-guessing myself. My number one priority was to protect my family, to keep them safe, and now that both the wives and Corin were gone, I started second guessing my choice of not asking questions.

If anyone would know about resurrection of vampires, it would certainly have been the wives – they had been closest to the rulers.

But I hadn't asked them. I had been too afraid – not just of the answer, but of revealing a weakness about myself. In a way, I was getting far too paranoid to reveal that I had something to lose. It would be too obvious if I started asking questions. What if someone had actually managed to save them? What if the wives had had backup? What if it _had_ been a ploy? I didn't know then, so I couldn't take the chance and let them wonder about anything I asked them. I had a family to take care of and I had far too much to lose. I couldn't take the chance and let anyone know that.

Now, knowing the outcome, I flailed mentally, second-guessing myself and worrying that if I didn't do everything I couldn't hope for my family to get better.

I wasn't totally lost on information. I _did_ have some answers – I just couldn't face them yet. I had Aro's memories, and I knew he had many answers. His memories were tightly locked away, and it took a lot of effort and focus to keep it so. I had his memories of his life, but they were far from pleasant. So far, I had managed to look at a few relevant memories, but there was a horde of more memories that I needed to go through…

The truth was that there _were_ monsters in this world, and Aro was one of the worst. I wanted to see his memories, I knew he held the answers regarding my family, but it was far from simple to just open up. What Aro had done was beyond humane, what Aro had done paled in comparison to the worst horror movie I thought anyone could think about. To open that drawer demanded an enormous amount of energy, and I was afraid of what it would do to me. I knew his memories held the answers, but I needed to be in a secure location with my family when I opened up for the terrors, the horrors of his _experiments…_

* * *

I stared at my handiwork and I felt quite proud. I had never exactly been a do-it-yourself'er, but seeing what I had created made me feel pretty handy.

Of course, my work wasn't really that complicated, and the tools I had used were only nails and my finger, since my finger was far stronger than any hammer I could find. Still, everything had come together and the lid fit perfectly with the box.

Or rather, the lid fit perfectly with the wooden coffin I had made.

"You're going to love this, Emmett. It's a coffin!" I joked with Emmett as I presented 12 coffin-like boxes to my family. Of course, I had tried to make it look less like a coffin and more like a moving box, since people would wonder otherwise.

"What a morbid humor you've gotten," I replied to myself, pretending to be Emmett.

"Indeed," I agreed, smiling down at my non-moving brother. He looked like a corpse and I quickly looked away, ignoring the pain in my stomach. It didn't help that I was about to put him in a coffin.

"I made them myself," I continued, trying to sound cheerful, as if it would help. "I took down some trees and made them from scratch. They're not pretty, but I can't have them look like actual coffins – that would be totally weird!" I laughed lightly to myself.

The point of making the coffins was that we had to move. I needed to put them in a safe environment where I could move them at a moment's notice, so a coffin would be their new home until they were better. I wasn't sure how often I would have to move, but I hated having to disturb their healing.

"I won't ever do this again. I promise it's a one-time thing!" I whispered, painfully. I tried to keep the sobbing at a minimum as I slowly disassembled my family and reassembled them in the coffin. I broke down when I got to Edward, but I couldn't stop and had to work through the pain, which threatened to overwhelm me. I tried so hard to ignore Aro's memories and the wives' feeling of loss, which reflected my own. Both Sulpicia and Athenodora had keenly _felt_ the loss of their mate.

The biggest challenge I was facing was the actual moving. I would need transportation that could fit 12 coffins, so it was likely I would have to rent a trailer. I also had to rent storage space to store everything in the house. Despite Edward's and my many conversations regarding the way the Cullen family worked, I had actually no idea how the house was paid. Was it automatically? What if the funds ran out on the account and someone came knocking? Would it be auctioned and all our things sold? I had no idea, and suddenly I felt as if Edward all the things Edward and I had talked about were all the _wrong_ things.

Where was all the information that _mattered_? Why hadn't Carlisle told us that he had quit his job? Or had he, but I didn't know because I had been away due to my _death_?

I simply tried to take my precautions. I couldn't leave a trace behind in case someone came knocking. This was why I planned to stink up the house so that it smelled less of vampires, and more of _something else_. With what I was still undecided on. I was pretty sure some dead animals would remove any smell, but at the same time I didn't like the thought of ruining our house. What if the family wanted to return once they were _better_? Of course, I doubted they'd blame me if I did something to the house. Perhaps vinegar would be better.

Moving out meant that I would be forced into the _real_ world. I would have to interact with humans. Considering how my emotional state was, I wasn't sure how good idea that was. At least I'd had my first experience with the ranger, and that went really well, and my venom guided me and reminded me of my purpose. Now, however, I wasn't out hunting and I wasn't saving my venom, so if something happened, would I be less inclined to keep myself in check?

I kept telling myself that eating a human wasn't worth it, but my entire existence couldn't forget the scent of the ranger. It had smelled so _natural_ ; as if that had been what I really needed to eat. Since I had smelled the ranger, every animal had tasted less than stellar. It had truly been to survive – not really pleasurable.

As February ended, I rented a large storage unit and a trailer. I kept the contact to over the phone, and only when I picked up the keys, which I did as close to closing hours as possible, did I come face to face with a human for the first time. I had prepared from home: fiddle, blink, and breathe. I tried to remember the vague memories of my family explaining what they did to look human. I wore sunglasses to hide my blood-red eyes.

I was in control – I _had_ to be in control. Every single time I smelled a human I felt utterly wretched at the idea of losing precious venom. I simply couldn't get myself to sink my teeth into them, when my venom could be used on my family. Still, the emotional conflicts hurts, and I was looking forward to leaving my newborn days and being more in control. I could already feel that my control was much better than when I had just been turned.

I took a quick breath of air outside of the store. It was still loaded with human scents, since I was in town, but at least it was less concentrated than it would be inside. A bell sounded as I opened the door. The clerk looked up. The clerk's heartbeat sped up and his eyes widened, obviously falling for my allure. I needed to learn how to control it, I realized. Except, that would probably mean I would be around more humans in order to test it.

"I called about a storage unit," I said, unintendedly whispering. Even to my ears my voice sounded soft, alluring. I had tried to save my breath, but it only served to make me look more hesitant and less frightening.

"Oh yeah?" The clerk fumbled with some papers while he tried to keep his eyes on me. It was a spectacular failure as it culminated with him dropping the papers. As he bent down, he hit his head against the desk. It would leave a bruise, but his skin was intact. The situation might've been funny; perhaps I would laugh at it – in a few months.

"Haha." He laughed uncomfortably, trying to lighten the awkward atmosphere. I think I might've smiled, except it came out wrong. It was more of a grimace, since I didn't want to terrify him with my teeth, nor did I want to look too friendly.

I filled out the papers, using my own name, and since I wasn't required to hand over any additional private information, such as my social security number, I knew it wouldn't matter and no one would find out that I was supposed to be dead.

"Thanks," I replied quietly, avoiding contact. I kept my breathing to a minimum, but I tried to make it look like I was breathing. The clerk, a young man, wasn't deterred by my difference.

"So, Isabella, it's a huge unit, you must have a lot of stuff to store." He sent me what I presumed was a flirtatious smile. His heartbeat quickened slightly and I saw the pulse on his neck quicken as well. I felt like it was calling out to me. I could hear the blood rush through his veins. It was almost deafening, and it became even more apparent as I continued to stare. His body shivered for a second, as goosebumps broke out.

I clenched my jaw. "Clearly," I responded, tightly. I breathed in his scent calmly. He wasn't my prey, I reminded myself. He was a human and he had a family. Even if he didn't have a family, he was still human and I didn't actually want to drink humans. No matter how curious I was about the taste…

The venom in my mouth pooled and I wished I could store it. I started wondering if I could somehow make a device that could tap me dry discreetly. Or perhaps I could have a bottle and I could pretend to drink, but really just dispose of my venom? My venom, as always, was great at distracting me.

"So are you, like, moving out? From your boyfriend's house?" He was clearly fishing. I felt annoyed with him; I didn't have time or patience to deal with a human. My family needed me. "If you need help-"

"Do you need anything else from me?" I gestured towards the papers and the keys to the storage unit, as well as the keys to the trailer, which he still held onto.

"Perhaps your number?" He inquired. He ran a hand through his hair, probably thinking it looked cute. I gave him a withering glance.

"I'm not interested," I responded and held out my hand for the keys. He, very slowly, put the keys in my hand, until his hand touched mine and he recoiled from the coldness.

"It's cold outside. Sure you don't want to stay and warm up?" He added cheekily. My glance hardened at his continued nerve, and his heartbeat quickened. He took a step back, unwillingly, a part of him obviously recognizing the threat I posed to him. His pupils dilated.

It was over in a second, and I spun on my heel and took off, though trying my best to keep it slow and human. Outside, I took deep breaths, trying to

What surprised me the most, about the interaction with the human, hadn't been my need to kill him because he smelled good. No, it was the need to kill him because he annoyed me. My patience was wearing thin, and I tried to focus, lest I end up doing something I regretted. I didn't understand how being a vampire could screw with my moral code this much. Was this what my family had dealt with, too? Did they run around with this urge to murder all humans? How had they _survived_ going to high school repeatedly? Why did I even have this urge?

Perhaps I had misunderstood the urge. I was keenly aware how everything seemed breakable to me, so why shouldn't I be just as keenly aware of how easy it would be to kill a human? It didn't mean I _would_ do it; it was merely an acknowledgement that I _could_ easily do it. Perhaps it had nothing at all to do with morals.

I had once told Edward that people weren't bad for having bad thoughts. This was true now more than ever.

* * *

That same evening, I packed down everything in the house. It didn't take long to pack it, and at the stroke of midnight, I drove off to my storage unit. I had to drive 6 times to get everything stored, each person had so much stuff – of course, none more than Rosalie and Alice.

I was glad that it was still winter, which meant that the darkness lingered. It was 5am when I finally left the Cullen house and made my way to Denali. My family was stacked safely in the trailer and I used Emmett's jeep to drive there, as I had stored every other car.

As I drove, I contemplated my new situation. I didn't like that I no longer had Corin by my side. Not having an active ability frightened me. All it would require to take me out was a vampire who was more skilled at fighting that I was, or an ability I wouldn't be able to invert. I would have to learn some martial arts, just in case.

I also considered the Denali house. It would be a nice, but temporary, base. I didn't want to linger there for too long, since it was too close where the action had happened. I wasn't sure where I would move to next, as I wasn't sure what would be safe.

* * *

"You really do have a lovely home, Tanya," I commented as I put her into one of the large bedrooms. I had removed the interior of two bedrooms and I split up my family in them.

"I know you'd like to stay together, but there's no room. I will find a better place soon," I assured them.

"I do wonder what the game here is like; the Denali Park is much bigger than where we lived before," I commented, almost happily. As I streaked around the house, preparing it and cleaning, since a lot of dust had appeared, I spoke to my family. For a brief moment, it almost felt _normal_.

"Do you have an idea of where to go?" I wondered. "We need somewhere safe. I think amongst humans would be best," I told them.

* * *

Living in Denali made me much calmer than I had felt in months. It was a relief to be away from where all the action had happened, and I felt much more secure. Sure, I still planned to move further away, but for now, I had several of other things to look into.

"You know, I really do wish there was a vampire news agency," I complained as I fed my family their daily dose of venom. I ignored the blood, since it trickled out of their necks.

"Oh my god, I totally agree, Bella! We could have a fashion section for vampires!" I replied to myself, eagerly, as I channeled Alice's fashionista persona.

"Well, I was thinking more in the lines of finding out if anyone has realized the Volturi is gone…" I admitted to myself. I chuckled. "I can't believe I'm talking to myself!" I shook my head and laughed lightly. It felt painful to laugh.

"Don't worry, I love you Bella," I said on behalf of Edward. "And I love you, Edward," I told him. I gave him a soft peck on his forehead.

"But seriously, Alice, you should focus more on your economics skills. I don't know why you bother with all the clothes…" I told her, pondering. "Or perhaps I do… Renee always loved to bake cakes, but she hated making actual food… Of course, she sucked at both things…"

I used the internet to follow up on what happened in the world. I assumed that when the vampire world realized that the Volturi was gone there would be mayhem, perhaps enough to reach the human newspapers. So far there was nothing.

* * *

When I first noticed that the sun shone I was out hunting. The forest was dense, but the rays slipped through the trees. I stilled, staring at my sparkling skin.

I felt like I was waking up from a dream, and I looked around me. There was no snow on the ground, there hadn't been for a long time, but I hadn't actually _noticed_. Now I saw that it was gone and I saw that the sun was shining.

Briefly, I recalled a memory from my human time. I had seen Edward sparkle and I had compared him to a small sun. Now, however, I could clearly see how my skin reflected the sun. From what I could see, the reflective ability of my skin required direct sunlight, which I assumed was the reason why I could stay outside at night or under a cover of clouds without sparkling.

The thought had barely registered as Aro's memories came to the surface, trying to explain. I gagged, painfully, forcing myself to think of something else. Anything. Aro was a monster. I knew I would have to face the memories soon, but for now, I couldn't deal with the torture Aro had done towards vampires.

I glanced towards the sun, and I worried.

How long time had passed? What was the date? How long had I stayed in Denali already? I was obsessed with saving my family and collecting venom for them – I was losing track of time. I was avoiding Aro's memories. My intention had always been to stay for a short while, and I had left the Cullen house at the end of February.

My musings ceased, as I smelled my next prey. I quickly tapped myself dry from venom, and then I ate. Eating venom-less was less satisfactory.

* * *

It turned out that we had entered the month of May. I didn't like to realize this, as it meant I hadn't noticed how two full months had passed by. Briefly, I recalled that Edward and I had talked about marrying in March. If things had turned out the way we planned, Edward and I would've been married for two months soon.

I had made a plan, which consisted on forging new papers so that I could blend in without worrying that someone would find me. This way, I would finally be able to deal with Aro's memories and hopefully give my family what they needed to become better. This meant that I would have to call Mr. J. Jenks, who was the one who dealt with the papers. I recalled Edward telling me about him on our trip when he revealed the Cullen Secrets.

"Mr. Jenks office, how may I help you?" The woman at the end of the line sounded slightly tired, but it was the end of the day, so I wasn't surprised.

"Hello, I need to speak to Mr. Jenks," I replied, trying even out my voice and sound less like a raging psychopath. I probably sounded the same no matter what, but points for trying, I told myself.

"Do you have an appointment?" The secretary asked.

"No, but-"

"Then I am sorry, but Mr. Jenks doesn't have the time," the secretary quickly replied. I was unfazed by her brusque behavior. The Cullens never did anything half-way, and I was pretty sure they were top clients of Mr. Jenks.

"I am sure Mr. Jenks would like to know that Whitlock/Cullen called," I replied coolly.

"Mr. Jenks is known to give his undivided attention to his clients, so interrupting will be impossible," she responded just as coolly. "However, I will mention your name when I see him. I'm sure he will call you back." She didn't sound sure. She probably dealt with presumptuous clients all day, and to her I was just another privileged woman demanding immediate attention.

"Please do." I hung up, knowing that I would have to wait. The wait time was short, however, and my phone rang barely five minutes later.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Whitlock?" The voice at the other end was nervous.

"Her sister," I replied.

"I'm so sorry for my secretary's mistake. When she mentioned you called, I had her cancel my next appointment. What can I do for you?" His tone was still anxious, but eager. I wondered what Jasper had done to make him so compliant.

"I am in need of your service," I merely replied. I was sure he could figure out what it was regarding.

"Of course, miss," Jenks immediately replied. "I am in need of some information. Did Mr. Whitlock tell you anything?" Jenks sounded slightly frightened at Jasper's name.

"Just your number," I replied, not wanting to admit to too much.

"I need the name you want to use, birthdate, and a recent picture. Mr. Whitlock usually comes by with it at night – if you'd like, I can stay in the office once we close. I can send my secretary home and you can come by now. We're closing soon, anyway… What kind of documents do you need? Driver's license, birth certificate, passport…" He was rambling and he came to a quick stop. I could hear him breathing heavily in the other end. What had Jasper _done_ to him?

"I need it all. I need it done as fast as possible. It will take me a few hours to get to you in Seattle. I think I will be there around 10pm." In my mind, I quickly calculated how long I would have to travel. I knew I was likely to run, since boarding a plane would be impossible without documentation, and driving a car was too slow. I could run across the country much faster.

"Of course. I will stay here and wait," he assured me.

"I will see you soon," I assured him, accidentally making it sound almost threatening. I quickly hung up and prepared for my departure. I took a picture and with Tanya's expensive camera and added it to a USB stick.

"I will be back soon. Be safe," I whispered, kissing Edward on his lips ever so lightly. It felt strange to kiss him and it hurt.

"I am looking forward to hear what you did to Jenks," I told Jasper, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere. I didn't like to leave them – I feared that something would happen.

I ran across the country, as fast as possible. I had brought with me another set of clothes – this time foreseeing that I would probably have to look somewhat decent. I also brought plenty of cash. As I ran, I considered what I wanted to call myself. Bella seemed so easy, but I worried that it would be too familiar. At the same time, I thought that perhaps the obvious name would attract less attention.

I sighed mentally as I decided I would continue to call myself Isabella. However, my surname would have to go. I couldn't call myself Swan. As much as I would like to call myself Cullen, that name was out of the question as well, so was the other family names such as Hale, McCarty, and Brandon. Briefly, I considered Dwyer.

I reached Seattle with half an hour to spare. The smells in Seattle were intense, but my control was superb due to months of focus on my venom and not wanting to waste it. I felt like I was getting stronger, and my venom was reminding me of what I was doing – and why.

I easily slipped into a bar to change. Of course, the patrons stared at me – I was still unable act entirely human, but practice made perfect. Of course, my looks were another thing. I was gorgeous to my prey.

Unlike the pushy clerk at the storage facility, none of the patrons spoke to me, but simply stared. I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid humans – especially if I planned on living among them, so I would have to learn to control my allure. How did you make yourself less attractive?

The smells were inducing and my body begged me to inhale deeply and tap my venom. My only thought was how much venom I was missing out on – eating the humans was not even an option. I wondered how proud Edward would be when I told him that, at two months old, I was able to stand in the middle of a bar without murdering anyone. I was sure he'd be proud.

It was obvious that Jenks was a high-end lawyer by the look of the building. I was glad that I had brought some finer clothes with me, so that I didn't stand out too much. Of course, arriving at night at a lawyer's office should probably be suspicious no matter what.

"I don't think I ever got your name, Miss…?" Jenks greeted me. I breathed in his scent – I was in control.

"Cullen," I lied expertly. Jenks seemed to consider saying something, but decided against it.

He kissed my warm hand, warmed by a heating pad I had brought with me. As his lips touched my skin, I heard his heartbeat quicken and a small intake of breath from him as he sniffed my hand. I tried not to be affected by this, knowing that I was designed to draw him in and that my scent was alluring to him. I tried to act more human and my him more at ease.

"Miss Cullen, of course. Right this way." Jenks gestured towards his office and I followed obediently while taking in all the smells. It was overwhelming to be in a human office building, but I managed to keep my calm. I almost reveled in the smell and I briefly wondered if a vampire could tap themselves dry of venom. I felt like I could do that here. If only I had brought my flasks. Perhaps I should visit town, soon.

"How is Mr. Whitlock?" Jenks wondered, showing polite interest.

"He's well," I replied, not really leaving room for any discussion.

"I understand you need some papers," Jenks said, obviously picking up on my lack of interest for chit-chat. I produced the USB stick with my picture. I sat down, feeling somewhat awkward. So far, I hadn't sat down much, since it had never been necessary. When I had, I had been in a safe setting without anyone to see my vampire speed. Now, I tried to look human and blink, swallow, and fiddle. Most of all, I tried not to ruin the chair or the table. I tried to match Jenks's speed.

"Yes, I need everything. Driver's license to all cars and trucks, and I need a new name and birth certificate. The whole deal," I told him.

"Yes, of course," he agreed compliantly. I doubted it was an easy task, but I had no doubt that he was usually compensated richly. "What will be your name?" He gathered pen and paper.

"Isabella Miller," I replied, having decided on a common name. "Do you wish to be paid now?" My question startled him slightly.

"Mr. Whitlock usually pays when he receives the order," Jenks admitted.

"This is a rush order," I told him, accidentally staring into his eyes and dazzling him. Jenks seemed nervous and his heart rate increased. Beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. I tried to fiddle and make myself look more humans in hopes of calming him down.

"Of course. It will cost a bit more…" Jenks admitted. I raised an eyebrow and he wrote down a number. I wondered why he didn't just say it out loud, but when I saw the amount I realized why: it looked ridiculous. Of course, I had no problem paying. I had enough cash lying around at the Denali house to pay it, so I wouldn't even have to go to the bank.

"When?" I breathed in and out, trying to look less threatening.

"Two weeks," Jenks told me. "I'm sorry, but it cannot happen sooner – these things take time," Jenks apologized, needlessly. I held up a hand.

"I will see you in two weeks exactly." I rose from my seat and Jenks followed. Now that it was over, I just wanted to leave as quickly as possible. However, I would have to play human until I could get away from Jenks.

"I would prefer if we could meet at a different location," Jenks asked. "I have a reputation to uphold here, and I would rather not mix the work I do with you with my work here…" he seemed anxious. Poor Jenks, he clearly worried that I would hurt him any minute. Jasper must really have laid into him.

"Very well. What do you suggest?" I turned to him and his heartbeat quickened in lust. I couldn't control my allure or my sometimes threatening stare, and it was almost interesting to watch his body respond to each thing. At least, when he felt lustful, he was decent enough to not act on it.

"There's a restaurant at the other end of town. It's called Wasabi. They have delicious sushi," Jenks offered, smiling lightly.

"I am sure you're a busy man, so perhaps a less time-consuming place would be better," I suggested. He swallowed thickly.

"Of course," he agreed. "There a hotel a few blocks from here…" He gave me an address. "It has a very nice café and they're open late. You can stop by same time as now." I nodded in acceptance.

"I will see you then," I told him and pressed the elevator button. We waited awkwardly for the elevator to arrive, and when it did, we smiled just as awkwardly to each other as we waited for the doors to close. The second I was out of the building, I took off. I was fast, much faster than I had ever been, and was out of the town quickly.

* * *

While I waited for my meeting with Jenks, I tried to sort through Aro's memories once more. Now, however, I was going to look into something much more painful than what he had done to Sulpicia, namely his experiments with vampires. I had to look into his research into both venom and his revival-experiments on vampires.

When I had been told that there was no proof that vampires were better served with human blood, no one had mentioned _how_ they knew. I assumed it was a somewhat personal conclusion each vampire came to – those who bothered to test it, that is. However, Aro had actually tested it. Extensively. He hadn't admitted what he had done to anyone – I think there would've been an uproar otherwise.

If I could vomit, I would've. To see what Aro had done to other vampires was absolutely appalling. Aro had tested vampires to the extent of their capacity, but it was in no way done in a kind, humane way. I thought this must've been what it was like to watch the doctors of world war II test Jews, cripples, twins, colored people, and whoever they tested on.

I tried to find anything regarding venom and resurrection, but Aro's experiments were both sickeningly cruel and lacked any real scientific approach.

Of course I hadn't been the first who wondered about whether or not fire was the ultimate killer of a vampire, or if a vampire could be reassembled. From the stories I had heard of the Volturi, I had come to understand that anyone breaking the law would be killed.

In Aro's mind, however, I realized this wasn't true. Some vampires were taken prisoners, secretly, and Aro experimented on them comprehensively. As my first thought had considered food, so was the first memory of Aro's torture sessions that popped up.

Some vampires were put through rigorous diets, ranging from starvation to force feeding. The starvation served the purpose of _cleansing_ the vampire from its earlier meal, but it also served to see if a vampire could actually die from starvation. One vampire had been kept for hundreds of years in a cellar – without food. I think he might still be in the Volturi cellar. What Aro found was that, while the vampire didn't die, they did lose their strength, so even a human prison, with weak, iron bars, would become unbreakable to the vampire.

He also tested the vampire psyche. Starved vampires, over time, would undergo what reminded of hibernation. The starving vampire in the Volterra cellar was completely immobile, except when Aro dangled fresh blood. Only then would the vampire awaken and try to feed. The starved vampire was never allowed to indulge. His purpose served a longer lasting experiment.

Another test was that Aro took a starving vampire and dangled a fresh _meal_ in front of it, to see if its gifts could be forced to expand and advance. It made me physically ill to see the horrors he had put other vampires through, just to satisfy his own curiosity. It made ill to hear the screaming humans, begging for their lives.

Another horrible memory was how he force-fed a vampire with blood, trying to see what would happen. The vampire ended up vomiting, but the look of it was enough to freak me out. It was worse than a horror movie, and I was glad that I didn't sleep.

Yet again, he force-fed vampires into eating human food – just to see what would happen. I was disgusted with the memories, but I forced myself to go through them, as I feared that denial would be my doom. I couldn't risk the safety of my family, and Aro had undoubtedly learned a few things over the years – things that might come in handy. I had to go through his memories, no matter how horrible it was.

Water turned out to be the only liquid that vampires could actually consume. Aro assumed it was because water was an essential part of all life, and humans consisted 50-65% water. Though, without nutrients in it, the vampire would get nothing from it. Excessive water drinking made the vampire vomit, however.

I felt sick to my stomach, sick like I remembered I could be as a human. It almost worried me. I had to pause going through Aro memories, simply out of fear of my own health.

"I can't-" I whispered, lying next to Edward. "I feel so disgusting… You always saw yourself as a monster, Edward, but I realize now that you never even knew what a monster was…"

I had many more memories to go through in my pursuit of finding information that might help me. I was not looking forward to it. For each thing I saw, I felt my sanity slipping away – bit by bit. I felt disconnected to the world. I needed Edward and I felt so empty without him. My body hurt so much. Sometimes, I would lie on the floor, gasping for air I didn't actually need and trying to stay afloat in my own mind.

I tried to focus on the memories. I had to help my family. I shivered at the horrors of what I saw. I had to delve into the memories regarding venom and resurrection. I was getting closer, but it made me so ill to go through them. I felt like it was my own memories, and I felt Aro's excitement as if it was my own. I tried to remind myself that I was Bella, not Aro. He was a monster, and I was just going through his memories.

It wasn't _my_ memories…

It wasn't _my_ memories…

It wasn't _my_ memories…

* * *

 **Soon ;) Hang in there. Let me know what you think.**


	31. Of hope and horrors

**The pacing of the story:** A few have mentioned that they feel that the pacing is too slow. I seriously considered re-writing the chapter to speed things up… The thing is it _takes time_ to heal her family. While healing her family IS her primary objective, there are also other objectives, such as exploring her mind and her time alone. It's only been 3 chapters since the Cullens were hurt, but I guess my chapters are long and it feels slow… There are other things I want to explore while Bella's family is indisposed, such as her mentality. Hopefully, overall, these few chapters where the Cullens aren't there won't seem slow.

I think it will help if you stop waiting for the Cullens to wake up, but enjoy the situation I've put her in. I won't drag it out, though some of you feel that I am. It's simply because a lot is happening, and it's a way to express the passing of time as well.

* * *

 **The Cullens are no. 1 priority,** but Bella need to create a safe enviroment, which is why she does the things she does. She will do anything to revive Edward - no doubt about it. However, she does it while trying to be rational. What Victoria did in the books wasn't rational, but then again, she obviously didn't plan to survive once she'd gotten her revenge. Bella plans to revive her family and survive, which means she has to use her brain, even though she'd much rather just focus intensely on Edward and leave everything behind.

* * *

 **Chapter 31 – Of hope and horrors**

I am notAro…

I am notAro…

I am _not_ Aro…

I felt stuck in an endless sea of horrors. Aro was the Picasso of torture and horror; his memories were a piece of _art_ – twisted, twisted _art_. The things he had done throughout his _career_ sent shivers and terrors through my body.

I tried to focus on revival and venom, but there were simply too many memories, and so I had to go through them all. They all seemed interconnected.

"Edward," I whispered, sobbing. "Please, I need you… I don't want _this_ … I don't want to be alone…" The heartbreaking sobs tore through my body. "Please… Edward," I cried.

"He's such a monster… I'm so scared…" I whispered, overcome by Aro's memories.

Aro's experiments on vampires ranged from physical pain and torture, to mental pain and torture. He told his brothers it was for _science_ and _knowledge_ , but there was nothing scientific in his approach. In reality, Aro had known it was simply to satiate his own curiosity.

Aro tested the prisoner's senses. He created noiseless rooms and put vampires in them, testing their mental strength to see how long they could stay sane. Some vampires were left in such rooms for years, deprived of their sense of hearing.

On other vampires Aro tested the opposite: loud noises. He wanted to see how the vampire was affected physically and mentally. Mentally, the vampires grew aggressive and unpredictable, and physically they could, at very loud noises, temporarily lose their sense of hearing. Once the venom healed them, they were as good as new.

It was traumatizing to watch the pain etched in the faces of the vampires. I cried. I tried to be focused and be strong, but it was hard and it hurt. To see what Aro had done, and to see his enjoyment, made me physically ill, but I had no choice but to go through it.

Aro used Jane and Alec often to see how vampires fared without their senses for longer periods of time, or, in Jane's case, being bombarded with pain nonstop. Both resulted in insanity.

He tested the sight of vampires and he tested their strength. I felt a keen sense of relief at knowing that the vampire body was simply too strong to penetrate with human objects, so at least Aro didn't cut into the vampires. He had wanted to research the eyes of vampires, but it seemed impossible to remove a vampire's eye without damaging it.

Aro tested vampires for how long they could survive without various limbs. His tests concluded that losing a limb or two wasn't bad, even over time. Some vampires seemed to be able to function well without limbs. Losing too many, however, and the vampire _died_. This was in line with my experience with Corin. I had fed her and kept her alive, yet she stilled died.

Frustratingly, Aro didn't actually bother to figure out _how_ a vampire died. Humans could die from blood loss, and we would know why this was, because we would understand the function of blood. With vampires, however, Aro never really bothered to figure out what venom was made of, and how it could sustain a vampire – or how loss of it could kill a vampire.

He had other vampires look into it, but like Edward had once said: their abilities were tied to the era we lived in, and currently there was no instruments that could analyze it.

What frustrated me, which was something I found frustrating with my own family as well, was that they had an abundance of time and money, and yet they didn't use it to create new things. Aro could've funded a whole lab designed specifically to learn the truth about venom. He could've ended up creating new machines, new systems, new _things_ that could better the world. Why wait for some human to design an analytical system, when you could do it yourself?

I didn't _get_ this lack of attention. I couldn't follow Aro's lack of interest or logic – unless it was due to venom being too complicated. From what I understood, that had been Aro's Achilles' heel. If something became too complicated Aro lost interest.

What Aro knew of venom was what I could obviously observe myself. Venom took over all bodily fluids. Venom took over the function of blood and saliva. It even took over the coating in our eyes, which meant that contact lenses would disintegrate over time.

Aro had no idea if vampires _bled_ to death, or if it evaporated, or if it disappeared some other way. All he knew was the venom seemed to coat every surface of a vampire, not just our veins.

While venom could easily attach an arm or a leg, the loss of a vampire's head, however, was similar to an instant death. Aro fiddled with the attempt at piecing broken vampires back together, but he was impatient as always and he didn't succeed. I told myself that my strength was my patience. I _knew_ Edward would eventually heal, the family just needed time!

A vampire's body never degraded – for all the time in the world, it seemed, it would look like a broken, although very real-looking, porcelain doll, which was why vampires were burned. I wasn't sure how many vampires were aware of the experiments that had led to the conclusion that the only thing that could kill a vampire was fire, but it seemed to be a wrong conclusion. Perhaps vampires simply assumed this was true, because you burned other vampires to avoid them reassembling themselves, like they usually could. I wasn't sure – it wasn't something I had spoken with Edward or anyone else about – not to that extent

Generally, it seemed that nothing but fire could stop regeneration of a vampire – except if they lost their head or torn apart thoroughly. I didn't understand why the head was important, and Aro's hadn't bothered to actually figure out why. Aro's conclusion was that, despite venom's extraordinary powers, it was impossible to revive a _dead_ vampire. I refused to give up. I knew from his mind how impatient Aro was. He hadn't bothered to spend too much time on something he had already made an assumption about.

In Aro's experiments with loss of limbs, he tested to see if a vampire could connect another hand than his own. I had so many questions regarding this, because humans can't just connect any form of limbs – mostly due to blood types. Aro, however, never investigated this. He assumed that venom was never-changing, and so adding a different limb to vampire shouldn't make a different. And it didn't, but I just didn't get how this could be.

There were multi-colored vampires, forced to _connect_ with different limbs than their own. They ended up looking grotesque, but it did nothing to their abilities as a vampire. They were still strong and they still had their own gift – if the vampire had a gift.

All this started the ponderings of when a vampire ceased to be that specific vampire, almost like the questions humans had regarding humans versus cyborgs and when they ceased to be human. When did the vampire cease to be _them_?

Aro also tried to infect vampires with various deceases. This was done through diets consisting of infected humans. Their infections ranged from a simple cold, to AIDS and other violent bacterial or viral diseases. The vampires seemed to be immune to everything.

Another test of the vampire mind, ranged from having humans imprisoned and sometimes bleeding in front of them while they were being held by stronger vampires and unable to eat. It was traumatizing to watch the poor vampires be subjected to such horrors, and it was just as traumatizing to watch the frightened humans stand in front of a crazed vampire.

I scoured Aro's memories in search of something more.

I was utterly horrified to find his test on the mating bond.

It was a well-known fact that vampires don't change their ways easily. But, it's possible to traumatize a vampire to such an extent that you can wipe their minds clean. Considering the vastness of the vampire mind, and the strength, to do so required an enormous amount of time and strain on a vampire.

Alice once said that she had been brought to an asylum by her human parent, and they had used shock therapy on her, destroying her mind and her memories. Similar could be done to a vampire, but the electricity used could almost power a city.

Another thing that could break the mind of a vampire was destroying their mate. Aro had, very few times, tested the endurance of a vampire as they were forced to watch their mate being tortured. My whole body shuddered at the memories, and I wailed pitifully – shocked and disgusted.

He wanted to see the effect watching your mate being tortured. This had been one of Aro's very first tests, and I was _glad_ of how quickly he abolished the trials. He even went so far as claim that mates should be above the law, so that no vampire could be condemned with having their mate killed or similar as punishment. Punishing a vampire by killing their mate would ruin the surviving vampire for the rest of existence. To see what had happened to the vampires who lost their mates was beyond horrible.

I got the impression that it was out of fear that Aro made that unofficial law. That it was obvious how horrible it would be to lose a mate, and he wanted to secure that if he was ever on trial, no one would use Sulpicia against him. Of course, that meant that if Aro was condemned to death, Sulpicia would have the option of following him, if she wanted. So far, all mates chose to follow their condemned partner into death. I understood why. It was only my desperation and my stubbornness that kept me from trying to kill myself. I knew Alice could be wrong about _summer_ , but it was the only hope I had – a hope I clung to, as the thought of having lost Edward, and others of my family, was simply too unbearable.

Aro was quite aware of the atrocities he committed. Despite having made such a law, it didn't hold him back from murdering his own sister to keep Marcus from leaving. Aro always felt he was above the law.

In my search for more memories, I saw the memories of Joham. Aro had discovered Joham many years ago. He was a self-proclaimed scientist who created _hybrids_. I was shocked to realize that male vampires could father children, as long as the female was a human.

I was pained and disturbed when I saw what Aro did to the children. He tested them just as vigorously as he did the normal vampires, but added additional tests to see if it could be changed completely when bitten. As hybrids had blood, he also tested their survivability when losing their blood, or when starving. The hybrids usually died pretty quickly without food or blood. They were far weaker than vampires and turned insane much faster.

He also inseminated human females and changed them into vampires in their last trimester, just to see what happened. It was horrific. The female and fetus would both be changed, but as the fetus was a part of the female when she was changed, it stopped being a hybrid, and fully transformed into a raging vampire baby, that would destroy the female from within as it slowly clawed its way out of her, despite her being a vampire. It was impossible to repair the female vampires after the destruction the babies had caused on their way out.

I had been wrong when I first concluded that losing a head would be a death-sentence. It obviously looked like being clawed into pieces could destroy a vampire as well. Curious, Aro had had a hybrid inseminated with vampire sperm, to see what kind of child came from it. As expected, it was a hybrid as well. The traits seemed random. Their pain threshold was the same as other hybrids and so was their ability to produce venom, which seemed to only lie with the male hybrid. The females were _vampirically_ _sterile_.

He also inseminated them with human seed, which turned made the babies more human-like, but still strong. Some even had abilities, but looked more human and fared really well in the sun.

Once a vampire was done being tested it was burned.

Aro had had no shame and he had had no OFF-button. I was more relieved than ever that he was dead, but I worried for the prisoners still locked in Volterra. Somewhere, a few lone prisoners, defeated with starvation, were locked away. I hoped whoever found them would kill them fast – they deserved to _move on_.

* * *

Seeing what Aro had done made me feel shattered. In the beginning, when the memories had first overwhelmed me, I had felt like I had lost myself – forgotten who I was.

As I slowly gained awareness, I remembered who I was, and I had felt ill and horrified at what I had seen. I wanted so much to hide away. I wanted more than ever to _sleep_ and forget all about it.

"Edward…" I whispered, painfully. I felt my entire body yearn for him. I needed him so much. A part of me fretted and considered contingency plans, though a greater part of me refused to give up.

* * *

From his memories, I gathered that he had briefly entertained the idea of imprisoning some of my family. His jealousy of Carlisle was almost enough that he had considered punishing us, and I was relieved when he had decided against it.

This lead me to explore the memories regarding his view on my family, or rather, his view on Alice, to be more specific.

In his memories, I found that Aro had coveted Alice. He wanted her, but he was keenly aware how unlikely it was that he'd get her. Despite Aro's distaste for the way we lived, he seemed acutely aware that our bond was stronger than the bonds in a normal coven.

When Edward had asked Aro to make someone stop, I now realized it had been Chelsea. She had had somewhat trouble breaking our bonds, but while she would've no doubt succeeded if given more seconds, Aro hadn't bothered enough to explore it. He had already decided to kill us all, especially Alice, because he knew that if he didn't, her visions of the future could ensure that she could warn herself. He had felt regret at this, but it wasn't borne from kindness, but merely regret of wasting her talents.

Aro was aware of how the Cullens lived their lives, but he mostly ignored it – mainly because he detested Carlisle. However, upon realizing that I was with them, Aro had lost his patience and found a good _excuse_ to eradicate Carlisle.

After careful research, Aro had quickly found out what gifts our family possessed, and while he wanted Alice's gift more than anything, he was also very aware that it would be almost impossible. The only solution, as to make sure that she couldn't warn us or herself, would be to destroy her.

Alice never suspected anything as long as Aro contemplated his idea and didn't add a specific date, so that Alice saw something. He did his best to ensure he wouldn't give us an edge, but I recalled a moment from my human life where Alice experienced issues with her vision, and I wondered if the two visions were related.

When the Volturi arrived at the Cullen house, Aro had Alec use his power as the first thing on Alice, to cut off her senses and ensure she didn't see anything, and only when the talking was over did Aro ensure that Alice died as the first thing.

It was hard to realize how long Aro had planned this, and how careful he had been. I was pained on Carlisle's behalf, knowing that he had been betrayed so deeply by one he called a friend. I worried about the day I would have to tell him the truth – he would be devastated. Carlisle's goodness was his greatest asset.

* * *

Despite being _upset_ , I still had things to do. I had to feed my family. Between the painful memories, I dragged myself from the vivid memories to feed my family. I was pained by what I had learned and intent of defying his experiments regarding resurrection of vampires.

"Please get better," I whispered, painfully, to Edward. "I need you more than ever. I feel so alone, and Aro's memories are terrible… I wish you were here to help me…" He didn't respond. "Please come back to me," I whispered. Nothing happened.

To my endless frustration, their limbs still seemed to need duct tape. There was no visible change.

* * *

In the two weeks between meeting Jenks, I had been busy with Aro's memories. I painstakingly went through them all, combing them for information about venom and anything else that was usable.

There was plenty of useful information, just not necessarily useful regarding my family. The useful information was regarding vampires out in the world – possible enemies, spies and such. For the briefest of moments, I had almost worried about having killed the Volturi upon realizing what other vampire might want to make a bid for the throne. Some of them were not necessarily into keeping the vampire race a secret.

I feared, and genuinely hoped, that no one would find out about the Volturi missing. The problem was, of course, that it was now over four months ago, and there were still a few vampires left in Italy. From Aro's mind, I saw a small handful of vampires, ungifted, that kept an eye out. I worried what they would do when they realized that their masters _wouldn't_ come back. I could only hope that it hadn't just been Chelsea who kept their loyalty strong.

These thought only strengthened my need to move again. I was considering living in the middle of Manhattan or New York City, to living in a cave somewhere not even vampire would consider looking. Both had pros and cons, and I considered them carefully as I ran to my meeting with Jenks.

Like last time, I dressed in the bathroom of a bar, and like last time, the humans stared. My control was just as perfect as ever, but in my haste I heard their hearts pick up speed in fear – I needed to hone my human acting skills.

"Mr. Jenks," I greeted, having followed his scent easily from the lobby of the hotel and into the café.

"Ms. Miller," Jenks replied, smiling lightly. Jenks looked more rested tonight and less frazzled than when I last saw him. I hoped I could control my allure and neither frighten nor seduce him accidentally. "May I offer you a drink?" He gestured to the drink menu.

I smiled, relieved. "Yes please, just water," I asked. I might not be a great actor when it came to my human-ness, but I could drink water, according to Aro, and I remembered clearly how _human_ Edward had looked when I had seen him eat – before I had known he was a vampire.

I sipped the water, tasting the metallic taste from the pipes, as well as a faint taste of chlorine. I didn't particularly like the taste, but it went down easily. I imagined I might not need to purge later – if I drank blood. Then it would just be diluted blood. Jenks seemed to relax when he saw me drink, but I think that was a more unconscious thing on his part.

"I hope you're well," Jenks small-talked. I tried my best not to tap my fingers on the table in impatience.

"Well, very. And you?" I replied, smiling ever so slightly. I wanted to leave – my family were at home unprotected. It made me feel uncomfortable. Jenks seemed to notice my stiff smile or my impatience, or perhaps both, and he produced a gift – complete with bow and all.

"Happy birthday," Jenks grinned at me, making me chuckle lightly. I hadn't expected this. I opened the gift gently and peered inside.

"Thank you so much, it's just what I needed," I laughed lightly, playing along, but accidentally attracting the attention of nearby humans, as well as Jenks, making them gape. I tried to tone it down. "Thank you," I added in a more hushed tone. From what I could see, it was all in order. It looked like the passport I had owned as a human, but really, I had _no_ idea.

Jenks inclined his head, telling me that it was no problem wordlessly.

"I bought you a sweater," I lied, handing over small bag.

"You shouldn't have." Jenks winked at me as he quickly skimmed it. I knew he hadn't counted the money, but I assumed he trusted me well enough, considering his earlier dealings with the family.

"It was wonderful to see you again. Do say hello to your wife. We really enjoyed the dinner," I said smoothly as I stood. The waiter was very close to us, obviously keeping an eye on me. Jenks had noticed too.

"Will do. She told me to say 'hi'." Jenks nodded his head and kissed my hand gentlemanly. The waiter looked very much like he wanted to do the same, but I turned before he got the chance to speak up. If my heart could beat, I was sure it would've been halfway out my chest. For all the crazy stuff I had done as a vampire, sitting in sight of humans and exchanging false pleasantries as well as illegal documents, this made me feel more of a criminal than anything.

* * *

The next few days were spent intensely scouring for a new home.

"I don't know what to do," I told Irina. "I have no idea about _your_ economy. You've gotten mail – magazines and such, but no bills…" I ranted. "I think I will store your things as well – just to be safe. Where would you prefer to live?" I fretted about, worrying about the pros and cons.

"Edward?" I wondered.

"I'd prefer to be in a cave, but I can see the merit of having humans around us – cloaking us," I replied with Edward's _voice_.

"I miss you," I whispered.

"I miss you, too," I whispered in reply, with no thought of who of my family was supposed to reply. Perhaps they all replied.

I knew I needed humans around me to remove the scent of vampires, but I didn't want too many out of fear of being discovered. At the same time, I didn't like the thought of my family coming to in a crowded, human place. They would be parched and I had to ensure that no accidents happened.

My options were limited, though. I had to stay in an English speaking country, because I didn't know any other language, and I didn't want to stand out more than I did. This meant that Russia was out of the question, even though it was close. That's not to say that I relinquished my idea of living in Russia. The problem was, that if I chose to live there, I would choose a secluded place, like a cave somewhere in the mountains. However, moving around in the mountains with 12 large crates would obviously be difficult, so I would keep Russia my Plan B – the plan I would execute if Hell broke loose.

For now, I chose a place in not far from Vancouver, Canada. There were plenty of humans, and I lived close to mountains, so that I could escape if needed to, and there was plenty of wildlife. I would need to hunt often to produce venom, but I also hoped that living amongst humans would help me produce more.

Having a new identity meant I could use a bank, if I needed to. I still had the Cullen credit cards, which I didn't like to use because it was _Cullen_. I doubted there were any hardcore trackers in the vampire community that used human tools to find someone, but I couldn't take the chance, so I needed to change that as well.

It was complicated, but thanks to my vampire allure – and quite a bit of corruption, the bank's representative was eager to help me set up a shell-company in the United States, which allowed me to keep my transactions private and more manageable. I was glad for my perfect memory, because otherwise I would've been very confused about the things he told me.

As it was, I spent my scouring for a proper home in Vancouver, as well as packing and storing. Between the two, I read books about shell companies and how to manage your finances. My biggest fear was that someone would find a trail and lead it back to me – be it human or vampire. I made plenty of contingency plans – just in case I would need it.

Of course, I might just be overreacting. The place the Volturi died showed no signs of struggle. Technically, there was nothing leading vampires to the Cullen house. But I worried that if there was, even just the tiniest thing, they would be able to look into the Cullens and see the trail. This had also been why I decided to go for a new identity and a Shell Company.

* * *

Summer had reached Alaska, and considering how mild the summers were where I was, I regretted that I would have to leave. I took off in the evening, renting another trailer at a well-known place, which meant I could leave it at their people in Canada.

I drove carefully, fearful of hurting my family.

"It's so beautiful," I admitted as I drove, speaking to myself and my family. "I can't believe it's summer…" It was now six months ago that the Volturi had attacked. For six months my family had been unresponsive and for six months I had been alone. It was taking its toll on my sanity.

"I do hope we can come back here… I am sure we can when you're better," I added. I knew they could hear me with their vampire hearing, even if they lay in the trailer. Well, they would've been able to had they been _awake_.

"I'm sure you're going to love our new house… It'll be nice," I cheered. I continued softly rambling, eventually ending in a song Renee used to insist we sing when we drove long trips.

* * *

The house was generic, but located in an obviously rich neighborhood. It was nothing like the houses the Denali or the Cullens had previously lived in, but it would do. In a way, it looked a bit boring. At least I wouldn't stand out.

Of the houses on the block, this was in the smaller end. It was still huge, no doubt about it, though. There was even a pool. That had been somewhat mandatory, as all of the houses in this range came with a pool. I chose the place, however, because it was located near a forest, which was a direct and easy passage to the mountains.

I felt bad for choosing a place that was close to a kindergarten and a school, especially since I hoped their scents could help mask my own. Still, I knew vampires tended to avoid drawing attention to themselves, and going to a school or kindergarten would be very unlikely. I didn't think I put any humans into danger by coming here – or perhaps I just hoped I didn't?

I listened attentively for heartbeats that indicated if someone was up and awake, and when I found none, I quickly hurried to locate the keys that the realtor had left for me. Then, I just as quickly unloaded my family.

The house I had chosen was specifically selected because it had a large basement and no windows into it. I hoped I could hide my family better this way – away from prying eyes. I already planned to make the door more of a secret entrance, and make it look like there was no basement at all.

As I moved them into their place, I spoke of my ideas.

"We need to make this basement look much better," I commented. "It really does need an overhaul. Perhaps I will buy some paint. We definitely need some air filters down here – hopefully it won't end up smelling of humans too much. But you do need fresh air," I rambled. "Hopefully we can stay here for a while. The neighborhood looks safe and I think we can blend in really well…" I trailed off, feeling almost tired.

Before the sun rose, I made a quick hunting trip – both to satiate myself, but also to check out the hunting ground. It looked like a decent place I had found, and I was happy that everything I would need was close to my family.

* * *

Being new in the neighborhood made people curious. Bizarrely enough, I hadn't actually considered that people would come knocking – it didn't even occur to me that these people would want to see who had arrived.

 _Knock knock_

I had known someone was coming long before the knock, but I had tried to play human and move slow. I opened the door to reveal a woman in her thirties. Her eyes widened when she saw me and I heard her heartbeat quicken. We were beautiful to our prey, and I had stared when I had first seen the Cullens, despite not being affected by their allure. This was much the same.

"Oh- um- I -… Hi!" The woman trailed off, quickly trying to gather herself. "I'm your neighbor, Joanna Ryder," the woman held out a hand, and I shook her hand, cursing myself that I had actually forgotten my heat pad. She flinched at my cold temperature.

"I'm sorry, it's so warm, so I've been cooling myself down," I lied, apologizing. Her heartrate fell to normal.

"It's so hot," she agreed, giggling lightly.

"My name is Isabella Miller," I quickly greeted. A few heartbeats became more pronounced and I quickly saw a few people look towards us.

"So you just moved here?" Joanna asked, conversationally. I thought this was obvious, but I tried to keep the tone light.

"Yes," I admitted. "I'm from the States originally, but needed a change of air," I revealed, knowing that soon everyone would know.

"Oh, the States!" Joanna grinned happily. "I have family in New Hampshire," she revealed happily. Of course she did. I couldn't cut her off, as it would make a bad impression. I realized now that socializing was something I hadn't taken into account. "I should go, but there's a barbeque later, and I'd _love_ if you'd join us!" Joanna insisted.

"Oh … I- It's all so new and I haven't even unpacked," I apologized.

Joanna looked passed me. "From the looks of things, you haven't even received your things yet. Do you have a place to sleep?" She sounded concerned, and my eyes widened at her offer.

"Um- yes…" I replied, uncomfortably. "I should receive everything _soon_." So now I would have to buy furniture. I had hoped to avoid it, as I didn't think it was necessary. "I'm sorry, but I have to go," I apologized. Joanna nodded and assured me she'd see me again soon. I tried to smile.

I listened as Joanna's step moved further and further away. Thinking back, I should've realized that I wouldn't be able to avoid furnishing the house – the Cullens had always been prepared to make their home look human, so I should've done the same – especially since I had decided to live amongst humans. Humans visiting me would be normal, and perhaps even more so because I was attractive to them. It wasn't something I had considered, and I knew I would have to adjust my expectations.

Worst case scenario would be that I would truly play human and join their barbecues. I would try to avoid this, of course. Best case scenario would be that I managed to keep a polite distance. I would have to figure out a way to be distanced, but human enough so that they didn't ask questions. My priority was my family, and I had really no interest in playing human – not now.

I almost regretted living in a neighborhood. This would've been easier if I had chosen to live outside of town. Of course, that would also make my scent much more obvious… There were pros and cons to everything. I could also just be rude and tell them to leave me alone... The mere thought made me squirm. I didn't like the thought of being unnecessarily cruel.

"I can be human, can't I?" I told Edward as fed him venom. Being so close to humans made my venom production go haywire. I loved it and I eagerly tasted the air, gathering my venom. "I have to fiddle. I can do that, right? Blink my eyes and breathe… I can do this… I can be normal – I can be human. Perhaps if I surround myself better with humans my own scent will be hidden… We will be truly safe, then. No one would be able to find us by scent… I remember you told me how you sometimes smelled so much of me that your family almost thought I was with you…" I trailed off, remembering my human life.

I tried biting his arm, hoping that I could _turn_ him again, but I could tell that it didn't work. My venom didn't seem to enter his body, like it would with a human.

Having had Joanna close by, my venom production was working overtime. I could still smell her in the house, even though she had only been at the entrance. Her natural smell was like peaches, and there was a strong odor of her perfume as well. I inhaled deeply, letting her scent overwhelm me. I was in control.

I tried to do something different than tapping myself dry. Perhaps if I licked their wounds it would be different. Considering different ways, I realized there was one thing I actually hadn't tried. Despite Aro's memories that vampires didn't get stronger from eating humans rather than animals, there was no denying that the human scent was so much more desirable than anything else. Perhaps I could get some blood from a hospital.

I leaned down to lick a tape-free spot on Edward's neck-wound. As I stuck out my tongue, my eyes widened.

The tiniest piece of flesh from his head, a mere strand, was connected to his neck.

* * *

 **Don't worry, Bella won't be social - she simply has no need or inclination to. But she does need the humans for the intense scents. It will help mask her family. Of course, were the human is actual danger, Bella would leave - she's not evil and she doesn't want harm come to any humans.**

 **Please review :)**


	32. Bits and pieces

**Thank you so much for your reviews!**

* * *

 **Chapter 32 – Bits and pieces**

"Edward! EDWARD!" I yelled, while I sobbed tearlessly. I wanted to hug him, but I couldn't – I was too afraid to break the fragile connection. I tried to caress him feebly. "Edward! Please! Edward!" I sobbed in relief. "Edward, I love you! Please talk to me! I am here, right here. Edward, please I love you so much!"

My cries slowly subsided, as Edward didn't reply. I stared at him for an unmeasurable amount of time, trying to see some form of difference, but there was nothing to see – not yet.

"Edward," I whispered, tracing a finger just above his cheek, hardly daring to touch. A small strand from his head was stuck to his neck. This was the first improvement I had seen in half a year. I felt so much relief and pain at the same time. Relief that _something_ had happened, but pain that it wasn't _enough_.

"Alice!" I crawled over to her, searching her body carefully to see if her body parts were stuck – they weren't. I searched the rest of them, and it looked like Jasper might be close to having something stuck together – an arm. I couldn't be certain. So many emotions were running through me. Elation and happiness, but it was tainted by frustration and sadness. I wanted to yell, scream and hit something due to not more happening, but at the same time I felt such a deep relief.

"I need more venom… I need more venom… I was right – you're going to be fine!" I was rambling energetically. I looked towards the window – the sun was shining. I growled angrily, feeling restricted.

"This is idiotic," I hissed, my mood turning instantly, showing just how newborn I actually was. I searched my belongings for a long-sleeved blouse. I found some winter gloves as well, and light scarf among Esme's clothes. I refused to let the sun restrict me– not now. Sure, I might look like an idiot, but I wasn't going to be held back. As long as the sun didn't touch me, I would be fine and no one would know my true secret – they would probably just think that I was strange, but I didn't care! I tried to check myself over in the bathroom mirror, and I tried to make the scarf hide me better, but I had no pins to make it stuck. Frustrated, I hurried to Emmett's bag and found his baseball cap.

I looked ridiculous and I would probably raise a few eyebrows, but I didn't care.

I stood in my door, staring towards Emmett's jeep. Its windows weren't tinted and I regretted not having Carlisle's car.

 _No matter, as long as the sun doesn't touch me_. I bit my lip, frustrated and somewhat uncertain.

I stepped into the sunlight and tried to walk slowly like a human, though I really just wanted to run. I checked myself over and kept my head down, ensuring that the sun didn't reach my reflective skin. I slipped into the car and started it. I saw Joanna stare at me confused from just outside her house, but I didn't acknowledge her as I sped towards the hospital. I had no real idea of what I would do when I got to the hospital, but I had to do _something_.

I wanted to gather venom, and the hospital would definitely help, but perhaps I could try to get some human blood, too.

There was an underground parking lot, which suited me perfectly, and I quickly found a spot. I could already smell the scent of blood. The concentrated scent of blood shortly dazed me and I stilled, fearful of my own reaction. I hadn't eaten well in a while and now I felt like I was being overwhelmed. Perhaps it was a mistake to come here. What if I wasn't strong enough?

But what about Edward and the rest of the family? They needed me. To go back without venom would be a defeat – especially now. Edward needed me.

Edward needed me.

I breathed in deeply, already feeling my muscles in my mouth tense. I spat into a container I had brought with me. I had brought several containers, deciding to stake out the place for a few hours and get as much venom as possible.

I focused on my venom production – it was in overdrive. I needed my venom for Edward and the family. My family lay at home in _pieces_. They had to be better. _I_ had to be better and stronger.

I was in control. I was in control.

My nose took me to a more potent area – the waiting room. There weren't many people, but within milliseconds I had already analyzed each person and their injuries. An elderly man was bleeding from his forehead – this was the most potent smell. He sat with his wife, who tried to tend him as they waited.

Another patient, a small boy, had cut his hand, but I decided to ignore him.

I took a seat on the other side of the elderly couple. I tried to make it look like was taking a sip and not depositing some venom. My mind was abuzz with thoughts about my family. Edward's neck stuck, and Jasper's arm almost stuck. I felt such a great sense of relief and disbelief that I had managed to get results.

Alice's vision haunted me, but I felt much more secure now. It was probably next year. I could live with that. Edward was alive and he would be well. They would all soon be well and everything would be perfect. We'd be together. We'd marry and we'd go travelling again. We'd make love and tell each other over and over how much we loved each other. Yes, this was how it was going to be, I told myself.

 _Everything will be fine_ …

A nurse picked up the elderly man and his wife, but he was soon replaced by another bleeding human. I felt like I was bursting with happiness. I had already filled two bottles of venom. I had two more in the car, and if I picked them up and I could go hunt for some blood. There had to be blood in a hospital, right?

After having switched my bottles, I walked the corridors, letting my nose guide me. A few nurses looked at me curiously, but I think they thought I was looking for someone and I wasn't disturbed.

"I will have to take a blood sample, just to be safe," a male nurse insisted.

"Is that really necessary? I hate needles and I only fell…" The voice of the elderly man responded and I stopped.

"I just want to be certain that there is nothing else wrong…" The nurse insisted. I rolled my eyes. The elderly man would have to pay for it, so of course the nurse insisted. The nurse disappeared for a short period of time.

"They always try to scam us! They just want our money!" The elderly man ranted.

"They just want to be certain," the wife muttered, quietly. The man huffed. The man had hit his head, so surely there was nothing wrong with him to warrant a blood sample? I could steal the sample… I considered the idea, but felt bad. What if there _was_ something wrong with the man and they didn't find out because I had stolen the sample? Or what if the nurse was fired because his boss thought he had lost the sample?

I felt frustrated again and I started sniffing lightly, trying to find a different place. I spent half an hour more, not finding any blood I felt comfortable enough to steal. Their blood-drive wasn't located here, so I couldn't even…

I gasped quietly.

Blood drive. _MY_ blood! I had blood stored _somewhere_!

I stilled. No, my blood would be located near Seattle and there was no way in hell I would leave my family alone for such a long time. I deflated. So what if the elderly man was sick – if the hospital misplaced his blood, then surely they would ask for more. It would be a blunder on their part – perhaps think nothing more of it…

I turned back, just in time to see the another nurse leave the room with the elderly man's blood in a few small flasks. I looked around for cameras, just in case, or anyone who might be looking, but there were none. When the nurse didn't look, I stole the blood from a trolley.

It wasn't much, but hopefully it would be enough to at least entice Edward. I hoped no one would suspect me, and to be safe I stayed for a few minutes, listening in on any conversation that might indicate I had been discovered.

" _I can't find the blood I drew from Mr. Hubbard,"_ _a woman hissed, desperately._

" _Did you forget it in his room?"_

" _No! I looked everywhere. Oh god, this is horrible! Shit!"_

" _Listen, it's probably where you least expect it. I'll help you look…"_

I seemed to be in the clear, so I hurried back. Some of my neighbors spied me arriving home and I hoped no one wouldn't come by to ask any questions, though I suspected Joanna might. Well, technically I hoped she didn't come by at all, of course.

"I have a great idea, Carlisle," I whispered, eagerly as I poured my venom onto their wounds. I tried a new tactic by soaking pieces of toilet paper with venom and laying it on top of their wounds, hoping to keep their wound moist, but the venom seemed to disappear somewhat quickly, forcing me to do what I had done before instead. "I wanted to use my own blood, but I think it's too far away. But please tell me you put it in a storage unit closer to us!" I didn't receive a reply, of course. I tried to go through memories with Carlisle, but nothing indicated where he had put them.

"I brought a bit of blood from the hospital. I knew Aro's memories indicated that vampires aren't better off with human blood, but I _have_ to test it. He could be wrong about this as well!" I continued talking.

"I need to feed you, but _how_? If I slip it down your throats, it leaks from your wounds… How do I get the blood directly into your stomachs?" As I spoke aloud, an idea came to me. What if I had a long plastic tube and I put it into their mouths and all the way into the stomachs? I would be able to feed them with a funnel… Perhaps I could add my own venom to their stomachs as well, instead of just depositing it in their mouths.

In any case, I needed more blood. These blood tests were small and there were only milliliters of blood. "There must be somewhere I can get some blood…" I flicked through my phone, searching for nearby blood drives. There was a knock on my door and I stared up into the ceiling.

"For heaven's sake," I snarled quietly. Joanna, obviously. I quickly finished soaking my family with my venom.

"Isabella!" Joanna greeted as I opened the door. I tried to smile, but I felt like closing the door. I had trouble focusing on anything but Edward. I saw him in my mind, almost, begging me to come back to him. I had to keep our home neutral, however. No one could know, no one could question this. I was normal, just another white human privileged girl living away from her rich parents.

"Joanna," I greeted.

"I saw you earlier. Have you received your furniture yet?" She peered past me.

"No, not yet. They're delayed. My parents are on it…" I lied, tried not to look too angry as that would make me look dangerous.

"I saw you wearing gloves earlier!" Joanna laughed lightly, but obviously very curious. "Are you alright?"

"I suffer from photosensitivity," I replied. From her blank look, I explained. "I suffer from sun allergy. I almost burst into flames if the sun hits me," I lied. Sun sensitivity was a real, if rare, thing. This seemed like a good explanation, anyway. Sure, it would've been strange if an entire family, who shouldn't be blood-related, suffered from it, which I assumed was why the Cullens didn't use the excuse.

"Oh you poor dear!" Joanna whispered, surprised. "I understand. Oh dear," she looked around herself and I could almost see her Canadian mind trying to find a way to help me.

"Please, Joanna. I am quite fine normally. I just need to avoid the sun," I assured her. "I am sorry, but I promised to call my parents and the moving company, to get it resolved…"

"Oh of course, I just wanted to check up on you!" Joanna said goodbye and left me. I didn't bother to wonder about her sincerity, but hurried back to my family. They were just as I left them.

"I will get some more venom," I told Edward, daring to gently slide a finger over his cheek. "This will change everything. Soon you will be well," I told him, seriously.

* * *

"Okay, I got the perfect idea," I announced. "I went to town today – it was a terrifying experience, by the way… Too crowded, too many people…" I shook my head. "Too many stares… I am seriously considering wearing a burka…" I shook my head with distaste. I could control my bloodlust easily, especially since I visited the hospital, but the crowds made me feel uncomfortable and exposed, for some reason. Many people stared, making me feel observed and uncomfortable. "Anyway, in the wonderful DIY store I found this!" I showed them a flexible tube and a funnel. "I think it's feeding time!"

It took a bit of work, but I gently managed to put the tube through Edward's mouth and into his stomach. I had read up on it online to ensure I went through the correct tube to his stomach and not his lungs. It wasn't a whole lot of blood I had taken from the hospital. So far, I had kept it cold in a freeze box, and I let it warm up before I poured it into Edward's mouth.

The smell wasn't absolutely mouthwatering – despite it being from a human. I think it was because it was _old_. Still, the scent of the blood was delectable, but taking some for myself didn't even cross my mind.

Once there was no more blood left, I gave added some animal blood. I was afraid to give him too much, since he'd overflow.

I did the same with the rest of the family – except they only got animal blood. And then I waited. Of course, I became impatient and decided to browse for cheap furniture.

"I love this old coffee table. Seller says that it's a fixer-upper," I commented. "I think you'd love it, Esme… Well, if it wasn't so gross… I think I'll buy it. That way I can frighten off the neighbors. I've been considering my alibi," I turned to my family with a grin.

"I'm Isabella Miller, daughter of wealthy parents who work with something with papers. I'm not clear on that, since I never gave a damn. I just like what they provided me. I've never really grown out of my teenage years and I am very privileged… I planned to take a year off to _find myself_." I snorted with laughter before continuing. "My parents bought the house, but since I am, like, totally into being green and being considerate to the earth and all living things, I only got 1 pool, and the house is smaller than I am used to. I also bought my furniture on sale and second hand, because the _little people_ needs to survive as well…" I laughed quietly. "Don't I just sound terrible? Like, totally?" I tried to mimic a teenager I had seen on a show.

"No, but seriously, though. Hopefully the house will be off-putting enough for them to avoid coming here often…" I explained.

* * *

"My eyes are golden", I whispered to Edward. "I wish you could see them," I told him. "I've had red eyes for such a long time and it looks very different. But I like it. At least now I can stop wearing contact lenses or sunglasses…" Carlisle had prepared to have a newborn in the house, and he had stocked the house with contact lenses. I recalled vaguely that he had told me about buying them when I had been human. I guess he knew from experience that it was a good idea. Edward didn't respond from his crate and I clenched my jaw. "I love you…"

My sanity fluctuated, as did my mood.

* * *

Joanna had told the others about my sun allergy, but people were still cordial towards me and had greeted me pleasantly. I felt very welcome into the neighborhood – even if I was a lot younger than them. I think my age was a good thing, because it made me stand out and made my neighbors less inclined to invite me to any more gatherings.

I could hear them easily from my own house, when they spoke. The girls seemed somewhat jealous and reminded each other that I was _young_ , despite them not being that much older – only 10 years older or so. Still, whatever floated their boat and made them feel better. Still, telling themselves that I was so young made me look less of a threat to their marriages, and I think that was good.

The men gossiped rarely, but sometimes they would comment, and I was made very aware that they all found me attractive. Young, somewhat odd, but attractive.

 _Too bad she has sun allergy. I wouldn't mind seeing her in a bikini_ …

They didn't even consider my age a problem, because, as they joked, I was _old enough_. Still, I appreciated that it was all talk and nothing else. 1

The general story was that I was a white, privileged girl of 23 years. I was taking a break to _find myself_. If that didn't sound privileged, I didn't know what did.

"The furniture arrived. How wonderful." Joanna smiled and looked past me. I assumed she wanted an invitation inside, and I stepped to the side to allow her inside. I could hardly refuse, without seeming like a bitch. Still, I suspected Joanna only visited to know what went on. She wasn't a cruel gossiper or anything, but she _did_ want to know what went on, and her personality, being very outgoing, was ideal when greeting new people.

"Yes, I'm keeping it very earthy," I lied skillfully. The tables were discolored and the couch smelled of tobacco and… other things. I wouldn't sit down in it, ever. Evidently, neither would Joanna.

"Oh, how lovely," she said, unconsciously dusting off her expensive summer dress.

"Yes, I just feel these things had so much more personality," I replied, trying to sound like a teenager who had just discovered Buddhism: overkilling it.

"Oh, wow," Joanna agreed, reluctantly. "Well, I should go," Joanna said and slipped to the door. "I should warn you, Linsey's husband's brother is coming to visit, he's 25 by the way and studying to become a doctor…" She was almost too kind, but I knew that she was simply worried about my obvious attractiveness. So far, she had kept her own husband far from me, and I had even heard her on the more silent evenings talk with her husband about me. She was very kind regarding me, but I could tell she didn't like the hold I had over the men who had met me: they stared – to put it mildly. I doubted she thought her husband would cheat on her, but he might stare, and that made her uncomfortable.

It made _me_ uncomfortable, too. I tried to wear as much clothes as possible and look as neutral as possible.

I doubted they would act on it; it was just something men said for fun. It still made me uncomfortable hearing it. I was lucky their Canadian blood held them on a true course, and when I had first met Lindsey's husband he went to great lengths to avoid me – without being obvious about it.

* * *

"Feeding time… No more human blood, though," I admitted. I had hunted animals and gathered quite a bit of blood.

"So, today I got our first mail! It was a bill – very boring. I'm considering signing up for some magazines, perhaps I could read for you. I'm sure you'd like to know what goes on in the world…" I told them as I prepared them their dinner. However, as I stuck down the tube – gently – into Alice's throat I noticed a bit of a difference from the last time. It was as if it was harder. I frowned, removing the tube.

What was this? I tried to check if something was changed, but she looked like she had last time. As I inspected the tip of the tube, I saw a bit of red. I could smell dried blood. I bit my lip, painfully, as I tried not to cry.

Their bodies hadn't reacted to the blood. Their bodies hadn't processed it. The blood had become stale had hard inside their bodies.

"Don't panic, it might just be Alice who is messing with me…" I told myself and cleaned the tube. I stuck it gently down Edward's throat, but found the same form of blockage.

"Oh no, oh no…" I whispered, fearfully. I suspected that my family needed venom, what else could the reason be for not being able to revive? But now I realized that without enough venom, the blood wouldn't break down in their stomachs – it would simply become stale and harden.

"Fuck," I whispered, frustrated. I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair. This was bad.

On the plus side, I now knew that my family was out of venom. I was giving them my venom, but 12 vampires had to share it. I would need to produce more venom – or only focus on Edward. I felt bad for doing only that – even though I wanted to just that very much. Still, I owed so much to Carlisle and Esme and my conscious refused the idea of not helping them. I would just have to produce more – and more often. I would have to be better.

"Calm yourself, Bella," I told myself. I steadied my mind as I tried to think of a way to remove the dried blood. "Venom dissolves blood, or whatever it does to it…" I told myself. "I need more venom…" I rose from my seat and prepared to leave the house. I brought my bottles and started wondering if I should buy more of them.

I drove to the hospital. It was easily the best place to produce venom, and I sat in a hallway, allowing the smells to take me in. As I sat, I started to consider my predicament. The blood had become stale and dry, which had to mean that their system was either out of venom, or that their venom wasn't working properly.

Considering how their venom didn't even heal themselves, I leaned towards the idea that my family had lost their venom. How this had happened I had no idea, because I never saw them lie in a puddle of venom. Somehow, venom had to disappear by itself. It could be that it reacted with air, somehow, and evaporated. I did notice that licking them only lasted for few minutes, and when I had used venom-moist paper on their wounds the paper had either dried up fast or dissolved.

So what did I know about venom? It was very flammable, like a solvent. Solvents, like alcohol, produced vapors that could be flammable. Was venom like a solvent? Did it vaporize? I hadn't smelled it at all. Of course, I was busy and I might not have noticed it. Did venom even have a smell?

I looked towards my flask with venom. It didn't really smell. How strange that I had never considered this.

I decided to make my own experiments. When I got home, all my bottles filled to the brim, I fed my family with it and hoped my venom would dissolve the blood – or whatever it did. I saved just a bit of venom and put it in a glass. The venom looked like spit. I tried to see if I could see any vaporization, but it must've happened too slowly.

I used a lighter to ignite the air above my venom – just to see if there was something. There was a small spark! I gasped and leaned away, surprised.

This was huge. This was definitely a big deal. The short spark had indicated that my venom did, indeed, vaporize. The venom in the glass evaporated noticeably as I stared at it. Whatever evaporated was concentrated enough to cause a small spark. Venom was _extremely_ flammable.

I would need many more quantities, obviously, if I had to heal my family. In the time it took for me to tape them up, their venom had already left their bodies – possibly. It begged me to wonder if vampires could somehow dry out. Like, if they kept their mouths open for too long? How did we produce _more_ venom? There was nothing in us that worked, so how exactly did we manage to produce anything?

 _But then again, who said there was nothing in us that works? It's just an assumption, and there HAS to be something that helps us produce it – we need blood, after all, to eat._

Yet, I recalled the poor vampire in Aro's memories who was forced to go without feeding. Even without blood, venom could sustain us, but it that's all it did.

I shook my head, confused. I obviously had no idea, and I wouldn't be able to look into it before my family were better. Still, in my head I kept track of all my observations.

The biggest problem was that we couldn't exactly cut into a vampire and see how they worked. We were too sturdy. But it had to be connected to our brains and possibly spine, since losing a head could kill a vampire. I would have to do more experiments, and ponder the results.

But most importantly. I would have to produce even more venom.

* * *

In September my neighbor fell from his ladder. I was ecstatic, since he was bleeding rather heavily and the basement, where I had a fresh airflow, was infected with the smell of blood. It was delicious.

"What a treat for you!" I told my family. "Smell that! That's Mr. Johansen's blood!"

I sniffed eagerly, producing venom and gathering it. Since having decided that I needed to produce more venom, I had also learned that it often left me feeling _tired_. It wasn't as if I was falling asleep or anything, but I could feel the lack of venom. Usually, I could spend a minute near a human and then I would be well again.

I was starting to wonder if there was more than one venom production facility in me. When I smelled something, my mouth started to _water_ , so to speak. When I tasted animals I would produce venom as well – though not as much as I did when I smelled a mere human. I was beginning to be pretty sure that the venom production had to be in the head, somewhere. At the same time, I had an idea that I had to swallow the venom – into my stomach, where it would be distributed throughout my body and where it would dissolve the blood I ate. Or whatever it did with it. Either way, the production _seemed_ to happen in the head somewhere, or throat, and the distribution through the stomach. Seeing how fast venom seemingly evaporated, I assumed that losing your head meant you removed the two things that needed to work together to function, thus resulting in _death_.

It was just an idea, and I had no real evidence to back it up, except for my vague experiments. I didn't have the time or inclination to further look into it, for what I could gather my venom _did_ help, which meant I _needed_ to use it all on Edward and the family.

* * *

I didn't give my family blood again; I simply didn't dare waste my venom on trying to dissolve it if it didn't work on them.

I spent most of my time at the hospital, sniffing blood and depositing venom. Doing it for longer periods of time made me incredibly _hungry_ , for some strange reason. I imagined it was like dangling food in front of a human. I hunted more often and I spent more time at the hospital. This meant I was forced to buy a video camera to my home, so that I could check what happened while I was away. I had a camera pointed straight at Edward, because I needed to look at him as often as possible.

I also bought a video camera to tape what they had missed. I made my own little recording studio where I pretended to be a news anchor, talking about the current news and what they missed.

"So far, there are no information regarding the Volturi. Italy is screwed as they have always been, but nothing indicate that vampires are involved," I spoke seriously into the camera.

"This is all from Isabella Miller. Thank you for watching and Edward I love you."

* * *

By September, everyone had bits and pieces sticking. With my vampire vision I could tell that more strings were getting attached from Edward's head and to his body, the same with Jasper's arm. I was beyond happy and excited.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading. Leave a review if you like the story :)**


	33. Crazy yoyo

A few have asked why Bella doesn't focus solely on Edward – perhaps making him heal faster. The reason for this is that, while Bella really do want to do just that, she feels like she owes the entire Cullen family for all they have done for her – especially Carlisle and Esme who took her in and were so kind.

Bella still doesn't know enough about venom, or venom versus time, so she doesn't want to take the chance of focusing on Edward. She would rather just turn into a venom-producing machine than leave anyone behind – even for a short period of time.

* * *

 **Chapter 33 – Crazy yoyo**

As a vampire, I had a pretty large emotional range. I could feel so many different emotions at once. Yet, when Edward and Jasper's improvements didn't advance fast enough, and nor did the rest of my family advance, I sort of slipped into a form of depression.

Considering how elusive venom seemed to be, my strongest and most prominent theory was that my family had dried up, and was now merely a shell. I would have to work hard to produce venom to kick-start them. Since I was reluctant to leave them all behind and simply focus on Edward, I decided that I _would_ need to do something different. I continued giving them all the venom I had, but once in a while I would have a day solely focused on Edward, Carlisle and Esme.

The following months went by fast. I hardly noticed them, as my mind was solely focused on gathering venom for my family – though they didn't seem to get better than what I had already observed, which had only been observed with Edward and Jasper. My strength to withstand humans equaled Carlisle's, there was no doubt about this. I hardly noticed it, though. I never once considered how edible the humans were to me – not as I had earlier. Now, all thoughts were about the venom the humans made me produce – venom that I needed for my family. It was a precious resource – the most precious one I had.

I spent my time at the hospital - or hunting when I found that I no longer could put it off. This meant I was rarely home – something that hurt a lot, since being away from Edward was a physical strain on me.

Somehow, I tried to make my life seem more normal. When I was home, I carried on reading magazines to my family, and I started telling them more about my day and my observations. The more I spoke, the farther from my family I felt I was becoming – the more I spoke, the more I realized how little I actually knew of them. Edward was over a hundred years old, and I only knew a tiny part of him. He had told me stories, but it was just stories. I had looked forward to spending the next hundred years with him – make up for lost time – but now… Now…

My depression made me ridiculously chattier, in a strange attempt to stabilize my crumbling world. I spoke out loud for the benefit of my family, but perhaps also myself. The silence grated on my nerves, and yet watching TV or listening to music held no meaning to me and made me frustrated as well.

In my attempts at normalcy I tried to buy groceries – to look normal to an outsider. It was a weak attempt to keep up some form of façade, as I felt my life was crumbling around me. I tried to cook as well, clearly remembering the time where cooking had made me feel calm. Now, it seemed meaningless. I never had to look at the recipe, I never had to focus on my task. I took out a casserole with my bare hands, not even realizing that I probably should've used gloves. Not that I was hurt, I was far too sturdy. Still, most things I had liked when I was human now seemed meaningless.

I felt frustrated that I was beginning to realize that I didn't know who _Vampire Bella_ was, and I needed Edward to join me on the journey.

I tried to look normal and act normal, but as time passed, I found it was difficult to care and keep up the pretense.

The positive thing about spending most of my time at the outside the house was that I was rarely home, which meant that I avoided _connecting_ with my neighbors. Everyone still waved politely when they saw me, but visits were rare.

Joanna had warned me that someone's brother would be in town. He had given me one look, obviously enthralled by my beauty, and had decided to ask me out.

To be honest, I might've seemed pretty crazy. I had just gotten home from the hospital – my eyes were utterly wide and probably entirely black from having sniffed blood an entire day. There wasn't much human about me, yet I tried feebly.

I looked, without a doubt, crazy. He had backed off pretty quickly, and I heard him rambling about how weird I had seemed and how strange I had looked – dressed in weird clothes, almost hiding away, and there some something weird about me

He thought I was crazy. Beautiful, sure, but too crazy for it to be worth it. Even Joanna's visits started to become rare. I didn't mind the slightest. I had tried to craft a holistic, hippie-wannabe personality, and I was happy that it was pretty off-putting – however, I think I managed to be off-putting without even trying. Most of the time I just seemed… _off_. Weird. Not dangerous, just… Strange. Not really there.

That's what I heard them saying. I had giggled insanely to myself as I related the news to my family, of how my neighbors thought I had a screw loose. I laughed some more… And more… And then I had started wailing because I missed Edward.

As the time passed, Joanna stopped visiting all together, and people generally stopped greeting me. I didn't greet back, and sometimes I didn't even open the door. I hadn't meant to be a cold, but despite my expansive mind, I often found myself unable to tear myself away from Edward and my family – at least not to open the door to meaninglessly chat with someone. I just couldn't manage it. I was a stranger in the neighborhood.

* * *

"Surprise!" I showed Alice her gift. "It's an elf costume! I won't put it on you now, you're still too fragile, but soon!" I assured her, laughing gleefully. It was rare that I was happy, as I was so focused on the task ahead of me. At the hospital I had heard talk about Halloween and I decided I needed the event to try to get out of the sad cycle I was in – and to cheer up my family. In my head, they laughed at my silliness.

I had bought the entire family Halloween costumes. Edward and I matched – together we were a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Of course, I was the only one actually wearing a costume. I had also received more subscription of magazines. What a way to spend Halloween – dressed up and reading with the family.

"Esme, I love the new garden magazine _you've_ bought," I told her and opened the magazine as I sat next to her. "It's quite pretty, but nothing like what _you_ can do," I assured her. I started reading from page one. Once I had read the entire magazine I continued onwards to Rosalie.

"You're subscribing to _Cars_ …" I told Rosalie. "They have quite a few babes showing off the cars – I am sure you could do it much better," I told her. I looked at her in her coffin – despite looking like a dead porcelain doll, she was still exceedingly beautiful. As with Esme, I read the articles out loud and commented on what I read. I tried to make it entertaining for Rosalie, and in my mind I pretended that I made her laugh.

It became a ritual to read out loud and comment each month from the magazines.

* * *

Being crazy made me happy. Whenever I was home, I would dally around and talk about the events of the world, about the magazines I read for them and whatever else was on my mind. I had lengthy conversation with Edward about our future and dreams, trying almost neurotically to create a future for us in a weak attempt to anchor me.

As Thanksgiving came around my mood dropped even further. It was a year ago since I last saw my parents, since we sat at the table with the Cullens and laughed and enjoyed ourselves, completely unaware of the future vision Alice would have merely one day later.

What was Renee and Charlie doing right now? How often did they think about me? Did they miss me? How were they? Had they looked in my laptop and found my diary – it was easy to find and filled with love for my life and family.

The memories of my human life had been vague, but I did try to remember, despite it hurting.

I bit my lip, staring at my phone. What if I called them? Perhaps not Charlie, I couldn't take that chance… But Renee?

It was a bad idea - I knew it was. Still, I couldn't ignore the depressing feeling that had settled inside of me. I needed _something_. For a moment, I focused only on the bad things. My family were still in pieces, my mom and dad thought I was dead, I was alone. I missed Edward.

I dialed.

" _Hello?"_ Renee sounded so much like herself, and I squeezed my eyes shut in pain. _"Hello? Who is this?"_ She hung up on me when I didn't answer.

I let out a strangled sob. As much as the pain hurt me, I still longed to hear her voice. I wished I could talk to her. Was she happy? Had she gotten over me? In a year, probably not. She had Phil, though. Charlie didn't have anyone.

Except for Billy… I gasped to myself. Perhaps I could call Billy and ask. I found Billy's number online in a matter of seconds, but no one responded when I dialed.

 _He's not home… He's with Charlie_ …

A rush went through me at the knowledge that Billy, a person I would be able to talk to, was with my father in this very moment. I stared out the window, longing for the time to pass faster. As darkness enveloped the house, and people were tugged away with their families, I decided to hunt. I saved some in a flask – not for my family, but for myself. I still didn't dare to give them blood out of fear that the venom I gave them would be used to dissolve the blood rather than fill them up.

"Cheers." I took a swig of the flask. I was sitting by Edward's coffin, the rest of the family scattered around us in the basement in their coffins as well.

"I'm thankful for…" I tried to keep a positive mind. It was hard. "Nothing," I growled angrily and threw the flask against the wall. I put more force into it than I meant, and it shattered in tiny, tiny pieces all over the place. The blood spattered all over the place as well, and I saw both glass and blood on my family.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, brokenly.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered.

"I love you, Edward…"

* * *

I was still depressed. I think depressed was a wrong word, since I had so much emotional space to feel everything at once. Still, I felt better upon realizing that I would be able to contact Billy – perhaps even Jacob?

In the morning after Thanksgiving I called Billy.

" _Hello?"_

"Billy… It's Bella." It sounded so weird to talk to Billy – so surreal. It had been so long since I had really talked to anyone – anyone who knew the truth.

 _"Bella…"_ Billy sounded surprised. I could hear him sinking. There was more to his tone, but I ignored it – too happy and relieved to hear his voice.

"I'm so glad to hear your voice… How's Charlie?" I felt like laughing at the weirdness of the situation. I was so comforted.

 _"You've changed,"_ Billy noted, not answering my question.

"Yes, Billy-" I replied, but he cut me off.

 _"Bella, you shouldn't have called,"_ Billy quietly reprimanded me. Something tickled my brain – lost memories resurfacing.

"Can- can I talk to Jacob?" I whispered. The high I had been on was swept away and replaced with a sinking, dull feeling. Billy didn't approve.

 _"No. It's best that you don't call – or come back."_ Billy's voice was firm, but unapologetic.

"Billy- please-" I whispered. A broken sob escaped me. "Something happened and I have no one to talk to-"

 _"Did the leeches leave you?"_ Billy's voice was hard, accusing.

"No! But someone tried to fight us and my family isn't _well_ -" I tried to explain.

 _"It's not my concern, Bella,"_ Billy cut me off.

"Billy, please, I don't have anyone else right now-"

 _"Bella, enough. You're one of them – I don't want to know more…"_ His voice was resigned, yet unremorseful.

"Just let me explain-"

 _"Enough. You made your choice, didn't you?"_ Billy accused, angrily. I fell silent, pained by his tone and accusations.

"Please tell me about Charlie…" I whispered, trying a different route.

 _"I have to think of the pack and Forks, Bella. You have to understand that. You're our enemy now. It's not just a word, you know. It's a fact you cannot get around – ask your leech family what it's like to be near wolves. You've made your choice. Don't call again."_ He hung up on me. I let go on the phone, lest I destroy it, and it fell to the floor. He didn't understand, but it wouldn't have mattered if I had tried to make him understand. I recalled now, perfectly, how unwilling he had been to let me change. I recalled Jacob saying that the elders had forbidden him from talking to me.

I had no one. He didn't even tell me about Charlie…

* * *

I felt emotionally unpredictable. I was like a hurricane. I had so much space to so many emotions, I could switch easily between them – unwillingly. I wasn't like a newborn – I didn't rage like I had done when I had been changed. My moods changed like a newborn, but it was more introvert. Sometimes, I sat for days just staring at Edward. I tried to fight it – to be strong for him – but I felt as if I was fighting my own mind. I had to be productive – I had to produce venom.

I had to be better.

* * *

"Hello! This is Bella! Obviously!" I laughed lightly at the camera. "And this is you," I pointed the camera towards my lifeless family, all lying in their coffins. "The tape is still necessary, because your limbs don't stick together that much," I explained. "But it's better than before…" It had been a while since it had happened now. Nothing new seemed to occur. I tried to ignore this – intent of being positive and productive.

"I really should give you a shower, you look terrible," I commented thoughtfully, trying to keep a smile for the camera. Inside I winched, frustrated that I had forgotten a simple thing such as making sure they were clean. Of course, there wasn't much I could do unless I wanted to disturb their fragile bodies. "Well, I promise to shower you when your limbs stick together better," I promised.

"So, it's Christmas soon, our first real Christmas together. I don't count last year," I laughed lightly again, feeling insanely giddy.

"Did you know Aro killed his own sister? Marcus's wife?" I suddenly wondered. "I swear, Carlisle, you'd have a field trip with my mind. I have so much information!" I revealed with a laugh. "I am sorry, though, that Aro tricked you some gruesomely…"

"So it wasn't this summer your vision talked about, obviously." I directed the camera towards Alice. "Next summer! I'm sure it's next summer…"

* * *

"Edward, I love you…"

"I love you, Bella," I replied to myself.

* * *

"It's Christmas morning! Good morning everyone! I hope you slept well!" I burst into the basement, my arms full of presents. "I bought you all presents, I can't wait for you to see them! I decided we would draw names, so we only get one present each. Sorry, Alice, but I put a cap on your spending. You tend to overdo it." The presents were distributed amongst my family. "I think this must be the first Christmas ever where you kept it within limits." I laughed as I imagined how Alice would react to this. She'd try to overdo things to make up for _lost time_.

"So, let's see what you got, Esme," I sat down by her, kissed her gently on her forehead, and picked up a present. "This one is from Emmett. How exciting! I wonder what he got you?" I laughed to myself and tore off the wrapper. "Oh look! Another garden magazine!" I showed it to Esme's closed eyes.

"It has a garden on the front page," I explained. "And there's also a vegetable garden and tips!" I said to her. I started reading the magazine for her, commenting on whatever I read – just like I did with our regular magazines. "Emmett didn't just get you a magazine, Esme. He also got you a new watch…" I had actually _tried_ to find something. I found Christmas shopping droll, but it helped that I had enough money to go into really high ends shops, where I could avoid the majority of the humans. I dished out explanations of my family to the eager sales assistants, and they had found what I needed.

I felt bad, now. It was impersonal. If I didn't _try_ , I might not do anything at all. I would be better next time.

"Next is Carlisle," I announced, moving onwards. "This one is from Eleazar! Oooh how exciting! I wonder what he got you!" I bounced with false excitement. "Let's see!" I tore off the wrapper and revealed a subscription to a medical journal. "Oh interesting! I swear, you're all a bunch of readers!" I laughed almost hysterically. "But I am certain you will like it, Carlisle. It even has a segment on the hospital you worked at. I'm sure it would've been much more interesting had they interviewed you," I informed, as I flipped through the magazine.

"Alice, I am your secret Santa. I bought you clothes! Yay!" I said excitedly. Happiness bubbled to the surface. "I won't put them on you until your limbs are stuck, but it's ugly clothes! It's retaliation, mwhahahah!" I laughed cruelly. I kissed her forehead lovingly before moving on.

"Okay, next is Carmen!

I did this with every single person. I unwrapped their presents and then I explained what they'd gotten. I'd gotten most of them more subscriptions on whatever I thought they might find interesting. I read them out loud. I had tried to find individual gifts as well. I bought Edward a musical notebook to make his own music. Carlisle got a stethoscope, which was a bit of a prank-gift. I bought Esme flowers with roots, hoping to liven up the basement.

I bought jewelry to our cousins and a watch for Eleazar. I didn't know them very well, so I had to rely more on traditional gifts. I also bought more magazines.

"Oh dear! I swear, Alice, you do not want to be awake for this. The fashion this year is just awful!" I told Alice and described the dress I was seeing. Alice would probably have loved it, when I considered it.

* * *

" _Hello? My ex-husband is a cop!"_ Renee's voice wavered, showing how frustrated she was when I didn't answer.

I had called her a few more times – once on Christmas and now again, on New Year's Eve. She was the only one I dared to call – Charlie was a cop and I couldn't take the chance. Still, if Renee called Charlie… I sighed to myself, knowing I would have to let some time pass before I called again.

Perhaps if I just called Charlie once? I deliberated for merely a second and then I had already called.

" _Hello?_ " His rough voice was like I remembered and I hung up immediately, shocked at how close I had been to crying out loud, to talk to him. I had been so close to my father – I wanted so much to talk to him. I cried out at the onslaught of emotions and memories. We had never been close until I moved in with him. Becoming a social outcast had brought me closer to Charlie than I could ever had predicted.

I missed him so much. I needed him. I needed Edward.

I wailed painfully to myself.

* * *

"Happy New Year, Edward… My New Year's Resolution is making you better. I promise I'll be better at it…" I kissed him gently on his forehead. "I love you… I love you…"

* * *

Mid-January made me smile – a real smile this time. Focusing on Edward, Carlisle and Esme meant I saw some improvement. It wasn't a lot, despite having focused on them, but it made happy.

Not two weeks later strands of flesh were sticking Alice's arms together, the same with Eleazar and Tanya. My hard and constant work was paying off. Of course, I would have to try harder, still. I would be better.

Now, most of the family seemed to have strands connected. Edward and Jasper's strands were becoming more solid and branching out, with Edward obviously being "in the lead". I kept a close eye on it, and I pressed myself to produce more venom more than I had before.

I stole blood at the hospital, and even raided a few mobile blood banks. I didn't drink the blood, the thought never occurred to me. Still, what I did could easily resemble an addiction.

I sniffed it until it lost its scent – until it dried up. It meant I could stay home and produce plenty of venom. I felt obsessed with this new way – unfortunately it didn't last long, and I couldn't keep raiding blood banks.

I felt I was becoming more and more desperate to produce venom. I became bolder at a different hospital, since the first was becoming way too suspicious of me.

The new hospital was in the other direction, and only a bit farther away. On the bright side, I would have to cross a forest to get there, which meant I could run.

I started dressing up as a janitor and I cleaned the hospital rooms, saving every piece that contained blood. It was not an uncommon sight to find me ready to clean the moment someone who had been bleeding profusely was cleaned up. I felt like I bathed in bloody bandages – sniffing them and growling as my venom production charged ahead.

It was almost mind-numbing – I was high on the feeling of producing venom, knowing how much it would mean to Edward.

In March was the first time I touched myself as a vampire. Someone had lost a leg and the surgery room was almost drenched in blood. I had cleaned it up – making it spotless. In my car, I gathered my venom by soaking myself in the bloodies sheets. I sniffed them aggressively. The thought of saving Edward with my venom – having my venom _inside_ him – drove me up the wall. I hadn't even realized how affected I had become until I reached my orgasm – screaming and growling Edward's name like a crazy animal.

It was the best experience I had ever had as a vampire.

… And the most terrifying.

* * *

 **So, Bella's mood is like a yoyo. I hope you liked it :)**

 **I am going on vacation, but I am trying my hardest to ensure that the next chapter is polished and ready for next Sunday :)**


	34. New friends, musings, and Change

**As I am not home tomorrow, I give you an early vacation present: another chapter today xD**

* * *

 **Chapter 34 –** **New friends, musings, and Change**

I was physically affected by the amount of venom I was producing. I literally felt drained, and I needed to hunt more often, as I was now constantly hungry, and my eyes were constantly pitch- black. Not only that, but I seemed to walk around with a permanent snarl on my face – utterly animalistic. I had never looked more of a dangerous vampire than I did now.

This meant that the joke I had once made about wearing a burka was forced to life. I was horrible to look at and I scared the humans senseless. I had no choice – if I had to visit the hospital – than to cover myself up entirely.

This was a good thing as well, since by May the sun came out.

My effort paid off, however. In June, my entire family had strands connecting their bodies, and Edward's head was the one that had progressed the farthest. There was still a long way to go – many more strands that needed to connect his body – but it was definitely getting closer. It made me beyond happy.

Knowing my venom was filling him up made it difficult for me to stay away from him. I felt a lust that was insatiable. I was scared that I would end up hurting him accidentally and out of my mind, so I had to do something about it myself.

I may have known, on some level, that burying myself in human blood-soaked sheets was bad for my sanity, but what it did for my libido and my venom production was crazy. Putting lust and blood together seemed like a killer combination, and I started fantasize about doing it with Edward when he awoke. Perhaps we could do it in my blood.

The thoughts set me off.

* * *

In July, I got a new friend.

On my way back from the hospital – as I ran through a large wood – I came across a scent. Or rather, it seemed someone had come across my scent, and was circling around, trying to locate me.

"I've never seen a Muslim vampire before." The vampire was a male. He had long sandy hair that was pulled back with a leather thong. His clothes were obviously stolen from a victim, but it looked mature and quietly fashionable, yet with an obvious air of it being everyday-clothes. His ruby-red eyes were sparkling with curiosity.

"I'm not a Muslim, I just use it to hide from the sun," I replied quickly. The man raised an eyebrow, interested. I had decided to wear a niqab, as it hid me really well from the sun.

"Hmm… Never considered that. I usually just hunt at night." His eyes were red, which meant I knew what his diet consisted of. "Your eyes have a golden tint to them." My eyes, in this outfit, were the only thing visible of me.

"I eat animals," I explained.

He chuckled. "You reek of human," he said. I couldn't deny this as I had just come from the hospital.

"Mostly," I amended. I didn't drink the human blood, not ever, but I didn't want to explain this quirk to him.

"Animals, you say?" The nomad commented.

"I try to maintain a permanent residence. Drinking from animals makes me feel more human – makes me feel less different…" I recalled Edward telling me this when I had once asked him. I let my gift touch him, but I didn't open up in my end, so if he was like Jane had been I wouldn't hurt myself. I felt nothing coming from him, which indicated that he had no gift.

The nomad considered my words briefly, not noticing that I was checking him out with my gift. "Why?" He seemed unable to understand my fascination.

"There's so much to the human world," I explained. A part of me found this to be a weak argument, since I had yet to explore the human world as a vampire, but _some day_. In my head, I made a new travel route home. I would have to go around the city, so that he would lose my scent.

"Who cares?" He seemed baffled. I frowned, wondering why he was so curious, and what it would mean to me. Sure, he didn't have a gift, but he could probably fight well. I had tried to study martial arts and acquaint myself with different fighting styles, but I wasn't sure how effective it would be to a vampire. I wish I had spoken more with Jasper, or seen him fight.

"Doesn't it get boring to just… roam?" I wondered, purely to be polite. I didn't want to seem like I was heading somewhere, or in a rush. I wanted to seem non-threatening.

Still, it was the first vampire I had met in a long time, and I did wonder about the nature of nomads.

He shrugged, "It's fine…" he replied.

"Don't you want more?" I wondered, curious.

"More of what?" He asked me, confused.

"Well, education? You could cure cancer. You could… study whatever interests you. You could watch TV or listen to the radio? Have a house and live a normal life?" I rambled.

"My life is normal," he defended. He was smiling, so I knew he wasn't angry. He seemed entertained by me, but not in the way Aro had been entertained. This nomad seemed curious and interested.

"Well, still… What about a phone? You can call other vampires, friends, and check the news?" I added, curious.

"I don't have anyone I want to contact. If I want to check the news I would read a newspaper, not call someone to have them tell me…" He brushed my idea off with a chuckle and I stared at him.

"Well, it's online. You wouldn't need to call anyone…" I pointed out.

"Online?" He asked, confused. I realized that this nomad had absolutely no idea what the internet was. This was so odd – odd enough that I momentarily abandoned my plans to run away.

"You- you don't know what the internet is?" I asked in disbelief. He must've noticed my tone, because he frowned.

"What is it?" He was next to me in an instant and I sidestepped him. He looked at me inquiringly, but didn't look as if he wanted to harm me. I pulled out my phone.

"This is the internet. A global system that connects everyone. The weather channel uploads the weather, and everyone can go to their site and see it – instantly. You don't need to find a paper or check the news… You don't need to listen to the radio for updates. The same goes with the news. Papers are obsolete…" I explained as I showed him what my phone could do. I showed him some basic things, but the nomad was deeply impressed by it. He turned my phone in his hands.

"This is crazy! Humans invented this?" He seemed surprised at the idea, and he noticed his own surprise and sent me a wry, humored smile.. "I usually just eat them and take their clothes." He shrugged as if that explained everything. "Hey, you said it can see the news?" The nomad seemed apprehensive now.

"Yeah." I was tapping into the daily news to show him.

"Are there vampire news?" His question seemed innocent, yet I stilled and he noticed.

"Unfortunately no…" I replied.

"You've heard about it, then." The nomad statement fell hard and I tried to pretend to be oblivious.

"I've heard hints," I lied, not sure of how much I could divulge. "What do you know?"

"Not much… The Volturi is gone, just up and vanished. They left a handful of guards behind who didn't know anything…" I felt relived at his words.

"Really?" I replied in disbelief.

"There's chaos in Europe, or Italy at least. The Romanians are trying to get back the power," the nomad explained.

I was drawn in. It was the first information I had gotten since they had been here, over a year ago.

"Really?" My mind flittered to Aro's memories. The Romanians were old enemies. I wasn't sure I would like the Romanians in power. "But they didn't care for secrecy." I worried what would happen if the Romanians became the ruling entity. From Aro's mind, they didn't care about hiding the existence of vampires.

"I can't say," the nomad shrugged. "I hoped you knew more. I won't go near Europe. It's chaos. But from what I know the humans doesn't suspect anything - for now," he said, still looking at my phone.

"Wow…" I replied. I tried to seem less suspicious than I felt.

"Too bad we don't have news online…" The nomad handed back my phone.

"Well, if you had a phone you could call someone in Italy…" I replied vaguely. "Or at least we can check out news in the human world. I am sure we'd see the signs of vampire activity through it – it might be massive disappearing or killings…"

The nomad pondered this and then nodded. "I will get me one of those phones," he said with certainty.

"Ehh… You need a payment plan," I told him.

"What?" He said, confused. I launched into an explanation of how the economy worked and what it required to have a phone. The nomad seemed fascinated.

"You know, this is really interesting. Perhaps I could eat some animals and try to blend in…" The nomad seemed to be seriously considering it. "I've never eaten animals before, it'll be fun…" I wasn't sure I agreed.

"It definitely required discipline…" I replied.

"I'm Garrett, by the way." The nomad shook my hand.

"Isabella," I replied, furiously wondering if I should've used another name, and what the up- and down-sides were of this. No on the in vampire world should know my name, so perhaps it was safe enough.

"Can I get your number? To call you when I get a phone?" Garrett seemed honest. I doubted he could track me by using my number, and I _did_ need to know what went on. Perhaps being in contact with this Garrett would be a good idea.

I nodded and told him.

Garrett and I parted ways, and I had him promise to text me with updates regarding the vampire world. I was worried about what I had been told, especially since the Romanians were less inclined to keep our existence a secret - or had been, at least. Hopefully, Garrett would find out more.

It occurred to me that I had forgotten to ask whom the Romanians fought against to get control, so I decided I would ask once Garrett contacted me.

* * *

Garrett's information had been the first information regarding the vampire world I had received in years, now.

I paid much attention to news in Italy, but in the human world, it was considered "basic" criminal issues. I wondered if any officials, such as FBI, or whomever they had in Italy, knew the truth. The news made no indication that it was anything special or supernatural.

I was pleased to see it wasn't all chaos. The vampires were keeping to themselves, but it was, however, obvious that people were missing, not just from Italy. Through Aro's memories it was obvious someone was building an army, and I was certain several vampires were doing it – though trying to stay low.

I tried not to worry too much, but I couldn't help but wonder if I should move to a cave or something. I constantly tried to weigh the benefits of staying versus the benefits of leaving. When someone eventually ended on top, they would investigate the Volturi deaths. Would they find me?

* * *

"Did you know I made a new friend?" I told Edward, as I gently fed him. "He seems nice, but I guess you can never know… He could be dangerous. He could try to kill us all… What if he's a spy?" I wasn't sure that he was – I rather doubted it. Still, it was nice to talk out loud with Edward and to test my thoughts. If it sounded surreal perhaps it was.

* * *

I continued my usual routine while keeping an eye on Europe. As time passed, and nothing bad in the news indicated that vampires were revealing themselves, I slowly started to calm down.

By October, Edward's head almost stuck entirely to his body, save for a few strands missing.

"I can't wait for you to wake up! I miss you so much!" I told him, beyond happy. I felt such a keen sense of relief in knowing that he would be by my side soon. I tried to reach out to him with my gift, to see if some of him was responding, but I might as well have tried to use my gift on a wall – there was no response as all.

"You'll be up and running soon," I whispered.

* * *

Soon, the rest of the family followed Edward's lead. As they all seemed more secure, a new routine started up.

"I did promise to clean you," I told Rosalie fondly, as I gently wiped her face and most of her body with a wet piece of cloth. I did this on all my family to remove the dust before it settled for good.

From what I had understood, the strange powdery look of the oldest vampires was due to dust settling on them and becoming petrified due to venom. From Aro's mind, I knew that time for vampires was different than that of humans, so showering happened less often. I hoped I never ended up looking like that, so it would be important to shower every day.

"I don't want you to look weird like the Volturi did," I told my family, as I gently washed their limbs. So far, they had been in the clear, since they hadn't had venom in their bodies, but as they began to become more whole, I worried that the dust would affect them.

"You know, it occurs to me that we should try to make our next house more like a clean-room," I said, inspired. "It would remove the dust, certainly, and we wouldn't have to worry about showering every day…" I didn't know how long it took dust to settle and become petrified – probably more than a day, or even few days.

"But then again… The noise…" I trailed off. "I think I will braid your hair, Rosalie," I told her, happily moving on. I brushed every all the female's hair, and even used the internet to find nice ways to braid their hair.

"You know, I think orange for your nails would look very nice, Alice…" I commented. "I wonder if I can dye your hair…"

* * *

Meeting Garrett had been a strange experience. As time passed since I met him, I started to feel my loneliness more acutely. Edward had told me that vampires were generally solitary creatures, but I didn't _want_ to be alone. I needed someone – I needed Edward.

Thinking about Garrett made me realize that I didn't want to hang out with him. I wanted my family, only. Everything else just seemed like a waste of time – waste of energy. To be really honest, I think even my family wasn't enough – only Edward was.

What if this was all a fluke? What if Edward never got better? I might be able to heal him, but what if he didn't wake up? Would I have to be alone forever?

The mere idea of losing Edward made my body shiver and my stomach hurt. I would find a way to die – quickly. It was a thought I had had before – in the beginning when the _accident_ had just happened. I recalled how I had considered other options.

I often outweighed the two emotions of losing Edward and finding a way to die, to Edward waking up. So much had happened, and Edward had progressed so far already. Despite this, I still felt uncertain if he would truly wake up. Despite the obvious changes, the feeling of _loss_ had become such a huge part of me.

The wives had said that they felt the deaths of their mates. The truth was, I felt it, too. Deep inside of me, I felt wretchedly alone. Like a light had been snuffed. It made me afraid. Afraid because I didn't know what it meant if Edward ever woke up. What if he was no longer my mate? What if he didn't like me?

I knew I had changed – irrevocably. I wasn't a _normal_ vampire. What if Edward woke up and he wasn't in love with me?

Everything hurt and all my thoughts felt so dark and cold. I felt I had trouble seeing the light in things. I was scared of Edward getting better, of what the next step might mean, at the same time I hungered for it. I was afraid of losing him, and I was afraid of being disappointed, if nothing more happened.

Sometimes, I spent days without speaking at all, and some days I spent all my time talking.

In between the two, I spent so much time thinking about everything. I thought about the Cullens, I thought about my own role. I thought about what would happen if only some of them awoke.

What if Emmett didn't wake up? Rosalie had always hated this existence. If I was cruel enough to force it upon her again, I should be kind enough to end it if she asked.

* * *

I didn't notice that it was Halloween until I heard screaming. I was running through the outskirts of the wood, on my way to the hospital, when someone screamed, calling for help.

"HELP! HEELP!" Someone was frantically shouting. I reached a couple of kids dressed up, but one of them was on the ground. The smell of blood was evident. The kids looked no more than ten or so and were obviously dressed out. A part of me realized that time had, once more, slipped from me.

"What happened?" I gracefully moved over to the kids, who were momentarily stunned by my obvious difference. "What happened?" My voice was a bit sterner, breaking them from the enthrallment they were under.

"We were messing around, but Peter slipped on his costume and fell." The girl, dressed as a ghost, looked pale and terrified. The boy, Peter, was on the ground, crying in pain. I could hear that his breathing was labored and how his heart was frantically beating.

The smell was amazing.

"Please, give me your costume." I looked for the girl who was dressed as a ghost using just a white sheet. She handed me the sheet immediately. A part of me was wondering if I could keep the sheet afterwards, while another part of me was trying to figure out what had happened to the boy exactly. There was a lot of blood, so he had to have fallen on something.

"Go tell your parents that I am taking him to the hospital!" I demanded. The children lingered for a second, uncertain. "Tell them to call his parents. Now, go!" I demanded. They scurried off, leaving me alone with the child.

"I'm sorry if it hurts," I told him. "Can you tell me your name and age?" I asked, as I tried to find out how to evaluate the damage.

"It hurts!" The boy cried.

"Your name and age?" I insisted, hoping that my questions could make him more aware and present.

"Peter… I'm eleven years old…" He hissed in pain. He was lying on his stomach, and I worried that he had fallen and impaled himself. "It hurts. I want my mom and dad!" The boy cried more.

"I'm sorry," I told him. I gently lifted him, making him cry out even more. I could feel his blood on my hands, so I knew that he was pretty badly damaged. I tried to turn him gently and I saw that I was right. He had fallen and impaled himself on a branch.

As the boy continued to bleed, I could hear his heart slow down. I rose, hoping to avoid jolting him. Without anyone nearby, and having sent his friends to collect the boy's parents, I was free to move as fast as I wanted.

I sprinted as fast as I could through the forest and towards the hospital. I knew the hospital so well, now, that I knew which corridors to take to get to the reception without being spotted.

"I need help!" I called as I entered the reception area. A female nurse looked up and gasped. She called her colleagues who immediately came to my rescue. Peter was out of my hands within seconds and onto a hospital bed. I watched them take off with him, calling out medical terms that I had no idea what meant.

"Are you his sister?" The nurse broke my train of thoughts and I turned to her.

"No, I found him and his friends near the outskirts of the forest. I asked them to get his parents – they should be here, soon…" I trailed off. "His name is Peter and he's eleven years old. He fell and impaled himself… I'm waiting here for his parents…" I hoped that his parents would get here soon. What if he died without them being here?

"Let me take that." The nurse gestured to the bloodied sheet. Her heart sped up as my pupils dilated – she was going to take my food away. I had frightened her. I tried to soften my face and expression.

"That's okay…" She gave me a strange, somewhat dazed look, but nodded vaguely and moved onwards, waiting just as I did. As I waited, I started to unwillingly remember my human life. My parents thought I was dead – they thought they had lost me. It felt so long ago since I had called them. Would Renee be suspicious if I started calling again this Christmas? If I remembered when it was Christmas, that is. I had forgotten about Halloween. Time seemed so fickle. Would I forget about Thanksgiving as well?

The truth was, did either event even matter? I had nothing to celebrate, no one to do it with. All it did was make me feel more miserable, more alone.

Would Edward be better soon? Would this be the summer Alice remembered? What if it took years for them to wake up? What if I called Jacob instead of Billy?

My emotions were running haywire, and the more anxious I got, the more still I became. It was unnatural.

It wasn't long until I heard two people talking in the distance.

" _Is it the right hospital?"_ A woman, presumably the mother, asked frantically.

" _I'm sure it is…"_ The father vaguely tried to assure himself. Their car screeched to a halt outside of the hospital and I readied myself. I had packed the bloodied sheet in my bag just as the parents burst into the reception area.

"You must be Peter's parents," I guessed correctly. Their eyed widened when they saw me and for just a few seconds their hearts skipped a few beats. It occurred to me that I had to look pretty scary covered in blood. Their son's blood. I tried to smile calmly, but it only served to make me appear more frightening. I could see myself in their eyes – I looked terrible.

"Your son," I reminded, gently. I hoped the reminder would make them overlook my initial appearance.

"My son!" The woman insisted, snapping out of her initial fear.

"Is in surgery," I assured her as the nurse from before came over.

"You must be Peter's parents. Peter fell and impaled himself, but he's in surgery now. It will be a couple of hours," the nurse informed us. The couple hugged and cried. I stepped back and let them be for a moment.

I had saved someone. Well, perhaps not yet, but I had tried to. I felt quite proud. I wondered if Carlisle would've been able to help more since he was a vampire. Perhaps I should study to become a doctor, too.

The parents were anxious, and technically my job was over, and so I left the hospital and hurried home. I had the bloodied sheet from Peter to spark my venom production, and it only made me feel somewhat weird using it. Somehow, it was a bit more personal, now.

* * *

I kept up with the local news the following days and was pleased to find that Peter was mentioned. He had survived and the parents wanted to thank the young woman who had brought him to the hospital. It made me feel such a relief to know that I had helped. Their family wasn't destroyed by his death and he lived to experience another Halloween and another Christmas.

"I get why you're a doctor, Carlisle," I said. "You've done so much good…" I trailed off, as I gently washed his arms and face; it was only Edward I dared to wash more intimately.

Saving that boy's life had been a strange experience for me. It felt so surreal – I don't know why. Perhaps it was because I rarely interacted with anyone. Perhaps it was because the view I had of myself had become so skewed that I could no longer imagine it?

I started humming lightly, letting my mind wander. As I was brushing Carmen's lustrous black hair, I felt it.

My shield flexed, reaching out. Jasper's gift responded.

* * *

 **We're getting there ;)**


	35. Awakening

**Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews. I hope you will be pleased with this chapter - I know you've been impatient.**

* * *

 **Chapter 35 – Awakening**

I was by Jasper's side instantaneously. "Jasper!" I cried out, anxiously. My hands gently trailed down his face in an act of calming him – and perhaps myself, and it was an effort to keep myself from shaking him in eagerness. "Jasper, how are you?" I asked, worried.

While Jasper was unresponsive out loud, his gift felt chaotic. It felt subdued and weak, as if it was a flickering candle - the emotions were all over the place, both happy, confused, sad. It took me a few seconds to realize that Jasper's gift was responding to me and not Jasper's emotional state. _I_ was feeling all these feelings.

I leaned back, staring at Jasper, contemplating, while at the same time sampling my own mood. It felt very odd to read myself like this. I let his gift touch the rest of the family, but it was like touching a wall: there was no life.

My gift didn't respond to the others either, which meant that their gifts hadn't manifested – yet.

My theory that my family was out of venom seemed more sound, and as I filled them up their bodies slowly awoke. If Jasper's talent was awakening, then soon Jasper would, too – I hoped.

Was this how it went when we were first turned? Did out powers manifest first? Or did it come later? If it came first, it meant that people with aggressive powers, such as Jane, could possibly torture everyone in vicinity while she herself was tormented by the power of the Change. I had never heard any anyone mentioning experiencing anyone lashing out while they changed, so perhaps our powers manifested once the change was complete? Of course, this was far different that changing from human to vampire, so one couldn't exactly draw parallels.

A part of me found it interesting to observe. Still, I felt impatient, though I tried to be calm. Jasper's head was almost stuck entirely, only leaving the smallest of tears, which was almost nothing, and while his arms were still on the mend, I was now certain that the head had to be the important factor. Separate it from the body, and you stopped functioning.

But why was Jasper the first to respond? Edward had certainly been given much more venom than Jasper had – especially since I had had periods of pure focus on Edward. Edward was slightly ahead of Jasper in being healed, as well.

It was frustrating to wait – frustrating because I needed answers. My mood spun wildly between utter happiness and desperate frustration and mistrust. I had experienced a weak hope so many times, and each time, months passed by without anything else happening. So while I was truly happy at this, I felt also a cold distrust of anything good. I distrusted that Jasper would truly awake, and I distrusted that everything would be fine.

While a part of me felt proud of what I had done, a larger part – much larger – was pessimistic and eating away my happiness. The spiral was downward and I found myself unable to leave it. Being positive was difficult. Feeling was almost impossible for me, as it meant I would have to deal with emotions that I had tried to suppress for such a long time.

Instead, I focused on my routine, and I thought about things objectively. Things, such as why Jasper was waking up before Edward, since I had given Edward much more venom than Jasper.

What did this mean? I knew Jasper had been in many vampire wars, so perhaps this was something to factor as well.

I made a note of everything I observed, hoping that it would be useful to study later on.

The cruel, unjust emotions that flared beneath the surface, regarding Jasper's swifter improvement, were forcibly ignored.

* * *

With Jasper's gift flickering, I was hesitant to leave to gather venom. At the same time, I doubted that this was the grand awakening. Still, _what if_ he woke up? He would have his gift, making him think that he was alone. He'd probably be confused and maybe scared? I could only imagine the horrors of what he would think if he opened his eyes and found himself in a make-shift coffin – or found Alice in one. Or what if he did damage to himself – unconsciously.

"Hello, this is Bella. Please stay calm. This is an automated message, and I will explain everything when I get back. Please stay calm and don't panic, or strain your body or powers. I will be back soon and will explain everything."

I taped the message and made it loop on a TV I dragged into the basement. I didn't want them to worry if they woke up while I was out producing venom.

* * *

Thanksgiving passed with determined denial on my part. Since Jasper's gift has _awoken_ , nothing else had happened. What a surprise.

Two years ago I had sat with my human and vampire family at the Cullen house in Alaska. My life was perfect then, and my plans for my future had been _my_ plans, based on _my_ choices, and no one else's. Well, Aro had already made _his_ plans then, but I didn't know that. If Aro hadn't been around, my life would have looked very different.

Now, this holiday would remind me of the last time I saw my family before the Volturi destroyed it all.

In a way, Thanksgiving had been the last time I had truly been happy, and now the day mocked me.

* * *

My phone startled me when it vibrated. I stared at it within a millisecond, wondering who could call me. The number was unknown to me, but I had only given one person – or vampire – my number.

"Hello?" I answered the phone neutrally, trying to keep my body from tensing. What if it wasn't Garrett? What if someone had found me? What if someone _knew_? I had assumed that vampires would be unlikely to track me in the human world – through human means – but what if one of them were a super hacker who knew exactly how to find me?

I felt like I was freaking out – all within less than a nanosecond.

"Isabella!" Garrett's happy voice broke through our connection and I started mentally, breaking free from my paranoid thoughts.

"Garrett," I greeted, trying to match his happy voice. "You've gotten a phone. Your _own_ phone?" I wondered, curious.

"Yep. They wanted me to have a payment plan, like you said. It was a bit of a hassle, since I had to get a bank account, and that meant a whole lot of other trouble… But I think it's good now…" Garrett sounded amused by the rules, but I wondered if it meant that the government would be after him, soon.

"Did you steal someone's identity? That might not be advisable…" Garrett explained to me what he had done quickly, and then he moved onwards to more important matters.

"I met another nomad a while ago… He says there's a stir in Italy… The chaos is spreading…" Garrett told me, seriously.

"Do you think the Romanians will keep us a secret?" I wondered, recalling our last conversation.

"I don't think we have to worry about the Romanians keeping us a secret – it's the Mexican coven we need to worry about. They're lead by Maria, and she's ruthless, from what I know. She's making a bid for the throne…" Garrett fell silent. Memories from Aro about Maria surfaced in my mind.

"I've heard about her," I admitted - with a sinking feeling. Jasper had been turned by Maria, and in Aro's memories I saw a careless female vampire, who turned humans into vampires and cared little for discovery. "From what I know, she's intent and careless… She won't care if discovered. If no one is controlling her or keeping her in check, I fear we might be exposed…"

"Sounds about right. She's keeping things clean while making a bid for the throne, but I doubt it will stay that way if she gains power. The Romanians understand the value of keeping the secret, but Maria doesn't think long-term…"

"Be careful, Garrett. She's a bitch, from what I know. Brutal…" I trailed off, feeling weird about worrying about someone I hardly knew. But Garrett seemed nice and trustworthy, and he had contacted me to warn me and let me know what went on. I could do the same – who knows if we might need an alliance in the future.

"I can't get away from where I am," I admitted. "I have obligations, but if you travel, try to impose the importance of getting a cell-phone… We should stay connected…" I suggested.

We hung up not soon after that. Garrett said he wanted to move closer to Europe, to get a sense and feeling of what happened. He didn't have a power, and so he didn't have the opportunity of keeping himself safe – especially against a vampire army. I wished him luck, but a part of me started to worry. Would I be a better help? Would my ability be able to do something good? I just needed opponents with abilities. I felt somewhat confident in my powers, though I had never really truly tested them, since I had avoided vampires.

* * *

Christmas passed effortlessly - I didn't even notice the date. I saw the lights and I heard the excited chatter all through December, but the actual date was lost on me. Of course, due to my brooding mood, I would probably not have bothered to celebrate the evening. It wasn't until New Year's Eve that I realized that Christmas had passed, and that was only because the fireworks were a very loud reminder.

"Another year…" I kissed Edward's forehead lovingly. "Here's to summer." I raised a bottle with venom and poured it down his throat, using the usual tube. For a brief moment, I wished I could get so roaring drunk that I would pass out and forget everything. I envied the humans more than anything right now.

* * *

Garrett sent me messages once in a while, letting me know what went on. In return, I supplied him with background information of the people he met. Aro had met so many people through his rule, and I had almost unlimited information to give to Garrett about whoever he met. It was a good partnership, if tentative. He never asked how I knew – I think he might've sensed that I had some issues. Then again, in that sense I might just resemble every other vampire he had ever met.

* * *

In January, Edward's gift started to stir. I started crying, tearlessly and hysterically. I had difficult processing the emotions I felt – there were too many.

"Edward, Edward…" I cried his name repeatedly, unable to say anything else in relief. "Edward!" For so long, I had felt nothing from Edward. In my heart of hearts, I feared that I loved the memory of him, as he had died. I feared I had begun to believe that he would never wake.

I tried to fight the fear.

"Edward… Please, I need you…" My cries turned to whispers as I repeated myself. "Edward, please wake up…"

He didn't. Of course he didn't – I wasn't that lucky. I spent the entire day sobbing. A part of me was glad I was in a basement, otherwise I was pretty sure my neighbors would've heart my wailing.

As my sobs subsided, there was nothing for me to do but to continue to gather venom. It was my only objective, and it was the only thing I could do. My cries continued, but inside of me. As did my fear and my excitement, and my pain. Outward, I continued to do what I had always done.

* * *

Confusions. Uncertainty. Discomfort. These were not my emotions. I had barely stepped into the basement when I felt these emotions, and I realized that it had to be Jasper's emotions.

"Jasper," I said, carefully. I sat by his coffin and gently touched his hand in comfort. My tape was still on loop, so I shut it off.

Confusions. Worry.

"Jasper, it's Bella…" I replied. "Do you understand?" I tried to keep my own emotions neutral. I could've cut him off from feeling me at all, but I worried if that would freak him out.

More confusion, but a sense of recognition.

Recognition. This was the first reply I had gotten from him since I felt him wake up. I wanted to strengthen him, so I grabbed a bottle of venom and gently tipped his mouth open and poured a bit into it. I usually used a tube, but since his head was stuck there was no real possibility of him leaking anymore.

His emotions didn't indicate that he felt that I was feeding him, nor did it seem as if his emotions were entirely stable. For a while after I had fed him, his emotions seemed to drop, almost as if he was resting. Perhaps he had used too much strength, I didn't know.

"Perhaps it's time I add a little blood to your diet," I told Jasper. "You've only been fed venom for such a long time, but perhaps a bit of blood, with plenty of venom to ensure that it doesn't coagulate…" I considered my plan, and wondered if the smell of blood would entice Jasper's own venom production.

I turned my attention to Edward, who's mind-reading ability flickered. I tried to use it, but it was too fickle. From what I could tell, and that was uncertain at best, then their gifts seemed to respond, somewhat, but their consciousness was still lagging behind. I wondered if they were aware – it was a curious thing, considering our expansive minds.

* * *

I continued my usual routine. I brushed their hair, I washed their bodies. I read for each and every one of them and commented on what I read.

And most importantly: I gathered venom.

I began to gather blood as well. Jasper, who was the one farthest ahead in his healing, didn't react to the smell, and I had to assume that his body functioned on a sub-conscious plan. I started to slowly introduce the blood into their diets, being very aware that I needed a lot of venom to ensure that the blood didn't clot.

Garrett had quickly become a valuable ally. He supplied me with information and rumors, and I told him whatever I knew from Aro's mind.

There were many out for the throne, but some were more likely to gain it than others. Some were also incredibly terrifying, like Maria, and would do almost anything to gain power.

I started to worry about it, because I could sense that Garrett was worrying. Garrett told me that he preferred to keep the humans in the dark regarding vampires, and it seemed logical to do so, too. We would be forced to fight if we wanted to keep it that way. I tried to imagine a world where vampires were out in the open, but it was impossible to imagine anything positive. The human would be terrified and I could only imagine chaos. Humans were versatile and resilient, I wondered if they would find a way to eradicate us.

As the situation slowly started to peak, I hoped my family would wake, so we could work together. I felt pretty certain in my abilities, but I knew I couldn't fight alone. While I didn't want my family involved, I was beginning to realize that we soon didn't have a choice. If we wanted to stay under the radar, we might not have a choice but to fight.

* * *

I felt bad for neglecting Edward. For so long, it felt, I had been aware of him, but now I hardly spoke to him – except when I read out loud to him.

"I'm sorry, Edward…" I whispered. "I feel like I've neglected you… I've been so busy…" I sighed to myself. "It's hard seeing you in this coffin… This stupid box… Sometimes, I think I've stopped feeling… And then suddenly I will feel too much…" I trailed off, feeling almost tired. I felt bad for leaving him, but he didn't respond and my heart hurt each time I spoke and didn't get a reply.

"I'll make you better."

* * *

The sun was starting to shine again when Edward's mind seemed to stir. His gift had become more cemented, and I had started a more thorough and intense diet for him. Within the same day, Jasper followed.

What made Jasper able to stir quicker than Edward? Especially considering how much focus I had put on Edward. I had no idea why this was, but I was looking forward to researching it.

"Edward?" I whispered gently. I poured some more venom into him. I didn't have much left, and I had tried to stretch it since I hadn't been able to leave for the hospital. The closer Jasper and Edward got to awakening, the less I wanted to leave.

Eventually I was forced to leave – if only for a few hours. I tried to hurry as much as possible, and the tape was on loop at home, in case they did wake up.

It was the right choice, too. Only hours after having been back with plenty of venom, Jasper's mentality started to stir.

 _What_? I was using Edward's feeble gift to sense Jasper.

"Jasper, are you alright?" I whispered, trying to keep my tone calm. I used Jasper's gift on himself, to keep him calm.

 _Bella?_ Jasper's voice was weak. He seemed confused and uncertain. _Alice? Alice?_

"Alice is fine…" I lied.

 _Alice?_ Jasper repeated.

 _Bella?_ A new mental voice stirred, and I gasped out loud in a weak cry.

"Edward!" I cried. I was by his side in an instant, gently pulling Jasper's coffin with me.

 _Bella_ … Edward's mental voice was weak like Jasper's. He repeated my name, uncertain and confused.

"Please be calm, please relax…" I told them, beyond relieved. I fed them more venom, and I noticed that they still didn't seem aware that I was feeding them. I even included blood, but they didn't seem to register it.

Their minds were still vague and weak, often repeating a name and nothing else. Mere days later I tried to test their venom production by dangling venom in front of them. Their minds didn't register, but their bodies did. I held back a sob of relief as I saw Jasper drool from the corner of his mouth. I leaned his head back gently, trying to ensure that the venom didn't escape. Jasper was producing venom, if only just a bit.

I kept their abilities from touching others but themselves and me, as I didn't want to frighten them.

* * *

Carlisle followed not soon after. His mind was foggy like Jasper's and Edward's, though theirs were getting more and more aware, it seemed.

I produced a lot of venom, and I hated to leave them, but I had no choice.

"You're alright, Carlisle," I told assured Carlisle. His response was vague, almost as if he was asleep – not really there.

* * *

 _Bella?_ Jasper's voice was becoming more firm. _What happened? What happened?_ Jasper's mental voice seemed to repeat itself.

"What do you remember?" I wondered, gently.

 _The Volturi_ … His voice seemed almost tired, but using his gift I could tell that Jasper was scared. _Alice?_

"Alice is okay," I lied, softly.

 _Alice…_ Jasper's mental voice felt insistent. What could I tell him? I didn't want to upset him. As Jasper struggled mentally, I felt forced to douse him with his own gift – forcing him to be calm. I didn't know if vampires could go into shock, and if he freaked out from what I told him, he could harm himself. His body was still raw, despite being mostly healed, but I didn't want to chance anything.

* * *

 _Bella?_ Edward was coming along like Jasper and was becoming more and more coherent.

"I am here," I assured Edward. He seemed to struggle, I could feel his emotions. "I love you," I told Edward. He calmed. I tried to keep my emotions in check, lest I break down in front of him.

I worried how I would help them in the future. I didn't want to tell them too much – not until they were ready. I would have to leave, though, to gather venom, but that meant that they would be alone. I worried.

With Jasper having started to produce venom, I knew it wouldn't be long until his body _awoke_. I constantly wondered about how to break the news to them – how to soften the blow. I felt relieved that Jasper had been the first to awake – hopefully I could use his gift to calm him and anyone else.

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter :)**


	36. Emotional Chaos

I am looking for a **BETA** to go through all previous chapters. I will upload once a week, as always, but old chapters will be proofread and re-uploaded. You might wonder why I don't BETA the newest chapter before upload, but that's because I am too impatient and BETA-ing isn't high enough on my list for future chapters. I know I am doing it in the wrong order, but *shrug*…

 **Is anyone interested?** I know it's quite a bit, since the story is so long, but if there are multiple people, I can give you each a few chapters… You can even offer to just beta one or two chapters only. Whatever floats your boat xD

* * *

 **Chapter 36 – Emotional chaos**

The following weeks were intense. Carlisle's subconscious slowly seemed to stir, and so did Eleazar, Emmett, Irina, and Tanya's, while the rest were still lagging behind – unconscious and unaware – from what I understood.

Jasper and Edward were both becoming more vocal mentally, but it seemed to happen for only short periods of time. After that, they seemed to need some form of rest. I had no idea why they needed to rest, and they didn't seem to know what I was talking about when I asked them. Of course, what little mental faculty they had seemed to be mostly confused. To them, it seemed, they had merely blinked, though in reality hours and even days had passed. I tried to keep that information from them for the time being, as I had felt them stressing about the mere question about what they did when they seemed to sleep.

Being vampires, they had always been aware of everything, and suddenly not _knowing_ seemed to freak them out. Being rational and discussing it with them was, at this point, not possible, as their awareness flickered, as well as their strength. I knew they felt like hell, and I knew they were scared, worried, and confused. I also knew they felt guilty for leaving me – this was mostly Edward. I yearned to hold him and love him, and it almost hurt me physically to be unable to do it.

 _Alice?_ Jasper's mental voice, which was the strongest, was once again calling for Alice.

"She's alright, Jasper. How are you feeling?" I asked Jasper. "Can you feel this?" I gently prodded different place on his body, but getting no reaction.

 _Should I?_ Jasper wondered. I sensed a hint of confusion and worry. His emotions and his mental thoughts were becoming more and more correlated, whereas before Jasper would feel emotions randomly, and only occasionally would they correlate with his thoughts.

"No, I was just testing something," I lied easily, not wanting to admit that I had been poking different places on his body. "You should rest…"

 _Why?_ Jasper's curiosity was peaking. His unwillingness to do what I told showed another level of consciousness. Before, he had done what I asked, too tired or confused to understand why, but somehow trusting me enough to do as told.

"When you're better I will explain. Please trust me," I asked him. I made it easy to trust me, since I could use his gift against himself. He fell silent.

 _Bella?_ Edward's mental voice called for me. I had kept him subdued because he was asking too many questions.

"I'm here," I whispered and slipped over to him. I let me fingers run gently through his hair.

 _That's nice_ , Edward whispered mentally. I looked at him, startled.

"You can feel this?" I wondered, surprised.

 _Of course… Your touch is wonderful._ His emotions were all over the place. I could tell he was curious, but I could also tell that he was worried and scared. All of them seemed to share this underlying fear of the unknown. I felt bad for not revealing things to them, but I worried that they would go full-out vampire and hurt themselves. Jasper's gift was great, but I didn't dare to rely on it yet.

* * *

As my family stirred, I became more intimate with my gift.

Both Jasper and Edward had been really freaked out when they had felt the vague of awareness from their family, so I had to keep their gift constantly reduced to touch only themselves and me. This meant I couldn't really leave to hunt or gather venom. For a long time, I had to rely on the smell of my neighbors. Summer was luckily on its way, so people were more out. Still, it was nothing to the hospital, and I gathered far less venom that normally. I found myself frustrated by this immensely. Gathering venom had been my purpose since I had been changed; I was good at it, and I _had_ to gather to help them, but now I was failing at my main objective. I was failing at helping them the best way possible.

Despite my frustration, I worked my gift on my family tirelessly, and I learned more about it. For so long, I had had no vampires to test my gift on, but now I had several, and I was eager to learn.

I was getting Jasper's gift under control, and so I realized how many emotions vampires could truly feel. My family might've had pleasant thoughts, I could tell through Edward's gift, but through Jasper's gift I felt their emotional state, which flickered between so many stages: frustration, fear, happiness, relief, and, perhaps most uncomfortably of all: pity and regret. They felt so bad for me, and they pitied me. I tried to ignore this, and be strong. I had felt their guilt when they had first realized I could feel their emotions, so I had tried to ease it up by making them calm. I didn't want them to be uncomfortable, not ever. I had taken care of them for so long, and I would rather hide my emotions and pretend that everything was fine, than to have them feel guilty.

I dreamed about communicating with Edward non-verbally. I trained hard to push my gift from me, and allow him to read my mind. However, the one time I did manage something akin to it, I ended up pushing my entire gift from me, thus losing control of all their gifts. It brought a bit of chaos the first time, since they had all become aware that it wasn't just one of them and me, but there were more vampires in the room.

Still, I tried. I hoped that in the end, I would be able to pass on a gift to others. I could borrow Edward's gift, but wouldn't it be great if I could lend it to Jasper as well? That way, we could all speak together mentally. Of course, my gift might not even work like that, but I had no idea what my limitations were until I tried.

I didn't have much success, but I figured that was due to me being unwilling to take the chance of losing my gift and thus scaring my family. Not only that, but if I truly managed to push my gift from myself, Edward would be able to read my mind, and this was a truly terrifying prospect. I think seeing my mind would scare him back into oblivion.

However, where I did succeed, was in maintaining my gift on them while moving further away. At first, I had been able to move around the house while maintaining my ability and borrowing their gifts, but as I was driven to gather venom, and thus forced to hunt, I had found I could, with a little work and training, extend it to the yard as well. This had been great when I had seen a squirrel and I had needed to kill it. There wasn't much blood in squirrels, but I couldn't leave my family _aware_ – not without explaining what was going on, and certainly not while they were in this weak state.

I was unwilling to explain, since I worried what it would do to them, especially since their minds seemed so weak and confused. I couldn't answer any of their questions – I was too worried about their reactions. I knew I would have to own up to it, soon, but I needed them to be calm. Jasper, however, came to my rescue.

 _You can tell me…_ Jasper mentally told me. _You can read my mind, and I think you can feel my emotions as well. I don't know how, but I've felt calm when I know I shouldn't have been, so I know you can emulate my gift – somehow_.

"Yes." My reply was vague; I didn't know what to say.

 _Are you worried about my reaction?_ His observance surprised me.

"Yes," I replied once more.

 _Tell me, but keep me calm. I've done that to others. I will be able to be calm on my own once I've processed what you have to say…_

I considered his idea. I would have to tell him – them all, and do like Jasper and keep them calm.

"I need to hunt, and then I will explain," I agreed. Jasper was right, it was a great idea to explain and keep them calm until they could focus. I hoped their still vague minds would keep them from going into full vampire-rage, and that I could control them with Jasper's gift.

My gift had been trained and expanded enough to give me 2 yards of hunting ground. The forest lay ahead of me, but I couldn't yet enter, and I would need at least 50 yards in order to get any good game. Until then, I would have to make do with squirrels and foxes in the nearby bush-area. At night, I left out the meat from my previous kills to attract new game. It was weak, but it worked – somewhat.

With summer on the rise, the humans were out more often, and I used their smells to gather venom. It was nothing next to the hospital, but I had no other choice. I felt it was draining me, and what was worse was that I could no longer hunt and gather strength. I felt like I was truly living on the edge – producing venom and giving everything in me, yet unable to really sustain myself. Had I been human, I would probably have died. I looked like Hell – my features seemed almost gaunt and truly vampiric. My eyes were deep black, making me look more of a demon than anything resembling human. The amount of blood I managed to scrape together did nothing for my appearance.

I looked underfed, but I was strong mentally. I could do this – I would just have to push my body harder.

* * *

"Okay," I said out loud. I had told my family, the ones _awake_ , that I would explain. I fiddled a bit, trying to figure out what to say. "You've obviously realized that you're not alone here, well, except for me, of course. You've heard me speaking to others. And right now I am speaking to more than just you…"

Their mental voices assaulted me.

"Please, don't ask questions," I begged. I felt drained, right now. Emotionally, venom-wise, and food-wise. Yet, I tried to focus and gather my strength.

"I know you have many questions – I can tell, because with my gift I can borrow _your_ gifts. I can read your minds, feel your emotions and use your ability as well, Eleazar," I explained. Eleazar's gift was strange. I felt an acute sense of any vampire I met and their gift. I turned Eleazar's gift off, but was forced to endure all their emotions and their thoughts, as I needed to keep an eye on their emotional and mental states. It was tough, and I knew Jasper and Edward had been years in learning how to use their gifts.

 _Bella, please_ … Carlisle's anxious voice was imploring me to continue. I could sense their impatience and Edward's anxiety and love for me. I calmed them all, or tried to.

"The Volturi is dead," I explained, thinking I would have to start with this. I kept them forcibly subdued. This way, I was letting them know, and think, but not feel too much. Later, I would allow them to feel a bit more, and then more and more, until they had processed it all in a safe manner.

"I killed them. My gift is to borrow other vampires' gifts, or share. You were all but killed by the Volturi. You were torn into pieces and readied to be burned. I stopped the Volturi. I used Alex's gift to subdue them all, and then I killed them all. I couldn't handle your deaths, and I suppose I denied that you _were_ dead, so I taped you up and tried to heal you…" I took an unnecessary breath as a way to calm myself.

"For the last 2.5 years, I've gathered venom and healed your wounds. Only Jasper's venom production has slowly started working, and both Edward and Jasper can feel touch – now. I've made many theories regarding the health of vampires…" I stopped myself, not wanting to delve into all my theories just yet. It wasn't the time.

"Carlisle, Jasper, Edward, Tanya, Irina, Eleazar, and Emmett are mentally awake…" I could feel spikes of fear, obviously fearing those who weren't awake. I tried to calm them. "Rosalie is almost stirring, and technically, Tanya isn't entirely awake – I am not sure she can hear me. Her mental voice is rare. It's like you sleep, or hibernate…" I trailed off.

"I know you have questions, but it's difficult to answer right now. You've come a long way, and I am certain that the others will awake soon…"

I eased up on the forced tranquility I had put on them. I could sense their fears and confusion bubbling. There were so many questions. Most noticeably was _why_.

"Why," I said, catching their attention - not that I had ever lost it. "Carlisle, I am so sorry," I said, sorrow coloring my voice. "Aro was never your friend. In his heart, he was a jealous man – jealous of your natural leadership and your defiance to, what Aro believed, was the epitome of vampires. Your defiance, and interest in learning, bothered him to such a degree that he harbored a hatred for you ever since he met you. I saw his mind – I accidentally used his gift on myself while touching him, and I saw so much…" The last was said with quiet sadness.

"He was a vile man, and for a long time he wondered how to get rid of you. You hadn't broken a law, but Aro hated when something didn't suit him, so he often sought to eradicate whatever it was by using his position. When he heard about your family, he was angered. If you remember Alice saying that it seemed that _I_ wasn't the reason, but rather the excuse? Well, it was just that. Aro felt he had found the perfect excuse to eradicate you. Despite he himself fell in love with a human – just like Edward had – and probably many other vampires…" I shook my head. I could feel Carlisle breaking Jasper's ability. He felt so hurt. I tried to tranquilize him further, but his distress was too much, almost.

"Please, Carlisle," I whispered. I gently stroked his hair in quiet love. "Aro was a monster, please do not blame yourself," I begged. "Please be calm…" Carlisle tried to calm himself, but I could tell he was mourning.

* * *

Carlisle, ever the scientist, insisted I tell him what I had learned so far. All those awake wanted to know, of course. I knew it was a mixture of curiosity, but also because they felt bad for leaving me alone. I told them that I was fine, but they didn't believe me.

It was probably because they experienced our first, shared magazine day. I brought in the magazines like any other day, and I went on my rounds, reading and commenting. It never occurred to me to do things different. My family was unmoving, so I continued to gather venom and read out loud.

I also washed them and tended their hair, keeping them neat and pretty. They took it in silence, perhaps observing me at first. Later, I realized, feeling a form of utter shock at how routine my life had become. How utterly strange my life was.

Of course, right now I was glad that their eyes were closed and they didn't have enough control over their bodies to open their eyes, because if they were unsure about the truth when I said I was fine, then they would really doubt me if they saw me.

Carlisle tried to break me from my routine by insisting I analyze the situation they had been through.

"From my observations, I think you dried up," I explained. "Venom, I've noticed, is very elusive, and when your heads were torn off… I think…" I hesitated, but I could feel their questions. These were thoughts that were coming to me as I spoke, as if I was hypothesizing out loud. In a way, though, I think it was the truth. "I think I could've saved you faster, had I not been so distraught. You were torn to pieces for so long – I kind of went catatonic. Had I been faster, you might've been better faster as well..." I trailed off as regret flooded my system.

Thinking back, it felt like I had made so many bad decisions. If I'd been better, then they would've healed faster. Instead, I just dallied around.

 _You couldn't have known that_ … Edward loving mental voice was insistent. The others offered me similar sentiments. I didn't listen, since I was convinced of my own failure. They hadn't been there and seen how many days I had spent on just whining and wasting away, instead of helping them. I _could've_ been stronger, but I hadn't been. That was my regret. One of them.

I moved on, not wanting to dwell on the depressing thoughts of not being _enough_ … "Whatever _creates_ venom in you, was severed when your heads were torn off. Of course, we can't actually know what creates venom, not without severing a vampire, but that's stops the creation of venom… I've looked at some anatomy books, and I can definitely say that the salivary glands must produce venom, since we 'salivate', though ours is venom… I am sure there are more glands that has turned into venom factories, but I can't locate them – not until we find a way to do surgeries on vampires…" I explained as best as I could, trying to be as objective as possible. "I think they work together, though, in some way. Human bodies are a huge factory as well, and if you remove vital components it all shuts down…"

"When your heads were severed from your body, something broke – your venom production. There has to be a link inside of us. Humans die if they lose their heads as well and once you lost your heads, you effectively died. Losing your heads meant that you dried up, and you couldn't heal yourself, because healing required venom. I had to heal your bodies to ensure that the venom's vessel, you, could actually contain the venom without it escaping, and once I did that, I had to 'fill you up' enough to awake you, but also kick-start your own venom production…" I continued thoughtfully.

"Vampires are nothing without their venom. Where we earlier thought venom was this all-powerful thing, I've come to realize that it's _not_. It's flammable, obviously, but it's also highly elusive. Not only that, then we need blood to kick-start the process of changing… This is also, I think, why it has taken such a long time for you to heal…"

"With humans, they have their blood and their heart to pump venom through their veins, but once you're changed you don't have that anymore. There's no heartbeat to pump venom through our veins, and there's no blood to carry it… I think it's kind of like a human chain, like you pass on something to the next person, and so on. But you can't have a chain with only one person. The same goes with venom. It only works when there's enough of it. Sure, in humans only a small amount is needed to change the human, but venom gets so much help from the pumping heart and the blood. In you, it got nothing…" I trailed off, thinking over my observations.

"I think there must be several factors regarding venom. We can lose a hand or an arm – even a leg. At some point, though, since our wounds doesn't close, where we lost a limp our venom will have to fight to stay inside of us and not evaporate… Or whatever it does…" I considered Corin, and how she had simply ceased to exist from one moment to another.

"Corin, a Volturi guard, came to look for her masters, and I removed all of her limbs in order to keep her around me, as she had a pretty good gift. She died after a while, but she had had no legs or arms. I kept her in a backpack for quite a while… She just stopped existing; I didn't notice a decline in heal or anything – it just happened from one second to the next…"

It was only because I was borrowing Jasper's and Edward's gift that I realized I had made a mistake. I was assaulted by a strange feeling, like a mental gasp. Everything stopped for just a second, as my family realized what I had done.

Would they see me as a monster now? My emotions wavered.

"I did it for you," I whispered, trying not to choke up.

 _No one's blaming you. We love you, and we're grateful. We're just so sad we couldn't be there for you_ … Carlisle's mental voice was kind.

 _Bella, I love you more than anything. What you have done for us is more than I could've hoped for… I love you. Please forgive me for not being there for you_ … Edward's voice and emotions were full of regret. I was getting a better understanding of Jasper's gift, I understood that he, like Carlisle, regretted not being there.

* * *

I spent a lot of time talking about the road to recovery. I was honest about what I had done, but also very objective. Despite their numerous assurances, I tried to detach myself when I spoke – I tried to ignore the pain.

Carlisle, especially, was curious about what I had observed in them, but I think he was trying to pretend he was my therapist, and also, secretly, trying to avoid his personal issues with Aro. I knew it lay heavily on his mind, but he seemed to be avoiding speaking about it. For Carlisle's sake, I avoided the topic, even though Aro had done a lot of things I would've liked Carlisle's take on. Carlisle, however, was my patient and I needed him to get better, so if not talking about Aro made him better, then that's what we would do.

"I tried burning venom-vapors to see how elusive and flammable it is," I revealed.

 _I've done that as well_ , Carlisle revealed with pleasure. He felt excited that I had concluded some of the same things as he had – with the few resources we had available.

"I was surprised at just _how_ elusive it is. That's also around the time I realized that you might've dried up…"

* * *

As we entered July, the rest of the family started to stir. Rosalie was the first, and Emmett felt so relieved and excited. He found the whole ordeal fascinating and was eager to joke that I was now his new sire. I wondered if this was true. There was a special bond between a sire and his progeny, but I didn't know if it was an emotional, subjective thing, or an actual thing. I guess I would find out. I was certainly protective enough to be a sire, but would they feel the same bond to me? Perhaps we were bad examples, since we all were bonded to begin with. And perhaps the sire-bond wasn't an entirely real thing, since I had known of numerous vampires who had been left to deal with their own new existence.

* * *

Rosalie's consciousness had just woken up, but her mind was weak, especially without nurishment. None of the others could talk yet. Their venom production was slowly starting, but food was scarce, since I couldn't leave them, and getting critters was becoming increasingly difficult, as all animals seemed to understand that they had to stay away from my garden. I was beginning to wonder if I should murder human – for the sake of my family. I knew, however, I would be a bad idea – on so many levels. It would disturb the peace in the neighborhood, as I would have to take one of them, and I semi-knew them. Not only that, police would investigate, and I also doubted that my family would appreciate it.

"We're out of food," I admitted. "You're far too unstable to leave alone. None of you can control your gifts, and it would hurt you," I revealed. I could tell their discomfort, but I made them feel calm. "I know what I am about to propose might seem crazy…" I took a deep breath. "While I am not interested in killing humans, I worry about your health, and eating a human could be a really good thing for you." I cringed at my own words. I had tried to make it sound as calm, innocent and reasonable as possible.

 _Please no, Bella_ , Carlisle whispered mentally. I could tell his fear. I could hear in their minds that they wondered how many humans I had eaten. I felt not disgust from them, just quiet guilt. I tried to make them feel better.

"I am only asking because it's ethically correct to do. But, were you human vegans and sick, you would likely be fed meat by the hospital to get your body going again…" I theorized. "We don't have anything else…"

 _Let it be chaos then,_ Edward begged, fearing that I was truly interested in taking a life.

 _I can handle chaos_ , Eleazar assured me. All of them preferred to avoid harming a human. I found myself frustrated with their choice. Sure, I didn't want to harm a human, but their progress was slowing and they _needed_ nourishment. My venom production wasn't enough, and I wasn't getting any food, so I produced even less now.

I kept a growl to myself. My thoughts swirled around my family, and how I could help them the best way possible. I _knew_ harming a human would be bad, but I had to do _something_.

"I will practice my gift, then," I suggested. I tried not to sound frustrated, not wanting to burden them. I felt their relief and their tiredness.

I spent my days trying to extend my gift to leave the property. My progress was slow, but I became more intent than ever when I found that I couldn't produce enough venom to give away. I gave the few droplets I managed to produce to Edward, but it was far from enough. What I produced now was so little, and I wasn't getting fed. I hadn't eaten in so long, and it was making me unable to help my family.

Forcing my shield to bend to my will became my new main-objective. I felt tired and uncomfortable at working with it – It felt like pushing against the universe. But I had to do something.

* * *

It took until October to finally reach a bush-area. It almost physically hurt me, but I was driven by a kind of blood-lust. I had to protect my family, so I had to keep their gifts under control, but I also had to leave them to gather food. I had almost managed 30 yards, which allowed me entrance to a forest-y area. There wasn't much food here, but much more than in my yard. Here I could leave out carcass for other animals, and have larger game, such as foxes, come by.

I spent the majority of time outside. I worried about my family, but since I kept them calm, I knew they weren't really under any stress.

"I think Rosalie will respond soon," I revealed. We were nearing December and nothing good had come from my months without food. Still, no one had regressed, they just hadn't progresses – except for Jasper, who was very, very slowly producing the slightest of venom.

Now, however, I had managed to get enough venom and food from all the critters near the entrance of the forest. I even went so far as to steal my neighbors' food and trash to attract more animals. I did whatever I could to get venom and animal blood.

* * *

It had been a particularly trying week. Food was scarce again, the animals in the wood hiding or whatever they did, but the neighborhood was throwing a birthday party as someone was turning 40, and they were having an outdoor barbecue with an entire pig in large tents. The pig was whole, so once the men started cutting and preparing, the blood flowed.

The blood was nowhere near anything delicious – to me, at least. But to several vampires, who had been starving for a while, who hadn't eaten really in years, and whose primary source of food had been animals, this turned out to be utter torture.

What I had dreaded the most happened – they freaked out. Their bodies were so weak, still fighting to produce venom and get started, but their blood-lust was complete.

I was terrified at the mental screams coming from them, and several of them, Jasper and Emmett, tried to rise from the coffins. Their bodies were weak, but their movements were uncoordinated, making them a real hazard to themselves.

I had to force them into submission with Jasper's gift. It went to such an extent that I effectively trapped them in their minds.

 _I hate being here_ , Emmett whined, once the party was over and the smells had disappeared. I felt a jolt of pain – wishing I could help him better.

"I know," I replied.

 _I'm grateful, but the smells are torture_ … Emmett continued.

A good thing that came from it was the Emmett, Edward, and Jasper were now able to move. I brought sun-chairs into the basement for them to sit in – this way they could see more and communicate better.

I had forgotten how I looked, and when I opened their eyes for them, and they saw me, I saw their horror. Despite their weakened bodies, they were still vampires and fast. I had surprised them so much that they couldn't even consider hiding the emotions that swept across their faces when they saw me, nor could they hide their horror and pain. I felt their pity, but also their deep sense of love. I truly looked like a monster. I had never felt that vampires were monster, but I certainly looked the part. I was whiter than ever, more bruised around the eyes, and my eyes had a permanent color of pitch black. I looked like a demon sent from Hell.

 _Bella_ … Edward, like always, tried so hard to make me happy and let me know that he loved me. He felt so guilty for leaving me alone, and I tried to negate that guilt.

"The world isn't on your shoulders, Edward. You'll be better soon, and then everything will be better…" Even to my own ears, it sounded like a lie. They had heard me talk aloud to myself, pretending to talk to them and make up silly replies. Their pity and worry reverberated in their minds, and I felt like such a damaged freak. I kept those emotions safely hidden away, knowing that Jasper would feel even worse, and worrying that such emotions would hurt his progress.

* * *

"I-" Edward faltered. I stared at him with my mouth open. The word had been quiet, and had I not had my amazing hearing, I would've missed it. His eyes widened just a bit. _I love you. I want to say it, but talking feels… unknown._

 _What's happening?_ Jasper wondered, curious. He had heard something.

"Edward almost spoke," I said out loud, for the benefit of my family. "He says it's difficult to speak, as it it's unknown to him.

 _It feels like I have yet to unlock the ability_. Trust Emmett to make a gaming reference.

"Emmett says it feels like he has yet to unlock the ability…"

Fdsfhisdfhdsuifds****

Rosalie came to just before Christmas. Since a lot of my family was awake, I focused on giving venom to the ones waiting.

 _What's going on?_ For some reason, Rosalie seemed to become aware as I was feeding her with a tube – I still did this in order to get the food all the way down into their stomachs. Unlike the others, _she_ could sense that I was doing something to her body. I wondered why this was. Briefly I recalled a story about how she became a vampire, and I wondered if the feeling of having your body taken from you made her that much more aware. Was she feeling violated? Had the violation of her death heightened this sense?

"Rosalie, it's Bella. Be calm…" I told her.

 _Emmett_ … As always, her first thought strayed to her mate – just like the others' had.

"Emmett is fine," I assured her.

 _What happened?_

As I cleaned Rosalie and brushed her hair, I told her what had happened – keeping in mind to keep her subdued with Jasper's gift. She, like the others, rebelled despite understanding the necessity of not harming herself. I could tell she was angry, but she felt better knowing I had killed the Volturi.

* * *

Garrett called in January. He had news, but not good. Things were getting chaotic – vampires were regrouping and it seemed that an all-out war was likely to happen. There were several vampires who were staking a claim for the throne, and none of them were sane.

"Many believe that exposure won't matter – they think that in a hundred years we will be fables again." Garrett's words were disbelieving. I agreed with him, as it showed that the vampires were lacking a sense of understanding of the human world.

"We have to fight," Garrett said. "I have no idea who I am with. I guess the Egyptian Coven would be best – they're only ten or so, but very powerful, and they don't believe in exposure…"

"Why we even need to select the least horrible coven is beyond me… There has to be another way…" I growled in frustrating, albeit quietly. I hadn't told my family about the development in the vampire world. Frankly, I was surprised that they hadn't asked. Perhaps it hadn't crossed their minds yet.

"Well, we can't exactly go make our own…" I could almost hear Garrett shrug. "Anyway, things are tensing up – I don't know for how long I will stay…"

"Stay safe… Contact me if you need anything, or if you leave Europe…"

I wondered if I could let Garrett know where I was. With Jasper and Edward awake, I would be able to control him. I would know of his plans.

The question was, could I chance the safety of my family for Garrett's safety?

I decided that I couldn't, not unless Garrett was truly unsafe, as in someone would be after him.

Of course, questions regarding the state of the vampire world eventually started to appear. When Esme awoke, and I had gone through the cycle of telling her what had happened to her, I also told them all about Garrett. True Esme-style, Esme, despite her lack of strength and movability, immediately insisted that we should protect our friends.

Perhaps I was just too paranoid, but my family didn't seem to share my hesitance about involving anyone. It kind of made it very obvious of how protective I was of them.

* * *

 **We're getting closer to the end. Thank you so much for your awesome reviews :D**


	37. Change

**STILL**

I am looking for a BETA to go through all previous chapters. I will upload once a week, as always, but old chapters will be proofread and re-uploaded. You might wonder why I don't BETA the newest chapter before upload, but that's because I am too impatient and BETA-ing isn't high enough on my list for future chapters. I know I am doing it in the wrong order, but *shrug*…

Is anyone interested? I know it's quite a bit, since the story is so long, but if there are multiple people, I can give you each a few chapters… You can even offer to just beta one or two chapters only. Whatever floats your boat xD

* * *

Thank you for your awesome reviews! I tend to respond to you all, except for the guest-reviews, which I can't respond to. Thank you so much for your reviews!

* * *

 **Chapter 37 – Change**

For vampires, change has always been a difficult thing. When we became vampires, our lives became set in stone, mostly, and almost only huge things could really touch us.

For my family, this meant everything.

When they awoke, everything was changed. Their world as they knew it had changed, their beliefs had changed, and _they_ had changed.

To say it was frightening to them would be an understatement.

By borrowing my Edward's gift, I saw what had transpired on that field, some 3 years ago, through their point of view. I recalled their emotions through Jasper's memories, and I recalled the feeble hope they had felt, that everything would be fine. I saw when they realized that it _wouldn't_ be fine.

I saw how anxious they had been, and how close they stood, holding hands and supporting each other. Sadly, I had seen the same scene, but from Aro's point of view - and his view was tainted by the jealousy and anger.

I told my family about Aro – I told them of what I had learned. For them to find out that the people they had trusted, to uphold our secret world, had been deceitful, greedy, and had already judged them beforehand – it hurt them beyond words. It was a deep betrayal, but none of them was hurt as much as Carlisle and Eleazar.

Carlisle and Eleazar took it especially rough. Both fell silent, and I felt their pained emotions and frustrations, and the deep betrayal. I let them deal with it, knowing that they were finally strong enough to work those emotions by themselves without hurting themselves. Eleazar had worked for the Volturi, and getting a glimpse of their true purpose had pained him so much. He had had an idea that Aro was a collector, but how deep it all went had shocked him. Carlisle felt it was all his fault, which we all assured him that it wasn't.

Irina, Kate, and Tanya were affected deeply as well. I told the truth of the extent of Aro's horrors, of his experiments. While they were all disgusted and horrified, it was painful to find out that Aro, too, had broken the law, and while he went free their mother had been punished with death. Considering all the things he had done, they felt the betrayal deeply. Would she have been spared had she been talented? Would a real leader have taught her the right ways, rather than punish immediately?

They also had to deal with their own private horrors. At some point in the interaction with Aro, they all came to realize that this was the end. Some were certain of their deaths early on, others it was just before it happened. Each of them had to deal with what Alex did to them; each of them had to deal with not feeling, and only hearing what went on. Each of them had to deal with the immense terror from hearing the first vampire get ripped into pieces. The deep fear of losing their mates had shaken them all.

I saw through Edward his immense fear at reading Aro's thoughts – Aro had certainly done his best to avoid this, but by then it had been too late. Edward had been silenced with Alex's gift, unable to tell me to run. The love I felt from him, the utter fear – it had been overwhelming.

Jasper had been anguished, and had squeezed Alice's hand with all his might as I told them Aro's view. She, Alice, had been the first to die. I told her how Aro had considered her valuable, but just as equally dangerous. Her death had been the most important one, as it would otherwise have tipped us off before.

I explained to them how Aro had worked to avoid her gift – to avoid making decisions and to keep his thoughts timeless, as to not tip her off. I told about his desire for gifted vampires, and I explained how jealous he had been of Carlisle, and of us all. I told them how long he had kept an eye on the family, and of his jealousy and rage. I told them about the wives, how they had been kept like prisoners, and I told them that Aro had murdered Marcus's wife.

My poor family also had to deal with waking up. Many of them recalled the confusion of just coming to. To them, it had felt like blinking – but upon blinking, everything had seemed so different. At first, many of them had believed that they were still under Alex's influence, and were still on the field. It had taken a while to realize that something had changed, but then they had to deal with the uncertainty and the lack of answers – answers I hadn't provided because in the very beginning, when they had just awoken, answers would've caused them more harm.

They also had to deal with _me_. Of course, I was in control of myself, but I wasn't the Bella they recalled. The Bella they remembered was a red-eyed and crazy newborn, but the Bella they saw now, when they first opened their eyes, was vastly different.

The first unfortunate vampires to see me had been Jasper and Edward. To them, I had looked like Hell. However, as my gift had expanded, I had been able to eat more and look less of a demon, so when the others could open their eyes, they saw a calm, golden-eyed vampire.

I was far from the newborn vampire they remembered, and it took a while for them to understand how many years had actually passed. They had missed so much of my new life.

As with human babies, the first few months are crucial. The same could be said about a vampire's first few months. I was so solely focused on saving my family, gathering venom, and protecting them, that it was really ingrained in me. Not only that, being alone with a bunch of 'puppets' had made me somewhat crazy in some instances. Normal newborns didn't talk to themselves, but I had.

I talked a lot to myself, and often with different voices. I had done it to pretend that I spoke with my family, but now I had trouble giving up the habit. I tried to control it, but it was very obvious when it was magazine-day. I brought in our usual magazines, and I slowly went through them, while talking.

They had been silent at first, listening to whatever I said, and it had been very apparent to them that I hadn't needed their input, because I created it myself.

As I cleaned them and brushed their hair, it also became very apparent that I was very protective and careful of them. They found it frustratingly sad that I overlooked myself to care of them – even more so as it could've become an ingrained part of my vampire self – something I wouldn't be able to get rid of. Hopefully, we had eternity to change to the better.

As for myself, I had my own issues to work through. While it had always been my priority for me to wake up my family, when it actually happened, I felt sort of lost. I now needed to get used to them being alive, and that also meant I had to try to be less _alone_ , and perhaps less of an extreme paranoid caretaker. I had been the extreme caretaker for so long, and I had been in such an unlikely situation as well, so it was an ingrained part of me. I really did try to calm down – I knew that it would get weird otherwise, as I was very, very protective of them.

I had a lot of small notions that had shaped me since I had become a vampire – notions I now had to abandon. One of the worst things to abandon, or loosen up on, and most difficult things as well, was my protectiveness.

My family was aware and strong enough now to sit on their own. They weren't entirely steady on their own, and so I still brought them food. However, they had desires and ideas, and when I first had told them about Garrett, Esme had insisted that I invite him.

"Perhaps later," I replied, uncertain.

"Bella, he's your friend and he's been very helpful. Garrett needs to know that we're backing him…" Esme replied, kindly.

I cringed, "Sure, I agree. I just need you all to get a bit better first," I said.

"You said you trusted him," Carlisle reminded me.

"To an extent," I amended. "I know you want to help, but you're not ready, and I won't take a chance on your health." My voice was final, insisting, and my family backed off. I knew they only backed off because of my emotional state – I had _just_ gotten them all back, and to lose them again would be horrible.

"When we're better then," Carlisle agreed quietly. In his mind, I knew he fretted for this faceless man whose life was on the line somewhere in Europe. I fretted too, but I had my priorities straight: my family came first. As helpful as Garrett had been, I didn't take chances.

* * *

"There are several making a bid for the throne, so to speak," I explained. "Maria is one of them…" I glanced towards Jasper. He looked frail, but determined and angry.

"We will have to end her – it's certainly overdue," Jasper acknowledged. "I wonder if Peter and Charlotte are alive…" As he spoke, I recalled how Aro had first gotten information about our family – about me. It had been an innocent chance encounter with Jasper and Charlotte.

"They were the ones to tell Aro about Edward and me – the ones to give Aro an excuse," I revealed, uncertain. "I don't blame them; they certainly had no choice…" I quickly added. Still, Jasper looked pained and guilty. I gently padded his hand.

"I can scout for them," I offered, eager to try to use Alice's strange gift. Alice looked amused at my offer, and I saw how she scouted ahead as well. I let go of Edward's gift, since I didn't want to have Alice's vision run parallel with my own.

I failed spectacularly at seeing anything. So far, I had no control over Alice's gift, so _seeing_ on command was almost impossible. Alice heard my grunt.

"Well, you've never met Peter and Charlotte," Alice reminded me in quiet comfort.

"You can see people you haven't met… And technically, I've met them through your memories." I tried to will a vision to appear, but I failed. Instead, another vision appeared. "I am hunting later, apparently, and I will get a dear for us – a small one…"

"That's awesome," Edward applauded me.

Alice kept an eye out for Peter and Charlotte, and I decided to ask Garrett if he could find them when I felt my family was ready and strong enough to meet him.

* * *

One of the worrying changes to all that had happened was the bond between Edward and me. Before all this had happened, we had been mates. We had had dozens of conversations about our belief, our ideas, dreams, and way of life – I recalled them all.

Edward had been alone for 90-odd years, and his vampire ways were certainly ingrained in him. While we had spoken about women, nowadays, being free and able-bodied, unlike the women from his original time, his base instinct would always be to take care of me, to love me, to applaud me.

However, I had been alone my entire un-life, and I didn't need anyone to tell me I was doing good, because I knew where I stood when I did things. I might second-guess myself, but I always used myself to go through my thoughts. I might've become a bit crazy, but I was very strong mentally. I stood on my own two feet, and I took care of things – one way or the other. I did what I had to do; I had become so independent that I didn't need anyone.

This meant that Edward's praise and care had become superfluous to me; I knew I loved him, there was no doubt about it, but to some degree, I had now become uncertain of whether I _needed_ him. Had our love become purely platonic?

We had both been fearful for a moment of our bond being lost. However, as Carlisle pointed out, the fact that we had these fears showed that our bond was still there – we just needed to re-acquaint ourselves with each other.

And so, whenever I wasn't hunting and gathering venom, even though my family could produce their own now – albeit very slow – Edward and I would talk. We spent countless of hours talking, and trying to get to know each other again. We talked about my family, my human life, and I told him that I had kept an eye on Charlie and Renee, and even called them. He had been beyond sad that he hadn't been there for me.

I was pleased to discover that there was something that certainly _wasn't_ superfluous: his love. When he told me he loved me, I felt such a jolt go through me emotionally – every time. And when we touched, I felt the same jolt speed between our touch physically.

We talked a lot – I divulged everything. What I had been hesitant about revealing, Edward had insisted that I reveal, and so he ended up knowing everything I had been up to.

I managed to keep it from the others, as I learned how to remove my shield from me, so that Edward could read my mind. It was very uncomfortable to do, and it made me feel immensely naked, and removing my shield also meant I entirely gave up my gift, so that I lost the ability to borrow. Still, I did it for Edward – I did it for us.

Edward, of course, worked a lot with his own emotions and instincts. Seeing my memories made it very apparent how _alone_ I had been, and he needed so much to comfort me, but he needed to do it in a way that suited my forced independence, and I, of course, tried to work hard to include Edward.

I knew we had a very long way to go – not just Edward and me, but all of us. We all had lost a part of us when the Volturi attacked – be it our innocent belief or trust in the future.

Alice took it hard as well – she blamed herself a lot. Of course, no one else blamed her, and Jasper was a great help for her – and me, for that matter. Jasper had been in wars before, so he knew about the kind-of-PTSD that we all suffered from – especially me. I spoke at lengths with him as well, especially about the future.

* * *

"We have to do something…" Esme's voice was weak, but certain. She was sitting stiffly her sun-chair. Now that they were fully healed and their bodies more robust, I had put each of them in a sun-chair, and placed them in a circle so that they could see each other. Emmett spent a lot of time trying to make weird face, and at the same time staring longingly at Rose.

Many of my family members were squeezing a small ball, trying to get used to movement. They said they felt like they had been born – incapable of speech and movement at first. It got better quickly, though.

Of course, once Jasper had gotten enough control over himself and his gift, I was talked into finally going on a huge hunting trip. I had been unwilling, but everyone had insisted, and so I had gone.

For a full day, I had gorged on various large animals, and I had filled so many flasks with venom and animal blood. We had a real feast when I got back. Even the animal blood had made them somewhat crazy, but since their bodies were so weak, I could easily control them with Jasper's gift.

Once I had managed to feed them all properly, strides had been made.

"You fed us with a tube?" Tanya wondered in disbelief.

"Well, I had to feed you somehow," I rationalized. "At first, I had fed you blood, but you didn't produce venom and I had given you too much blood for the venom I gave you to digest, and so it clotted inside of you," I revealed, recalling the horror when I had first realized.

"That sounds uncomfortable and disgusting," Rosalie surmised. Her gaze softened a bit – it was pretty weird. Rosalie had always been somewhat stand-off-ish, though not necessarily unkind. Now, however, she looked at me with such care. It was weird to recall how she had inspired my bitch-stare.

"It was pretty gross," I agreed. "I gave you loads of venom, which eventually took care of it, but I ended up having to postpone feeding you blood until you had enough venom to digest it," I revealed.

"I can't imagine how you got so much venom gathered. I mean, despite eating animals, it's not exactly something that gets the venom flowing," Eleazar said, easily. Edward stiffened.

"We don't blame you," Carlisle assured me, seriously.

"We understand the sacrifices you've made, and we're truly grateful," Edward added, his tone as tender just like his eyes.

"You think I ate humans," I realized. The trust, the love, and the acceptance in all of their eyes were almost overwhelming. I had to let Jasper's gift go when I felt their emotions. It was too much.

"We understand, darling," Esme assured me, lovingly.

"I never ate a human," I quickly said, smiling wryly. Their shock was palpable and I borrowed Jasper's gift again. I chuckled. "About a month after you had been hurt, I smelled a human. I fully intended to eat him, but when I realized how much venom I produced I just couldn't – I stopped." They looked at me with shock and awe; it was very strange to see and feel.

"What?" Edward wondered, surprised. "I thought, when you suggested we ate humans…"

"That was solely for you – to get you better," I told them. "My venom production has been my greatest strength," I explained, serious. "Getting you better was my only objective, and so I _needed_ my venom. I couldn't waste it on eating a human – I could hardly waste it on eating an animal," I explained. Once more, forgetting that what I had done was really not normal, I just continued unthinkingly. "I started collecting venom by using human scents. Not soon after moving here, I started visiting the hospital and sniffing blood – it really got the venom going. Blood felt so amazing; it just made me feel like I was high. I think that's what heroin addicts must feel. I felt like I was riding on a sky, just soaking in venom and blood. My throat and jaw hurt from how much venom I produced, my body almost tingled…" I trailed off, feeling a slight poke from Jasper with his gift.

My voice had turned almost dreamy and sensual, and the emotions I sent out had bordered on lust. I pulled back the emotions.

"I'm sorry, I-" I shook my head, realizing how much I had revealed just now. I had made them feel my emotions, almost. They looked a little worked up, and I gently calmed them.

"Blood is powerful," Carlisle agreed quietly. In their minds, I saw the awe they had for me and what I had accomplished – and alone. Of course, they didn't realize that I hadn't been alone. I had had my need to help my family, and that need had been a constant reminder.

"It felt like so much more. I never felt the need to drink it, but what it did to me, to my body – my venom-production…" I trailed off. I should probably feel ashamed, but for some reason I didn't. The memories had felt so natural.

"I've never considered doing that," Emmett pondered, waggling his eyebrows at Rosalie. She looked contemplating.

"It's a different way to explore your thirst." Jasper chuckled lightly.

Edward was staring at me intently, and when we locked eyes, he winked at me. I could hear from his mind that the idea of rolling around in blood seemed appealing, especially if I was rolling around with him. I felt my needs stir again, so I had to control myself.

* * *

Despite their weakened state, they all longed to move about, to hunt; they all _needed_ it. Still, I was adamant that it was far too dangerous to take them all outside at once, and since my gift could stretch far enough. We ended up compromising: I took one of them out at a time, staying within range so that I could borrow all gifts.

They agreed mostly to appease me. It was obvious that I needed the control – I had spent too much time worrying about their safety, and if something _did_ happen…

I brought each of them out each night, and I got the chance to talk to them. Carlisle, especially, found it all very curious. Frightening, no doubt, but interesting. He spent almost more time trying to work his body, running and testing, than eating.

The Denali sisters and I spoke about their life as vampires, and how they mingled with humans. They enjoyed making trinkets, and they actually had their own small shop – something I had been completely unaware of. They also told me about their mother, and how angry they were with the Volturi.

I also spoke at lengths with them about my own troubles – they had all been very curious. I told them how my need to save them had driven me to great lengths, good and bad. I told them that while they might've been _asleep_ , they had been there in the spirit, guiding me and helping me. The love I had for them all, the dedication, humbled each of them, and our bond was stronger than ever. The ones I hadn't known well before I now loved, and while their love was limited, because they hadn't been aware, we still grew a strong and tight bond. That's how I learned how delightful our cousins actually were.

Edward and I found our love in the forest. We spoke a lot, both vocally and mentally. I tried to tell him all I had experienced, and we tried to find each other in the chaos. It became very apparent that I had missed him a lot, missed him beyond words, and when he saw what I had gone through, he had broken down. Him breaking down set me off, as well, and I cried more than I had ever cried. We held each other as we talked.

Eventually, we shared our first kiss, and it felt so _right_. The kiss, however, seemed to break a dam, and I broke down again. Edward held me the entire time as he watched the chaos in my head. He promised that he'd never leave, that he loved me beyond words.

While I had been independent before, I found that including Edward was becoming easier. I needed his voice, his ideas, so I felt I could easily share with him.

"Perhaps you can lift your shield, but still keep a hold of the other's gifts?" Edward suggested. I liked the idea of being so flexible. Right now, I worked on an all or nothing premise, but it would be great. I promised to look into it.

"I've missed you so much," I revealed, leaning into his embrace. His arms went around me, holding me tightly. This tightness made me break down, for the third time that evening. I ended up crying hysterically for a while; it had been so long that Edward, or anyone had held me. I had felt so alone. I had missed him so much!

The evenings with Edward had been an affirmation of our love; I felt such a burden slip from my shoulder, and I knew Edward felt it too. After that evening, I felt stronger - a different kind of strong.

* * *

"You've been amazing," Rosalie shook her head in amazement. "I swear, I have a long way before I get used to human blood again… I was getting so good at it, too." Rosalie referred to the time before the Volturi, where she had worked on fighting the bloodlust so that she could work with children one day.

"You'll get there." I smiled lightly to her, not knowing what else to say. Something had been weighing heavily on my mind for a while now, and Rosalie sensed my discomfort, or hesitation. She turned to me and looked at me imploringly.

"Bella? You've been a bit off, for a while. At least towards me…" Rosalie told me. I nodded.

"I-" I paused. "Rose, you were brought into this world against your will. I know your life as a vampire hasn't been easy, especially due to your human life," I added. "First Carlisle brought you into this world without asking, and now me. No one has bothered to ask what _you_ want. But that's what I'm going to do now: if you don't want to live, then it's my duty to undo what I've done. If I can give you life, I should be decent enough to end it as well – if that's what you want…" I stared at her imploringly. I doubted she'd choose death, but I felt I owed her the offer.

Rosalie, despite her weakened state, threw her arms around me in a hug. I hugged her back, and I felt her body shake the slightest.

"Bella, to offer me death… No one's ever done that before," Rosalie told me, emotionally. She cracked a wry smile at what she had set, and I chuckled lightly.

"I'm responsible now," I told her, seriously. "I took away your choice…"

"I never considered dying – I love Emmett," Rosalie assured me. "I think the problem was always being _aware_ of how much I had lost. I often felt like I was the Little Match Girl – looking through the window into the living-room of Life, and dreaming of a day that I could join…" Rosalie shook her head sadly.

"I'm so sorry," I replied, unable to come up with anything else. Rosalie sent me a happy smile.

"Don't be. For a long time, I've hated myself for being a vampire, for missing what I couldn't have. I hated Carlisle partly for making me _this_ , and I hated _myself_ for turning Emmett…" Rosalie revealed. "Emmett…" She sighed with love. "Bless that goof, he doesn't blame me – not ever. His view on things cancel out mine." She laughed softly.

"Many years ago I had considered working with humans, perhaps even children. I was too afraid, however. Then you came along, and I had to re-evaluate some things – unless I wanted to be a total bitch…" She chuckled lightly. "I know my emotions and my actions never really went along in harmony, I think it was due to my human needs being so ingrained in me, but along the way, I found that I _knew_ I had to do something, yet I felt unable to do… anything." I let Rosalie talk, wondering where it was heading. "I felt stuck by my human emotions."

"I am not all sad," she told me with a gentle laugh. "We vampires have difficult in changing, but I think that things might just be turning now… Things are _different_ …" The last was spoken with a soft voice.

"Different?" I wondered

"Perhaps it's because I'm a newborn again. I've been changed, once more… Perhaps this was just so huge… But-" she stilled. "- I don't feel the same pull, anymore. I don't feel the same sadness over losing what I never really had." I recalled how her human life had been forfeit. "I need Emmett more than anything. I always knew I needed him, but I just also needed the other things… Now, I just need him, the family… I think I'm going to be better now. Yes, definitely better…" She seemed to reach some internal conclusion, and I felt happy for her. Who knew what had happened with them when they were _re-changed_? This was a new chance.

* * *

The talk between Rosalie and me had made us very close. It had been emotional and considerate, unlike her usual behavior.

I had looked forward to having my time with Alice as well. I quickly found that things were much as we remembered them – we fell into our old roles easily, though this time I had much more edge. Being able to borrow her gift made our interaction extremely amusing, and we spent a lot of time exploring it, as it allowed Alice to learn more about her gift now that she could spar with someone.

She also taught me a lot of tips and tricks.

As with Rosalie, our conversations were emotional as well. We talked about her failure to see Aro's true purpose. It wasn't her failure, of course, but she felt that she had failed, and we talked about it. She felt she needed to apologize to me, and I told her that her vision of the future, us running in the summer, was what had kept me going.

"Really?" Alice wondered. Her lips quivered lightly.

"Without it, I might not have had any hope at all…"

* * *

"I agree with Carlisle," Esme said. She looked towards her husband with devotion. Their hands were joined in a loose grip, and it tightened just a bit for a second.

"We have to fight," Emmett insisted.

"I swear, you're just getting better and you want to go fight," I growled lightly at Emmett at the idea. Ever the parent.

"Well, this is different," Emmett assured me.

"You losing your lives again aren't different… Do you feel you have to prove something?" I asked the last part with a smirk.

"Save me the therapy session," Emmett growled petulantly. I knew he hated being so still, and being so stuck. They could move around in the basement, but we were living among humans, and they couldn't leave the house or indicate that they were there – questions might be asked. Still, with our super vision, they could prowl around at night.

"Emmett might be eager to fight, too eager, but it doesn't remove the actual point: we have to do something," Carlisle insisted, sadly. "Humans are resilient; it's not like in the old times. It will be chaos. We have to ensure that we're not exposed."

"What do you see?" Carmen's voice was soft, and all eyes shifted between Alice and me. I leaned my head back, trying to use Alice's gift. I let go of Edward's gift shortly as to not confuse myself, and then Alice and I stared into the future.

Perhaps it was because I was so overly careful and protective of my family, but I had come to understand Alice's gift much better. I tried to use it all the time, because I knew it would be a great tool to help me keep my family safe. The need to keep my family safe made me more inclined to learn.

I looked for ways to keep my family safe, but everything pointed towards exposure, and that would be bad in the end.

"Chaos," I said. "The humans cannot know." I borrowed Edward's gif to see what Alice saw, and I wrinkled my nose at what Alice was trying to see. She was scouting ahead to see what would happen if the family fought – more importantly: if I tapped into all their powers. Technically, we'd have a double of all powers if I could tap into them all.

"We'd have a good chance if Bella fights – we'll have double powers. Still, the future seems uncertain. I think you need to work on trying to borrow all our gifts at the same time." Alice looked towards me, considering.

"It's so confusing," I mumbled, frustrated. I tried to scout ahead, to change my decisions.

"Considering what you've done up until now, this should be a piece of cake," Jasper chuckled lightly, sending a wave of love towards me. I think I would've blushed at the attention they all gave me, had I been human. It had been so long since I had talked with anyone.

"You should let Garrett know that we can protect him – we're soon strong enough to hunt for ourselves, and you can tap into our powers," Esme suggested.

"I wish we had a vampire with a more physical gift – then it would be much safer," I replied.

"Bella, we only need another month or so, and then we're fully functional," Kate assured me. "We can fight – as long as we're not outnumbered."

"And what if our enemies don't have any gifts, but are superb at fighting?" I wondered, seriously.

"I say we go to Volterra and then you use your gift to borrow _all_ of their gifts at the same time!" Emmett grinned eagerly at the idea. Alice was skimming ahead to see the result, and I followed her closely.

"I can't see anything – you're unwilling," Alice said. "Or there's a power that _might_ interfere… Bah!" Alice growled, frustrated. "I am going shopping as the first thing when I get out of here. I need some sense of normalcy. I wonder how the stocks have fared…"

"Did I ever tell you that I bought you a pixie costume?" I pondered, relaxed. Alice looked at me horrified.

"You didn't make me wear it, did you?" Her voice was bordering a screech. The others laughed at the idea.

"Of course not," I denied. "You were too fragile, then... You know, I did tape our time together – in the beginning."

"Why only the beginning?" Edward wondered.

"Can we watch it?

"I became a bit depressed and forgot about it," I admitted. "I think, with so much time I had plenty of time to cycle through all of the stages – depression, anxiety, anger, and so on…" I explained. "I don't know about watching them…"

"Come on," Emmett begged. "I want to know what I missed." He sounded genuinely hurt and curious, and I could tell the others were as well. They wanted to know what had gone on while they had been _asleep_.

I found the tapes within seconds. "I might seem a bit odd to you," I admitted. "I will hunt while you watch…" I knew they deserved the truth, even my strange moments. Still, I didn't need to be around to feel or see their pity. I'd let them compose themselves.

* * *

 **Next chapter is about meeting Garrett, Peter and Charlotte, as well as telling them what happened, and figuring our what to do with the vampire situation.**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter :D**


	38. Visitors

Thank you so much for your reviews! I especially want to thank the **guest-** reviews – I can't answer your reviews, like I answer the signed-in reviews (I pm them), so thank you for reviewing!

* * *

An early update ;) Almost early.

* * *

 **Chapter 38 – Visitors**

Later, I would question the wisdom in letting my family see the videos I had made. I had made quite a few videos – some included the first holidays (before I lost the will to acknowledge them, and later grew to hate them), and some were just daily business, where I told them what went on and such, as well pretended to have a normal life.

The reason I had made the videos were not just for my family's sake, but also my own. It was abundantly clear in them how I tried to pretend, almost manically, to have a normal family, and a normal life. At the time, it had made me calm, and less crazy.

I had intended for them to see themselves, see what they had missed. Unfortunately, they would get to see me, too, and I wasn't too stable in those videos.

Esme was absolutely distraught at seeing the videos – they all were, really. Her care, and her tenderness, was absolutely overwhelming, and she cried at the injustice of what had happened. Carlisle was more introspective, though still clearly pained. No matter what we all said, a small part of him blamed himself deeply – if only he had seen through Aro, if only, if only…

The Denali were beyond touched that, despite not knowing them so well beforehand, I had done my very best to heal them, and to include them. I left none of them behind, and I took care of them all. Despite mostly being distraught, they were also awed at how well I had done, considering I had been a newborn vampire.

As they watched the videos, I had gone out to gather venom and hunt, but I was still within range to keep an eye on them, so to speak. Still, their emotions quickly became unbearable. They found many of the things I did funny, but everything was tainted with sadness and guilt, as everything funny I did was crazy. Not only that, but they slowly saw my appearance degrade, as my focus became more and more singular.

I knew it was one aspect I couldn't control – shouldn't control. I would have to let them come to terms with everything, and then we could talk. To be honest, I felt fine – there was a positive aspect to it all. I had liked who I were as a human, and while the situations I had experienced as a vampire were far from pleasant, I liked what they did to me – some of it, of course. I liked my independence and my thought-process, and I liked how adaptable I was – something many vampires had troubles with. It wasn't so much my personality that adapted, but rather a very, very ingrained need to be on the forefront of everything. This need allowed me to be fearless in the face of adversity, and to push through.

Then there were the bad things – primarily the massive paranoia, and the overwhelming need to protect every single person of the family to a neurotic degree. I feared for when we split up – be it just the Cullens and Denali, or if someone went traveling. The mere thought of Carlisle going to work seemed to make me _uncomfortable_. Something could happen. That was something I would have to deal with, but I had spoken with Edward, and he promised to help me. I hoped it wouldn't be a fixed part of me forever, and I would have to work hard to control it, if not get rid of it.

As I hunted, while they watched the videos, I tried to shield myself from their loud thoughts and emotions, I tried to work on my ability. If I could cut Jasper and Edward off from hearing other people or feel their emotions, why shouldn't I be able to cut myself off as well?

It turned out that I _could_ , though it was difficult and counter intuitive. Once I understood the mechanics of my ability, however, it got a lot easier. With plenty of humans around, however, I managed to cut off the thoughts and feelings of my family, and focused instead of my human neighbors. Choosing between people was difficult, but it would enable to the avoid specific input, such as Eleazar's gift, which wasn't useful to me.

In my mind, my ability was like multiple lines spreading out from me. I imagined a white line touching everyone – it was my own ability, which read people. Then I imagined that people with gifts turned my line yellow-ish, indicating that there was a gift. When I borrowed a gift, the line turned blue. Once the line turned blue, _I_ turned blue, and every line I had, touching people, would turn purple, indicating that I was now touching them with a gift – of course, this was just how I imagined it.

I tried to organize it so that I understood it mentally, and I knew I had a long way to go. What about the colors of different gifts? Right now, when I borrowed a gift, for example Edward's, it was all or nothing. Either I heard everyone's thoughts or I heard none. I tried, in my mind, to imagine choosing between the people whose minds I wanted to focus on – thus cutting off others.

I wasn't sure I could be this flexible, but I knew it would be great for Edward if I could help him chose whose minds he wanted to hear – I could help him separate the sources.

Trying to get my ability to do what I wanted turned out to be interesting. I tried to solely focus on my human neighbors. I would never be an adult fully – I had been turned at 19, and I would always be teenager, so I enjoyed looking into their houses and minds – somewhat.

Edward joined me a while later. He climbed the tree I had settled in.

"It's so… Intense…" His voice was a whisper. I grasped his hand and pulled him into my embrace.

"I know," I replied, calmly. "I thought you deserved to see all aspects," I said.

"I looked so dead, we all did, and you seemed so…" He trailed off, pained. I had managed to shut his thoughts and emotions off from me, so I had no idea what went on inside of him. "I can't even remember being dead – I don't remember… anything…" He seemed disbelieving of this. "As a vampire, I've always been used know everything – never forget. It makes me – us all – feel vulnerable… At the same time, I've never felt more _alive_ …" He gazed at me intently. "I have so many things I want to do – so many dreams. To think that I could lose them…" He trailed off, but I continued to pay attention. I was surprised to find that many of them had become aware of their own mortality. Sure, they were hard to kill, but it wasn't impossible. Being a vampire meant nearly unlimited time, so it was easy to put things off.

He continued after a light pause. "I think we're all going to focus on our dreams, now." He squeezed my hand and sent me a loving smile. "I _can't_ imagine how strong you've been… Wrapping my head around it… It's… It's…" Edward trailed off, frustrated.

"I guess I see what you mean, but being in it, standing in it, there was always only one way forward. Sometimes, I did wonder if I would've died had I been human…" I knew our family could hear us – we were close enough. I didn't mind – this was for them as well. For their well-being, we all had to be honest and open, and they had to understand that I was okay.

"Come, let's go meet them," I said. We jumped gracefully out of the tree, and sprinted into the house. Everyone was silent, but smiled as we entered. Unspoken, each of them came up and hugged me tightly, and I was glad that I had still cut them off from me - otherwise I would surely have buckled under the emotions they had to have felt.

"Darling Bella," Esme whispered, as she kissed my cheek.

"The videos were supposed to keep you up to day with the world, not _me_ ," I joked gently.

Emmett snorted, "Well, _you_ were kind of hard to miss." His voice was amused, but it helped loosen the atmosphere as we all chuckled.

"We're all damaged from what happened," Carmen said, emotionally. "We'll get better – together…" We spent the next few hours talking about our experiences. Much was repeated, but for the sake of therapy, no stone was left untouched.

Jasper was great with the emotions, having been in war and having dealt with emotions. He was truly an inspiration to listen to, and with his help, and mine by using Jasper's ability, we all seemed to emotionally settle. Jasper, especially, understood the extreme paranoia I felt – the extreme care and consideration I took into every aspect of what we did. Having been in a vampire army, with newborns that were just waiting for a chance, he understood and could relate to the stress I had been under.

As for the role as a caretaker, I soon realized that Esme and I were much different. I had, for a moment, worried that they would see me as a usurper to the mother-role. I wasn't a mother, nor did I try to be or want to be. Our roles were vastly different, and where Esme would correct our clothes and hug us incessantly, and tell us she loved us, I was more in the background ensuring that, on the larger scale, my family was safe. I wasn't interested in mothering them, I just wanted to ensure that they were well and would survive.

In a sense, they had all truly become my family – someone I would do anything for. The bond between us all was tighter than ever. We weren't just random nomads coming together, we were a _family_.

I tried to embrace the paranoia I had, rather than fight it. I had a firm grasp on the abilities of the family, and I used them to ensure that I knew how they all were mentally, emotionally, and would be future-wise.

I don't think there was much to do about the paranoia I felt. I had been forced to be careful for too long, so fretting and considering all aspects had become a survival instinct. Sure, as we spoke about the Volturi-issue, I knew I would prefer not to fight – to keep my family safe. Once more, Jasper came to my rescue and told me of his human days – of what little he recalled. He said he had primarily fought to keep his friends safe. That was something I decided to do, as well. I'd let them decide, but I would always keep an eye on them and protect them. If they went to war, I would go along and keep them safe – the best way as possible.

"We should consider moving – especially now that everyone is awake," I suggested, once more considering the ramification of having this many vampires in one spot.

"I can't believe we live this close to humans," Carmen said, fascinated. I knew the scents of the humans were tough, but we kept the windows closed, and only went out when necessary.

" _I_ can't believe that you've actually managed to mask our scents," Eleazar added. "There's no hint in the neighborhood or near the woods that vampires live here…" I nodded in agreement – this had been why I had moved here. The thick scent of humans had masked us perfectly. I was going to miss that.

"But getting some space would be perfect," Kate revealed, while stretching languidly.

"Hopefully we can move soon. I would think Denali is the best place to go, first," I said, hoping that they agreed to stay together. Luckily, their survival instincts had them grouping together, and that relieved me. I knew from talking with both Tanya and Carlisle that the houses were pre-paid for the unforeseeable future, and would still be in our possession – each of them had set up an automatic payment, as, it turned out, they liked to keep their houses, even though they moved.

That also meant that the house in Forks was still in our possession. Those thoughts made my stomach clench. It had been years since I had seen my family, but it was unfished business I had to deal with.

"Jasper, I need you to teach me to fight," I said. I had watched an incredible amount of videos about fighting, and read many books. I feared, however, that the human fight-style would do little against vampires, so I needed more training. Jasper said that, having read so many books, I would at least have a good grasp of the fundamentals.

"Sure," Jasper agreed easily. From his mind, I saw that he was looking forward to stretching his limbs, and testing himself.

"Me, me, me!" Emmett insisted, needing to join as well.

"We should all join," Carlisle insisted, and he received nods from all around.

"We'll be close to where it happened," Irina said, instantly making everyone quiet. Being in Denali, we'd only be a short run from the house in Anchorage – the house where they had been killed, and where the Volturi had died as well. I felt goosebumps even considering visiting, but I could hear their reluctant curiosity, and knew that it was probably best that we visited – it would be therapeutic for us all.

* * *

Rosalie and I became surprisingly closer. Perhaps it was because I was a girl, and I technically could read her mind. She didn't have the words, necessarily, or the emotions to explain, and she hated Edward's intrusion. However, _I_ could be her confidant – when _she_ needed it.

I was outside, having just hunted with Edward. He asked me to hang back, since Rosalie seemed to want to speak with me. I tried to use Edward's ability less and less now that they were better, but I still had Alice's ability, and knew that Rose wanted to speak. I hung back.

"Did you know or did Edward tell you?" Rosalie started a light run towards the forest, and I followed her. She wanted to hunt and talk.

"I try not to listen, it's not necessary right now. But I did see that you wanted to talk – but not in details," I said. I avoided mentioning that I knew the subject, as I wanted to let her come to me.

"Can you borrow Edward's gift?" Her quiet demand surprised me, and I instantly picked it up. I felt her mind flood me for a second, before I got used to it.

"Oh," I murmured, realizing the depth of the subject.

"I'm not really good with emotions," Rosalie told me without preamble. "I'm beginning to find your skill useful." She smirked at me and I chuckled.

"You haven't really been able to talk to anyone, because you don't know how to." My words made her nod in silence. The depth of Rosalie's thoughts, their anxious and personal tenor, made her unable to say out loud what she needed to say. She felt weak when speaking about emotions.

"I think everyone would be proud," I told her, seriously. "I know that you don't want it out in the open, but you've made so much progress…" Rosalie looked away, and I could tell that she was embarrassed.

"He was a bastard," I told her, agreeing with her mental voice.

She snorted. "That's putting it lightly." We sat a while longer, discussing the thoughts she had been having. Rosalie had slowly come to emotionally understand the possible horrors she could've experienced had she taken up on the offer Vera's husband had made – walking her home. Had she said yes, she would've gotten home, and not soon after married. At first, it would be nice, but then Royce would reveal the monster within, and Rosalie had to think about the horrors of having a child with someone like him.

Her dream of having a child was forcibly removed, even in her mind she was protecting what could never be. What would Royce have done to the child? She knew enough of human monsters to know that Royce would probably not just have beaten her, but perhaps their child as well – if not worse.

The dreams she had had - the idea that if things had been just _slightly_ different - had been overturned. There had never been a happy-ending for Rosalie Hale – no matter what the scenario had been.

Alice had warned me of telling people about the future; in order to get there, they had to live through the choices that got them there - there was no skipping steps. Still, as the future unraveled before me, I knew that Rosalie was becoming whole, and I felt beyond happy.

Alice joined me later on the porch, and we sat, with our arms comfortably around each other, and taking comfort in each other. Our conversations were long, but futuristic, as we played with her gift, and imagined having future conversations – it was an amazing thing to explore. Her gift seemed to strengthen as we explored it, and she was giddy at getting the chance to learn more about herself.

From inside the house, we heard the soft laughter from the family - I felt warmed by the sound, and Alice gently squeezed me, silently telling me she felt the same. While our ordeal had been preferable to avoid, there was no denying that good things came from it.

* * *

Edward and I were sitting in our new favorite tree. The sun was settling and the humans were eating dinner. We sat, listening to the humans and feeling the normalcy around us.

"You know, you can cut _us_ off from others, and you can cut yourself off from others, though borrowing still. This ability you have seems very flexible…" He seemed to be pondering something, but I had still cut him off, so I had no idea what it was. It was slightly strange, but I liked to test my ability and get to know it. I needed to be prepared if we planned to enter the war.

"It does seem flexible. I can do AA and AB, even AC, but I wonder if I can do ABC all at the same time," I explained vaguely. Would I be able to lift my ability to shield my mind from Edward – while still borrowing the others' gifts? It would be a tremendous feat, and it would certainly come in handy. I still had a vague hope that I could lend other an ability I had borrowed, but so far I hadn't had the time to practice. Even more, I could borrow from 40 yards' distance, but if I could increase it – or perhaps permanently borrow – that would be beyond amazing.

"I have no idea what is realistic and what isn't… I mean, have you ever considered if you can turn off your own gift?" I looked towards Edward. I knew he had.

"Of course, but no matter the amount of training I do, nothing ever happens." He shook his head. "Of course, with _that_ attitude, I would never have been able to do what you did – reviving us." He sent me a crooked smile.

"I'm not saying that all you need is time. I am sure there are limits to our gifts, I just don't know how those limits are set, where they actually are, and how we know we reached the limit…" I fell silent for a second. "Alice seemed to get a better grasp when I sparred with her. It seemed that using her own gift against her made her understand it better – perhaps we can do the same…"

"I'd like that!" Hh smiled at me happily. "It took Kate many, many years to create static over her entire body – it used to be just her hands," Edward informed me, and I glanced towards him in surprise. "I mean, do we really know that, with enough time, she won't be able to shoot it from her fingers?" He grinned at the idea.

"If nothing is impossible, who knows where we will end up." I laughed lightly at the idea, but still had a firm mental insistence that I would learn to flex my gift to suit any situation, and I would be able to borrow over great distances.

There was just one problem, of course. The mental drawing, I had of my shield, was just a mental idea – there was no indication that lines spread out from me, or that they were blue or any other color. I literally had no idea what my gift looked like, and no idea of where to start. How would I recognize a dead-end from just needing to push through?

We fell silent and held hands as we played with his gift, hoping to give him a better understanding of it.

* * *

Seeing my videotapes had certainly opened up their eyes to what had happened – to them and me. They all tried to not pity me, and instead focus on getting better. It was tough, and I had periods where I had to let go of Edward's and Jasper's gifts. As the dust settled, their focus became more intense, and by July, I spoke with Garrett, asking him to find Peter and Charlotte, and using Alice's gift to tell him where to go.

"I feel like crap," Rosalie complained, staring at her reflection critically.

"You look great, though," Emmett sneaked up behind her and kissed her. Rosalie laughed lightly and returned the kiss. As they broke apart, Rosalie gently corrected Emmett's small scarf, hiding the obvious neck-wound from when their heads had been torn off.

Each of them had a line around their throat from where their head had been torn off. These wounds were the only ones visible – their arm- or leg-wounds were hidden with clothes. We hoped that they would disappear over time – already they were less visible than they had been.

I fretted lightly for my family, but not visibly. Instead, I calmed, looked relaxed and unworried, and I observed them. I had become a skilled liar and actor – but I had become that while they had been _asleep_.

I looked each of them over for signs of uneasiness, as well as fatigue. I tried to see if they looked _weak_ from their bed-rest, so to speak.

They didn't, though. I grudgingly accepted this, knowing that they would probably not like if I acted too much of a mother-hen. I knew they appreciated my care, but irrational care would be stupid, and I didn't do stupid. I had been so cautious and considerate – driven towards those two things while I cared for them, so acting stupid would be the least thing I planned to do. Besides, Esme was all over them anyway, fretting more than I did.

Still, I knew which buttons to push… "Before they arrive, we can go for a quick hunt, if anyone's interested," I suggested innocently. I looked towards the future and saw we had plenty of time. The idea of hunting made me feel better – knowing that my family was filled with nourishment made me feel better.

It had been my objective for so long.

"I could do with a quick hunt," Emmett agreed, eager to let off some steam. The others eagerly followed suit. Edward sent me a curious smile, and I saw in his mind that he had seen through my 'innocent' suggestion.

My family's thirst was deep, almost just like a newborn. We hunted together, and I spent my time borrowing Jasper's, Alice's, and Edward's gifts to scout ahead and ensure that the hunt went smoothly. Considering how many we were, we had to enter far into the woods – into the hills and mountains. For the sake of my family, I didn't mind if there was a decline in the animal population for just a small period of time.

Our hunt was careful. Despite my family's insistence that they were fine, being dismembered had clearly made them vigilant, and they seemed extra aware of their own mortality. At least until the first blood was smelled.

Due to their circumstances, they had all basically lost their ability to focus – they were like newborn vampires - almost. Only Carlisle seemed to had some kind of focus, but it wasn't much. Having been away from blood for so long, they were deeply affected. Carlisle was certain that they just needed to get used to it again – he doubted it would take long.

Still, seeing each of my family members fight against themselves, fight to be who they used to be, was almost heartbreaking. No one minded the bloodlust, as such, but it was the fact that they felt so different, acted so different, that was uncomfortable.

I doubted we'd attend school for a while – or even join the humans.

* * *

"They're on their way," I said, just before Alice sent me a playful growl.

"You're making me obsolete." She pouted, good-humored. I chuckled and hugged her gently, used to be being careful.

"Sorry," I apologized. She rolled her eyes, and I could tell with Edward's gift that she was kidding me.

"You do realize no one will ever play with you, don't you?" Emmett asked me seriously. From his mind, I saw countless of instances where Emmett had played against his gifted siblings and lost due to their abilities. He felt they cheated.

I chuckled, "I _can_ turn it off," I reminded him. Of course, I wouldn't do that. I was getting such a firm grasp and understanding; I still had a deep-seated need to protect my family, and this was a great way to do just that. They weren't even aware that I looked into their minds, because I didn't respond to their mental questions, and they didn't feel when I checked their emotions, nor did they realize when I scouted for their future.

I knew I was over-protective, and I wanted to be so with as little fuss as possible; I wouldn't make them uncomfortable.

They all appreciated my gift – it took a load off them to be able to share. However, none of them appreciated it as much as Edward did, since I could actually stop his gift. While he felt naked without his gift, I could _cut the link_ to other people, or invert his gift, or whatever it was that actually happened. Either way, it ended up being just Edward in his head, and not other people. He enjoyed the silence – just for a while - and, of course, only in small periods of time. He hated the idea of leaving me alone to protect us.

 _It's so weird that we can talk like this_ , Edward grinned at me.

 _You're not bothered that I can read your mind?_ I was getting better at lifting my shield from me, but I was still fighting the flexibility. I wanted to be able to lift my personal shield, but at the same time, I wanted to be able to borrow gifts. However, when I lifted my shield from my mind, I lifted my gift from my entire person, thus losing control of other gifts. I had to quickly pick it up, in order to hear what Edward said.

The good thing about it was that it taught me to work the gifts fast, but it was still annoyingly un-flexible.

 _I don't mind that it's_ _you_ _._ Edward kissed me lightly.

 _Don't let Emmett hear you say that_ , I laughed lightly, drawing attention to us.

"God, this is going to be annoying, isn't it?" Jasper sighed. "You're going to have such an advantage…" He was already speculating how to combat this advantage in future events.

* * *

It was only due to borrowing Alice's vision that I trusted the future. I kept a very careful eye out to see how Peter, Charlotte, and Garrett would react. I was pleased that they would join us on our small crusade, but I was still careful – the future wasn't set in stone. Still, any vision I had, seemed to point in the same direction.

I had given Garrett our address, and asked him to arrive at night, since it was a human neighborhood and summer. We had also asked that he asked Peter and Charlotte to refrain from feeding in the area, as well as Garrett himself.

"Peter, Charlotte." Jasper greeted them easily, before the rest of the family joined in greeting them. Jasper, who's friends it were, had been eager to see them. They embraced as old friends, and I studied Jasper inconspicuously to see if the tight hug had hurt him.

"Garrett, so nice to see you," I greeted him with a pleased handshake. "Allow me to introduce Carlisle, my father-in-law." I turned to Carlisle, who was next to me.

"Bella has spoken a lot about you," Carlisle greeted.

"Very strange, Isabella has spoken very little of you…" Garrett's voice was polite, but he sent me a confused look, clearly wondering what I was hiding. I read his mind, but didn't respond to his mental questions.

"It will all be explained in a moment," I assured him, and pulled him further inside the house. He seemed a little wary at the assembly, but I calmed his worries.

"Allow me to introduce Edward, my mate," I said, as I introduced Edward. Garrett seemed more curious than anything, but then again, he had no reason to be afraid.

"Now, what is it that's going on? We haven't heard from you in years – you all up and vanished. We have checked your houses in the States and Alaska…" Peter glanced towards Jasper, who looked a little uncomfortable.

"And what's up with the weird scarves?" Garrett wondered, staring at the small scarf Kate wore, which was identical to the rest of the family's – except for me, since I hadn't needed to wear one.

"It will take a little explaining, and we hope you will listen," Carlisle explained. Esme squeezed his hand and they looked towards me.

 _Do you want to…?_ Carlisle wondered and I, unbeknownst to our guests, shook my head minutely. I preferred to observe – this way I could keep an eye on the future, their emotions, as well as their minds. I would have to speak at some point, but for now, I would let Carlisle explain.

I felt the anticipation. Despite the terrible story, it was certainly fascinating, and the family was looking forward for our guests' reactions.

"To be honest, I have considered how to explain for some time, now. I still haven't found the right way to explain," Carlisle admitted, as we all took our seats. "I once lived at Volterra; I thought Aro and I were great friends. However, I've come to realize that I was wrong. My preferred diet made me different, and it angered Aro that I refused to act like a _normal_ vampire. He made me think we were friends, but apparently we weren't…" His words were spoken with painful regret, and Esme squeezed his hand again. "Aro apparently saw me as a threat. Not in the sense that I could overthrow him, but rather in the sense that I threatened his personal beliefs and feelings…"

I could hear from our visitor's minds that they had many questions. Mentioning the Volturi had made them very curious. I could tell that Garrett was wary, since he didn't know anyone but me, while Peter and Charlotte seemed interested. They all wondered if we had anything to do with the Volturi disappearing.

"3 years and almost 8 months ago the Volturi came to us. Aro, realizing that Edward was dating a human girl, had decided to get rid of my family and used this as an excuse."

"So you _were_ involved!" Peter replied, shocked.

"How?" Charlotte wondered with slight awe.

"We have Bella with us, who has an amazing power," Carlisle revealed, gesturing towards me. All eyes swirled towards me. I could see that Garrett was wondering what I could do – I had always seemed so calm. He was very curious about me having been human.

"I can borrow gifts," I explained. Peter snorted in disbelief, though in his mind I saw that it wasn't disbelief regarding what I said, but about the situation. Garrett seemed confused.

"I see," Charlotte said. I could tell she was wondering about what had happened.

"And…?" Garrett said, hoping for more details. He knew the least about the Volturi.

"The Volturi guards are highly gifted," Peter explained, glancing at me calculatingly.

"Exactly." Carlisle nodded. "Aro, it turned out, had gathered gifts – whenever he wanted a gift, he would find a reason to destroy the coven, and offer redemption to one lucky vampire – who tended to be the vampire whose gift he coveted…"

"Is this just speculation?" Charlotte wondered, though not unkindly. Her thoughts were wondering if I had borrowed Aro's gift.

"No," I said. "I borrowed Aro's gift – unintentionally, I might add – and then I touched him," I admitted, clearly uncomfortable. I dearly wished I could let her borrow Edward's gift, so that she could see _my_ mind.

"So, you borrowed the guards' gift, and then you killed the Volturi?" Garrett summarized, questioning.

"Not exactly," Esme revealed.

"Did Alice not see?" Charlotte wondered, curious.

"Alice can see the future," I explained to Garrett, whose eyebrow rose.

"Aro had planned this for a while, and he knew about our family and our gifts. He knew about Alice, and while he wanted her to join him, he knew it was unlikely. He knew he would have to work to ensure she didn't realize his plans…" Carlisle explained.

"But clearly they failed," Garrett pointed out.

"They didn't…" Rose spoke up. She gently removed her scarf, revealing a reddish line around her neck. The other's followed suit.

"We hoped we could talk about it – but Aro had already decided…" Carmen explained.

"Impossible!" They stared at the scars around the necks of everyone in utter shock.

"That cannot be…" Charlotte whispered, her eyes widened and staring at each member of the family.

"Their heads were torn off, and some of their limbs," I explained. "I was a newborn, so I had been in the house, since I wasn't good with control," I revealed. "When they were torn apart, I went berserk, and my gift revealed itself…" I trailed off for a second. "I borrowed their gifts, and I used Alex's to keep them under control, and then I killed them all…"

All three vampires were staring at me in shock, before they instinctively moved a bit away.

"I'm sorry," Charlotte admitted, realizing how she had behaved. I held up a hand.

"Please, don't be," I told her, smiling. I sent a smile to Garrett, who seemed to be more fascinated than worried. In his mind, I saw that he was wondering if we planned to take over Volterra. He didn't want to be a part of that crusade.

"How could you survive that?" Peter begged.

"Bella took care of us," Carlisle replied, simply.

"It took over 3 years for them to wake up. 3 years where I gathered venom and healed them…" I then quickly explained about the journey of healing them. Garrett had been especially interested in hearing about what I had done when I met him, and my family had been amused to find out that I had actually worn a burka, which was something I hadn't mentioned before.

The disbelief was evident, but it was more due to shock, than not believing me. Peter and Charlotte were horrified to realize that they had been the catalyst of it all; due to their accidental reveal, Aro had decided that now was the time. Jasper eased their worries and conscience by saying that Aro was looking for an excuse, and that none of us blamed them.

After this, we took a small pause to gather ourselves. Peter and Charlotte had many questions for me, but Garrett seemed to gravitate towards Kate, asking her questions regarding her time being dead, and whether she remembered anything. His honest curiosity seemed to disarm her, and she explained her view of things, and her feelings.

As she spoke, I felt Garrett's outrage at the injustice, and his protectiveness. I shared a look with Alice, who winked at me. I chuckled as the future unwound before my eyes.

"So can you borrow everyone's gifts?" Charlotte wondered, curious. I left the visions of Garret and Kate behind me, and smiled at Charlotte.

"So far, yes," I revealed. "I can read your minds, see your future, and read your emotions," I said. "While subtle, Eleazar's gift allows me to know that you don't have abilities," I added. "Though, I would know that without his gift, since I can sense it too when I want to borrow…" I explained how my gift worked, and they seemed genuinely curious and fascinated.

"I thought at first she was a shield," Eleazar contributed. "From what she said, she can stop others' gifts from touching her, but that's due to her unique borrowing…"

"And this is how you plan to take over Volterra?" Peter wondered, curious. All conversations stopped.

"We don't want to take over Volterra," Esme assured our guests. "We don't want to rule. We do, however, want to keep our existence secret. We asked you here to fight with us to keep our lives a secret, not to take over the throne."

"And how will you do that?" Garrett asked, glancing towards me. Ideas swirled in his mind, but nothing came near what the we had considered.

"We've talked, and we've decided to suggest self-governing territories," Carlisle revealed. We had come to an agreement, and we feared that power would make vampires mad over time. Hopefully, this would be a better way. No one in the family had any interest in ruling. Rosalie had briefly considered the idea at playing princess, but the idea seemed far more interesting than the real thing.

It's not to say we hadn't considered it. I felt guilty for putting the vampire world in this situation, and considering my gift, we would actually have a real shot at getting the throne. Still, none of us found the job fascinating, and each of us had dreams and ideas we wanted to explore.

"Self-governing territories?" Charlotte reiterated, uncertain.

"Yes," Carmen said. "We don't believe that we should have a specific ruling entity – the past has shown us it was a bad idea. We're suggesting that vampires who stays put, should govern the territory they are in, and if there's trouble, they should be able to call for help from nomads and other territories," Esme explained.

"It should be in everyone's interest to protect the secret," Eleazar said, while Tanya nodded in absolute agreement.

"You say put," Peter said. "You'd take care of the states?"

"The states are very big, but we are at least two families – us and the Denali. Between us, picking up unusual activity in the human news would allow us to know what goes on…" Carlisle explained. "Nomads should also be able to contact any fixed vampires with information – we're thinking of trying to become more advanced…" This certainly fascinated Garrett.

"I have a phone, and it can go online!" Garrett sounded very proud, and I chuckled, though the rest of the family didn't get it.

"If Maria can be persuaded to act more carefully, she can have Mexico," Jasper said. I could hear the doubt in Peter's mind, and Jasper could feel it. "I doubt it, too, my friend…"

"You know we will have to kill her, then," Peter said. As they spoke, I explained to Garrett what went on.

"If we have to, we will," Jasper said, certain.

"I will have no trouble helping," Charlotte said with a slight hiss.

"No love lost there," Emmett chuckled.

"There's the Irish coven – they can take Ireland and the United Kingdom," Carlisle said.

"And if they don't want to?" Charlotte wondered.

"It's merely a suggestion. I think we're all in agreement that keeping the secret is important – it seems only few covens don't believe this, among them is Maria. The rest, however, wants to be left alone, and it's a small price to pay…" Carlisle said.

Peter shook his head, uncertain. "Will you tell about what happened to the Volturi?"

"No, it shouldn't be necessary, and we hope you will keep it to yourselves..."

"Of course!" Charlotte promised. I saw the future of their promise, and knew that they spoke the truth. I didn't know, however, if we would ever manage to keep it as a secret.

"The people who aren't nomads are usually living in the same place for a while – this means that they will lose their territory if a nomad goes berserk. It would be in their interest to keep the peace, and if they know we can band together, then I think they all will be more inclined…" Carlisle explained.

"I honestly thought you wanted to rule," Garrett commented.

"None of us wants to rule – we all have our own dreams and ideas," I explained. "Carlisle loves working with humans – we're all a part of the human society and want to continue to be so…"

"How do we do this, then?" Peter looked around us all, very curious. "And what happens if no one else wants to go for self-governing? We're used to a permanent government, after all..." Peter raised a good arguement, and while I would love to say that I knew what the future held, there were simply too many decisions that had yet to be made. Nothing was certain, not at this point.

* * *

 **Self-governing territories. I know a lot of you had expected the Cullens to take over - but none of them want that. No one in the family ever craved power, and they're too comfortable in working with humans and spreading goodwill.**

 **While I know some might be disappointed by this, I really feel that this is the best way for the Cullens to go - more true to their canon nature. Of course, they still have to try to stop a war, and they still have to gather all the vampires, and have their suggestion chosen. Hopefully, the other vampires will agree, and if they don't... Weeeeeeell ;)**


	39. Allies

I am **still** looking for a BETA to go through the story. You can choose a single chapter or all of it if you're interested

* * *

 **Chapter 39 – Allies**

I would have liked to have more time to prepare – both physically and mentally. I had hoped that we could all spar with Jasper and get good, but we didn't have time to move, so the only sparring was in the woods, and only for a few hours. I didn't feel confident in my fighting, I felt like I wanted to use Edward's and Alice's gift to predict Jasper's moves, but I had to learn to fight, and not be dependent on others' abilities. I worried for my own and my family's safety.

A large battle was underway – Maria was getting antsy and insisting, and the Romanians weren't backing down either. We were out of time.

Alice and I did our best to track down as many vampires as possible. I had great help from Aro's memories, who had met exceedingly many vampires, and if he hadn't met him, he knew of them. I found that seeing the hybrids was almost impossible, and when I spoke with Alice about, she found the perfect solution.

"If we can't see the hybrids visually, we should be able to see them by the blank spot they produce – I think the same goes for the wolves in La Push," Alice said, contemplating.

"Do you think we should mention this to the wolves?" I wondered, curious.

"Perhaps now isn't the time – it's not in their jurisdiction anyway…" Alice tapped her lip, thinking about the wolves.

"Perhaps one of the things we should mention at the meeting would be other supernatural species," Carlisle said as he joined us. "Caius hunted the real werewolves to extinction, but there are also the shifters from La Push, hybrids, and who knows what else. Being more inclusive would be a great way to start this new chapter…" I saw Carlisle's dreams spread out in his mind – it was amazing, and just a tad unrealistic. He smiled at me, amused. "Where would we be without dreams?" He wondered, clearly sensing my thoughts. I think I admired Carlisle just a bit more, if that was possible.

As Alice and I continued to scour the world for vampires, Irina came to us, uncertain. I knew she had been uncomfortable for a while and had wanted to talk, so by the time she finally got around to it, I was prepared.

"Alice, Bella," Irina greeted us. She leaned against the wall and slid down, taking a seat on the floor. We didn't have much furniture, after all, and Alice and I were in a deserted bedroom watching the future.

"Hello, Irina," I greeted, turning my attention from the visions and onto Irina. She was sat still, clearly uncertain.

"I feel so stupid," Irina finally revealed, sighing.

"You're not," I assured her, giving her a careful smile. Alice was by my side, watching the conversation before it happened, and scouting ahead. It was a tad bit surrealistic.

"I don't even know if he loved me… I know we're not mates, but I need to know why… To understand…" She trailed off, and I gently squeezed her hand. My eyes glazed over as I searched for Laurent, though Alice was already one it as well. I was getting better at parallel visions, as I now saw what Alice saw as well. I knew Irina had been devastated by Laurent's betrayal, and I knew, especially now more than ever, that she needed to understand.

Visions of Laurent entering a bar came to me. He seemed to be looking for a meal. I continued my search in order to pinpoint his location, and I found Dallas car-plates on the cars.

"He's in the States," I told her. "He's in Dallas," I added. Alice's vision shifted momentarily to a gruesome scene as he hurt the woman before he ate her, and then she hurried onwards, seeing better things.

"Do you think he thinks about what he did?" She asked, staring into the blank wall ahead of us. "He never contacted you?"

"No, he didn't contact me – I lived in Denali for a while, but I never saw him. Of course, after that I tried to become untraceable…" I trailed off. "I don't know if he ever thinks about you. To be honest? Perhaps once in a while, perhaps. People like him, though, are nomads through and through…" I trailed off, staring at her and sampling her mood. I gently made her feel calm. "I will help you if you need it – we all will…" I assured her.

"I just want to kill him," Irina muttered, feeling wretched.

"I'll help you," Alice added from the sideline, making Irina smile.

"Considering what you've been through, I think it is okay to feel the need to stand up for yourself. What he did was cruel and intentional… I know a lot of vampires will die soon, and I know we should take care of the ones we have. I cannot ignore the fact that unless we're kind to each other, and treat each other right, we won't get very far… Perhaps we can get him to talk, to tell the truth… We'll see," I trailed off, wishing that vampires could be held accountable. What Laurent had done was cruel, no doubt about it, but did that warrant a death sentence? Surely not.

As Irina left, we both considered the same person, but different situations.

* * *

Alice and I tracked down as many vampires as possible, and then we would send the family out to spread the word. We hoped that within two weeks, all vampires could meet in the mountains near Volterra – and we could discuss the situations there may be.

Jasper had never tried to calm as many as we were now, and worried that even with the two of us, we might not be able to keep down a fight, if some really wanted one. We also spoke about my ability. While borrowing was great, I had no idea how many gifts I could borrow, or if I could even control a lot at the same time. Using Jasper's, Edward's, and Alice's gifts was easier – because I knew them, and had time to practice. I hoped dearly there would be vampires who had better gifts to control the masses.

There was no denying that I looked horrible at the mere thought of letting the family spread out. It almost physically hurt me, and Edward and I had to take a few minutes away from the others to calm me. I knew that I would need to get used to it.

"My entire existence has been to take care of you – it hurts…" I whispered, trying to breathe, despite it not even being necessary. I felt like I was having a panic attack. I tried to be strong, but I was so scared. What if they were hurt and someone burned them? He held me tightly, and I felt the love he had for me, encompassing me and healing me.

"Bella?" Esme was by our side a second later. She hugged me tightly, and I tried to avoid the strangled sob that threatened to escape – I failed. "We've talked, and we decided that you, Edward, Jasper and Alice should travel together. You need to be able to borrow Alice's gift," Esme told me. I felt the relief instantly, and my shoulders sagged.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I knew it wasn't necessary, far from it, but right now, I felt that my emotional state was hindering the cause.

"Don't be, darling. You're not the only one who needs the family – it tears in all of us to leave, but we know it's worse for you. And if it makes you feel any better, we _do_ need you near Alice and Jasper and Edward. Those are three amazing abilities you can borrow, and we certainly need extra eyes now that we're setting this in motion. Alice was very eager to share the job with you…" She sent me a loving smile, and I felt better. I knew her words were true, both regarding the extra abilities I could provide, but also about the entire family not liking splitting up. We were all anxious, and we all needed each other.

Our departure was painful, not just for me. The bonds we'd created from going through this ordeal made it almost impossible to leave.

"It would be great if Bella and Alice could text us all and let us know everything is well with everyone." Tanya's voice was subdued, almost unwilling to admit how desperate she was. Still, she spoke what everyone was thinking.

"I agree," Kate said. "You two will know how everyone is through Alice's gift, so texting us all, perhaps a few times a day, to let us know how everyone are and what's ahead, would be nice…" There was a murmur of agreement. We hugged one last time, and then we spread out.

Alice, Jasper, Edward and I ran towards the Amazon. Edward and Jasper steered us, while Alice and I scouted ahead for different things. Alice scouted for vampires, and their whereabouts, in case they moved, and I scouted to ensure the family was safe – to see if they ran into any trouble.

Once ever 3rd hour, or close to that, we sent out a bulk text, informing about the present state of everyone, as well as the future. This lulled my sense of paranoia, and I felt much more in control. Through visions, I knew the family felt calmed as well.

"Tanya and Irina are the first to meet someone," Alice spoke, as we ran across Canada. "They're meeting the mated pair Elizabeth and James…" I saw in their minds another James flash before their eyes at the name. This had been the vampire, who had been the reason Alice was turned. I saw how they killed him, and I recalled that, as a human, I had been pleased that Alice had gotten her revenge. We shared a glance and Alice sent me a radiant smile, and we all chuckled in reply.

* * *

We reached the border of the United States, and Edward squeezed my hand in comfort. We were close to Forks, and I wanted so much to see Charlie. I forced myself to be strong and focus on what was ahead of us. Perhaps, once this was over, I could see Charlie – from afar. I could ensure that he was well… I had deliberately avoided checking in on him with Alice's gift, as I had been afraid of what it would do to me. Soon, however, I would have the time and room to do so, and I could make sure he would be well.

We marched on, and halfway through Montana, we sent another text.

"Tanya and Irina's meeting went well with Elizabeth and James," Alice told us all. "While they don't like the idea of fighting, the like the idea of self-governing territories. They're moving towards Las Vegas and Los Angeles, where they know some nomads. They will try to persuade them to come, too…" As she spoke, I saw the how we all spread out. It was unlikely that we would reach every vampire, but if everyone contacted someone they knew, we'd end up being a large gathering in Italy. "Carlisle and Esme are meeting Matthew in an hour – he's in Minnesota…"

Considering ours gifts, and the fact that I could borrow, my group tackled vampires from Texas to Mexico.

"Maria won't be there," Jasper said, certain.

"You're right, she's in Europe, making more newborns," Alice said, seeing the future. "Oh fuck," Alice hissed. I saw what she saw, and both Edward and I let out a hiss.

"She's turning newborns at an alarming rate. She's takings out several Romani camps," Edward said out loud, as I texted the information for everyone to know.

"Romani _camps_?" I wondered, curious and feeling somewhat ignorant.

"Romani isn't the term for the Romanian people, but rather a term for a gypsy-type of people, that are spread out across the world. They have a very different attitude about life, and different superstitions. She's turning them because she hopes they will prove more gifted than 'regular people'. Considering she continues with this practice, perhaps she _is_ getting more gifted vampires…" Alice said, trying to see the future. The newborns were too uncertain, so it was difficult to see anything – but Maria did seem pleased.

"Gifted vampires are good for you," Jasper chuckled, pleased. I nodded.

"She's a priority. Alice, can we all meet up in Romania in 4 days?" Edward wondered, serious.

I scouted ahead instead. "5 days," I told him.

"I'll make reservations for everyone," Alice said, instantly grasping her phone. "Forget that, I am renting a plane. Carlisle can pilot, and so can Jasper…"

"Really?" I wondered, surprised. From Jasper's mind, I saw he had once taken lessons. "Er… That's a while ago," I pointed out, uncertain.

"We never forget," Jasper reminded me, easing just some of my worries. Still, I anxiously scouted ahead. Of course, if the plane crashed we'd be fine, but I preferred not to crash. It looked like it would be fine if we rented a plane instead.

"Rosalie and Emmett are already headed to Europe, so are Eleazar and Carmen – the rest of us will have to meet up…" Alice told out loud, as Edward texted the information.

"We have to hurry, then," I said, and pressed on. "We need to go to Brazil as well, after all…"

* * *

There were quite a few nomads in Texas, and I tried to stretch my gift as much as possible, so that we could cover more ground. I managed around 1.1 mile from Alice and Jasper, and then the gifts I had borrowed from them flickered. I stayed within that radius, pressing on and trying to stretch, but without further luck.

"We're close," Edward said. The tenor of a nomad's voice reached me. He knew we were following him, but he wasn't anxious. I, however, was excited. Beyond excited, actually. From his mental voice, I realized that he felt confident in his ability to shield himself. This was beyond perfect – just what I had been looking for. A physical shield.

"We mean you no harm," Edward's voice travelled in the dark. "Please, we're here because a large gathering of vampires is occurring, and we need your presence…"

"And who are you?" The nomad stepped forward, anxious. I knew from his mental voice that it was for show.

"We're Edward and Bella Cullen, we live in Alaska, and in Washington State. We're here because the Volturi are dead, and others are making a bid for the throne, people who want us out in the open…" Edward explained. I could see that the nomad knew we spoke about Maria. He didn't seem too concerned about being out in the open, but he did seem worried about Maria.

"Your eyes are funny," the nomad said, pondering our eyes. I felt antsy – Alice and Jasper were out of range from my ability, but Edward had a large range on his, so he could still hear him. Unfortunately, I wasn't practiced well enough in his gift to have a large range as him, so I had to listen in on Edward, to hear Alice and Jasper. It felt chaotic.

"We drink blood from animals. We have a permanent residence, and try to blend in with the humans," Edward explained. I kept silent, listening to the nomad's thoughts. He seemed curious about our way of life. Most vampires were curious, not really understanding why anyone would bother. Not curious enough to try it themselves, though.

"And you're gathering all vampires?" The nomad asked, getting us back on track.

"Yes, we want to keep the secret of our world – anyone with the barest contact with the human world will know that times have changed, and exposing us will be catastrophic. We're also suggesting self-governing territories, which means that the vampires having permanent residence will ensure that the peace is kept in that territory, and if need be, they should be able to call on other vampires if there's a threat. We're hoping to bring the vampire world into the 21st century…" Edward explained, easily.

"So _you're_ going to have power?" The nomad said, ignoring Edward's explanation.

"We all are," I said, impatiently. "Those with permanent territories will merely be better equipped at observing irregularities, but they should be able contact other covens and nomads to help deal with threats. The definition of a threat is something we're hoping to establish when we all meet in the mountains north of Volterra on the 10th of September," I said.

"Please come, we need everyone to partake. Our world is at risk, and we can no longer sit back. We have to find a better way to do things," I asked, almost begging. I wanted him to come because of his ability – it would certainly help us. Of course, he should come even if he didn't have an ability - this would just make it easier if someone acted out.

"If you know someone else, please let them know as well – we need as many vampires as possible to gather – this concerns us all," Edward added.

"I'll come," the nomad said, quietly. The nomad left, and a moment later Alice and Jasper came within my 1.1-mile range. I quickly skimmed the nomad's future, and knew I'd be seeing him soon enough. He knew of one other nomad, who he was considering locating.

"Do you think it was rude not to ask about his name? I felt like we just popped into his life and demanded he come," I said, contemplating. Edward chuckled, and in his mind, I saw that vampires, especially nomads, were generally very abrupt.

It was really weird meeting with Alice and Jasper. Normally, I would ask out loud if things went well, but I could see in their minds it had, and so could Edward. Jasper could read our pleased emotions, and had been filled in on things by Alice, so we all knew everything, without actually talking.

I knew Emmett was going to hate us, and I chuckled to myself at the thought.

* * *

By day 3, we had made amazing progress. Word of mouth did most of the job, and while we did have a few who didn't want to join, most seemed, by far, to be ready to come, since they were all too aware of what was at stake. Carlisle and Esme had located a few covens who kept a permanent residence, though they did not share the same diet as us, and they didn't enter the human world except to feed. However, they were the first to agree that those with permanent residence were better equipped at keeping an eye on things.

Meanwhile, Alice, Jasper, Edward and I had entered Mexico. The country was utter chaos, having their people killed by corrupt government, drug cartels, and vampires using the two first as an excuse to gorge themselves.

It was clear that Maria had done a sloppy job. She created vampires, and while she mostly killed them again after a year, some she let live, just to see what would happen. Without the Volturi, Maria was very aware that either she got the throne, or she was killed, so creating havoc suited her perfectly.

We found six vampires on the loose close to us, all only a few years old. Alice was already scouting ahead, seeing if the vampire world had been compromised, and checking if Jasper could work his computer magic to remove any evidence.

I didn't like what I saw through our visions. Four vampires would have to die – not willing to compromise with their way of life. They wanted to gorge, and they pretty much didn't care who saw them, as they would just eat them as well. This meant, however, that their lack of care could meant that they would be picked up by cameras, or other witnesses, and Alice saw that Jasper had to get a hold of a computer, so that he could hack into the systems and do his best to do damage control.

On our fourth day, we tracked down the four nomads who posed a threat, and disposed of them. It was obvious that without our intervention, the government would eventually notice. We were lucky that the country was chaotic, otherwise someone would've noticed sooner. As it was, only a handful had realized something went on, but Jasper did his best to erase evidence, which left the witnesses with nothing but their memories.

The two other nomads were of a more anxious nature. Due to Maria, they kept low on the radar, their survival instinct trumping their feeding instinct.

They travelled together, and one of them had a very strange gift.

"What is that stench?" Jasper growled, disgusted. We were assaulted by the putrid stench, and Edward was quick to realize that one of the nomads had a very strange gift.

"Can you- can you turn it off?" Edward asked. Not breathing did nothing to the stench, and I realized that it was mental. I saw a vision of turning it off myself, but borrowing his power made them even more anxious and scared, so I knew I would have to let him think he had the power.

"Who are you?" The man who spoke was in his twenties. His accident, though Mexican, was light, and closer to American. He stood in front of a young girl protectively. It was clear she was young, perhaps no more than 12 years old. It was strange to see how innocent she looked, because Jane, who had been 12 as well, had looked like a killer - a psychopathic witch.

"My name is Alice," Alice greeted. Her lithe voice was soothing, while Jasper gently calmed them. As Alice spoke, the stench dissipated. Alice continued talking, explaining our mission and our idea, and that we planned to change the way the vampire world was ruled.

As she spoke, I listened to the tenor of their mental voices – the anxiety and the doubt. The girl seemed anxious, scared. She was just a child, doomed to stay one forever. Unfortunately for her, she was old enough to know that she would be a child forever. From her mind, she didn't seem to mind – but then again, she was only a two-year-old vampire. I wondered why Maria had let her live – she had no gifts, and she was clearly aware enough to not go berserk like a real immortal child.

"Will Maria be at the meeting?" The nomad asked. His voice was neutral, but his emotions and the sense of his voice betrayed the hatred he held for her.

"No. Maria is in Romania, creating havoc and changing entire Romani camps," Jasper revealed, coolly. "She threatens our existence, and we will have to stop her…"

"How?" The girl spoke for the first time. Her light, tinkling voice drew me in, and I felt I wanted to protect her. She looked so shy and innocent. From the minds of my family, I could tell they felt the same way. I had heard that this was the lure of immortal children – they were cute. Well, they _could_ be. I doubted anyone would've found Jane cute.

"We're working with some powerful vampires," Alice responded carefully, while monitoring the future. I saw their resolve as well.

"I am going there, then," the man insisted. The girl tightened her grip on him, and I felt her resolve. I saw there would be nothing we could do to persuade them, and I shared a look like Edward, Jasper and Alice.

Alice finally spoke. "We will have to go fast. Do you know of any other vampires? We're hoping to spread the message through word of mouth…"

"I only know of four others," the male said. We had already disposed of them.

"We've talked to them already," Alice responded, easily. "By the way, my name is Alice. This is my mate, Jasper, and my brother and sister: Edward and Bella, who are mates as well…"

"Brother and sister?" The girl wondered, curious.

"We live among humans," Jasper explained kindly. "Go to school, that sort of thing. Our coven is more of a family…"

"My name is Matt, and this is Cecilia," Matt quickly introduced.

"We have a final stop before going to Romania," Edward revealed. "There are vampires in the Amazon we need to contact…"

" _You_ are going to stop Maria?" Matt's disbelief was obvious. He wondered how we would achieve this – perhaps more were waiting for us. We didn't go into details.

As we started running, Cecilia considered what we'd told them, and I saw how she compared us to herself and her companion. She clearly admired her companion, and felt beyond lucky that she had him. Yet, while he very much saw her as his charge, a form of daughter, I realized that Cecilia had a tiny crush on Matt.

Slowly, as we ran, I came to a horrible realization. It was only because I could borrow Edward and Jasper's gifts at the same time that I made the connection. The pair we had with us would have been mates. If Cecilia had been able to grow up, they would have mated. Now, Matt was forced to forever see her as his charge, someone he had to protect, and he would not be able to fall in love with anyone, because he had technically already mated. Cecilia would see Matt as her protector, someone she had a crush on. It would never evolve, as her body and mind hadn't been ready or capable of anything more intense, so she would forever linger on the edge of love, but never capable of achieving it, or carrying it out.

I had no idea something like this existed, but Alice's ability assured me that they would be together always, loving each other intensely, yet platonically and not really like father and daughter. Of course, it would be no problem if they liked it like this, and Matt didn't seem to have any problems, as his body and mind was fully developed, but as a 12 year old, Cecilia would soon become aware that she would never grow up – she would be a pre-teen forever, and she would know it.

She didn't just lose her human life, she lost her vampire life as well, and she would live to know that she could never gain what she needed or really wanted. The crush she had would be forever a crush, and though she longed for more, it would never be achievable.

I hoped I was wrong, but their mental voices were too focused on the wellbeing of the other person, and their emotions were as intense as the mated pairs I had met. Matt was beyond protective of Cecilia, and she would do anything to avoid losing him.

I hoped that Cecilia would stay oblivious, that this would not affect her – though I doubted it. Forever a pre-teen, forever close, but not close enough… I mentally shuddered.

* * *

Matt and Cecilia had many questions as we tore through the Mexican country. Jasper and Edward explained as little as they could, not wanting to put everything out in the open. Our secrets were ours, after all.

It was obvious that we had some kind of foresight, though, as Alice and I changed our course once in a while, hoping to track down other vampires. Throughout the country, we found additionally 7 vampires, one mated couple, 3 who ran together for the convenience, and two who were nomads. We told them our plan, and hoped that they would meet with us. The three travelling together seemed very interested, and in their minds, I saw that they hoped to claim Mexico as their permanent territory.

Upon realizing that we planned to track down Maria, the three nomads decided to come with us, while the rest considered our idea. They didn't have any powers, but living in Maria's country, I assumed that they had to be good at fighting.

"So, taking down Maria." The nomad, David, had a thick, Mexican accident. The idea of taking down Maria sounded very appealing to him, and he smirked at his companions.

"Were you changed by her as well?" Matt wondered, curious. He had a firm grip on Cecilia, who the two other men eyed curiously.

"Ahh," said the nomad called Jorge. He had been eying Cecilia. "I take it that bitch changed you, little one?" His accent was just as thick as David's. Cecilia nodded, shyly, but didn't say anything out loud – clearly embarrassed.

"Bitch changed a lot of people – but not us. We know of her, and tried to steer clear of us. She was mad," Arturo added, grimly. We ran onwards in silence – Alice and I continued to scout, and the nomads considered us like Matt and Cecilia had. They didn't ask any questions, but they, too, concluded that we seemed to be able and confident in taking care of Maria.

Alice scouted for Maria constantly. While most of the outcomes seemed to be in our favor, Alice had trouble seeing the actual fight – it was clearly the work of a talented vampire.

"This time we're warning ourselves," I insisted, fearfully. "Write a sign," I demanded. I had already decided to do this, and this time Alice, Edward, and I gasped at what we saw.

"Impossible," Edward whispered.

"What?" Jasper demanded, protectively

"There's a vampire who can do what Bella can do, except she steals the vampire's power and gives it to Maria. Maria is gathering an army, but also taking their gifts. We have to move as fast as possible – before she learns to control them!"

We sped up. Once more, I found myself anxious.

"Don't worry, Bella. You can neutralize Maria by cutting her off – perhaps you can borrow her abilities. We'll take care of the newborns…" Edward assured me.

"And what of the vampire who can do what I can? What if they touch you?"

"Sounds like we have to go," David said, self-satisfied.

"Why?" Cecilia wondered.

"We don't have any powers. We can get close without losing anything," Arturo explained, easily.

"I need to go…" Matt seemed certain, but in his mind I saw his anxiety. The conclusion of the fight seemed to be in our favor in most our visions, though in some visions the people travelling with us died as well. I saw Cecilia was a serious liability – Matt was too focused on her. I doubted they would be necessary in the fight, especially since Alice, Jasper, Edward and I were so well-covered.

"Perhaps you should stay on the side-line, Matt. Keep Cecilia safe. Your ability could be useful for Maria…" Alice gently prodded. There was no doubt that he wanted to keep Cecilia safe, but…

"I've made a promise…" Matt glanced at Cecilia, who looked determined.

"It's a promise we will have to carry out for you – at least if you want to come out of this alive…" I added, trying not to sounds as cold as my words. Edward squeezed my hand.

"Then we will die fighting," Cecilia insisted. I didn't respond, opting to go through their minds. I felt frustrated with their decision, but I could tell that their hatred to Maria was beyond comprehension. She had wronged them deeply, and as they considered Maria, I saw what had happened. Maria hadn't let them go – Matt, with his power, had managed to escape. Through him, I saw that he had been changed along with his fiancé, who had been murdered by Maria when she found out that she didn't have an ability. Maria was building a gifted army to take over Volterra.

Cecilia had been an accidental creation. Cecilia's mother had been turned against her will – in her dazed, newborn mind, she had wanted to see her daughter, but ended up attacking her out of hunger. Her love for her child forced her to stop, but by then it was too late – Cecilia was changing. Her mother was punished instantly by death, and Cecilia had been supposed to follow, had she not bonded with Matt. Upon seeing her, he had wanted to protect her, and so he used his ability to fend off attackers and keep Cecilia safe – they had been together ever since.

While I could almost admire the nobility in fighting against the one who had hurt them so much, I knew that they could not survive, and in fighting, the rest of us would be forced to take care of them, thus jeopardizing ourselves and the other. If they were lucky enough to not get burned, we would have to take their limbs with us – it seemed like a hassle, and the desire to save vampires only extended to my family. Of course, if all vampires at Volterra could join in, it would be faster.

We should probably explain things to them – I would hate to revive them if they hadn't wanted to be revived - their lives were gently tinted with frustration and despair.

We told our three new companions of our plan to go through the Amazonian jungle. They didn't care much, but agreed to help, as they wanted to get to Maria as fast as possible. Jasper let them borrow his phone, and Alice and I told them which directions to take.

Meanwhile, the rest of us continued into Brazil, looking for blind spots. Once you knew what to look for, it seemed surprisingly easy: you had to look for what you couldn't see, Alice took the job of imaging going to various places, and see if she could see herself there.

Meanwhile, I kept an eye on the family, and ensured that they were up to date with everyone and everything. Carlisle and Esme got a plane ready, and we planned pick-up points in various locations. Renting our own plane become a much better idea now that we had several nomads with us, and we knew more would join us, since the rest of the family had picked up vampires along the way as well.

"I got them," Alice said. "I also saw a smaller coven – Edward, you've met them before; we will pick them up along the way." Meanwhile, Edward texted David about the plan, and explaining the pick-up point.

In the Amazon jungle, we met Zafrina, Kachiri, and Senna, 3 vampires who had met Carlisle, Edward, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett in the 40s.

"Edward?" Senna greeted, curious.

"Senna," Edward smiled happily at her. "Zafrina, Kachiri." He nodded to both of them. "Allow me to introduce my mate, Bella, and my siblings: Alice and Jasper. They joined us not soon after we met you," he explained. The three woman nodded, curious.

"What brings you here? Is Carlisle and Esme well?" Kachiri wondered. Once more, Edward launched into an explanation of everything that had happened, though this time going into more details, as these were people he knew. All three had no idea that the Volturi were gone, as they preferred to be alone, but they were quick to join us on our mission – they, too, preferred that the human world stayed oblivious to the vampire world.

Cecilia was a sweet girl, and she instantly ensnared the three females. As we ran, Cecilia laughed her soft, bell-like laugh as Zafrina created illusionary butterflies, birds, and other funny creations. It was amusing to watch, and I felt greedy at the mere thought of trying her gift myself.

I felt bad for borrowing without asking, though. "Zafrina, I can borrow gifts. May I borrow yours? You won't be affected and can continue to use it," I explained, and then I added: "Well, perhaps it's more like I can temporarily copy gifts…"

I tried to play with her gift – making butterfly illusions for Edward. The gift was exciting to use, and I tried to use it as a mask as we neared the hybrid coven.

We neared the area stealthily, but when I heard the furious beating of a heart, my excitement took over, and I flailed with Zafrina's ability, giving us away.

"We're not here to harm you," I spoke, instantly.

"You will learn it soon enough," Zafrina smiled patiently at me.

"Who are you?" The voice belonged to the male, and I wondered if he was the hybrid. Alice had already located them with her vision, since it was a blank spot, but we stayed where we were as to not frighten them.

Once more, we explained our purpose, and we told them about the Volturi. I knew they would be very interested in knowing Aro was dead – he had murdered Joham, the creater of hybrids, as well as the female hybrids he had created.

It turned out that Nahuel and Huilen were actually related. Hearing their story was amazing. Aro had no idea Nahuel, who was the hybrid, existed, as Nahuel had been with Huilen, rather than stay with his father, like his sister had been. Huilen had been the one to find out that the Volturi had murdered Joham and the girls, after having seen them leave the scene. They were angry with the Volturi, as the girls had not been venomous and had not posed a threat.

Still, due to Nahuel's uniqueness, they preferred to hide, rather than come out into the open.

"Nahuel, Huilen, can I speak with you?" I asked, kindly. I pulled them to the side, and used Zafrina'a ability to mask our presence, and thus the others were unaware of our conversation. I tried to be calm, lest I lose the ability. This was something I didn't want the others to know.

"I would like for you to keep it what I am about to tell you to yourselves," I asked of them. They shared a look, but nodded. "I was the one to _dispose_ of the Volturi," I whispered, though our companions couldn't hear us. They stared at me in disbelief.

"I can copy gifts," I explained. "This ability to mask us right now belongs to Zafrina. I copied the Volturi's gifts and killed them – but not before they harmed my family…" I told them quickly about what happened to the family. No one else had asked about the neck wounds, though some had wondered. Alice preferred to hide hers with a scarf, and Jasper wore it proudly. However, he was already covered in scars, so it didn't stand out that much. Edward preferred to hide his as well.

Telling the story to Nahuel and Huilen changed their minds about joining us. Undoubtedly, we would have to tell the story about hybrids, and most would need proof. Nahuel and Huilen concluded that if they wanted the world to be a better place, they would have to reveal themselves.

Still, as we continued onwards to the designated flight point, I noticed that Nahuel and Huilen ran close together, and worried about the future. I admired their strength.

In the dead of the night, we greeted Carlisle and Esme, who waited for us a with a plane. Tanya and Irina joined us, as well as Kate and Garret, and they brought 5 vampires, who had been interested in flying to Italy, rather than running.

"This is very strange," Nahuel commented, curious. He stared around the plane, obviously amazed by the human contraception.

"You can say that again," Jorge commented, eyeing Nahuel with obvious curiosity. He wasn't the only one eying Nahuel – they all did, obviously curious.

"We're flying over Romania on the way – Bella, Edward, Alice, and Jasper are dropping off to deal with Maria," Esme said as she escorted Cecilia to a seat.

"We're coming too," Cecilia insisted.

"No." Jasper's voice brooked no room for arguments. "You're not just a liability, but Matt's ability could be harvested."

"If you come, some of you may die," Alice added. Matt and Cecilia stared at each other, and I saw how the measured the pros and cons in their minds. Matt wouldn't allow Cecilia to be hurt, and he knew that she would follow wherever he went. He nodded with a sigh, having made his decision.

Their desire to kill Maria wasn't large enough to jeopardize it all, and they backed down.

"We're staying, then," he said out loud. Cecilia visibly relaxed.

"Well, we're coming," Jorge insisted. "We don't have powers, after all…"

"What's the plan?" Carlisle asked from the cockpit.

"Maria has a vampire who can steal powers permanently and give them to others. Maria is quite powerful now, but Bella can neutralize her. We do need someone to get close enough to kill her – someone who doesn't have powers, since they will be lost…" Edward quickly explained.

We planned various attack routes as we flew towards Romania. Maria's abilities were messing up the visions, but we seemed to come out unscathed afterwards, and that was what was important.

Edward grasped my hand as we opened the door of the place. The wind howled up here, and then we jumped.

* * *

 **The gift of Power Transferal is an idea from "Life and Death: Twilight". I haven't read the book, but I saw the character and her ability, and found it to be pretty nifty.**


	40. Tying up loose ends

Crazy, the last chapter garnered very, very few reviews. Thank you to all who reviewed, though – it always makes me happy.

We're getting close to the finish-line. This is the second last chapter. I hope you like it

* * *

 **Chapter 40 – Tying up loose ends.**

Falling from the airplane was utterly surrealistic. We sped towards the ground, and Edward held my hand, laughing as we went. I could hear Jasper and Alice, as well as our companions, laughing as well. The wind whirred around us, but I heard everything perfectly. I laughed loudly, enjoying the sensation of falling, but perhaps that was more due to the safe knowledge that I wouldn't get hurt.

The ground came closer, fast, yet I had no trouble moving into a position that would make me land and roll to a standing position – gracefully.

Only Alice and I were standing as we reached the ground, the boys…

"Boys will be boys?" Alice wondered, watching the guys make a loud spectacle of themselves. There had been a huge crash, like an earthquake, and all 5 guys, Edward and Jasper, as well as our three Mexican companions, had tried to see who could make the biggest dent into the earth. They were eagerly discussing their results, ending with having to admit that Arturo was the winner.

"So, Arturo's was the biggest?" Alice wondered, her tinkling laugh breaking their concentration. Edward flitted to my side and kissed me lovingly.

"Yours was rather big, too," I assured him, laughing at he shook his head at me.

"You are so absurd," he chuckled, and I enjoyed his carefree nature, as I knew that soon we would be all business again.

* * *

Edward heard their mental voices long before we saw them. He stopped, nearly unable to continue. From his mind, I saw what happened. I felt disgusted at what Maria had done.

"She's insane – out of her mind…" Edward whispered, disturbed. "She has no control over the newborns, and she kills most of them when they've been turned. Some she keeps alive to feed on their human relatives…" His words subdued us all. I could tell they were all affected by this. Our Mexican companions didn't seem too surprised, but Jasper looked affected emotionally. He seemed to steel himself for this fight, and Alice squeezed his hand in support.

Edward continued. "She's gathered quite a few abilities, but she can't control them that well – she doesn't know how they work… It looks like a battlefield," Edward added. Through Edward's mind, I saw the minds of the newborns closest to us. They were frightened and confused, but subservient, while at the same time utterly savage. Hundreds of humans had been murdered or changed already, and taking the Romani camps Maria ensured that it was people who weren't too obvious to the system.

"How has no one seen it?" I wondered. Despite them being under the radar, this many people could hardly go unnoticed.

"She must've been very thorough," David concluded. We all shuddered at what she'd done. How many lives had been lost due to her crazy crusade? No more – no more lives after today. I know, a very small part of Jasper, wished he could reason with Maria, but he already knew it was likely impossible.

"Let's get this over with," Alice said, indicating we should get a move on. She spoke what Jasper thought – he wanted to get it over with, very much. Maria had her hideout further ahead. From the minds of her minions, I saw that she was no longer the beautiful, ensnaring woman Jasper remembered, but a savage demon, whose hair was tangled with blood, and whose clothes were clawed and blood-soaked as well – she looked crazy. Weirdly enough, seeing her felt oddly relatable.

Our small army moved ahead. The newborns took notice of us, but they seemed too uncertain as to whether they should attack or not.

"Tell your Sire that Jasper Whitlock is here," Jasper commanded, forcing the newborns to be calm. I admired his skill with his ability. The newborns looked absolutely crazy – like fast-moving zombies in a horror movie – starved and wild. I watched them run away, looking anxiously over their shoulder, and not much sooner, Maria came within my range.

For a moment, her powers seemed to overwhelm me. My heart must've started beating, it certainly felt so, and my family and our companions turned to me. They looked at me like something was _wrong_.

"Bella," Edward whispered, his voice laced with worry. I felt like I was drowning. I tried to push something heavy from me, but it clung to me.

"I can't control it," I whispered, scared senseless. My entire being shunned the thought of hurting my family. Too much time had been spent caring for them, and now I would be the one to hurt them! I must've stepped away, because Edward kept coming towards me. He had to get away from me, but I knew he wouldn't leave me.

"Shut it off," Edward commanded, his voice cutting through my mind. Despite the chaos in my mind, his voice managed to cut through it all, and make me focus. I managed with difficulty to cut Maria's gifts from me, and as I did, I breathed out loud. We had moved further away, as I had obviously been backing away. I didn't recall moving.

"I felt like I drowned… There are so many gifts… I can't control it… I can't…" My voice shook as I spoke, just like my body. Edward held me tight. This was something we had talked about – that I might not be able to control that many gifts; I had hoped to be wrong, I had hoped to be stronger.

"You said you couldn't control it," Edward told me.

"I don't remember," I said, almost whispering. From his mind, I saw how they had turned to me, how I had spoken with fear in my voice _I can't control it, I'll kill you_ , and then I had backed away, frightened.

"She's here in a moment." Alice's voice had dropped, and she ghosted to my side in less than a nanosecond. She squeezed my hand for a moment, lending me emotional support. I used her ability to quickly scan for the family – I needed the reassurance.

"Are you okay?" Edward whispered, worried. He looked at me searchingly, and I felt his love from using Jasper's ability.

"I'm afraid to use her powers," I revealed, speaking very quietly. "I felt like I drowned in them, and I feared what they would make me do… There were too many…" That many powers, at once, and without knowing how they worked – I would destroy my family and our companions. The thought scared me, making me almost shiver. I leaned into Edward's embrace.

"Just shut her off, then," Jasper told me. I nodded I response, wishing I had more time to understand the powers, but as it was, I worried about the damage I could do with so many powers, and unable to control them. Considering how the area looked – broken and burned – I was pretty sure that Maria couldn't handle her many powers either.

Our host interrupted our quiet moment.

"Well, well, well…" Her voice was like a soft purr, and I tensed, anxious. She came within our vision, joined by a young, quiet, almost mousy, female vampire. She was the one who held the ability to transfer powers, and through her mind, I saw that she wasn't able to use the powers herself, only transfer them. I was sad that she had to die, but from her mind I saw her adoration to Maria. I wondered how that adoration had come to pass.

"Jasper, what a pleasant surprise!" Maria tone was as Jasper recalled, but her appearance had changed so much, so she looked psychopathic as she spoke. She was clearly curious to find out why we were there, but her belief and trust in her own powers made willing to draw the questioning out. "Allow me to introduce Mele," Maria gestured towards Mele, who seemed to be interested in shaking out hands. We stayed back, however, keeping our distance. Maria didn't think anything odd about this, but attributed it to her own, obvious power, which must've made us scared.

"I don't recall her," Jasper replied, conversationally.

"Oh you wouldn't," Maria replied, pleased at the pretense. "I met Mele at the border of Guatamala; poor thing was starving and all alone." Maria was by Mele's side in an instant, and despite her obvious being twenty-something, the mousy girl leaned into Maria's embrace. The attachment, which I had speculated about, seemed to show itself – Mele had obviously been rescued and changed by Maria. Her quiet and shy demeanor practically screamed that she needed comfort – something that Maria was all too willing to give, considering Mele's gift.

From their emotions, I could tell Mele's attachment to Maria ran much deeper than Maria's to Mele's. I was sad that Mele would have to die, but she was obviously too dangerous to keep alive.

Maria let her arms fall from Mele, who almost looked like she pined for the comfort of Maria's embrace the moment she was let go. Maria crossed her arms loosely, leaning slightly back as she surveyed us, almost bored. Mele stood, staring at us between her lashes, her head bent somewhat down in subservience. From her mind, I knew Mele followed the proceedings, closely. She wondered which of us had the best power, and if she could get it – she wanted to make Maria proud. Maria had already told Mele about Jasper's power.

"Nice to meet you, Mele," Jasper greeted, calmly, not realizing the mental plotting Mele was doing. And yet, despite not knowing her thoughts, he knew her emotions, and I recognized his stance – while not openly hostile, he had prepared himself for a fight. Edward was already gently positioning us – Jorge and David flanked us, while Arturo was next to me in the middle of the group. If Mele tried to run towards us, they would intercept her. From their minds, I knew they were ready, too.

Surprisingly, Maria seemed to be bored of playing with us. "And now you're here to pledge your loyalty – before I take over Volterra?" Maria laughed lightly, seemingly amused by the notion. "I've heard rumors that you're gathering vampires… Something about a new world order…" She scoffed at the mere idea of changes. All of her vampire life had been about gathering power, and she had done well with her previous sisters. She wasn't about to give up the opportunity now. In her mind, I knew she was confident that she could take us out. She wondered if taking out Alice meant she could keep Jasper – she had always liked him, and would be sad to see him die. However, she, like Jasper, had come to the same conclusion that it was likely they would have to kill the other.

Her newborn army had gathered around us, and I could tell that Jasper was keeping them calm. It was a tough job, as there were at least 40 newborns. I helped him, while simultaneously skimming their minds to see what I could expect.

Weirdly enough, the newborns didn't have that many thoughts – their world seemed highly focused on one specific thing at a time. They were obvious cowed by Maria, and would attack if they had to. They were confused, but had been drilled to attack anyone who attacked Maria. I wondered if I had been like them in my newborn days – before the attack. I didn't think I was ever that de-humanized.

Oblivious to my thoughts, Jasper said, "We're considering self-governing territories." His voice was calm, and Maria didn't look impressed. I wondered if she had ever considered what she would do once she took over the world. Would it just be chaos and anarchy, then? She didn't trust anyone, so what did she actually think she could accomplish by becoming a ruler? It seemed she just wanted power for the sake of power.

"Pity," Maria replied, straightening. In her mind, her choice was made. "If you won't join me, I'm afraid I can't let you live," Maria told us, her voice almost apologetic. I straightened, too – our talk was over. The newborns moved amongst themselves, clearly fighting Jasper's ability. They didn't have much luck, since we were two keeping them calm.

As Maria walked around us in a circle, pretending to want to fight physically, she skimmed her own powers, considering which one to use, though she had trouble actually only unleashing one at the time. Mele was following the proceedings, and the Mexicans kept a vigilant eye on her.

Then, almost bored with the game, Maria hissed at us angrily, obviously attacking us. Except, nothing happened. I think I would forever cherish and laugh at the memory of Maria stretching her arms towards us and nothing happening. The shock, the confusion, was beyond humorous.

"What is happening?!" Maria shrieked, angrily. She stared at her hands in confusion and frustration, before obviously realizing it had to be us. I had cut her off from her powers, and recalling what I did to Alex, turning his gift against himself and trapping him, I did it now to Maria. It was horrible. All the gifts turned on herself, and she fell to the ground, screaming and trashing by unseen pain and confusion. Both Jasper and I withdrew his ability from her, because feeling her emotions were too horrible. I trapped the newborns with Maria and her run-amok powers, but left Mele to herself, as I knew she had to die, and I wasn't sure I could keep the Mexican's from being harmed by Maria's gifts if they touched physically one who was affected. Either way, it was unnecessary to take the chance.

As Maria fell to the ground, along with her newborns, her screams spurred Mele into action. She launched herself at us, but Jorge intercepted her easily, and threw her away from us. She landed gracefully, and readied herself to save Maria, despite her chances being less than slim. Jorge, David, and Arturo attacked her, and the fight against her was over fast, as Arturo got a grip around her head, and David grasped her body and pulled, hard. Listening to the tear of her head made me clench my teeth. I tried to stay strong, as Maria was still alive.

"Let's deal with the newborns," Edward pointed out. I didn't like doing it – it made me feel things I couldn't deal with now, but I couldn't leave my family and our companions to deal with it themselves; we were all together in this, after all.

I didn't like that we had to kill them, but we didn't have the man-power to control the many newborns that ran around. We moved as a group, killing them as we passed them. They were all affected by Maria gifts, and it kept them unmovable and easy to destroy.

I would've liked to save them, but Maria hadn't been interested in keeping the vampires for longer than she could gather their powers. Some of them she only kept to create more chaos and to build something that resembled an army – or perhaps they were just canon-fodder, their sole purpose to create confusion, distraction, while she took the power.

There were a lot of newborns, all of them untrained and crazy. A few of them welcomed death – I could hear it in their minds. I knew it was the ones aware enough to know that they had murdered and eaten their own family, and now they needed a way out.

As the newborns and Mele lay in a pile, we finally turned to the thrashing Maria.

"Do you want the honor, Major?" Alice looked at her husband with love. Jasper looked very emotional at the thought of ending his creator, while our companions watched in respectful silence.

I cut off Maria's powers so that she was no longer tormented by them herself. For this, Jasper deserved her awareness, deserved to destroy her while she knew what happened.

He neared slowly, with our companions following his footsteps. From their minds, I saw how much they hated her for destroying their country.

"Jasper," Maria gasped, angrily. She rose to claw at him, but she was nothing without the powers, and Jasper was behind her, instantly. For just a second he hesitated, letting her become completely aware of what was about to happen. The grisly sound of her head being torn from her body had me silently moving away.

It was over and done with – we had taken care of Maria and her newborns, as well as her companion. Now, I felt the impact of not what we had done, but the noises I had heard. I had long ago accepted that some vampires had to die – if I wanted to be safe and keep my family safe – but hearing the tearing noise reminded me of my family, and for just a few seconds, I felt another panic attack come my way. Had it not been for Alice's ability, I would've broken down. I flipped through the futures as I checked up on my family, all the while Jasper, Alice, and our Mexican companions started a fire.

"Bella." Edward was by my side, his hands running up and down my arms as to almost warm me.

"I feel so drained," I revealed, leaning into him. "Hearing theirs head being torn off… I just…" I trailed off. "It's too much," I told him. He held me tight.

"Bella, I'm sorry you had to experience this…" Edward kissed my forehead, and squeezed me tighter.

"Don't" I told him. "It's not just me, you feel it too, I know… I feel so silly… I just…" I trailed off. I realized now how truly affected I was from the incident with the Volturi, and I knew it would haunt me for the rest of my life. I would never forget how they were murdered, and through their memories and Aro's memories, I saw how it had happened. More than ever, I was glad that I didn't sleep. My family's deaths were forever imprinted in my mind.

"We lost so much," Edward whispered to me, quietly. From him mind, I saw how uncomfortable he had been at killing the newborns – we all had been. We stayed together, hugging, until Alice slipped to our side.

"We're done," Alice said. I nodded, and Alice hugged me tightly, followed by Jasper. Their touch, their love, healed me somewhat. I knew they needed it too – I wasn't the only one remembering the dark days. They had been under Alex's influence and technically didn't feel their own deaths, but their torment lay when they had awoken – I wasn't the only one with PTSD-symptoms.

"For a moment, I was scared that I would be the one doing all the killing," I revealed, trying to smile lightly.

"You did well. Now you know what to expect," Jasper assured me, sending me a happy grin.

"Are you ready?" Edward directed his question to our companions, who were watching us with obvious curiosity. They nodded silently, each considering us mentally. I didn't like this next part, but we had to burn the entire camp – and the ones Maria had "visited". We needed to destroy any evidence linking it to something supernatural, and spent a few hours doing things. Everything was burned, leaving no clue as to what had happened. Alice and I looked at the future, checking to see if we had missed anything – we hadn't, at least not what we could see.

Fdsfjædsjdslkg****

We moved through Romania, if not running, then stealing fast cars, and onwards through Serbia, Herzegovina, and Croatia, where we reached the sea. The rest of the family waited with a large boat by the sea, along with a few nomads who had joined them.

Seeing my family again, gathered and safe, brought so much relief, and I knew I wasn't the only one. We all hugged each other, tightly, and I knew our new friends found our display very curious.

Jorge was the first who wondered what the line around everyone's neck meant.

"How did it go?" Carlisle had just hugged me tightly, and had moved to Edward.

"It went well – she was utterly insane…" Edward replied, as he hugged Carlisle tightly.

"She had amassed so many gifts, but she couldn't even control them," Jasper explained, as we boarded the speedboat. They continued explaining our experience, as I sat back, letting the joy of being near my family calm me.

"You have a family," Jorge commented to me, quietly. "Not a coven," he added. From his mind, I saw now that our claim to have a family, rather than a coven, had become obvious to him. There was undeniable love between us, a love that went further than convenience or just a sire and his offspring.

"Yes," I replied, not knowing what else to say.

"Is it because you eat animals?" He wondered, curious.

"I don't know… Drinking animals makes us able to interact with humans, and thus able to retain our humanity. Having a family and close friends is a human thing… Perhaps this common ground is what has brought us so much closer together…" I wasn't sure why our family was different, so it was only speculations.

"And what of the neck-wounds?" Jorge hesitantly added. "I notice you don't have one…"

"It's a long story," I replied, unwilling to explain.

"I think we all have the time, and probably deserve to know…" His ideas weren't far from the mark. It was obvious that our family had been in a fight, and considering our prominent stance on self-governing territories, our interest in gathering all vampires, he assumed that we had been involved in the disappearance of the Volturi. I didn't explain, but I knew we would have to explain eventually, perhaps even in front of everyone.

* * *

Despite there being a few days before the meeting was set, we were not the only one there.

"Carlisle Cullen." Alice and I had seen him ahead of time, and knew who he was. We had told the others, but Carlisle pretended to be oblivious.

The vampire was male, and his gift was similar to Eleazar's – he could tell what gifts we had. I let Zafrina use her gift to make the vampire think that we only had few, inconsequential gifts. From his mind, I could tell he was pleased.

"Yes?" Carlisle greeted, polite as ever.

"I am Andrei. I represent the Romanian Coven, led by Vladimir and Stefan," Andrei greeted politely. "They heard about your plans, and they would like to meet you."

"We would suggest Vladimir and Stefan join us here – we plan to have our meeting here, after all, and they are certainly a part of this…" Carlisle's tone continued to be kind, and Andrei didn't seem appreciative of us dismissing the idea of leaving with him.

"I will let them know…" He slipped away, and Alice and I followed his route back to his masters.

"They're confident that they can take us out," Alice revealed.

"They're coming," I supplied.

"I would prefer not to harm them – I am sure we can come to agreeable terms. They don't want to reveal us like Maria did," Carlisle told us all. I nodded vaguely, trying to see the future. There were many possibilities – it depended on their mood in the moment. The Romanians hadn't been interested in exposing us, and Maria had attacked their country. Knowing this, hopefully they would be more inclined to listen.

As we waited, I went through everyone's powers. I was slowly building up the ability use more at a time, but what helped was that the abilities at my disposal were defensive, rather than offensive. Still, they could easily get the better of me, so I kept my base, which were Jasper's, Alice's, and Edward's abilities, and then I added one at a time, to see how far I could go, while still using the gifts.

"Could we do this later – it's pretty surreal," Edward quietly asked me, and I looked up at him, surprised.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I didn't think that you might not want loads of ants around you right now." Edward chuckled at how engrossed I was, and then kissed me as a nice distraction. Zafrina's gift fell away, and Edward chuckled against my lips.

"Are you sure you can take them?" Lysa, a female nomad who had travelled with Kate and Garrett, looked a little restless.

"We're sure, don't worry." Carlisle put her worries to rest.

"We've seen what they can do, fear not," Jorge told her, chuckling. He came to her side, and I heard him whisper quietly about his adventures with us. She calmed as Jorge talked to her. I tuned them out in favor of observing Kate and Garrett, who seemed much closer than they had been when we had all split up. Now, they stood with their arms around each other, looking every bit like a couple as any of us. They glanced at each other, and the obvious affection was impossible to miss.

"Well, now we're just two left," Tanya commented. She stood by my side, watching the new couple as well.

"You know," I said, smirking. "We're going to be quite a few vampires later. Who knows who you might meet," I told her, grinning. Kate looked over at us, obviously hearing the comment.

"Thank you for brining me this angel, Bella." Kate laughed lightly, as Garrett squeezed her tighter.

"I think we can attribute this to fate," I told her, smiling. "Meeting Garrett certainly seemed perfectly timed…" Further talk was interrupted by the Romanians. We heard them long before we saw them.

Stefan and Vladimir arrived with 7 other vampires – followers. From their minds, I knew instantly that they prized these vampires to be their toughest, and that they deliberately avoided bringing everyone to downplay the threat they posed – or assumed they posed.

Like the Volturi, Vladimir and Stefan had somewhat powdery skin as well. I was beginning to theorize that power meant stagnation for vampires. Sitting in the old throne-room meant they forgot the days – they forgot to bathe, and the dust became a part of them. I didn't get why anyone would want such a life.

"Stefan, Vladimir." Carlisle showed himself from his best side. He moved to greet them kindly, and I kept a very good eye on it to ensure he wasn't hurt.

"The Cullen and Denali coven – and some nomads," Stefan acknowledged. Despite their age, Stefan spoke with obvious accent, and I knew that Vladimir did as well. As they spoke, I tuned it out, somewhat, as I searched their powers. This time, I was far more careful; I made sure to avoid gathering their powers, lest I be overwhelmed like with Maria. They had a shield, a powerful one at that, and he was physical – similar to the one we met on the journey here. He was the main power, and the rest were able to do harm – just harm. I wasn't going to go near those powers, so I would have to shut them off. It seemed the Romanians preferred brute force, very similar to the Volturi. This surprised me, since I knew the Romanians detested the Volturi, so walking in their footsteps was unexpected. Then again, I knew they had prepared for a war with Maria, and she certainly wouldn't have held back.

"Self-governing territories?" Vladimir sounded almost amused, and I tuned into the conversation again.

"We believe that power corrupts, especially vampires due to being able to sit on a throne for so long. I lived with the Volturi for a while, and I became aware of some gruesome things they did – they felt they were above and beyond the law…" Carlisle explained.

"We do not plan to take on white hats and call ourselves saints, and have holidays names after us," Vladimir sneered, though I could see the sneer was directed at the thought of the Volturi, rather than us.

"That is appreciated, but the Volturi was once idealistic young vampires, who found themselves with the same opinions of _you_ , as you now do of _them_ ," Carlisle reminded them, kindly. Vladimir didn't seem to appreciate being reminded of when the Volturi destroyed their coven, took away their power, and cast them out.

"We will fight for our right," Stefan assured us. None of us bothered to point out that ruling the vampire world wasn't their right.

"You may fight as you like – but I believe we should do it at the gathering, and through words, rather than violence." Carlisle's voice had become a bit more steel-like. "I know that I would like a choice, and so would many others…" Vladimir seemed more intent than Stefan on waging war – in his mind, he had already decided to get rid of us. It would have to be before the other vampires joined us.

Stefan followed Vladimir's lead, as he prepared to fight, or rather, they stepped behind their guards, who took up fighting positions.

"Is this it? Obey or die?" Carlisle stepped closer to Esme, and everyone else moved a bit closer as well to each other. Despite Carlisle trusting me, I could tell from his mental voice how sad he was that it had come to this. I copied the shield – just in case they attacked physically, and then I cut off their powers from us. They vampires affected wouldn't know until they needed to use their abilities on us.

"I never cared much for democracy," Vladimir replied, dismissively. As he spoke, his guards tried to attack us. It didn't take long for them to realize the futility, and they looked around, confused.

"What?" Vladimir hissed to his followers, and one woman whimpered. Stefan turned to us, obviously realizing that we had to have something to do with this.

"You can have Italy, if you like, or your own country Romania – of course, if that's the way we proceed. But everyone who will come here will decide on how to proceed. The majority might choose a ruling entity, or our suggestion, or a middle way, but we will vote," Carlisle patiently responded. Vladimir looked angry, and he disappeared a second later. Stefan stayed for a mere second, and then he and the rest of the followers left as well.

"Will they be back?" Jorge wondered, interestedly.

"Not entirely sure," Alice admitted. "They want to rule, and they want to kill us, preferably without anyone else realizing it. There's no point in ruling if there are no one to rule over, after all…"

"This is something we need to discuss once everyone arrives," Carlisle pointed out. "I'd hate to let them live, only for them to stab me or anyone else in the back later…"

"This was boring," David admitted, though he sported a slight grin.

"Most vampires have a high level of self-preservation." Jasper chuckled, easily. "They knew they had somehow misread us, and to continue would likely mean death…"

We fell silent and waited for the vampires to arrive. Little by little, vampires started to join us. Every vampire arriving knew someone, or knew someone who knew someone, so introductions seemed easy. I enjoyed playing with the abilities of vampires who arrived. I stayed to the side with Edward.

"There's a shield – similar to the one the Romanians had," I whispered very quietly to Edward. He seemed fascinated like me, and we continued to observe. Carlisle was absolutely great at greeting the vampires. His calm and polite demeanor, as well as Esme by his side, meant that most vampires were interested in listening, as he explained more and more about our concept.

Several covens arrived, and Carlisle greeted them warmly, and I realized he knew them. From their thoughts, I could see that they were from Europe, and stayed primarily in Ireland and Scotland.

Within hours of the designated day, more vampires started to appear, and slowly the place we. One of them was Alistair, who knew Carlisle personally. I could tell from his emotions and his thoughts that he was a nervous vampire, and that he preferred to not be here. However, he felt a sense of obligation from being friend of Carlisle. To him, it didn't matter how things played out, as long as no one bothered him. occupied filled. Some vampires were nomads through and through, and stayed to themselves. I was pleased to see that all we had spoken to had decided to arrive, and in some cases bring others as well.

Nahuel and Hulen stayed close to Jasper and me, clearly anxious about being out in the open. I understood why, as Nahuel was being scrutinized by every newcomer.

Another group of vampires were the Egyptian coven, and they were quite fascinating. The leader, Amun, as well as his mate Kebi, were older than the Romanians. Edward quietly whispered me their story. From their minds, I could tell that they hoped for a fight against the Romanians – they wanted to defeat them, as they had waged war with the Romanians before the Volturi came along – there was an old hatred buried. Along with Amun and Kebi were Benjamin and Tia, both sired by Amun, who had chosen Benjamin due to his unique gift – the gift of elemental manipulation. I could tell from Amun's mind that he kept a close eye on Benjamin – he was very protective of him. I couldn't tell if it was due to real affection, or Benjamin's gift.

"We're all here," Alice's voice rang out, certain. Both she and I had kept an eye on the proceedings with her gift, though primarily her, as I helped Jasper monitor everyone's emotions. I could tell people were curious as to how she knew, and some I could tell found the gathering fascinating and exciting.

"Welcome, everyone." Carlisle's voice rang out among us. He didn't have to raise his voice, as everyone heard him perfectly. I felt excited, as I skimmed through the possible futures.


	41. Summer

I have edited the last chapter (chapter 40); I wasn't entirely fine with the pacing.

Thanks to Theayonder and TrillionSchiffer for encouraging me to re-do it.

* * *

 **Dear everyone**

This is the **last** chapter. For 41 weeks I have updated a chapter each week! Some of you have been with me from the start, some of you jumped on the wagon later on. Either way, **THANK YOU** so much for your wonderful support.

It's pretty crazy to be writing this. With this chapter, I think I will reach 900 reviews and 100.000 views, as well as over 330.000 words.

I am so grateful for your support!

Without further ado:

* * *

 **Chapter 41 – Summer**

Carlisle's tone wasn't loud; he didn't need to strain his voice, as everyone heard him perfectly. Around us, over 300 vampires were gathered in the forest, but we were spread out in a large circle around Carlisle, as most weren't that comfortable standing too close.

I wasn't sure this many vampires had ever gathered, and I hoped it bode well for the future. For this, I had to let go of Edward's ability – there was simply too many minds for me to be able to focus, and I wasn't as skilled with Edward's gift as he was himself. Instead, I focused on helping Jasper feeling what people felt, so that we could be pro-active if someone decided something. I felt confident, as I also used Alice's gift. I wanted so much to test other vampires' gift, but I was used to my family's gifts, and opening up for them only, and I worried that I would lose track if I started opening up for more.

"I am beyond pleased to see that we could amass this kind of gathering," Carlisle admitted, smiling happily at the somewhat uncertain crowd. "I hope you, just like I am, are curious about where we go from now. I hope that we can all join in with experiences and information. Some of what will be said today might be hard to hear…" Carlisle fell silent for a brief second, just to let everyone digest what he had said.

I knew the next part would hurt emotionally – but for the sake of transparency, we had to tell what happened with the Volturi. Originally, we had all hoped to avoid the conversation, but the fact that my family survived gave us new information on how venom worked and how vampires worked – information that everyone had a right to know, especially if they ever landed in similar situation. Aro had never bothered to go public with his findings, which were truly a shame.

"I know, some of you may be wondering why I am standing before you, why my family have tried to gather you all, and I will explain. First, however, I need to tell you that my family and I are _not_ interested in power. We will _not_ hurt you. We live amongst human, we eat animals, we study. I work with humans at a human hospital – we try to be more human, as that gives our lives a purpose. This is _our_ way of dealing with immortality, and we respect anyone else doing what they do – we are _not_ here to change you or hurt you!" Carlisle spoke the last part insistently.

I could already tell by using Alice's gift that most would be shocked at what we would explain. Jasper and I wouldn't forcibly calm them – only if they turned aggressive. The future was a mish-mash with many different outcomes.

"Soon, it will be 4 years ago the Volturi attacked my family – and 4 years ago my family was consequently slaughtered, as well as the Volturi." The statement fell hard, and I noticed how the vampires shifted. Some readied themselves to leave at a moment's notice, to protect themselves, while others felt confident to stand their ground and listen. Mostly, they looked around each other, trying to figure out what to do the information.

"What are you talking about?" Amun wondered, haughtily. Many nodded in the background, wondering the same. However, most had observed the lines around the necks of my family, and were already connecting the dots.

"The line around my throat is from having my head torn off. A similar line is around my family's throats," Carlisle explained, calmly. I admired how he managed to calm everyone by using his tone. Carlisle looked utterly humane, so despite saying something horrible, it was hard to feel threatened by him.

"Aro and I were friends many years ago. What I didn't know at the time, was that he actually hated me," Carlisle explained.

Slowly, Carlisle unraveled the story of his relationship with Aro, and how Aro had formed a deep feeling of hatred towards him. Carlisle explained how the Brothers had come to our home, with their guard, to kill us all, using false lies and reasons – the family showed their scars. He revealed my power to copy gifts, though didn't mention that it was only for a short period of time. He explained how I had accidentally used Aro's gift on himself, and subsequently how I had found out that Aro had done horrible things through his career as a leader.

From their emotions, I could tell that they were curious as to why Carlisle spoke, and not me – at least about Aro's memories, since I had the first-hand account. I signaled Carlisle gently with Jasper's ability, to let him know I would take over, as we had earlier agreed upon. Originally, I had hoped to avoid speaking, but we would give the vampires what they needed, and if they needed me to speak, or someone else, we'd try to make that happen, before they voiced it aloud.

"Bella will be able to tell you much more about this," Carlisle introduced me, and I reached him easily. I didn't feel confident at speaking in front of this many vampires – I hadn't felt comfortable at speaking in front of humans either. Nevertheless, I tried to seem as unimposing as possible as I spoke – it wasn't a tough feat. As I stood in front of them, preparing my speech, I could feel their emotions. To them, surprisingly, I seemed confident and fearless – perhaps even dangerous. That was an odd thing to realize, as I had never perceived myself as such. It was something I would need to ponder later – it had been quite a while since I had _looked_ at myself.

"I know that what I will tell you will be hard to hear, or perhaps hard to believe," I explained. "We do have proof, though," I revealed, before I began my story. I told them about what I had learned from Aro, and how they had slowly become corrupt. When we had first planned our meeting, Alice had seen that some of the vampires who had been left behind at Volterra had left the place – since their masters hadn't come back. A few had stayed behind, amongst those were the prisoners who had been unable to leave; these vampires had all been killed when the Romanians had gotten wind of the lack of Volturi, and had gone to the city. Still, we had two vampires at our side who weren't affiliated with us personally. One was Afton, Chelsea's mate, and another was Klara, a 'foot soldier', who had no ability at all. While Afton did have an ability, he couldn't project it from himself, as so Aro had never seen him worthy or useful.

I had talked with Afton and Klara and gotten their permission to include them. Poor Afton resembled Marcus, it was obvious to anyone who looked. My family and I were not the only gifted vampires – there were vampires who could feel emotions, like Jasper, though not necessarily influence them the same way, and there were vampires who could tell if someone lied, or see bonds forged and broken between living creatures. Those vampires could verify the stories we told, and they helped us all uncover the truth.

Afton stood up to give his report on being a guard of the Volturi. He hated Aro for taking his mate away from him, not just to where she was killed, but generally. Afton told that Chelsea's gift was so powerful and necessary, that Aro needed her, and took her from Afton. The only reason Afton was allowed to live, was due to Corin, who had the ability to force Chelsea to stay with the guard – otherwise Aro would've killed Afton to prevent Chelsea from leaving – just like, I explained, Aro had done to Marcus and Didyme. Afton explained how Aro would gather followers by sentencing a coven, and then redeeming the talented vampires; hearing it from Afton's broken voice made several speak up.

"I too, have lost. I used to have a talented vampire in my coven, but Aro took Demitri from me by using Chelsea's gift," Amun spoke up. His voice was rough and hateful.

"He kept you alive because you were skilled at finding talented humans," Klara revealed, standing by Afton, though looking far less certain than he had. Of course, she was entirely powerless, where Afton could avoid detection and therefore be safer. Not that anyone would attack, but it was still very mind-numbing to stand in front of everyone. "We were not oblivious to the rumors that the Brothers collected gifted vampires. Often, we were taken to see a coven destroyed, and Aro would pretend to judge, though we knew that they were already judged beforehand. However, Corin's gift, as Chelsea's, made us subservient – accepting of what went on. Now, I can see what happened was wrong, but at the time, I didn't care. I _wanted_ the Masters to do well, so I accepted what happened…" Klara explained, calmly.

"Why would they bother with the pretense if you were tied to them?" Someone wondered, trying to cover all ground.

Klara shrugged. "In the early days, they were more obvious in trying to make us all believe that what they did was good. Back then, it was a true theatrical event. After Corin and Chelsea arrived, they carried onwards with the theatrics, but it was less convincing."

"There are many things we need to consider today. Not only if we should keep our existence a secret, but also regarding abilities. Personally, I cannot abide the thought of someone being able to force another creature to submission through a gift – like Chelsea. We may be vampires, but does this mean that we are monsters? Because we can, do we have the right to enslave others and put their lives at risk?" Carlisle's voice was calm and steady. I could tell that everyone disliked the idea of being forced into something they didn't like.

"With that attitude, does this mean we can leave this place without being hurt?" A male nomad stepped forward. "What are the consequences of not following _your_ rule?" He crossed his arms, and I could tell that his skill seemed to be some type of evasion. He felt confident he could get away if things went south.

"Of course," Carlisle assured him, his calm voice laced with sincerity. "Like I said, my family and I don't want power – we work closely with humans, and prefer to continue to live our lives as we've previously done." The nomad nodded, accepting what Carlisle said – for now.

"The human world has evolved – perhaps beyond what you are aware of. There are planes in the sky that transport people, humans have been to Mars, they have vaccines against the many terrible diseases that touched the land many years ago. They have _evolved_ , and it's our time to evolve as well." Carlisle's voice cut through them all, making them all curious. Some were obviously aware of the human world and their accomplishments, while others had lived under a rock.

"We don't trust a single entity to rule us all," Carlisle continued. "We saw what the Volturi did when the power corrupted them, and now that they're gone, the Romanians wish to take over, except that their rule will be like the Volturi's, though they won't pretend that they're saints – their words, not mine," Carlisle explained, severely. "My family and I worry that power corrupts. As many have heard, we suggest self-governing territories. It will be everyone's job to ensure the peace is kept, along with the secret. While my family resides in the US, we could easily keep an eye on things, but as a nomad, if you see anything, it would be your responsibility as well to tell the permanent residents of it, so that they can keep an eye on it, as well. We hope that if someone like Maria happens, then we can _all_ work _together_ , to fight it – to keep us all safe…"

"So you suggest that vampires with permanent residence should govern a territory? They will have the ultimate power over a pieces of land?" A female vampire wondered, curious.

"We already kept a territory under the Volturi's rule, this is no different. The difference now, is when something threatens that territory, that family contacts other families and nearby nomads to get support to fight the threat." I noticed how most vampires took note of Carlisle using the word 'family', rather than 'coven'.

"We have a permanent residence in Ireland, and I don't want to get hurt, or have my mate hurt. That's why the Volturi were good – they had the power to go in, unhurt, and deal with things." The woman who spoke had a strong, Irish accent. I knew she was a friend with Carlisle, but she raised a valid point.

"But at what cost? Those did the dirty work were forced. Together we're stronger," Carlisle responded, simply. "I had hoped that if the Volturi's wrongdoings came to light, then we'd have a revolution. I hope that if you realize that others were being kept against their will, forced into submission, you would not just stand by and watch – especially if there's a group fighting," Carlisle said, his voice rising just a tiny bit. "You are all here _today_. You are here because you care about our future, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered. We can end this now – let the Romanians take charge and accept what they will do to keep their rule." I had a flashback to some movie where the captain spoke before the large battle. This was Carlisle right now. The emotions swirling was excited, fascinated. They were drawn in.

"I want to keep the secret, and I want to trust those in charge – if anyone disagree, feel free to voice your ideas and opinions. If we select a government, like the humans, that would be fine with me as well, or if we select self-governing territories. As long as we ensure that those in power don't turn on us, like the Volturi did, and like the Romanians did thousands of years ago when they were in power." Carlisle paused briefly.

"There are other ways to do things than to have self-governing territories. My family and I hope to bring the vampire world to the 21st century; some of you know what internet is, some of you don't, but we will teach you, and we will have a website that will ensure that we're all updated on what goes on. My family has cellphones, so you can call us. I know several other vampires, both nomads and families, who have phones as well…" Loads of vampires put their phone in the air, showing it off. It was an interesting display, as I realized that, despite drinking from humans, many managed to live in the human world as well – in a way. Strange, because I had always thought that humans-drinkers were outside of the society, keeping away unless to eat. This was obviously not that case.

"The point is, we can be more connected, now. If you're a nomad, and prefer to stay to yourself, you won't have to leave the comfort of your home to know what goes on – you can go online…" Carlisle briefly explain how we would help, and what it entailed. I felt a surge of interest from several vampires.

"But does getting _online_ mean we have to have self-governing territories?" Some wondered.

"Not at all," Carlisle assured. "What I want to do here, is to find a way to govern our world. I want us to make a _choice_ – together – on how we move onwards. If anyone has a different idea, put it forth. Every idea is welcome. Teaching everyone about the internet will just be a great asset to ensure that everyone knows what goes on in the world," Carlisle assured them, sincerely. For a few moments, everyone spoke amongst themselves. "There are other things we need to consider – different creatures than us. We are not the only _supernatural_ beings in this world, and we need to consider how to establish a safe relationship with other species, as well as the unknown…"

"I suggest we take a small break – feel free to ask my family any questions. I should warn you, however; the Romanians are in the area, and they wish to rule. We met them earlier here, and neither Vladimir nor Stefan liked the idea of self-governing territories. I am not sure they will pitch in, explain why we should choose them for their governing, or what they plan on – their plans seem to be up in the wind – I know this, because my daughter has the ability of foresight," Carlisle explained, calmly. Alice raised her hand and smiled energetically.

"So they will kill us?" Someone wondered, disturbed.

"I don't know, there are many possible futures right now," Alice admitted. "In most of them, the Romanians are aggressive, though."

Carlisle continued. "We only know that they oppose to the idea of self-governing territories… The matter of the Romanians needs to be dealt with – together. We took care of Maria since she was a threat to everyone, both vampires and humans alike, as many of you know. None of us likes to kill another vampire, but we will if we have no other choice…"

Everyone seemed to disperse somewhat. My family and I moved away from each other, functioning as an information stand, where people could come and ask questions. I noticed several vampires approached Carlisle and Esme immediately, who did their best to answer questions.

"Did you really care for your coven for 3½ years?" A female nomad stood by me, surprising me. Her gaze was intense, as were her emotions. I still didn't like to use Edward's gift with this many vampires around – I was still unused to it, and I had trouble controlling how many I would listen in on.

"Yes," I admitted.

"Why?" The female wondered. Her tone was curious, almost demanding. Her mate joined her, grasping her hand gently.

"I lost my family and I couldn't deal with it," I told her, truthfully. Her intense curiosity was strange, and her lack of manners made me somewhat uncomfortable. Still, this was how vampires usually were – they forgot to be thoughtful. I think my honesty surprised her, because she gazed at me for a long period of time.

"You are very brave." Her mate spoke up, making the woman loosen up.

"We lost a good friend, once. Had we known…" He trailed off, and I now understood the woman's demanding curiosity.

"I'm sorry," I condoled. "The Volturi made many discoveries, but this passed over their heads – mostly due to Aro's lack of patience. Still, he made many other discoveries, and we hope to share them with you today. What he did was horrible, no doubt about that, but it's done, and we should honor the victims by not letting their contributions go to waste." More had gathered around me, and they listened as I spoke. I could hear my family speak of similar things, and I could tell the emotions among everyone were both curious and fascinated, as well as saddened. Many had lost someone, and now they wondered if they could've saved them. The general presumption was that you died from losing a head – the fired was used as a way to clean up. No one had been as thorough as I had, and had managed what I had.

As I answered questions, a rumble seemed to penetrate the gathering. I stopped speaking and slipped to Edward's side. Ahead of us, Vladimir and Stefan moved towards the center. To be on the safe side, I cut off their powers instantly.

"Vladimir and Stefan," Carlisle greeted. I could feel his hesitance, but his voice betrayed none of it.

"Friends," Vladimir stepped forward. He looked well; imposing, but open. It was vastly different from what I saw of him earlier. For a brief second, I listened to his thoughts, but it was far too chaotic, as everyone's thoughts bombarded me. Instead, I checked the future. Vladimir and Stefan had already decided on their path, and I found myself fascinated to see how things would turn out.

"I know you have all gathered to speak about what to do now that the Beasts are gone." Despite the accent, Vladimir's voice cut through easily. He spread his hands out as he spoke, drawing everyone in. "I know Carlisle Cullen and his coven has come to urge us to _change_ our ways, to make things _different_ ," Vladimir continued, obviously preying on the usual vampire's dislike of changes. "We have come with a proposal as well – that was allowed, yes?" He looked towards Carlisle for mock-confirmation.

"Of course," Carlisle replied, readily.

"The world is dangerous," Vladimir continued. "Humans are not what they used to be – our secret must be maintained!" Vladimir insisted, making several nod in agreement. "I wonder how many are willing to sacrifice their time to do this? Are you willing to chance the lives of your coven?"

"If there's a threat, we will draw help from other covens," Carlisle quickly pointed out. Vladimir waved Carlisle's ideas away.

"Yes, and if they don't come fast enough, or if another coven isn't enough, your mate dies," Vladimir replied, coolly. "Why change, when what we have worked? Sure, the Volturi were bad, worse than expected," Vladimir agreed. He had, after all, found the poor lost vampire prisoners, so he would know some of what the Volturi had done. "Don't blame the system, though. We agree that voting should be done – we want to serve your best interests, after all. We want to make our world safe for us all, and we will never hesitate when asked for help. We will have the manpower to fight any threat against you, and we will give it gladly!" As Vladimir spoke, he talked about how difficult change was, and that change could be scary. He said he understood, and promised that having him and Stefan in power would ensure that everyone would get help, instantly. He talked to everyone's fears, rather than their hopes and dreams, and he talked about how working as a single unit, and having a primary power, would allow us all to be more efficient, but more importantly: no one needed to put their life on the line.

I could tell many vampires liked what he said, but there was also a lot of mistrust. Mistrust, because no matter how Vladimir wrapped it up, it was very apparent that he desired power, that he desired to rule.

Vladimir spoke to the egoistical parts of the vampire in us all – the sense of having others doing the work, the need to feel free and be ourselves, the need to keep the secret safe. Carlisle spoke of the sense of righteousness, the need to _be_ safe, even from leaders, the ability to move forward and evolve, and helping each other. He offered the opportunity of the human world's internet and phones – stay connected, without actually meeting. That was something many saw the benefits of.

Both had pros and cons for many vampires gathered today, but I could tell that, while Vladimir offered a safe choice, Carlisle offered an opportunity, and while Vladimir and Stefan were rough and cold, Carlisle and Esme were warm and welcoming in their attitudes.

Most vampires preferred to stay by themselves, but it was undeniable that in the last few hundreds of years of the Volturi's rule, no one really liked to visit, or ask for help, because they weren't sure if they would get it. The Volturi had, for a long time, felt dangerous. Using Alec and Jane as their faces outward freaked most vampires out. That Jane could easily hurt them, and were apparently allowed to do so by Aro, had made many dislike the Volturi. Most only met them by chance – such as Peter and Charlotte, when Aro had joined his guard on a mission to redeem some gifted vampires.

Carlisle offered openness and less chance of corruption.

"I heard a rumor that you don't like to kill, Carlisle Cullen. What then will you do with those who break the law? Will you _detain_ them?" Vladimir laughed at the mere idea of detaining a vampire.

Carlisle was strong in his comeback. "I will do nothing until _we all_ decide what to do. I have no absolute answers, Vladimir, but we all deserve to be heard – we're all a part of this world. What we do with vampires who break the law is something we must discuss and agree upon. I will do what must be done."

"We could warn them, and then if they continue their behavior we could destroy them." The idea came from a male and his mate. Vladimir didn't look like he took them seriously.

"And take the chance of them creating havoc once more?" Vladimir wondered, raising an eyebrow. "We must protect the secret…" His voice was almost overbearing as he spoke.

"We must protect the secret, no doubt about that. But at what cost? Should we live in a bubble then, killing everything different from us, everything we cannot control?" I spoke up, my voice cool, but calm. "That attitude was why the Brothers became such monsters," I continued. "That attitude is why Aro murdered many, many hybrids – a male vampire making a female human pregnant," I explained. "Despite Aro finding no reason – whatsoever – to link them to any form of danger: He feared the unknown, he chose to murder them." I told them all. "The Volturi hated taking chances, even when the odds were great – such as with the hybrids…"

"My family was murdered – but I did not live with them, so I survived," Nahuel spoke up. "My mother was seduced by a vampire, because he liked to experiment, and she died giving birth to me. The Volturi found out about him and murdered my father and my siblings – despite my siblings being innocent and non-venomous," Nahuel continued, sadly.

"Not only did Aro murder them all, but Aro made his own hybrids and experimented on them," I revealed. "I will not give you the gruesome details, but while Aro found such things fascinating, the fact that it wasn't a known thing in this world made him hate it. Anything _different_ was bad, because it could contest his rule. This was why he had no troubles helping Caius kill all the werewolves, and why, had he known of other species, he would've killed them as well - simply because it would be unknown or different to him!" I could see that Vladimir was getting impatient. Good. "You talk about a central power to ensure that no lives are lost if a fight comes to be; I wonder how you will manage this. Are your guards willing participants, or forced?"

"There's power in numbers," Stefan replied, vaguely, dismissing my question. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Is that what we are? Scared of what's different? Scared to rely on ourselves? Scared of the future?" The voice came from a male nomad, who had so far been quiet and observing. "Vladimir and Stefan speak to our fear, our need for normalcy and as little change as possible, but will it serve us best?" I was happy someone else had spoken up, lest it end up as a vocal battle between us and the Romanians.

Vladimir dismissed the nomad with his hand. "We will serve in your interest," Vladimir said, sounding certain.

"And what happens if we say no to you?" Another Vampire wondered. It was Benjamin who spoke up, the fascinating vampire who could work with the elements. I so dearly wished I could test his gift, but I knew that if I opened up, I would end up with everyone's gifts. Amun did not look appreciative of Benjamin speaking up.

"Nothing, of course," Vladimir replied. His frozen smile betrayed him, and I knew other vampires could sense it as well.

"So if we said we want self-governing territories; you'd be fine with that?" The Irish coven wondered, interested.

"We want to serve you; if you feel self-governing territories are the best way to go, we will not stand in your way. I caution you to make the choice lightly, though," Stefan replied, sounding very considerate and thoughtful. Their appeal to our innermost needs, the lack of change, and the feeling that someone else would deal with everything, was something that appealed to most vampires.

"You're lying – you have been since you started talking," one of the Irish females spoke up – I recognized her as Maggie, a friend of Carlisle's. She was smaller than her coven-mates, and younger as well. However, despite that, she looked oddly imposing and certain.

"I do not like being called a liar," Vladimir told her, coldly. "Have some manners," he added, contemptuously.

"I am not just calling you a liar, I am stating a fact. That is my gift – I can tell when someone lie." Maggie stood her ground and stared at Vladimir. Her coven-mates flanked her, and slowly everyone started to murmur amongst themselves.

The momentum Vladimir and Stefan had gained was lost. As Maggie spoke, a feeling settled in most of us, making us almost able to see the Romanians' lies. The Romanians could be imposing and ensure the peace, but everyone had already decided that they wanted the vampires to join the guard to be willing, and so it would be unlikely for Vladimir and Stefan to have a large guard, since few would actually join, besides those they already had. Would they stay if they knew they had a choice? Who would dedicate their existence to being a guard?

Change was difficult to vampires, but blatantly accepting the Romanians' claim to the throne, due to fear of the unknown, was beyond what most would agree on.

"We have been honest – it's time for you to be as well." Carlisle's voice was like a mocking blow to Vladimir. For a moment, I prepared to use the gift of shielding on Carlisle, despite how chaotic it might turn out to be. Vladimir took a small step forward, towards Carlisle, but Stefan stopped him.

"I wonder, Carlisle Cullen, if this is not a ploy to get the power yourself," Vladimir accused. Emmett and Jasper snorted, loudly.

"We're not interested in power. We, like most of you, have our own lives, own interests. We were responsible for the deaths of the Volturi, so we felt it was our job to try to help establish something new," Carlisle politely explained. Despite not having been here, Vladimir and Stefan didn't look surprised to find out that we had been the reason the Volturi were gone. I assumed that one of their guards had been here from the start, listening in.

"Just remember our offer: you can be safe, and we'll deal with everything," Stefan said, smoothly.

"Will you abide by the rules we make today?" Someone wondered, curious.

"Of course," Stefan replied. Vladimir was no longer talking, because he looked like he was reining in his annoyance.

"And if you break the law yourself, will you stand trial?" Another vampire wondered.

"Should that ever happen, yes," Stefan agreed, once more.

"Lies," Maggie stated, coldly.

"They're assuming that they will be able to amass enough power to ensure no one will dare go against them," Edward spoke up, staring right at Vladimir.

"I don't like your accusations. You're a Cullen, your words cannot be trusted regarding _us_ ," Vladimir almost hissed in reply.

"We are _not_ your opponents," Carlisle reiterated, severely, making Edward's claim trustworthy.

"Just know that we'll be there for you – if you need us," Stefan said, trying to smooth everything out. He then whipped around and left with Vladimir. The visions I had had momentarily of Vladimir attacking Carlisle disappeared.

"What a load of crap," Peter commented, amused.

"What do we do with them?" Zafrina asked, seriously.

"First, I think we should find a way to govern our world, and then we can talk about the rules, and how to deal with lawbreakers, as well as the Romanians," Carlisle suggested.

"Perhaps self-governing territories doesn't sound so bad," Hulen wondered, aloud. "I don't trust anyone enough to not misuse the power, and we would like a place in the world, and not feel forced to hide away…" Several other vampires nodded in agreement and understanding.

"Then I suggest we vote," Carlisle said. "Anyone for a single entity to govern us?" No one said anything or raised their hands. "Anyone interested in electing officials govern us as a single entity?" Carlisle wondered. I knew Carlisle had spoken about it when we had mingled earlier. He liked the idea, but had to admit that it seemed like a hassle. No one bothered to raise his or her hands, and I knew that the choice had already been made.

"Self-governing territories?" Carlisle wondered, making everyone raise his or her hand. "So be it," he replied. "I believe that permanent residence should govern the territory they're in – only because they will know the best if things changes – does anyone disagree?"

"What happens if that territory becomes corrupt?" Someone wondered.

"If the vampires governing a territory fail to follow the rules we set today, then they are just as guilty of breaking the law as anyone else," Esme replied, certain. I could feel the relief spread. It seemed that most feared the corruption.

"Then we agree," Liam, from the Irish coven, replied. Several nodded in agreement.

"Very well. Does anyone disagree, that if a nomad sees something illegal, they should contact the family governing the territory?" Carlisle carried on. He continued adding things, making everyone vote. For the most part, everyone was in agreement. We would have the self-governing territories that we had considered originally, and everyone would be responsible for keeping an eye on rule breakers.

Alice then took the lead – I think she was chosen for it, since she looked so cuddly and sweet. She talked about the human world and their advancement, and she talked about making sure everyone had a phone. The easiest would be to get a phone through our family. With Alice on our side, we could easily adjust to the stock market, and therefore could easily afford to give out phones and pay for it.

Melinda and her mate, Derek, suggested that the ones who knew about the human world would host "introduction" days and introduce the human world to vampires, particularly cellphones and the internet. This seemed to be a great idea, and I could already tell it would be a success.

After establishing the human-world-introduction-days, we carried onwards to the rules.

"Is there any doubt that our existence must stay a secret?" A male nomad with a thick accent wondered.

"That should be our primary rule, and if it's broken, we should punish by death," someone else demanded.

"And what if the person is a newly changed vampire, abandoned by its sire?" Another nomad wondered. There were murmur amongst everyone. Edward looked at me, smiling. I returned it easily, feeling happy with our progress, and that everyone was at least willing to listen and discuss everything.

"1 chance to offenders who did not know, but no chance to offenders who did," someone claimed. There was a general murmur, as we seemed to settle on that.

We continued talking about changing vampires, and the consequences of a sire abandoning their spawn. We talked about how it was all of our duty to ensure that we didn't change others mindlessly, and only if we could ensure that the newborns could be kept under control.

Esme was quick to say that our family wouldn't mind helping, if someone needed to change a human, and needed help keeping the newborn under control in the newborn years. Carlisle added, that if anyone used our family's help in such matters, we asked that they keep to an animal diet – or move far from us if they wanted to eat from humans. A few vampires saw our chosen lifestyle as unnatural and even silly, but most couldn't ignore the compassion Carlisle and Esme displayed, and were amazed that Carlisle worked in a hospital, so they didn't care what we ate.

"And what if the Romanians decide to enslave us to keep the throne?" A female vampire wondered, as the talk moved back to punishments.

"No one has the right to take away someone else's will!"

"We kill them, then!"

"Carlisle, I cannot take a chance that the Romanians wait for us to split up," a vampire said, looking at Carlisle. "I will not have my life on the line simply from being here!" There was agreement with this assessment.

"Friends," Carlisle said, calmly. "I understand you, and if there's a threat we should eliminate it. We will go to the Romanians and tell them what we've decided. They can have Romania or Italy, since no one has claimed those countries."

"Not both. If this is our choice, the coven controlling the territory must live in the territory," another vampire demanded.

"We must have them come back here," someone demanded. There was silence for a moment, to see if any vampire would get the Romanians.

Knowing that I was likely going to be picked, Edward spoke up. "My Bella can borrow gifts, and shut them down as well," Edward said. "I will go with her, as will Alice, Jasper, Paul, and Matt," Edward added. "Your talents are useful to both shield us and defend us." Carlisle nodded in acceptance, and I saw Esme hug Cecilia in comfort.

"I cannot shield this many," Paul commented, as he reached us. His physical shield would definitely be useful. I knew the Romanians had a similar shield, but I wouldn't rely on the shield to be there for us to use – the Romanians could've foreseen this and sent the shield away.

"Don't worry, I can shield Edward, Matt, and myself, and you can shield Alice and Jasper," I replied, easing his worries. We bid our goodbye, while Alice scoured ahead, looking for where to go. Moving out of range from the large gathering, I could slowly use Edward's gift again. I knew I would have to understand it better, otherwise it would be a pretty useless skill to have. Edward was good at letting everyone hum in the background, but I had trouble ignoring people, so their mental voices bombarded me.

"I can hear them," Edward revealed. I listened through him as the Romanians planned. They did indeed have an informant among them, and he had slipped away to reveal that we were coming. There was no hint of a fight, they knew they couldn't win. As we greeted them, Vladimir met us with the skill of a diplomat.

"Edward, was it?" Vladimir greeted Edward as an old friend. Edward, for his part, played along out of kindness.

"Vladimir, Stefan, pleased to see you again," Edward replied, smiling kindly. "We come telling you that we have reached an agreement. We would love to give you either Italy or Romania to govern."

"Ah, I see you agreed on self-governing territories!" Vladimir smiled, pleased, as if he perfectly understood our sentiment, and even agreed. His mind, however, spoke of different things, though I could tell he tried, in vain, to hide it.

"Yes. We thought you should know," Edward politely replied.

"And you should know that the plans you're making currently, about creating havoc in other territories, and then to come to the rescue, should be laid to rest," Alice spoke up, her voice hard as steel.

"I once heard that the future isn't set in stone," Stefan replied, diplomatically. "We are not planning anything."

"We decided that any threat to us will be dealt with by death. If you plan to kill us, we will stop those plans before they are set into motion. Everyone wants to be able to leave, without fearing that you will kill them." Jasper's voice was calm, but certain.

"As I said, we don't have any plans," Stefan lied.

"You forget we have a mind-reader as well as a Seer," Paul reminded them, seriously, and gesturing to Alice and Edward. "Friends, do you wish to follow the Romanians? You should be free to go…" There was some murmur amongst them, but I could tell they were cowed. While they weren't forced to serve, they felt they owed their masters. I used Jasper's gift to give them hope and courage.

"This is your best chance to get away from them – alive," Alice added, kindly.

"Neal!" Vladimir growled, as their shield moved to our side.

"They won't stop – they will try-" Neal revealed, but he was cut off when Vladimir jumped towards him. Alice, having seen his move, intercepted him and ripped his head off, taking Vladimir out of the equation. It happened in a second, and Stefan moved back, uncertain of what to do. I could tell from his mind that he wanted revenge, that he wanted power, but he knew that he was outnumbered, and would probably be so for some time.

"I think you should come with us," Jasper said, coldly. Edward gathered Vladimir's head and torso, and I used Neal's gift of shielding to encompass Stefan, making him unable to move, except where I wanted him to go.

The group moved towards the gathering again. We were much more subdued, this time, and I noticed that Alice moved closer to Neal – as a sign of comfort.

The chaos when we got back was less than I expected. To be honest, I knew my family preferred to get rid of the Romanians – there was simply too much hatred in them, and too large a need for revenge. Still, we would have to discuss it as a whole. If Vladimir was given a second chance, I assumed his recovery would be fast, if everyone pitched in – especially as so little time had passed.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked, almost worried. Jasper took the lead and explained to everyone what had occurred; how the Romanians had pretended to be fine with the results, but continued to plot against us. Neal backed up the story, and explained, though hesitantly, how power hungry the Romanians were.

It didn't come as a surprise when most wanted Stefan and Vladimir dead.

"So kill me, I would know that I died with honor, unlike you; honor-less dogs!" Stefan growled angrily at us. With Maggie on our side, everything Stefan said was scrutinized. I understood why Stefan didn't mind dying – I had seen the same thoughts with Rosalie, though she chose to live, rather than die. She, too, had realized that she would live forever with an unachievable dream, but she learned control the need, and overcome it. Stefan didn't have the same drive as her.

Stefan had hurt enough vampires, and quite a few felt it was their right to end it, once and for all. Together, they tore him to pieces and set both of them on fire. For a few moments, we watched the purple fire dance.

"We're sorry you're so affected." Carlisle turned to the now sire-less coven. "I will offer my support, and we will go through the plans we made today with you," Carlisle explained. Once more, we had a brief pause, where Carlisle explained to the newcomers what was expected of them. Most of them wanted to get away, to be left alone, but rest of us needed to ensure they understood the repercussions of breaking the law.

* * *

As the sun rose in the horizon, we had finally come to an agreement on how the vampire world would be run. It was difficult to meet everyone's expectations, but I think we came as close as we could. In a way, we all had power now, and it was demanded that we take care of our world, and told others if something was wrong.

We had also talked a lot about other kinds of supernatural species. Carlisle explained about the shifters from La Push, as well as their lore, and how they differed from real werewolves. Huilen and Nahuel spoke about Nahuel, about the ability to create hybrids, and more rules had to be created to ensure someone didn't go out and murder a human just to make a hybrid. While killing a human was one thing, since it happened fast, putting the female humans through weeks of torture and fear, only to be ripped apart as the baby tore itself from the womb, was beyond what most could agree with. Sure, many of the vampires gathered didn't care much for humans, but even they could see, though some only reluctantly, that that much hurt was unnecessary.

This, of course, led to conversation about how to hunt humans. Was it okay to play with your food? There was too much disagreement on the topic, so we ended up accepting that the vampires did what they preferred, to an extent. We tried to agree on limiting the suffering of our prey, be it human or animal. Emmett didn't like this, as he loved to tease bears, but considering the ethical questions, many demanded that animals and humans were treated alike.

I was curious to know if anyone else had any interesting things they wanted to discuss. There was one vampire who admitted to knowing a small coven of werewolves still existing, and Carlisle asked if anyone would like to visit them and introduce them of the new world. The Egyptian Coven, along Zafrina, Kachiri and Senna, said they would find the coven, and inform them. Alice kept a close watch, but like any other different species, she had difficult in seeing what happened. Of course, the solution was that Zafrina would call afterwards – a call that Alice saw she received, and contained good news.

There were still many vampires out in the world – vampires who hadn't joined us today. Those vampires would have to be introduced to the new world order as well, and we agreed that anyone who ran into a vampire, who hadn't been here, should explain things to them.

Alice, having foreseen the possible future of needing phones, had decided to by 500 cell-phones, pretending it was a company order. As the rest of us hammered out the details of our world, she, along with Jasper and Edward, went to town to pick up the phones. The phones were distributed among everyone, and everyone who had the knowledge talked those who didn't through things. It didn't take long for everyone to understand how they worked, and it was an amazing experience to observe how thrilled many vampires were at seeing what the phones could do.

"I must've looked like an idiot," Garrett joked.

"Well, only a little," I teased him, easily.

"Idiot? Never!" Kate laughed, and kissed Garrett energetically. They looked so happy, and I was really pleased that they had found each other. They weren't the only new couples. I had hoped that Tanya and Irina would find someone, but only a few other vampires found love across the covens. Irina was jealous and frustrated, as it reminded her of the mockery she had been put through. Tanya helped her grieve, and due to our newly formed plans, we couldn't just go out and kill Laurent because we felt like it. While there was no doubt that he was a scumbag, what he had done wasn't against the rules, not even in the human world.

* * *

It was an odd feeling to watch everyone disperse. I sat down, though not really needing to, and stared into the air. The family stilled, and for a few hours, only the nature surrounding us made any noise. It was relaxing.

I wouldn't say everything had gone according to the plan – far from it. However, I truly felt that we had come out of this much stronger as a race. It had been fascinating to meet so many vampires – something I knew Alice already planned to happen again in a few years' time. Of course, Alice jumped at any chance to throw a party. Esme was hoping that many vampires would visit us – her heart went out to the lone nomads, and she hoped that some would become closer friends with us.

As my family contemplated the events of the past few days, my mind, however, went somewhere else entirely. Having completed our mission, my mind now forcibly turned to my parents. I had promised myself that I wouldn't look until there was room for it, and now I was out of excuses, or perhaps my need to look outweighed any excuse I had. I was filled with a burning need to see if they were well, and I thought that being here, so far from them, would ensure that I didn't go running to them if they weren't well.

Time passed so fast for a vampire – already 4 years had passed since I had supposedly died. It was easy to lose track of time, and I felt guilty for leaving them so suddenly.

As I sat on the ground, I gently scouted for Renee. The visions came to me quick and readily, almost as if they had waited for me to ask. They filled me with so much relief; she looked happy, though perhaps a bit older. Had I made her age faster, or was it just nature? She was with Phil, laughing about something silly while they ate dinner. Around the house were pictures, pictures of me. I didn't recall Renee having this many pictures of me, and I realized that it was a tribute.

Jasper must've felt my emotions, as Edward seemed to become alert of my state of emotions.

"Bella?" Edward sat by me, clutching me close.

"I didn't dare to look, not until now," I whispered quietly. He knew of whom I spoke, and he held me as I slowly searched for Renee's future. I wanted to see her for myself, and I already knew that Edward would come with me to visit her. We'd go at night and keep an eye on her – I could tell it would be a success, and Renee wouldn't be the wiser. Perhaps we could let her win the lottery, or something else. Give her and Phil and trip around the world, or a sponsorship. I had many ideas of how to ease their lives – to make it better. It was a weak excuse for what I really wanted to do: tell her how much I loved her.

Had they seen my laptop? Had they found my journal, in which I wrote of my love for them? Did they know how happy they'd made me?

Seeing Renee was hard, but I was glad I had done it. Renee was a strong woman, and she had Phil. I was afraid to scout for Charlie – he didn't have anyone. Our relationship had been much closer than the one I'd had with Renee; perhaps it was cowardice that held me back. I was too scared to see what damage I ahd done.

"It's okay, Bella." Alice kneeled by me. "I've looked, and he's going to be okay," Alice revealed, smiling gently at me. I stared up at her, surprised.

"He will?" I whispered, feeling some relief.

"Why don't you take a look?" Alice asked me. I trusted Alice, so I let myself overcome with vision. My heart soared at what I saw. Charlie was laughing with a woman while she looked. He looked so happy. They were he held her close made it obvious that they were a couple, and I recognized her instantly as Sue, Harry's wife. I wondered what had happened. What story had I missed?

"He seems happy," Alice commented.

"Yes," I replied, beyond relieved. He wasn't alone, and he had found love. The pain that had gathered in my chest over the years eased somewhat. I saw, caught up in the visions, with a smile on my face. Edward was by my side, holding my hand.

Eventually, I realized my family was beginning to stir. "It went really well," Esme finally spoke up, breaking us all from whatever reverie we were stuck in. We all shared a smile and a chuckle.

"I wonder what will happen now," Emmett added, curious. He held Rosalie close to his body, and kissed her temple. I rose from the ground as Edward pulled me up – we were ready to leave.

"Who knows, but I bet it'll be better than what was," Alice said, smirking. Carlisle chuckled softly in reply, and leaned over to kiss Esme tenderly.

"I am looking forward for some stability," Kate admitted.

"I really want to research," Rosalie added. "I feel like the world is full of opportunities, and it's just to grab them." The others nodded, feeling the same uplifting feeling. Anything seemed possible right now.

I felt excited as we started to run towards home. Charlie was happy, Renee was happy – everyone was happy. I felt so much relief!

As we ran, I caught Alice's eye and she laughed, gently. In her head, I saw a vision of us all running in the summer. Everything was going to be great again, we were going to be okay.

 **The End**

* * *

 **Wow... It's an overwhelming feeling to be done. Thank you so much for being part of the ride. Thank you for reading, and thank you for reviewing.**

 **I still hope to re-upload it all when it's been BETA'ed, so keep an eye out :)**

 **Thank you SO much!**

* * *

 **FUTURE: one-shots might be added to the story that explores the future. There will not be a sequel, just a few one-shots with a specific purpose in mind.**


	42. One-Shot: Closure

**SMELL THE FLOWERS IS FINISHED**

 **There will, however, be out-takes, sort of one-shots, that tell about the future. This is such a one-shot.**

 **There will be no sequel, only out-takes of the lives of the family in specific situations.**

* * *

 **ONE-SHOT: Closure**

 **Setting: not long after the return from Italy. 4.5 or so years after the Volturi attacked.**

 **Theme: Closure to Bella's human life.**

The house in Denali was fully furnished once more, and the family were scattered around us, doing their own things, yet never straying far. Carlisle and Esme were looking at plans for a house closer to the Denali house, but in the opposite direction of Anchorage this time. While Kate, Tanya, and Irina's house was big, it was far from big enough for all of us, and we wanted to be closer to each other for the time being. The event in Anchorage had changed us forever, and it would take a while until we were ready to move further from each other.

I recalled hearing once, that change for vampires were difficult, but major events could do it – usually meeting your mate. What happened to my family had been a paradigm shift in each of us, and we were altered forever by the event.

Garrett and Kate had joined Esme and Carlisle, as they considered building a house to themselves nearby as well, as they were newly mated. Irina was joining them with ideas, trying her best to put on a happy face, but I knew she was hurting from Laurent's betrayal, but willing to let it go – for now. I hoped Laurent was clever enough to stay away from her – far away. The Denali siblings had been singles for over a thousand years, so what Laurent had done to Irina had been truly cruel.

There was an unspoken agreement that no one wanted to return to the house in Anchorage, it simply held too many bad memories. I knew many in the family were scared to consider even visiting the old house, and through Alice's gift, I knew that in years to come, we _would_ visit, and we would all have our own closure. For now, the pain was too raw, too fresh.

Carlisle and Eleazar took the experience the hardest, but then again, they had been friends with the Volturi brothers – or so they had thought. Both Esme and Carmen were incredibly attentive to their mates, but even the _kids_ were attentive as well. All, save me, were back to calling Carlisle and Esme _mom_ and _dad_ , due to the massive need to feel _closer_. The time after Italy was incredibly emotional for all of us, and each of us reacted in our own way.

Rosalie and Alice were very emotional and stayed close to Carlisle and Esme, sometimes reverting to a needier age, a safer age. Emmett and Jasper were close by, always, but they liked to wrestle in order to relieve the tension. Jasper, who had been in the army, spent a lot of time with me, going over the events, and trying to strategize for any future needs, and generally talking about the experience, while Edward shifted between doing what he could to make me happy, and to make Esme smile. When Esme smiled, everyone smiled.

The Denali sisters were just as attentive to each other, and to us. Tanya and I became very close – she was just as eager as Jasper to plan, and to ensure the future. Irina tried hard to distract herself, and was often around Esme, Alice, and Rosalie, while Carmen and Eleazar varied between everyone, and Kate and Garrett shuffling as well. Garrett hadn't experienced what the family had; he hadn't nearly been killed, or threatened, and he observed the changes in the family and the bonds, and he was in awe of how much of a family we truly resembled.

I felt exhausted, and my mind longed to rest. My body, on the other hand, was perfectly awake and alert, as it would always be. Instead of sleeping, I slumped unnecessarily into a chair.

"Bella." Edward's voice was soft and needy. I leaned into his embrace, trying to calm down. Through my time with Edward, I had always felt things moved so fast – too fast for me to digest, anyway. I never got the time to let the dust settle before something had to stir it again.

"I'm okay," I replied, vaguely. I wasn't entirely okay. Things needed my attention, and while I wanted so much to just relax, my heart was twisting in my chest, calling for Charlie and Renee.

Having Alice nearby allowed me to borrow her gift, and I had already scouted for my parents once, but I wanted to do it again, though I was still afraid.

"You don't have to say goodbye," Edward suggested, vaguely. I knew he believed the lie – he would do anything to help me and to make me happy. "The Volturi is gone, I mean, technically we could tell them…"

The idea had merits, and I knew the rest of the family was following the conversation while doing their own things.

"I want to," I revealed, "but I don't think it's wise. The Volturi may have been a bunch of power-hungry crazies, but they were right about keeping the secret…" I didn't need to mention that revealing the secret to my parents would definitely be bad in the eyes of all our new allies. "It's just hard… Somehow, I feel exhausted…"

"We have some time," Edward insisted, just wanting to make me happy. I looked up at him and smiled. I stayed in his embrace while I considered my options, but I already knew that I would visit my parents sooner rather than later; no time like the present, after all. Besides, humans were fragile, and I wouldn't be able to bear putting it off and then missing the chance due to an accident, or worse: time. I seemed to lose track of time so easily; I didn't notice how the seasons changed, or at least I hadn't before. Perhaps, with the family up and running again, I could finally pause and smell the flowers, enjoy the sun, relax.

* * *

Seeing Renee in the flesh hurt, but it was a happy sort of hurt. She looked happy – tired, but happy. Phil was her steady companion, and he went above and beyond to make her happy, which made _me_ happy.

At night, I visited their house, and I saw the many pictures of me. Many picture albums had been uncovered from the attic, and were now readily available on the shelves. I wondered how many times they had been opened and looked at. I found droplets of dried salt, which indicated Renee's tears. It hurt to realize how painful my _death_ had been for her, but it was inspiring at the same time to see how well she was doing. Phil had truly been there for her, and helped her. I owed him everything.

"So, stocks," Edward mused, while flipping through the picture albums interestedly.

"Yeah, Alice set it up. I got some cheap stocks a few years ago, and they've magically exploded. Both Charlie and Renee are going to get huge earnings from it…" This was the best excuse we could come up with in order to add some more money to my parents' accounts. Sure, they had gotten money from my death, but it hadn't been enough, as it still needed to be realistic. It was not enough to make their dreams come true, to make let them live comfortably for the rest of their lives, and this was easier and more believable than suddenly winning the lottery they didn't really play.

"Will you really be okay?" Edward's eyes searched mine, and I knew he was troubled about my emotionally state. Technically, the entire family was troubled.

"I think I need a vacation after this," I replied, not joking at all. Edward quirked a smile, relaxing a bit at my calm demeanor. "It's hard, but thank you for being there for me."

I said goodbye to Renee, taking comfort that her life would be easier from now on – economically. She could travel and take up any sport she wanted, or hobby. I recalled visions of Renee and Phil with another child, sometimes a boy and sometimes a girl – the future wasn't set in stone, and the future with the child might never come to fruition. Either way, I hoped they would be happy, and I hoped Renee wouldn't linger over my death for too long. She deserved to move on, to be happy. The loss of a child would never be forgotten, but hopefully the pain would lessen soon enough.

* * *

Charlie was worse off than Renee. He was deep in work, doing extra work for other departments and cities, and burying himself in distractions. It hurt to see him surrounded by work, rather than friends. Charlie had buried himself when he had buried my empty coffin nearly 4.5 years ago.

"What did you expect? He lost his daughter." Jacob's voice was almost cold, and Edward growled in warning. I touched Edward gently, reminding him that we were visitors in the town, now. Jacob sighed, "I'm sorry," he said. "You know I love Charlie to bits…" Jacob's voice was resigned and pained. He didn't know what to do. I could tell he was anxious as well, and his alertness was overriding any polite manners he might have. Jacob had stopped changing half a year after the family had left Forks, and now the entire clan was back to being _normal_ humans.

"I expected," I replied, pensively, "that his friends would be there for him." My tone made Jacob wince ever so slightly.

"Yeah, I know…" Jacob fell silent, uncomfortable now that he was among vampires again, yet unable to shift.

"Jacob," I whispered, pained. His eyes met mine, and I saw my own pain reflected. "He's not doing well… Billy…"

"-Sucks at this," Jacob revealed, sighing. "I- my dad doesn't know how to do this, and Charlie won't talk, and it's not like Billy can force Charlie to talk about it… Anything regarding you, or even the mention of your name, makes him mad, or makes him leave. He ignored the entire thing, and he works constantly. My dad hardly ever sees Charlie…"

"Then what? Billy will just leave Charlie to waste away?" I growled shortly, but shot Jacob an apologetic look. He had agreed to see me, and I had promised to be on my best behavior now that Jacob was vulnerable. He had taken a huge risk meeting with me. Still, I recalled perfectly how Billy had acted before I was turned, and I recalled what a poor friend he had been then. I wanted to remind Jacob of this, but I knew he didn't need the reminder, and now wasn't the time.

"He dated Sue for a short time," Jacob revealed.

"He did?" I replied, surprised. I was pleased, but I wondered what had happened.

"It didn't… I mean, Sue knows what you are, she knows the truth, and it hurt her seeing Charlie in pain, yet unable to tell him the truth… He was devastated, and he refused to talk, and she didn't know what to say…" The metaphorical knife in my chest twisted further, and I cried out in a soundless sob. Edward's grip on me held me up, and I turned and hid in his chest.

The money Charlie had gotten hadn't done him any good. He was hiding away in work, ignoring his emotions and my death. He wasn't happy, and he wasn't moving on.

The silence stretched for a while, until Jacob excused himself and left. My phone rang, and I picked it up upon seeing Alice's number.

"Alice," I whispered, wondering if she'd _seen_ anything useful.

"This is a stretch," Alice replied, without preamble. "Go talk to him. At night, preferably when he's sleeping. Add a sleeping pill to his beer without him noticing, as well as one morphine tablet. This will make him more tired and more receptive if awoken…" I already knew where she was going, and my breath hitched and stopped in sudden hope.

"Alice," I whispered, unable to form any sentence.

"I've already made the prescriptions – you can pick it up in Port Angeles. Use only one tablet of each, and do it just before his dinner."

" _Thank you!_ " I replied, beyond grateful.

We were already running towards Port Angeles by the time my conversation with Alice was done. I felt ecstatic at the thought of talking with Charlie, and I wondered what I should say.

That night, Edward distracted Charlie from his beer just before dinner, and I slipped two ground-up pills into his beer and swirled it gently before Charlie was back. I waited with baited breath for Charlie to drink and eat, and he fell asleep half an hour after dinner. The TV was still on, and he lay sprawled on the couch.

"I'll be in the kitchen." Edward hugged me tightly, and kissed the top of my head.

"Keep an eye out," I asked, kissing him lightly. We slipped inside the house and I quickly spotted Charlie. He looked so much older than I remembered him, and his face looked gaunter. He wasn't eating enough, and he wasn't sleeping properly. Even now, I could tell that his sleep was unfit.

"Is he having a nightmare?" I wondered, quietly.

"Not as you'd think. It's more like every thought is touched by sadness, so even the thought of fishing is somehow sad…" Edward replied, his tone too high for humans to detect. I clenched my jaw in pain, and lowered myself to the ground by Charlie's side. I shut the TV off, but Charlie didn't notice.

"Dad," I whispered, gently. He didn't seem to notice, and I gently stirred him. Still, no response. The sleeping pill and the morphine had really knocked him out. I continued prodding gently, until I got a response.

"Urghll…" Charlie mumbled, trying to slowly wake up from the deep slumber I had put him in.

"He's disoriented and very tired. I think he'll remember this as a dream," Edward told me from the kitchen where he hid.

"Dad." I spoke more severely now, and the sternness of my voice seemed to startle Charlie.

"Bella?" Charlie whispered, groggily. His eyes struggled to open, and I could tell that his pupils were fully dilated, making him unable to focus properly.

"It's me, dad," I whispered, unable to choke back a sob.

"Oh sweetheart, why are you crying?" Charlie was struggling to get up, and I could tell that his main priority was to keep me from crying. He didn't seem to recall yet that I wasn't supposed to be here. He clumsily held me.

"Dad," I whispered, still pained.

"Bella, you're not here," Charlie suddenly responded. His eyes seemed to be swimming, and I could hear his heart rate pick up.

"I'm here," I told him. I reached out to touch him, and as we connected, his heart thudded in his chest. He swallowed thickly, and I could smell salt. He was crying. I leaned into his embrace, and he held me tight, or as tight as his drug-induced body could.

"I miss you, Bella," Charlie said. "How is this possible?" His words were slurred, and he seemed to want to ask more questions, but unable to form the necessary coherent sentences.

"I had to come," I replied, sobbing tearlessly. "Oh dad, you look like crap!" I told him, almost scolding him. He looked saddened at my reproach. "Dad, how could you let yourself go like this? You know that's not a healthy way…" He looked distraught at my words, but made no move to deny them.

"Bella, I lost you…" His voice cracked, and his fist clenched my shirt.

"Yes, but I'm happy, dad. I'm okay," I promised him. "Thank you for all you did to me…" I hugged him closer, taking in all of his smells and the feeling of his embrace. I would remember this forever.

"I got you killed," Charlie whispered, as tears slid down his cheeks.

"Don't be silly," I admonished, my voice loving and serious. "I wasn't even in the same city as you," I reminded him.

"If you'd stayed with Renee, you would've gone to a different college…" Charlie replied, trying to shoulder the blame.

"I love you," I replied, forcefully. "It wasn't your fault..." I let my hand run over his damp cheek, and I stroked his hair gently, soothing him. He hadn't even noticed or remarked on how cold I was. "You need to take care of yourself," I told him.

"Bella-" Charlie objected, vaguely.

"No," I replied, trying to put steel in my voice. "You're going to take better care of yourself, and then you're going to invite Sue out for dinner, and then you're going to tell her _everything_. All of your feelings, and then you're going to tell her that you're not ready to forget, but you're ready to move on, to be happy…"

"Bells," Charlie whispered, pained.

"And you're going to talk to Billy, too. Get drunk, and tell him how you're doing. And you're going to start eating more salad, and working out, and doing less work, and more friends. And you need to fish…" I was ranting now, but Charlie seemed to take it in a stride. His eyes crinkled as he smiled at me, and then his face dropped, and he looked tired and sad again.

"Dad," I whispered, making him look up at me. "I need you to promise me you'll take better care of yourself…" I looked at him imploringly.

"Your eyes are a different color," he noted, tired and distracted.

"I'm just a dream," I reminded him, "but that doesn't make it less real," I added. It was a silly thing to say, but it seemed realistic in the eyes of a dream. His breath hitched in a quiet sob.

"I miss you…" Charlie's eyes closed, as he was overwhelmed with emotions.

"You need to sleep," I told him, and gently helped him upstairs. His swayed alarmingly due to the drugs, and he hardly noticed when I started to carry him. I tucked him in, and his eyes seemed to drop with the heaviness of the drugs.

"What do you promise, dad?" I whispered, insistently.

"I'll take more care… Talk to Sue and Billy," Charlie responded, tiredly. His voice was very slurred again.

"I love you!" I whispered, urgently. I sat with him for a while after he had fallen asleep, and Edward joined me.

"Love?" Edward sat next to me, holding me close. I felt much better than I thought I would. I had talked to Charlie, I had gotten closure, and so had he. I hoped it would be enough. "Alice texted and said Charlie would be okay…" The relief was palpable, and I sighed deeply.

"One last thing," I whispered, wondering if Charlie would notice the significance. I slipped into the kitchen and grabbed the leftover pizza. I packed it gently and put it in the fridge. This was something I'd always done, while Charlie had always left it on the table, only to throw out the next day. I wondered if he would see the significance in this small act, and perhaps he would be reminded of me. The fridge was empty, save from the leftover pizza.

We stayed in Forks until the morning. Charlie came down, groggy from such a long night's rest, and until he reached the bottom of the stairs, he hadn't remembered what had happened.

"It's like the second he saw the couch, he remembered," Edward told me, as we watched from our perch in the trees. I shifted to see Charlie as he moved around. Even if Edward hadn't told me, the sound of Charlie's elevated heartrate and the hitch of his breath made me aware that he remembered _something_. I shifted my spot so that I could see the kitchen more clearly. Charlie was moving around, dazed.

"He doesn't recall cleaning after dinner," Edward explained, just as Charlie opened the fridge. The loud gasp from Charlie almost sent me over the edge, and Edward held me tightly as we watched Charlie break down in the kitchen. He crumbled to the floor, and cried painfully. I wanted to go to him, to comfort him, but I knew that I couldn't, and I knew that these tears had been long overdue, and were, hopefully, a sign of a better tomorrow. I heard him whisper my name, and trying to make sense of last night. He promised he'd be better, and he told me he loved me.

I texted Jacob, and I told him to bring Billy, and some beer to visit Charlie. When they arrived, I saw them look around, and I, briefly, stepped out from the trees. Billy's eyes widened in surprise, but he sent a small wave to me, which I briefly reflected. The moment was over after a few seconds, and I heard Billy console Charlie, who was trying, in vain, to gather himself in front of his sudden guests. Billy would have none of it and despite it being the early morning hours, opened a beer and shoved it at Charlie.

For my part, it was time for a long vacation. Esme and Carlisle were willing to lend us their private island as a late honeymoon present. The rest of the family was taking up their own activities, though they planned to stay close to each other. Even Carlisle wanted to stay home for a while with Esme.

No one in the family believed we had all the time in the world anymore, since we had forcibly been reminded of our own mortality, and it made the time we had that much more precious. The love was stronger, the care more evident, and the bonds between us was thicker, unbreakable. We would persevere.

I had faith in the future, and for the first time in my life, I felt I could finally have the peace to enjoy the present.

* * *

 **There will be more one-shots, so if you're interested, feel free to follow the story.**

 **I plan to explore the family's future ventures, as well as the surveillance-society we live in, and the consequences it might have. There won't be a sequel, these stories are strickly out-takes from the lives of the family - set out to explore specific situations.**

 **I do not know when the stories will be uploaded - it could be from tomorrow to a few years.**


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